Chapter 25- Part 25

Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own a thing.

Acknowledgements: Hallowed are the Ancients: for Rules 599 to 601.

Sciencefictionsquirrel: for Rules 604, 612, and 615 (with minor changes).

Chaotic Monkey Overlord: for Rules 607 to 609

Alys5: The towel reference was the big Hitchhiker's reference. I just wanted to tease people and see if they actually caught it, because not everyone knows Hitchhikers.

Black dragon: You will see your rules in Part 27.

It had been a long and tumultuous night, but Anne had given birth to a beautiful baby girl, whom she and Zek named Mora.

The entire Expedition was beaming with pride and excitement about the arrival of their newest and youngest member. The Alliance, in particular, was extremely happy. They were all ready to become uncles and aunt to little Mora. And, as it turns out, Ronon actually had a very sweet side buried underneath his gruff exterior. He had surprised everyone (except Jen) by presenting the new parents with a gorgeous crib that he had carved by hand, complete with Satedan symbols for health and prosperity. However, said sweetness immediately led to a rule.

595. Do not mess with Ronon's reputation.

A. He will come and find you.

B. And the Alliance will back him up.

C. Since they're back in action.

That was enough to make everyone quake. In the past few months, they had gotten used to the fact that the Alliance wasn't doing that much.

596. Be careful about what you eat off-world.

The phrase, "You are what you eat," took on a whole new meaning. Rodney had yet to emerge from his lab. Carson was forced to make personal visits to administer the antidote that would reverse the effects of the food that he had consumed.

597. Beware of dirty diapers.

A. Especially when they can be thrown at you.

Zek had been on diaper duty. Someone made a sneaky comment. Apparently, the normally calm man had been hanging out with the Alliance way too much because said person had a dirty diaper thrown at their head and suffered a concussion as a result. Elizabeth really didn't want to know when Ronon had been training the man.

598. Only Captain Dyson is allowed to put 'Baby on Board' stickers on a Jumper.

A. And only when she's actually on it.

B. And Mora is with her.

Everyone was still really excited about baby Mora.

599. This is not Sanctuary.

A. And Colonel Carter is not Helen Magnus.

The Expedition had recently gotten into a Sanctuary craze. It was mostly Rodney's fault, because he had liked to ogle the actress that played Helen Magnus. It didn't help that Colonel Carter looked like her, and that they had the Menagerie running around. But she would cross the line when they started calling everyone "Abnormals." It would give the natives the wrong idea.

600. Do NOT teach the Replicators how to play poker.

A. They will beat you.

B. Every single time.

C. And I mean, every single time.

A-13 was at it again. They had gotten bored playing with each other at Team Poker Night and had decided to bring the scientists' Replicators in. They must have had a little too much to drink because they obviously weren't thinking that the Replicators were pretty much giant computers. And they had bet money.

All four members of A-13 now owed two of the Replicators $10,000 in total.

601. Do not bet your coffee supplies in poker.

A. Especially against the Replicators.

B. What would they need coffee for?

Rodney had thought he was smarter than the Replicators. And, of course, being as overconfident as he is, he bet his coffee supply. And lost. Elizabeth wasn't really feeling sorry for him for his lack of judgment. Though the rest of the base would have to suffer until the next Daedalus run.

602. Make paperclip necklaces is not an appropriate use of supplies

A. Or time.

Supposedly, A-18 was killing time whilst laid up in the infirmary. A trend had, unfortunately, been set.

603. Bursting out into 'Bohemian Rhapsody' off-world is not a good idea.

A. It is only permissible when captured.

B. And only if accompanied by interpretive dance.

Jen was to blame for that one. She had the Wayne's World soundtrack on her iPod. At some point, Ronon had heard the 'Bohemian Rhapsody' and got really attached to it. Then, when A-1 and A-10 were on a joint off-world mission, the teams had gotten captured by the Genii. Ronon had then led, what could only be described, as a rousing serenade of the song, complete with an accompanying interpretive dance. Teyla had taped the whole thing, including when the other six men had joined him. She made copies and gave them to Elizabeth and Jen.

Both were highly entertained.

604. IOA Agent Melissa Jacobson is now officially a member of A-10.

A. The IOA threatened to have us shut down if we didn't put someone on the team to keep them in check.

B. Suck it up, guys, just because she's a girl doesn't mean you can't act like yourselves.

C. She's just supposed to make sure you don't do anything too stupid off-world.

Apparently the IOA had received a copy of the Idiot's Guide and insisted on, for security reasons, assigning one of their top agents, who happened to be female, to the formerly all-male A-10 to keep them in check.

605. Please clap all erasers outside.

A. And down-wind of the rest of the city.

The Smart Camp was getting really bad. They had been bored.

606. Keep blenders away from Polly.

A-6 liked to make mixed cocktails. Anne was really happy to be able to have a cocktail again. Polly, however, seemed to think that blenders were toys and she had taken to destroying them. A-6, alone, was already on their ninth blender. Elizabeth thought that it would be a good idea to make it a rule.

607. No choreographed musical sing-and-dance routines on Atlantis.

A. At least when V.I.P.s visit.

B. Especially when V.I.P.s visit.

C. Come on, guys, even General O'Neill thought it was disturbing.

After watching 24 hours of classic music straight, A-13 somehow managed to get everyone to put together an original production, "Atlantis: the Musical". Unfortunately, several V.I.P.s were visiting at the time. Weir is still trying to find out how A-13 wrote 8 songs, choreographed them all, trained the Mogwai to dance, somehow got Ronon and McKay to do a rap battle, and with surprisingly amazing results, even though everyone was drunk. Still, the V.I.P.s were not fans.

608. Distributing copies of Ronon and McKay's various rap videos is now prohibited.

A. Or, as A-13 calls them, "Predator Jr." and "Jedi Master Rapper."

B. Seriously, the SGC almost had a heart-attack when they say the "Atlantis rap" on MTV.

C. Though it is a pity.

D. I don't even know how you got it pass security.

E. It was General O'Neill, wasn't it?

After the Atlantis Musical mistake, Ronon and McKay discovered surprisingly talent for free-styling. Now they were the biggest thing since Cleveland Jr. and Kenny West on the Cleveland show. At first it was okay. But being on MTV ruined that. Luckily everyone thought it was really great special effects, props, and the Evil Space vampires were just guys in costumes.

609. An apology isn't always good enough.

A. Even a video one.

B. You should know this, Rodney.

Rodney tried to apologize to the SGC for the whole MTV thing. Rapping the apology didn't help

610. The only people you are allowed to free-style rap at are the Wraith.

A. Apparently, they don't like it.

Suddenly, Rodney had found a new way to bolster his kill-count. He and Ronon now had a way to double-team.

611. Guys, it is in your best interest to shave on a regular basis.

A. Unless you're Ronon.

B. Or Dr. Beckett.

Ronon and Carson were the only one who were allowed to have perpetual facial hair, apparently. Some newbies had tried to emulate them. Neither took too kindly to that. They had made their opinions known and said newbies cowered in fear at the very sight of them.

612. Attempts to grow Wraith ships to bolster the Fleet is hereby prohibited

A. Rodney, you aren't a biologist.

B. You don't know what might happen.

C. You don't even know for sure how to grow them.

D. It could be disastrous.

E. Knowing both the Expedition's track record in general and yours in particular, it probably WILL be disastrous.

Rodney had decided to try and grow Wraith ships to bolster the Fleet. Elizabeth had a bad feeling. George had confirmed that Rodney was trying to do this to stroke his own wounded ego after the Genesis Project re-creation had been shot down and really had no idea what he was doing. Elizabeth had wisely chosen to shut down this project as well.

613. No Starbucks.

A. Sorry.

B. The SGC and the IOA won't allow us to have them.

She had really tried to get some Starbucks on Atlantis. But the SGC and the IOA had not been that nice. Elizabeth was really upset. As was the rest of Atlantis. And Melissa Jacobson, in particular. Said IOA agent was a Starbucks crack fiend. Elizabeth had accepted her silent application to transfer permanently to the Atlantis Expedition with a nod of approval.

614. Don't tell "Knock, Knock" jokes off-world.

A. The natives won't get it.

A-10 had tried. Melissa went along with it. They were subsequently run off-world. Altantis then threw a huge party. It had been the first time that Melissa had been run off-world since joining A-10.

615. The Secret Six is now to be known as the Enigmatic Eight.

A. They have just expanded their membership.

A Wraith attack had occured. They had managed to invade Atlantis. Dr. Keller and Melissa Jacobson had taken control of the situation and had organized the Secret Six to retake the city, with the full support of the Alliance. They had subsequently been inducted into the Secret Six following amazing acts of bravery (Melissa had killed a few Wraith with her bare hands in order to liberate the Secret Six and Jen had risked her life to provide cover during the liberation). It was unknown how Jen being the new, official "liason" between the two premeir fighting forces would affect the relationship between the two. Hopefully, it would put an end to their prank war.

616. Dr. Keller is awesome.

A. And very deadly.

That, in itself, pretty much spoke for itself. As the sole liason between the Enigmatic Eight anfd teh Alliance, she was the one person who the rest of the Expedition feared more than the Wraith and the Genii put together. And it didn't help all that much that she was also a doctor who had access to lots and lots of needles.

And, with that in mind, Elizabeth slid her chair away from her desk and stood up. There was a meeting of the Alliance and the Enigmatic Eight that was due to start in a few minutes and it just wouldn't be very good for the Leader of the Eight to miss that meeting. They still did have to hammer out the details of the prank war cease-fire.

Well, there's the chapter. I hope you enjoyed it! Now, go review it! And don't forget to send me some ideas!