Chapter Twenty-Six
"Really? Still can't talk to me?"
Penny (TBBT Season 4)
"The Roommate Transmogrification"
After having sex for the first time with the man she loves, it's usual for a woman to get breakfast in bed, foot massages, or grandiose proclamations of eternal devotion.
Amy got a trip to the laundry mat.
"Don't forget to add a dryer sheet," Sheldon cautioned. "Static cling is the plague of the unprepared."
Nodding, she tossed in the requested sheet, shut the dryer door, put in the money, and turned it on. Sheldon stood two machines down, doing the same thing for his own clothes.
"That's the last load," she commented because she couldn't think of anything else to say.
"I know," he said, as he arranged their suitcases strategically on a table for when they would begin folding and packing the dried clothes. Once his job was complete, he pulled out his laptop and got busy ignoring her ... again.
After coitus, everything had been perfect … for about a minute. Then, of course, the full reality of all they had done seemed to sink in to Sheldon. Little by little, he started to retreat. First, he stopped touching her and scooted away. Next, he sat up in the bed, using a pillow to cover his genitals. After announcing his need to shower thoroughly, he grabbed his robe, slipped it on, and scurried from their conjugal bed without a backwards glance.
Amy tried not to take it to heart. After all, it's not as if she thought sex was going to be a magic wand to fix all of his little quirks and issues. She just hadn't counted on this … whatever it was.
Well, he hadn't run screaming from the room or curled into the fetal position to cry. So, she supposed one should count this as progress. But his silence and unwillingness to truly interact with her seemed almost as bad. Amy couldn't help feeling disappointed. Was it wrong to expect a little romance after such a huge rite of passage in her life? OK. Maybe not breakfast in bed. Who wants to deal with all those crumbs? Also, foot massages were out. I'm quite ticklish, after all. And, grandiose proclamations of eternal devotion really weren't Sheldon's style. They always come off as tacky and unrealistic in movies anyway. Still, he could have done something romantic to mark the occasion.
Sheldon, however, acted as though nothing of significance had occurred. He showered, dressed, and immediately went to work retooling the itinerary so they could complete the day's errands and still get to his mother's on time. As they were both running low on clothes, laundry topped the list.
The only outward sign that betrayed him was his increased appetite at lunch. He wolfed down two double cheeseburgers, a large helping of fries and decimated two bowls of cobbler. But, when she remarked on the food, he shrugged and blamed it on missing breakfast.
Conversation between them was limited to the most banal of subjects, and it became as difficult as teaching a monkey to read to get Sheldon to spit out more than a few words at a time. Even those dwindled to nothingness once the loads started coming out of the dryer. Together, they folded the laundry and packed it away in silence. He wouldn't even allow her to wash her clothes in the same loads as his—as if it would somehow be obscene to have her whites touching his. This bothered Amy probably more than it should have. It was ridiculous and hurtful in a way that felt petty and mean. But, she didn't say anything. She just pasted on a smile and tried to be patient in order to give him time to adjust. He obviously needed time to adjust. A good girlfriend would be patient. Wouldn't she?
All thoughts of patience ended right around the time that the last load came out of the dryer. One of her bras somehow got mixed in with his shirts. When he accidentally touched it, all hades broke loose. The second Sheldon realized what he was holding, he dropped it like he'd been scalded, pointed to the offending article, and sternly suggested she remove it from his pile with all due haste. Outraged, she did so, shoving it into her suitcase. Now he can't even touch my clothes? That's it, she decided. No more.
"Sheldon, we need to talk."
"Why? Did you lose one of your socks when you were moving the clothes from the dryer? I warned you to be careful about that. Look in the lint trap. I know it's disgusting, but sometimes they like to hide in there."
"No, I mean we need to talk about what we did this morning… in bed … together."
He kept his attention on the shirt he was folding. "There's nothing to say."
"So you want to pretend nothing happened?" Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest. She didn't think she could take rejection right now. She was feeling too vulnerable as it was. After saving her virginity for this long, she'd wanted her initial experience of lovemaking to be a welcome awakening of the senses and a physical representation of the feelings she had for her partner. And it had been. But, Sheldon's actions now was canceling out all of the good feelings she'd had and making it more like a nightmare.
He sighed and placed a stack of undershirts in his suitcase. "Amy, I couldn't pretend nothing happened if I wanted to. That would be impossible. It happened. Why must we now belabor the point?"
"Why?" Amy said. "Because this morning I made love with my boyfriend and now he won't even look me in the eye. How do you think that makes me feel, Sheldon?"
When he just kept folding his clothes instead of answering, she lost it. "Or don't you care? You're not even trying to take my feelings into account. You said you would. Why won't you at least try?"
She pivoted around to the door, intent on going outside to get some much-needed space away from him. But he raced over and blocked her exit. At last, with some obvious struggle, he looked up into her face. He tried to reach out to touch her, but it seemed too difficult a task for him to accomplish. His hands fell uselessly at his sides.
"Please, Amy, don't leave. This isn't easy for me. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Everything is happening so fast, and I don't know how to manage it all. But I am trying. Never say I'm not trying." He took a deep breath and let it out. "This will get easier—for both of us. It has to. As time goes on, I'm sure I'll not feel as …" Sheldon winced "vulnerable as I feel right now." He shuddered and gritted his teeth. "I hate having feelings."
"Vulnerable?" she asked, latching onto this. He feels vulnerable, too? It made sense, but it was still comforting to hear.
He nodded. "Yes. I shared that majestic moment with you—a moment I thought I would never experience—much less that I would ever willingly want to."
Majestic? He thinks it was majestic? A part of her melted. Really? "You liked it?"
He seemed shocked that she would even have to ask. "After all we did together, how could you think otherwise?"
"Sheldon, I'm a neurobiologist, not a mind-reader. I know you don't like discussing your emotions, but you could have mentioned that you liked it. You weren't the only one feeling vulnerable, you know."
He considered this before giving a few quick nods. "I see. Then, yes, Amy, I liked it. I liked it a lot. More than red vines, more than trains." He bit his lip before blurting out the last item like it was a heavily-guarded secret. "I liked it even more than my spot."
Amy was blown away. More than his spot? She blushed, and her knees suddenly felt weak. Sheldon might not deliver compliments very often. But when he did, they were doozies. "Then why act like this? Why shut me out after all we've been through?"
He swallowed and continued, "The moment … this morning … It made real just how much power you wield over me, Amy; how much my life would become insignificant if you weren't a part of it; and how much more of myself I'm going to lose before this is all over." He groaned. "I hate dealing with emotions. It's exhausting."
"Sheldon, I told you, we can continue on as we have. Nothing needs to change right away."
"But, don't you see? It already has. This morning brought that fact home for me. You … hold … everything, and I… I… you…" His voice trailed off as he grew flustered and unable to speak. He stared at the floor a second before shooting a panicked look back up at her. "Don't leave me. I'm working through this. I am trying. Just don't leave."
She threw herself into his arms, burying her face in his Green Lantern shirt. "I'm not leaving you. I was just going outside to get a better handle on my anger."
It took a while, but he finally wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to him. "Say it. I'm apparently turning into a hippie because I need to hear it again," he murmured against her hair.
"I love you, Sheldon Cooper."
He sighed and relaxed against her. "I'll never get tired of hearing that."
She smiled. "And I'll never get tired of saying it. Just don't shut me out anymore, all right? Whatever it is you're feeling, talk to me. We can work it out."
"I'll try. I'll hate it, but I'll try," he said and kept holding her. They stood there for a while as Amy's hand lightly stroked his back. "Oh, dear." Without warning, he took her by the shoulders and carefully set her away from him. "Will this infernal mess never end?"
"What?" she asked, confused by his actions.
"I want you again. I assumed, after this morning, this incessant urge would leave me, but it seems to have expanded exponentially. I thought by keeping our clothes separate, I would be able to stop thinking about this." He shook his head in dismay. "But, now I'm touching you and that just makes it all worse."
"What do our clothes have to do with anything?"
"Amy, how am I supposed to not think about coitus if I'm holding your panties in my hands?" He scowled like she was being deliberately obtuse. "I must say, I dislike how much control you seem to exert over my mind and body."
Amy laughed. "You think I'm controlling this? You're wrong. I'm just as susceptible to your wiles as you are to mine. Believe me, it's taking all I have right now not to climb you like a tree."
His eyes shuddered at that, and it seemed to take him several minutes to recover. "So, what now? We become nothing more than animals in heat whenever we're in each other's presence?" He grimaced as he seemed to consider the ramifications of that. "That will certainly make our group pizza nights back home somewhat awkward. I don't even want to consider how this will affect our scheduled monthly date night."
She grinned at the salacious mental picture already playing in her head. "I do."
He frowned in disapproval. "You're not helping."
She giggled and threw herself back in his arms. He caught her with a guttural oomph.
"Sheldon," she said, "if our biggest issue as a couple is that we never want to leave the bedroom, I think we'll be doing fine. But, don't worry. I have no doubt that as we get used to this new facet of our relationship, these kinds of issues will work themselves out."
He peered down at her. "You mean there will come a time when I feel like myself again?"
"More like a new version of yourself, but yes."
He pondered this for a while before giving a long sigh. "I'm not sure about that. I don't believe I will ever stop wanting you."
As uncomfortable a confession as it clearly was for him to make, Amy still found it terribly romantic. The fact that it took place in an empty laundry mat of all places somehow only made it better.
— —
They made it to Mary's house about an hour later. Sheldon's mother had made it clear the night before that it was especially important that all of Meemaw's children and grandchildren be present at her house to go over arrangements for the funeral service. Then, after an early dinner, everyone would caravan to the funeral home together for the viewing.
Once they made it inside, everyone crowded into the living room as Mary went over the schedule. George was there, but said nothing to them. Sheldon forced Ginny out of his spot and her sister Hannah out of the space next to him so Amy could have a seat. Amy would have found her boyfriend's behavior rude had she not been slightly turned on by his gruff, no-nonsense demeanor. She'd always been a sucker for that side of Sheldon.
"All right. Everyone needs to be at the church no later than 10:30 am tomorrow. That way, we can walk in as a family. Pallbearers will all sit together in the front two pews on the left-side aisle," Mary said. "The pastor will give you a signal when he's done with the sermon and you'll all file out together."
As Sheldon was a member of this group, this meant he and Amy would not be sitting together at the funeral. But, it didn't bother her. She'd find a place somewhere in the back. She smiled to herself and, out of the corner of her eye, noticed that George was watching her. What in the world? She ignored him and tried to focus on what Mary was saying.
"After the pastor makes his welcoming remarks, Missy, you will get up to sing 'The Old Rugged Cross.' Then, Hannah and Hazel, you'll both read that real pretty poem you wrote for Meemaw." Mary paused to wipe away a tear.
"Your sister can sing?" Amy whispered to Sheldon.
He gave a nod and turned back to his mother, seeming to get more nervous the longer she spoke, which made no sense. Is he worried about being a pall bearer? Why? She looked up and noticed George staring again. This time, she looked him full in the face, expecting him to turn away. He didn't. If anything, he stared at her harder. What is that about?
Mary pointed at Ginny. "You'll read the eulogy next, and then it'll be time for Sheldon. The pastor will do a brief sermon, and then signal the pall bearers to get ready. As they carry out the casket, the congregation will sing 'Amazing Grace.'" She looked to her sister and brother. "Once we get to the graveside, it'll be time for the three of us to read the 23rd Psalm. The pastor makes his closing remarks and that'll be it. Does everyone understand what they're supposed to do?"
There was a flurry of nods and people began to file into the kitchen to fix their plates until only Amy and Sheldon remained behind. Sheldon, in the interim, had grown tenser. Amy touched her boyfriend's shoulder to get him to look at her. "What are you supposed to do?"
"Meemaw left a letter she wanted me to read at her service."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
He shrugged. "I found out on Sunday and too many others things had happened and have happened in the interval for me to even think about telling you."
Sunday seemed like a lifetime ago instead of only two days. As Sheldon disliked public speaking, she knew this would be difficult for him. "Do you want my help in preparing? We could practice when we get back to the motel room."
He shook his head. "Meemaw didn't want anyone to read the letter until it was opened at the funeral. I have no idea what it says. Mom won't even give it to me until right before the service begins."
"We could still practice."
"No, I'd rather just not think about it. When the time comes, I'll focus on the letter and read. I'll be fine. It's not as if it's a lecture or presentation."
"Well, if you need to look up at the audience, look for me. I'll be there cheering you on."
A small smile of relief broke over his features. "Thank you." The smile waned after a few minutes as he stared off, clearly in deep thought. "I miss my work and routine. I know it goes against social protocol, but I would give anything to be in my office back at Cal-Tech working at my white board right now."
Amy nudged him good-naturedly with her shoulder. "I know what you mean. It's seems like it's been a month since I sliced into a brain. I think I might be an addict experiencing withdrawals." The irony of that statement given her major field of study made them both chuckle.
After a quick supper and a quicker change of clothes for Amy and Sheldon, everyone piled into their separate cars and drove to the funeral home. On the ride over, Sheldon and Amy engaged in a light debate over whether Albert Einstein and Richard Feynman contributed more to the world of physics. But, as it was really a chicken versus the egg discussion, they were doing it more for fun than anything else. Her ringing phone brought an end to the conversation. Amy could tell from the ringtone who was calling. "It's just Penny," she said, deciding to let it go to voicemail because she was driving.
Something horrific seemed to occur to Sheldon.
"What?" Amy asked. "Is everything OK? She's probably just calling to check on us. She texted me yesterday, but I never got back to her."
He looked at her. "When you do speak to her, what are you going to tell her about us?"
This startled her. With everything that had happened, she hadn't even considered it. From the expression on Sheldon's face, she could tell the answer he wanted her to give and it wasn't what she wanted to do. After all, relating one's first coital experience with one's girlfriends was as much a rite of passage as the act of engaging in coitus itself. "Sheldon, Penny's my best friend. The best friend code states that I must share all major life changes with her. Otherwise, she'll feel betrayed and left out."
"I'm your boyfriend and …" He seemed embarrassed and barely breathed the next word, "lover. As such, your primary loyalty must be to me over your best friend. Besides, I don't think this best friend code you speak of actually exists. I've never heard of it."
"It was in a book series I used to read as a girl. I always told myself if I ever managed to snag a best friend, I would honor that code until the day I died. Besides, what does it matter if she finds out? I'll make her pinky swear not to tell anyone."
Sheldon scowled. "Surely you don't believe she'll be able to keep news like this quiet? Haven't we more than proven over the years what a gossipy bunch our friends are? Do I need to dig up the research paper we wrote after our meme theory experiment? You tell Penny and you may as well skywrite it over the west coast." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I also have no interest in hearing Howard's or Raj's asinine opinions on our intimate life."
This was certainly a conundrum. Penny or Sheldon? It was a choice Amy never thought to have to make, and she found herself honestly torn. Of course, she loved Sheldon. That was a given. But, to have someone as wonderful, beautiful, experienced and kind as Penny want to be in her life after experiencing the drought of human companionship that was her childhood, teens, and early twenties made her bestie all the more invaluable.
She opened her mouth to argue, but he stopped her.
"Amy, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all that we've done. If they know, it will only make that job harder. I can't handle their mocking on top of everything else."
Drat. He was right. It wasn't just her own feelings, experiences, and relationships that were at stake here. Sheldon's were, too. She had to respect his wishes. Sorry, Penny.
Sheldon had more than won the argument, but before she admitted that, Amy had another point to raise. "You do know that our friends will eventually find out, right? Our body language, non-verbal cues, and such will give us away sooner or later. Or, do you expect us to return home and never touch each other again?" she asked, worried he might actually be thinking that.
"No, of course not. We'll make a coital schedule amendment to the relationship agreement and conduct all intimate relations at your apartment only. Believe me, the walls in my apartment are almost paper-thin, and Leonard doesn't spend every night at Penny's. And, if we keep our physical touching to a minimum while in public, we'll be able to adequately buy ourselves some time. Penny, Leonard, and the others may find out ultimately. But, by that time, I'll have a better handle on this. We can formulate a way to deal with them then."
This presented another problem. "Sheldon, coitus is not something you can schedule. What if one of us simply isn't in the mood? Or, what if after a rousing documentary on the mating practices of locusts one night, we find ourselves overcome with pre-coital lust while alone at your apartment?"
"Amy, without routine, one has anarchy and chaos," he stated. "We will have routine."
She shook her head. "I will agree to a routine in every other aspect of our lives but this one. I'm sorry, but this is not an area you can schedule. I, for one, have spent the last two years wanting you from afar and have been forced to quell my every desire. I won't go back to that. If you would prefer me not to tell Penny about our liaisons, I'll concede your logic is sound and refrain from doing so. But, on the point of scheduling coitus, I will stand my ground."
The clenching of Sheldon's jaw told Amy she wasn't going to be the only one doing that tonight.