Tsun saved his work, breathed a sigh, and logged out of the accounting software. A few quick clicks of the mouse and his computer system was put into standby mode. Although it was a waste of electricity, his firm didn't believe in hard shutdowns without administrative or IT approval. Something about the backup cycle getting completed. Stuff Master didn't need to worry about.
After all, he already had his hands full with his own job. He didn't need to take on other peoples' jobs too.
Rising quickly, rubbing at a crick in the back of his neck, the human strode to the door, opened it, and closed it behind him. It was nice that the non-temp accountants got their own mini offices; it made focusing a lot easier. Especially with all the gossip girls clustering around the water coolers like they did in a daily manner that seemed almost religious in nature.
Those women always stared at him when he walked by; made him uncomfortable. Some sixth sense always made him a little paranoid that they were talking about him, even though he knew he shouldn't let such thoughts trouble his day. Today, too, was no different. Well, except for the fact that Tsun was keenly aware his hair rather badly still needed to be washed..
Despite his anxiety to report his success in unravelling the time-critical issue with the client account that his coworkers apparently couldn't take care of, and leave the office- and despite the satisfying speed that that task had indeed been flawlessly accomplished in, it seemed that the water cooler women had devilish timing.
Tsun stopped, hid without realizing he had done so until it was too late, and peeked out from around a tall, fake plant near the edge of the hallway. How could he get past without interacting? But then the words drifting on the dull office air reached his ears, and he blinked, then listened, suddenly interested in the normally annoying conversation.
"-that at her age, she shouldn't be wearing diapers anymore, but when I try to introduce her to big girl underwear, you'd think the world was ending by the way she tantrums. Is it my parenting? Ahh, I wish I had a daughter like yours, Lyssa. Your girl is so good with that!" one of the women, an auburn-haired girl that Tsun remembered meeting at the last company get-together with an uncomfortable vibe, said to another, older woman.
"At least your little girl isn't so picky about food, though," another woman rejoined, smiling wryly, as if sharing an inside joke. "To be honest, I wouldn't mind at all if my little one stayed in diapers a little longer! When she has an accident... hoo boy..."
Trailing off with an exaggerated hand movement that was clearly meant to garner horrified laughs, the woman shrugged and patted the auburn-haired girl on the shoulder in feminine solidarity. The auburn haired woman shook her head as if she still wasn't convinced. Tsun tried desperately to remember her name, but couldn't.
"I remember when my son was that age. It was either, 'I want to grow up faster' or 'I'm just a kid though!'," a previously quiet woman with almost, starting-to-grey-hair, interjected, smiling in fond remembrance. "I just wanted to let him be a child, but kids want what they want, and there's no telling them otherwise."
"I don't know about that," the woman with the daughter who was apparently potty-trained replied, sounding a little 'holier-than-thou' to Tsun's fascinated ears. "I mean, my daughter knows what she likes, but, sometimes I catch her doing things that I know she doesn't really like, just to try to please. It's not really a bad habit, but, sometimes I worry that it'll grow into it... grow into her becoming one of those shrinking, submissive girls who just allows everyone to trample over her, simply because she thinks more people will like her if she does. It's hard in this day and age for girls to just be girls, you know? Not that it was so easy when I was growing up, but..."
"Oho, well, I wouldn't know about that. My little girl? She may be only two but she is a hellion on wheels! When she wants to be, anyways. I pity the man that stands in her way when she grows up and gets married! Assuming I can ever get her out of those darned Pampers! A bride still in nappies might be a deal breaker. Every time, every time I try to potty train with her, she just sits there and cries and refuses to go to the toilet. And her father is absolutely no help. I swear, that man doesn't have a child-rearing gene in his entire body. Everything is always just sports, sports, sports. Maybe if the toilet was shaped like a basketball hoop he'd put in more effort!" The first woman said in what Tsun wondered was fond exasperation. It seemed tinged with some real resentment, though, which made him a little nervous, as if he were vicariously somehow to blame.
'Maybe I shouldn't be eavesdropping like this. If she's this annoyed at her own husband, who knows what I'm in for if I get caught being nosy. I barely even know those girls, after all. Just because we work in the same firm doesn't mean we're friends. But...' Tsun battled with himself, his better judgement, and the urge to get back to Kaito. He'd decided to move along when-
"Hahaha, well, when my little girl decided she was ready, she was READY, and she knew it," the woman that had been identified as 'Lyssa" laughed. "She just started taking her nappy right off in the middle of the night and that was it! We'd wake up to a naked-butt little girl standing over us on the bed with her hands on her hips. I swear, it was like seeing my mother reincarnated but as a toddler. That's when we had to get serious about the potty training."
At that, all the women laughed, and Tsun abandoned any attempt to leave. That was almost exactly like what had happened with Kaito! Maybe the women would have even more explanations if he stuck around. Give him some more insight about how to take care of his Vocaloid baby best.
He leaned forwards more, completely fascinated, and not even being careful anymore of the fact that he was now blatantly visible as 'hiding' behind a fake potted plant. Anyone walking by would probably have given him the snake eye, thinking he was spying for other reasons. But here- this could be a clue as to Kaito's behavior! Tsun had to know. But the laughter then turned to softer, shared whispers and close grins, and he just couldn't hear, despite leaning even closer yet, making for a pathetically comical sight.
"Maybe I could just ask them," the eavesdropping human muttered to himself softly, feeling anxious and torn. "But wouldn't that be really weird? I don't even really know them and... it's clearly a conversation not for outsiders. Maybe if I can just get a little closer. Or- ah! get a drink of water? Perfect. It's office water, after all, right? But they might stop talking if I get close. Maybe if I..."
Clinging to the fake leaves and staring at the ground with unfocused eyes, mumbling, brain working, Tsun noticed suddenly that the whispering and giggling had stopped. Had they disbanded before he found out more? Tsun blinked, refocused his eyes, and looked up, prepared to be disappointed by an empty landscape.
Six unfriendly pairs of staring, mascara-heavy, female eyes looked silently back at him from around the water cooler. Tsun swallowed dry.
"Uh," Letting go of the fake plant guiltily, and trying to gauge just how creepy his behavior probably looked to the women there, Tsun fought the urge to just quietly tiptoe away as he tried to figure out what to do with his hands.
"Mr. Shion, what are you doing there? Have you finished up the Burgess's report corrections already?" One of the other girls- oh- a temporary helper in his own department- asked Tsun. He sweatdropped, tried to make his brain come up with a smooth escape, but he had nothing. Choosing instead to reply, no matter how awkward, Tsun tried to smile. It came out weird.
"Uh, yea.. yes. It's finished. I was just going to report in, before I left. Since today is... still a vacation day for me? Ah," Tsun studied the edge of a picture frame on the nearest wall as if it suddenly held all the answers to getting him out of this terribly uncomfortably situation in such a way that he didn't get made the next topic of conversation. Glancing back at the women still staring in an unfriendly manner, Tsun suddenly sighed. There wasn't a way of salvaging this. It didn't matter what he said next; he was doomed anyways.
"To be honest, I'm sorry. I was eavesdropping on you ladies," Raking his unwashed hair self-consciously with his hand, Tsun unhappily fessed up to the group of ladies. He might as well ask, though there probably wouldn't be an answer. But it's not like it could get worse than it already was. He already looked like a creeper, no doubt. "I heard you talking about diapers and your children and... I thought maybe I'd get some insight if I listened in."
Varying frowns of confusion met him as reply. The auburn-haired woman slowly cocked her head at him and was the first to respond to the apology.
"Insight about what?" The frown wasn't as hostile as it had been, and Tsun let his hands relax a little as he nodded to express he was acknowledging her. But his face flushed and he mumbled his reply too quietly, so she had to ask him to repeat it. The flush on Tsun's face turned to a red hot glow as he replied again, more loudly this time.
"M-my baby has... um, with diapers- I don't think he... likes them either... and... I was wondering what... I mean, I just... not that... uh," Tsun couldn't finish his words. This was a bad idea. He stared at the floor and tried to wish himself away. Back in time a few minutes. Before he'd been caught spying. Why had he thought that asking about this would be a good idea? It wasn't. It was a stupid idea, and he should have known it.
"Your baby?" Lyssa asked dumbly. "You have a... baby, Mr. Shion?"
"Yes- I... I only got to bring him home a little while ago," Tsun responded, and immediately regretted it. These women probably wouldn't like hearing that. And they didn't know that his baby was a full-grown Vocaloid. He should have kept his mouth shut. If anyone knew his secrets, his likes, that he loved baby things and cute things... that he'd been waiting for his baby to come home for this long- he'd probably be made into a real outcast.
Normal grown men didn't want to have a cute, sweet, perfect little baby to pamper and take care of and love- regardless of that baby being adult-sized. They wanted to watch baseball. Sports. Drink beer at bars and go to strip clubs and watch action movies with lots of explosions.
'Not that I'd turn down a good action movie with explosions, but that's not the point,' Tsun thought darkly with guilt. 'But the fact that I'm not normal about the rest of those things is more than enough to make people think I'm a freak or a pervert. I could lose my job over teddy bears or kids' movies.'
But three of the women were exchanging astonished, flabbergasted, secretive looks with each other. The one with auburn hair made a soft sound, like a 'huh!' sound, and put one of her hands on her hips; her head was cocked as if something suddenly had been answered that Tsun didn't even know the question to. He wondered if he could just turn and leave now, and refuse to talk anymore for the rest of the week. Maybe the gossip that was sure to come would die by then.
"So THAT'S why," the unexpected words came out of the blue. "Marsha saw you buying some baby stuff a couple weeks ago at the store. We didn't know you had a kid!"
One of the women flushed darkly, then tried to laugh it off. "Y-yeah, well... you never said anything about having a baby, before. I thought maybe that stuff was for you!" More awkward laughter. "Why didn't you tell us?"
Tsun stared back grimly. The laughter died a little. It was hard to have a sense of humor when you knew you were right on the edge of sitting on razor wire. After all, that stuff wasn't technically for him anymore, but his baby was an adult, too. It was hard not to take that sort of joke personally under those circumstances.
"Um, but, that's wonderful! S-so... that must be a big change for you. No wonder you were listening in. If there's anything we can help you with, you don't hesitate to ask, Mr. Shion!" The auburn-haired woman smiled, and it was a more friendly, if still a little bit awkward of a smile.
"Really?" Tsun heard his voice ask, sounding dumb from surprise. He shook his head. Then shook it again, as if to shake free the cobwebs there. That was a surprise indeed. "Ah- if, if you're sure? I, honestly, that would be really helpful. Thank you."
'Forget that anxiety stuff. As long as they don't find out about me, I might still be able to figure out what Kaito needs most. Even if the worst happens, I can always get another job, after all... probably. It might be tough but... but... even if this does go south, as long as Kaito is with me... yes. My baby is what's important. These girls can help me figure my Kaito out. That's what's important right now. Everyone else can come second. My baby comes first.' Suddenly figuring this out, Tsun felt a rush of hopeful encouragement in his stomach. Locking eyes with the auburn-haired girl again, Tsun smiled before continuing speaking.
"Well, ah... I've been trying to figure out what he likes and doesn't like, and what he needs and wants. So that... so that he can feel as comfortable as he can, and know he's loved with everything I have and... ah... well, he's at... he's old enough, he doesn't really need to be wearing them, but... not just with the diapers maybe but, he's so cute wearing them... I feel like, I just want to surround him with lots of soft, warm, nice things, and let him know it's okay to just be himself and... but, the other night, when I... he took it off halfway through the night, too. In the morning I noticed it was gone, and I thought maybe he doesn't like them. I didn't want to push it, since he's a little... well, he's old for them I guess but... t-that's not why I'm concerned. I just... and I think it might be the same with the baby bottle I gave him, too," Tsun sighed heavily, and held his arm with one hand.
Despite the okay to ask, it still wasnt easy to frame the question, and he kept having to catch himself so he didn't give too much away. But Lyssa was nodding, and the stares had changed to slightly hidden smiles behind hands with manicured, pretty nails.
"I see... Mr. Shion? You're a little different than I thought," the auburn-haired woman responded before anyone else could add to the conversation. Tsun looked over sharply with surprise. "Most men I know wouldn't care about that stuff. It's all jock stuff and sports. It's refreshing to hear a guy who wants to know about diapers, haha! You must love your son very much. Is he very cute? How old is he? What's his name?"
Tsun tensed fractionally at the age question, but the other two he could answer very easily, and he found himself blushing happily despite his best efforts not to as he did. There was no question about it.
"His name's Kaito. And he's definitely the cutest child I have ever seen. Absolutely perfectly.. m-my... b-aby," Tsun couldn't help himself and he hid his flushing face in his hands from happiness. It was the first time he could tell anyone this stuff. He almost didn't care anymore if he DID get fired. Being able to brag about his sweet blue-haired angel... it was more than enough. It was more than he thought was ever possible. To talk like this about his perfect, sweet child? And then go home to Kaito? To hold him and protect him?
Suddenly, Tsun felt the urge to leave grow a hundredfold. That's right. Kaito was waiting for him. It felt wrong to be lingering at work when he knew his baby was alone at home.
"Kaito?" One of the other girls frowned at that as if trying to figure out a thought that was troubling her. "That's kind of a... generic name, isn't it? It's pretty common."
Tsun's smile froze on his face. His eyes jerkily moved over to the girl who had spoken's face. He didn't blink, but her pupils suddenly grew big and she took half a step back at his unwavering gaze.
"Are you saying that my baby's name is generic? Are you calling my Kaito generic?" The words weren't intentional. Tsun didn't have a chance to stop them before they came out, or change the flat, quietly enraged tone the words were asked in. Tsun stared, unblinking, unmoving, and realized a little too late that he felt very angry.
"N-no, I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, Mr. Shion," the girl squeaked out, realizing what she'd said was offensive. "I-it's a good name. Is it a family name?"
'I'm going to remember your face,' Tsun found himself thinking coldly in silent anger. But he didn't speak out loud, and the silence grew more alarming. It was the older woman with the hair that was just barely starting to grey that salvaged the tense situation.
"Your son might be a little like my son was," the woman said quietly, but smiled encouragingly, her warmth melting some of the ice in the room. "When he wanted something a certain way, even if he didn't say it out loud, he usually found other ways to show me.
"Sometimes it's best to let them grow up at their own pace. If your baby just came back to you now, I can understand you wanting to give all of your attention and care and love to him. But there are lots of ways to care for a child, and part of that always includes letting them grow up, little by little. Letting them develop the way they want to, naturally, rather than smothering them with your own wishes. If he's old enough to speak, you might have a discussion with him, and let him know that both ways are okay. Diapers or no diapers. Let him know his input, his opinion, is important to you, and that will help him even more, to know he really is loved.
"It's more important for a child to know they're loved, than to feel they have to do everything perfectly, to someone else's satisfaction, after all. In the end, our children grow up, and it's up to us to make sure they become healthy adults with healthy morals, strong bodies, and good, balanced minds. Am I right?" The woman smiled again. "That's what a good parent strikes towards."
Tsun's tension slowly left his body as he listened, and by the time the woman finished speaking, his angry eyes were no longer on the offensive girl at all. He found himself mulling the older woman's words over, and couldn't find any fault in her wisdom. Indeed, this might be just what he had needed to figure out. Tsun smiled a small smile of appreciation and nodded, his brain whirring. It was okay to take a step back, after all. If it was healthier, best for Kaito.
"I see... I've been waiting for him for so long, that I... was worried, about unintentionally trying too hard, or doing everything perfectly, just to make me happy. Just Kaito being himself- and happy, and safe- is what I really want for my baby. But, you're right. He's an individual too, regardless of age or anything else. And my love isn't conditional on those things. I was worried I was pushing too hard before, so maybe for now, I should just back off, and let Kaito tell and show me what he needs from me. Maybe there are things he really likes, and things he doesn't like as much, and if I let him tell me himself, instead of pushing what I think maybe he could like, then things will go more smoothly for both of us. And that's okay. Thanks- your advice is great," Tsun said, feeling a little less troubled, a little lighter.
"Anytime, anytime. I'm glad I could help, if I did," the woman responded with another, now-friendly smile.
Tsun smiled back, shot a quick stare at the girl who'd offended earlier, and left with a quick word of goodbye to the water bubbler clique, to make his report.
Kaito would be waiting for him at home. The thought made Tsun's steps faster. Maybe he could pick up some ice cream on the way home, at the gas station, or something. Somewhere fast. Something he knew his baby loved- to let Kaito know for sure, that his Master loved him and was thinking of him, even while away at work.