Chapter Twenty Five - Weight of the World

Valleree's plan to "prepare" me for Maxon's return was simply this: I needed to mourn and get it (mostly) out of my system, and I needed to relax so that at least one of us would be calm - and we all knew that the calm one would not be Maxon.

When Valleree asked if there was any way we could see Queen Amberly's body to say good-bye (it sounded creepy, but I knew that I would never get a chance at the funeral - I was too low a rank), Chelsey looked like she might burst into tears before she composed herself.

"Sorry, but Maxon ordered that no one see her until he comes." I took a sharp intake of breath at his name, not used to it being thrown around so casually. Before, Maxon's name made everyone too tense for it to be spoken frequently. And even when it was spoken, it was always "His Majesty" or "King Maxon". It was almost like he was close - and, I guessed, he probably would be soon. Tomorrow night, Maxon was coming back. And three days after, Queen Amberly's funeral would occur.

Out of all the reasons I had hoped and prayed he would return to the Palace - and to me-, I would never have imagined that he would come back because of this.

Although I didn't get to say a final good-bye to Queen Amberly (not that I wanted to - it was too painful to think about), I did manage to at least clear my mind - and my conscience.

Keahnna, joining Valleree and me on our "trip of relaxation" - as Valleree insisted it be called -, kindly offered for her chauffeur to take us to the city to get a spa treatment. I tried to argue that it wouldn't be right, doing something so frivolous right after a death - and Queen Amberly's death of all people-, but Valleree put her foot down.

"It's not frivolous if it's for your better well-being," she had stubbornly argued, and even though it hurt that she considered me so fragile, I knew I needed to relax. I still felt constantly anxious and nervous. I knew where this path would take me - it was just as how I had been when Aspen had died. I didn't want to build my walls up again even stronger, so I relented.

And that was how I found myself at an Angeles Spa getting the "premium package" courtesy of Valleree and Keahnna's seemingly bottomless purses.

A young woman with warm, dark skin and curly hair came told me that she would be helping me. Flashing me a bright white smile, she started to walk into a room, expecting me to follow.

Irrational panic seized me. What if I left Valleree and Keahnna and something happened to them? I couldn't lose someone else.

Grabbing Valleree's arm spasmodically, I looked for some kind of support. She shot me a concerned glance, and could immediately tell what was wrong. Carefully, she took my hand off her arm and quietly told the young woman - Ashely, her name tag said - something under her breath. Ashely gave me a warm smile.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, you're going to see them as soon as you receive your massage." Her voice was warm and smooth like honey, and I swallowed thickly before biting my lip and bracing myself.

I was overreacting. I knew that. So I forced myself to follow Ashely into a room which was luckily warm, homey, and open. After lying on the table, Ashely began to massage my back comfortingly.

Almost instantly I felt myself relax. I'd never had a massage before - could never really afford it-, but it was absolute bliss. After a few minutes, when I was starting to drift off to sleep, Ashely spoke.

"So, how long has your man been in New Asia?"

My eyes snapped open, and she could tell I felt tense because she gently pressed on my back until I relaxed.

"It's okay," Ashely laughed. "I know it's hard - my husband's fighting there too." I didn't say anything, so she kept going, continuing to soothingly rub circles into my back. "He got drafted right after we married," she added, slight pain in her voice.

Suddenly everything made sense, and I relaxed. Valleree had told Ashely that my boyfriend - husband, significant other, whatever - was gone in New Asia, and that I was anxious for his return. I couldn't help but smile slightly at my friend's cleverness, but Ashely's warm voice brought me back to the present.

"But he just sent me a letter, and he's going to be released soon." I could hear the grin in her voice. "We're actually hoping we could start a family… do you have any kids, honey?"

I paused, then nodded a little, warmth filling my body when I thought of my daughter Adelynne. She probably had no idea that her mother was so lost and heartbroken, and my mother probably wouldn't know either. Queen Amberly's death had only recently been announced publicly. (And although no one actually mentioned it, everyone noticed the doubled number of guards. At first I didn't understand why, but then I realized - the public could potentially be so devastated by Queen Amberly's death that they attacked the Palace. Although it was highly unlikely, it still made me feel scared. With such a loved leader dead, what would happen?)

"That's wonderful," Ashely commented happily. There was a pause until she said softly, "My brother was drafted as well." I didn't stop her, so she kept talking. And I understood. There was always something comforting about just telling a stranger your problems. After all, who was I going to tell? All I could do was listen.

Sometimes, that was the best favor you could do for someone.

"I didn't get to go to his funeral," she said as she pressed slightly harder on my back. I winced, not from pain, but from sympathy. "I don't even know if they found a body…" her voice trailed off. "Anyway, whoever close to you died, you just have to keep hope-"

I was so surprised that I made a move to get up, cutting her off, but she gently pushed me back down. "Relax, honey. I'm very good at reading people." I could hear the small, sad smile in her voice. "I can tell… you've experienced a death."

I was both amazed and spooked that she could tell so much about me, but as she pressed soothing circles into my back, I allowed myself to relax again.

"Just… stay happy, okay?" She told me. "Whoever you love who died… they would want you to be happy, right?" Yes. "Of course it's hard to stay happy without them, but sometimes…" she paused.

"That's a part of life." She said finally. "Even if we don't like it, we have to learn to live without them." She gently squeezed my shoulders, and my eyes teared up. How was this complete stranger so kind to me? How did she seem to understand life so well?

"And living," she giggled, "includes laughing, smiling, being happy… Live life to the fullest, honey." She ended sweetly, but said no more on the subject. I sniffed quietly, surprised at how emotional I was getting. It was nice that someone who didn't even know me, didn't know what I had gone through, was still comforting me. It reminded me that even when life is dark, there are always people who can provide a little light.

For the rest of the day, she didn't say anything else personal or deep - and that was okay. I guessed that there was a certain limit to how much she could talk with a client, but I was grateful for what she had said, no matter how little. It made me feel better. She helped me realize that, yes, life was hard. But no matter how much I suffered, I needed to remember that other people suffered too. I should be thankful for everything I had - my family, my friends, Adelynne, Maxon.

A weight felt like it had been lifted off my shoulders, and that meant the world.

After the spa, Valleree, Keahnna, and I returned to the Palace. Although everyone was still sad about the Queen's death, there was a buzz in the air that I could only attribute to Maxon's upcoming arrival. Especially now that I felt like almost a new person, I could finally feel excited. I would see him again. After so long, I would see him again.

Now, Keahnna seemed more anxious about Maxon's return than me. She kept insisting that Maxon would be angry at her since she was the only witness of his mother's death.

"Maxon will be too sad to be angry," I tried to console her, but then I realized that only made her feel worse. Still, I shared similar worries with Keahnna. I felt so selfish, thinking about the fact that, at least for awhile, Maxon would honestly be too depressed to even think about me - us. The two most important women in his life had been ripped away from him in the last year. Even though it made me ache to think about the pain he was in, I couldn't help but hope that it would get better soon. Then we could be happy with each other.

Despite Valleree's and my work to distract and relax myself the day before, the next morning it seemed I felt even worse than usual. My emotions were all out of whack, and just the mention of one of my passed loved ones made me cry. Maxon's return was only making me more anxious. The love of my life was coming back with me, and meanwhile, I was a mess of emotions. An incomplete, broken America. Who would want me?

Valleree, unfortunately, was unable to console or even be there for me.

"I have to interview tons of people," she sighed when I asked if she wanted to go out for a little while before I was scheduled to return to my job with Chase (I'd already skipped a few days, and besides, I missed him). "With Maxon's return, the public is anxious for any drama, secrets…" she explained. I didn't hide my disappointment well, and she gave me an apologetic smile.

"Why don't you ask Keahnna? She was talking about visiting the city before Maxon comes back."

I stared at her. "She's going to the spa again?"

That made her laugh. "You do realize there's more to do in the city than just go to a spa, right?" She asked amusedly. I shrugged.

"I don't go to the city. But okay. I'll have to bring Chase, though, so we might just have to go to town."

Valleree's eyes lit up, and then she pouted. "Aw, now I really wish I could come! There's this bakery that sells the absolute best strawberry tarts!" Her eyes closed as she thought of the sweet pastries.

"Near the fountain? Yeah, I bet Chase will like that." My lips quirked up despite myself.

Valleree gave me a quick hug and a smile before saying good-bye to go off and do her job.

As I walked up to the Royal Chambers to pick up Chase, I felt strangely peaceful. Maybe it was the relaxing day I had gone through yesterday. Maybe it was the knowledge of Maxon's return that afternoon. Maybe it was the fact that I had gotten time to mourn with Valleree last night - she and I had convinced Chelsey to have a sleepover in Valleree's room (at this rate, soon I would be so accustomed to Valleree's room that it would be weird to sleep in my own). It was nice because we both knew that Chelsey had kept all of her emotions inside after the day Queen Amberly passed. We all cried together, and then laughed, and cried some more. It was sort of like a good-bye. An end of an era, but for me, it was the beginning of a new part of my life.

I just wasn't sure if it would be for better or for worse.

Keahnna seemed oddly subdued as we headed into town (it was on the outskirts of the city, with less people and a more friendly vibe; it felt safer since I had Chase). It was fine, though. I felt a little tired, and Chase kept me on my toes as usual, as he was just starting to toddle around.

I was surprised that I was allowed to go around town at all. What with the extra security and all, I thought I would have a whole entourage with the Prince. Luckily, when I stubbornly refused to back down from leaving the Palace, the head guard had reluctantly given me permission to go. (It also helped when Keahnna fluttered her eyes as well - she's a huge favorite among the guards at the Palace.)

Of course, we weren't totally unprotected. He had snapped clanky metal bracelets onto Keahnna's, Chase's, and my wrists as we left, and if Chase was ever more than five feet away from one of us, the bracelets would activate and alert the guards surrounding the town's perimeter (hiding, of course) that there was danger. Luckily the bracelets remained pretty regular looking (if a metal band around your wrist is considered regular), and it didn't beep or turn on its tracking device unless, again, Chase's bracelet was separated from one of the other bracelets. Another helpful addition was the small button which, if held down for a couple of seconds, would alert the guards of danger.

I was amazed as we left the Palace that such high-tech had been developed, but I knew it was needed. Rebel attacks, although very infrequent nowadays, still happened. As the rest of the world developed, King Maxon had made sure that Illea remained to be a powerful and innovative country.

I had thought it was a fool proof plan, but the head guard still insisted we have a couple of guards, not matter how much attention it drew. So that was how how Derrick ended up with us, dressed as casually as he could be (honestly, did no one here own a pair of jeans?).

It was of course awkward, but Derrick was dressed inconspicuously enough that we could pass for a family in the town - albeit a strange family, but it wouldn't draw enough attention.

"I'm a little hungry, America," Keahnna commented as we entered the town square. It was one of the first things she said. Derrick seemed to put her on edge. We sat on the edge of the decorated stone fountain and watched little children laugh and play around us. Derrick stayed standing, but I shot him a look and he sat down as well, reluctantly.

"There's a good bakery down that corner," I said to her, half of my focus on the conversation and half on Chase (who was sitting next to me, splashing the edge of the water with his small hands).

Keahnna nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Derrick still didn't say anything. (For a moment, my mind drifted to Keahnna and him. She hadn't mentioned him, which surprised me, and they hadn't been together at all since Queen Amberly's death - but that was off topic.) Keahnna hesitated. "Is it okay if you go get it while I wait here for Chase? I… don't want to be recognized." She seemed nervous as she pursed her lips and tapped her foot, so I just smiled kindly. Keahnna had been on edge after Queen Amberly's death, which was understandable, and besides, she was right.

As we had left the Palace, one of the head guards had stressed the importance of acting casual, as to not draw attention. That was why we had our metal bracelets instead of escorted guard - we didn't want attention drawn to the Prince at such a stressful time in the country. A young woman with a baby in the middle of town square was much more inconspicuous than two women (one of which was a famous model) walking into a bakery with the heir to the throne. Luckily, the Prince was protected so well that they were very rarely any pictures of him in the media, so he was not the one in danger of being recognised. Rather, Keahnna was a famous model with many adoring fans who could call attention easily.

Keahnna relaxed a little when I nodded, and she smiled at me. I couldn't see her eyes behind her dark sunglasses (part of her "staying low" cover), but I could tell this meant more to her than she could express.

"Derrick and I will keep Chase out of trouble," she promised as I stood and brushed myself off. I smiled back at Keahnna. Even though I couldn't see her eyes behind her sunglasses, there was a certain resolve in them. I could tell that Keahnna, who was rarely relied on to take care of Chase, was serious about her responsibility, which was sweet.

"I'll be back in a few." I said, then teased, "Just be careful not to let him wander more than five feet away."

"So precise," she giggled, but I knew she understood. Derrick gave me a small nod and allowed a smile, which I was grateful for. I understood he was just doing his job, trying not to interact too much.

I wandered over to a corner of the square that was tucked a little to one side. Before I was even inside the bakery I could smell the delicious pastries, and my mouth started to water. I felt sympathetic for a couple of little kids who had their faces pressed up against the glass, gazing at the desserts lovingly.

This bakery had a sentimental value for me, even though I had only been there once before. It felt like just yesterday that my brother had appeared next to me at the counter. But at the same time, it also felt like a lifetime away.

The bakery owner's eyes lit up when he saw me, so I knew he recognized me. He didn't say hello since he was helping another customer, but only offered me a gracious smile that I returned.

I scanned the names of the different delicacies he had laid out. There was so many to choose from, but I already knew what I wanted.

"A dozen strawberry tar-"

I was cut off by a loud scream that came from outside. I whirled around as more screams come after them.

Chase. I immediately thought, and sprinted out of the small bakery, ignoring all the chaos that has erupted around me. It was hard to get out of the bakery, because all of the people who had been outside in the courtyard were now running away from whatever - God, I couldn't even think it - are now rushing to get shelter. I shoved people out of the way, my heart pounding. I hadn't had been this energized for a very long time, and I could not think about my actions. All I could think was, Chase, Chase, Chase.

Once I had found myself in the courtyard, I look around frantically. My eyes analyzed the scene in front of me in a matter of less than a second, but it felt like I was simply a viewer and could do nothing.

Immediately, my eyes locked on to where the attention is. All I saw are people running away from a small alley on the other side of the courtyard. There were men in all black protective suits backing into the alley with guns drawn. They did not have the crest of Illea on their chests. These were not the soldiers who were there to protect us.

Keahnna was easy to spot with her bright dress. She was writhing around while still trying to shield Chase, who was crying, from the men. I watched in horror as they knocked her unconscious and dragged her into the alley, out of view. This was all happening too fast, too soon.

Where was Derrick?

With a flick of my eyes, I saw that the fountain was now deserted. A man - Derrick - was knocked unconscious on the stone floor (at least I hoped he was only unconscious).

By then, almost the entire courtyard was deserted. Without a second of delay, I ran in the direction of the alley, in the opposite direction of everyone else. "Stop!" I screamed desperately. The men's faces were covered, but there were at least ten of them backing up into the alley. One of them looked at me, but didn't shoot. I could almost see the delight he had in my complete and utter panic.

I wasn't going to get there quick enough.

No! I thought in horror. They were going to escape. They were taking Chase - and Keahnna- and there was nothing I could do about it.

I reached the alley, but it was too late.

There was no trace of them. I was alone in an alley, deserted.

A failure to myself and the crown of Illea.

END OF CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE