Confrontations.

Karissa was released from the infirmary a week after the 'Event', which is what she had taken to calling her and Harry's kiss in her mind, because thinking about what it actually was just distracted her from all of the bad that came along with it. Okay, so maybe she had feelings for Harry. That was kind of obvious, considering how she had reacted to the 'Event'. And, well, pretty much everything in between that. Karissa had stopped trying to deny her feelings, but that didn't mean she couldn't ignore them.

But, Karissa found after breakfast the day she returned, that was harder than it sounded. While Karissa was happy to have the ability to hold down food, her stomach was a knot of nerves. Every time she raised her head to look across the hall, there he was. Harry not-so-subtly stared at her throughout the meal. And, to be honest, it was kind of making her a bit uncomfortable. She supposed that he thought he was being careful about it, but with Karissa being used to pointing out the little things, it was like he was wearing a giant, neon sign that read "I Have A Staring Problem.". He probably wasn't being very obvious, it was probably because he was staring at her that made her think it wasn't subtle. At one point, Karissa met and held his gaze, staring at him intently and hoping he would be the first to look away and maybe take the hint that she didn't want him looking at her. She put all of the anger she could muster into her expression, because really, anger was the most intimidating, best-to-get-the-point-across emotion she had.

So, while she was angrily staring at Harry, Harry was, again, not-so-subtly staring back at her, his face full of innocence. Karissa snorted internally. Innocent. Harry was anything but innocent. He was the one who had visited her in the middle of the bloody night, he was the one who said that he came to see if she was okay, and he was the one who had leaned in, so, therefore, it was all his fault that Karissa was in this predicament. So there. But you let him. There's the voice inside her head that she hated. The one that sounded like Angelique. Well, Karissa had been in a compromising situation. If she had refused him, it would have been extremely awkward. It's awkward both ways. Karissa supposed that was true. You know you liked it. Okay, so she couldn't deny that. Harry was actually a decent kisser. Which meant that he probably had experience. Which also meant that he had been kissing other girls- How dare he? Kissing other girls, that was utterly-

Wait, what?

Harry wasn't hers. He could kiss all the girls he wanted. Except... Well, now that she and Harry had kissed, did that mean that they were an... item? What did it mean? Did Harry expect them to be an item? Karissa couldn't do that. There was no way. For one, her father would likely kill her, or beat her until she couldn't stand. Secondly, now was probably the worst possible time to suddenly have feelings for Harry Potter, because, well, there was the Voldemort issue, which back-lashed on both of them. Harry couldn't have a distraction from the real problem, and Karissa, going back to her earlier statement, couldn't do anything out of conduct or else she would pay the price. And she really didn't have the galleons to spare. Sure, there was the dog incident with Umbrage, but that was before the holidays, before the stakes had changed. She simply couldn't afford to mess up so completely, not now. Merlin, it was like third year all over again, when she had made the decision to completely ignore Harry and pretend he didn't mean anything to her. She would have to do it again.

And that would be immensely difficult.

Partly because she liked Harry's company, partly because he always seemed to pop out of the most unlikeliest of places, and partly because she just couldn't get the memory of the "Event" out of her head. Curse her and her disobedient subconscious mind. Karissa turned up the fire of her glare at Harry. He hadn't broke their gaze yet, seemingly trying to look for as long as possible. Karissa took it as an act of defiance, and she couldn't help the smile that twitched at her lips. Damn it! No. Do not smile. Don'tsmiledon'tsmiledon'tsmile.

Crap. She smiled a very small smile. When Harry smiled discretely back, she gave in and broke their eye contact. Damn Harry. Damn her feelings. Damn it all.

Merlin, why did her life have to be so complicated?

Why couldn't she like who she wanted? Why couldn't she have a normal life, with normal, loving parents? Why couldn't she support the side she wanted to support without going behind her family's back? Karissa wasn't even sure she could call the cold, unfeeling man who lived in the Manor and bore the same last name as her her father anymore. It had been like that for a long time. Of course, her mother was still her mother, but she would never feel that strong bond with her as a mother and daughter should.

Karissa shook her head. There was no use in fueling these thoughts. It would only make bearing it all the more harder.

Karissa absentmindedly played with the food on her plate. She didn't have much of an appetite, really; those potions that Madam Pomfrey had given her before she left the infirmary that morning were still making their rounds. She felt a light nudge on her shoulder and her eyes snapped up. She looked at the person sitting to her right and glared. Whenever she was pulled out of deep thought so rudely, she wasn't very fond of the person who did it. Pansy frowned a bit at Karissa's irritation and gestured widely at Angelique, who was sitting in front of her, and then went back to clinging to Draco like he was her life raft. Karissa rolled her eyes at the darker haired girl's so obviously clingy behavior and then turned to Angelique. Her sister was looking back at her with a raised eyebrow.

"So, what was with the glaring a minute ago? You looked like you were about to kill someone." Angelique had apparently noticed that little interaction. Karissa hoped she hadn't figured out who it was with. And, of course, fate wasn't on her side. "Did Potter do something?"

Oh, yes, he definitelydid something.

"He was just being Potter." Karissa chose to say. "The annoying git."

"What did he do?" Karissa gave her a look that she hoped read that she thought it was obvious. "Something idiotic, then?"

Of course it was idiotic. It was completely mental.

"Yeah." Karissa nodded and forced an amused smirk onto her face that she knew Angelique would see right through.

"Something worse?" She asked, growing curious. Karissa was beginning to get uncomfortable. If Angelique kept asking questions, she might get an answer she didn't like.

"You could say that, I guess." Karissa answered, looking back down at her uneaten meal. Her stomach still wasn't cooperating, even if she was cured of that stupid curse.

"So? What did he do?" Angelique prodded eagerly, probably wanting something she could rant about and/or use against Harry.

"It's nothing. I... I'll tell you later. Now's not the time." Karissa didn't think she would ever tell Angelique what Harry had done. Or, more frighteningly, what Karissa had done. Merlin, her sister would be furious. Either that, or she wouldn't believe Karissa.

"Okay..." Angelique left the topic hesitantly. "You should eat, though." She began again. "I don't want to have to take you back to the infirmary, much less have Potter have to catch you again." Karissa sighed and shook her head.

"I'm fine, Angelique." She said. "I'm still full from those potions." She pushed her plate away and promptly stood from her seat. "I think I'll go back to the dorms and get my bag."

"I'll come with you." Angelique set her fork on her plate and made to stand up.

"No, you finish eating." Karissa insisted.

"I'm done. See?" Angelique gestured to her almost empty plate. "I'm coming with you." Karissa gave up with trying to wedge her way out of the conversation that was bound to come the moment they stepped out of the hall. "Okay, Potter did something." Was Angelique's first statement once they were alone in the corridor. "Something he's never done to you before and it's bothering you." Karissa was sure that much was obvious. She'd never acted that way toward anyone- the glaring, that is. "So, what did he do?" Karissa didn't know if she wanted to tell her about the "Event". What would be her reaction? Would she be angry with Karissa? Would she be angry at Harry? Would she completely okay with it? The last one was most likely not the case. Angelique would not be okay with it, she might not be furious, but she wouldn't be completely fine with the thought of her sister kissing their sworn enemy. "You can tell me, you know. It's just Potter. What could he do that's so bad that you can't tell me? I mean, it's not like he kissed you or anything, right?" Angelique laughed at the thought. Karissa nearly stopped walking. Her heart stopped beating for a second, then came back at double the pace it had been before.

"Right, course not." Karissa said as casually as she could, laughing alongside her sister. She forced herself to calm down. Angelique was just joking, it's not like she actually thought that they had kissed.

"Yeah, so, what did he do?"

"Oh, um- he just ran into me in the corridor. Really, it wasn't all that bad, it was just such a silly mistake. He wasn't even looking where he was going." The lies rolled off her tongue like raindrops off a glass window. As easily as they came, Angelique believed them. Karissa didn't blame her for being so gullible; Karissa hardly ever lied to her and there wasn't a reason why Angelique shouldn't trust her. Which made lying to her make Karissa feel guilty. Her sister didn't deserve to be so deliberately lied to, but Karissa just couldn't have her know. Not now, not ever.

"I see. Well, that's Potter for you." Karissa nodded as they walked. "I can tell something else is on your mind." Angelique said after a minute of silence.

"Can you?" Karissa cast Angelique a glance. She nodded.

"Well, spit it out."

"What if Madam Pomfrey starts asking questions? About who cursed me and why I was-"

"She wont." Angelique cut her off before she could finish. Karissa's face scrunched up with worry.

"But what if she does?"

"Well, she wont. I'm sure of it." Angelique said confidently. Karissa gave her a skeptical look.

"And why are you so confident about this? You don't know for sure." Angelique sighed and grabbed her arm, pulling her to the side. She looked around and, seeing that they were alone, said to Karissa in a low voice.

"As far as she is concerned, you had a stomach virus and are as right as rain."

"What? But-"

"But nothing. Don't worry about Madam Pomfrey. She's taken care of. She wont ask questions." Karissa gaped at her.

"What did you do, Angelique?" She asked, voice low and suspicious. Whatever it was, it didn't sound at all pretty. The other girl looked away for a second before looking back at Karissa, eyes guarded.

"Just a little memory charm-"

"That's illegal-"

"Don't remind me." Angelique snapped with a glare. "It doesn't matter now. All she knows is that you passed out. And she assured me that she hadn't told anyone-"

"Was that before or after you Obliviated her?" Karissa could say that she was upset. She couldn't believe that Angelique would do such a thing. There were plenty of alternatives to taking Madam Pomfrey's memory. Except, using any other method wouldn't ensure that she wouldn't still tell someone.

"It's okay, Karissa." Angelique said, sounding confident once more. "What she doesn't know wont hurt her." Karissa sighed in resignation.

"Fine." Angelique gave a small, sad smile and they continued walking to the dorms. Of course, Karissa was still upset, terribly so, but there was nothing she could do, and she would have to leave it at that.

…

Harry didn't have much of an appetite. It wasn't the food; it looked just as delicious as it always tasted. It was all Harry. His stomach was in knots ever since the kiss. Even in his head it sounded wrong and awkward. Well, it hadn't been awkward, and it had certainly felt right when it was happening, but now it just felt... wrong and awkward. God, what was happening to him? His life was already screwed up enough, with Voldemort and Umbrage and now he had this to deal with. This... these confusing feelings that been acted upon purely out of natural impulse.

But natural impulse had always gotten him in and out of tough situations. When he was in the Chamber of Secrets, natural impulse had saved his life. In the Shrieking Shack, natural impulse had allowed Peter Pettigrew to get away. In the Tri-Wizard tournament, natural impulse had saved his life, and also in the graveyard, had gotten Cedric killed. Natural impulse was a bitch, and right now his natural impulse was telling him to get a move on and sort some particular things out.

Hence the reason why he was lurking in an abandoned classroom on the fourth floor, waiting with the Marauders map in hand for a certain blonde headed girl to appear, which should be in three... two... one-

Harry jumped out and grabbed Karissa by the sleeve of her robes and then pulled her into the room. When he turned to face her, she had her wand out and pointed at him, face full of surprise. When she saw that it was only him, she lowered her wand back to her side and then put it in the pocket of her robes.

"We need to talk." Harry said. Karissa hesitated before nodding. Harry knew that she was probably as reluctant as he was to have this conversation, or else she would have initiated it earlier. It was bound to be awkward either way. There was a silence in which both of them waited for the other to say something. Perhaps something wise, but Harry had never been good at that and he wasn't sure that Karissa was, either. Finally, she sighed and stuffed her hands in her pockets.

"I'm a Malfoy." She said, meeting his eye. "And you're Harry Potter." Harry knew what was about to come and would rather get it over with. "The Dark Lord is rising." Karissa's gray eyes darkened at that statement, but she went on as if nothing had happened. "And I think we both know what that means." Harry nodded, swallowing and biting his tongue so he wouldn't he say something stupid. "It would never work. Not even if we wanted it to." Harry sighed, knowing it was true but not wanting it to be. No matter how abruptly they came and how much he tried to suppress them, his feelings toward Karissa would probably not go away any time soon. "We should keep it at that." Karissa walked forward, brushing past him swiftly. He heard the door of the classroom close behind her. It bothered him that she hadn't looked bothered by the conversation. Harry sure felt bothered by it. He felt a sort of longing, even though there wasn't much to miss. It had only been one kiss. That was the only thing he should be bothered by. But then, there had been that day in the room of requirement when they had danced and Harry had felt like he never wanted to let her go.

Maybe that's why Harry felt so bad, because he didn't want to loose Karissa, but he had no choice but to let her go.

He had heard the phrase "you never realize you love something until you let it go", and maybe that was true. Of course, it wasn't like she was dead. But Harry didn't think he could be alone with her again without wanting to hold her close and never let her go. He didn't have that much self control. He would see her in class and the Great Hall, too. Harry was almost positive that she would try to avoid him, and he knew it was for the best, but it would still hurt nonetheless. He would just have to try not to think about it.

He hadn't even started and he already knew it would be hard.

…

The clock ticked behind Umbrage as she watched over the fifth years like a hawk. Karissa focused on her test as best as she could. Charms had always been her weakest subject. The thing was that once she got the hang of it, a charm was easy for her to cast, but when it came to written tests, she was suddenly ignorant in the subject. Karissa's furious scribbling was interrupted when a distant bang and then another one echoed from somewhere far away. Umbrage looked bothered by the noise and started to make her way to the doors of the Great Hall. When she reached them, she looked out and was startled when a small, floating spark flew in front of her face for a few seconds, then zipped past her into the room and exploded into a magnificent firework above the student's heads. Umbrage looked toward where the sparkler came from. There was a swooshing noise accompanied by joyful yells as Fred and George Weasley flew in on brooms, laughing triumphantly. Many more small sparks similar to the one before were set off by the twins, along with some bigger ones that had everyone up and out of their seats, awed and glad of the disturbance. Ever since Umbrage was appointed as Headmaster, she had taken complete control.

She wanted order.

Fred and George seemed to think otherwise.

The two redheads unleashed a particularly big firework that quickly morphed into a head of a dragon. The dragon roared and chased Umbrage out of the room. The students, meanwhile, were laughing and cheering. The dragon went down on Umbrage with a great roar that shook the plaques on the wall outside the Great Hall that had all of her rules on them. When the dragon finally caught up with Umbrage, it exploded into the smaller sparks and went to the plaques, breaking the glass and burning the paper. Somehow, everyone ended outside in the courtyard, the Weasley twins still flying on their brooms and setting off explosions. Karissa, in a twist of luck (she couldn't figure out if it was good or bad) ended up standing next to Harry. He was smiling and laughing and seemingly unaware of her presence. She turned her gaze back to the sky as a giant 'W' was created with glowing multicolored sparks. Karissa smiled. Antics like this had never happened while she was at Hogwarts, only minor pranks, the majority of them from Fred and George. It was only when she saw Harry fall to the ground out of the corner of her eye that she stopped smiling. Karissa knelt down beside him. He looked bothered and stricken by something, though Karissa could see what. Nothing bad was happening.

"Potter." She laid a hand on his shoulder, but he seemed not to notice it. He was staring off into space with wide, unclear eyes. "What's wrong?" Hermione was suddenly by her side, an expression of fear and concern for her friend on her face. Harry's eyes focused on Karissa and he said one word.

"Sirius."

…

After Harry had explained what happened, Karissa followed Hermione, Ron, and him into the castle. Instead of following them further, she turned to go down to the dungeons. She had to get something. When she reached her dorm, she rummaged through her trunk until she found the things she was looking for. She changed out of her robes and school uniform and into the pair of muggle jeans (yes, muggle jeans) and the long-sleeved muggle shirt (yes, a muggle shirt) she had gotten from her trunk. Putting on the necklace she had pulled out of her trunk, she surveyed herself in the mirror and deemed herself not herself. Karissa hid the necklace under her shirt and grabbed a spare wand (don't ask her where she got it- from her trunk of course), put on some old, worn out muggle trainers, and then exited her dorm.

On the way to Umbrage's office, she heard footsteps and pressed herself against the wall, hoping that whoever they were were going to go in the direction of the Great Hall. When the footsteps turned into people, Karissa saw that it was Umbrage, Harry, and Hermione, the two fifth years looking fearful and uncertain, while Umbrage looked expectant. They passed Karissa without giving her a second glance- In fact, only Harry seemed to notice her. Karissa froze. Harry was in the clutches of Umbrage. He couldn't save Sirius now. That meant that her worries had come true; she would have to do it alone.

…

Karissa arrived just as the battle had begun. What's going on? She had thought as she headed toward the noise. She entered through a doorway and saw a full blown attack was taking place. She saw Sirius and Harry fighting Lucius and another Death Eater. They were standing next to an empty archway made of stone. Karissa then saw Remus Lupin fighting with a shadowy apparition, kind of like dark smoke. The smoke morphed into a person then and Lupin disarmed the man with a quick expelliarmus. A few feet to her left, she saw Luna Lovegood standing, facing toward her, with a Death Eater sneaking up behind her.

"Stupify!" Karissa yelled, pointing her wand at the man, who was hit with the spell and went shooting back. Karissa grabbed Luna's arm and pulled her to the edge of the room. She found a rock that shielded her away from the battle. "Stay here." She told Luna and ran off.

…

"Expelliarmus!" The spell came out of nowhere, and sudden;y the Death Eater that Harry had been fighting had no wand.

"Stupify!" Harry shot the spell at him.

"That's right, James!" Sirius yelled and then disarmed Lucius Malfoy. The man held up his hands in a sort of "I surrender" kind of pose, and Sirius cast a spell that sent him flying backward.

"Avada Kedavra!" The spell came out of nowhere and green light went soaring toward Harry. There was a loud cry from behind Harry.

"No!" And suddenly a girl that he had never seen before was in front of him. She cast a shield charm and the curse was blocked. She let out a breath and glanced at Sirius, who looked surprised and relieved and proud all at the same time. He looked like he wanted to hug the girl, but thought better of it. This time, there wasn't time to block the spell. Bellatrix Lestrange was standing on a rock and cast the spell. It hit Sirius, and he fell back into the archway, floating away, now only a memory.

…

"I tried to save him." The girl said. "I wasn't fast enough." She looked up at Lupin, clutching the mug tightly in her hands. The girl had short, shoulder length black hair and dull blue eyes. Remus had never seen her before the battle in the Department of Mysteries. Now, sitting in Dumbledore's office with the old wizard himself at his desk, the girl seemed timid and uncomfortable. Remus rubbed his eyes warily and then pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Why were you there?" He asked, his voice tired.

"I wanted to help."

"Do you go to Hogwarts? Are you a friend of Harry's?" The girl sniffed once and stared into her cup.

"Yes and no." She answered. She reached up with one hand and pulled out a necklace that had been hidden in her shirt. It was a simple silver chain with a silver charm on it shaped like the north star.

"Where did you get that?"

"Sirius owled it to me." Remus knew that the necklace belonged to Sirius, but couldn't figure out why this girl had it. Sirius had always been so protective over it. Remus never knew why.

"Why?"

"He said that I should use it when I wanted to be hidden."

"Hidden? Well, you aren't hidden now." Remus cast a glance at Dumbledore, who, for once, seemed content with being silent and looking on at the scene with a twinkle in his eyes.

"I kind of am." The girl rubbed the silver charm between her thumb and index finger, then pulled it up over her head. Slowly, the girl's features changed. Her hair grew longer and turned into a platinum blonde color, her eyes grew lighter and lighter until they were the color of stone. And suddenly, Remus was staring at Karissa Malfoy.

…

Karissa had just finished packing up her trunk when she realized she had forgotten something. She reached under her bed and pulled out a book. It was a book on healing that she had found in an old store in Diagon Ally. It wasn't the one she had "borrowed" from Madam Pomfrey in second year, the one titled A Beginner's Guide to Healing. She had finished that ages ago and had returned it back to the infirmary (though Madam Pomfrey never knew she had taken it in the first place, and if she had she didn't say anything to her about it). She was still a bit upset about Madam Pomfrey, but that paled in the comparison to what had happened in the Department of Mysteries. Watching Sirius die. That had been terrible. She wasn't even going to think about that right now, though. When she had revealed herself to Lupin and Dumbledore, they had been shocked. Then, Lupin had showered her with questions, barely giving her enough time in between to answer them. After a minute or so of that, Dumbledore had stepped in and said something that made both Karissa and Lupin gape at him.

He said that she could be a part of the Order.

As a spy.

And at first, Karissa had been reluctant. But really, there was no other way in which she could help, so she had agreed. She didn't know how long that would last, though, and was afraid that she would be discovered when she went home for the Summer. Dumbledore had seemed to sense her unease, and assured her that he would have someone watching over her.

And so now, as Karissa boarded the train that would take her back to London and to Lucius and her living nightmare, she felt, for the first time in a long time, that she was actually going to make a difference. And yet, that thought also terrified her. Even if Dumbledore had promised to watch over her, she could still be discovered and that would mean the end of her life and possibly her family's life. It was dangerous, but Karissa was willing to take that chance.

Karissa could see now why Lucius didn't like her very much.

She didn't follow the rules like how he wanted her to follow the rules. She bent and twisted them until they were hardly rules anymore, but merely roadblocks that she had walked around. And she didn't do it discretely, either. Lucius told her to stop pranking. The dog incident with Umbrage. Lucius tells her to be a proper Malfoy. Karissa kisses Harry Potter. Lucius tells her to follow the rules and be a good little puppet to the Dark Lord.

Karissa does the exact opposite.

And Merlin, did she love being rebellious.

…

Harry sat alone in a compartment on the Hogwarts express. He just wanted to be alone, away from the sympathy and the pity and the noise.

He had always had too much of that.

Harry didn't want to think about anything. But, of course, that was hard to do. Everything that happened to him, he didn't want to think of. His head spun around as the compartment door slid open.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Mind if I sit?"

"No." Karissa walked in and closed the door behind her, then sat on the seat across from him. She was silent for a moment.

"How are you?" She asked finally.

"Good." Karissa scowled at the answer, but seemed to realize he didn't want to talk about himself. She sighed, seeming to prepare herself to say something.

"I just wanted to tell you-" She paused, "-that I'm sorry." Harry didn't say anything, so she went on. "I don't know if Dumbledore told you, but I was there." Harry gave no sign of surprise. Dumbledore had told him. Said that Karissa told him to tell Harry. He could see why Karissa would think Dumbledore wouldn't tell him. Harry really didn't want to talk about it. "Whe-" She stopped and took a deep breath, "That's all I wanted to say." Karissa stood to leave. Harry reached out and caught her hand before she could open the door. He pulled her back down next to him, on his right. He was still gripping her hand, not willing to let go, to let her go. He didn't care if it- if they wouldn't work; right now, he needed her by his side. Harry squeezed her hand slightly and she paused before sliding her right arm around his shoulders. She let him rest his head on her shoulder, and, as an after thought, Harry grabbed his wand with his free hand and drew the curtains on the compartment window that looked into the hall with one wave. Harry let go of Karissa's hand briefly so he could interlace their fingers together. They sat like that for a while, until Karissa said softly that she had to go.

"See you after the holidays, yeah?" Karissa said with a small smile before untangling herself from Harry with one last squeeze to his hand. And then, she left Harry alone.

…

A/N: Okay, let me start by saying that I am so, so sorry that this chapter took so damn long. School, ugh. But hey, now I'm on Spring Break, yay! So hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, if I can get myself off my lazy butt and start writing. Hope you liked the chapter! Lots of unanswered questions, I know, I know. I'm evil. I would say sorry, but I'm not. Please review! I'll have the next chapter up ASAP.

I'm Only Human,

When-Words-Fail.