ZAFT of the radiance:Road trip
Inside Dr. Weird's laboratory, of course in the South Jersey coast. We find Geno looking at Dr. Weird in a cheap Batman cowl which barely fits his domed head. Geno annoyed asks "Who are you supposed to be?" Weird responds with "I... am the goddamn Batman!"
Season 2 Chapter 4: For something different
Written by GLaDOS
This time we focus on Lalah Sune and Stellar Louisser as the duo prepares to follow after ZAFT in a used car shop. Looking at the sleazy bow tied slick black haired salesman he comments "Greetings ladies,
how can I help you today?" Lalah asks "Say, you got any of those special vans would you?" The salesman becoming suspicious of his clients asks "What's the password?" Lalah looks confused as Stellar blurts out "Zebra!" Preparing a revolver behind him the salesman then asks "You guys wouldn't happen to be... cops... would you?" Stellar the says "Nope!" "Okay! Just come round the back!" The salesman concludes as he hides his gun again.
Round the back we find our heroines marveling at the van they are being shown. Physically it is derived from a Lublin III van but with a GN drive in the front and several verniers underneath it is deep olive green and seemed to be quite sturdy. "It is a special custom build, 12V GNT engine, energy reflective and reinforced durasteel armor plating, enhanced suspension, runs, electronic countermeasures, a small pair of front firing 15mm vulcan guns with a 500 bullet ammo capacity, and XL satellite radio compatibility. All very useful, except the satellite radio thing, because nobody hears that stuff." Lalah after hearing the salesman comments "Who would need all that stuff?" With Stellar barely containing her excitement chirping out "We would, after all we are going after Shinn-kun and the others, right?" Lalah sighing and mulling for a few brief moments relents and asks for the price of the van.
As the two girls drive off with their newest purchase the salesman counts the $5,000 in cash he got for the sale commenting "The mob sure is good for business." as he enters the office where he is met by Asuka Langley Soryu and a mysterious figure in a red hood. "Hello ladies what can I do for you?" Asuka asks "Say, you got any of those special vans would you?" "I am afraid I just ran out and...
(with a worried expression and tone) What did you say miss?" The hooded figure then reveals herself, Lacus Clyne former love interest of Kira Yamato turned evil kingpin of crime. With a face and tone of eerie calm and serenity she comments in a gentle tone. "You made me very displeased you know." Lacus continued talking as she puts the fear of god into the salesman as she suddenly gazes a eerie gentle stare keeping her calm composure and tone as she strangles the salesman with one hand. "Now, will you please tell me what happened after all we wouldn't want to get Mr. Pink involved in this, do we?" Lacus lets go as the salesman falls down and scuttles into a corner in fear. "It was two girls, they were calling each other Lalah and Stellar. One was blond with a blue dress the other one was Indian in appearance in cream robes.
P-please miss Lacus, have mercy." Lacus smiles warmly and tells him no as she pulls out a glok revolver and blows his head open with a well placed bullet. "Well then Asuka, shall we go?" Lacus asks to her as Asuka struggles not to puke in disgust thinking to herself. "How the hell do Rei and Kaworu not flinch when they see this shit?"
Shortly after Lacus and Asuka enter Lacus limousine a ridiculously large hummer limo powered by even a true GN drive, a frightful show of Lacus influence and wealth. Where Kaworu Nagisa in a chaffeur's outfit greets the duo. "Greetings miss Lacus, I suppose the blood in your face dictates that your transaction went south." "Indeed Kaworu. Mr. Pink, get Ribbons on the line and tell Shinji and Rei to prepare a bath."
"Haro hears and obeys meatbag." "I'm actually jealous of you Asuka, you got to witness such wonderful carnage." "Shut up Kaworu!"
At that time in Pink castle 2 Terminal's and by extension Lacus headquarters of evil a giant floating fortress in the vein of Pink castle only with steeper walls and a large beam cannon based inside the eponymous giant pink Haro face covering the front of the castle. As we go inside we find Ribbons Almark's lair a high tech and creepy place that can be described as a place of clockwork and gears, with sterile utilitarian white walls all around. Large numbers of computers auto calculating without end as pipes full of orange goo flow. The leitmotif for the A-Laws blares through the area, seemingly out of thin air just like whenever Ribbons walks into a room, and we see him completing the call from his master. "So that little girl requires me to create something to track those two down... interesting..." muses Ribbons as he activates his monster creation program.
Shinji Ikari and Rei Ayanami are watching ribbons work with Rei in her typical stoic pose and Shinji slouched in a spare chair both wearing a respective maid and butler uniform. Rei asks "Why didn't miss Lacus just call on the other guys? Shinji answering with "Scirocco's crew? They are busy with something else." Ribbons adds "Yes, miss Lacus is still rather displeased about their bumbling. Anyways you two should head back to prepare the bath." The duo of Shinji and Rei agree and leave the lab.
As the door closes Ribbons confident grin turns to anger and the A-Laws theme becomes more sinister loses the chant and more string based in tone as he fumes "That bitch thinks she has me held down, but one day I will once more rise to the top. After all superior beings like myself should not have to obey dumb little princesses who only do this for their own amusement. Oh yes the AT fiend is ready, welcome to the world Ose."
A humanoid creature with a panther's head gray plate armor and a long pale green scarf of medium build appears from a steam filled chamber roaring and stomping his feet with might.
"Now AT fiend Ose go get those girls."
Outside the lab in a hallway Shinji and Rei are walking to the bathroom to prepare it Rei wondering asks Shinji "Do you believe Ribbons can be trusted?" With a grim look he comments "No, he is up to something, that's why we need to watch him closely. For miss Lacus sake." "You've changed Shinji, become more determined. So has Asuka, and Kaworu, are all of you...?" "You don't understand Rei, for the better part of twenty years I was wandering WTFspace, the border between this world, and the other one where none of this is real. You could say a place of imagination in a sense, with only Kaworu's damn ghost haunting me during my travels. And then when I finally am freed I have to pilot under Asuka and Unit 01 got turned into something out of Tiger and Bunny." "And then came the crash right..." Rei continued
"And how we had no money to pay for Asuka's recovery and she was too banged up to be put into prostitution to cover the costs."
The two flash back to the hospital that day when Lacus hired them on It was shortly after she became evil and megalomaniacal. Asuka was bedridden, her arms and legs forcibly amputated and unable to afford either stem cell regeneration or cyborging complaining "Idiot! What am I supposed to do?! I'm gonna be stuck as this for the rest of my life! DO SOMETHING!" Shinji, haunted by Kaworu and at the limit of his patience snapped yelling "SHUT UP! Maybe this is divine punishment for you! SHUT UP GHOST OF KAWORU!" Rei then enters the hospital along with a figure in a familiar red hood. "Hey bitches! I found the answer to our problems!" Asuka cynically and exasperatedly barked out "And what does the girl with a Mr. coffee for a brain have now?! Is this another stint at prostitution?! Rei sarcastically comments "Guro fetishist money is as good as any other money. (slipping into a polite tone) Anyway, this is Lacus Clyne and she has an offer for us." Lacus smiling began with "I want you to please work under me! I can help you get better and its not like you have anywhere else to go with the disappearance of that Dick Cheney guy and Halliburton's collapse." Asuka suspicious asked "Why do you need us anyway?" "Well Asuka I am making a criminal empire
and I need muscle to do so. I can get rid of the ghost Shinji is suffering from..." Shinji immediately cuts off Lacus to say "I'm in!" Asuka angrily yells out "WHAT!? Say something Rei!" Rei tells Asuka
"I already agreed to her offer." "WHAT!? but... but... (regaining composure) What would happen if I refuse?" Lacus calmly pulls out a remote and flips a switch electrocuting Asuka from the inside. She then tells her
"Silly girl you have no choice in the matter." "Help me you morons!" Asuka pleaded as she yelled and convulsed in pain until Lacus turned off the device, leaving her stunned in her bed. Shinji refuses with a simple no leaving Asuka all the more hurt.
"You're right we were helped out by miss Lacus..." Commented Rei with a sad look "Except Asuka..." "But she still can walk now with the cyborging she went thru. Anyway Rei were here. Lets go..." "Right Shinji."
Back to Lalah and Stellar, we find them at Stellar's house along with her roommates Sting Oakley and Auel Neider preparing for the trip." Sting and Lalah are carrying the last pair of boxes as he asks her
"Are you sure you want Stellar to come with you? She isn't exactly very disciplined you know." Lalah responds with "True, but she is really sweet and we don't have to worry about her wondering off and you getting trapped in boxes." Sting becomes catatonic at remembering the time when he and Auel were trapped in boxes and forgotten for several months in a G.I Joe carrier, finally landing in Afghanistan where they were shot and bombed, later they were kidnapped by BOZO and used as drug mules until finally escaping Afghanistan by killing their handlers with makeshift knifes and begins to weep in trauma. "Are you okay Sting?"
"Yes I-i-i'm fine..." As they talk out of the bushes comes out the AT fiend Ose, lunging straight towards Lalah at breakneck speed only to be countered with an Atatatatatata! Accompanied by a Hokuto Hyakuretsu Ken, which quickly destroys Ose exploding him into orange blooded pieces with the consistency of chunky salsa raining relentlessly on Sting's front yard. "Sorry about your yard Sting." "Meh, Auel can clean it up."
Back at Pink castle, primarily Ribbons lab. We find him viewing his creations defeat in utter shock muttering "What. The. Fuck? How did a girl just kill the crap of my creation?" While the A-Laws tune was played thru a trombone. "Well at least Lacus didn't see this mess." "Saw what Ribbons?" Lacus asked as Ribbons stopped in shock and fear stuttering madly, trying to construct an excuse to which Lacus smiled and snapped her fingers as two guards in black grabbed Ribbons and dragged him away screaming and kicking. "My, my, what a strong girl. She would be a good match for Kira. Anyway time to kill the bitch, Kaworu if you please."
Suddenly Kaworu appears behind Lacus saying "Yes miss Lacus..." Before disappearing ninja style. Lacus then exhales deeply and mutters to herself "And now to laugh evilly..."
Meanwhile in a completely unrelated plot point in Anaheim, California. We find ourselves in a bus station where the Puella Magi, Sayaka Miki, Kyoko Sakura, Mami Tomoe, Homura Akemi, and now aided by a small girl in green with cat ears and a staff named Yuma Chitose. Sayaka exhausted along with everyone else complains out loud "Man! Another town, another failure! How long are we gonna keep doing this? Homura rubs her temples visibly annoyed at Sayaka "Just be quiet, This whole mess was YOUR idea anyways. The only reason that you aren't alone and dead in a ditch in the bad part of Fresno is because Mami has abandonment issues, Yuma is Kyoko's charge, and Kyoko is gay for you!" Sayaka upset argues "What are you talking about? And what about you? You aren't exactly the most gung-ho for revenge person out there.
So what brings you here?!" Homura looks down at the floor quietly muttering "I'm looking for someone." Mami sitting next to the duo tries to defuse the situation. "Everyone relax!
We aren't gonna find Kyubey like this." Kyoko and Yuma meanwhile are reading local magazines as they notice and point to an announcement in a page Kyoko saying "Look at this! fortune teller Crystal Man.
We find your shit guaranteed or your money back." Yuma then adds "Let's go before Mami dies and I have to put her back together again!" To which Mami awkwardly smiles in agreement while internally musing
"That little brat! I'm gonna beat her ass with a tire iron someday." And thus the Puella Magi set off to locate this fortune teller.
In the other side of the station we find Zafira in his wolf form and Erio Mondal two of the recently appointed "Find the Puella Magi with haste so that they may be executed swiftly task force" members looking at a map of the local area. Erio can barely hold the map and comments. "Why are we even here Zafira? I really don't think Shamal should have sent us to do this!" Zafira comments "Does it matter? After all its not like Bakura can do much in battle. Besides I would rather be here than anywhere near when she is eating. NOBODY should get orgasms from eating steak. (shudders)" "What happened to your Scooby Doo voice anyway?"
"It was dumb Erio so the authors stopped using it. Hmm... Fortune teller Crystal man..." "Should we go Zafira?"
As we head to Crystal man's house of prophecy we find Erio on the rooftops stalking the Puella Magi with his rocket/spear/thing Strada on one hand and a high powered sniper rifle on the other one, along with Zafira behind him asking reluctantly "Why are we using a gun anyway? We are magicians after all." With Erio answering "It'll work Zafira! After all camping doesn't get abused in Call of Duty for nothing! I can see it now...
(fantasizing in chibi form) I will shoot down those girls with my sniper rifle to destroy their soul gems one by one until they go down. The top brass will be so happy they will say. This is all thanks to Eiro Mondal!
Lets give him a big promotion and transfer him away from section six." "Hey Bullseye! They're getting away!" yelled Zafira as Erio woke up. "And leave your boss fantasies for later!" Erio in the shock loses his grip firing off randomly hitting a nearby window, a bunch of pots, a car engine, and finally Zafira's right eye. As Zafira yells and withers from the pain transforming into human mode, a large muscular dog eared man, in rage. Clutching his bloodied eye with one hand and taking Erio's gun smashing him in the balls causing him to keel over where Zafira strips and rams the rifle up Erio's ass with him yelling "Oh Jesus! Please don't kill me Zafira! I'm sorry! Strada, HELP ME!" "Why should someone from the master race obey you? I still must kill the heathen intelligent devices." "(holding back tears) Don't do this to me Strada!"
In that instance the other Wokenritter, Sigmun, Vita, and Shamal, Sigmun says in a command tone "Calm down Zafira! We need him alive, after all he is paying dinner for this screw up." Zafira backs down and goes back to his blue wolf form with Sigmun asking Shamal "Bakura, can you heal Zafira?" To which Shamal nods and goes to Zafira to heal him while Vita goes to Erio and takes the rifle off Erio's ass commenting
"Well you did a number on Zafira, anyway we'll take care of this so take a break. But after this is done you're going into the happy fun-time behavioral correction room for three days." Vita then walks away as tears and urine flow from under Erio as he falls unconscious.
Some time later the Puella magi arrive at Crystal man's house of fortune telling, where they meet Crystal man, a robot master whom kinda looks like a clear blue ninja covered in balls... seriously... "Ah, ladies come in! I have been expecting you." Crystal man commented at the amazed girls with the exception of Homura who just stands there stoically. "So you are looking for a Kyubey fellow aren't you?" Sayaka blurts out in amazement "Yes! How do you know?" "Fifty bucks..." Mutters Crystal man to the group which looks quizzically prompting him to add "My fee..." Sayaka then flips out yelling "FIFTY BUCKS?! This is extortion dammit! Kyoko, pay him..." Kyoko comments "Sorry I'm out, what about you Mami?" "Sorry, I'm broke too. I don't suppose Yuma has anything on her?" "Not me, I got nothing. We already spent all our funds on the bus trip anyway." As the group collectively sighs Homura pulls out a fifty dollar bill and puts it on the table saying "This should cover it." As Crystal man takes the bill and stores it the rest of the group look at Homura with teary anime eyes about to cry in gratitude. Something that annoys Homura visibly whom quietly mutters. "There's no need for this..." Crystal man pulls out a crystal globe along with a computer keyboard and mouse and mutters. "Oh mighty Google! Use your powers to find the proper blogsite so we may discover the future of this girls." After making a browser screech for several seconds the info appears in
heavy spoiler tags and Crystal man uses his mouse to pass thru them. "It seems your next stop is in New York city, and the blond girl will die in a short while." Mami then asks "What do you mean I will..."
A huge explosion rocks the entrance to the store taking with it the door, windows and wall of the building. And in the shadow four figures appear yelling out. "I am the knight of the sword, the mighty general of fire. Sigmun!" "Knight of the crimson hammer, the unbreakable iron count. Vita!" "I am the knight of the lake, the maiden of the healing wind. Shamal!" "And I am the shielding blue beast, guardian beast of steel, Zafira!"
"We are the swirling clouds that gather across the night sky, Kishi Sentai (ass kicking poses) Wokenritter! (explosions)
As everyone else lies in shock and Crystal man collapsed under rubble. Mami asks defiantly "Who are you people?!" Only for a japanese toku song to start playing in the background. Causing Vita to lunge out yelling "Lets go Graf Eisen!" and with Graf Eisen who changes into gigant mode yelling "Suck my Sauerkraut!" Striking Mami right on top of her head crushing her skull flat causing many bits of Mami's head to splatter across the floor dropping dead. As the manly voice of Masaki Endoh begins to sing the Wokenritter theme song "Kishi Sentai Wokenritter" Kyoko yells "Oh my god! You killed Mami!" With Shamal adding "Vita! That was a really bastard thing to do!" "What do you want?!" Kyoko angrily yells at the group to which Sigmun responds "We have orders from general Q.B. Ey to stop you terrorists. Surrender or suffer our wrath!" Both sides prepare for battle, Kyoko starting out by plunging her spear into the ground causing it to sprout out in its snake form which leads the Wokenritter to scatter and Kyoko to yell out "That little white prick! I can't believe he sicked the Federation military on us!" Sayaka yelled out "What the fuck?!" and in a louder and more freaked out voice "THE MILITARY!?" Kyoko continues with "Yeah, Special section 6 the Federation's elite magical incident situation response group. They get used against groups like the Negaverse!" The Puella magi look in shock as the Wokenritter counterattack, Sigmun launches her Hiryu issen,
Vita her Schwallbeflegien, and Zafira uses his Shugo no kiboshi in a coordinated attack striking the surviving four girls, with Kyoko and Sayaka dodging, Yuma blocking and Homura getting blown back crashing her into the rear of the store. Sayaka yells out "Damnit!" and Yuma grabs begins to strike the ground with her hammer staggering the Wokenritter causing them to go into the air and Sayaka launches a large number of swords which are blocked by Shamal who fires out a large barrier who brags "Sorry wankers, but it'll take more than that to stop us." And then the remaining three Wokenritter split up to flank their foes. Sigmun to the left against Yuma, Sigmun to the right and towards Sayaka and Zafira above going behind Kyoko quickly going into human mode and punching Kyoko in the back and spin kicking her into the ground smashing into the broken front wall. Yuma shocked and scared tries to head to Kyoko and is intercepted by Vita who begins to clash hammer and staffs with Yuma. Sigmun powered toward Sayaka who tries to block Sigmun's sword only to shatter with ease. Forcing her into the defensive only to be caught by Shamal's commandment chain spell, letting Sigmun get close charging up several cartridges and igniting her sword smashing her into Sayaka's head knocking her out cold. Meanwhile Vita is on the offensive striking with Graf Eisen and finishing with a flying bicycle kick into Yuma who is staggered and thrown across the room and firing off a Raketenhammer attack which smashes out Yuma's kitty staff and bash Yuma into a wall throwing her into the curb and into a parking meter. "As the Wokenritter stand down Sigmun comments "Good job guys,
lets put them in cuffs and... Suddenly all four defeated magical girls disappear instantly to the surprise of their victorious foes. Zafira commented "Not good we must have missed the time traveler..."
With Shamal adding "This isn't good! We wrecked this place!" Sigmun says "Yes, lets get out of here before the police gets here." Then they are hit with crystal shots when they notice a very angry Crystal man and police beginning to swarm with guns drawn around the building causing the foursome to drop their weapons and raise their hands in surrender. Shamal finishing by saying "Wow! I'm impressed by their response..."
And Sigmun replying "Shut up Bakura."
In an alley several blocks away of the mayhem we see Homura who has rescued the battered and beaten three girls and dead fourth. "Good were safe now Homura commented while Sayaka complained
"Shit! Shit! Shit! Couldn't you have done something Homura?!" "You know as well as I do Sayaka Miki that they had the element of surprise in their hands. And if they are from the military we don't have much of a hope against them. Unlike us they are genuine magicians and aren't limited by the Puella magi system." Sayaka sighs with Kyoko commenting "So now what? Do we go to New York or what? Sayaka hits the floor with her palm and yells out "We are going! We didn't come all the way from Japan to stop now! We are going and that's that! Yuma fix up Mami because were going to the big apple!" As everyone minus Homura goes to Mami's remains Homura barely hiding her contempt ponders. "This is ridiculous! I'm here to find Madoka, and instead I'm stuck saving Sayaka Miki. I guess I'll tag along for now at least until we reach New York."
Back in Beverly Hills we find Lalah and Stellar in Lalah's store just finishing the locking of the store. Stellar is giddy and jumping around exclaiming "This is so cool! Going on an adventure with Lalah-oneechan to find Shinn-kun." Lalah then added "Yup, the Elmeth 2 wont let us down that's for sure!" "I wonder if Sting and Auel will miss us Lalah-oneechan?"
And in the extendeds house... Sting and Auel are having a party in celebration of our heroes leaving complete with salsa music and booze. Auel yells out "This is great! Now we can get real booze in the house!
Let's get fucking wasted!" Sting agreeing says "Yes, to finally having some peace and quiet! Cheers!"
To be continued