A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update. I've been working overtime since the beginning of February so my writing time (and mental power) isn't what it usually is. Our busy time should be ending this week, so hopefully I'll be updating more regularly from now on. :D

Tony Stark (Iron Man)

Everything happens in less than two minutes. A freakishly tall, freakishly blond man in battered armor who could give Thor a run for his money in the 'Literally a Norse God' pageant calls him out as a damnable Stark—not the most creative of insults, really, but Tony's willing to play the game—so he raises an eyebrow and says, "Another ass...gardian come to visit? Thor will be thrilled."

The man's mouth twists into a sneer. "I see you make as much as sense as your Stark brethren, and mayhaps less than most. Are you another of Lord Eddard's bastards, one bold enough to steal his name?"

"People usually know me for more than a few seconds before they call me bastard."

"Tony," Pepper says, putting a warning hand on his arm.

Tony glances at her and decides to change tactics.

"Role-playing to impress the ladies, I see." Tony's gaze flicks to the freakishly taller and just as freakishly blonde woman beside the wannabe Norse god. She's as well-armored as the man, her hand wrapped tight around the hilt of her sword. She may also be a literal Norse god but she likely wouldn't win any pageants: her face is plain, freckled, and scarred which makes her even more intimidating, but her eyes are large, blue and almost as gorgeous as Pepper's. "Wow," he says, impressed. "I'm not sure how well you handle that sword, lady, but I'd love to put you in one of my suits."

The giant blond man growls and looms suddenly larger in Tony's vision.

"Don't move!"

They turn and stare. Tony's heart sinks when he sees the man, who had been beside the Asgardians when he walked into the precinct, now has his gun pointed squarely at the Norse god's chest. And he has a lot of chest, damn him, Tony thinks vaguely even as he realizes the room is now packed, mostly with people who look like civilians and his new friends from Starfleet, all gaping at the spectacle in front of them. Judging from the expressions on Nathan and Audrey's faces as they hurry towards them, and the way Duke is glaring, and the way Dwight is stepping out from behind him and Pepper and moving to one side, this guy is just dumb enough to pull the trigger in a crowded squad room full of cops and civilians...and Starfleet...and Asgardians...

"This town is officially weird," he mutters in Pepper's general direction as he shifts her behind him even though unless the bullet can travel at right angles, or the guy points that thing in their direction, they're perfectly safe. Besides, Dwight is right beside him and between the two of them, they'll be able to take this guy down before he could fire a second shot, although that might still be too late for the Norse gods if they're not really Thor's...well...brethren, for lack of a better word.

Pepper's only response is a soft snort in his ear.

"Mitchell," Dwight snaps, but the Norse god speaks over him.

"What is that puny thing?" he drawls, frowning at Mitchell. "And what is it he holds in his hands?"

Everything happens at once, then: the male Asgardian takes a step closer to Mitchell while a mix of voices shout 'no' then there's the crack of several guns going off at once—and Dwight hits the ground, dust puffing up as bullets strike his chest. Tony and Pepper drop to their knees beside him, McCoy is there a split second later along with a dark-haired woman Tony doesn't know, all frantically ripping Dwight's shirt open to staunch the bleeding—only to stop short at the sight of a kevlar vest now dotted with several crumpled bullets. They stare at the sight for a moment then sag with relief.

"For god's sake, Mitchell!" Duke yells, and Tony glances up to see the two armored Asgardians have Mitchell pressed up against the counter, their swords at his throat. "You know better than that!"

Audrey holds out her hands, palms out. "Put the swords away," she says, her voice calm and soothing. "Please. And Mitchell, give me that thing before you do any more damage."

"They're threatening me!" Mitchell's eyes are wild as he holds himself as still as possible. "They were threatening him!"

"So you decided to shoot at them?" Nathan demands, hands on his hips. "With Dwight standing right there?"

Mitchell's defiant expression turns guilty as the two Asgardians exchange glances then lower their swords although they don't return them to their sheathes. Mitchell says, "I just...did you see what these assholes did to that car outside?"

"Let me guess," Duke says with more than enough withering sarcasm to make Tony proud, "it was your car."

Mitchell flushes as he hands his gun to Audrey then gives a still-supine Dwight a sheepish look. "Sorry about that, man. I forgot."

"Good thing I didn't," Dwight groans as he sits up and rubs his chest. He frowns. "Who else fired their weapon? I've got at least three bullets in here."

Tony glances up at the crowd of people surrounding them. A brunette woman and a dark-haired man lower their guns while Kirk and Spock re-holster their phasers.

Kirk says, "Don't blame us! The phasers aren't operational in this universe. I grabbed it by instinct."

"Wait," says the brown-haired woman kneeling beside Dwight, "how did you get shot? He fired at point blank range!" Her eyes widen and she twists in the opposite direction to stare at Kirk. "'In this universe'?"

Kirk smirks and shrugs while Spock says, "You are correct. It is impossible for the trajectory of the bullet to curve in that gentleman's direction...unless the laws of physics are different in this universe, which would be fascinating."

The brown-haired man who didn't have a gun lights up. "Are you saying you're really an alien?"

The brunette woman who did have a gun rolls her eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, Beckett! They're saying they're aliens! Real aliens!"

"Castle. Please. They're not even the first people we've met this week who've claimed to be aliens. We live in New York, remember?"

Castle deflates into a pout.

"Well, you're not far wrong about the physics..." Duke mutters.

"But only in Haven," Nathan says.

"Dwight is a bullet magnet," Audrey says. "That's his Trouble."

"His what?"

Tony winces. So many people screeching at once is hard on the ears.

"We'll explain in a minute," Nathan says. "Right now, Rebecca's going to confiscate your weapons."

"Hey, Nathan," Duke says with an evil smile, "why didn't you do that before?"

Nathan's cheeks turn a dull red as he glares at Duke. "The phasers didn't work. Why would I think their guns would work?"

"Because they're guns, Nathan!"

"Duke," Audrey says, "give him a break. I never thought of it either."

Duke subsides, but his grin is positively evil as Nathan's glare intensifies.

The tall, way-too-skinny bearded man shakes his head. "Americans," he says and the disgust in his voice is almost as thick as his Scottish accent. He turns to the curly-haired woman standing next to him. "Is this what they're like on the telly, Miller?"

"Oh, my god..."

The crowd surrounding Dwight parts like the Red Sea to reveal the new speaker, a young woman, her eyes wide and shocked, her hands clutching the strap of her backpack in what can only be described as a death grip.

"Oh, my god..." she says again, her eyes darting from person to person but lingering longest on the two Asgardians. "Oh. My. God!"

"What?" Duke snaps, scowling.

"They're mine! They all are! I drew them!"

*/*/*/*/*