Chapter 26 I'm Fine
Light lay on the leather couch waiting for this all to be over. His eyes lazily falling on the miniature waterfall fountain built into the wall. No doubt it was supposed to inspire relaxation but in reality it just inspired a need to use the restroom. He sighed. This was totally unnecessary and a complete waste of time. Yet for some reason the therapist hadn't believed him when he insisted:
"Really, I'm fine."
Ryuk had informed him that when he said that she had scribbled down "SERIOUS DENIAL" on her notepad in big red letters.
The therapist was a pale, foreign woman with dark-red hair, an obnoxious voice, and dark rings around her eyes like she might be Ryuuzaki's twin sister or something. Light scoffed at the thought—as if Ryuuzaki would ever bring anyone connected to him anywhere near the Kira case! Though sometimes Light wondered if Ryuuzaki actually had a past or if he didn't just spring up wholly made out of the earth, like a Greek Fury, a demigod of justice out to hound and torment criminals and him… mostly him. However Light didn't doubt that L had his hand in this new line of torture. Dr. Clarice Cuinse. That was her name. Light found himself memorizing the spelling, searing it into his brain. He had vowed he wouldn't kill anymore and at the moment he lacked the means but it was still very, very tempting. No doubt her voice alone was enough to drive people nuts so she'd get paid to treat them.
Light again declined when she once again offered him the candy tray.
"It's normal for boys to want candy." She tsked.
Light looked at her askance. "Says who? And do you have any idea how creepy that sounds?"
She scribbled something in her notes. No need to ask what it said. From the look on Ryuk's face, no doubt she assumed that his aversion to candy had something to do with... the Second Kira incident.
For the love of... "I've never really liked sweets," Light explained.
"Now she checked a box labeled 'repressed.'" Ryuk informed him.
Wonderful.
Light signed again, examined his nails, and suppressed the bad thoughts that would undo everything he was working for and didn't say anything as his therapist kept nattering at him... Eventually Cuinse stopped talking and the room lapsed into blissful silence. "You know..." she began again. "It takes two for this to work."
Light quirked an eyebrow. Surely that was borderline harassment. Well at least she wasn't throwing herself at him like the last one...
Light shrugged. "You seem to talk enough for both of us."
"And you haven't answered one of my questions. You always deflect..."
"Actually that's you."
Ryuk informed him how she marked something about misplaced blame. Light rolled his eyes.
At this rate perhaps he should get Ryuk to come in here later and replace that record with a clean one seeing how this "therapist" seemed very biased towards throwing him in the loony bin.
"Talking about it will make you feel better and help you recover faster."
Light kept a neutral expression plastered to his face as he replied in a perfectly reasonable tone of voice "It won't make me feel better because there is nothing to recover from. As you can see, I am perfectly fine..." Light then resumed ignoring her and even smiled slightly as Ryuk made funny faces behind her.
"You're not fine!"
"Look, I think I know my own mental state better than you do," Light smiled reassuringly. "Today is a good day. I have good friends and family who care about me, I am the top student in the country, and I have a promising career ahead of me. One bad incident does not define me. I am over it." And I didn't even need any drugs or sessions with you to do it. I bet that just burns your butt...
"You can't just be over it!"
"Well I am. I wish everyone else would move on too."
"You were raped!"
"I know. I was there."
"Hostility is a natural response." Cuinse said while she scribbled more notes. From what Ryuk reported she was writing they definitely should make a records switch after hours. Like hell he was coming in for another session let alone group...
"Hey, no one's being hostile," Light smiled charmingly enough to belie the last half-hour of passive-aggressive hostility.
The therapist tried a different tactic. "I heard you have problems with your father.
"It's just a misunderstanding."
The therapist waited for Light to elaborate but he did not. Light relaxed into the couch, staring at the ceiling. It looked like he'd be stuck here for a while. "Then why don't we talk about that," the therapist prodded.
"Let's not."
The therapist was clearly becoming annoyed. No doubt if they were in an anime she'd be shooting flames out of her head by now.
"There really is nothing to talk about," Light insisted.
Cuinse put her pen down. "I'm trying to help you with your problems!"
"Yes, that's the problem. You're trying to solve "my problems" when I'm perfectly happy. Why do you assume everyone must have problems? You must have a very negative outlook on life. Do you ever consider that maybe you're the one that's in the wrong? That you're attempts to help are only hurting people? You really should stop before you drive one of your poor unstable patients to killing themselves."
"Do you often have suicidal thoughts?"
Light looked disgusted. "It was hypothetical. I wasn't talking about me. Do you not understand sarcasm? What kind of therapist are you when you so obviously have no understanding of human interaction?"
"It's my job!" the therapist snapped at her wits end.
"Why did you choose this job? You're obviously not very good at it." Light rubbed his forehead in annoyance. "Look, I'm fine. There's no reason for me to be here."
"If you're so over it why not talk about it with me about it?" Cuinse challenged.
Light sighed. He had gone over it so many times with the police and the doctors and with L... What was once more?
"A man named Teru Mikami kidnapped me, he drugged me unconscious. He raped me. It's all in the official reports." Light stated blandly without emotion as if he was commenting on the weather.
"How did that make you feel?"
Words could not express the contempt Light had for Ms. Cuinse at the moment.
"How do you think?"
"Did THAT make you happy?"
Bitch. "Out of curiosity just how much do you get paid...?"
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L startled as the psychiatrist stormed out of her office a half an hour later.
"He's fine!" Dr. Cuinse shouted as she slammed the door.
Well, that was a disappointment, here Cuinse was supposed to be able to help even the hardest cases and yet the results were the same as all the others.
"Just what did you do?" L demanded as Light entered the lobby.
"Nothing. But I think she needs therapy."
L noted that Light was looking much too smug for it to have been "nothing." "I think you owe someone an apology."
"Fine, I'm sorry you keep bringing in these crap therapists."
L was not amused.
Light sighed again. "Ryuuzaki... why are you even here?" It was unusual for L to come and see him like this. His tails, sure... in fact Light and Ryuk made a game of spotting them. But for L himself to come out in public... "Is it really safe for you to be here?" Light hissed. After all, there was another Kira still out there—a Kira with the eyes. L quirked an eyebrow at Light's apparent conern for his safety-it seemed... genuine.
"We're friends aren't we?"
"Well, yeah… I guess."
L almost looked... hurt? "Don't friends lend moral support? I figured you'd want the company."
"I guess... But I don't get why do you guys keep dragging me here anyway? It's pointless."
L ignored him in favor of rummaging in the backpack Watari had supplied him with until...
"Aha! Look what I brought!" He announced in a singsong voice as he set the chessboard on the coffee table as if it were the goddamn Holy Grail.
"We haven't played for a while. Perhaps I can distract you from your new hobby of destroying your doctors, though I suppose if you find that therapeutic..."
"What's that supposed to mean," Light demanded as he moved the white pawn across the board and thus began the battle between the genii, the plastic chessmen were sent flying across the board at mind numbing speeds.
"I have a degree in psychology, Light-kun."
"Really, from where? Off the back of a pocky box?"
"You didn't use to insult people like this... I do believe it's a simple defense mechanism. You're lashing out. You must find it therapeutic to utterly destroy those that would question your sanity."
Light was surprised to realize that L had a point. Ah hell. (L captured another of his pieces. Light retaliated.)
"Thus these sessions AREN'T pointless."
"Dammit!"
"You're letting me distract you. If you don't defend yourself how do you expect to win?"
Light made a move that surprised L. L retaliated. More pieces fell, casualties of their game.
Both blinked in surprise. They were boxed in at a stalemate... Somehow the pieces had gotten so they were both in check and they couldn't move without putting their own King in checkmate.
Light offered his hand to shake in the spirit of good sportsmen ship. "Good game?" Regardless of what L might think his manners hadn't fallen by the wayside. (They hadn't.)
L frowned. Good game? "We both lost."
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"There are no cameras or bugs in here," Ryuk reported when Light finally was permitted to return to his own bedroom. He was surprised but relieved. Light gazed forlornly out the window as Ryuk lay stretched out in his bed, apple in hand. After a long awkward silence they eyed each other nervously.
Light I'm so sorry. I couldn't do anything...
I was too weak to... Master... Do you not want me anymore?
Light tentatively approached Ryuk. Ready or not he needed this...
Ryuk looked alarmed.
"I'm okay, Ryuk," Light insisted.
"You're not."
Light locked eyes with the Shinigami. "I will be. Please, Master?"
Ryuk hugged him close but when Light trembled against him he put him at arm's length.
"Light-o, maybe… maybe we should take it slow, you know?"
Not you too! "Master, I'm not going to let this ruin us. I am not made of glass!"
Ryuk gently petted up and down his back, pressing Light up against his chest. The monster was gentle but all the while Light kept up his mantra of "I'm fine... I'm fine..."
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A/N: I'm really, really sorry for the wait. This chapter gave me hell to write. And I'm working on too many things at once. I still don't think I got the tone quite right but this is long overdue for an update of sorts. :/
Also I hope it was clear that Light is not magically "all better" but he's suppressing his emotions in classic Light-fashion.
Oh and I still don't own Death Note.