AN: Away we go…I think this is the chapter you've been waiting for. :) I hope it doesn't disappoint. Please take the time to review and let me know!

Disclaimer: I've searched the entirety of the internet for a copy of Alan Rickman's famous fish scarf…but sadly I don't own that. I also don't own HP. *snaps fingers*…dang it!

Chapter 26: If I Should Die Before I Wake….

He felt cold. His whole body felt like it was encased in ice, and there was a numbness throughout that caused Severus Snape to be sure that he was in some cold and dismal grave. So this was death. It had come at last. How many times had he evaded it? How often had the reaper been lurking just at the doorstep of his life, waiting in the shadows to grab hold of him? And now death had won. He was sure of it. But then, he realized, somewhere in the depths of his mind, but somehow also just at the surface, there was a warmth. It began where he thought his hand was, and soon, the tingles of that warmth rose up in him and invaded the very cells of his body, causing him to become wakeful and aware. The vestiges of life were still within him, then, he realized, and with a mighty intake of breath he was awake and staring at the ceiling of a very familiar room. This was the hospital wing at Hogwarts. He was laying on a cot, only half covered by a thin sheet. And as he painfully, slowly, ever so creakily turned his head to the side…he realized where the warmth was coming from.

At his side was a familiar still form-that of one Hermione Granger, the young woman who had captured his heart, his soul…his everything. His body recognized several things then. Pain, yes. There was pain-an almost completely crippling sensation of his whole body returning from a half sort of life. But there was also comfort. The small and irrefutable comfort of a small, warm hand in his, clutching his long fingers in a grip that nearly astounded him. She was asleep, her tousled hair a knotty mess of short, wild curls, her eyes looked sunken and he could see the bruising of dark circles beneath the fan of her eyelashes. She looked beautiful, he thought.

All at once she stirred, as if she sensed he was awake by her side,and he watched with a catching of his heart as her eyes fluttered open, and a small gasp escaped her lips.

"Severus! You're awake! I should get Madam Pomphrey," she murmured, and she moved to get out of her own cot, but she was halted by a firm grip on the hand still attached to Severus.

"No…" he rasped, his voice harsh and stilted. "Stay." It was a command, albeit a gentle one, and Hermione shifted a bit and leaned forward, pressing her cheek against the hand clasped her own.

"Of course. Whatever you wish. How do you feel?"

"Tired. Thirsty. Water." He spoke in short bursts, as if every utterance exhausted him. He felt like he'd never have energy again, but her hand holding his and the smoothness of her cheek pressed against his palm was like a balm to his sore body, and it helped.

"Yes, water," she said and separated her hand from his briefly to quickly grab the full glass at his bedside. He nearly moaned aloud at the loss of contact, but he gratefully accepted it when she placed the rim of the glass to his parched lips and he drank first in sips, then greedily, the cool water soothing his aching throat. It was only when she replaced the glass on the table that he realized why she'd had to let go of his hand.

"Your hand…what happened?" His dark eyes were laced with concern and her own eyes fluttered a bit as she looked down at her bandaged wrist.

"Oh, well, it seems I took a bit of a tumble. It was rather stupid of me, really, but you see, I was preoccupied at the time. I was trying to save your life, and it didn't exactly go as planned." She gave him a small, wan smile which he returned with a slight smirk of his own, the small movement brightening his severe features made more stark in the sterile environment of the hospital ward.

"Bloody Gryffindor. Always doing precisely what you've been instructed not…to…do," he growled low in his throat and brought his hand up to rub a calloused thumb across her cheek. "I didn't want you to come. Didn't want you to see…"

"Shhhhh, please try not to think about it, Severus," she murmured softly, leaning her face into his gentle caress. "It's over now, and you're here, and you're awake and…" then her voice caught in her throat and she could no longer speak. Hermione did her damnedest to stall the tears that were rapidly forming, but try as she might, they slipped slowly out, sliding down her cheeks in rivers of grief and pent up agony.

He'd been asleep for three days. And she hadn't left his side. She'd helped Madam Pomphrey wash his hair, she'd read to him from a selection of books she thought he'd appreciate. She'd sat awake for hours just holding his hand, praying he'd wake up, wishing more than anything to see those dark, expressive eyes of his.

"Hermione…" he murmured, that velvety voice washed over her, filling her with an innate sense of calm and comfort that she knew only to be associated with him and who he was. He was hers. And she was his. Somehow, through all of the strife and heartache over the past month, they'd become kindred spirits, and their souls had connected in a way that was so deep it astounded her. She'd realized over the last few days, that she couldn't imagine living another moment of her life without him.

She'd spoken with Harry about it when he'd come to visit and found her staring at the sleeping man beside her.

"You all right, Mione?" His voice had startled her. She hadn't expected him to be there. It was late and she figured he'd be home with his family by now.

"What are you doing here? Won't Ginny have your head?"

Harry smiled and shook his head, taking a seat by the bedside. "Nah, she's already had her fit. Nearly took my head off when I got to the burrow yesterday. Once she'd threatened my manhood she gave me a hug, and we made up, you know. She was just worried. And I understand. I'm lucky to be alive. Actually, she's the one who sent me here. She wanted to come herself, but she's got James and Albus, and she'd not too keen on leaving the house right now. This whole mess shook her up quite a bit."

"Understandably. Harry what were you possibly thinking going off like that? You're a trained Auror for Merlin's sake. And Severus…I…Oh Harry," and she'd collapsed against his shoulder in a fit of tears. He comforted her as only a very very good friend can comfort someone, and he'd hugged her close while she poured out her sadness onto his shoulder.

"This is what it's like."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Love. This is what it's like. You asked me once, many years ago now, when you and Ron had broken up and Ginny and I had just gotten married. You'd just taken over potions and I think you were feeling a bit…lost. You asked me what love feels like," he smiled and nodded his head at Severus and then turned his eyes back to her. "This is what it feels like."

Hermione snuffled and barked out a laugh. "He told me he loves me."

Harry nodded. "Good. That's good."

"I told him I love him back."

Harry smiled. "That's usually how it goes, if all is right in the world."

"Harry I…what if I can't give him what he needs? I'm…" her eyes were wide and fearful, the haunted look that had taken over her since her rape and abduction returning to her carmel depths, "I'm broken, Harry. I'm not…I'm not okay. I'm not…whole…I'm not…pure." She looked at Severus and bit her lip, and for a moment she allowed the bitterness in her heart to swell to the surface. "How can he want someone so damaged? How can he love someone who's been so…violated? I don't even know if I can ever…." she paused and closed her eyes, tears leaking from beneath her lids.

"Hermione," Harry admonished, "I think that all of those things make you and Severus perfect for one another," Hermione looked at him incredulously.

"What do you mean?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Don't get me wrong, It's not like I fancy the man to be a romantic or anything, but I think you two need each other. He's still…well…you know, it was hard for him when he was younger."

Hermione nodded. "Your'e right. He's quite damaged as well, I suppose." She gave herself a shake and smiled. "Well, you know what they say, I suppose. Misery loves company."

Harry smiled. "That's the Hermione I know and love. And hey, if nothing else, at least you can bond over…potions…or whatever it is you potions enthusiasts do," he grinned when she slapped him playfully across the arm.

"Thank you Harry."

"You're welcome, Hermione."

"Harry,"

"Yeah?"

"Go home. Tell Ginny I send my love to her and the boys. And then take your wife to bed and get to work on that third brat she's been pestering you about."

Harry's eyes grew wide and his face burned. "Hermione!"

She smirked in response. "Yes?"

"Remind me to never eavesdrop on the "woman talk" you and Gin have next time we're over. I think I'm better not knowing."

"That's why it's called woman talk, Harry. But I thought, just this once, I'd break the secret code and fill you in."

"Right, well, off I go.

"Splendid!"

Before he left he turned back and looked at her earnestly, "You'll be okay, Hermione. You and he both."

"Thanks."

"What are you thinking about?" Severus asked her, breaking her out of her reverie. He was regaining some color, and his eyes were warm once again, making her shiver a bit, goose flesh breaking out on her exposed arms.

"Just about you and how happy I am you are here, and alive. I…I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you. And all because of me."

"Hermione," he looked pained, "don't. Evil will always exist in this world, and you…" he paused, his eyes flickering up and down her face, "you are… the embodiment of all that is good. Hermione…I…I would not…I could not. I…" he looked so uncomfortable and unsure that she smiled widely and took pity on him.

"I love you too you great softie."

His eyebrow rose and his face grew stern, though the light in his eyes betrayed his true motives. "I am nothing of the sort. You'll do well to remember that…" he broke off into a fit of the tremors then, and he gripped her hand painfully hard once more.

"Poppy!" Hermoine shouted, hopping her voice would carry. She would be so grateful when she would be able to get a new wand. It was quite bothersome to be without it, and she was still far too depleted to even think of conjuring a wandless patronus.

Footsteps echoed through the ward and the medi-witch made her appearance and began casting the charms that would ease the tremors, though they would not end the suffering Severus was experiencing.

"He's awakened?"

"Yes, just moments ago," Hermione responded, moving away so that Poppy could do her work. "Can I do anything?"

Poppy shook her head absently as she began to coax a potion down Severus' throat. He was adamantly protesting, but his tremors made it hard for him to resist.

"Relax, Severus. It's one of Hermione's. Now drink it you stubborn man so that you can get well and bugger out of my ward, you old sour puss!"

Hermione giggled, but it warmed her heart to see Severus roll his eyes and accept the nerve numbing potion Poppy was administering. He drank it down in one gulp and fell back against the pillows, looking exhausted, and much worse for the wear.

"You should sleep now," Hermione stated, after Poppy rushed off to acquire more potions.

"No…don't want to sleep," he slurred. The calming draught was obviously taking effect, and his vision was growing bleary. He felt a momentary panic at the thought of being in the land of nod once more. There were only night mares for him in his sleep and he'd no wish to revisit them. He much preferred the sight of this beautiful witch by his side to the dark and distorted daemons in his dreams.

"Sleep, Severus. I've added a bit of Dreamless Sleep to that batch of calming draught. Rest, and I shall be here when you wake."

He smiled, ever so slightly, so imperceptibly that she almost didn't catch it. "Thank you…Hermione. I…"

"I know. You are welcome. I love you too."

He drifted off, feeling that comforting, warmth in his hand again, but this time, the cold did not return, and his conscious thought dissolved into visions of a warm fire, a willing witch, and a good book in his hand….

Hermione gazed down at the sleeping man before her and she felt-for the first time in days-relief. She reached out with her injured hand, careful not to jar the mending bones within the bandages and smoothed the permanently etched wrinkle between his charcoal brows. Her extended finger traced the crease, then down around the triangular bridge of his characteristic nose, down further across his lips, relaxed in slumber.

She couldn't know what made her do it, but a prayer that her mother used to say every night before bed during her childhood came to mind and with a quiet, gentle voice she uttered:

"Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take."

Then she laid back against her own pillows and drifted off to sleep, safe in the knowledge that tomorrow would hopeful be brighter and better.

TBC

Well, I hope you are all happy to see that Severus is alive and well. At least, as well as he can be under the circumstances. Don't worry. He's in good hands. :) Please take the time to review. It means the world to me!

SS