Chapter 26: An Awful Reality
Cassie lay on the couch in the living room, waiting for some word that everything was okay. Staring at the candles flickering in the silence, she felt something. It was as if part of her heart had been ripped from her and thrown away. She suddenly burst into tears. There was no reason for these tears, and all she knew was that she felt empty. She hadn't had this feeling since she found out that James and Lily were murdered.
She eventually cried herself to sleep and after a few hours, she awoke to footsteps walking in the hall. Standing immediately, she let the blanket that covered her fall to the floor in an unorganized pile. She grabbed her wand from beside her on the end table and walked quietly into the hall. "Lumos," she murmured, letting the faint light from her wand tip illuminate her way. The wand was held out from her chest, ready to cast any spell necessary to protect herself and Lily.
"Sirius? Is that you? Remus? Who's there? Kingsley? Tonks?" Cassie's voice cracked with fear, trying to name all possible people who would be in the hall. She took small steps, almost tiptoeing, until she reached the hallway. Standing in front of the door was the ragged figure of her best friend. "Remus? What's everyone? Where's Sirius?" asked Cassie fearfully as she lowered her wand.
She walked up to her friend, trying to meet his eyes, but he avoided her, keeping his gaze on the floor or the walls. "Moony? Where is…" she trailed off. "Remus, please tell me where he is." The tattered man looked up and met his hazel eyes with her blue. His were bloodshot and puffy. "Moony" she whispered.
Remus reached out and pulled her in close to him, hugging her tightly. "I think we need to sit down" he managed to whisper, his voice sounded rough, as if he'd been crying for a long time.
Cassie let herself be led back into the room from whence she came. Remus sat her on the threadbare couch and he sat on the coffee table in front of her. "Cassie…" Remus started. "Oh Merlin Cassie, I don't know how to do this!" His head dropped to his hands which rested on his lap. He reached forward and took her cold hands in his.
"Do what? Moony what's going on? Where's Sirius? Did something happen? Is he okay? Where's Harry?" She felt her eyes well with tears, her breath catching in her throat.
Remus' head lifted and he stared into her eyes. "Oh Cassie I'm so sorry. Sirius…"
"Oh no!" Cassie sobbed as her hands flew to her mouth. "Oh Remus please. Tell me no." She felt her hands begin to shake against her lips, the tears falling slowly down her cheeks leaving salty trails behind.
"Oh Cassie." Remus took a deep breath in a desperate attempt to calm himself. "It... We went to the Ministry and got there just in time. Harry, Hermione, Ron, and a couple of their friends were attempting to fight off the Death Eaters. Harry had gotten the prophecy and the Death Eaters were trying to steal it away from him. Bellatrix was there, Sirius' cousin, the one that broke out of prison. He tried to get Harry out of the way, told him to get his friends and run. He ran up and…" Remus trailed off. He looked away from Cassie, his eyes filling with tears again. A few tears slipped out of his eye and landed on his torn pants. "I was duelling with someone else… I looked at him and he was smiling. He kept picking on Bella, antagonizing her. She threw a curse at him and he dodged it. I went back to my duel and when I looked back…"
Cassie grabbed his hands and held them in her own. "What happened?" she whispered frightfully, her voice shaking in time with her hands.
"He…he started teasing her again and she threw anothercurse and… this time he didn't dodge it." Cassie gasped and Remus looked away from her. "I couldn't…I tried. I couldn't make it to him. He fell through this veil and…he's… I grabbed Harry just in time before he went through after him. Harry tried to go after him. I couldn't let him go. We couldn't lose him too. Oh Cassie I'm so sorry!"
Cassie felt the air leave her lungs; everything felt like it stopped. She stared at her best friend, not quite meeting his eyes. The tears that had fallen in a slow pace before now were gushing down her cheeks in tidal waves. They damped her hands and fell down to stain her jeans.
"Oh Merlin," she sobbed. "No! NO NO NO NO!!" Cassie screamed, not caring if she woke up her daughter. She leaned her head down to her lap and cried, the tears falling in rivers.
Remus moved from his seat on the coffee table to sit next to her. He pulled her close to his chest, holding her tightly while his own tears fell. "I'm so sorry. I tried! I'm so so sorry!"
They stayed like that for a moment until Cassie screamed in pain again and began hitting him. She pulled away and hit his chest, arms, everywhere she could reach. He let her hit him, still in a daze, not noticing the stinging pain in his chest or the additional scratches on his arms. Finally Cassie collapsed, leaning her head against his chest and then in his lap. "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry Moony…"
"Shh," he cooed softly, his voice cracked with grief. He held her close again, trying to comfort her and himself. "I'm sorry Cassie!"
They held each other, trying to calm their body-wracking sobs; trying to wipe the hot, salt tears from their eyes; trying to soothe their aching hearts from the pain that was coursing through their veins. Cassie pulled back slightly at the sound of a baby crying upstairs. She reached her hand up and wiped her eyes again, slowly letting her breathing return to normal.
"I should go get her," she whispered, not trusting her voice any louder. Remus nodded as Cassie separated herself from him and slowly climbed the stairs. He knew he should follow her, make sure that she was okay, that she could take care of Lily right now. It was difficult, but he managed to get himself off the couch and follow her up the stairs.
When he reached the baby's nursery he paused, looking through the crack in the door. Cassie was standing at the crib, holding the infant in her arms. She was humming softly and he recognized the tune: "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess.
"Oh Lily," she said softly, slowly rocking her arms back and forth. "How can I take care of you on my own? How can I keep us both safe? I can't do this. I need him," she finished, her voice cracking. She sat in the rocking chair, still forcing her voice to hum the soothing lullaby.
Remus slowly pushed the door open and entered the room. "I'll help you," he whispered. "I'll give you all the help you need Cassie." He knelt down next to the rocker and took one of her hands in his. "Anything you need Cassie, I'll help you."
She turned her tear stained face towards his and gave a small smile. "How can I do this? Haven't I lost enough people? Hasn't my heart been torn apart enough? First Lily and James were murdered, Sirius and Harry taken away from me, Catherine was murdered and now Sirius is taken from me again. I can't lose any more people Moony. I just can't!"
He held her hand tightly, trying to keep his voice level. "You can't give up now. Lily needs you; she doesn't have anyone else. We'll make it though this." He tried to give her a smile. "You still have me Cassie. You still have Harry. We'll get through, I promise."
The friends stayed that way until the sun came up. Cassie's left arm holding tightly onto her baby and her right hand holding Remus'. At times they cried, their tears the only sound in the room; at others they told stories, happier times with Sirius.
AN: Okay, before you decide you're going to curse me out hear my side. I didn't want to make this too AU, it's bad enough I already invented my own character. HOWEVER: I will be posting a ONESHOT in which Sirius survives: I know everyone loves him and doesn't want him to die. This was the first chapter I wrote of this story and I've been waiting to post it for so long.
Also, the reviews have been slacking... there are a lot of hits, but not a lot of reviews. So please leave a review on your way out. Let me know if this works or if I should scrap the whole chapter and start again. Thanks so much for reading! You all are awesome!