To paraphrase Louise Rosenblatt, "a story's just ink on a page until a reader comes along to give it life." This in my way of saying, I'd really like to know what you think.
CHAPTER 26: YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU
YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU: Screwball comedy, circa 1937. With apologies to movie director Frank Capra, I'm going with the original play. Depression era audiences loved the (to put it politely) eccentric Sycamores. From the snake-keeping, income tax evading grandpa to the let's-make-fireworks-in-the-basement son-in-law to the aspiring ballerina granddaughter (who wasn't about to let a lack of talent stand in her way), this was one family that believed in doing their own thing. Then the youngest granddaughter breaks tradition by getting an office job at Kirby Industries, where she meets and falls in love with Tony Kirby. The Kirbys are, of course, the starchiest, most conventional family in town. The resulting get-together goes about as well as you would expect.
MORAL: When everything starts to go topsy-turvy, the only thing left is to enjoy the ride.
Yami breathed a sigh of relief when his phone finally buzzed on Friday evening. He stared at the screen for a moment, almost unable to take in the sight of Kaiba's name. The message wasn't long. "As usual, you understand nothing. Meet me on Monday in CL-2 in the Kaiba Corporation basement at 7:00 PM."
By the next morning, Yami had picked out the perfect card to answer Kaiba.
Kaiba reminded himself that it was ridiculous to expect a letter from Yami on Saturday. Yami was probably still asleep or helping at that crummy little game store or hanging out with Yugi. Yami hadn't even responded to his text. Kaiba tried not to think about how closely that matched his expectations. He had plenty to keep him busy in his computer lab, just in case Yami came by on Monday. He'd already told Mokuba he'd be a little late today and even later on Monday evening.
It was mid-afternoon by the time Kaiba went up to his office to collect his briefcase and head home. Isono was waiting at Tamashiro's desk when Kaiba got off the elevator. Isono held out an envelope as Kaiba approached.
Kaiba raised an eyebrow as he took it. "Explain," he said.
"I didn't want to disturb you in the computer lab. I decided to wait here instead."
Kaiba frowned. "Inadequate."
Isono swallowed, then said, "It's been a busy couple of weeks. I thought I'd come in and keep an eye on things."
Kaiba pressed his lips even more tightly together. Isono was glad he'd kept his sunglasses on.
Finally, Kaiba nodded. "Just remember, I don't need you hovering over me."
"Of course not, Seto-sama," Isono said.
"You assigned yourself to driving me in last week. Now you're sitting at Tamashiro's desk delivering my mail."
Isono inclined his head slightly.
"I won't forget," Kaiba said quietly.
"Yes, Seto-sama," Isono said.
Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Go home," he said as he went into his office and closed the door.
"Gladly, Seto-sama," Isono said as he headed for the elevator.
Kaiba sat at his desk, glanced one more time at his closed door, then slit open the envelope. There was no letter. A single card fell out: Swords of Revealing Light. Kaiba groaned. Next to Toon World (and Kuriboh), this was his least favorite card. No matter how powerful your deck, this one card held you impotent for three turns. Yami had used it to take him down at Death-T. By the time the wait was over, Kaiba had lost. Kaiba frowned. Was that Yami's answer, again?
Kaiba inhaled, then let his breath out slowly. Yami had dragged himself out of bed and away from his friends to deliver this card. Kaiba stared at the swords on its face. Three swords. Three turns. Three days. He'd texted Yami on Friday. Friday… Saturday… Sunday. Kaiba drew in another breath, this time in relief. By Monday, the three turn wait would be over and Yami would be ready to meet him.
Yami showed up slightly early on Monday. A security guard escorted him to the computer lab in the Kaiba Corporation basement, bowed and left. Yami entered the room and closed the door behind him. The lock clicked into place.
Kaiba was alone in the room. His long duster was reminiscent of his Battle City outfit without quite duplicating it. The white leather was polished to a silver sheen and lined with tarnished gold. Kaiba glittered in the overhead lights. The back of the room was in shadow. Yami was torn between rolling his eyes and breaking into a grin. Then Yami glanced at Kaiba and swallowed. In a few short days, how could he have forgotten how blue Kaiba's eyes were – and how they seemed to bore through you?
"I brought you here for a reason," Kaiba said. "I told you once that I won't be your excuse for cowardice. If you left because you were fed up with me, that I could understand. I never expected things to last." Kaiba snorted; for once the sarcastic sound was turned against himself. "Maybe that was the problem."
Yami raised an eyebrow. "Maybe?"
This time Kaiba's grunt of laughter was genuine.
"Point taken. But that isn't why you ran, is it, Yami? You did it because you're afraid of yourself. And that's unacceptable."
"You know better than anyone what I was like before Yugi!" Yami shouted, forgetting everything he'd come here to say.
"If you really are nothing more than this crazed monster that can only be held in check by Yugi, isn't it better to know that up front?" Kaiba insisted.
"You saw…" Yami's voice dropped to a whisper. "I could have become the person I'd been before, someone ready to kill over an insult or a game."
"So could I. You didn't banish that part of me completely. Nothing can. All the things that created that demon are still here, inside. What you did was give me the chance to become something more." Kaiba ran his hand through his hair and turned away. "Leave because you're sick of me or because I'm an arrogant asshole. Don't do it because you're afraid of yourself. Who you are is within your control."
"I know that!"
"Do you? You told me over and over that that I could change, that no matter how hard the struggle there was a road ahead and it led to a true future. I don't want to go through life wondering how much of the time you were lying to me."
"I've always believed you have the strength to rise above everything!"
"How can you believe in me, when you don't believe in yourself?" Kaiba turned from Yami and walked to the back of the darkened room. With his usual theatrical flair, he thrust his hand into the air, forefinger pointing to the ceiling. The lights above the back wall went on. Yami followed, then stopped, staring in shock at the glass chamber dominating the far corner. He recognized it instantly. It was bigger than he remembered or maybe Kaiba had changed the design since Death-T. The dueling table was gone.
"A death simulation chamber? I thought they were all destroyed!"
"They were. But the plans… they're in here," Kaiba said forming a gun with his fingers and pointing it towards his head. "They'll never be truly destroyed until the day I die. I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that you don't have to be afraid, that I can handle anything you can dish out, that I'm you're fucking equal. I'm playing a penalty game today. The loser of Death-T was always supposed to end up here."
Kaiba strode into the chamber without hesitation. Yami darted after him, stopping at the threshold, the door held slightly open by his back.
"You braying jackass! You're so sure you know everything! Don't you ever stop long enough to ask a question – much less listen to the answer? Yes, I was afraid of the person I'd been. Maybe I always will be. But I never would have sent you those letters unless I'd already decided that just like you, I could be more than my fears. Wouldn't it have been simpler just to ask me? Why are you really doing this?"
Kaiba scowled. "I told you. Next time I'll equip my penalty games with a replay button so I don't have to repeat myself."
It was said sarcastically, but Kaiba's voice was laced with a nervousness that had nothing to do with the fact he was standing inside a death simulation chamber.
Yami grinned and crossed his arms. "I know what you said. It's not the whole truth."
"This is boring."
Yami's grin widened to a smirk. "You're so predictable. You only say that when there's something you're trying to avoid. I never admitted how much I cared, even to myself. Instead, I told myself I was trying to keep you safe."
"Safety is over-rated."
"Shut up, unless you're willing to admit that you were hurt when I left."
"Don't you dare ask me that!" Kaiba hissed.
"Why not? You're just as much a coward as I am. I care about you, Seto Kaiba. Are you willing to admit the same?"
"I wasn't the one that left," Kaiba spat out.
"You never admitted there was anything to leave in the first place! What are you trying to prove? That you can survive anything? Or that you could survive my leaving? You can. You did." Yami shook his head. "Be honest for once in your life! You build all of this..." Yami gestured to the glass chamber, "just to confess that you cared – and you haven't even done that, yet. When did you realize that we weren't just rivals with benefits, that we weren't just playing a game?"
Kaiba scowled. His crossed arms suddenly looked defensive, not defiant. "Not until you were gone."
Yami stared at Kaiba.
Kaiba shrugged. "I spent 24 hours watching all the reasons I didn't deserve a second chance, all the reasons for you to leave. And then you did and I told myself that I didn't care, that it was just the way life worked. It took me days to realize that it was my choices that led to your walking out that door. That's when I got your first card. And then I realized you were blaming yourself for all the ways that I fucked up."
"Kaiba…"
Kaiba flung up a hand and turned his head as if he could hide from what he'd said by not looking at Yami.
"Kaiba!" Yami repeated.
Kaiba retreated further into the chamber. Yami darted forwards to grab the taller duelist, forgetting for a moment where they were. Yami jumped back, but he was too late. The door to the death simulation chamber had closed with a click behind him. Kaiba leapt forward, pushing Yami back against the now-closed door. All Yami could see was the black of Kaiba's shirt. Kaiba had placed himself so that his back was between Yami and whatever monsters were waiting to emerge. And that single, instinctively protective gesture told Yami more than all the words Kaiba found so hard to say. If he survived, Yami promised himself to remember this moment.
"You weren't supposed to jump in!" Kaiba hissed.
"Wasn't I? Is this enough proof for you? That day in your office… you didn't trust me."
"I…" Kaiba's voice trailed off. He couldn't explain his tangled mess of emotions to himself, much less to Yami.
"You didn't trust me not to see past the day's headlines. You were wrong then. You're wrong now."
Kaiba swallowed. He glanced over his shoulder and turned back to Yami. "They're starting to assemble. It should take them a minute or two to be clear enough to see. If you don't believe in them, they don't exist."
"What do you believe in?" Yami asked.
"My own ability to survive. If you think you can survive, you will."
"You had nightmares for months," Yami reminded him.
"Survival is never free."
Yami nodded. He was learning the same lesson.
"What about you? What do you believe?" Kaiba asked, his voice low and husky. He pressed Yami against the glass wall of the chamber.
"I believe that survival isn't enough. I want more," Yami answered. He pulled Kaiba's head to his and claimed Kaiba's lips, as if the past week had been the illusion – as frightening as the monsters in a penalty game – but no more real. "We don't need a death simulation chamber," Yami said thickly, his lips still bruised with the feel of Kaiba's.
"Too late. You should have left the door open. It locks from the outside and it won't unlock for eight minutes when the whole cycle shuts off." Kaiba's eyes gleamed. "No one has ever survived that long with their mind intact. We'll be the first."
"No one was here with a partner, before."
"Interesting point," Kaiba said, his expression as feral as the Panther Warrior gaining form and solidity over his shoulder. He pressed Yami to him, molded his rival against his body. Yami slid one of his legs between Kaiba's. Kaiba briefly lifted his hands off Yami so Yami could push Kaiba's duster off his shoulders.
Yami knew they were both supposed to be frozen with fear... horrified statues turned to stone by a Medusa's glare. They were supposed to be howling in terror, more than halfway on the road to insanity, or lying on the ground dying as their hearts exploded against the confines of their ribs.
And Yami's heart was pounding, was shuddering within his chest… but what he felt was gratitude and desire, not fear. He had a third chance to make the most of the second chance he'd already been given.
Yami knew it would be safer to shut his eyes or look away and to warn Kaiba to do the same, but Kaiba was bathed in the reflected light of his horrors, rising out of their fast coalescing forms. Kaiba had never looked more beautiful, more like an angel about to plummet into the depths of Hell. Yami found himself devouring Kaiba's lips as if he was a duel monster and Kaiba was his prey, as he ground his body against his rival's until doom itself lost all meaning.
Demons and monsters had never been a novelty to Kaiba; he already knew that the world was full of them. None of that mattered, not when Yami was in his arms. And that's when Kaiba faltered. When suddenly, the man that Kaiba was holding seemed less real than the monsters lying in wait. Kaiba gasped in pain as the Talons of Shurilane raked across his back. He caught a glimpse of sapphire claws as the monster reared back to strike again. Kaiba laughed through the pain: it was fitting that he'd been attacked by a monster that hid in mirages, that only became solid to attack. Snake Fang rose above Kaiba. His jacket sizzled as the serpent's venom dripped down on him.
"Kaiba!" Yami called out. "You're not alone. Don't forget that. I'm here!"
"Are you?" Kaiba asked, his voice vacant. "Or are you the final, cruelest illusion?"
"I promise. Our road won't end here in this room."
Kaiba's eyes cleared. He lifted a hand and stroked the side of Yami's face, relearning its solidity. Once again Kaiba dipped his head to meet Yami's. Yami's jacket had fallen from his shoulders in the dash to reach Kaiba. Now Kaiba reached a hand under Yami's shirt, the same black shirt he'd worn on his return from Egypt. Yami gasped as Kaiba's fingers reached his nipple. Abruptly Kaiba stopped and pulled Yami's shirt off. Kaiba leaned over needing to taste every inch of skin, needing to prove that Yami was with him.
"Take off your shirt, too. I need to feel you against me," Yami gasped. Kaiba complied. Yami reached out to Kaiba's pants, ignoring the expanse of bared torso. His hand came to rest on the zipper. Kaiba's breath tightened in a way that had nothing to do with monsters or impending doom, and everything to do with the life pulsing through him. Yami traced the ridges of Kaiba's erection through the heavy material of his pants, his hand moving back and forth as if the fabric had disappeared. Kaiba's eyes drifted shut, narrow blue slits of color escaping through his lashes.
Yami drew in a breath, then froze. It was too much. And penalty games didn't work like this.
Yami had cast penalty games over and over; they'd been his stock in trade. Then he'd renounced them forever. But he'd never faced one from the inside as its prey. And this was too easy. He was supposed to be alone. This wasn't justice; it wasn't retribution. It wasn't what he deserved. Yami wrenched his gaze from Kaiba, focused on the monsters that were clawing futilely at them. If he wanted justice, he was going to have to step outside of the shield of Kaiba's body. He pushed against Kaiba, creating some space. Serpent Marauder filled the gap, replacing Kaiba's embrace with its own.
"No! I refuse," Kaiba shouted, reaching out and forcing Yami's attention back to his face.
For an instant the serpentine grip loosened. Kaiba peeled back its head and flung it away. Serpent Marauder melted into shadows.
"You are going to focus only on me. I'm not surrendering you to anything, even my own demons."
"Yes," Yami said. He leaned in and claimed Kaiba, sinking his teeth into the spot where the slender column of Kaiba's neck rose out of his shoulders, as if Yami had fangs of his own, as if he was just as deadly an adversary. He needed to record his existence on Kaiba's skin.
He moved down Kaiba's body, leaving marks on Kaiba's torso and neck, matching any damage the monsters could do, covering the scars that already marred Kaiba's skin with a new, temporary stamp.
The monsters were still clawing at the edge of Kaiba's consciousness, demanding his surrender, fighting for their rightful place at the center of his soul so that they could devour it from the inside, so they could complete the job they'd started years ago. But as hard as they pounded against the barriers in his mind, they couldn't break through. Nothing, not even his self-created demons could oust Yami from his place. Not tonight. Kaiba dropped his head to rest it on top of Yami's, shaken to his core.
Yami leaned up to whisper in his ear, "Do whatever you want."
Kaiba had always taken what he wanted. He'd fought, he'd schemed, he'd poured every ounce of who he was into chasing what he needed. No other option had ever existed. No one had ever offered before. It was more terrifying than anything a horde of duel monsters could do.
Kaiba didn't need to be told twice. His hand trembled as he reached for the fastening on his waistband; he was dimly aware that somewhere behind him, the monsters had started to fade away. Kaiba thought about restarting the cycle, but he would have had to leave the booth to do so, and he didn't need monsters to feel alive.
Not when he had Yami.
Kaiba pushed down his trousers, then swung Yami to face the empty room beyond the chamber's confines. Kaiba yanked down Yami's pants as well.
When Yami had spoken to Yugi about Kaiba, he'd talked of emotions and respect and communication. Every word had been true. But now Yami surrendered to the knowledge he'd wanted this as well. Yami moaned as he was pressed against the cool glass wall, the sound rising to a high keening note as Kaiba reached around to grab him. Kaiba's strokes were rough, choppy… and utterly irresistible. Yami closed his eyes, giving in to the feel of Kaiba's hands on him, of Kaiba's body rubbing against his own. He'd gone to bed each night dreaming of Kaiba's breath on his neck, of Kaiba learning his responses only to inflame them again and again. "Please…" Yami moaned, unsure of what he was begging for or why, needing release even as he wanted this feeling to last forever, even as he craved nothing so much as its completion.
Kaiba had been afraid to think of Yami for a week. He'd refused to remember all the things he'd never get to do again… whisper into Yami's ear as he held him late at night, wake up to the feel of Yami's arms around him, run his hands down Yami's body, collect Yami's moans in response. Kaiba had never expected to feel Yami arch into his touch again. He'd never expected to be pressed up against Yami, to feel Yami's body quivering against his, to have his own tighten from the silken feel of Yami's skin, to wait in hungry anticipation for this unique amalgam of friction and heat to build, to catch fire, to...
Kaiba stiffened suddenly, as if his demons were still in the room, as if they'd just stabbed him through the heart. He screamed once, a sound somewhere on the border of pain and delight, and pitched forward, bracing himself against the glass with one hand as the other tightened its grip.
It was all too much. Yami gave an answering howl as Kaiba's hand continued to move, as Kaiba regained his rhythm, as he matched it to Yami's need...
It had all happened so fast; the first acceptance of a truth they'd spent the week doubting. Yami could feel Kaiba trembling against his back, unable to stand on his own power; Kaiba's harsh gasping breaths broke above his head. After a moment and another swift intake of air, Kaiba shifted slightly, just enough for Yami to turn to face him, hampered by the pants pooling at his ankles. Yami reached up to Kaiba to draw his face downwards for a final kiss, as gentle as all the previous ones had been rough; a calm wave following a storm. Yami ran his fingers through Kaiba's damp hair, brushing it off his forehead. He stared into Kaiba's eyes as their kiss broke, noting the soft smile that sat awkwardly on Kaiba's austere face.
Kaiba glanced away, cleared his throat, bent down and pulled up his pants. Yami chuckled and followed suit. The rest of their clothes were strewn across the floor. Yami pulled on his shirt and slung his jacket over his shoulders. There was something disconcerting about picking up his clothes up and putting them on as if they were in a glass dressing room. He wondered whether Kaiba found it odd as well, or whether building the chamber in the first place had given him a different perspective. Yami headed for the door. He glanced back. Kaiba hadn't moved. He stared at his coat and shirt; they were still on the floor. Yami quirked an eyebrow. Kaiba flushed slightly and bent to pick up his clothes.
They left the chamber together. Seen from the outside, the small room looked so much more ordinary; it wouldn't have been out of place in an office bullpen. The glass walls were streaked and smeared, no longer clear. Yami shook his head. " I told you that I was afraid of hurting you and your response was to hurt yourself even worse just to prove you could. What kind of idiot are you?"
"The kind that will do anything to prove I'm your equal," Kaiba said.
"No one doubted that but you."
Kaiba stared at the clothes in his arms. He should be holding a bunch of shredded, acid-burned rags. Instead they were intact. It had all felt so real. None of it had lasted. Kaiba shivered. What he and Yami had just shared had felt real as well. Would it prove just as illusory?
Yami sighed as he looked at Kaiba, at the clothes Kaiba was still hugging, at his downcast face, at the bangs that shielded his eyes from view. "Please... just ask whatever it was that you built all of this to avoid saying."
Kaiba paused and then straightened. "Back when we were in Noa's virtual world… you had a choice." Kaiba looked down again, but he caught Yami's start of surprise out of the corner of his eye. "I might have been turned to stone but I was aware of everything that was going down. Noa offered to set you free if you left me trapped like that. You hesitated. If Jounouchi hadn't butted in, would you have walked away?"
"At the time you denied that any of it had happened at all!" Yami exclaimed.
"Being aware is one thing. Accepting is another." Kaiba dressed swiftly. He gave a bark of laughter as he finished. "So much for asking. It doesn't matter anyway."
It was only as Kaiba turned away that Yami realized he hadn't answered Kaiba's question – and that Kaiba considered his silence answer enough.
"I couldn't risk Yugi's body, no matter what my own desires were. Kaiba, what are you really asking? If you can believe in my return? If you can trust?"
Kaiba's breathing was harsh in the quiet room. He'd been promised an honest answer, but it was only now that he realized the question.
"I'm not walking away," Yami insisted. "But I'm not the only one with a call to make here. You have to decide that you want me to stay, with all that means… that you'll have faith that whatever comes, we'll face it – and ourselves – together."
Kaiba had stared down the monsters in his death simulation chamber unflinchingly. Now he hung his head. "I don't know if I can do that."
Yami hugged Kaiba as though they were still facing the chamber's demons. "Neither do I. Are you willing to try? Are you willing to risk losing? I know all the reasons to leave. You're an arrogant, argumentative asshole who can't stop pushing away the people you want to stay. But here's one better reason to remain: because this is what we want, and not just because we click in bed or because we work as rivals. The only thing that keeps me here is that this is the life I want to fight for." Yami put a finger up to Kaiba's lips. "I know what I'm asking. Give me your answer at your tournament."
Kaiba grinned. "Isn't that what tournaments are for?" He hugged Yami back as they parted – Kaiba upstairs to his office to collect his briefcase and Yami to his home.
.
Thanks to Bnomiko for betaing this chapter!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter and the one where they fought were among the earliest chapters drafted. When I thought about everything that led up to the fight and then tried to envision Kaiba's response, I just couldn't see them – especially Kaiba – getting together to calmly talk things out. This scene was what came to mind and refused to leave. (I do worry a bit about what that says about me.) Also, Kaiba would never believe in mere words. But if a picture is worth a thousand words, forgetting where you are and jumping into a death simulation chamber to reach someone has to be worth a million.
Note to to Wolf'sVine: Thank you so much! Because Kaiba is so damaged, he's spent a lot of time sabotaging the things he wants and needs. (I want to shake him, too… frequently!) And it was important to me to show both Yami's doubts and his courage. Re: the millennium items: the premise is that they have lost their power and have been returned. I think that was the implication at the end of the series and I kept that in this story. I was assuming that once the items lost power, Yami also would not have access to it. I also wanted to thank you for your reviews on "It's Deja vu All Over Again: and "Giving Up the Ghosts!" It's great getting reviews on completed stories!
Tumblr Note: I'm on Tumblr as Nenya85, mostly posting manga frames and screen shots and rambling on about them. If you're interested in checking it out, the link is on my biopage.
Review Note: I reply to all signed reviews. I also post a summary of my replies on my Livejournal and Dreamwidth accounts. My username is Nenya85 in both places.
Thanks to everyone who's reviewed. I really look forward to hearing from you (to be honest, it makes my day!) I try to write the story in my head to the best of my ability – but it's incredible to get a glimpse of how it looks to someone who's reading it. I can't express how encouraging it is. Please review.