Rey

In the morning, a beep of the automated reminder panel signaled the start of the day's schedule. Rey was already half-awake by then, trying to guess what time it was, trying to decide if Ben had woken yet or not. His breathing was different now, and his heart thrummed a little faster against her back, but he hadn't moved so she couldn't be sure. His arms still held her, wrapped from behind in a way that was half hug, half cradle. To be honest, she wasn't ready to move yet either. It had been a long time since she'd felt so comfortable.

But that beep gave them no choice. She shifted, extracting herself from him. He didn't resist. When she glanced back, she saw that his eyes were open and soft, following her departure. At some point in the night, or maybe this morning, he'd become fully aware of what had happened, but his feelings about it were hidden behind an opaque mental curtain which she could not penetrate.

"Thank you," she murmured. "You probably didn't sleep well with an intruder in your space."

His mouth twisted in amusement. "I've lost feeling in my arm."

"Sorry." She blushed.

After another a pause, he asked quietly, "You were able to rest?"

"Yeah."

He nodded, satisfied. "Then my arm was a martyr for a good cause."

"I don't know why I came here," she admitted. "I couldn't sleep. I was going to go outside, but…"

To this he said nothing, dark eyes scanning her face, mind scanning her feelings. His silence put her at a disadvantage, as it so often did.

She stood and moved towards the door, suddenly embarrassed by her boldness in the light of day. "Um, anyway…I'm going to go get dressed. I'll be back to get you for breakfast."

"Rey," he said quietly as she moved towards the door. "What you're afraid of — it isn't true."

She paused, gaze falling to the ground. A slow inhale steeled her against the turbulent emotions rising again to the surface and she lifted her head, opening the door to escape.

Fortunately no guard had arrived just yet, though Rey thought that if they were really worried about Ben's duplicity they ought to have one posted there all the time. Still, at the moment she was grateful. The gossip that would have sprouted from seeing her leaving his room at an obscene hour of the morning would have been unbearable. And untrue. All she wanted from Ben was his comfort and the sense of calm she always felt when she was with him.

...Right?

Getting ready for the day caused her thoughts to turn from Ben to Poe, and the concerns that plagued her resumed. By the time she'd retrieved Ben and sat down to eat, her mood had shadowed again. Maybe if she could have suspended the drowsy morning serenity for the rest of the day, she could forget this cloud hanging over her head, and find the good-natured optimism she usually employed. Before. When she was playing the role she thought she should.

Ben watched her, moored somewhere deep within his own mind, revealing nothing of his thoughts to her. She felt rather shy towards him now, irrational though it was. Though thinking about Poe and her actions towards him hurt terribly, it was somehow easier to dwell on than the memory of how well she'd slept, of how nice it was to be that close to Ben.

They'd barely begun to eat when Finn and Rose appeared beside them, eyes wide.

"What are you doing?" Rose asked in disbelief.

Rey glanced around in confusion. "Eating? What are you doing?"

"We're supposed to be in the hangar by now," Finn urged, acting as if nothing amiss had happened between them at all.

"What?"

Rose shook her head. "Didn't you get the memo? Leia sent it early this morning — a change to your schedule. You should have gotten the alert."

Rey glanced at Ben, who met her look with a wicked gleam of mischief flashing through his eye. She blushed. "I wasn't in my room this morning. I couldn't sleep so I…took a walk. Just got back a few minutes ago."

"Come on," Finn said quickly, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet.

She yanked out of his grasp with a flare of that familiar irritation. "What's going on? Where are we going?"

"The Colonies! To Phu! We'll explain on the way," said Finn, motioning for Ben to follow.

The four of them hurried down the corridor towards the hangar. Rose quickly related the events leading to this sudden escapade. "I couldn't sleep either, so I spent all night trying to work out the kinks in the comms slicing. I had a huge breakthrough and reported to Leia early, early this morning. I'm surprised I didn't see you on your walk. We had to have been up at the same time. Anyway, Leia has sent Poe to lead a critical recon mission, so she wants us to get started right away in case he comes back with the information she's waiting for. She authorized an immediate departure time. Chewie's already prepping the Falcon."

"We're doing this now?" Rey glanced at Ben, suddenly worried. They had only put their new skill to use once, and because it had backfired so badly she'd been reluctant to try again. Suddenly she regretted all the missed practice time.

Striding through the hangar towards the powered-up and waiting Falcon, the group drew stares from several curious pilots and mechanics. Still, no one stopped to question them. By now, the faces of Rey, Finn, and Rose were well-known as major players in the rebellion, if not leaders. And Kylo Ren's infamy followed him like a shroud, so there was no mistaking him either. If all four were on a mission, there had to be a great purpose behind it.

Rey closed the loading ramp behind them after everyone had ascended. She felt Ben's reluctance to be aboard once again, but his step never faltered. He took a seat in the main compartment while Rey headed to the cockpit.

Chewie expressed his friendly greeting in that familiar Wookiee roar, coaxing a smile from Rey.

"Glad to see you too," she said.

At least Finn and Poe didn't seem to have spread the news of her attack very far. Or if Chewie had heard, he didn't care. A distinct possibility for the smuggler.

Together she and her favorite co-pilot took the Falcon to the skies. It wasn't as nimble and light as an X-Wing, but Rey still felt the thrill of a worthy, responsive vessel in her hands. It was easier to forget some of her cares while plunging into the star-studded expanse of space.

As soon as the ship shuddered into lightspeed, she let Chewie take over while she headed back to check on the others.

Finn was staring at the Dejarik table and its holographic figures. Ben sat across from him, quietly explaining each of the pieces and their meanings. Their dynamic was so benign, so utterly ordinary, that it stopped her in her tracks for half a beat. Rose, who had been studying the ship's main computer, strolled over to her and grinned.

"Finn asked if Kylo knew how to play, and then this started. Crazy, huh?"

Crazy felt like an understatement, but Rey chose not to ruin the moment with overreaction. Finn's apparent nonchalance with Ben hinted to her that perhaps Rose had been right, and her mistake in the training room hadn't destroyed his opinion of her. At least it meant he didn't agree with Poe on everything.

"This ship is in worse shape on the inside than the outside," Rose said, laughing. "Let me know the next time you're fixing her up. Looks like we could be working on this thing for the rest of our lives and still leave repairs for the next generation."

Rey smiled a little at that. "Han and Chewie made a number of customizations themselves, and then Ducain on down to Plutt all made their own adjustments as well. But perhaps we can improve on all that customizing. Fix what they ruined, as it were."

Rose grinned. "I like the sound of that."

Finn looked up from his study of the characters and caught Rey's eye. His smile fell, replaced with a troubled look. This change twisted Rey's gut into a guilt-ridden knot all over again. They both knew they should talk about it, but she hadn't found enough answers to all the questions about herself this incidence had dredged up, and without them she wasn't sure what to say.

"Do you know how to play this?" Finn asked, motioning to the board.

She shook her head.

"Come here. Kylo's explaining it," he said, scooting over on the bench to make room for her.

She recognized the peace gesture, and obliged. Now she sat directly across from Ben, with Finn between them. Her gaze briefly traveled over both men before falling to the board and the monsters thrashing each other on it. Rose grinned and returned to investigating the ship.

Rey tried to use this time to make herself forget about Poe and her burst of anger. She tried to focus on Ben and Finn, and the strangely peaceable dynamic that existed between them. But somehow, that only made her think of Poe more. Finn was so adaptable and easygoing. As new to this life as she was, it seemed he was more willing to accept changes to his expectations. Yet he ought to have more reason than anyone to hate Ben, having served with him in the First Order and been witness to the atrocities committed. Poe, on the other hand, had personal trauma that Finn did not. Perhaps that's why it was harder for him. But why did Ben seem to harbor a special disgust for Poe he did not show towards the actual traitor seated beside him?

And what did it mean that she'd directed her anger at Poe and not Ben, who had clear murderous intent boiling around inside him? Why did their incompatibility drive her to such uncontrolled frustration?

No. No. Stop that. Fretful rumination on these same old problems would not yield any answers or solutions right now, and would only distract her from the task at hand.

Once the game had been explained, Ben silently supervised while Rey and Finn battled one another with their respective teams of creatures. It was a good diversion. At one point, Chewie came back and watched with great interest, trying to goad someone into betting on a winner. Nobody took the bait.

By the time the proximity alert told them it they were arriving, Rey was in slightly better spirits. She and Chewie returned to the cockpit for the re-entry into sublight space.

Phu was a tiny world on the fringes of the Colonies, orbiting an old gas giant within a whirling dance of closely clustered asteroids. It made approaching the barren, canyon-riddled planet difficult from any angle except the First Order-controlled shipping lane. Fortunately their plan did not require landing, so they turned the perilous asteroid field to their advantage. Chewie and Rey navigated carefully until they found an asteroid large enough to conceal them. Tethering to it, they powered down to avoid sensor detection.

Using the ship's computer, Rose began her elaborate slicer routine. Rey and Ben settled on the floor of the main compartment, facing one another, ready to go as soon as Rose gave the word. Finn watched them with mingled fascination and trepidation. He stood near the corridor that led to the gunner position, ready if Chewie gave the word that they'd been spotted.

Rey searched Ben's face, finding it solemn, but not tense. He offered his hands. She glanced at them, trying to absorb some of his emotional stability to strengthen her own fragile state. When her hands met his, he transferred her the calming memory of a few hours ago, waking in comfort after a night of deep rest. Together.

She responded with a faint smile.

"Okay," Rose said after a moment. "Ready to transmit on your signal."

Through the ship's comm link came static, fuzzy communication from the surface below. Mostly commands and verifications. This was not a chatty group.

Ben shifted, closing his eyes to sink into meditation. Rey watched him go, then somewhat reluctantly followed suit. The pain and uncertainty of the last few days made her nervous to greet the Force again, to allow it to flow through her when she felt so unstable.

Even as the great web of energy spanning across all the galaxy began to take shape in her perception, she felt the icy cold brush of dark influence surrounding her and flinched away from it. But it surrounded her, wrapping her up in chilly despair. Gasping, she jerked her hands out of Ben's and scrambled to her feet.

His eyes snapped open and he watched her rise, his own body unfolding to follow her up. She retreated a few steps.

"I can't do it," she confessed.

Ben didn't ask why. He knew.

Finn and Rose glanced at one another, but were wise enough to keep silent.

Rey pressed her fists into her eyes, shuddering. She was too unbalanced. Too unsure of herself. Violent energy seeded by the doubts festering her heart made her feel like she might explode. An image of Kylo Ren's lightsaber flashed through her mind, inches from her face in the forest of Takodana. It hissed in raw, chaotic energy venting through a cracked crystal. Understanding splintered through her as she realized she felt like that lightsaber in her core. Inadvertently attacking Poe in her anger had cracked her faith in herself and left her as ragged as that weapon.

"Say what you're afraid of," Ben said suddenly, his voice edged with a familiar insistence.

She cast him a glare, recognizing this tactic.

"Keeping it buried won't make it untrue, and wont make it go away," he pressed coolly. "Say it."

He had forced her to confront many hard truths about herself, but today, she wasn't sure this was a fight she had the strength to face. Still, swallowing and pushing through her natural resistance, she choked on the confession. "I'm afraid I'm a fraud."

Ben nodded.

She pressed on, a great weight in her chest lifting just a little to hear the words out there in the world. "I'm afraid I've been lying to myself, to Luke, to everyone. What I did to Poe — what if it means I'm actually meant for the darkness, and not the light?"

"You're not," said Ben. It wasn't a reassurance, it was stated as indifferently as a fact.

"How do you know?"

"I know."

"Isn't this what you wanted, anyway?" She stalked a few steps towards him, angry in her confusion. "For me to embrace the dark?"

He met her in stride, not the least bit intimidated. "I did. As soon as I felt the Force in you, I wanted that. I sensed your potential and believed I could teach you. Snoke could teach you. In the dark we could become allies. I sensed your darkness when you used your rage to strike me down. But once I learned the truth of you, I knew I'd been wrong."

"The truth of me," she scoffed. "That I'm a nobody with no business using the Force?"

"No." Here his voice grew infinitely more gentle. As if they were alone. "You have both inside you in equal measure, but your nature inclines to the light. You are strong. You can't be broken. Snoke saw that too. That fiery spit of hope - the soul of a true Jedi, remember? That's why he wanted me to kill you. He initially wanted you as an apprentice, but when he saw that you couldn't be turned you became useless to him. An obstacle, not an asset. The child of light will not serve the dark, no matter how much of it she has lurking inside her."

"But…" confusion crinkled her brow. "You asked me to join you…?"

"To join me. Not the dark side. To be my ally in all your imperfect light. To accept me in all my imperfect darkness. Just like you, I am forever torn in half. Both sides are in me, rending my soul. It doesn't have to rend yours. Don't let it."

"How can it not?" Tears pricked at her eyes now. She glanced at Finn and Rose, watching their exchange in respectful silence. "I'm afraid I'll hurt the people I love because I can't get rid of the dark."

"Rey," Finn ventured, feeling invited to chime in now that she had acknowledged him. "It's always been there, for as long as I've known you. This isn't a new thing. You really went after me when BB-8 accused me of being a thief. Like a crazy sand devil. When you get angry, you're quick to attack. And it's okay. It doesn't change who you are — it's who you've always been."

Ben nodded. "In my observation, you mostly use your bits of darkness to guard what you have taken under your protection. BB-8, Finn, the Resistance."

"And him," added Finn, pointing to Ben. "Poe was out of line, saying all that stuff. You took him down with the Force just like you took me down with your staff. There was no difference really. Well — there was. The difference was that Poe deserved it, and I didn't."

His grin and apparent alliance with Ben finally began to dissolve the conflict within her. She felt herself surrendering to their arguments. Deep inside, she knew they were right. She'd always felt the tug of something else, whispering to her in a voice that did not belong to the greater light burning within her. It protected her, strengthened her, aided her. It had always been there, and it hadn't made anything she'd done so far invalid because of its existence.

Ben's deep voice vibrated through these thoughts. "On this very ship you once told me that we must learn to live with our pain rather than erase it. Remember? Now I'm telling you that perhaps we must learn to live with the conflict rather than try to fight it. You and I. Maybe we need to embrace the duality instead of trying to smother it."

Her eyes widened, realizing he was as much admonishing her as revealing the shift within himself. He was forsaking his dedication to the dark. He was stepping into middle ground. And he was asking her to do the same.

Searching his feelings, she felt peace. The perpetual tempest she'd always detected inside him had calmed at last. Warm seas mixed with cold, and she saw his soul as the shade-and-sun-dappled forest floor of the Kee-git village.

He extended a hand to her. "Shall we try again?"

She looked at that hand, and then at the face it belonged to. He didn't have the same vulnerable, pleading look he wore the last time he'd offered his hand to her. Instead, he looked calm and certain and strong.

And this time, she took it without further hesitation.

Back on the floor, submerging herself in the flow of the Force once again, she didn't shy away from the cold currents which brushed past her. She sifted through them until she found the warm light and followed it. Ben's presence accompanied her, mingled with her, fused into her in the same breathless way it had in the training room.

Phu and all its inhabitants opened before them. They sorted through the many millions of minds to isolate the commanders, and in one unified motion filled their senses with the terrifying phenomenon of a phantom Death Star appearing in the sky, enormous barrel glowing with imminent light. The chaos and terrifying fear that resulted from this image thoroughly eliminated any possibility that the panicked commanders would pay attention to reports of seditious messages being piped into comms links.

Rose broadcast Finn's propaganda. Both Rey and Ben strained with the immense effort it took to sustain the hijacking of so many minds across the surface of an entire world. Beads of perspiration sprouted along their brows. The Force surged around them, shoving loose objects across the floor in a wide diameter, with them at the epicenter. Their combined power held captive the unwilling minds of their victims until, at last, the transmission ended and they could let go.

Surfacing from the Force, they snapped back into themselves with all the violence of strained kinetic energy, gasping and bracing themselves against one another lest they fall over.

"Do you think it worked?" Finn asked anxiously, helping Rey to her feet.

"I'm certain," said Ben.

"They were terrified they were about to be blown up," agreed Rey, managing an exhausted laugh. "They might all defect just for that alone. They definitely weren't listening to any transmission, and they'll be too scared to listen to anyone who tries to tell them about one."

Rose's face broke into a huge grin. "I guess we'll see what happens, but so far I think this was a success!"

The joy of this success, the lingering synergy with Ben, and the reassurance that she was on the right path washed through Rey like a cleansing balm, purging all of her doubts and insecurities. She hugged Finn, hugged Rose, hugged Ben. The last one reminded her of the way his arms had felt keeping her together all night. She blushed and quickly retreated to the cockpit to hug Chewie before settling down to take them back to the base.

When the time was right, she'd talk to Poe and make things better with him too. For now, though, everything had shifted under her feet again. This time, for the better.

A/N: Big stuff coming up very, very soon :D Stay tuned!