Courtney heard the cannon go off like all the others, but she didn't move. She had chosen to start out in Blue Base and remain there. She knew that if she went out looking for the others she was over ten times more likely to be eliminated first. But as long as she had four walls around her she knew she was safe.
"With no radar they'll have to come looking for me eventually, as soon as someone walks through that door I'll shoot him, and with a million dollars on the line I'll wait all day if I have to."
"It looks like Courtney is camping." said Chris looking at the monitor.
"How can you go camping in Blue Base?" asked Lindsay "There are no woods in there."
"Not that kind of camping." replied Harold "In Halo games, camping is when you stay in one place and wait for the enemy to come to you, usually with a shotgun or energy sword."
"That's not very heroic."
"Maybe not, but it's a legitimate strategy."
"Let's check on the others."
Gwen was pointing her pistol around the Red's side of the canyon.
"Two bullets for Courtney, two for John, two for Cody, and two to spare. Hopefully one of them will take the other two out then I'll have all eight for one person… Now where the hell are they?"
"Careful Spartans…" said Chris over the PA "There's something in the canyon we didn't have before… I wonder what it could be…"
"Oh great… more bad news."
Gwen looked around but didn't see anyone running around the canyon.
"They must be hiding… but where? Bingo!"
She started making her way toward the cave. But when she got there she found more than she bargained for.
"Holy crap!"
There were about forty Spartans crammed inside the cave; they must've been mannequins from the last challenge dressed in armor identical to the suits they had been wearing.
"Damn! Chris is screwing with us! To hell with this!"
Before Gwen could exit out the way she came a huge rock fell down in front of it.
"Hey!"
"You didn't really think it was going to be that easy did you?" asked Chris "You might want to turn your back, or you'll find a paintball on it. There is one other Spartan here in the cave with you."
"Shit…"
Gwen turned around and took a long look at the Spartans. There were ten dressed like her, ten dressed like Cody, and ten dressed like Courtney, but there were eleven Johns.
"He's here… but which one? I obviously can't shoot all of them."
"Okay Johnny… hold absolutely still… don't even breathe."
Gwen crept slowly toward the nearest John Spartan.
"Okay… If it has a reaction other than falling to the floor be prepared to shoot it."
Gwen punched the Spartan and in the back and it fell down.
"Wrong one."
SPLAT!
"Crap…" said Gwen as the word "Dead" flashed across her HUD.
"You just got Bond!" said John jumping out of his hiding place.
"Bond?"
"You know… Roger Moore as James Bond in, The Man with the Golden Gun? Francisco Scaramanga? I would have said Bonded, but that didn't sound right to me."
"Attention Spartans! Gwen is down!" said Chris "So don't waste your ammo if you see her walking across the canyon… on second thought I don't really care."
Heather's log
"I'm willing to bet the whole point of this season's theme was to make it easier for John to win again. He's Chris' favorite because he brought the ratings up last season. Why did I ever think I could win a game that's fixed?"
Chris' log
"The game is not fixed. If you'll recall Cody challenged John to a Halo match shortly after the conclusion of last season, and that's when I got my big idea. I can't help it if the teenage cancer survivor happens to win two seasons in a row."
Courtney's log
"One down two to go… I can taste the million!"
The game was stopped for a moment while Gwen made her way back to the center of the canyon.
"And the prize for fourth place… wait… there is no prize for fourth place! Sorry!" said Chris.
"No you're not."
"True… Now let the war continue."
Gwen took a seat with the rest of Team Cody.
Gwen's log
"Cody showed us that John can be beat, no offense John, but I can only get my butt kicked so many times."
All Cody's senses were going crazy. He did not want to end up in third place again, but he and John had never played a game of Halo where they had the whole freaking canyon to themselves, not even in a custom game.
"Calm down… You've got plenty of ammo and you only need to shoot him once… but first I need to find him."
Cody's first instinct was to check the cave where he had seen Gwen walking before Chris announced that she had been eliminated. He waited a whole fifteen minutes and then before leaving, but as he did so he turned around several times to make sure he wasn't being followed. He jumped at every single sound thinking it would be John. Back home John never used the cloaking device when they played Halo, and he still never saw him coming until it was too late.
"I won't be third place again! I just need to think… I've played Halo with John before… now if I were him, where would I be?"
Just then Sierra screamed so loud it could be heard all across the canyon.
"CODY! BEHIND YOU!"
Ducked and rolled down the hill just in time to avoid a shot in the back of the head.
"KEEP MOVING!"
Cody barely dodged another shot as he took cover behind a nearby rock.
"Oh boy! This could be it for the brave little underdog!" said Chris over the PA "He's got nowhere to run! John's got him cornered! It looks like it's all over! He's closing in for the kill! Cody's losing it! He doesn't know what to do!"
Cody didn't really know what to do. He had played against John so many times that the later knew all his moves by heart. He knew that the moment he moved out from behind the rock John would hit him with a headshot. If he stayed behind the rock too long John would be right on top of him. He tried frantically to think of a way out of this, that's when his hands found a rock the size of a baseball.
"Wait a minute, we're not playing Halo on the Xbox… so let's be unconventional… Here goes everything!"
Cody picked up the rock, another shot whizzed past his head as he came out of cover, and he threw the rock so it struck John on the bad side of his face.
"AHH!"
SPLAT!
For a moment everyone was silent.
"I DID IT! I HIT HIM!" bellowed Cody at last.
"UNBELIEVABLE! IMPOSSIBLE! INCONCIEVABLE! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! JOHN IS DOWN!" yelled Chris.
John got to his feet.
"You hit me in the face with a rock…"
"You jumped on top of the hallway during the last challenge." replied Cody.
"Touché…"
"Sorry John… my hands are tied." said Chris sounding sincere for the first time in his life.
"It's okay bro…" said Trent when John made it back to the center of the canyon "Look on the bright side."
"The bright side?"
"Yeah, you may have only come in third after winning all those challenges, but at least this makes you the proud owner of a kick ass new ride!"
At that moment Chef came driving up in the warthog.
"Holy crap! Yeah!"
"Here are the keys."
"Oh! Shotgun!" said Owen.
"I want to work the turret!" said Izzy.
"Maybe later, I want to see how this turns out."
Courtney's log
"I don't have to face John? Awesome! I'm in the final two, and nothing's going to stop me now!"
"Well Cody, it looks like it's just you and Courtney. Feeling lucky?"
"Go Cody! You the man!" said Leshawna.
"Cody's only used one of his eight bullets, and Courtney hasn't used any. Cody's the Halo veteran, but Courtney isn't going to give up the million dollars without a fight… It could go either way."
"We're lucky Bridge; usually you have to pay double for that kind of action."
"Geoff, we're not paying anything at all."
"Exactly."
"Will you people clam up! I'm trying to watch this!"
Back in the canyon Cody looked around the canyon trying to figure out where Courtney might be hiding.
"She never had the least deaths in a game, so how has she avoided getting shot in a game where you have to run around the canyon looking for your opponents who can kill you with one shot? Wait a minute… aha!"
Cody cautiously moved across the canyon to Blue Base.
"Warmer…" said Chris over the PA.
"Pick your poison." whispered Duncan to Gwen.
"What?"
"That's the situation. If Courtney wins we'll just never hear the end of it, but if she loses then the shit's gonna hit the fan hard."
Sierra's log
"Courtney is never a good sport when she's eliminated. I can't imagine what it would be like for her to lose in the final round, but I guess we'll find out because my Cody is going to clean her clocks!"
Cody finally made it to Blue Base and stood outside the door with his back to the wall.
"Okay… It's time for all those hours of playing video games and watching movies to pay off… I can do this… I'M A SPARTAN!"
The moment Cody set his foot inside the base Courtney jumped out from behind the wall and fired, unfortunately Cody saw it coming and dodged sharply to the side and fired a shot of his own. If you were as determined to win as Courtney was you would have seen the paint pellet flying across the room like it was in slow motion. She knew she had to end this quickly, but first she needed to keep Cody from moving. She leapt up into the air to evade Cody's shot and then kicked him to the ground, knocking his gun out of his hand in the process.
"This is it! I'm going to win!"
Cody grabbed Courtney's arm and forced it away from his head. Exerting his strength he kicked her off him and ran for his pistol.
"Oh no you don't!"
Courtney fired three shots at Cody, but they all missed.
"Oh yes I do!"
Cody fired three shots of his own. Courtney managed to dodge them, but the last one was too close for comfort.
"I need to put some distance between us."
Courtney turned around and ran out the other end of the base. Cody's experience playing Halo told him that running after a fleeing opponent isn't always the best plan of action, so instead he went out the way he came in and ran around the base, but Courtney was nowhere to be seen.
"Hey rocket boy!"
Cody's log
"Rocket boy?"
Courtney was up at the top of the base. Fortunately for Cody the sun wasn't out, otherwise he wouldn't have seen her shot coming. He quickly returned fire, but he forgot how many bullets he had left. After the third shot he remembered that he had already used one against John.
"Damn it!" he said tossing the empty gun aside.
"He's out of ammo? That means I've won! I won the game!"
"Not quite Courtney." said Chris "Cody may be out of ammo, but you still have to shoot him once to eliminate him."
"What's the point? With no bullets left he can't possibly win."
"No one wins and no one loses until one of you is shot. Rules are rules."
A few seasons ago Courtney would have threatened Chris with her lawyers, but at this point she knew it was like talking to a brick wall.
"Whatever… it's just a formality anyway. I'm the one holding the gun."
Courtney jumped down from the top of the base and ran after Cody.
"Come back here and die!"
Courtney fired two more shots, then she finally had Cody cornered against the back of the canyon.
"Game over…"
Click… click… click…
"NO! NO! NO! NOT NOW! HE'S DEFENSELESS!"
"Looks like both players are out of ammo, but this season cannot end without someone being crowned King or Queen of the Canyon."
"He ran out of ammo first!" said Courtney.
"Big deal! You couldn't hit a circus train if it was standing still!"
The other Spartans quickly got into the argument.
BANG!
Just like that everyone fell silent.
"Thank you Chef… Now as I was saying there's only one way to settle this fairly… We do a sudden death tiebreaker western style… A bullet in the brain at high noon!"
Lindsay's log
"Western style? I thought Halo took place in space."
Chris insisted on putting off the tiebreaker until twelve noon, saying it would be that much more dramatic.
"Okay you two it's nearly time. Once again you have both been given a pistol, but this time you've only got one shot. You stand back to back, and when I start counting you two start walking, on the count of ten turn and fire. And if you both miss then we're going to do it again and again and again until one of you is shot! Got that? Okay it's time for the prefight stare down!"
As Cody and Courtney faced each other Chef started playing the theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
"Oh boy… Shit is going down." said Leshawna.
"This is it, someone's about to lose this game." said John.
Owen was now sweating so hard he looked like a fountain.
"OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! GO CODY GO!" bellowed Sierra.
"I can't watch!" said Beth.
"I need new pants…" said Ezekiel.
"EEEWWWW!"
"Okay back to back!"
"I hope you've practiced your concession speech." said Courtney.
"Not on the best day of your life, and this certainly isn't it."
"Okay on the count of ten, turn and fire…"
"On ten, or ten and then turn and fire?" asked Cody.
John, Owen, and Harold all laughed.
"What's so funny?" asked Gwen.
"He's quoting Grif from Red vs. Blue." said Harold.
"On ten, okay here we go! One… two… three… four… five… six… seven… eight… nine… nine and a half… nine and five eighths… nine and three quarters… nine and thirteen fifteenths… fourteen fifteenths… TEN!"
SPLAT!
For a moment everything was quiet. Everyone had been so tense they didn't even realize who had evaded their opponent's bullet and who had been shot, but it only lasted for a moment.
"DOWN GOES COURTNEY! CODY WINS!" exclaimed Chris.
"I DID IT! I WON! I AM THE GREATEST! I BEAT EVERYONE! I'M NUMBER ONE!"
Everyone expected Courtney to scream the foulest profanity they've never heard, but she was completely silent and sank to her knees.
"Courtney… are you okay?"
"John… is that you John?"
"I'm here Courtney…"
"Good… could you hold me… because I think… I'm gonna cry…"
That's when it came. Try to imagine a little boy who didn't get the one toy he wanted for Christmas and stopped believing in Santa Claus as a result, try to imagine little girl whose precious pet just died, try to imagine a young girl with a bright future who just lost her fiancée, try to imagine a woman who just lost her only child. Add all that up and you might half an idea of what Courtney sounded like.
"WHY? I WAS SO CLOSE! I TRIPPED AT THE FUCKING FINISH LINE! WHY! WHY! WHY! IS THERE NO FUCKING JUSTICE IN THIS DAMN WORLD? WHY!"
Duncan's log
"I called it."
"Please tell me you got that…" said Chris to the cameraman.
John pulled out his pistol; he still had a few shots left.
Chris' log
"Good thing I was still wearing my armor."
John wanted to say something, but he was sure the last thing Courtney wanted right now was to listen to him justify why God doesn't say yes to every prayer. Maybe he could that to her later after she had calmed down, but right now it was best just to be there for her and let her get it all out.
"It could be worse…" said Izzy, even though Courtney wasn't listening.
"How?" asked Lindsay.
"It could be raining."
Speak of the devil and he's sure to appear. No sooner had Izzy's words left her that a storm rolled in.
"I'm thinking we should just have Cody's coronation and the party on the plane." said Chris "All in favor?"
"Aye."
As the Spartans took off in the Pelican they bade a final farewell to the canyon that had been their home for almost two months. They were heading back to North America in a private jet.
"Cody, by the power vested in me as host of Total Drama Halo, I do hereby crown you King of the Canyon!"
"Yahoo!"
"Hooray!"
"Long live the king!"
"Thank you, now before we get too caught up in the festivities… I'd like you all to join me in a song, in honor of me."
Almost at Cody's command it was like the entire room had turned into a dance floor with disco lights and everything.
"I am the best. No one else is any better. Maybe they're as good, but that's still a tie for the best. No one else is me, I'm the best Spartan in the U-u-universe! Sure the Chief's out there, and he's pretty good, but I haven't met him yet, we don't hang out."
"Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody!"
"I am the best…. I am the best… back me up Cassandra."
At that moment Cassandra appeared in a full body hologram dressed up like an exotic dancer.
"I am the big dog, top of the line. Numero Uno, man! Listen! I'm the illest Spartan you know it. GOD OF THE Spartans, Cody is the name, discard other Spartans, Cody is the name, nobody is better and I know you feel the same. I'm so rare that all the other Spartans ain't even in my atmosphere! They know to clear the way when the best come through, because I'm just the best and there's nothin' they can do… Uh… Many tried, but just can't beat me, they all say it's hard but to me it's rather easy, to do what I do, better than the rest, It takes four words, I am THE BEST! All praise Cody the best just admit it. Can't live without me so you gotta live with it. I gotta split so let me hear you shout, Cody you the best that's right SHOW 'EM OUT."
"Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody!"
"I am the best!"
At the end of the song the others gave him a big round of applause.
Harold's log
"Red vs. Blue: I am the best, but with slightly different lyrics. Awesome…"
"Now for my first official act as King, I do hereby decree… let's party!"
Cody may have won the million and the title, but almost everyone else was glad just to be going home, and since they were getting a new HD TV just for competing in the season they wouldn't be going home empty handed.
"Would the new King like a very special coronation present?" asked Sierra.
"I'd much prefer it if you simply stopped trying to break me in half." said Cody.
"Sorry…"
Cody's log
"If I had a dollar for every time she's kissed me since I won, I'd be even richer."
It didn't take long for Cody to notice that not all the Spartans were celebrating. In another part of the plane John was still trying to console Courtney.
"Do you think she'll be okay?"
"I'm sure he'll think of something… He has powers." said Owen.
"Actually he's just very good at talking to people."
"That's what I meant."
"You know what my grandpa would say to me when stuff like this happened to him?" asked Sierra.
"What?" asked Gwen.
"He said… What the hell are you doing on the damn computer twenty four seven! You'd think it was the greatest invention since frozen pizza!"
It was hours before Courtney finally stopped crying.
"I was so close… I tried so hard… why did it all have to be for nothing?"
"I wouldn't say it was for nothing. You did win an all-expenses paid vacation for two to anywhere in the world you want to go."
"That's not why I entered this game again… I thought this time I could win the million dollars… I prayed that I would… why?"
"God answers all prayers Courtney, but sometimes his answer is no, he even said no to his own son. We can't always know why, we can only trust in his plan for us."
"You really should be priest, you know that?"
"Does this face look like its cut out for the priesthood?" said John pointing to his scar.
"Well… when you put it that way…"
"Will you be trying again next season?"
"Why bother? With my luck I'll end up getting my head shaved for nothing like Heather."
John's log
"That would be a tragedy."
For a moment John didn't know what to say, but then he figured it would probably be better if he didn't say anything. Instead he started playing a song on his ocarina.
"What's that one?"
"It's so easy not to try, from Rankin and Bass' Return of the King."
"Isn't that part of Lord of the Rings?"
"Yes it is, but since the saga is so long they only did The Hobbit and Return of the King."
"Let me guess, it didn't win anywhere near as many awards as the live action film."
"You're right about that. Despite the fact that the big bad guy they had been talking about through the entire saga wasn't even in the final battle."
"I wouldn't know, I've never seen any of them."
"You don't know what you're missing."
"Maybe you can show me during our vacation."
"Excuse me?"
"Chris did say the prize for second place was an all-expenses paid vacation for two… Would you care to join me?"
"It's a date." said John smiling.
"So what do I call your blog?" asked Sierra.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"I'm always around. Anyway, at the moment it's a tie between Johney and Courtohn."
"Johney is just wrong and Courtohn sounds like something you put in your salad."
"How about… The Princess and the White Dragon Knight?" suggested Bridgette.
"Mmm… I like it."
"Good, now quit being squares and come join the party." said Cody.
The End