**Warning: This Fic is dark, and the characters are not mine.**
Chapter 25. Some of Them Want to Use You
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
I wanna use you and abuse you
I wanna know what's inside you
(Whispering) Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Movin' on!
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
I'm gonna use you and abuse you
I'm gonna know what's inside
Gonna use you and abuse you
I'm gonna know what's inside you
~Sweet Dreams, by The Eurythmics
(But listen to the version by Emily Browning on the Suckerpunch Soundtrack)
"And when you dream, you will be in your garden. So fresh and alive like the trees, Alexander." The memory of the sun's warm remained long after the loving hand of his beloved grandmother fell from its place on his cheek. She brushed her fingers over his youthful glow of the newborn, as if she were polishing a rare jewel that would forever shine. She had loved this boy her entire life, but from the moment he was born Aileen knew there was something special in Alec. The outside air filtered in through the open window with the warm last breath of summer, that aged dry scent of the golden leaves that still hung to their trees, but their green washed away by the coming autumn. The roses that had blossomed all summer, had slowly started to fade the bright crimson red almost black now—the last summer rose. Everything was changing, before her eyes, but as Aileen held her new grandson she could only thing of spring again. He brought everything back to life.
"He will change the world someday, Maryse." She had spoken softly to her daughter as she walked with the baby inside her arms, her own first born still resting in her bed; exhausted from the labor. "A beautiful Spring baby, that will bring life to us all."
Maryse opened her eyes too tired to care really of what her mother went on about, and beyond annoyed that she still remained. Alec had hardly cried, but even the little faint whimpers made her sick to her stomach. She wanted nothing more then to sleep, and to be free from the both of them.
"Mother.." She started the distaste for her ignorance very clear, "Its September." The distant sound of a violin somber and sobering played in a careful pull through the windows as if someone stood in the garden to serenade the roses.
"No, M'dear. I do not mean his birthday..I mean when he will be reborn again."
Alec woke with a start half expecting to still smell the sweet fragrance of the last roses of summer, but instead found the stale damp stone he was growing bored of. The dream was so vivid, so real that he could almost still hear the violin singing sweetly into the night, and it made him rise up in the bed. He missed his grandmother then, her words still so warm in his heart, and he had never known what she meant—until now. All his life she went on about his rebirth, like a phoenix he had to burn it all down to rise again, but he was so lost from that now; even if he understood he still hadn't the faith in his ability to over come anything—not without Magnus. His body was healing slowly, but he wondered if he would ever get over the fear.
Touching his fingers to his eyes he started to rub away the foggy affects of his deep slumber, and with it wondered if he would ever feel so at ease again. It was time for a dose of his medication, the pain in his back was easily what woke him, and now it ached for relief. The room was so dark, with a single trail of candles set in the walls he knew the hour to be late, and the halls empty. He couldn't hear a single voice, nor the sounds of the everyday shuffle, but as he ran his fingers over his face—through his hair, he thought he still heard the violin singing sorrowfully in the darkness.
The dream was gone now, everything of that life seemed so forgotten about, and perhaps this was the time he was to learn to start tending to his own needs again. He needed medication, he wanted the ache to stop, but the sound of the sorrow strings perked his attention. This place seemed so void of any sort of culture, he almost knew the violin to somehow belong to Jem. The thought made him smile as his feet touched the cold ground, and the silk of his pants brushed the tops of his toes.
Haunted. The music seemed to haunt the halls as it echoed through the tunnels, and the closer Alec went the more his heart broke to hear it. As if the song of Jem's sorrow could be outlined by the melody lifting from the strings, Alec felt as though he could read them in the air. It broke his heart, but he came to realize this song was of more then death, it was of love lost, and things that could never be again. Jem was mourning..but what? Had anyone ever thought to ask? He had to make it right, Jem had been so kind to him, Alec knew he had to make him feel something more then his heartache.
The floors were so cold on Alec's bare feet his toes started to hurt, and he was still so weak he had to stop every few yards to gather his strength. However, it felt so refreshing to stand—to walk again as if he had finally learned how. He could stand on his own now stronger then before, and this little victory of conquering the halls was nothing compared to what was to come.
When the halls emptied out into the large open space of the Oubliette, Jem was standing there by the calm water that was so dark it reminded him of ink. It was an eerie place, and the cracks in the ceiling let the moonlight filter in while dust particles looked like fairies playing in the light. Alec was enchanted, and this was the Jem he knew. He controlled the elements around him, creating a world of peaceful bliss, and loving serenity. He was dressed like he once had been, in matching silk that was of a never changing design—as old as the arts he studied; the large symbol of balance there between his thin shoulders, and his hair down. With his eyes closed, Alec though he could still see the silver of Jem's eyes beaming through his pale eyelids, and his black lashes reminded him of the liner Magnus wore when they were pressed against his cheeks. He missed Magnus. Where had he gone? Where had everyone gone? Maybe he had dreamed their voices too, but this room..seemed like something out of a story. He could almost feel the remnants of the souls that slept here. What were they?
When the long boney fingers of the physician ended the song, the last note faded into the darkness, and Alec slowly brought his hands together in praise of the melody. Jem's moonlight eyes opened sharply, and his skin lost what color it had-which wasn't much. Alec could hear his friend's heart stop and could almost see the air suck in his lungs from the panic.
"Alec. You should not be here." Jem's words were as frozen as his stance in his place, and it puzzled Alec that he said you should not be here…not..you should not be up, as if Alec had caught him in the midst of a sin, his music was much the same. Like his paintings he knew it was expression, but even he in his devotional despair couldn't fathom such sadness. "I'm so sorry.." Jem looked defeated, "That I woke you."
Alec couldn't tell him of his dream, at how it wasn't his violin that woke him, but his grandmother—his rebirth into the world, but he wasn't about to let Jem have one more reason to hate himself.
"No, I woke up on my own. I think..." Alec started to explain about his pain, but knew Jem would only blame himself for that too. "I'm about ready for another dose of medicine maybe?" He admitted from his seat there, and Jem moved quickly to collect him. However, Alec would protest though unwilling to move and used his pain as an excuse to stay a little longer. "I'd like some water, if you don't mind."Jem gave a nod of his head before he moved to collect Alec the finest glass the Underground had, and filled with water from the jugs they collected.
"I will go get your medicine. Stay here. Please..do not get up." Jem was uneasy with allowing Alec to remain, but he knew the pain to be a good reason to remain. He had come so far on his own, it would be cruel to make him go back now, and he doubted he could carry him. Alec felt as though he was discovering a new world, and within it himself again. It all started to make sense, and his heart warmed thinking of Magnus tending to these lost souls. He had become their shepherd, and protected them here. Was that it?
Across the water a light flickered on a wall where old paper flapped in the draft, and Alec knew that his answers would be found there. He passed a look over his shoulder in the direction Jem had gone, and could still hear his footsteps disappearing down the tunnel. He could look, and it was easier to stand then he thought it would be. Adrenaline pushed him with his excitement to explore Magnus' world that he kept it so secret, but Alec had given everything to him.—it was only fair. He had let him on every secret he could, and even made him one of his own.
Alec turned up the lantern when he was closer to the large wall with what seemed to be a map of the entire city, and the lines of important streets outlined in red. He smiled seeing familiar places, and even found his own estate there as part of the outside source. He ran his fingers over the angry lines, but stopped as red x's replaced the path. These were all homes he knew, ones that housed the Seatholders, and it puzzled him. However, beside each house was a picture, a face, and a name he knew; and slowly he noticed the angry black ink that crossed out their features marking them dead—as 'x' always marked the spot.
Suddenly the water in Alec's hand trembled with his own shaken hands, as his heart stopped in his chest when he saw his own image reflecting back in a picture that someone had burned his eyes out of, and the glass he held in his hands soon shattered around his feet. Beneath his name there was another, the same name he was held tortured with until he was forced to plead it, and beneath that a fee that was marked paid. His hand came to his mouth, his lips feeling so dry suddenly as tears burned at his eyes, and it felt as though the only thing that held him together was his wish to be dreaming. He was still in his bed, and would wake any moment…
It couldn't be, but when he went over every name of the ones he knew to be dead—they were all marked in the same print. No..Alec took down his picture, hardly able to reread Hodge's name beneath it, the fee..hardly anything, as if Hodge would have done it for free, but now Alec was simply sick with the truth.
His shaken hands took down the image as if touching it somehow made it even more real, but he simply needed one more reminder that he was in fact awake, and no longer dreaming. Slowly, he heard the careful footsteps fall again through the hall, but it would not be Jem who found him clutching the image begging it not to be real.
The first thing Magnus noticed of his Prince was the way his eyes danced like his trembling hands as they went back and forth over the picture—reading, and rereading the text below it, and Magnus knew Alec was trying to put it together; or simply refusing to admit the truth. The lantern light was breathtakingly beautiful over his alabaster skin, and made his pale eyes swim with the warm golden amber of the glass. However, he knew it to be the unspoken, unshed tears of his undoing that made them appear so vibrant. Alec's eyes always gave away his true feelings, and though the dirt turned black from the blood burned his own eyes he couldn't close them. He wanted to take in this moment for all it was, and the cruel way his heart twisted in his chest he knew to be deserved. He would punish himself more then any God could. This was his hell, and he would never forget the look of complete betrayal over Alec's beautiful features. How did he even start? Was there any really any reason to? Alec's pain told him the truth that there wasn't much he could have done to take it back now. When Alec's eyes finally lifted to his own they were so accusing, and convicted him right where he stood. Magnus felt like he had been stabbed in the heart, and it was his own hand that pushed the blade.
Alec couldn't talk at first, he just stood there looking at Magnus with hatred in his eyes, but the shock finally came with a hiss, "You.." Alec's voice was hardly above a whisper, "You did this to me?" Magnus looked just as he felt, coming from a battle, but even Jem who now stood silent on the other side of the hall seemed to not notice the way the blood blended with the black earth like one of Alec's paintings. For a good moment they stood there against one another, dark against the light, a forbidden passion that was splitting down the middle once again.
"Alex..I tried to stop him." Magnus' voice was close to breaking, as he stared through his limp ebony strands that were soaked with the exhaustion that came with his position, even the glitter around his eyes seemed to dull.
"Stop him." Alec snorted taking a step back from Magnus to counter his slow advance, "Stop him from what? Beating me? Raping me? ..that whip." Alec shook his head as his tears blinded him, and his lungs seemed to refuse to fill with the air he gasped in.
"Alec, please." Magnus, in all his leather glory moved to try and calm his Prince, but Alec threw the picture at him in an attempt to keep the wolf away.
"No! Don't touch me." He hissed through gritted teeth as the anger refused to subside, "You don't EVER get to touch me again." Alec collapsed against the wall wanting support, needing the air that never came, and refusing to allow anyone to see him so defeated. His head dropped with his sobs, and his black hair came to mask his face until he raised his eyes once again, "You lied to me…How could you?" He couldn't stop the tears from falling now, "I loved you.."
Magnus went to one knee, falling as if he stood before the almighty ready to accept his punishment to hell. He would not beg for mercy, and didn't believe in second chances. However, all he wanted was for Alec to be returned safely. The world above was coming for their Prince, but only Magnus knew. He had left the battle that had been lost long before the midnight hour, and refused to go down without seeing Alec out to safety. "Alec please," Magnus shook his head trying to figure where to start, but Alec wasn't going to have any of it.
Alec couldn't make any words form on his lips, instead he did what he did best—bottle them, and like a true King he suppressed his tears, his cries, and the pain at best he could to suffer it all back.
It hurts..Magnus…
What my love?
My heart. I feel like I'm dying..
Don't..
I want to..
I won't let you..Magnus closed the distance between them, and his hand touched lightly the crumpled thin shoulder of his love, but Alec was quick to finally break.
"Get away from me!" Alec pushed Magnus back with enough force to make him stumble a few steps, and the Alec that bottled his emotions suddenly had nothing left. He seethed with anger, breathing now through his teeth, and his chest rising and falling harshly. "He fucked me. Over and over again.." He started through his clenched teeth, "Raped me so much all I could feel was his hate. He beat me. He broke me. He whipped me..He took everything from me that you gave me..you showed me. I didn't know what love was until I gave you everything." Alec dare not let his eyes fall from Magnus's own, as if telling this to his face made it somewhat more vindicating. Magnus suddenly knew what that whip felt like. "But do you know what I did Magnus?" Alec shook his head, "I thought of you. How all I had to do was survive so we could be together." Alec's shoulders fell as his rollercoaster emotions could hardly sustain themselves, and he slid down the wall until he was curled in to himself. "I'm so stupid…So fucking stupid."
Magnus wouldn't answer. He simply remained silent letting Alec vent his anger at him. Jem was the only one who could hear the footsteps coming, and only turned to face the hall when he heard something crash in the distance as the search party continued. They were coming for Alec, and this would soon all be over. Magnus knew Alec wanted death then, and when the prince finally pulled his knees to his chest, Magnus closed the distance between them.
"Alec.." It broke him to see his Prince so defeated, and that he could no longer comfort him. He was not wanted. "I've tried so hard to tell you." His whispers were half ignored as Alec's head still hung between where he hugged his knees to his chest, and the pain in his back easily ignored. Magnus moved his half gloved fingers to brush through Alec's hair, "You have to understand that we're forgotten down here."
"I don't have to understand anything!" Alec shot his gaze to Magnus like bullets of ice, and in that moment he was tired of hearing his bullshit. "Take me home. Get me out of here. Away from you. Away from this damn place." Alec looked then over the room, and could make out Jem's figure. However, he could tell the white haired youth was watching something down the hall.
"I don't have to, Alexander." Magnus' bottom lip quivered, and he suffered through the next words, and his own tears collecting. "They are coming to take you from me." With that Alec looked up to him, and it damn near killed Magnus to realize the trust was no longer there. They couldn't take what wasn't his anymore.
"Who?" Alec asked, but before Magnus could answer figures clad in black burst through the hall, their guns aimed high; perched on their shoulders like birds of prey, and their shouts like thunder crashing against the stone.
"Get down. On your knees." The soldier ordered Jem down, and Alec knew that voice.
"Jace!" He quickly came to his feet at best he could, and with that Mangus would watch Alec turn from him forever.
"My god..Alec!" The sigh of relief on Jace's lips was like a prayer sweet and soothing, and as the ranks fell in around him Magnus stood as well—he was forced to let Alec go. "You are alive..thank God. Oh thank you God." Jace's hands trembled with the rush, and the relief all at once as he cupped Alec's face in his hands. "He's alive. He's safe. You are safe." Quickly a set of men came with a warm blanket, a medic's blanket, and formed a rank around him. "Clear this room, move to the next." Jace barked to the soldiers, who did just as he instructed while the rest started to search the remaining Underground.
"Wayland," One spoke from the platform where the map was drawn out, and it was then Alec's attention turned with Jace to where Magnus still stood. He was no longer alone there, but already being taken to his knees by two men with rifles pressed against him—one to his neck the other to his back. "Look." All the evidence they would need to seal the fate of the Underground forever. "They are all there. We found them. Finally. Isabelle is there too.." The soldier turned to see Jace's face burning dangers with his angry gaze into that of Magnus', and his fingers rolled the barrel of his gun.
A/N: So I'm breaking this chapter down, and holding the other part hostage until you 200+ readers each chapter make yourselves known! Ha! (Not asking for 200, by any means! Just saying that if you read, say so. ^.^ I'll take what? 30..40..teehee, more like when I get a chance to post it.)
Also, in cause the warning wasn't clear enough—this is a very very very very dark ugly, twisted, story so..be prepared. I also have a KILLER busy work week coming up with Prom Season taking off (make up) and Wedding Season (photography) Also at the firm things are nuts too..wee, so I'm going to offer the snippet in advance for all the reviews I get cause I'm a whore like that. (Plus I'm going to be sooooo busy)
Jem's whole body shook as he knelt there under the weight of the arms that held him, and his mind went back to all the times he had lived his life in fear of leaving this world too soon. Now, with the hot end of the recently fired gun burned the flesh behind his neck he accepted his fate. He was ready to die.
Flashes of his life played over his eyes like the picture shows his mother used to take him to, and he wondered if William would be waiting for him at the gates of Heaven, or would he find him in the Hell he so often spoke of.
I also want to take this time just to say a HUGE thank you to all that have read this, and enjoyed it. It means the world coming from a little hometown girl who really doesn't have much else then her family, friends and her books. Thank you.