Dark was the night.

Darker was the aura of malice, anger, and possessing intent that swirled around my fairly small bedroom. Yuigahama to my left, and Yukinoshita to my right, both facing opposite directions their backs to me as I stayed put in the center, on my back, staring at the ceiling with a mild sense of panic. Any slight shift, down to a leg or arm movement, would cause them to turn their head subtly. They thought they were coy about it, but I've become used to feeling eyes on me. My ability to feel the eyes of predator is unmatched! But, this is incredibly uncomfortable. I'm a side sleeper! But if I turn to one, the other will snap my neck instantly. I wear a frown that no one else can see, and fidget. The rustling of hair on pillow cases alerts me to their investigation, and I let out a sigh.

"Let me sleep on the floor. I can't do this."

"No way."

"Out of the question, Hikigaya."

"Look, I can't sleep on my back! It's uncomfortable!"

"So sleep on your side, Hikki!"

"Yes, Hikigaya. Feel free to sleep on your side."

W-What was with that venom in the last line?! Was that a threat? That totally was, you know?! With sweat rolling down my brow, I began to toss and turn, attempting to get comfortable without giving one side bias. Alas, it was completely impossible. If I turned too much, I would be closer to one than the other, and the one opposite of me would begin pulling out their respective knife! Aaaaugh!

Wait.

Yes!

Flipping over completely, and drawing a slight gasp from Yukinoshita as I do so, I begin to lie on my stomach. With a slight sigh of triumph, I can finally feel my body begin decompressing. Stomach sleeping is the ultimate way to sleep, in retrospect. Letting the entire front area of your form sink into a blissfully soft surface is almost like letting it leech the riajuu's memetic tendencies and parasites out of you, purifying each and every zone of your being until you awake as the ultimately refreshed lonesome creature you were always meant to be. Truly, stomach sleeping is the laziest- I mean, most effective way to sleep. I actually smiled as I heard them both sigh, my eyes closed as I calmed my breathing. I can ignore them like this. I've won! Hikigaya is number one in the wooooooooorld! However, my eyes do open briefly. I can see Yuigahama looking over her shoulder at me, her face mostly visible as her gaze locks with mine. She's wearing the same smile as she was earlier, eyes barely open. Slowly, however, her tongue runs across her own lips, and I feel my face flush. I can't look away as her tongue continues to do slight movements. Flicking out nonchalantly, moving in small circles…

Briefly, I register myself licking my own lips. Those movements, although I can't physically feel them...I can feel them against my own. I'm twitching slightly as she continues, the blush on her face growing stronger and stronger as I crumple. What is this crazy ranged attack?! It's insane! It's unfair! It's…dangerously arousing. Ah, no, I meant dangerously wrong! Yuigahama shifts a bit as she begins biting her own lip, a small film of sweat running down her face as her face is as red as her hair. Silently, she mouths my name as her legs grind against themselves, unable to stay still. Wait a second. I look a bit closer. Where is her hand…? I can see her arm, and I can register enough movement to tell that muscles within it are transmitting movement down to her wris. Trailing it with my eyes, the logical detection would be that it ends at…-

DANGEROUS!

The slight grin she wears blossoms forward a bit more at my realization, and I recoil. Her free hand moves up to her lips, pressing a finger against them as she keeps her eyes set on mine. I hate this. I hate this, but I can't look away. I can't bring myself to close my eyes for more than a few seconds. The slight hint of drool coming down the corner of her mouth, the silent panting as she occasionally seizes softly, the restless movement of her legs, it's all...sickeningly entrancing. If I turn my head, it'll just hurt my neck...I-I'm stuck like this. She suddenly winces, however, closing her eyes completely for but a moment. With her line of sight snapped, I close my own eyes, blushing furiously. I manage to keep them closed, despite feeling her eyes on me. I can see her through my eyelids, watching me and still going. Eventually, the feeling of being watched fades, coinciding with a soft sigh, and I am alone.

I didn't sleep that night. Time passed at an agonizingly slow pace. When sunlight finally began to beam into the room and I felt Yukinoshita rising, I put myself on a timer. Sixty seconds after she leaves, I rise as well, the dark bags under my eyes intensified by exhaustion. Advancing towards the bathroom, I open the door and step inside. However, the door closes behind me, and before I could register what's happening due to my extremely slowed reaction time, I'm assaulted by the cat. Yukinoshita's ability to attack is faster than a cobra! Her arms snake around my torso, clinging me closer to her as she proceeds to rest her head on my chest.

"Y-Yukino-"

"Silence."

She keeps herself pinned to me, putting so much pressure into her hug, it's as if she's trying to merge with me. Shakily, I bring my hand to my head and pet her. I can't fight back. If I appease her, that will be enough. She twitches a bit at first, but begins to actively move her head into my hand, grinding against it. Slowly, her grip loosens on me until it's gone completely, and she stands before me blushing.

"Sleep well…?"
"Not at all."

"Mm. I found myself to be quite comfortable."

I give her a weary grin.

"I'm sure. Do you mind if I splash some water on my face or something…?"

"Not at all, Hikigaya. Take your time."

I bend down, turning on the sink. Leaning over the basin, I let the water run over my hands and through my fingers. However, in the mirror, I can see Yukinoshita still standing there. Creeeepy.

"Uh...did you...need something?"

"Oh, not at all. Why do you ask?"

"Then, why are you still here?"

"Am I not supposed to be?"

Gah. Not this.

"Nevermind…"

Grumbling, I splash the water into my face. It's cool, and a bit shocking. I repeat the process a few times, letting the liquid wake me up a bit more each time, as well as returning my desperately depleted SAN score. When I finish, Yukinoshita passes me a towel, which I take gratefully. However, as I begin to thank her, she moves back forward. Her arms stretch out, and I move back - directly against the sink.

"H-Hey, what are you-"

I'm cut off by Yukinoshita. She places her lips on mine, almost forcefully, and holds herself there with her eyes closed. Immediately, my eyes shoot towards the door, wide with fear. Her arms have gripped themselves against my side, nails digging into my back. Her lips are soft. Almost always worn in a pout or a frown, I'm not sure what I expected. However, I cannot enjoy this. Yuigahama...if she comes in here now, I'm dead. I'm deader than dead. Yukinoshita holds the pose for another twenty seconds, though it feels like five minutes, and finally pulls back with a slight smile on her face.

"Good morning, honey."

I'm at a lack for words. Yukinoshita is dangerous. This entire day is dangerous. But, it's over...soon enough. I'm glad Yuigahama is still asleep.

"Hey, mama. I'll be home a bit later today…"

"Ah, Yui! How'd it go?"

"Not as good as I would've liked...Yukinoshita showed up."

"What? How did she know?!"

"Hikki's little sister told her where we were!"

"Nooo! That was such a good plan, too…"

"I-It's okay! We still were able to share a bed, just...all of us…"

"Yui! You didn't!"

"No, we didn't! I didn't! Nothing happened!...well, almost nothing…"

"Hooooh?"

"He, uhm, was able to see me...ahhh…"

"Don't worry about it. Continue on course, dear. Don't let that raven haired outsider take away your husband."

"Yes, mama~. I love you, see you later!"

"Bye bye, sweetie!"

Closing my phone, I give a glance to the sky outside of Hikki's window. I'm glad to have an understanding parent like my Mom. Whenever she tells me the story of how she and Dad met...it's so strikingly similar to me and Hikki, it fills me with determination. Ah, I just hope Dad's doing alright. She's always so assertive with him when I'm not around, never keeping his shackles comfortable. Mm. But, he'll be okay. Everything I've learned, I've picked up from Mom's teachings! And I'll be a better wife to Hikki than anyone could possibly imagine! Yeah! Go Yui!

ayy what up friends

Don't worry, the Isshiki oneshot is still up there. I was going to write THAT today, but I got this going instead. It's kind of brutal though, so people may be spooked.

Also possibly more Chinamizawa?