WARNINGS: Heavy topics implied (Suicide, child abuse) but nothing graphic, adult content, one almost swat.
Lots of discussions and dialogue so not much action in this chapter. More action in later chapters.
Chapter dedicated to Mel, who loves to see the three brothers together.
Please review. I try to answer everyone but cannot respond to guests so thank you to all. The reviews really mean a lot.
"No more questions? Really?" Norman asked, looking a little disappointed.
Edgar just shook his head from side to side. He still had questions but they could wait until another time.
"I think we're done with THOSE questions for the evening, Norman," Sig said, recovering quickly from the painful memories of his first and only love.
Drinking his ice water and putting the glass in the sink, Sig sat back down at the table. "Just…one more thing, kid," Sig added, noticing his tea had gone cold.
"Sig, if you tell him one more time to wait until he's older…" Norman grumbled.
Sig huffed, turning to face his younger brother, 'What? What'ch gonna do, tough guy?"
Norman gave him a glance out of the corner of his eye, but backed down.
Looking back at Edgar, Sig sighed, "Ok, I flaked out a little on this conversation. I know that. It's just a little harder than I thought, being the 'parent' and the big brother at the same time."
Edgar face fell slightly but he nodded, "I understand." I know you love me, either way. I'll never forget it.
"I just don't want to see you get hurt or get into some kind of trouble," Sig said, giving the kid his best smile. "I'm not doing a great job with this but, in the future, if you ever have any questions, please come talk to one of us. I'll try to do better next time."
Norman added quickly, pointing over at his younger brother "And don't believe those guys at school, either. They have no idea what they're talking about."
Sig nodded his agreement to that statement. "Norman is definitely right. Just ask one of us. It doesn't matter who, just whichever one of us you're comfortable with."
Edgar gave his oldest brother a smile. He knew what Sig was implying. You think I'm uncomfortable coming to you with this stuff now, but I'm not. And you're feeling a little jealous that'd I'd rather talk to Norm. "I'll ask whichever one of you I see first. Because it really doesn't matter who, I feel comfortable with the BOTH of you."
Sig was vastly relieved that he hadn't pushed his youngest brother away by his unexpected 'paternal' feelings. Maybe I'd feel protective either way, whether I'm the big brother or the guardian. I'm still the older, male relative in his life that loves him and wants what is best for him.
"Good, cause we'll always be here for you, Edgar. And that's the MOST important thing of all," Sig said, sliding his hand across the table and placing it flat in front of his youngest brother. The class ring glittered under the overhead light in the kitchen.
Edgar put his right hand to top of his brother's, just resting it there gently and noticing how much smaller his hand was compared to Sig's.
Sig smiled all the way to his blue eyes.
Norman laughed, reached over and put his right hand on top of both hands, making a stack on the table. "Always, kid," Norman said with a smile. Pausing for a second, he added, "The same blood that runs in our veins runs in yours. Nothing can ever change that."
Sig and Edgar looked at each other, eyes wide at their brother's profound statement. It was true, of course, but neither one of them ever imagined Norman coming out with something like that.
Sig placed his left hand over Norman's, completing the stack and gave his brother's hand a squeeze. Turning to look at Norman, Sig said, "Wow, Norm. Getting kinda of deep, there, huh?"
Norman pulled his hand back quickly, his face turning a little red. "Whatever," he bristled, "I'm gonna work out in the basement for a while. Surprisingly, I have some energy to burn off."
With that, Norman scuffled off into the basement, leaving his brothers sitting at the table.
Sig and Edgar looked at each other for a minute or two. Your blood runs in my veins. Forever connected.
"Want to watch The Love Boat? Comes on in like, five minutes, I think?" Sig asked quickly, trying to move past the heaviness of the conversation. Too much discussed for one night. Let's move on to something else. Except something is still really bothering me. And I'm gonna have to ask this kid about it or else I'll never sleep again. What exactly happened down at the Shack? I'm scared to death to know but I feel like I have too. Am I hoping in vain that I'm worried for nothing? He's my little brother. I have to know.
Edgar shook his head at the offer. He hated The Love Boat. It reminded him too much of his mother. Too many times he watched that show with her while his brothers were off with their friends, enjoying their Saturday nights.
Coming up with an alternative wasn't difficult. "Can we play poker?" Edgar asked hopefully.
"Sure, kid," Sig said, standing up to clean out the mugs of tea, "Although I'm getting a little worried you're becoming too good at it."
"I'll do that," Edgar said, reading his brother's actions to clean off the table.
Edgar grabbed his mug and walked over to the sink. Drinking the tea in two gulps, Edgar washed out his cup and put it on the drying rack. Then he turned around, taking both Sig's untouched mug and Norman's empty one and repeated the process. "Do you not like tea, Sig?" Edgar asked absentmindedly as he washed the dishes.
Since Sig was standing anyway, he walked over and got the cards out of the drawer. Sitting back down, he began shuffling the deck. "Not really, although Norman just assumes everyone loves it as much as he does," Sig answered, absentmindedly mixing up the cards.
A minute later, his youngest brother suddenly appeared by his side, silently standing next to him. A twenty dollar bill was in Edgar's hand and he offered it to his oldest brother with a slight push.
Sig looked up at the green eyes, "What's this for?"
"I'm paying you back. I said I would. Norman gave me money for working at the hardware store, although he really didn't have too. I like going with him and helping out," Edgar explained quietly, wanting his brother to know for certain the money was achieved honestly.
Sig turned to face his brother, putting his hand over the money and pushing it back towards Edgar. "Edgar, this is way more than you owe me. Not that I really think you owe me anything anyway. Keep it," Sig said gently, still holding on to his brother's hand.
Edgar pushed the money back towards his brother, holding his ground and his firm stance.
"Are you being defiant with me now?" Sig asked, although there was absolutely no authority in his voice, only a glimpse of humor.
Edgar cocked his eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips.
That particular motion and facial expression caused Sig to lose his breath for a moment. For him, despite the differences in eye and hair color, it was like looking in a mirror at a younger version of himself. Same blood.
Grabbing the money, his youngest brother's hand with it, Sig pulled Edgar onto his lap.
"Fine, I'll keep what you owe me. The rest goes into your savings account. Deal?" Sig asked. Ok, one little white lie won't hurt. It's ALL going into your savings account.
"Deal," Edgar agreed, feeling better about paying back his debt.
Sig took the money and, holding onto his brother with his left arm, stuck the twenty in his back pocket.
"Wanna play now? Or are you scared I'll kick your butt?" Edgar asked with a laugh, trying to get off his brother's lap.
Sig's only response was to put both arms around his brother and hold him close to his chest.
Edgar was slightly confused by the unexpected protective action and the turn of mood. Can't I still joke around with you?
"In a minute," Sig said quietly, "There's something…I need to ask you about."
"No, I've never been with a girl. Yes, I'll wait until I'm older," Edgar said, looking up at his brother with a wicked smile. Ok, I'm still gonna joke around with you because you'll always be my brother first, guardian of my life second.
God, sometimes he looks exactly like me. Other times, it's like having a younger version of Norman around the house. "Smart ass," Sig hissed in his brother's ear, "But I'm glad to hear both answers anyway."
Edgar rubbed his cheek against his brother's shoulder, relaxing that Sig wasn't mad about the teasing. I am waiting until I'm older – you didn't even need to tell me that.
"See, I was listening," Edgar said quietly.
"Well, that's a first," Sig said with a laugh.
Edgar gave him a playful shove, "Hey, I listen…most of the time."
"I know," Sig said reassuringly, his voice turning serious, "I was making a joke, a poor one at that, too. You're the best, kid. I mean that."
Putting his arms around his brother's neck, Edgar whispered softly, "I love you, Sig."
The words still hadn't lost their effect. Sig felt like he could hear them a thousand times and his heart would clench each and every time they were uttered.
Tightening his hold, Sig whispered back, "I love you, too, Edgar. Very much. That's why…I have to ask you something. And I really need you to be honest with me."
"Ok," Edgar said, his voice muffled by his brother's shirt.
Sig was quiet. Edgar sensed the hesitation. The rain kept pouring down the outside of the kitchen window. Only the sound of the rain and dumbbells hitting the basement floor could be heard throughout the house. When the grandfather clock struck nine times, nine chimes were added to the sounds inside the house.
This must be a big question, Edgar thought, and the more you wait, the more nervous I get.
Edgar nudged his brother by putting his nose into Sig's neck
Sig sighed. Waiting was only making it worse. Finding his voice, he asked hoarsely, "Down at the Shack…"
Edgar froze, his entire body tensing at the name of that place coming from his brother's lips. Please, Sig, please don't ask me about that place. I'm so sorry I brought it up at all when we were talking earlier about sex.
Sig felt the tension. Thinking his brother was nervous or frightened by bad memories, Sig reached up and stroked his brother's soft hair. "Did anyone ever…" Sig started, and then stopped, not wanting to even think about this.
After a few seconds of listening to the rain, Edgar said quietly, "You can ask me anything you want, Sig. Remember?"
Sig lifted his brother closer to him, raising him on his knees. He buried his face into Edgar's shirt, listening to the heartbeat coming from the small chest. "I don't know how to ask you this," Sig said in a breathless whisper.
Edgar ran his hand over the blond hair, twisting the strands that were almost long enough to curl. He just patiently waited for the question.
Finally, Sig asked in an almost inaudible whisper, "Did anyone ever…hurt you…while you were hanging out down there?" A thirteen-year-old kid, young and innocent, could have been the target for almost anything or anyone at the Shack. God only knows who hangs out there; criminals, losers, dregs of society…perverts.
Something about the way his brother said the word 'hurt' made Edgar wonder what exactly Sig was talking about because it seemed like he meant more than just 'hurt.' Not really knowing how to answer the question, Edgar reassured his brother the best that he could. "No, Sig," he said quietly, "No one hurt me. They were mean and sometimes they made me do stuff I didn't like but…"
Sig hold grew tighter, "Like what stuff, Edgar?" he asked into his brother's chest. Jesus, God, please – what stuff did they make you do?
"Stupid stuff, like drink too much or dumb stunts on my bike. Just stuff like that," Edgar said honestly.
Thank you God. Thank you for not making it worse than that because it could have been. A lot worse.
"Did they ever…hit you?"
A long pause. And no answer.
Sig's heart almost stopped beating. It actually may have for a second. Oh my God, I can't take this.
After a minute, Sig pulled away from his brother and looked him straight in the eye. Edgar was shocked by the look in those blue eyes. Hatred.
Sig swallowed hard, his mouth twitching slightly and his jaw muscle flexed. "I never thought I'd have it in me to seriously hurt someone but…I swear to God…if any adult lays a hand on you or hurts you…I'll ki…" Sig said, his voice deadly quiet.
Edgar quickly put his hand over his brother's mouth, stopping him. "No, don't say it. It's a sin, Sig. To even think it is a sin," Edgar said, reprimanding his brother and shaking his head. This is why I will never tell you what I'm up too. You're not going to jail because you were trying to protect me.
Sig closed his eyes and Edgar removed his hand over his brother's mouth.
"I'm ok, Sig. No one hurt me," Edgar said softly, just trying desperately to get his brother to calm down. He wasn't even sure what he was saying but he would have said almost anything to appease his brother. Snuggling up against his brother's chest, Edgar rubbed his face against the fabric of his shirt. See, I'm fine. I'm here, with you. Nothing can hurt me.
"It's my fault," Sig whispered, his eyes still closed. It was not possible for him to hold his brother any tighter.
"No, it's not."
"It is," Sig whispered, his voice choking, "You should have never been down there in the first place. I should have been home after mom died. I should have been here for you."
"You're here now."
"I'll never let them hurt you ever again." Sig's voice held so much emotion, he didn't even sound like himself anymore.
"I know." I'll never them hurt YOU…or Norman.
"I really need a smoke, Edgar," Sig confessed, finally opening his eyes.
Edgar smiled at the admission. "How about popcorn instead?"
"Ummm, I don't think it will have the same effect but…sure, what the heck," Sig said, giving his brother one last tight squeeze before releasing him off his lap.
An hour later, Norman came bounding up the stairs, sweaty and out of breath. He found his brothers in a heated game of poker, popcorn spread out all over the table. Heading over to the refrigerator, he pulled out the carton of milk and started drinking right out of the container.
"Jesus, Norm, get a glass, will ya?" Sig griped, losing miserably at the game and getting tired fast. He hadn't slept well the night before and his head was starting to hurt again.
Edgar was as happy as a clam, raking in his fair share of popcorn and just being with his big brothers. I like it when you're home on Saturday nights. Maybe I should feel guilty about that.
Norman put the carton down and wiped the milk mustache off his face with the back of his hand, making sure to add an overly loud "Ahhh" just to annoy his older brother. Grabbing two glasses, he filled both up with cold milk. Setting one down in front of Edgar, Norman mumbled, "It's good for you. Drink it."
Edgar raised an eye to Sig for help. Instead, Sig nodded his agreement with Norman, tipping his head in the direction of the glass and then back to Edgar.
"Ow, I hate milk, Sig," Edgar whined, putting his cards face down on the table.
Norman sat next to Edgar, pushing the glass closer to his brother. "How else are you gonna get big and strong…" Norman said, bending his arm muscle and flexing his bicep, "….like me, little brother."
"Or tall," Sig said, sitting up straight to show off his full height, "…like me."
"Can't I just take some vitamins or something?' Edgar asked, not impressed with the shows of strength or height being offered.
Sig slumped back down and gave Edgar a look. "Drink the milk, Edgar," was said softly with just a bit of authority.
Gosh, you'd think hanging out with your brothers would be a barrel of monkeys all the time. But no, I have mother hens for brothers. "Can I at least have chocolate?" Edgar asked, finally accepting the fact that the milk was going to be consumed, one way or the other.
"Great idea," Norman confirmed, heading to the pantry and grabbing the Hershey's chocolate syrup. A few squirts and a spoon-stirring later, both Norman and Edgar had chocolate milk.
"What about you, big brother?" Edgar asked, a little annoyed he was still going to be treated like a child at times.
"I'm going to bed, kid," Sig said, putting his cards down and standing up. I hate milk, too, but I ain't about to tell you that. One hypocrite after another, that's me.
As Sig stretched, Edgar whined and pleaded for him to continue the game. It seemed that Edgar never got enough of hanging out with him.
"You're going to bed soon, too…so no whining," Sig said as he made his way around the table. "We'll play again tomorrow, ok?" Sig asked as he ruffled his youngest brother's hair. He sort of wanted to lean over and kiss the top of Edgar's head, like their mom had always done, but he stopped himself. Maybe that's too much affection between guys and Edgar probably won't appreciate the reminder of mom.
"Goodnight, kid," Sig said softly. Turning towards Norman, he put his hand on his brother's shoulder and left it there for just two long seconds. Thanks for saving my ass today, again. Between the headache outburst, the harrowing drive home in the rain, dinner and pulling out a half-way decent conversation with the kid on sex while I totally flaked out, I've never been more grateful to have you in my life. I seem to be thinking that a lot lately. "Goodnight, tough guy," was all Sig finally said and then headed up the stairs.
"Get a real car," Norman mumbled under his breath but loud enough for his brother to hear him. Even though the hand on his shoulder was no longer there, he could still feel the contact. And he got the message from it. You're welcome.
"Poker?" Edgar asked Norman hopefully, pointing to the cards.
"Shower…and then bed," Norman responded, pointing to himself.
Edgar pouted at the table. Norman put the cards away and locked the back door. Cleaning up the milk glasses and popcorn, Norman turned out the light in the kitchen and ignored his brother, who was now sitting in the dark.
Norman walked out to the living room and waited at the bottom of the steps. Less than a minute later, a little brother was close at his side.
Coming out of the bathroom dripping wet, Norman checked in on his youngest brother. Edgar's bedroom door was open and the light was on. Edgar was lying on his belly across his bed, reading a book. He had changed into sleep pants and one of Sig's old shirts.
"Did you brush your teeth?" Norman asked, a towel wrapped around his waist, but otherwise buck-naked. Although he was not invited, Norman came into the room and posed in front of Edgar's full-length mirror. Admiring his muscles was one of his favorite activites.
Edgar almost laughed at the action. "No, how could I brush my teeth with you hogging up the bathroom?" he asked, adding, "Geez, put a shirt on, Norm."
Norman turned around to face his brother. Making each chest muscle bounce up and down, alternating one side at a time, he asked, "What? Jealous?"
Edgar put his book down and slid off the bed. Rolling his eyes at his brother, he said. "No, that's just gross," as he headed into the bathroom.
Norman waited to hear the sink water start running before going to his own room. Finding a pair of soft, cotton sleep pants and an old shirt, he dried off and changed quickly. Towel-drying his short hair, Norman tossed the towel in the hamper on his way back to Edgar's room.
Edgar was still in the bathroom, getting ready for bed. Hearing the toilet flush and the water running again, Norman helped himself to Edgar's bed. He picked up the book Edgar left open and started reading. Norman had read The Outsiders more times than he could count and he was pleased his youngest brother was now reading it. Perhaps they could talk about it someday.
The youngest Hansen returned to his room and found his older brother in the exact same position he had been in when before he went to brush his teeth. "You gonna jump in my grave that quick, too?" Edgar asked, folding his arms in front of him. Wow, I sounded a little like dad there.
"Sig asleep?" Norman asked, ignoring the question and not looking up from the book.
Edgar leaned back and looked down the hallway. Sig's door was closed.
"I guess so. Door's closed and the lights are out. Why?" Edgar asked.
"Close the door," Norman said quietly, still not looking up.
Edgar did as he was told, wondering what was going on. Climbing back onto the bed and over his brother, Edgar sat on the bed and leaned against the wall. His legs were stretched over his brother's lower back like a foot rest.
Closing the book and letting it drop to the floor, Norman folded his arms in front of him and rested his cheek on his forearm. Looking at Edgar sitting against the wall, Norman spoke softly but clearly, "Don't ever bring up Sara again. Around Sig, I mean. Just don't mention her anymore, ok?"
Edgar looked horrified, like he had just made a giant mistake and unintentionally hurt his oldest brother. Stuttering, he said, "I..I…didn't mean anything, Norm."
"Oh, I know that…and so does he," Norman said quietly, saddened by the hurt look on his brother's face. Still, there were things this kid didn't know about. Shit, there are things I wish I didn't know about. Like that straight razor I found under Sig's bed the night after she left him. I knew what it was there for and I confronted him about it. We almost beat the shit out of each other. And then he broke down crying. And, afterwards, he never talked about her again. But I can't tell you this stuff because you're too young. This burden I carry with me….all alone.
"I didn't mean to hurt him," Edgar whispered, "I just don't know what happened. I really liked her. What happened with them, anyway? No one ever told me."
How do you explain this to a kid? Trying his best, Norman spoke softly, "Well, he loved her, that's for sure. Maybe he still does, God knows why. Maybe she loved him, too. She sure as hell…excuse me, heck…acted like it."
"So why'd they break up then?" Edgar asked.
Norman sighed, playing with the hem of his shelve. "She was never gonna settle for being a fisherman's wife, I guess. She felt like she was…above…something like that. And she broke up with him. After three years, she just told him she wasn't in love with him anymore. He was…devastated," Norman explained, staring hard for a reaction from his youngest brother. He didn't have to wait long.
Edgar's eyes filled up with tears almost immediately. "Why? Why did she hurt him like that…if she loved him," he whispered, looking at his bedroom door like he could see through it and into his oldest brother's room.
"It's a hard life, Edgar. Not many girls choose to have husbands that are gone all the time, leaving them home alone to take care of everything," Norman said quietly.
"Mom did," Edgar said in a whisper, controlling the tears and pushing them back down.
"Yes, she did, didn't she?" Norman asked, "Must have meant that she really loved dad to do that. And us too."
"Is that why you're staying home and going to college? For Amanda?" Edgar asked, brushing off a tear from his cheek.
"Part of it," Norman smiled. Wiggling his back to make Edgar's legs shake, Norman indicated, in his own way, that Edgar also played a part in his decision to stay home after graduation.
Edgar got the message and smiled. "Don't stay for me, Norman," he said, cocking his head to the side. "I can take care of myself."
Yeah, right. Nice try, kid. Not wanting his younger brother to feel guilty, Norman shared the truth, "The bottom line is I don't want that life. For me or my family. So, there are lots of reasons for me to stay. I thought about it a lot and I know I'm making the right decision, for my current family and for my future family. That's the God's honest truth."
Edgar nodded his head, relieved in part because Norman's decision wasn't just for his sake. "I won't mention her again…Sara, I mean," Edgar said quietly.
"Good…And I AM really sorry, Edgar, about what you saw tonight," Norman said, burying his face in his crossed arms.
Edgar just shrugged. "I've seen your naked butt before, Norman," Edgar explained, pushing his brother slightly with his feet. Norman looked up and smiled. With a dreamy look, Edgar added, "But her long legs, well, that was a sight for…."
Jumping up, Norman grabbed Edgar by both legs and dragged him off the bed. Edgar had nothing to hold onto so he went sliding to the floor, feet first. Norman picked him up over his shoulder and left him dangling there, feet and hands swinging wildly.
"My girlfriend's legs are none of your business, little brother. You just forget you ever saw anything," Norman said flatly, showing no emotion. Norman was extremely tempted to give one firm, hard swat to the backside dangling over his shoulder but he stopped that thought before it even finished in his head. One, I think I'm mad, Two, not my place, Three, kid doesn't know what he's saying. Four, NOT MY PLACE.
Edgar really couldn't tell if Norman was joking around or being serious. He knew Norman would never really hurt him so he guessed Norm was being funny. "Well," Edgar said, trying to lift himself off his brother's shoulder, "She does really have nice legs."
Norman dropped his brother back down to the mattress, letting Edgar sit on the edge. Kneeling on the floor, Norman stared at his brother with serious blue eyes. "Don't ever be disrespectful like that again. It's not gentlemanly. And you WILL grow up to be a gentleman, Edgar. Hear?" Norman said softly, finally honing in on Sig's tone of authority with success. It came out so naturally, Norman was even shocked by it.
Edgar's eye grew wide at the scolding. "But you and Sig talk about girls. I've heard you guys talking about things when you thought I wasn't listening," Edgar said, trying to defend himself and keep from crying. Why can't I be one of the guys?
Norman sighed and shook his head, "Here's the rule on that, little brother. No guy, brother or otherwise, should ever talk about another guy's girl like that. Other girls or past girlfriends are ok but not current girlfriends or wives…or moms. That's just a line you don't cross. Does that make sense?"
Edgar nodded his head slowly, "Yes, sir."
"OH NO, do NOT start that with me…no freaking way, Edgar," Norman said, running his hand over his brother's cheek. "I don't ever want to hear THAT come out of your mouth when you're referring to me."
"Sorry," Edgar whispered, his hands shaking slightly, "You sounded just like Sig for a minute."
"Well, I am related to him," Norman said with a grin. Seeing the kid was getting upset, Norman sat on the bed and put his arm around his brother's shoulder. "Ok, I think we've had enough tonight, don't you?"
Edgar wiggled away from his brother's touch. Tossing himself down on the bed, he curled into a tight ball, facing the wall of his room. Lifting his head, he grabbed blindly for his pillow and settled himself down on the softness. "You mad at me?" he whispered.
Norman could tell the kid was crying. Getting up to shut off the light, he heard his younger brother sniffle, probably thinking that Norman was getting up to leave. The light extinguished, Edgar felt his brother's large frame taking up most of the bed. A large arm reached around his side and pulled him close.
Edgar gave into the tears that had been building all night. Between the embarrassment of Amanda's house, the heavy discussions in the kitchen, memories of the Shack and Norman's obvious displeasure about Sara, Amanda and being called 'sir," Edgar just finally broke. Mostly he was sad about how hurt his oldest brother had been when Sara left. I never even realized it back then. He must have hid it really well and suffered alone in silence. I can't stand the thought of him suffering alone.
Norman let the kid cry for a time, just holding him close to his chest, Edgar's back to him. The kid was trembling and Norman wisely sensed that there was a lot more going on in Edgar's mind than just the mild scolding he'd given him. After a while, he whispered, "I'm not mad, Edgar. So please stop crying."
"Sig," was all Edgar could mumble through the tears.
"Sig's fine. He got over it. Well, mostly."
Edgar sniffled softly, "Was he all alone? When he was hurting?"
"No…he wasn't alone," Norman tightened his arm around his brother and stroked the tears off his cheeks. Lightening flashed and lit up the dark room.
"You?"
"Of course."
"You always do everything right."
Norman gave a hearty laugh. "You've got to be kidding. Have you looked at the refrigerator door lately, kid?" he asked in the darkness.
"I feel like everything I do is wrong," Edgar said between soft sobs.
"Tell me. What did you do wrong?" Norman asked softly, "Start from the beginning."
"Amanda's house."
"My fault, not yours…next."
"Talking about Sara."
"You had no idea…next."
"Sex talk."
"Bound to happen one way or the other…next."
"Sig blames himself for me hanging out at the Shack back when I was being bad. He blames himself for what happened down there," Edgar said brokenly, his tears coming in soft waves.
Norman sighed, "We both do. And we have made some major changes in this house to see that it never happens again. And, I for one, like the changes. I like hugging you. I like telling you I love you. I've wanted to do these things all my life but never felt like it was ok. Now, I don't care if it's 'less manly' of me or not. As a matter of fact, I don't give a shit, excuse the language…so…something really good came out of all that bad…move on…next."
Edgar whispered, "I was disrespectful to you and your girlfriend. I'm sorry, Norman. I didn't mean it to come out like that."
"You didn't know the cardinal rule of 'guy talk'. Now you do….next."
Edgar hesitated. Finally, he whispered, "I called you something you didn't like. But I do respect you, just as much as Sig."
"Thank you. It means something to me, really, it does. But I'm just not ok with that, with being called that. I don't want that kind of relationship between you and me. I'm just your older brother and I guess that should come with some kind of respect but not to that level. Sig should have that kind of respect because he's in charge. He's the one that makes the big decisions, pays the bills (don't you dare told him I told you that) and has to do the punishing when needed. So, 'sir' seems fitting for him, at times, anyway," Norman finished his little speech by interlacing his hand with his brother's. "I'm not mad,Edgar. Sorry if I was a little harsh with you. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I'm just trying to do right by you."
"You are, Norman," Edgar answered. "Hey, thanks for taking me with you tonight. I did have fun, even if we didn't go to the movies." Edgar's tears started to abate and his breathing became calm and even.
"You like Sally?" Norman asked quietly.
"She's so quiet."
"Then she's perfect for you…cause you never shut up," Norman said with a squeeze, "Come on, kid. I'm tired."
"So go to sleep."
"You have to let go of my hand."
"Why?"
"So I can leave."
"If I told you that I wanted you to stay, would you think I was being a baby?"
"Because of the storm?"
"Whatever excuse you want to come up with is fine with me. I could always say I had a nightmare."
"What's the real reason?"
"Norman, can you promise me something?"
"I'll try. What am I promising?"
"Promise me that if Sig ever tries to do something stupid, you'll stop him."
I already did so that's easy enough. "Yes, promise. Why?" Norman asked with suspicion in his voice. Sig wasn't exactly known for doing stupid things. Except for whatever he planned to do with that razor last fall.
"No reason. Just…look out for him."
"You don't have to ask me to do that, Edgar. I always do…for the both of you."
"Then stay…you'll be looking out for me."
Norman detached his hand from his brothers but stayed, rubbing his brother's shoulder gently till the kid fell asleep. We can't keep doing this. Dad would never tolerate this kind of love and affection between his sons. He'd flip his lid if he found out we slept next to each other or held each other when we cry. Hell, he'd flip if he knew how much we seem to cry all the time. When he comes home, we'll have to go back to being stoic and unloving, pretending like we don't care. And I'm scared this kid is gonna fall apart when that happens. Shit, I may even fall apart.
Norman rolled over to the other side of the bed, grasping the pillow for comfort and trying not to think about what was going to happen when the summer came to a close.