A/N: Another update? So soon? Crazy, I know. I don't know what came over me :)
Happy America weekend!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not a character to my name.
Reviews: I loved all of the feedback on the last chapter! It gave me the warm and fuzzies. You guys are so sweet and always know just what to say to keep me going and make me a better writer.
Rating: T
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As Donna sits on her couch, words beginning to blur on the page she was trying to read, she knows in the pit of her stomach that she needs to go to bed now. It was one in the morning, and most nights she'd be fast asleep by now. But the prospect of an empty bed, so wonderful a week ago, was now daunting. Irritable, she tosses the file she'd been reading onto the coffee table and draws her knees to her chest. Her back hurt enough to warn her against sleeping out here on the couch, but the thought was tempting. There was less space out here.
Jolting awake at around 1:30, she rushes to the bathroom and is forced to revisit that night's dinner before she finally decides to retire to the bedroom for the night. She flips off the lights, which does little to ease her current state of mind, and crawls under the duvet.
She can't sleep.
She hates herself for missing him this badly. She drags herself out of bed and to the dresser, where she roots around before finding a sweatshirt of his to pull on. She wraps her arms around herself, breathing in the reassuring scent. She returns to bed, feeling slightly better.
At 2, she finds herself staring at her cell phone on the night stand. No, she tells herself. It's mid-morning there, he's bound to be in meetings. She turns over to face the window, determined not to call.
At 2:15, the tears start. She can't hold them in any longer, and they drip on to the pillow. She was just so tired. And she was so alone, and going through so many new things that she wasn't able to share with anyone. And, to top it all off, she was hungry - and yet, repulsed by all food.
She reaches for the phone and dials before she can stop herself. Propped against the headboard, tears flowing freely, she listens to it ring once... Twice... Three times...
"This is Josh Lyman, Chief of Staff to President Santos. Leave a message and I'll get back to you if you're important enough."
Hearing his voice does little to stem the flow, and her words come out harsh and choked. "Hey, it's me. I know you're probably busy right now, and I should be asleep, but I can't sleep, and it's all your fault, and stupid Aberforth here isn't helping much, and I just want to tell someone already, and... I miss you." The last sentence is punctuated by a sob. She takes a shuddering breath and continues. "You win, I miss you, and I feel like such an idiot. Because I should be able to go a few weeks without you, you know? I've done it before. But everything is changing, and you're not here, and you're missing it, and I can't sleep, and I just want you here to talk to. I just want to see you. I just want..."
She trails off, frustrated by her muddled thoughts. "If I keep calling in the next few minutes, I'm sorry, but it's just because I want to hear your voice."
She hangs up, staring at her phone in shock. Had she really just left such a pitiful, rambling message? Had she really fallen so low? With shaking hands, she wipes her eyes. She stays sitting up, watching as the illuminated screen goes black, and thinks about ways to keep Josh from hearing that message. She briefly considers leaving a second, explanatory message to apologize for the first, when her phone begins to vibrate. She scrambles to answer upon seeing that it's him.
"Hey." She greets, thankful that she sounded relatively normal now.
"Hey. Is there a reason that you called me?"
"Oh, it's just... Well..."
"Because I saw that you'd left a message, and I know that it's like two in the morning, so I got a little worried."
"So you didn't listen to the message?"
"No, I didn't, I just called you back as soon as I got a break between meetings. Why, what's it about?"
"Oh, it's nothing." She says quickly, relieved. "I wouldn't even bother listening to it. I was just having a little trouble sleeping and figured I'd call and see where you were up to."
"Don't tell me Agamemnon is keeping you up." She can hear the smile in his voice.
"They are, actually. Algernon has been particularly obnoxious this evening."
"It's the size of a peach pit, Donna." Her husband replies incredulously.
"Doesn't stop it from causing morning sickness. Two in the morning sickness, to be specific."
"God, I'm sorry. Tell Barthomolew to knock it off, from me. I think the kid can sense my authority."
She giggles despite herself. "Hey, you can't move on to the B's yet! We hadn't exhausted all of the A's."
"Hadn't we?"
"Alfalfa. Asher. Acker. Azerbaijan."
"That last one is just a country."
"I'm really tired, okay?"
"Well, how about I let you go then? And let you get some sleep?"
"But I can't sleep, Josh. That's the problem."
"I really don't know how to remedy this situation."
"You could tell me a story."
"..."
"..."
"...I am in a hallway right now. With a lot of people walking by me. Important people. Like the prime minister."
"And?"
She can hear him sigh on the other end, and pictures his frustrated smile. "And I don't think anyone will be able to take me very seriously in my next meeting if they happen to catch me telling my wife a story."
"That sounds like a real predicament you've got yourself in."
"It does."
"You're the one that knocked me up. You've gotta pay the price."
"God bless America."
"I'm waiting."
"Okay, so, once, there was this guy."
"Ooh, a guy."
"And he was kind of a jerk. Like, he yelled at all his incompetent subordinates, and never slept, and just in general his life kind of sucked. He lived to work."
"This guy sounds familiar."
"Don't get me wrong, he was really good at his job. Like, really good. And he was also extremely good looking."
"That doesn't sound relevant."
"Anyway, he met this girl. This really annoying girl, who talked a lot, and contradicted him, and generally tried to force him to live life."
"And did he hate it?"
"Actually, he didn't. She was the only thing that made his life bearable."
"I've gotta ask. Was she a princess?"
"Don't start with me."
Donna lets out a peal of laughter. "Okay. Go on."
"So this girl. He kept her around for years and years because he liked her so much. And one day she up and left because, you know, our guy is a jerk. But like, a lovable jerk."
"Of course."
"And his life was miserable again."
"Tell me there's a happy ending to this."
"There is. They reconciled. They finally realized they were in love with each other-"
"Aw. Was it fate? Was it true love?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever. But this guy was happier than he'd ever been."
"I'm not too invested in him. Not a terribly likable character you've created."
"And, ya know, happily ever after. Marriage, kids, the works. Loads of sex."
"This is not your average fairy tale."
"Until-"
"No! Not an until!"
"Our guy is sent all the way across the ocean from his wife."
"Ooh. Ouch."
"And while she obviously misses him more-"
"Hey!"
"He's not doing too well either."
"Aw."
"He really misses her. Like, he's thinking about trying to swim back. That's how badly he misses her. And his kid, Agatha."
"You went back to the A's!"
"As requested."
"I really miss you."
"Yeah. I miss you too. Only another week."
"Eight days."
"That's only one extra day."
"Right. One extra day." Not that it made a difference. One more day of nausea, of secrets. One more night of emptiness.
"I gotta go."
"Right. I hope no one heard your story. Though it wasn't half bad."
"I think the coast is clear. Definitely got a weird look from Otto, but like, who cares?"
"Thanks for that, by the way."
"Yeah, any time."
"I love you."
"I love you too. I'll call you tonight, okay?"
"My tonight or yours?"
"Mine."
"Okay. Bye."
"Tell Antonin I'm watching them. Bye."
She hangs up, slightly mollified, and drifts off to sleep.
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"Hey, Sam."
"Hey, Donna." Sam looks up at her over the rims of his glasses. "What's up?"
She drifts into his office, taking her time examining the pictures and diplomas on the wall. "Not much. Just thought I'd stop by and say hi."
"Are you off for the night?"
"Yeah, I am." She sinks back onto the couch against his back wall, and smiles at him. "You know, Josh never had a couch in here."
"You're right. Probably because it would've tempted him to, like, lie down or something. God forbid."
She chuckles. After a moment, she falls sideways and curls up on the sofa, drawing her knees to her chest. Sam looks at her sympathetically.
"Rough day?"
"You could say that."
"What happened?"
"Well, for one, the Post is running a shot from today's garden shoot of a little boy crying beside the First Lady. Two, the editor of the Post tried to persuade me to give him an exclusive on her personal parenting philosophies in exchange for not running it. Plus there's all of that going down with the leadership change at the WLC and accusations of nepotism. But, honestly? It's all just a day in the life."
"Right." Sam agrees, slightly puzzled. "So then... What was so bad?"
"I don't know. I feel sick."
"I'm sorry."
"And I want to go home. But I don't want to go home."
He nods in understanding. "You miss Josh."
She looks up at him sharply. "Take that back."
"Donna. C'mon. You're married to him. At some point, you're going to have to start admitting that you like him."
She smiles slightly. "Of course I like him."
"I know you do."
"But that doesn't mean I'm not perfectly fine for a few weeks on my own. I am. I'm fine without him." She says adamantly.
"Of course you are. But you're allowed to miss him." He persists.
She sighs. Her eyes drift out of focus, and her hand rests gently on her abdomen. "Hey Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I tell you a secret?"
"Of course."
She smiles guiltily. She couldn't keep it to herself anymore. "I'm pregnant."
Sam blinks a few times before schooling his expression to one of surprise. "You are? Oh my god, Donna, congratulations!"
Donna narrows her eyes. "You don't sound all that surprised."
"I am! I mean, it's just, I had my suspicions, because you were... Umm..."
"Okay, I'll stop you right there." She sits up and glares at him. "Did Josh tell you?"
Sam looks away from her in shame. "Yes. He did."
"That bastard! We weren't supposed to tell anyone yet. And I wanted to be the one to tell you!"
"He was just really excited, Donna."
"That's no excuse! I'm excited too, that doesn't mean I've been gabbing about it to everyone I know."
"Everyone he knows? Donna, I'm his best friend."
"Still."
"And, I have it on good authority that you told CJ."
Her eyes widen. "That's different."
"And your assistant, Jamie?"
"Hey! He's in charge of reminding me to take my prenatal vitamins."
Sam smiles, shaking his head. "I'm really happy for you guys, Donna."
"Thanks, Sam."
"And if it helps, now that you're mad at Josh, you probably won't miss him as much."
She frowns. "Actually, it makes me miss him more."
"How?"
"Because it's so typical of him! And I'd want to fight with him about it, and then he'd win me over by telling me how excited he was, and then we'd make up, and... Ugh. I'm hopeless."
Sam gives her his patented romantic grin. "No you're not. You're just in love."
"Leave me alone."
"You should go home, Donna. It's getting late, and you need your rest."
"You do too." She protests, dreading her empty apartment.
Sam laughs dryly. "Yeah, well. When half of your staff is in another country, you have to put in a little extra effort."
"Right. At least you were trusted with holding down the fort."
"I guess. Didn't Leo always used to hold down the fort? And Josh got to go on the trips?"
Donna shrugs. "You know how he is. He's gotta be there. He has to do it himself, he has to see everything for himself. It's annoying, believe me, I know, but it's just how he is."
"Yeah. I guess. Very few things could keep him from that trip."
She looks down at her lap sadly. "Yeah. Right."
Sam smiles knowingly, giddy with the knowledge of his own secret. "You should go home, Donna. Who knows? Maybe things will look better in the morning."
She stands reluctantly. "Maybe. Thanks for talking to me, Sam."
"Any time."
"Have a good night."
"You too."
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It's close to midnight, and Donna is having the exact same fight with herself that she'd had the night before. Go to bed. No, stay up.
To make matters worse, she hadn't gotten any calls from Josh that day, despite his promise, and he hadn't picked up when she'd eventually given in and made the call herself.
That's when she hears it. A faint rustling coming from the front hall. At first, she ignores it. But then, she swears she hears the sounds of the lock clicking. Alarm flares inside her chest, and for a moment she is paralyzed. She definitely wasn't imagining it. Someone was trying to get into the apartment. What the hell do I do?
In an instant, she's on her feet, and she grabs the closest thing to her. A lamp. She unplugs it and holds it in front of her, creeping cautiously to the living room doorway. She peers around it, and though the entry hall is dark, she swears she can see the lock turning. She stands, poised, her heart hammering in her throat.
The door creaks open, and a figure shuffles in the door. She stands still, taut, watching, until-
"Hey, ow! What the hell?" The intruder cries incredulously as she flings herself at him, sprinting down the hall and wrapping her arms tightly around him.
"You're back!"
"Why are you holding a lamp?"
She buries her head in his shoulder, beaming uncontrollably. Thankfully, he'd caught her, so her four-limbed hug didn't end with both of them sprawled on the floor. "I thought you were a burglar."
"And you grabbed a lamp?"
She doesn't answer, but allows herself to be lowered back to the floor, grinning at him madly. He continues to stare at her in concern.
"Okay, I know I'm anti-gun and all, but I'm buying you a handgun. End of story. My scrawny Midwestern wife is not going to be fighting off intruders with a lamp. It's not happening."
"Hey. I'm scrappy."
"Yeah, sure."
"You're back." She repeats in a whisper, eyes glowing. For the first time, he returns her smile.
"Yeah. Hopped on a plane as soon as I could get away."
"Why? What happened?"
"I listened to your message."
She stares at him in confusion for a moment before she remembers. "Oh my god, I told you not to listen to that." She groans, a blush forming on her cheeks.
"I know, I know. But I was, umm, trying to listen to a different one, and I clicked it, and..."
She raises her eyebrows.
"Okay. Fine. I wanted to hear your voice, okay? There. So I listened to it, and it was all pathetic and whatnot, so-"
"Hey!"
"So I got on a plane." He shrugs. "I just, well... Yeah."
Despite residual embarrassment, she searches his eyes. "What about the summit?"
He shrugs again. "What else do I have staff for if not to do that stuff for me?"
"You're not worried about missing it?"
He smiles. "Nah. The only thing I'm worried about missing is you having another meltdown."
She hits his shoulder lightly. "Jerk."
"Hey. I love you."
She melts, leaning into his kiss. "I love you too."
When he pulls back, he smiles, resting his hand on her abdomen. "And I love, umm... Aston."
"I think we should move on to the B's."
"Oh, thank god." He wraps his arms around her waist. "So, what's the plan? You weren't in bed yet?"
"No. Couldn't sleep."
"You need your rest."
"Just stay up with me. For a little while. You just got back."
He shrugs. "Alright. What do you want to do?"
"We could watch TV."
"Okay."
"Though I'm warning you, in about fifteen minutes, I'll probably be either really hungry, or really horny."
His face splits into a grin. "Okay, if it's one or the other, I can take care of that. If it's both, we could have a problem."
They curl up on the couch, putting on the news. She can't stop thinking about Sam's comment. Very few things could keep him from that trip. Warmth spreads through her extremities, and she no longer feels nauseous. She shouldn't be surprised, anymore, when he puts her first. But it was reassuring, with a baby on the way. Which reminds her...
"I can't believe you told Sam I was pregnant." She is unsurprised when she feels him tense.
"Shit." He mutters. "Sam is such a rat."
"It's okay. I don't mind."
"You don't?"
"No, it's fine. I know you were just excited."
He relaxes in relief. "Exactly. I just got carried away, and Sam knew something was up, and I always tell him stuff, and..."
"I get it. You had to gab with your gal pal. I do it too."
"You're the worst."
"You love me."
"I take it all back. The romantic gesture, all of it. I'm going back to the summit."
"Hey. I have a craving."
He sighs. "Okay. Fine. I will attempt to track it down, at midnight. No problem. What do you want?"
She grins widely. "You."
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2+ years later
"Okay. That was... Wow." Matt stands with his hands on his hips, staring at his deputy Chief of Staff in shock. "We haven't had a blow up like that since the first campaign."
Sam shakes his head, staring numbly at his best friend. "I know. That poor kid."
Otto had run out to comfort the intern, who was in tears. The rest of the staff stood in stunned silence, still feeling the reverberations of Josh's outburst. The Chief of Staff had retreated to his makeshift office in the Texas campaign headquarters, and was currently resting his head on his desk.
"What the hell is wrong with him?" Matt voices what they're all thinking.
"I think I know, sir." Sam says with resignation.
"What is it?"
"We should go talk to him. I know how to solve this. But you should be warned, he's probably going to spill his personal life all over the place and we'll all have to hear about it."
Some of the other staffers (those more inclined to gossip) perk up at this, whereas others roll their eyes.
Lou sighs. "I think we can handle it. Senior staff during the last months of Donna's first pregnancy was basically just a seminar on his feelings about fatherhood."
Sam shrugs. "He has a one track mind."
Matt nods somberly. "Alright. Let's go talk to him."
"Just you and I, sir. The rest of you gossip hounds can stay out here."
Bram and Ronna wilt noticeably. Matt and Sam approach Josh's door cautiously, and Sam knocks. He opens it without waiting for a reply, and moves to stand beside his best friend. "Josh. What the hell was that about?"
Josh groans. "I'm sorry."
"That was the blackberry incident of 2006 all over again. What's gotten in to you?"
He shrugs listlessly.
"Pick up your head, Josh." Matt commands.
His Chief of Staff does as directed, and stares through them with round, unfocused eyes.
"What's wrong, Josh?"
"What isn't?"
"...you'll have to be more specific."
"I'm the worst."
"At what?"
"At everything. This job. Fatherhood. All of it."
Sam sighs. They're in it for the long haul now. "You miss them, don't you?"
"Of course I miss them! I've been working non stop trying to keep this campaign afloat, I'm traveling every other week, and when I'm there I'm not really there. I'm missing it, Sam. I'm missing it."
"What have you missed?"
Josh glares at him. He'd buzzed his hair again recently, and in combination with the weight he'd lost over the past six months, he had begun to look something like a convict. "I missed a sonogram."
"You missed... A sonogram?"
"Yeah. I missed a sonogram."
"One, as in... A singular sonogram?"
"Yeah." Josh says frustratedly. "And I'm not seeing Noah as much as I should. I mean, we've got, what, a year and a half until he starts school?"
"Pre-school, Josh." Matt reminds him. "Which only runs for like three hours of the day."
"Still." Josh says dismissively. "He's eighteen months old. That's such a great age."
Matt smiles knowingly. "Every age is a great age when it's your kid, Josh."
"Exactly! It'd be better if they could fly out with me, but no, she's third trimester, so she can't. And I'm missing that, too. The baby kicking. The mood swings. The out of control hormones, which had a major upswing, if you know what I'm talking about."
Sam rolls his eyes. "I do."
"We got into a fight before I left. It was over something stupid. I wanted her to take more half days or something. Who cares, I don't know. But it got ugly, and now she's pissed at me. She won't answer my calls. She won't even text me."
Sam raises his eyebrows. "Oh, that's bad. She loves texting."
"Exactly!"
"She sent me a photo of your son fifteen minutes ago."
Josh stares at him pointedly. "Let me see."
Sam hands him his cell phone, and his best friend's eyes soften as he looks at the picture of the eighteen month old covered in yogurt. "God dammit. I can't do this anymore."
"But if you scroll up, you'll see that she also asked me to make sure you were eating. And that you were staying away from Red Bull."
This elicits a slight smile. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. So she is worried about you, even if she's pissed at you."
"Yeah, well. There's not much I can do, right? There's a fundraiser tonight. We've got a breakfast meeting back in DC. I'm trapped."
"Like hell you are." Matt scoffs. He stomps into the main office space, where most of his staff is staring through Josh's window rather than being productive. "Ronna, get this man a plane ticket to DC, would you? He's going to go see his wife."
He returns to Josh's office. "We can get by without you, you insufferable ego maniac."
Josh's eyes widen. "Really? I can go?"
"Yes, you can go. And if I so much as see you in the West Wing again for the next two days, you're fired."
His Chief of Staff grins at this threat. "Thank you, sir."
"Yeah. Of course. And Josh?"
"Sir?"
"Don't sweat the small stuff. You're doing fine."
Sam nods. "I certainly missed a few sonograms."
"Me too." Matt affirms. "And if you made it through one kid without missing a single one? Then I'm impressed."
"I never miss them." Josh says doggedly. "But between the embassy crisis and the nuclear energy talks, I just..." He trails off, obviously disappointed in himself.
Matt rolls his eyes. "Were you there for his first words?"
"Yeah." Josh smiles at the memory. He hadn't even cared that it'd been 'Mama,' he'd been so thrilled.
"Were you there for his first steps?"
"Yes." And he'd caught him when he stumbled.
Sam and Matt share a look. "You're doing fine, Josh. Trust me." Sam tells him earnestly.
"I... Am?"
"You really are."
They're interrupted by a knock on the door. Ronna pokes her head in. "Sorry to interrupt, but is a flight that leaves in an hour too soon?"
"No." Josh says quickly. "No, it's not. Book it."
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When Josh lets himself in later that night, he finds his wife sitting on the couch, legs up and reading. She looks up at him over her reading glasses. "You're back." She greets without warmth.
Wordlessly, he crosses the room to her, shifting her legs and sitting down beside her.
"Hey, what are you-"
He wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer and resting his chin on her shoulder. He'd be holding her even more tightly if it weren't for her massive baby bump.
"Josh, ugh. Let go of me."
"No."
He continues to hold on to her, and eventually she relaxes. He hears her sigh, and he smiles. He was home.
"Why are you back early?"
"Because. I missed you."
"Didn't you have a fundraiser tonight?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Josh..."
"I have two days off, by the way."
She finally manages to pull away from him, and looks at him cautiously. "Like... Two full days off?"
"Yes."
"Two months out from the election?"
"Yeah."
"How'd you manage that?"
"It doesn't matter." He repeats. He grins at her. "You should take off work too. Stay home with me."
She gives him a look. "Josh. I can't."
"Sure you can."
"I have to work."
"You can't work, you're the size of a blimp."
She glares at him. "So, first you pick a fight with me, then you skip town, then you come back, unannounced, and now you're insulting me to try and get me to spend more time with you? What the hell is the matter with you?"
"I've missed you." He says plaintively. "It was a joke, I'm sorry."
"I'm going to work tomorrow."
"Fine. Go to work. I'll stay home with Noah. It'll be great."
"You're going to spend two days taking care of him by yourself?"
"Yeah. I can do it. I can be a house husband for a couple days." He attempts another smile.
"Is this funny to you? What's gotten into you?"
He sighs. "I love you. That's all I'm trying to say. I love you, and I've missed you, and I want to be around you more. And Noah, obviously. I don't want to miss anything."
"You haven't missed anything."
"I missed a sonogram."
She stares at him. "Two weeks ago? Josh, that wasn't a big deal-"
"It was a big deal. It's a big deal to me. And I missed it this morning when Noah was covered in yogurt, and I've missed you yelling at me about pistachio ice cream, and I've missed the seven-months-along sex craze, and... I'm just tired of it. I'm not going to be Leo. I'm not going to lose you to this."
She bites her lip. "You've been around for plenty of that, Josh."
"But not all of it."
"No one can be around for all of it. No one's perfect."
"But I can do better." He says determinedly.
She looks into his eyes, which are set, and she offers a small smile. "She's kicking."
"What?"
"She's kicking. Do you want to feel it?"
His eyes widen. "Yeah. I do." He says softly.
She takes his hand gently and places it on her side. When he feels the tiny kick, his face lights up with that awestruck smile. "She's been kicking since you came in, actually. I think she recognizes your voice."
His eyes are huge. "You think?"
"Yeah. Which means you've definitely been around a lot."
He scrunches up his forehead. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?"
"For the stupid half day argument? Yeah. You're forgiven." She smiles. "But for calling me a blimp? No. You're going to have to keeping working for that."
He grins, and nods. He laces their fingers together. "I'll make it up to you. I'll do anything."
"How?"
"How does lots of pistachio ice cream and sex sound to you?"
She laughs. "I've been feeling peppermint, actually."
He sighs dramatically, and stands. "Okay. I'm heading out, then."
"No, wait." She stands too. "Don't go. You just got here."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Stay." She places her hands on his chest. "Keep me company."
"Does this mean you missed me too?"
She rolls her eyes. "Of course, you idiot."
"Knew it."
"Just shut up and kiss me." She murmurs, pulling him close and pressing her lips to his. He obliges contentedly. He tangles his hands in her hair and loses himself in the feeling of being home. God, he'd missed her.
He pulls back as she starts to tug him toward the bedroom. He smiles at her. "I'll be in in a minute. I just want to..." He gestures behind him, and she understands. She nods, and follows him wordlessly.
They enter their son's room as quietly as they can, and stand at the edge of his crib. Josh peers in, the same awestruck look of before spreading across his face. He watches his son sleep as his wife wraps her arms around his waist, smiling up at him. A lump forms in his throat - the good kind. He kisses the top of her head.
"You okay?" She asks softly.
He swallows. After a moment, he whispers back, "You know this is the most important job to me, right?"
She stares up at him, at this man she'd once thought incapable of something like this. A man who once slept at his desk, who rarely went home, who didn't even bother to put a couch in his office. "Yeah. I do."
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Thanks for reading, everyone! Let me know what you think!