Unrequited Wrong

Chapter 25: Another Year

I moved back into London, though the muggle part, far removed from the Ministry, St. Mungo's and Diagon Alley. I didn't want to be part of the wizarding world anymore. I tried to visit my father, but it was really impossible, everything considered. Scrimgeour had so tightened his hold, that visiting anyone locked up became impossible and unless you wanted to fall suspect of Death Eater activity, you were much better off avoiding Azkaban and people believed who were seen as "suspects" of being followers of Voldemort.

Once more I really only dealt with muggles and started working in a club. Well really it was more like a bar with a stage where various muggle bands came to play. No one famous. It was really more like an underground scene and for the month of June, July and August, I didn't make friends with any of my co-workers or regulars.

I was working the bar and while I was nice for the customers (living off tips here) and tried to get along with my co-workers, I kept everyone at a distance. I never allowed the conversation to turn to me. After a time, they learned not to ask about me. I suppose my existence really seemed rather depressing, but I lived a nocturnal life that allowed me to remove myself from the world. Cerberus kept me warm enough during the days.

I wasn't depressed, so much as I was numb. I didn't feel anything anymore. I didn't feel pain, but I didn't feel joy either. Really, I went through life rather like I wasn't living it but just... like I was seeing it on a movie screen. I didn't really feel like a part of it. I suppose I was just disassociated. It was like, without Severus, this just really wasn't living.

I didn't know anything about his life these days. Until of course the news reached me that he was made Headmaster of Hogwarts and that two Death Eaters were appointed as Professors. The news would have made absolutely no sense, if Scrimgeour had not been murdered and the ministry had not fallen under Voldemorts control. But I didn't feel anything. I was relieved to know that he was alive. I wasn't angry to see that he was replacing the man that he had murdered. I just... there was nothing to feel, not even confusion.

After everything, I hadn't given much thought as to whether I believed in Severus or not. I think a greater part of me believed in him, despite all the evidence that pointed against him, but I was in denial about it. It was so much simpler to go on through life, thinking that everything we had was just an illusion. It was easier to tell myself that Severus had betrayed us, that he didn't care about me and that he was just pretending. Because thinking that perhaps he was who I knew he was, and knowing he was somewhere out there, living without me... that was just too painful to deal with.

Unfortunately though, no matter how hard you try, you can't escape your past. It was late in August when it happened. I was bar tending when she walked in through the door. Grimacing, I stared at Professor McGonagall, wondering what the hell she was doing here, which she looked very out of place at, even if she was wearing a muggle suit. "I thought I told you people to leave me the hell alone," I said as I grimaced and continued to clean the bar.

She looked around rather scandalized before turning to look at me. Really, McGonagall did not belong in a bar of drunk punks head-banging to whatever Sex-Pistol's-wanna-be on the stage. "Yes, well, we need you," she simply said. I stared at her incredulously.

"And you think that I am going to help?" I asked coldly as I stared at her. "How did you even find me?" I asked suddenly in confusion. I had left absolutely no trail for anyone to find me. The fact that she had was amazing to me.

"Do you really think that we ever lost track of you?" she asked as she turned around and looked at me. I narrowed my eyes at her. OH, so they were spying on me the whole time. Probably thought that Severus would turn up or that I was keeping contact with him. "I need you to impersonate a student this coming year. I want as much protection for my students as I can afford. I know that you are not part of the Order, but you are the only one that can impersonate a student."

"Isn't that what Tonks would be useful for?" I asked as I moved away from her and started to serve a couple that had walked up to the bar.

"Yes, however, seeing as she and Remus are having a child, I would rather not endanger her child's life," McGonagall replied through tight lips. I sucked on my teeth at this bit of information. So everyone else could have the life they fucking wanted but me eh? Tonks snogs my husband, and she gets to keep the bloody werewolf she always wanted. How fucking great!

"Well I'm very happy for them, but there is no way in hell I'm helping. I wouldn't be much help and don't you think Severus would recognize me?" I said as I turned away from her and filled a glass with ice and whisky and slid it down the bar at the person's outstretched hand as the horrid screech of the guitar blared through the speakers. This fucking band was terrible.

"I'm sure he will be the only one to recognize you, Delilah. And if he does, we know that he will not out you. If that ever was his intention, he would have already turned you into the service of he-who-must-not-be-named," McGonagall said, saying the last bit through clenched teeth. Every since Voldemort's name has been tabooed, it has been an annoyance to those of us who were used to calling him by name. I could tell that Professor McGonagall rather resented it. However, I didn't care about this, but was instead thinking about what she had just said and I knew it to be very true and wondered why I hadn't ever thought about it before. Why hadn't Severus turned me into Voldemorts service? "Traitor though he may be, some part of him must have cared enough for you to not want to entangle you with that depraved being."

"Be that as it may Professor, how do you plan on enrolling me into the school and what good would that do?" I asked as I turned away from her. However, I could feel a desire to at least be near Severus stirring inside me. It was a dangerous feeling that I would rather not deal with.

"We would change your name and place you in the seventh year class. As Deputy Headmistress it will not be too difficult and you would hardly be the first home-schooled student to join Hogwarts years after the fact, and it shall be increasingly simple as it is law that ALL children of magical lineage are now required to attend Hogwarts," Professor McGonagall replied as she stared at me. I pondered this and new it to be true.

"So then the story to be spun is that I am Emma Lovett and I am starting my seventh year at Hogwarts after being home-schooled for six years?" I asked as I stared at her. She merely nodded in response while I sighed. "And what House shall I be in?" I asked as I stared at her.

"Your own," she replied as she stared at me with a raised brow.

"Do you not think that people from my own house would recognize me?" I asked as I stared at her.

"Delilah, you never associated with anyone in your House except Miss Roberts, Merlin rest her. I doubt anyone else would recognize you, especially as your hair used to be completely lilac. I'm sure if you cut off the lilac remnants, no one would recognize you. Hair color makes a great difference," Professor McGonagall said smoothly as she looked at me.

I sighed as I stared at her. "Severus will know what you are doing."

"But by then it will be too late and he will not risk exposing you."

"Yet you are going to leave me to deal with him, is that it?" I asked as I stared at her. "I will not spy on him for you, he will suspect that I am there for far more than just the protection of your students, which I'm not sure how I will accomplish any such thing."

"I do not need you to spy on him, Delilah. As for protecting our students, I'm sure that you will know how to deal with it," she said as she started to smile at me. I think she was starting to realize that she already had me. I sighed as I ran my hand over my face.

"Fine, but if I am putting my life on the line I want two things in return," I said as I stared up at her. After a moment, she nodded in response. "First I want someone to take my dog in. Its not like I can take him to Hogwarts," I said as I stared at her seriously. She blinked for a moment and nodded. "Second... I want you to promise that you will help me get my father out of Azkaban, when the Dark Lord has fallen."

"You have faith that he will fall?" she asked grimly.

"It's always darkest before dawn," I replied with confidence. She smiled at me and nodded in response.

"All right," she said, handing me two slips of paper. I stared at it a moment and wondered what they were. Staring down at it, I realized that it was a Hogwarts Express ticket and a list of school supplies that I would need. Looking up, wondering if she knew that I was going to accept, I glared to see that she was already gone. Sighing, I groaned at the thought of returning to a Hogwarts run by Death Eaters. Hell, I didn't want to go to Hogwarts anymore when it was fucking run by Dumbledore.

The following couple days were of course spent getting all the crap that I would need for my second seventh year including new school robes. I was now going to be taking Transfiguration, Charms, Defense, and Muggle Studies. It had all been decided for me, though I did not know why. However, that didn't really matter as I packed away all my things and made my way to the Hogwarts Express, wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. Tonks had picked up Cerberus the day before and promised to take very good care of him, though I couldn't help glaring at her. I resented her, for everything she now had, I resented her for having a far easier obstacle.

No one seemed to recognize me, as I cut my hair so that it was shoulder length once more, though it was all my natural hair color as all the lilac had been cut off. Nor did anyone care that they didn't recognize me. Though I suppose that was understandable. Many people were a bit anxious about what awaited them at Hogwarts, aware that it wasn't the same place many of them already knew. However, I was trying not to think about that or about Severus. So instead, I focused on the tiniest bit or unimportance, like how it felt odd to be going to Hogwarts at nearly twenty years of age. Very soon, I would be turning twenty, and I was starting a school year with a bunch of seventeen-year-olds. Kids who were fifth years when I was in my seventh year. I suppose me looking much younger than I actually am really turned out to be useful.

Sitting in the compartment, I pulled my bag into my lap and pulled the notebooks that I had started to fill with information when I "lived" with Severus. I hadn't really flipped through them before. However, I wondered if there was anything useful there. Before long, I was heading towards Hogwarts, joined in the compartment by a few first-years. However, I kept to myself while they talked about what House they would be in. Most of them seemed to be leaning towards Slytherin, though I wondered if that was because it would give them some kind of protection.

Before I knew what was happening, I was mounting the carriage and making my way up to the castle. Looking up, I could see the castle looming ever closer and felt my heart clench at the familiar sight. It was so odd, but it felt like my fifth year all over again. Like when all the Dementors had been around, making the air cold and the sight of Hogwarts something rather somber instead of cheerful as it had been all previous years. The fact that it brought back so many memories of Monica, vivacious ones where she was so full of life it was like I could almost touch her, made it all that much harder. Not that it needed to be any harder. I mean I was finally going to see Severus for the first time in four months and it was not going to be the happy occasion I wished for. I didn't know what to expect.

Stepping down from the carriage, I approached the castle slowly and marched into the Great Hall. Immediately upon entering along with the large flow of students, my eyes were glued to the High Table. But he wasn't there. All the other teachers were there, silent and somber while staring straight forward. They were completely uneasy and as my eyes roved down the table, I could see the enormous reasons why. There was a pair of hideous fat-arses sitting on the right and left of the Headmaster's chair. One I supposed was female because I'd read of Alecto Carrow being the Muggle Studies teacher, though from this distance it was hard to tell which was which.

Joining the sea of Ravenclaws, I sat down halfway down the table as the rest of the students entered. There was a subdued murmur amongst the students as everyone took their seats and I noticed that it very much seemed to reflect the dynamic of the high table. It was odd, but it seemed like Hogwarts had died with Professor Dumbledore as well. Looking around, I paid no mind to as everyone at last settled down and awaited for the start of term.

When Severus finally entered the room, silence followed and my eyes were glued to his form. My hear thundered in my chest as I stared at him, a part of me happy that at least in appearance he was just as I remembered him. He stood straight and tall, holding his head high and ignoring the way vicious whispered seemed to follow him, ignoring as well the many dirty looks that he was receiving from many of the Professors. But he didn't betray a single sign that he noticed this as he took his seat at the high table.

Before long, McGonagall came striding through the door, leading very frightened first years. They were far more frightened than any class that had ever came before them, but that wasn't surprising. Hogwarts was no longer the friendly place that many had come to know and love before. I didn't pay enough attention to know where many people were housed, but it seemed that this year, Slytherin had a record number of students placed there, and Gryffindor had a record low of three. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw seemed to get as many was ever before.

Once everyone were seated, Severus stood and spoke in that low, velvety tone of his that carried throughout the Great Hall. Every syllable penetrated each and every students conscious, and he had complete command of all of us. His speech wasn't very different from any that Professor Dumbledore would have given, though at the end the warning against breaking school rules and the harsh punishments in-store for rule-breakers seemed to sink deep into everyone's head as everyone's eyes went to the "Professors" sitting on each side of Severus.

After his short speech, Severus clapped his hands and the feast appeared before our eyes, however, almost everyone ate it in silence. It was worse than a prison in here, the only sounds a few whispers and the constant clatter of eating utensils. No one really had an appetite, however, we ate because we had to. It was like we could all feel how much we were going to need our strengths, like we were all aware of what awaited us the following morning after we received our schedules. We were just trying to weather the storm.

When the feast was over, Severus once more stood up and told us all it was time for bed. Immediately everyone stood up, while his eyes roved the hall. As I stood up, his eyes roamed across the sea of students, across the universe and clashed with mine. For that moment, that instance, the whole world stood still. There was no air in the room to breathe and all the oxygen escaped from my lungs as a gasp passed my lips. I had not expected him to recognize me so immediately. The look on his face, in his eyes, stunned me.

A tortured and burning expression lit his eyes as his face became morose as he looked at me. He seemed shocked, saddened and at the same time happy. However, it was very brief. The noise penetrated the haze and I blinked as I stared at him, not knowing whether I should smile or glare. Instead, I turned away and followed the long stream of students that were existing the Great Hall. It was going to be an other long year.

Severus

To Severus, the lack of lilac hair was not a hindrance in recognizing Delilah. Her face was now so familiar to him, burned into every memory and reviewed in every waking moment, that he knew it was her the millisecond her eyes looked into his. Then, all was still in the world as he wondered at her apparition. It seemed impossible that she was there yet he was sure he had not lost his mind, and it saddened him that she was trapped in this hell, but it was a joy to see at least one friendly face.

However, reality set in once more and she turned away from him. To him, it was a sign that she had come into her own. It stung, to know that her strength had superseded feelings of love that she had for him, but he felt proud of her. Though her feelings for him may have changed, perhaps he had caused her too much harm to change that, he was glad that she had found strength in herself. While she had always been independent, there was a more wholeness to it now.

Severus snapped out of his thoughts as Minerva passed before him with the teeniest of smiles on her face. Grabbing gently onto her arm to halt her progress, he leaned closely to her. "Whatever you as doing, it isn't going to work," he hissed at her knowing that it was Minerva's fault that Delilah was here. However, Minerva merely gave him an innocent look that she was not aware of what he was talking about.

Releasing her, Severus immediately retreated to his office. Really he resented calling it his office. For as long as he had lived if had always been Dumbledore's office and it would always be. Remaining in a room where Dumbledore's memory, not to mention his portrait, would forever remind him of his "great betrayal". Though he didn't care what the world thought. All he cared for was what Delilah thought and at this point, it seemed clear that she didn't have anymore faith him as anyone else.

Ignoring the portrait that hung overhead, he picked up the scroll of parchment were every student currently at Hogwarts was listed. His eyes soon feel on the name Lovett, Emma and he wondered how he had not seen it before. There she was, as clear as she had stood when in the Great Hall. Running his hands over his face as he dropped the long scroll on his desk, he heaved a heavy sigh. He didn't care as the scroll rolled off one side of the table and fell to the floor. He was too preoccupied to care about anything. Delilah, no matter how many times he endeavored to remove her fro m his life kept appearing in it.

However, it was evident what he could and could not do. He could not send her away, nor expose her for what she was. However, he did not need to ever be around her. As Headmaster, it would only be too easy to not have to deal with her just as there was no need to deal with any other students. Besides, like it or not, he had a school to run and would for the most part be busy. He supposed that at least now he had the comfort of knowing where she was and how she was doing. Undoubtedly though, she would be getting into a lot of trouble, and he wasn't sure how to safeguard her from the Carrows.

TBC...

A/n: Sorry for the long wait and for any mistakes that escaped me. Honestly I just wanted to post this and didn't go over it thoroughly. Anyway, please review.