So, this chapter was hard to write in a sense. How to really convey their feelings and what not. And yes, Shane is a tad ooc but it will be explained next chapter. I've a surprise only 2 of you know about. Well. It's not much of a 'surprise' as it is an awesome thing I can't wait to write. But on a side not, ScarlettBlush is hosting? Camp Rock awards. So, you should totally go check those out. Yup. You should. And we've broken 1700 reviews. Yay!
Chapter 26:
I've never prayed for time to stop so much in my life. The night before leaving for school, I laid in our bed, holding on to Shane for dear life. He was holding me just as tightly.
There were so many thoughts racing through my mind. What if this didn't work out? What if we were too busy for one another and something happened? What if he fell out of love with me? Or worse. What if I fell out of love with him?
My worried eyes scanned his equally worried face. That one look was all it took to shake most of those fears. I smiled at him softly. He smiled back. His fingers reached out and traced the contours of my face. I shivered at his light touch.
"I love you." He whispered.
"I love you, too." I sighed.
"I'm going to miss you." He admitted, though I knew this already.
"I'm going to miss you, too." I whispered.
"Don't let someone steal your heart while I'm gone, okay?" He tried to make it sound teasing, but I could hear the fear and vulnerability in his voice.
"Promise. Don't let someone steal yours." I replied, equally worried.
"Not possible." He grinned.
"Why's that?" I asked taunting him.
"Because it's safe." He replied. I raised an eyebrow. "It's locked away, right… here." He pointed to my own heart. I felt tears spring to my eyes.
"I'm going to miss all of your cheesy clichéness." I sniffled.
"I'm going to miss seeing your reactions. Rolling your eyes, pushing me, awing. It's always fun to see how you'll react." He replied. I could hear his voice beginning to crack and tears were forming in his own eyes.
"I'm going to miss you randomly singing to me." I spoke softly.
"I'm going to miss singing to only you." Shane shook his head slightly. "This is getting us nowhere." His voice cracked in the middle of his sentence.
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly as I felt tears beginning to fall. "I hate this." I whispered, barely audible.
"I know." I heard it in his voice that he was crying, too. "I hate this, too."
"Why do we have to deal with this?" I cried softly, burying myself in his chest.
"Because you fell in love with celebrity at the age of sixteen." He murmured. "Because I was stupid and let you fall in love with me." He paused. "Because I was stupid and let myself fall in love with you. Because I was too caught up to cut my loses when you lied to me. Because we love each other enough to overcome this in the end."
I laughed softly through my tears, though it was mostly humorless. "You make us sound like star crossed lovers who aren't meant to be in the end."
"We weren't meant to be. Not really." He spoke indifferently. My body tensed.
"We aren't?" My voice cracked.
"We weren't. Think about it. I was almost 19 when I met you. I should not have fallen for a 16 year old. We came from different worlds and what not. We weren't supposed to fall in love. But we did. And that's what makes this so much greater. Because it's not fate forcing us together whether we want to be or not. We choose to be here, where we are. We freely and without force chose to be with one another. Everything we overcome, just shows how much we mean to one another, because we're fighting for it. We're earning and deserving everything we get in the end." He spoke with as much passion as his body would allow. Our bodies were still weary from refreshing our memories of each other's bodies. Ensuring we didn't forgot the other during 3 months apart.
"Do you ever regret it?" I asked after a small silence. "Dating me?"
He lifted my chin to face him. "Never." He said looking me intently in the eyes. "Not for myself." He amended. "Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier for you in the end if I just… broke your heart at the end of Final Jam, instead of kissing you. Every time I see you cry because of me or because of my career and what comes along with it, I wonder. Could I have spared her from this? But I see one smile light up your face and my selfishness comes into play. I remember why I couldn't walk away. Why I couldn't just focus on my music. Because I need you. As selfish as it may be to put you through all of this, I need you."
"You have me. You'll always have me." I whispered, tears falling from my blinking eyes. "I need you, too." He didn't reply. He kissed my forehead and I sighed. I fell into the most horribly pleasant sleep of my life. It was tortuous to know this was the last time I'd be sleeping in his arms for three months.
I grudgingly got up the next morning and started making breakfast. Nate stumbled into the kitchen a little while later. His eyes were as bloodshot as mine, indicating that Caitlyn and he had had as much of good night as Shane and I.
"How you holding up?" He asked knowingly.
"I'm not." I replied honestly. "He scared me last night." I admitted. Nate and I seemed to relate better in terms of our relationships then Caitlyn and I. Caitlyn was the stronger of the two when it came to things, such as Shane was. Nate and I were more often floating helplessly trying to figure everything out.
"Why?" Nate asked, confused.
"He said we weren't meant to be. Meaning that it wasn't fate that was pushing us together. That we chose to be together. He said a lot of sweet things, but at the same time-" I paused, flipping the omelet I was making. "What if that's our downfall? What if one of us decides it's not worth it anymore?"
"Mitchie, you're married. I highly doubt you'd have that thought long enough to get divorced." Nate tried to console me as best he could.
"It just scares me, Nate." I sighed, sliding the omelet onto a plate and handing it to him. "What about you? How are you doing?"
"The same. I'm not. She's so confident and not worried. Almost like she doesn't care that we won't see each other for 3 months. Like she needs a break again or something."
"It's Cait." I soothed him. "She's going to be hardheaded and stubborn and hide her feelings. I know she's probably going insane on the inside. It won't be until you leave tonight that she'll break down and admit that she's hating that you're leaving."
"She just seemed so uncaring. If that's what I was like, then damn. No wonder she hated me. I was pouring my heart out to her, and she barely seemed phased." He sighed.
"Cait's defense." I replied, starting another omelet.
"True. Thanks, Mitchie. This was good." He nodded toward the empty plate. "I'm going to go hop in the shower while no one else is in there." I smiled at him as he left the kitchen.
By the time the next omelet was done, Anastasia was sitting at the table, her head in her hands. Now she was definitely the most stubborn of all of us. "How are you?" I asked, giving her the omelet.
"Perfectly fine. Can't wait to move in." She'd be moving in the morning, then we'd be moving in the afternoon. The schools weren't too far from one another as it was. It made sense to load up both Dad's truck and the catering truck with everyone's stuff and make it in one trip.
"And the separation?" I asked.
"I hope he can handle it this time." She sighed.
"He? Weren't you just as frazzled as he was?" I scoffed.
"Because he kept whining and telling me he missed me. If it weren't for that, I would have been fine." I laughed to myself. She adamantly believed that, no matter how wrong it was.
"Whatever you say, Stas." I replied. "At least we'll be closer this year." I said, changing the subject slightly.
"Yeah. That'll be good. We'll have to meet up once every two weeks or something. I'll bring E out, too. She's really awesome." Anastasia said, speaking of her roommate Elisha.
"I remember. She just seemed out of place when you were in the hospital. But we tend to be intimidating to outsiders." I teased.
"Yeah, you are." She agreed. "This was great, Mitchie." She complimented. "Might want to make a few more, though, cause Shane, Jason, and Caitlyn will be up soon." She headed back into Jason's room.
I smiled and started on the next one. I felt arms wrap around my waist as I faced the stove. "You look cute cooking in my t-shirt." Shane mumbled against my shoulder.
"I know." I smirked. "It'll be done in a few." I promised. By the time I finished Shane's omelet, Nate emerged from the bathroom, Anastasia disappeared into it, and Jason and Caitlyn had stumbled out of their respective bedrooms.
"Mitchie's making breakfast?" Caitlyn asked.
"Yeah." Shane smiled, shoveling the omelet in his mouth. "You so got your mother's omelet abilities." He complimented, mouth half open with food.
I rolled my eyes. "Great, we'll just have breakfast for all of our meals and we'll be good."
"Hey!" Shane pouted as I twisted his compliment. "Why must you do that? And you can cook dinner very well, too. With a recipe." He added.
"Thank you." I kissed his cheek as I slid another omelet onto a plate. After feeding everyone else, I ate my own omelet. Soon, though, we were all ready to go and waiting for Mom and Dad to get there. It didn't make sense to drive back to NJ to drive up to MA.
A few hours later we were all pulling up outside of the Grey household in Boston. Shane and I were in the Mustang with Jacob. Nate, Caitlyn, and Jason were in Anastasia car, while Mom and Dad drove their own vehicles.
"Mitchie!" Nicky yelled running out of the house. I rolled my eyes. She was too happy for 7:30 in the morning. Yes, I woke up around 4 this morning.
"Hey, Nick." I replied tiredly, hugging her. "How are you?" I asked.
She pouted. "Crappy. I think I should have just stayed broken up from him. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much."
"I think then it'd be harder, actually. For both of you." I said knowingly. "He needs to know he has you back here."
"I know." She sighed. "Morning, Shane." She kissed her brother's cheek.
"Oh," He scoffed, "Now you notice me."
"What? I like your wife better." She replied smirking.
I giggled. "I noticed." He pouted.
We didn't stay long. We made a bathroom break as well as dropped Jacob off. Though no one would be living in the room with him, Jacob would have Shane's room. I wanted him closer to me then leaving him in New Jersey. Nicky offered to let him stay in her room, having spent most of the summer with him. I thought Jacob might prefer to be surrounded by Shane's scent. Despite the fact he hadn't lived there for awhile, Shane's scent lingered in the room. Especially to a strong nose like Jacob's.
Good-bye is hard to say. Shane was on the verge of tears as Jacob stared up at him. "I'm going to miss you, boy." Shane spoke softly, petting him. "But Daddy'll be home soon. Remember that. And Mommy's gonna visit all of the time."
"I hope we never have to do this with our real children." I whispered softly.
"I am never leaving on a tour I can't take my kids on." Shane said firmly.
I sighed. "Don't make promises-"
"I will keep that one." He insisted, standing up. Jacob whined slightly, scratching at Shane's leg. He knew what was going on.
"Bye, pup." Shane whispered one last time, closing his bedroom door closed.
After moving Anastasia in, we found ourselves at a lose. Do we take her with us to move into our dorm and say good-bye all at our dorm? Or do we say good-bye now and leave her there?
In the end, we opted to leave Anastasia at her school. Jason and Anastasia both agreed it would be hard enough. She didn't think she'd be able to drive after saying good-bye to any of us.
"I'm gonna miss you." Nate said, hugging her. "It's gonna be hard keeping Shane in check without you." He told Anastasia.
"Awe. I'm gonna miss you, too, Nate." She whispered something in his ear.
"I will. Promise me the same?" He asked. She nodded.
She moved over to Shane next. "Dracula." She smiled, hugging him.
"I'm so not going to miss that. But I am going to miss you. You're like my sister."
"Did you just compare me to a 16 year old?" She gasped playfully.
"Okay, you girls need to stop twisting my words." He mock glared at her.
"I'm gonna miss you, too." She replied. "Who else am I gonna be competition with?" We all laughed, knowing what she meant. Shane and Anastasia had a silent competition between the two, almost always. Whether it was annoying the other more or leaving more hickey's on their significant other. It was sibling-rivalry at it's best sometimes. It often felt like the oldest brother and sister fighting for control of the family. What made it the best was the fact that Shane and Anastasia were the oldest male and female of the group.
Shane laughed as he stepped back, letting Caitlyn and I talk to her next. Caitlyn hugged her tightly, not saying much. She was never one for many words when it came to her feelings. Next was me.
"Stas." I said simply, hugging her tightly. "We had so better see each other as much as you say."
"Who are you kidding, Mitchie? One of the three of us are going to call tonight. And we will probably meet up at some point in the next week while there's not much to do yet. We aren't that far apart." She laughed with tears in her eyes.
"See you soon." I promised, stepping back again. Caitlyn, the boys and I made our way back to the Mustang. We gave Jason a few minutes alone with Anastasia.
We watched as she hugged him tightly and I swear I saw her cry. He was doing his best not to, but we knew he was. They didn't seem to say much, but Jason held her tightly. For all we knew he could have been talking quietly.
He pulled away first. I saw Anastasia's face fall more. "Love you." I clearly understood him whispering though I couldn't hear it.
She couldn't seem to speak enough to say it back. She tried to speak, but nothing came out. She stomped her foot slightly in frustration. Jason smiled, kissing her forehead. He stepped away fully from her. She made her way into the dorm, unable to watch him leave.
Caitlyn and I hugged him as he came over to us. "It'll be okay." I assured him.
He looked at us with hollow eyes. "1 down. 2 to go." He said softly. I locked eyes with Shane. He glanced away a moment later. I sighed.
Though moving Caitlyn and I was rather… interesting, it was only delaying the inevitable. Jason gave Caitlyn and I a short good-bye, not having the heart to say too much. Then I said good-bye to Nate while Caitlyn said good-bye to Shane.
"Take care of him?" I asked Nate, glancing at my husband.
"Take care of her." Nate replied. "I've handled him before. It's not a big deal."
"And I've handled her. Make sure Jason doesn't become too depressed either." I requested.
"I will. Be sure to keep in touch with Stas." He warned.
I smiled. "I will. Nate…" I blinked, feeling tears form. "I don't want to say good-bye to him, again."
Nate hugged me tightly to him. "I know. I know. It's hard. But, we're all going through it, so you've got a great support system for once we leave." He tried to calm me down as a few tears slid out of my eyes onto his shoulder.
"You've changed." I smiled through my tears. "Two years ago, you'd never have known what to say to me crying. You would have stammered and directed me toward Shane or Caitlyn or even Jason."
He shrugged. "I don't want to lose Caitlyn. I had to learn how to feel."
"She's lucky she has you. You're so devoted to her it's amusing." I said smiling even more.
"Like Shane isn't the same." He rolled his eyes.
"Seriously, if he's getting too depressed or something, please let me know." I begged,
"Promise." He swore. "Don't let her shut you out. Or me."
"Promise." I repeated. "I'm going to miss you, Nate." I smiled sadly.
"Ditto." He replied. I stepped away from to see Caitlyn smiling at us.
I didn't say much to Shane when I switched places with Caitlyn. He kissed me, savoring the moment.
"Love you." He whispered brokenly. "God, I don't want to go."
"Love you, too. And I don't want you, too, either. But you have to. And I can't go with you." I whispered, trying to stay strong for once.
"I'm scared." He admitted.
"Why's that?" I asked.
"You know why. And you're going to get mad at me being scared." He said softly.
"Shane…" I sighed. "I'm not going to do that." I promised, referring to cutting myself.
"I know. I'm just scared that you will. I can't shake it. I just… I had to tell you. I had to hear you say it. And maybe, me letting you know I'm afraid will help keep you from doing it." He explained softly.
"I promised you I hadn't and that I wouldn't." I sighed. "I'm honestly more scared for you. You don't' handle our separations easily."
"What could I possibly do?" He asked laughing slightly.
"Drink? You'll be 21 in a few weeks." I said uncertainly.
He chuckled softly. "Mitchie, I don't even know the legal drinking age of half the countries in Europe, much less the one I'm going to be in when I turn 21. I'm going to wait until I get back to have my first 'legal' drink, anyway."
I smiled despite the situation. "Good. And try not to piss Nate off too bad. I mean, Mitchie-withdrawal, sex-withdrawal… you might go insane." I teased.
"I'm not that bad." I raised an eyebrow. "Okay, the first two days, yes. But not in general." He argued.
"I know. I'm teasing. Trying to escape the reality of this situation." I looked over his shoulder, avoiding his eyes. He knew me too well and pulled my chin back to face him.
"I'm sorry." He spoke softly.
"I know." I said. "I'm sorry, too." Sighing, I closed my eyes. I felt his lips press against my forehead, and tears begin falling down my face. "I'm going to miss that." I said referring to his random kisses.
"I know." He spoke against my forehead. "I'll call you before we board and after we land tomorrow." He promised.
"Okay." I replied. "Enjoy Europe." I said with a half smile.
"Enjoy college." He smirked. He kissed me one last time. "I love you. Don't forget that."
"I love you, too. Now go before I completely lose it." I spoke shakily, warding off the sobs as best I could.
"Goo-" I cut him off.
"Don't. Don't say good-bye. Just tell me you love me and leave." I said pressing my fingers against his mouth.
"I love you." He said against my fingers before backing away from me. He met up with Nate as they headed back to Jason. Mom wrapped an arm around me while Dad did the same to Caitlyn.
"You girls will be fine." Dad assured us as we watched the three broken pop stars drive off. They had a meeting that night in New York. Mom and Dad would be staying for a bit yet.
"You sure, Dad?" I asked.
"Absolutely." He promised.
"I hope you're right, Dad." Caitlyn sigh, leaning against him. "I miss him already." She laughed with tears beginning to fall.
"I know how you feel." I replied, tears still falling from saying good-bye to Shane.
"Maybe we should leave you girls to go get settled, cry, wallow a bit." Mom suggested. Dad nodded in agreement.
"Okay." I smiled.
After a heartfelt good-bye from our parents -I mean, my parents, no our parents- we linked arms and waved good-bye to them. Caitlyn had began calling my parents Mom and Dad, seeing as they seemed to be more of parents than her real ones. She was still fairly close with her real ones, but mine were a close second.
As we entered our dorm room, Caitlyn collapsed on her bed. "I hate this." She whimpered, tears threatening to turn into sobs. I smiled to myself, knowing she was about to break down just I had predicted.
"I know. We all do. It'll get easier." I hope, I added silently.
My phone buzzed, alerting me to a text. I miss you already. I read.
I miss you, too.God, this brings back memories. I smiled. I turned my attention back to Caitlyn, though, waiting for her to let everything out.
"Last night… he was pouring his heart out, and I just… I couldn't handle it. I just shut down. I forced my feelings away and focused on everything else. He was telling me all the things he was looking forward to. I could only nod and say that's nice. And oh my god, saying good-bye… That was the worst feeling in my life. You'd think it'd get easier the more we do it. But it doesn't. It only gets harder, because you know what's to come and you imagine all of the curveballs that are going to come and try to tear you apart. God, Mitchie." She started crying hysterically. I comforted her the best I could, my own tears falling. We ended up falling asleep on her bed, tears covering our faces.
I woke up a few hours later to a few text messages. Yeah I know. Unfortunately it's not so easy anymore. The first read. Mitchie? You there baby? He sent a little after that. Well, call me later, okay? He asked.
He answered on the first ring. I was in the hallway, not wanting to wake Caitlyn up. "Hey, pop star." I said softly.
"Hey, baby." He said back. "Cait break down?" He asked knowingly.
"Yeah. She couldn't handle it last night and just pushed it the side. It all hit just after you guys left. Mom and Dad didn't stay too long, knowing it wasn't going to take too long for us to break down."
"Us?" He questioned.
"I cried hysterically." I replied honestly.
I heard him laughing. "I pulled over about 10 minutes back on the road. 3 crying 20 year old guys is a funny sight, I think." He admitted.
"Well, as much I want to talk to you, I'm exhausted. But we need to eat, so I'm going to wake Caitlyn up and go get food." That was a lie. It just hurt too much talking to him.
"Yeah. I'm hungry, too." He replied knowingly. Little did we know that would become our code.
"Good night, Shane. I love you."
"I love you, too, baby." He replied. I closed the phone first, knowing he wouldn't.
I felt another set of tears beginning to start as I leaned my head against the wall, clutching my phone tightly to my chest.
Tear. So sad. But yet, don't forget to check out the CR awards.