The Romantic Rapscallion
Chester Greenwood was driving his family on a deserted road at night.
Erica, his wife, looked at a map. "I don't know, honey. This doesn't look like the Crystal Cove from the brochure. We might be lost."
"As usual," said Alice, his snarky tween daughter.
"Come on, you call this lost?" said Chester. "We're not lost. We're on an adventure."
"Adventures are stupid," said Alice.
A giant shadow of a pistol-wielding man loomed ahead.
"A man! A giant man!" shouted Alice.
With the squeal of tires the car stopped just in front of the figure, who turned out to be a normal-sized man, masked and wearing a sixteenth-century-style costume. He was standing beside a motorcycle. He pointed his pistols at them.
"Stand and deliver," said the man in a British accent. "I'm the Dandy Highwayman. And this is a robbery."
The Dandy Highwayman took their valuables at gunpoint.
"All I have is my wedding ring," said Erica. "I'm afraid it's not worth much."
She looked at her husband, who gave a nervous chuckle.
"But you're welcome to it," said Erica.
"A treasure, my lady," said the Dandy Highwayman, taking it gently from her finger and kissing her hand. "And I do trust you're having a splendid holiday."
"Me? You want to know how I am?" asked Erica.
"Quite so. Listening to you talk about your day, your dreams, and your desires will be sweet nectar to my ears."
"Oh, my," said Erica.
The Highwayman whipped around and shot the family SUV, which exploded. He ran back to his motorcycle and mounted it.
"Begging your pardon, my lady. But will you care to accompany me?"
"Me? Now? Okay," said Erica in a romantic daze.
She got onto the motorcycle behind him. The Dandy Highwayman drove off past the burning SUV, then showed off with a dramatic jump that cleared the wrecked vehicle, Chester, and Alice.
"Did mom just take off with some kind of road pirate?" asked Alice as the two roared away.
Norville woke with a start beside Scoobert's bed in the hospital.
"Zoinks, Scoob! I just dreamed we were safe at home in Coolsville, and then, like, those crazy robots from the underwater base came in and started shooting at us. I hate nightmares!"
Scoobert sat up in the hospital bed with a blank look. "Nibiru! Nibiru is coming."
Norville backed away. "Scoob, no!"
A robot crashed through the wall and grabbed his neck.
Norville woke up again, this time for real. He groaned, "Too many doughnuts before bedtime."
The local gang was headed to the mall in the Mystery Machine. The other gang had declined to join them, pulling together to comfort Norville after his nightmares of the previous night.
"My mom is putting in a pool in our backyard," said Velma.
"That's nice," said Daphne. "Every home should have a pool, like we do."
"But she already hired a pool boy to sit in a deck chair," said Velma. "He's well-built and has a British accent. Should I be worried for my parent's marriage?"
"I'm sure they're devoted to each other," said Fred. "Like us, Daph. I never have to worry about a guy with a British accent taking you away."
Daphne smiled and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "I saw an adorable purple dress at the mall. I think you'll love it, Fred."
"Like, just like your other ones?" asked Shaggy.
"Exactly," said Daphne. "That's why I know he'll love it. And Velma, I saw the cutest little pashmina that would look perfect on you."
"I don't even know what that means," said Velma.
"Like, Scooby-Doo and I love the mall," said Shaggy. "I mean, dude, can you say food court-apalooza?"
"Of course. Foodkabalooba. Raffaroffa. I can't say it, but I still love it. Hee hee hee."
They came to a section of the road full of wrecked, burning cars. They got out to investigate and found Sheriff Stone on the scene.
"What? Do you Mystery dorks have some kind of radar in that van of yours that smells trouble?" asked Stone.
"No, but what a great idea," said Fred.
"Sheriff, what happened? Was there some kind of pileup?" asked Velma.
"According to my eye witness, some guy in a patriot hat is running around town robbing people," said Stone. "Then he puts some kind of evil spell on their womenfolk with this kooky English accent of his and rides off with them. He calls himself the Dandy Highwayman."
In the background a man staggered by sobbing for his wife, Marsha.
"Looks like we got another man down," said Stone. "Sometimes the things I see on this job, they don't sit easy."
"The Dandy Highwayman?" said Fred. "Well, gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands."
"I wonder where the Highwayman's going to strike next?" asked Daphne.
At a town meeting for victims of the robbers, led by Mayor Nettles and Sheriff Stone, the two gangs found out where he struck next - the Blake mansion.
"The Dandy Highwayman made my Nan empty the safe into this big black bag he had," said Barty Blake. And then-then he got on his bike, held his hand out to my Nan, and It was terrifying, I tell you. It was like she was possessed."
Other men chimed in that this was what happened to them.
"I can't go on without my wife," said one. "I'm hungry. I'm really hungry."
"Settle down. Settle down, people," said the Sheriff "Let's get some control here. We're men. We're tough. We're warriors. We can survive anything."
A motorcycle burst through the door, knocking it onto the Sheriff and pinning him to the ground.
"This is a robbery," said the Dandy Highwayman. "Stand and deliver. Put all your valuables in this bag."
Knowing he was armed with weapons capable of taking out cars with one shot, and not wanting to risk injury to the crowd, even the bold martial artists like Norville and Cassidy held back, letting the charming bandit carry out his work.
"My only valuable is Scoob," said Shaggy.
"Nu-uh. I'm not getting in there, no way," said Scooby-Doo.
"It is such an honor to meet you, Mayor Nettles," said the Dandy Highwayman. "It is not every day one has the opportunity to be in the presence of such a powerful and yet ravishingly beautiful woman. I would love to hear the story of your life."
Mayor Nettles looked at him with admiration in her eyes.
"How you grew up, how you came to be mayor, everything. Every little detail and every emotion that came along with it. Won't you please join me, Madame Mayor?"
As Sheriff Stone struggled out from under the door, the Mayor got onto the motorcycle with the Highwayman.
"Oh, take one of these other losers' women," said Stone. "Leave my Janet Mayor Nettles alone!"
With powerful roar, the two sped away.
"Janet, no! You Mystery geeks have to get her back. I feel a full body anxiety cramp coming on," said the Sheriff, falling to the floor.
"You can count on us, Sheriff," said Dace (the other Velma).
"Gang, let's get this Dandy Highwayman off the street before he gets his hands on our girl," said Fred.
"Oh, Freddy," said Daphne.
"Let's split up, gangs," said Frederick. "You local guys can dig for background information about the Dandy Highwayman. We'll set up a trap for him on the highway."
"A trap without Scoobert?" said Norville. "Like, how can that possibly work? We'd usually disguise ourselves as a couple of potential victims and then when he tried to grab us our luck would kick in and..."
"We'll make it work," said Frederick with determination.
The locals visited the Crystal Cove Public Library. There was a librarian wearing glasses at the information desk.
"We were wondering if you have any books on someone called the Dandy Highwayman?" Velma asked him.
"The Dandy Highwayman? Hmm," said the librarian. "Let me see. You want the dashing debonair rogue section. Right between the swarthy scoundrel and the exuberant imp."
Soon the gang was seated at a table with piles of books. Scooby fell asleep from boredom.
Scooby found himself in a strange hallway lined with curtains. There was black-and-white tiling on the floors in a zigzag pattern. Down the hallway, Scooby saw his counterpart disappear into another room.
"Huh? Scobert?" said Scooby, and followed.
In the next room were armless sculptures, and sofas, but no sign of Scoobert. A small man was dancing."
"Welcome to the Sitting Room, Scooby-Doo," said the dancing man in a weird voice.
Scooby woke with a start. He was still in the library, his face in a book.
"Look at this," said Daphne. "All the books on dashing rogues and debonair thieves have been checked out by the woman that have been abducted."
"And check this out," said Velma. "It's a members list for a book club with all the ladies' names on it. Look, Daph, your mom's on here."
"Book club? My mom hates to read, unless it's a shopping catalogue," said Daphne.
Scooby nosed a piece of cloth that was inside his book. He was pretty sure it hadn't been there when he fell asleep. "Where did this come from?"
"Cuarto llave," said Velma. "It's the fourth key. Guys, I don't think it was any accident that we found this."
"But why here? And how does it tie into the Dandy Highwayman?" asked Fred.
"All I know is we have to come up with some answers fast, or I might never see my mother again," said Daphne.
"We should ask the librarian about that book club," said Velma.
They went back to the help desk, but the librarian had left the building.
"I hope the others are having good luck with their trap," said Fred.
"Freddie, I don't like this idea of yours, to use me as bait," said Anne, the other Daphne.
She was pretending to be stranded on the road, with the others whispering to her from behind a bush.
"It should work great," said Frederick. "Villains tend to kidnap you a lot."
"And tie you up," said Norville.
"It's only happened in a few cases," said Anne.
"The Swamp Witch, the Scare Pair, the Mantis, the Leland brothers,..." said Dace.
"I resent the stereotype of being the damsel in distress. That's why I studied martial arts."
"It's just for show, to attract the villain," said Frederick. "Then we can jump him."
"Just keep looking helpless and crazy rich," said Norville.
"You know the other Fred would never risk this," said Anne. "He just got her back. There is no way that he would let the Dandy Highwayman get anywhere near his girlfriend."
"Too bad for the Highwayman that we're the ones doing the trap," said Frederick. "We don't have that problem."
"Right," said Anne in a cold tone of voice.
"It's perfect that you look so weak and vulnerable," said Frederick. "You're the easiest kind of bait."
He went into a reverie, looking away from her for a moment.
"Remember the - Daph? I mean... Anne? She was right here."
The gang saw that Anne had slipped away. She got on the motorcycle of the Dandy Highwayman.
"Anne! I'm coming to save you!" Frederick called, but it was too late.
Frederick was so distraught that he couldn't drive, so Dace took the wheel of the Mystery Machine while Frederick rode shotgun.
"Dace, could you drive any slower?" Norville complained. "My grandma drives faster."
"I'm not driving slowly," said Dace. "It's called being cautious. Did you know that 33% of all accidents happen when you're just minutes away from your house?"
"Like, we're a universe away from your house," said Norville.
"It's still better to play it safe."
"This upholstery still has my Anne's sweet scent on it," said Frederick. "Oh, Anne. Why? Why?"
"Oh, brother," said Dace.
Anne was in a cave with the Dandy Highwayman's collection of women. There were sofas and comfortable chairs arranged around a pile of books and loot in the center of the room. Most of the women were reading quietly. Anne was sitting looking thoughtful.
The Dandy Highwayman came up to her.
"I hope I'm not disturbing you. I just thought you might wish to talk."
"What made you think that?" asked Anne.
"Well, you are a woman," said the Highwayman. "You see, I understand such things. I as well love to share my innermost feelings. The sound of a woman talking incessantly without end is sweet music to my ears."
"Well, I would like to talk, but all these others around make me a bit shy," said Anne. "Could we go into another room?"
"But of course, my lady," said the Highwayman, leading the way into an isolated part of the cave. "I'm happy to help you make the adjustment to being here."
As soon as she knew they were out of sight from the other women (especially Janet Nettles, who might use her formidable fighting skills in his defense), Anne grabbed the Highwayman by the arm and flipped him to the ground with an aikido throw. He lay there, stunned. Anne produced ropes and tied the villain up.
She got out her cell phone and called Frederick. "I've captured the Dandy Highwayman. I'll get outside where you can track the GPS on my phone."
When the gang arrived, Frederick rushed to her. "Anne, I was so worried. I was beside myself that I might lose you for good."
"You do have feelings for me," said Anne. "That's what I hoped you would realize. I have feelings for you, too."
"Anne!" said Frederick happily, giving her a hug. She hugged back.
The other gang arrived, along with Sheriff Stone.
"Now let's see who this mysterious woman stealer really is," said Stone. He took off the mask, revealing a bespectacled face.
"The librarian?" exclaimed the local gang in chorus.
"Like, seriously? But you're not even British," said Shaggy. "I'm so confused."
The librarian explained how he spent a life reading about other people's adventures. He decided to have one of his own, and become a dashing rogue who could charm all the ladies.
"I studied how to do an English accent. I incorporated a motorcycle helmet into my costume's hat and practiced my motorcycle skills for hours and hours. Then I discovered something unimaginable- the key to a woman's total admiration and devotion. All you have to do is pay attention to them when they're talking."
Sheriff Stone looked sceptical.
"Crazy, isn't it? It wasn't until I started to moderate the book club that I learned how to listen. From there, I actually became interested in what women have to say. Before long, I was fully engaged in their desires and feelings. I was living the dream. And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling romance killers."
"I'm not buying it for a second," said Stone. "You put some kind of voodoo magic spell on them, you did."
"Never. I just listened, that's all. Except when the going got tough. I had a little help. These earplugs were the only magic I used."
"I knew it! I knew there was some kind of trick involved," said Stone.
All the other women were rescued, though all of them said they went willingly, because he was charming and listened to them.
On the way back home in the car, Fred and Shaggy practiced that kind of listening trick on Daphne and Velma. It almost worked, but it failed when they revealed they were using earplugs.
Scooby fell asleep again, and was once again in the Sitting Room with the little man.
"The time has come," said the man. "She is here."
Another Great Dane entered the room.
"Scoobert?" asked Scooby.
"I am not Scoobert," said the being with a feminine voice. "I've only borrowed his body so that I may bring you an urgent message. Scooby-Doo, your life is in danger."
"Huh?"
"I am of the Anunnaki, inter-dimensional beings that visit the planet Earth every few thousand years. We arrive at a time call Nibiru, when the barriers between our worlds grow weak. The Anunnaki have a great history of helping humans, but we have no physical form and must inhabit animals."
A vision appeared of animal spirits that humans had worshiped, like Sun Wukpong the Monkey King and Quetzalcoatl, the feathered serpent.
"This is why some animals, our descendants, can talk and others cannot. But not all Anunnaki are kind and good. There are evil ones. And the most evil one of all is imprisoned beneath Crystal Cove and must not be set free."
There was a vision of a crystal sarcophagus filled with rolling black pearls.
"You must undo it, Scooby-Doo," said the Annunaki. "Undo it all. Save yourself. Save your friends. Save the world."
Scooby woke up, to give the gang the warning, "The cursed treasure is evil. Evil! We have to destroy it."
Back in a room adjoining the Sitting Room, two figures had been watching.
"Like, they'll have to do it without our good sides, won't they, Cass?"
The two nodded to each other sadly, then froze again into immobility.