AN: Excuses! Excuses! Excuses! I know I haven't written in a REALLY long time and I apologize! Work, dance,school, swimming, shopping. It's taking over my life. And I needed a burst of inspiration on where to take the story next, luckily I found one! So expect a post later tomorrow, that hopefully will make up for my lack of writting. This is just another small post, so read and review please and thankyou!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
Why had I agreed to this? Why on earth was I letting Dimitri walk me back to my room? Why hadn't I listened to my head? Why couldn't I decline his offer? Maybe it was because I wanted to know the motive behind his request to walk me home. But if I was being honest, it was because I had let my heart get in the way, and forgot to use my head.
We walked at a moderate pace, but it was difficult for me to keep up, seeing as one of his steps was three of mine. The sun shone down at us, casting our shadows across the dewy grass, while we walked in silence. In the past I never felt the need to fill the silences with Dimitri. I didn't need to be loud, obnoxious Rose Hathaway around him, and although I still didn't need to be those things, I couldn't stand the silence. I needed to fill it, and the only thing to fill it with was arrogant Rose Hathaway comments. So when I turned to him, I flicked on my typical attitude before speaking.
"What's with the chivalrous act Belikov?" I asked, breaking the quiet and adding to the tension that had been thickening between us. "I mean, you've always been the proper gentleman for the most part, your crazy pledge to Lissa proves that. But you've never been that way towards me. We both know I can take care of myself, so why offer to walk me home?" I asked, cutting out all of the bullshit and going straight for the answers that I really wanted. If I had caught him off guard he didn't show it, as he looked down at me with an unreadable expression.
"Why did you accept?" He asked in a crisp tone, his accent making me want to melt. I wanted to blurt that I didn't know why I accepted his offer, that I was just too stupid and too weak to ever say no to him. But I showed some self restraint by remaining cool, and giving him a small smirk.
"I asked you first." I told him, making sure to keep my tone level. I refused to reveal any of my true emotions - which were basically all over the place. If I did allow my feelings to show through my cool exterior, he would have a hell of a time trying to decipher continued to walk in silence for a while, and I began to wonder if he was even going to answer my question, maybe he would just bail and leave me to walk the rest of the way alone. I would've after everything that happened tonight, I wouldn't have even offered to walk me home. But no matter how enigmatic this whole situation was, I had to admit that I was glad that he was here with me. It may have just been the weak part of me, but his presence put me at ease right now. Had I really just admitted that? Had I actually allowed myself to have a good thought about Dimitri since returning? God, I must be losing it.
"There isn't just one reason." Dimitri's honey like voice ripped me out of my inner babbling, and I found myself glancing up at his strong, jaw line. He was facing forwards, and his face was blank as usual, but I could tell he was sneaking glances at me every so often. "I offered to walk you home, for many reasons. One was to get more information on what happened in Europe, and the threats that you faced. Another was to make sure that you were revealing everything about the bond, and not hiding any valuable information." He explained, and I couldn't help but feel my heart flounder. He just wanted to see if my story was legitimate. I let myself feel momentarily crushed for a minute, before letting my anger completely take over. He didn't trust my story? Between the two of us, I would say that I was the most trustworthy. I mean after all, who kept the promise to save the other and love them forever? And who abandoned that promise as soon as he was restored?
"But I also wanted to make sure you were alright. It's been a long night, and I was worried about you after you left Lissa's." He admitted, still facing forward in his face blank. I could tell that he was anticipating my reaction, possibly wondering if I would begin a fight by telling him not to worry about me. The idea crossed my mind, but honestly? I did want him to worry about me…only a little.
"That's not necessary, I can take care of myself Comrade." I told him primly, my eyes widening slightly when I realized I had called him Comrade. I hadn't used or even thought about that name in years, it was something I tried to block out while I was away. And it was one of the few things that I managed to do, so having it slip out now was a complete shocker. I meekly looked over at him to see his reaction, but all I saw was his guardian mask. Apparently, the name had hit some nerves with him too, or he could care less and just remained in guardian mode.
"Yeah, you looked like you could take care of yourself when you were unconscious on the gym floor." Was all he said, we were approaching the guest housing where my room was located, and I wished that the distance was longer. For some strange reason I didn't want this to end.
"I was just fine." I snapped, feeling a little defensive about that. "And I would've woken up sooner or later, you just intervened." I explained, trying to weave some type of Rose Hathaway logic into my excuse, but knowing that it was had walked all the way to the doorstep of the housing unit, and I didn't expect him to walk me any further, so when he opened the door and motioned for me to go first, I was stunned. I didn't hesitate though, I walked ahead like I owned the entire building.
"Rose." He sighed, clearly exasperated by my hot and cold attitude. "I don't want to fight or argue with you. I know that you can take care of yourself, that you're strong and independent, and all these other qualities. But despite those qualities, you can still accept help when someone offers it." He explained, stepping directly in front of me and preventing me from moving forward. It also forced me to look directly at him, into his smouldering dark eyes that made me feel like I was being sucked into an abyss.
"Are exactly are you saying?" I asked, replaying his words over and over again in my head. Was he offering me his help? I was struggling with a lot of things, although I tried to hide it and I did it well, but being Dimitri, he could see through that. Was he offering to help me with all of those impossible things? Or was he saying something completely different and I was just deluding myself by thinking he was offering help to me?
"I'm saying, that although we're not on good terms and although we've had a rocky past, I'm…here for you if you need it. Your strong, but your not invincible." The corners of his mouth pulled up slightly, as he gave me a meek smile. I was absolutely speechless. He wanted to be there for me? God, this was mind blowing and I stood there, like a deer in headlights for what seemed like hours, trying to form a coherent response.
Was he offering friendship? Was that what he was talking about, was he actually trying to say that it was possible to be friends. Or was he just suggesting that we be civil to one another? And did I truly want that? I did. I may not be able to have Dimitri in my life the way I wanted, and we could never be together again, not after all these years, but friendship or aquatints? It was doable. Besides, hating Dimitri or pretending to hate Dimitri was exhausting. Pretending that you hate someone you actually love was pretty draining, and with everything else on my plate, I needed the energy I was wasting.
But was it admitting defeat? Was accepting Dimitri back into my life being weak and pathetic? Was I just taking a step back after I took so many forward? I didn't know, and it didn't matter. My head was screaming not to do it, but my heart was shouting for me to accept him, and this time my heart won out.
"I may not be invincible, but I'm as close as it gets. I mean, how many times do I have to die and come back to prove that?" I scoffed, with a small smile on my face. I was letting the ice queen act that I had tried to maintain since my return to court, thaw slightly. I was going to accept Dimitri as a friend or aquatints, but I was never going to let my guard all the way down with him. I wasn't that foolish, and I refused to let him inflict anymore damage. "But thank you, I appreciate it the offer." I told him, and he gave an impassive nod, but I saw a relieved look in his eyes. It was brief but I knew that it was there.
"I'll see you at the training session in a few hours then." He said as we slowed our pace once we approached my door, I nodded my head as I reached for my doorknob, craving some sleep right now. I murmured a see you then before twisting the knob. But before I stepped inside his voice stopped me once more, and I looked up to see his guardian mask gone, and face earnest.
"Goodnight, Rose." Was all he said, before disappearing down the hallway. It was just two simple words, but it made my heart quicken. God. Why was I so..so…I don't know. My feelings were still all over the map, but one that I could easily pick out was happiness, something that was hard for me to feel lately.
I walked into the gym the next morning, Kai was walking behind me as we playfully bantered about who's Ipod to play during training this morning. Yesterday (and technically this morning) had been long and never ending, so I was relieved to finally start training for this mission. Although last night had been chaotic and crazy, I couldn't let it take over my thoughts, I had to focus on the task at hand. I had to remind myself that I wasn't just a carefree twenty-one year old, I was a guardian and I had so many people depending on me.
"Hello boys." I greeted once I pushed open the gym door, standing there in their workout attire was my strike team. They all looked serious and ready to fight anything and anyone, and for that I was crazy proud. I quickly glanced at Kai who gave me a small smile and nod, he was thinking the same thing that I was, that we could really pull this off.
"So before we begin today, I have a very important question to ask you." I told them, my voice low. And although this really was a serious mission and not to be taken lightly, I didn't want training sessions to be like military boot camp. "Who's Ipod would you rather listen to? Mine or his." I asked with a smirk.
"The better question," Kai stepped forward, a mischievous look on his face as he spoke. "Is would you rather listen to good music? Or her music." He laughed, and I playfully punched him.
"I have to vote Rose, sorry man." Eddie laughed, as he approached us and gave me a hug, I just stuck my tongue out at Kai. Both Guardian Mathews and Sherman just shrugged their shoulders, obviously not interested in debating the music choices, but instead wanting to get down to training. I appreciated their dedication to the mission and wanting to stay completely focused, but seriously, have a little input. Which left the last vote to Dimitri. Last night had been beyond strange, it started with me yelling and screaming at him, him carrying me across court and ending with a weird, mutual agreement to be civil. I didn't know how far that agreement extended, and if it included siding with my on music preferences. Somehow I doubted it.
"I think we should listen to Rose's." A low voice added, and I blinked several times before looking at Dimitri, who was leaning in the doorway, still looking graceful despite his giant frame. I just starred at him in surprise, not only had he agreed to listen to my music, but he didn't even mention the fact that it was a little trivial. I was stunned, especially since we did not have the same taste in music. The entire time that we were at together, Dimitri never let me chose the music we listened to. He would always pull his mentor card and played whatever music he preferred to listen to. Which was usually a mix between 80's hits and bad country songs, hell during one of our first training sessions, the man was listening to "when doves cry" by Prince.
"You're seriously voting for my music? The man who refuses to listen to anything other than hillbilly country?" I asked, too stunned to brag about my small victory. Dimitri stayed impassive as he shrugged, making his way over to me and grabbing the ipod from my hand, as he moved towards the central speakers.
"It's always good to try something new." Hr told me solemnly, and I just rolled my eyes at his answer. Leave it to Dimitri to give such a enigmatic, clichéd answer, that also happened to be a small zen life lesson. I guess the agreement we made extended farther than I thought.