Camelot
On his way back into Camelot Merlin had walked past a worried looking Gwen. Indeed she was so occupied that she entirely missed Merlin's greeting to her. Merlin dithered about going after her, but for a second couldn't decide as he knew he needed to see Morgana alone, maybe now was his chance.
He dashed into the castle, hoping he would avoid meeting Arthur on the way. To his disgust he could hear Arthur's voice up ahead. Keeping his head well down he made for the stairs hoping to catch Morgana in her chambers alone. Just as he made his way over to her door, a hand on the shoulder almost made him jump out of his skin.
"No one is to disturb her, by order of the King." the guard said.
"Oh, I see." Merlin dithered, but his common sense decided in the end to gracefully accept the guard's word. "It can wait."
Merlin walked away cursing himself, he had to somehow see her, whether the King wanted it or not. He ran down the stairs intending to go back to his chambers, but suddenly a familiar voice cut into his thoughts.
"Ah Merlin nice to see you again." Arthur said his eyesbrows rising.
"Oh yes good to see you too." Merlin smiled, though it soon disappeared when it occurred to him that Arthur was being somewhat sarcastic. "Ah!"
"Ah indeed Merlin. I was just wondering where you were considering the last time I saw you, I gave you a long list of things to do. Something tells me most of them have not been done."
"Yes well, Gaius called me, and well I had to get some herbs for him and I maybe became a bit carried away, with being outside I mean." Merlin ended with a brilliant smile hoping it would at least get him slightly out of the doghouse.
"I see so picking herbs for Gaius is more important than finishing my chores is it?" Arthur replied his eyebrow raising.
"In an ideal world I would have finished your chores first naturally sire. But as Gaius said it was important that I got him some comfey and as I can't magically cut myself into two, I felt that…" Merlin explained.
"Merlin we are in a the middle of a hunt for sorcerers at the moment, I would advise therefore using the word magically is probably not the smartest thing you've ever done, even if it was in jest." Arthur pointed out. "Please finish my chores by tonight."
Merlin stood in the middle of the corridors not quite believing what he had just said to Arthur. Sometimes it felt as if his brain did not always engage when he said something. Not for the first time he thanked the gods that no one knew about his magic for now. He spent the next few hours doing Arthur's chores. The usual washing, mending until the first rays of darkness began to show themselves.
His mind was still distant, still fraught with tension and still unsure how to go about things. As he finished polishing Arthur's armour it dawned on him that he needed to see Morgana now, otherwise the night would have settled in. Sensing that the guards where changing, he decided to try his luck
He dashed up the stairs, making sure no one was around. He checked the corridor, no guards were outside her chambers. He ran over to her door and knocked on it, hoping that Gwen was not be there. There was a pause before the door opened and a pale looking Morgana stared at him.
"Merlin, what are you doing here?" she asked.
"I was hoping to have a word with you." Merlin said nervously looking up and down the corridor in case any one should arrive.
"I'm sorry." Morgana apologised. "Come in."
"Thank you." Merlin whispered. It was only once Merlin was in her chambers, that he realised he hadn't rehearsed what he was going to say to her; which probably wasn't the best idea. He dithered a bit on the spot suddenly feeling a bit stupid and lost for words. In the end Morgana spoke first to his relief.
"I am sorry for last night, you didn't see me in the best condition. I was upset because of my nightmare. It is usually Gaius that I see, I'm sorry if it made you uneasy. I intend to have an early night, I have given Gwen the night off." she murmured.
Suddenly Merlin became aware of just how late it was. As Merlin stared at her pale vacant face he felt an enormous sense of compassion for her. He suddenly felt a real affinity with her, she was just like he had been those lonely few years ago in Ealdor. A time when he felt alone and afraid of what he was growing into. A time when he felt apart from those that he loved, as though their world was not his, despite living there.
He longed to hug her, but knew that would be unwise as he didn't want her to misinterpret his actions. But he knew now was the time he must help her, otherwise he feared about just how isolated she would become in Camelot. He focused and decided he must be as straight with her as he could.
"You must not worry about last night, I know how nightmares can be disturbing." Merlin began reliving his own nightmares as a young boy, when only the tender and protective cuddles of his mother had helped him through his own crisis, when he was first becoming aware of his powers.
"You suffered from nightmares?" Morgana asked her face suddenly lighting up.
As Merlin stared at her he began to feel panicked. He realised that it had probably not been the best thing to say. Worse by now she moved close to him and her eyes were searching his, desperate for what he was to say next. Merlin took a gulp trying to search for a way he could get out of his quandary. Suddenly an idea came into his head.
"I erm suffered from panic attacks when I was little. Sometimes I wouldn't dare leave my home." Merlin explained. Even if he wasn't being entirely honest with her, it was partly the truth, as he had indeed felt afraid of being outside when he was very young. All of a sudden as he thought back to those days it became easier to talk to her about it. "Sometimes I wouldn't leave the house for days, just sat there at the window, looking outside. It felt like the only place I was safe."
Morgana looked disappointed for a second, but then she looked at him sympathetically. "It must have been difficult for you."
"Yes it was, but I at least had my mother to help me, also Will my friend."
Morgana nodded a brief smile on her lips. "What was it you wanted?"
"I think I may be able to help you, if you'll let me." Merlin said quietly.
"How can you help me?" Morgana asked suddenly tense, as if afraid of believing him.
"There are people around who can help people like yourself."
"Who could help me?" Morgana asked turning away.
"The Druids." Merlin said quietly.
"Why would the Druids help me?" Morgana asked emotion in her voice. "Uther is trying to kill them anyway none of them would ever come here."
"I know where you can find them though, if you are interested. I'm sure they could help you understand what you are going through." Merlin said softly hoping she would take the bait.
For a second they both stopped and stared at one another, Merlin was sure he could feel a slight change in the tension in the room, as Morgana considered Merlin's offer.
"How do you know where they are?" Morgana asked looking closely at him.
"That doesn't matter." Merlin explained. "I just want to try and help you as I know you are suffering. Surely it has to be worth a try."
After another brief pause, Morgana nodded, Merlin felt truly elated. He knew it was not ideal, and in a better world he would be able to share his secret with Morgana, but he knew deep down for now that would be unwise. But at least this way he knew she would no longer feel so alone.
"Where are they then?" Morgana asked her whole voice more hopeful.
"They are in a camp in the Forest of Ascetir, it is by the old ancient oak tree near the spring path." Merlin explained.
"I know the place I use to go riding there years ago. Thank you Merlin for this, can I ask you to stay quiet about this?" she asked starting to throw things in a bag.
"Yes of course my lady." Merlin bowed. "I hope that you find some peace of mind. Anything I can do to help you only need to ask."
For the first time in a while Morgana smiled a smile that lit up her face, and reminded Merlin of the beautiful girl he had seen, only a year ago when he'd first arrived in Camelot. He truly hoped that the Druids would be able to give her the guidance she needed.
As he slowly made for the door, he felt an easing of the tension that had gripped him, and suddenly relaxed. Hopefully this could be the start of a new beginning for Morgana. As Merlin ran downstairs towards Arthur's chambers he felt proud that he had not deserted her.
Now he just hoped that, she would reap the benefits and like him realise that magic was a beautiful thing, and not something to fear. Maybe one day he could even share his secret with her, he smiled to himself as walked into the room, and suddenly his chores didn't seem like such hard work any more.
Hours later when Merlin had turned in and had gone to sleep, little did he know that his idea, would have grave consequences. The next day Camelot had woken up to discover the Lady Morgana was missing, and Merlin's own nightmare was just about to begin.