"I don't give a fuck that you can't stand me
I've finally had enough of what you say
Now you're talking tough 'cause you backstabbed me
You're my derailment
It's funny how you lie and try to wreck me
It's funny how you're falling on your face
I'm never gonna let you disrespect me
You're my derailment"
My Derailment – Adelitas Way
"Commander, can I see you in the cockpit?" Joker announced over the ship wide comm. He had no idea of her whereabouts at the moment.
"On my way," was the immediate response.
Even though he'd only been teasing (mostly) about his eagerness to send Grunt packing, the trip to Tuchunka had gone quickly. Wrex had been happy to get Grunt back and disgruntled that he'd lost the rest of his elite commandos. But that's what krogan did – fight. Joker didn't imagine that he'd have too much difficulty replenishing his troops.
Now they were approaching the Citadel. Shepard had informed Joker of their destination last night.
"Valern, the salarian councilor, says Udina's been moving large sums of money around. He wants me to investigate."
They'd been lying in bed, her head resting on his bare chest, her arm settled lightly across his abdomen. If this was her idea of sexy talk, it wasn't doing much for him. He'd trailed fingertips up and down her arm, distractedly.
"Why you? Can't they do anything for themselves, useless bastards?"
"I asked the same thing, minus the 'useless bastards'. I told him to get C-Sec on it. Apparently, since Udina's human, he's our mess to clean up."
"Kind of ironic - you nominate Anderson to that post, and Udina ends up there in the interim, anyway."
"Yeah. And I never have trusted him."
"He's a politician, which means he's inherently untrustworthy."
"Exactly. So, I guess we're headed back to the Citadel tomorrow."
"Tell you what," Joker had said, giving up on her arm and sliding his hand underneath her tank top. "You promise not to talk about Udina anymore, and I'll make sure we double-time it to the Citadel."
"You've got yourself a deal," Shepard had agreed with a grin.
But now, they were on approach vector, and Joker wasn't getting a response from flight control. The door to the cockpit slid open as he tried to hail them once more.
"Alliance Control, this is SSV Normandy. We're headed to Bay 1-4, Zakera Ward. Are we clear to descend?" Joker shook his head at Shepard as only silence greeted him once more.
"What the hell's going on down there?" Shepard demanded, rhetorically.
Joker shrugged. "I don't know, but I have a bad feeling. Checking emergency channels." He switched channels, and the incoming transmission started broadcasting immediately.
"The Citadel is under attack. Does anyone copy? The Citadel is under attack."
"This is the SSV Normandy. I copy," Joker responded, heart rate ratcheting up a notch.
"Joker? This is Thane. Is Shepard with you?"
"Yeah, hold on, I'll patch you through." While he established the connection, Joker said to Shepard, "It's Thane. He says the Citadel is under attack."
"Shepard," came Thane's rasping voice, "Cerberus troops are everywhere, and they're in control of the docks.
"Are you safe?" Shepard asked, worry infusing her tone.
"No, but I evaded them at the hospital. I'm in a Presidium storefront."
"Is Ashley with you?"
"We got separated. She said she had to protect the Council. I'm headed for C-Sec headquarters."
"Why?"
"C-Sec can't organize an effective counter-attack with their communications compromised. Until we regain possession, Cerberus is in control."
"Okay. I'll meet you there, Thane." Shepard motioned for Joker to break the connection. "Get us as close as you can to C-Sec HQ. We'll deploy in the shuttle."
"Aye, aye."
Joker flew carefully between the Citadel's arms, wary of traffic with no one controlling flight patterns. Even from a distance, he could see fires burning and parts of the structure collapsed. The last time that they'd visited, hadn't he wished that the residents of the Citadel would wake up to what was going on around them? His stomach churned with anxiety. He hadn't wanted this.
The shuttle got away safely, and Shepard ordered Joker to retreat to the relative safety of open space surrounding the station. As usual, he was able to monitor their progress audibly. After a brief gunfight, the ground team rendezvoused with a C-Sec captain named Bailey. He confirmed Thane's statement about the necessity of taking back the HQ. They got inside and Bailey set up a secure channel for his men.
"Any idea where the councilors might be?" Shepard asked.
"I have a message from Councilor Valern. It says he's here at HQ meeting with the executor."
"One councilor is better than none. Where am I headed?"
"I'll update your nav point," Bailey said. "You'd better hurry!"
"Thane," Shepard's voice came over the previously established channel. "Did you hear that?"
"Yes. I'm on my way." The drell's breathing was labored over the comm.
"Roger."
Joker listened as Garrus, James and Shepard made their way methodically through headquarters, disposing of any and all who got in their way. James was presumably becoming more accustomed to working as part of the unit; there was less and less verbal communication with each successive mission. Silent and deadly – that's what they were.
When they reached the executor's office, Shepard said, "Bailey. They got the executor and both of his body guards. No sign of Valern."
"Damn. Well, keep looking. If there's no body, don't count him out."
There were a couple of moments of silence, and then Shepard exclaimed, "Found him! He looks unharmed."
"Get him somewhere safe!" Bailey ordered.
Joker wasn't able to fully decipher what he heard next. There was a shot and the sound of breaking glass, then a grunt from Shepard. She said, menacingly, "Don't even think about it."
"Shepard! He's going to kill us all!" he heard a high-pitched voice say. The councilor? But who was going to kill them? For the first time in ages, Joker lamented the lack of a video feed.
"That remains to be seen," Shepard responded confidently. Whatever was going on, it sounded like she was in control of the situation - or thought that she was, at least.
"I mean Udina. He's staging a coup. He's planning to hand the other councilors over to Cerberus!" the unidentified voice insisted.
Apparently ignoring this, Shepard continued speaking to the unknown assailant. "Three on one, pal. It's over."
"No." The attacker spoke for the first time, his voice low with menace. "Now it's fun."
"Thane!" Shepard cried, and the sounds of a scuffle ensued. Shots were fired. "Thane!" Shepard called again, only this time there was a shrill edge to her voice. More shots, followed by the echo of running feet and the sound of a clip being emptied.
"Dammit!" Shepard swore. "How bad are you hurt?"
"I have time," Thane responded. "Get him."
Bailey broke in. "Shepard? What's going on up there?"
"I need medics here. Now!" Shepard said to Thane, "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes. Go."
"There's an assassin. We lost him. He's after the rest of the Council," Shepard told Bailey, breathing hard. "Alert your men. Udina's trying to take control."
"They're on their way to a shuttle bay on the Presidium. I'll try to raise them on the comm."
"We're taking one of C-Sec's shuttles. We'll meet them there," Shepard replied.
A short while later, Bailey spoke again. "I have the Council's location. I'm sending it to your car."
"Roger. We're almost there."
Suddenly, more gunfire, and alarms started bleating in the background.
"Shepard!" Garrus exclaimed.
Unable to refrain, Joker finally asked, "What's happening?"
"Nothing," the turian replied, tersely.
James snorted. "If by nothing, you mean Shepard's hanging out of a moving car shooting at an assassin, then yeah. Nothing."
"Shut up, James," Garrus growled. Apparently, the new kid hadn't learned the ground team code yet - never inform the pilot about the crazy shit the commander did while she was on the ground. Or in the air, as the case may be.
The alarms grew more frantic until finally Garrus said, "Shepard! Get your ass back in here!"
"Brace for impact!" Shepard instructed, and then a bone-jarring screech as the shuttle crashed down.
"Ow," James remarked conversationally, as the hatch squealed open. Joker heard Shepard's boots hit the ground with a grunt.
"Let's go," Shepard ordered. "We're on foot now, Bailey, but we're close."
"Roger."
After a shootout in an elevator shaft (and really, Joker thought, he couldn't make this shit up if he tried) he heard a female voice that he identifed as Ashley's say, "Shepard! What's going on?"
"Shepard's blocking our escape! She's still with Cerberus." Joker recognized Udina's insufferable intonation.
"Just hang on. Everyone calm down." But there was uncertainty behind the words.
"I can explain, Ashley." In contrast, Shepard sounded calm and collected.
"Come on, Shepard. Gun drawn on the Council? It looks bad."
Joker took a moment to seethe inside. After everything, Williams still didn't trust Shepard? What the hell was wrong with her?
"Udina's behind this attack. The salarian councilor confirmed it."
"You have no proof. You never do," Udina scoffed.
"There are Cereberus soldiers in the elevator shaft behind us. If you open that door, they'll kill you all."
"We mistrusted Shepard before, and it did not help us." Finally, a voice of reason. It was feminine and unfamiliar– had to be the asari councilor.
"We don't have time to debate this. I'm overriding the lock," Udina declared.
A long pause, and then Ashley said, "Udina. Step away from the console."
"To hell with this," he growled.
"He's got a gun!" Ashley cried, and then a single shot was fired.
"Udina's down!" Shepard announced, to no one in particular, that Joker could tell.
"The door's opening!" someone else called out, and then Shepard said, "Bailey?"
And just like that, the standoff was over. Bailey confirmed Shepard's story about Udina working with Cerberus. The remaining councilors were evacuated.
"Shepard…" Joker heard Ashley begin, apologetically.
"We'll talk later," Shepard interrupted, brusquely. "You need to stay with the Council, and I need to get to the hospital and check on Thane."
"I'll go with you," Garrus offered.
"No. I'll go alone. I'm going offline, Joker." Her tone of voice made it clear that she was expecting the worst, and needed to face it on her own.
"Aye, aye," Joker said, and then added, "I'm going to dock a.s.a.p. If you need me…"
"Thanks," Shepard replied before the connection was abruptly severed.
It took some time for order to be restored, but Joker was finally given clearance to land. The Normandy was safely ensconced at the docks, but no one had heard from Shepard. The crew milled about restlessly, waiting for the orders that would allow them to disembark.
Garrus' voice rumbled over the comm. "Has Shepard returned to the ship yet?"
"No, and the natives are growing restless. You haven't heard from her, either?"
"I just went by the hospital, but she was already gone. Thane," Garrus hesitated. "Thane didn't make it."
"Shit," Joker breathed, although he'd suspected as much. All of a sudden, he heard a commotion outside the airlock. "Hang on a sec."
The exterior door opened as he approached. He saw Williams first as she was closer to the ship, her stance defiant. Looking around her, he saw Shepard staring at her steadily, though her posture sagged, as if burdened by a heavy weight. Tension sparked around the two women.
"Garrus," Joker spoke quietly into his omni-tool. "I think you should get back here, on the double."
"On my way."
"Everything okay here?" Joker inquired, tentatively. He received no response.
"I don't think it's a good idea," Shepard told Ashley, flatly. Joker could tell by the tone of her voice that it wasn't the first time she'd said it. Shepard never enjoyed having to repeat herself.
"But I don't understand." Ashley sounded frustrated. "This is my fight, too. I thought we resolved our issues."
"You pointed a gun at me today, Williams. I would say that your actions indicate some lingering reservations on your part. I can't have someone on my team that doesn't trust me."
"C'mon, Shepard. Put yourself in my shoes. Can you honestly say that you would have reacted differently?"
Joker saw Garrus calmly approaching Shepard from behind, and he saw Ashley take note of the turian's presence, as well. The two men hovered silently around Shepard like vigilant bodyguards. It would have been laughable, except it wasn't her physical well-being they were protecting, and they both knew it.
"Yes. I can. A friend sacrificed his life today - a man who followed me to hell and back once before without question. I asked for his help, and he was there. He was dying, but he was there. We were only acquainted for a relatively short amount of time, and still, he trusted me implicitly." Joker could see that Shepard was struggling to hold her emotions in check. "Just like Garrus, and Jeff." Ashley's eyes flitted to each of them in turn as Shepard said their names. They both regarded her with blank expressions and hard stares. "Liara. Those are the people I want by my side to the end."
Finally, Ashley's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine. I'll report to Hackett to get a new assignment." She walked past Shepard, beyond Garrus' stoic form, and then turned back. "I hope you won't regret this, Shepard." When Shepard didn't respond, Williams surrendered and walked away.
Shepard was resolutely studying the tops of her boots. "Are you coming aboard?" Joker spoke to the top of her bowed head. She shook it slowly back and forth.
"No. I was going to, but…I need some time to think."
"Okay."
"Dismiss the crew. Give them 24 hours leave."
"I will. Shepard…"
Shepard raised her eyes to his face. They were red-rimmed from crying and brimming with unshed tears. "Jeff," she interrupted. "I just need some time to myself. Please."
"Okay." Joker knew she didn't mean it as a rebuke, but it still stung. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted her to need him to comfort her.
Shepard ducked around Garrus with her shoulders hunched and head hung low. The turian watched her go and then came to stand next to Joker.
"Is she going to be okay?" he asked the pilot with concern.
"I don't know, Garrus," Joker replied, honestly. "I really don't know."
Joker tried to give her time and space, but when hours passed and she still hadn't returned, he grabbed a bottle of water and a sandwich from the mess and went to look for her. The Citadel was deep into its artificial night cycle, and its corridors were quiet. A curfew had been enacted for civilians so that clean-up from the attack could be accomplished quickly and safely. The only beings scurrying about were the keepers and people in uniform. Luckily, he was one of the latter.
He wasn't sure where to begin looking, so Joker eliminated places he knew she wouldn't be. There was no longer any reason for her to be at the hospital. The docks were too noisy and crowded, as was Purgatory – unless she was getting drunk by now, which was always a possibility. She could be in the Spectre office at the embassy, but that didn't feel right. He decided to try the Presidium first.
Joker emerged from the elevator and hesitated briefly before heading toward the fountains. He garnered some curious glances from the C-Sec officers, but no one challenged him. Without forethought, he found himself at the bench where they'd sat the last time they were here, but there was no sign of Shepard. Despite the devastation, there was something peaceful about the bubbling of the water in the dusky hush. Even the cleaning crews seemed to recognize it, going about their work with a minimum of chatter.
He stood for a moment, eyes roaming his surroundings, until he caught a glimmer of light from across the lake. It disappeared so quickly that Joker momentarily questioned its existence, but then it flickered back into view. On instinct, he began following the path that led to where the light seemed to originate.
Joker found her perched on an artificial hillside, mostly hidden by some low-hanging foliage. Shepard sat with her knees tucked in and arms wrapped around her legs. She stared out at the lake where a candle bobbed on the surface. It emitted the glow that he'd seen from across the way.
He carefully lowered himself to the ground next to her. Shepard didn't acknowledge his presence. After a few moments, Joker said, "I don't want to intrude. I was just concerned about you. I brought you something to eat." He handed her the bottle of water. She took it without comment, but didn't open it. He set the wrapped sandwich down beside her. When she remained silent, he said, "I'll leave you alone." He started to rise, but she finally turned toward him.
"You don't have to go," Shepard said, her voice husky. "I just don't really feel like talking."
"That's okay," Joker replied as he resettled next to her. "I don't really like talking, anyway."
The corner of her lips quirked upwards, almost imperceptibly. "Yes, that is your reputation." They sat in silence for a while, until Joker ventured, "I'm sorry about Thane."
Shepard sighed. "More names for the wall. Too many already, and we've just begun. Too damn many." All of a sudden, the words came out of her in a rush. "I know there are millions…hell, billions…dying out there every day. But these are my people. Mine. I'm supposed to protect them. Keep them safe."
"No," Joker corrected, gently. "Mordin…Thane…they knew what they were sacrificing. They did it for the war. To defeat the Reapers. And to keep you safe. They all know the truth, Shepard. Without you, we don't stand a chance."
Joker could see the tears tracking down her face. They sparkled in the light shimmering off of the water. "I don't want people to die for me."
"I know."
"Especially the people I love."
"I know," Joker said again, softly. He reached out and brushed a tear from her cheek.
"Today, Thane asked Kolyat to pray with him. Only he wasn't praying for himself. He was praying for me."
"Thane loved you, and he'd accepted his fate. He wouldn't want you to grieve for him."
Shepard turned her head so that she was once again looking out over the water. The candle had floated further from the shore so that it wavered faintly in the distance. "Do you think I was wrong to send Ash away?"
"No," Joker said without hesitation.
"Really?"
"Nope. What did we say on Illium? No more suicide missions for her." Shepard chuckled softly, and Joker continued. "Ash is a good soldier, but she doesn't trust you and she doesn't give you the respect that you deserve. We don't need people like her with us."
Shepard's eyes raked over his face. Her eyes shone in the dimness. "Thanks." She leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "C'mon. Let's get out of here."
They stood and Shepard slipped her hand into his. They slowly followed the path back the way that they had come. Just before they exited the Commons, Joker glanced back toward the lake, but he could no longer see the candle. Its flame had been extinguished.