Sorry I've been out of commission for nearly half the year, there have been a few problems I had to attend to…

"He feels embarrassed about it."

I won't admit to my mistakes!… until the end of this chapter.

"Sorry for the hiatus! He had it planned out, he was just…"

Banned. In every sense of the word.

"For those who've forgotten, I'm Nadja Orumuzuto, everyone's idol!"

And I sure hope I haven't been forgotten, I'm Shuji Nonohana!… Oh who am I kidding, nobody reads this fic anymore. This is just here as one of the obscure fanfictions that attempts to add adventure to a romantic comedy. I wanted to build this archive up so that it might compete with the Naruto archive someday. Or maybe all those Yugioh fanfic archives put together at least. But I haven't even finished my AyumuXHayateXHina fic, which was supposed to be five chapters long but fell into hiatus around two years ago. I'm ashamed. If I can get around to it, I'll finish that one. It's strange. I feel like my entire two years of fanfic writing has been nothing but a big apology.

Let's brighten things up: 4kids has fallen! Well, that's the only good news in this world… Which at this moment is suffering a major oil spill. It makes me wanna write a satirical story. But I just spent a whole week reading romantic comedies and adventures. So I'm writing this now.

As Nadja said before, I had this in mind before. But since my five month unwanted hiatus, I've had a lot of recollecting to do. So please tell me if it sucks out loud.

In any case, it's a two year anniversary since I started writing (this being my first fic), so I'll do my best.

(Before Reading, look up "Yari" on images. Trust me.)

Tower of Despair part Three, Chapter 26: Shinai vs Yari.

Kaede stood face to face with Salvatrice, a tall blonde woman claiming she's from Italy. "Hey, I didn't say that last chapter! All I did was introduce myself!" To make things simpler, I'm explaining things to the readers.

Hayate stood face to face with Borislav, a short, pudgy, disagreeable man who was balding. "Hey! My hair is just thinning!" He came from the country of two continents, Russia. "And why are you going into detail about where we were born?" Because I want the readers to know that the organization you work for is a worldwide thing, not contained to Japan itself.

"You needn't over explain yourself, nobody cares." Kaede said to me.

Borislav looked at Hayate and Kaede. "I'm sorry you have to put up with such a terrible author…"

"Well, you have to deal with him now." Kaede told Borislav.

"No, you see, we hate him with all our soul as well." Said Salvatrice.

Hayate was confused. "Why is it this conversation breaks the fourth wall? I'm already fed up with how he's writing this story."

"But if we kill you both, the story will end, and we won't have to put up with him anymore…" Said Borislav, evil intent in his eyes.

I feel so loved. All of the characters hate me. So, Hayate is going to be fighting Borislav…

"No. I'm gonna fight Salvatrice." What? Why?

"I'm intentionally gonna disobey what you said in the previous chapter. You said, 'Borislav is stonger than Shu,' implying that I would be fighting…"

And Borislav took out a small handheld device. He put headphones on, plugged them in, and listened to music.

"Hey! I was talking here!"

"Yeah. Why do you think I'm listening to music?"

Hayate just sighed. "It seems like no matter what I say, nobody listens."

Borislav took something out of his cloak. It was a megaphone. He held it up to his mouth and shouted. "QUAKE!" The floor beneath them started to shake, and it actually broke in half! The half that Kaede and Salvatrice were standing on fell down to the previous floor.

"Nonohara-san!" Hayate looked down at the dark passage below. He couldn't see Kaede anywhere.

"Don't try looking. You ran all the way up here, so you know how far down it is he fell."

Hayate felt strange. 'It's as if… there's this horrible feeling overtaking me. Stronger than rage… I get angry when someone's being threatened. Determination when I need to save someone. If I don't know and assume the worst, it's like…'

A feeling of emptiness. Like something just left you.

"But… I can't assume the worst. Not now. There's too much at stake."

Borislav laughed. "Not an ounce of concern for your friend, eh?"

"I can't think too much about it… because if I had fallen, I wouldn't want Nonohara-san to worry about me."

"Surprisingly calm, aren't you?"

Hayate wasn't all that calm. He tried not to think about it, but he was very worried about Kaede. 'Please. Please survive this! I don't want to lose any friends!' He thought back to Himuro, and Makita, and Kunieda. 'That goes for all of you… I hope you're all alright!' Kotetsu's face flashed into his mind. '… Well, I don't care so much about him.'

On the ground floor, Kaede and Salvatrice rose from the debris. "That was a nasty fall." Said Kaede. "Might I inquire if you're alright?"

"I'm alright… that bastard! If he was going to destroy half the floor, why didn't he leave me out of it!"

Kaede thought for a bit.

"The nerve of that guy! I'm supposed to be his ally too!"

"Perhaps he merely wanted to fight Ayasaki-kun by himself?" Suggested Kaede.

"Damn that man and every ounce of pride he thinks he has!" Salvatrice was obviously mad.

"Are we to fight, or aren't we?"

"Might as well. Nothing personal against you, but I need to wipe out everyone connected with that butler."

Kaede innocently cocked his head to the side. "Oh? And why is that?"

"Isn't it obvious? That butler is all that's standing in our way, and now that he's rallied a team strong enough to oppose us, we need to kill everyone he knows, regardless of who they are."

Kaede was still confused about one thing. "But why Ayasaki-kun?"

"We're killing him because of his connection to a certain…." Salvatrice stopped. "Wait a minute, why the hell should I tell you? I'm going to kill you!" She pulled from her cloak a PEZ dispenser. She took a blue PEZ from it and ate it.

Kaede was staring at the PEZ dispenser. "Excuse me for asking, but why are you eating that PEZ?"

Salvatrice glared at Kaede. "Hey, I like sweets, so what? Do you have a problem with that? I need to eat sweets every couple of minutes or I get cranky!"

'So my opponent likes sweets? Every couple of minutes? Even during battle?' Kaede had no comment on this matter. Considering how stupid this was, he was probably right not to say anything.

"Now, lets get down to business…" Out of nowhere, Salvatrice conjured a Yari (Japanese spear). "And see how well my spear cuts through you!"

"A Yari, you mean?"

"Hey, I can't change it's shape. It came out like this. I don't know the proper name for it, so I call it a spear."

Kaede pulled out his Shinai.

"A bamboo sword? Your weapon is simple."

"Maybe so, but I make do with it." Kaede said with a smile.

With both weapons drawn, the battle had already begun. No words were needed. All that needed be done was wait for the first move to be made. Kaede kept a close eye on Salvatrice. Salvatrice was trying to decipher Kaede's moves.

Kaede however, realized what his opponent was doing. During a battle, whoever makes the first move is generally at an advantage if they can outwit their opponent. But if they make their first move carelessly against an intelligent opponent, their moves will be more easily read, and the flow of battle will work against them. That is why the logical thing to do would be to wait for the opponent to move first and counter their attacks, to turn the tide against an overconfident opponent.

Kaede knew this. And he also knew that Salvatrice knew this. In any other fight, waiting for Salvatrice to move first would be the logical thing to do, but since she was waiting for him to move first as well… 'Neither of us will move. We're at a standstill.' This wouldn't be such a bad thing under different circumstances. But at the moment, Hayate was battling against a very strong opponent.

'Salvatrice is indeed very strong. I can feel how strong she is despite out distance. I'm intentionally distancing myself so that I may easily counter her. No offence to her, but…' He thought back to Borislav. '… I felt an even greater power emanating from that man.' Kaede thought back to Hayate. 'Ayasaki-kun's power is nowhere near that man's.' Kaede knew that Hayate would rather fight alone, so that fewer people might get hurt. And he respected that. But if anything should happen to Hayate… 'What would I tell Maria-san and the others?'

It was a trap. An attempt to waste time. Salvatrice knew how powerful Borislav was in comparison to Hayate. She knew that in a matter of time, Hayate would die at Borslav's hands. Whether this was true or not did not matter. Kaede would let Hayate fight Borislav. But should he be unable to fight, Kaede would step in before he dies. A subtle loophole.

Salvatrice was wasting time so that Kaede would not be able to help Hayate!

'At this rate, I may need to strike first.' What would Kaede do?

Salvatrice asked, "What's the matter? Aren't you gonna fight me?"

"Why…" Kaede was gone. Salvatrice looked all around.

'Where did he go?'

"…of course I will." She looked behind her. He was right there! With a single thrust, Kaede knocked her off her feet. His decision was final. He would make the first move and succeed.

"Wait a minute." Said Salvatrice as she stood up. "A movement so fast you can't see it? Suddenly appearing behind the opponent? Isn't that a little too cliché? I mean, there's about a million fight manga that have that same effect! Doesn't it get a little old?"

"Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't use that motion to move behind you. I actually used all my leg strength to push myself at an incredible speed toward a large piece of the ceiling. I used that debris as camouflage as I snuck up behind you and struck."

"And exactly how fast did you do that? I mean, you had to have been running for you to have done that so fast."

Kaede chuckled. "I've been trained to walk silently. I am a butler after all."

"What? But how can you-" Before she could finish, Kaede held his shinai to her face.

"I haven't any time to waste with trivial questions. I need to get back upstairs."

Salvatrice smacked the shinai away and stood up. "Not gonna happen." She took her Yari and thrust it at Kaede. Kaede swiftly dodged and struck back with his shinai. Salvatrice jumped up and sliced at Kaede. Kaede blocked using his shinai. The Yari got stuck.

"Pretty good, for a weapon made out of bamboo." Taunted Salvatrice.

"Pretty good, for a bladed weapon." Copied Kaede.

They broke from each other and went at it again. Salvatrice kept thrusting her Yari and Kaede kept blocking. She was very fast, but Kaede was keeping up. "You gonna keep blocking all day?"

"Blocking was never my intent." He blocked her Yari and held it in place. Kaede closed the distance between them, and swung his Shinai. The Yari went flying out of Salvatrice's hands. "I have been aiming to disarm you."

Salvatrice smirked. "Nice try." The Yari in the air quickly disappeared. It reappeared in her hands.

Kaede referenced chapter seventeen. "You are… a level six, correct?"

"Yeah, I forge a spear from my power." She popped a red PEZ into her mouth. "So I cannot be disarmed!"

But in between her PEZ popping and her explanation, Kaede had already disarmed her again. "Your eating habit will be your downfall."

"HAH! Again, how cliché is that?" Salvatrice held out her hand and her Yari started to form.

Kaede jumped back so that he wouldn't catch the bad end of the blade.

"Try again." The Yari's original shape was forming, but it grew. It just grew. Faster than Kaede could jump back. "Take this!"

'I won't be able to dodge this!' The Yari slashed across Kaede's chest. "Mmg…"

"How do you like that? Some people can change their weapon's functions, others have special features to their weapons… like me! While it's forming, I can change my spear's length! The Crescente Lancia!"

Kaede chuckled again. "An extending pole? Who is cliché now? We all know where that originated. The only difference is the blade at the end." He put his hand over this wound. "This is a very deep wound. I do believe it will leave a scar."

Salvatrice scoffed. "You can't expect not to get killed going up against people like us."

"I won't die." Kaede ran up to her.

"Foolish man…" Salvatrice formed her spear and thrust… and formed it and thrust it over and over again. "I can erase and re-form my spear faster than you can move! Lancia Multiplo!"

This technique however was useless, as Kaede could dodge the Yari faster than the eye could see. "As I said before, I won't die." He swung, and she fell. "You just might, though."

Salvatrice stood up and touched her face. It was bruised. "Keep on talking. It doesn't matter." She erased her Yari. She held her hand out. "This will finish you off for sure."

Light shone near Kaede's stomach. "What?"

"Attimo Morte Lancia!" Her Yari instantly pierced Kaede's body.

"Urmph!"

"Ha! Now who's dead?" Kaede's body limped. Salvatrice walked over to collect her spear. "I guess butlers aren't all that, huh?" She grabbed it.

"Exactly what I've been waiting for."

"What? But you're-"

Before she could respond, Kaede thrust out his Shinai. 'Safety Shutter: Grand Explosion Immolating Dark Murder!' Salvatrice was engulfed in flames.

"But… I thought your weapon…"

"I use this for the safety of others. I can only use my Safety Shutter once or twice a day. Any more, and it's power would increase dramatically, incinerating everything around me." Kaede started up the stairs. "Do take care of yourself."

Salvatrice fainted. With one enemy down and one to go, will this party of butlers be victorious? Find out next time.

Translation

I used a few Italian words for Salvatrice's attacks. It took me a little to find the right naming method and words in Italian. Salvatrice can speak fluent Japanese, but she developed her power in Italy, her country of origin, so it only follows that her attack names are in her first language.

Crescente Lancia: Crescente means, "Growing" and Lancia means, "Spear". So it's a growing spear. Her weapon is a Japanese Yari, but since it isn't that well known a weapon outside of Japan, she calls it a spear.

Lancia Multiplo: Multiplo means "Multiple". Her spear doesn't actually multiply, but she makes it look that way.

Attimo Morte Lancia: Attimo means "Instant". Morte means "Death". So it's "Instant Death Spear". Putting Death in an attack name… now who's cliché.

Again, I'd like to apologize. I wrote this story way before we knew anything about Hayate's surrogate older brother. It was way before we knew his name, or anything beyond the first ten parts of "The End of the World". Assume I'm writing this before I read any of the chapters afterward (even though I read all of 'em).

As for the crap explanation I gave as to why Hayate doesn't remember him… ignore that and assume he used the Reverse Amnesia Hammer on himself so that nobody would remember him. I shouldn't have used Brittania if I already had a memory altering hammer plot point in the story. I was an amateur writer back them. Still am, in fact.

I should have known from the beginning that Hata would expand on Hayate's brother after introducing him. I am sorry again.

"You apologize too much. A fanfiction is supposed to let people express their creative imaginations."

While that may be true… I dunno. I'll continue. But I'm not sure how people will like it or not…

"Enough self pity!"

Well, see you later.