A/N thank you everyone who reviewed the last chapter it really made me smile and thus made me want to write so here's a chapter to reward you all hope you enjoy
I've been awake for a few moments, the sun warm on my back as it filters through the window, but I don't want to move. I'm alone in our bed as I knew I would be, I knew I would scare Peeta away but it still leaves me with a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. I can feel my stomach rumbling the need for food pressing at me, but I push it down. I've had years of practice when it comes to supressing my appetite so I just ignore the gnawing feeling and press my face tighter into Peeta's pillow. Even though he didn't spend a lot of time against it it still holds vestiges of his scent and it's the only thing that keeps me calm.
Eventually I hear the door open and someone slip into the room, but I know it's not Peeta I could track his natural walk anywhere.
I feel the bed dip as someone sits at my back and then their hand smooths over my bare shoulder, "Katniss love I know you're awake."
Cinna's voice is calm and smooth as usual giving nothing away. I don't know if he knows what happened last night so with a sigh I roll over and look at him. Instantly his eyes tell me he knows and I close my eyes tightly still unwilling to face what's going on.
"Peeta sent me to see if your awake, he's been taking with Effie most of the morning but he didn't want to disturb you," excuses I know, Cinna will always protect me and I know it's just excuses for Peeta's absence that is leaving his lips.
"We managed to get a friend into the suit and she wants to see you," I open my eyes at his soft words and take in his face.
He's pleading with me with unspoken words and I simply nod my allowance. He nods in return and quickly climbs to his feet disappearing out of the door. I watch the empty doorway for a while wondering if he's going to come back, but it's not his figure that fills the door when I blink, it's Peeta. I simply stare at him as he walks forward slowly his eyes on my face.
"How are you feeling," his voice sounds tired but I can't seem to form words to reply so I simply shrug.
He makes it most of the way across the room but stops short of the bed and I feel the ache in my stomach spread to my chest as my heart squeezes, he doesn't want to touch me. Before I can let my worries spill from my mouth another person breezes into the room pulling my attention.
I frown realising its someone I have never laid eyes on before but she smiles warmly at me as she steps into the room.
"Good morning Katniss, my name is Patience. Cinna and Portia are friends of mine, they asked that I came to see you," she smiles again as she walks forwards and I simply watch her knowing that my eyes are blank as I watch her.
She sinks down onto the bed next to me and I move ever so slightly away from her, but she doesn't say anything about my retreat. For a moment we simply look at each other and I take her in. She has long wavy brown hair that reaches her waist, but it swept away from her face with in intricately weaved headband. Her honey coloured eyes sparkle at me as she smiles and it's a smile I would have normally returned, but even her inner light can pull a smile from my lips today.
"I'm a stylist like your wonderful friends but I'm not from the capitol. Before I was moved here I was a midwife as well. That was actually what I always wanted to do, before my clothing got the attention of some important people here, but I digress," she laughs softly then and I have to fight the smile that threatens to pull at my lips.
She radiates light and warmth, so much like my Prim, and it makes you want to instantly like her, to trust her. But I've been burned by the capitol to many times to actually listen anymore, so instead I simply lie there and watch as she reaches out and pulls a strand of hair from my face that had escaped my haphazard braid.
"Peeta informs me you think you're pregnant," her voice is soft and full of concern but the mention of Peeta's name has my eyes flicking back to him where he's now leaning against our chest of draws his arms folded over his chest.
He's not looking at either of us his jaw set as he stares at the wall opposite him and I can see the tension in his neck. I want to reach out to him and smooth my hands over his body, to take the pain away, but there's a barrier between us that I know I can't cross. So instead I turn my eyes back to Patience and nod confirming her suspicions.
"All right then," she smiles again and turns to produce a small bag I hadn't seen before.
Her fingers delve inside of the bag and come out with a small black kit. I watch as she unzips it and pulls out what looks a lot like a pen, but I vaguely know that it's not.
"This tester will take a small amount of your blood, barely a drop, and we'll have our answer in moments," she reaches out and takes my limp hand where it still rests against Peeta's pillow.
I can't help the hiss that escapes my lips as the tiny needle stabs against my finger. It doesn't really hurt that bad but the shock of it rockets into my numb body. I see Peeta shift out of the corner of my eye and I wonder if he's watching me. But I can't look at him, instead I keep my eyes on Patience as she clicks something on the pen thing and it lights up.
"It'll just take a second," she says with a soft smile as she lowers my hand back to the bed.
I find my fingers tangling against the pillow of their own accord as I watch the tester in her hand, and when it's glow turns from pure white to a soft blue I know what it's going to say before she says anything.
"It's positive," she whispers out and I can't help the sob that slips from my lips, I could have been mistaken before it could have been anything, but now it's all too real.
I hear Peeta move then and the door to the room bangs behind him as he leaves. For a moment I simply lie there with my eyes clenched closed but then I can feel as the tears leak from my eyes, and I roll onto my back.
"I'm so sorry Katniss," she pauses and I listen to her soft breathing counting each breath as the silence stretches, "would you let me examine you."
Without opening my eyes I simply nod and she deftly pushes back the blankets. Her fingers are warm as they press against my skin and she asks me questions. I don't answer most of them, or the answer that I give her are in the form of a nod or a slight shake of my head. When she's done she pulls the blankets back up around me and I curl on my side away from her.
"By what I can gather I'd say you're about three months along, it's not unheard of to miss a pregnancy in the first trimester, especially with all the stress that you've been under," I want to laugh at her words instead I bury my face against my pillow and let the tears fall freely.
I feel as her hand ghosts across my hair but it doesn't move me I'm too far into my sorrow to care. I think she says something else as she sits with me but I can't get my brain to work enough to take in her words. Eventually I feel her rise from the bed and then the soft click of the door as she leaves. I give over to despair and cry until I collapse.
"Has she said anything yet," soft words in my room pull me back to reality.
"No she's barely moved at all," Patience's voice is quiet as she replies but I don't bother to move.
Someone sighs and I realise quickly that it's Haymitch. I wonder for a moment what he's doing here but realise swiftly that word must have spread in our little group of what's been happening. I feel the bed sink down as he drops onto it but I don't move, keeping my face buried into my pillow.
"This is a real mess you've dropped us into Sweetheart," his gruff words should be chastising, but instead they seem sad.
The sound of his voice breaks into my mind and I roll over to look at him. He's sat at the edge of the bed not too close to me, but close enough that he can reach out and run his hand along my arm as I turn. He tries to smile at me, but it looks so strange that it doesn't reassure me as I think he meant to.
"This is what I didn't want happening," he says softly and all I can do is swallow in response.
With a soft sigh he shakes his head and moves his hand from my arm to my hair. I can't help but close my eyes as I feel his fingers run through the loose strands of my braid, his touch is more comforting then I thought possible.
"Where's the boy?" I know his question isn't for me so I don't bother to open my eyes.
"I'm not sure, he left when we did the test," I can hear the hesitancy in her voice as she replies and a small sigh slips from my lips.
But Haymitch isn't happy at this and when I open my eyes I can see the anger plain on his face. For a moment I frown but before I can say anything he's up and off the bed flying from the room.
"Haymitch!" Patience calls after him but he doesn't stop and I realise quickly that he's going for Peeta.
Unsure what I'm really doing I throw the covers back and slide to the edge of the bed. Patience watches me quickly as I slip from the bed uncaring at my state of undress and pad across the room so that I can scoop up a dressing gown that's lying on top of the chest of draws. The pale green silk is cool as it slips around my skin but I pay it no mind, simply belting the material closed and I stride on bare feet out of the room. I can feel her moving behind me, but I don't say anything and neither does she.
We pass Effie in the main room who looks startled to see me but doesn't move. I ignore her and head in the direction I can tell Haymitch went since the doors are all open and ajar. As I hit the end of the hallway I can hear muffled voices above me and know that they are on the roof. Pushing the door open I head up the stairs stopping short of reaching the top as I know that it opens right out onto the roof. I can hear voices clearly now and their words stop me short.
"… So much pain right now," I catch the end of Haymitch's sentence and know he's talking about me.
"Don't you think I know that," Peeta's words are bitten off and angry, so unlike him that I shudder at the sound.
"Well do something then lover boy, she's your wife after all."
I hear as something bounces off the force field and know instinctively that Peeta has thrown something at it, "I know damn it Haymitch, but what am I supposed to say to her. How can I even look at her," a pain so keen slices through my body at his words that I have to reach out blindly to the wall or risk falling.
I feel Patience's hands against my back but I can't move, all I can do is hold onto the wall for dear life or risk collapsing. I knew he was angry with this but to hear his words now makes me want to throw up.
"How can I look at her Haymitch," his words now are little more than a whisper but I catch them, "when I know what I've done to her. She doesn't want kids, she didn't even want to be married before but somehow she agreed and I counted that blessing and I was happy to live a long life with her. But now, now we have to fight for our lives again and I have done this to her. Damn it I love her so much, how can I have let this happen," his last words are and anguished cry but suddenly all the weight has lifted from my body.
Peeta is blaming himself; he thinks that it's his fault this accident happened. He's not angry with me like I thought he would be, he's angry with himself. I can't take it anymore gathering what little strength I have left I push up the last of the steps bursting onto the rooftop. Haymitch turns guarded eyes to me as he spots me but I don't really see him, my eyes all for Peeta. He takes the sight of me in and stumbles forwards a few steps before he regains himself.
"Katniss what…" his words are cut off as I throw myself at him wrapping my arms around his neck.
Instinctively his arms come up around me pulling me against him and I bury my face against his neck.
"You left me, you can't leave me again," I mumble against his skin as I feel the tears start to spill forwards unbidden.
I can feel my body shaking with unwanted tears but I can't seem to stop as I take in the feel of his warmth under my fingertips. His lips press against my temple as he whispers to me and it takes me a second to understand his words.
"I'm so sorry Katniss I'm not going anywhere, I love you," he presses a kiss to my lips when I lift my head to look at him and I return the kiss urgently.
Bending slightly he lifts me against his body and I simply wrap my arms around him and hold on, "you're too light Katniss, you should be heavier than this," he whispers with a sad smile as he descends the stairs again and all I can do is simply nod as he carries me back to the bedroom.
When he lowers me onto the bed I clutch desperately at him and he simply gives into me crawling onto the bed so that he can pull me into his lap. His hand smooths over my hair a few times and I begin to feel sleep pulling me under again. I try to fight against it, haven't I slept enough recently, but it eventually wins and the darkness pulls me under to the sound of Peeta's voice.
"Sleep love I'll be here when you wake up, I'll always be here."
A/N hope i didnt scare you all to much with the way Peeta was acting, i just see him in my head this way. he would be angry with himself for putting Katniss through this, completely forgetting that it takes two to tango lol. Hope to hear what you all thought x