A/N: Not apologizing…Bella said I wasn't allowed, LOL.
Chapter 26
Edward sat in the backseat of his mother's car staring out at the passing scenery as she drove he and Bella about town in search of some place that he might call his new home. The pooling raindrops were tending to distract him as they danced across the glass, collecting near the arced slope of the window, the wind created by the car's motion pushing them along in serpentine like patterns. It was nice to have something to focus on, but he would love to be able to shut his thoughts down completely for an hour or so—regroup and start all over again, so that he might be able to enjoy this process as he had once hoped he might.
He had his elbow propped up against the door, his loosely fisted hand resting against the side of his face. Periodically he would adjust his posture and while doing so he would often tug at his shirtsleeve before resuming his previous position, perhaps after he'd pushed his glasses into a better place on his nose or he'd let his fingers comb through his hair a time or two. Each time he began to fidget he would notice Bella, who sat in front of him chatting quietly with his mother, discreetly redirect her attention to focus on him until she felt him settle again. He was trying his best to sit still and he would often reach forward and gently caress her shoulder to let her know that he was okay, but he just couldn't seem to relax enough to make his nervous habits completely go away this afternoon.
It was no one's fault really. Bella had been her usual calm, supportive self right from the moment that it had become obvious that Edward was starting to feel uncomfortable with the prospect of having to go out roaming about town today. His mother, for her part, had thankfully made every possible arrangement necessary to insure that Edward would not have to endure meeting anyone during their tour of the houses he had indicated an interest in.
So why was he so uncomfortable?
Unfortunately he didn't have a good answer to that question, likely explaining why he was still feeling so out of sorts.
The day had started off on a good note. Bella returning his thoughtful gesture from the day before, by showing up in Alice's doorway at the top of the stairs with a hot cup of coffee and an adorably disheveled appearance as she thought to wake him before she went back down to start some breakfast. They'd managed to sleep in till almost eleven, which was quite pleasant after having to deal so many emotionally taxing issues over the past few days. And it didn't even bother him that by her coming upstairs she finally discovered that indeed the set of nightclothes that his sister had thought to purchase for him were entirely unnecessary. The way that she'd let her hand appreciatively work its way across his bare chest, while telling him good morning was more than enough to erase any self conscious thoughts he might have been considering when she'd approached his bedside with him in such a state of undress. There was that and also the happy realization that practice did actually seemed to make these types of imitate encounters a bit easier. With time he suspected that he would welcome her touch upon his body as if it were the most natural thing in the world, instead of something that generally encouraged his heart and his stomach to quickly switch places within him.
"Have you thought to mention your plans for moving back to your sister by chance?"
His mother's question was obviously addressed to him, but Edward only managed to register that she was speaking, not really what she was saying. Only after Bella had shared a glance with Esme and reiterated the question did Edward seem to come out of his trance.
"I haven't mentioned anything to anyone besides you and Dad…and Bella." Edward said softly, a bit of a sigh following his words.
"You could tell her tonight; she and Jasper are suppose to come over and hang out." Bella suggested.
"Yeah." Was his simple response, his attention begging once again to focus on the passing trees and the water beading up on the window.
He should be more enthused by all of this. Last night when he'd taken the call from his mother and found himself inviting Bella to come along he had been so excited. For some reason at the time this all seemed rather easy and natural to him. Motivated by love and having seen just how much his family had missed him—worried about him, seemed to be all it would take to make him willing to finally try his hand at a normal existence. He was going to be moving back home, so to speak. He'd be more available to his parents and sister, he could rediscover all of the things he'd enjoyed about this place as a boy and he was undeniably pleased that he could be closer to Bella.
He'd been ignoring his problems and hiding away from everyone in order to make things easier on himself for too long and now it was time for a change. This was an opportunity for a fresh start and one he was fully willing to embrace, but it was quite obvious at this point that it wasn't going to be easy.
So far they had seen three of the five houses that were on Edward's list of potentials and Bella had recognized right readily that he was once again trying too hard. She had taken hold of Edward's hand as they walked up to the first house and gave him an encouraging smile. His fingers were tightly wrapped around hers and despite the cold feel of his hand she could tell that his palms were sweating slightly—an obvious sign of the stress he was feeling. She wished there was something more that she could do to help, but she knew by now the best she could offer him was silent support and the comfort of knowing he wasn't alone.
They quietly wandered hand in hand through the ground floor as Esme pointed out a few random details that might influence his like or dislike for the place. But it was when they had come to a standstill in front of the large picture window that faced out into the tiny backyard that Bella knew why Edward was so uncomfortable.
"What do you think, Baby?" he asked her as they stood together silently watching the activity of the neighborhood.
"It's a nice place, but your neighbors would be too close and there are too many of them." She looked up at him with a knowing smile and was rewarded by a deep chuckle.
"It's the closest to where you live; I was at least willing to look at it on the off chance that the neighbors would end up being the type you'd never see." He explained as he and Bella continued watching no fewer than three people walk within twenty feet or so of the house, two of whom actually stopped to wave.
"What's next Esme?" Bella asked for him, while giving his hand a reassuring little squeeze.
"We'll head out to the waterfront now; there are two places within walking distance of one another, then we have to drive just outside of the central township to look at the other two." She explained ushering everyone back outside as she locked up the place.
"Good?" Bella asked as Edward escorted her out to the car, opening the passenger door for her to get in. He didn't even look back at the house, confirming Bella's suspicion that he'd only even considered this place thanks to proximity to she and Alice.
"I will be." He promised, giving her hand a little kiss before closing the door and climbing into the back once again.
Edward adjusted his legs to accommodate the tight space available in the backseat and smile crookedly at Bella watching him in the rearview mirror. She had been concerned about his comfort in the confines of the backseat, but he had assured her that he would be fine. He wasn't going to allow his problems to hold up this process today, but he knew that he'd need some time alone with his thoughts. Sitting beside his mother, feeling a need to converse with her made him feel a bit queasy; and having Bella sit next to him in the back of his mom's car seemed just a bit the other side of juvenile. The compromise was to sit alone and ponder all that he'd experienced in the past day and a half, while hoping that no one would notice how difficult this really was for him.
He didn't mind at this point if Bella knew, but as always, he wanted to protect his mother from being shown the harsh extent of his issues.
Drifting off into his own little world as his mother got them headed west, he remembered how proud he was as he'd settled into bed last night. He was proud that he had managed to turn his brain off for a while that evening, and as a result he was pleased to discover that his father had been very right about a lot of things.
If he let Bella be in control he had nothing to fear. All he had to do was follow her lead and let his instincts guide him; a simple touch, a handful of words and a reliance on what he was feeling made all the difference in the world. Keeping things playful and light also seemed to help. As they laughed and joked about how awkward they both felt—freely admitting a severe lack of know how, despite the heavy presence of this hormone driven lust that surrounded them, they were able to successfully explore their boundaries a bit further.
It was an enjoyable experience and one that he hoped they might be able to have rather frequently—sitting on the floor near the coffee table sharing their dinner between sips of wine and stolen kisses.
He had tried on all of his new shirts, with Bella's assistance by then, her hands happy to be reminded of just how much they enjoyed the feel of his body each time she would help him remove one in favor of another. And with her permission he had allowed his own hands to find out just how wonderful the warm soft feel of her lower back was against his fingertips.
Their interaction was reasonably innocent, but eventually, once they no longer had their dishes in the way to complicate the process, Edward had again reached out to embrace her fully, the intensity of their passion quickly increasing.
He mentally informed his most eager appendage not to worry and that he'd be taking care of their needs a bit later, after he'd had a sufficient opportunity to say good night to Bella. For now however, he wasn't allowed to interfere—Edward having already made up his stubborn mind that no matter how persistent his mischievous little buddy wanted to be, no manner of attention seeking behavior could sway his control tonight.
"Bella," He'd whispered, a while later, his lips trailing along the column of her throat, lingering over her pulse point for a moment; his breath tickling her skin, his hands clutching her hips. A sound that could be classified somewhere between a moan and a hum answered in response to his words, causing a pleasant vibration to rattle her throat. As he continued to kiss and caress her neck, Bella let her hands take the short journey from where they were gripping his shoulders to comb up through the back of his hair, encouraging him to stay right where he was.
"Baby, tell me to stop." He'd urgently pleaded, his body becoming overwhelmed by her touch and her scent and the pleasurable sounds she was continuing to make. She was just so responsive and willing to trust him. He wasn't about to give in and touch her the way that he really wanted to, but he was aware enough to know that it was becoming far more difficult to ignore the urges. It was time to slow down.
Bella didn't necessarily want the moment to end, but she knew exactly what he was talking about by then. If he needed a break then she wasn't going to push for more; and though she was becoming perfectly comfortable with this level of intimacy she knew that if she allowed things to go much further then she wasn't sure what the next limit would be.
She'd pulled away slightly and let her hands now smooth down the mess that she'd made of his hair, her forehead coming to rest against his.
"I don't want to stop, but I know that we should." She had responded to her with a slight shake of his head.
He'd decided, somewhere along the line, that he needed Bella to know about what had happened that afternoon at his parents' house. He'd been suffering from varying levels of anxiety and self doubt his entire life, but the type of episode that he'd experienced earlier in the day was beyond what he was use too. The truth was that he was beginning to fear that he was actually getting worse, if that were possible. And so far, he'd only been able to deduce that the reason was somehow linked to his connection with Bella.
It wasn't the most appropriate timing and he knew that, but he wanted Bella to understand his continued hesitation. He also needed her to know that it wasn't necessarily anything she'd done.
He described the incident to Bella with as much detail as he could and he was pleased to see that he wasn't freaking her out; instead she was patient and concerned, lightly stroking his forearm as she listened to him. The feeling was quite amazing and it helped him to determine that he would indeed ask for the one thing he had always dreaded to this point.
As a boy, he'd had little choice in the matter. He's always had problems that he didn't know the reasons or the cure for and so he'd had to rely on others—which of course only seemed to complicate those problems. His preference had been to ignore it as much as possible and once he was old enough to make some of his own decisions he'd done just that. But now things were different. He could see just how much his issues could affect those around him—those that cared for him, and he was no longer willing to let his stubborn streak dictate how the rest of his life might play out.
Bella had wanted to make the suggestion for several days now, especially since they'd been talking so openly about everything, but she wouldn't insult his opinion that way—at least not yet. He hadn't shown her any indication that his issues had begun to manifest in a negative way, or in a way that he wasn't prepared to deal with. According to him, he was use to the nerves and the uncertainty and he had ways of dealing with those things when he must. However, when Edward had suggested the idea himself, Bella was one hundred percent in favor of doing her part. Anything he needed at this point to feel better about him self and their situation was a priority.
It became a good solid note to which they ended their night together—Edward lingering for a long moment at the top of the stairs smiling shyly down at Bella as she waved yet another goodnight before disappearing behind her door.
And it had been a good night. Remembering the smile on Bella's face as they'd said 'sleep well' one last time and the realization that his actions along with his decisions had put that happy expression there made Edward genuinely smile for the first time in quite a while. His mood on the rise, he could hardly believe at the moment just how far into shit his internal struggles had forced his outlook on the day to plummet only a few short hours before.
It seemed far too mundane, the fact that being left alone, as Bella went downstairs to change while Edward took a call from his mother confirming that she would be by soon to pick them up, had been enough to push him over the edge. Alone with his thoughts as he'd cleaned up the remainder of the fried eggs and toast that she'd made for their breakfast/lunch he'd started to worry and wonder, forcing everything to head quickly downhill.
"Sweetheart?" Bella had cautiously inquired letting him know that she was back. When she'd returned she found him bent over, his arms folded on top of the kitchen counter, just right of the sink, his face buried in the crook of his elbow.
He rocked back and forth a couple of times without saying anything and then lifted his head slightly rubbing at his eyes.
Bella had noticed that his glasses were on the table along with the few dishes that he hadn't gotten around to washing yet, but for some reason she'd been unprepared to see his eyes when they settled upon her. It wasn't the color exactly—she'd finally gotten use to seeing the vibrancy of that brilliant shade with how much she enjoyed looking at him, but she hadn't expected the sadness or the pain that could be so evident within their beautiful depths.
"What can I do?" she asked softly as she approached. She let her hand settle against his back and attempted to calm him with her light touch, tracing a soothing pattern over his tense muscles.
"I don't know." He croaked; his voice strained by the emotions he was feeling.
"This is…?" she didn't need to describe what she was talking about. This was what Edward had told her he would go through, each time he had to face anything that seemed overly daunting in his opinion. He nodded his head in a rather pitiful gesture, slowly straightening his posture.
He rubbed his neck and shoulders with both hands and them let his arms fall heavily against his sides.
"I just have to get it worked out in my brain for a few minutes, but I promise I'll be okay." He explained, though it wasn't necessary as he looked down at where his fingers had started tugging at one of the buttons on his shirt.
Bella had kindly finished washing up after their meal and Edward felt horrible for not being able to help. Unfortunately he'd been too busy pacing the short path between the kitchen and the living room relentlessly over the past twenty minutes, trying his damnedest to get his fears under control. Bella was wonderful as always, staying close and available should he decide that he needed her for something, but remaining quiet and occupied with other things so that he didn't get the sense that she was hovering or obviously worrying over him.
What was so frustrating in the end was the fact that he knew there was nothing to be afraid of and that he knew he really wanted to be doing this. This was something he was doing for himself and his family; it was something he was doing for he and Bella. All he could do was promise himself that it was going to be okay. When he was done with this outing, when he'd located his new home, he was going to find away to fix this. He was tired of being so incapable and he was embarrassed that Bella had to see him this way at all.
"Baby," Edward had said quietly coming up behind where she stood at the sink drying one last glass. "I'm gonna have to break the rules for a second." He went on to warn her.
Bella turned and looked up to see him standing there with his eyes closed. When he opened them this time, Bella was pleased to see that he seemed to be doing a little better.
He took a deep breath and swallowed nervously. "I'm sorry." He said his eyes letting her know that she wasn't allowed to protest. "I won't apologize if you ever have to see that type of thing again, but right now the only way that I'm able to convince myself that I can go through with this is to tell you that I don't mean to be this way, and I sure as hell don't want to be. This is who I am though—for now, and if it's too much for you I…" he took a shaky breath, "I understand."
"Edward," Bella couldn't help but speak her mind, "shut up." Her words were insistent but gentle as she reached up to smooth away the frown pulling at his mouth.
"I'm sorry too, but I love you and you're not going to scare me away that easily. I don't hold anything against you and I'm not so fragile that you can't lean on me when you need to." She explained in all seriousness. "You're going to figure this out and I'll be right there with you every step of the way. If you decide that you're content to be just as you are, I'm okay with that. I happen to love you just the way you are. But, if you're going to try and find a different way to deal with your issues then I'm onboard and ready to help with that as well. The choice in all of this is yours, but I'm here and I'm staying as long as you want me."
Tears were slowly trailing down his cheeks now and Edward was too moved by her support to even bother trying to hide them.
"God Baby, I love you." He mumbled, his arms going around her, his head resting wearily on her shoulder.
She held him as he cried, slowly swaying back and forth. When she felt that his body was no longer shaking and he'd attempted to finally dry his eyes, she kissed his forehead and then encouraged him to lift his head so that she could claim his lips.
"Come on" she simply requested, taking his hold of his hand, before leading him up the staircase. She led him into the bathroom and turned on the faucet, filling a cup with cold water before adjusting the tap to make it warmer; she passed the cup off to Edward so that he could take a drink.
"You're gonna have to sit your tall ass down." She snickered a moment later when she considered how awkward reaching up to apply the warm towel she'd been soaking to his face would be with thier considerable height difference.
Edward let a little smile through and walked past her, closing the lid to the toilet before having a seat.
"This is romantic, huh?" he chuckled, while she very tenderly washed his tears away.
"It could be." Bella smirked.
"How's that?"
"Kiss me." She requested with a rather shy expression.
Edward would deny her nothing right now, with the way that she was taking such good care of him.
"We break Alice's toilet I am so blaming you." He grinned as he pulled her onto his lap.
She didn't get to defend her position or laugh at his silliness even, as he let his lips capture her mouth almost instantly.
Thank. You.
Though his thanks was clearly evident, he kept things simple and reasonably innocent. They both knew that the emotions were too close to the surface right now and his mother was on her way over already. There would be plenty of time to discuss the particulars of this little moment at a later time; right now they needed to get themselves in order.
"I'll just give you a few minutes, okay?" Bella offered, standing up again and handing over the cloth so that Edward could collect himself for a moment.
Turned out Bella had wonderful timing as Esme had just pulled up to the house. Edward was able to join them soon enough and with very little encouragement his mother agreed to drive them all, since she knew where they were going and Bella graciously took the front seat so that Edward might have some time alone with his thoughts.
So here he was again—thinking, and yet trying not to. Here he was trying to sort out his issues but no longer knowing the best place to start. And here he was, so eager to live a normal life but not yet having the courage or the strength to pursue that which he most desired.
"Wow, look at that view." Bella's words pulled him back to the present.
Indeed the panoramic view of the bay as seen from the highway's elevation was quite stunning.
"Unfortunately most of the houses down the south side of the waterfront don't enjoy this type of view. The lots are larger and therefore mostly wooded. This affords a bit more privacy but tends to obstruct whatever overlook of the bay one might have had." Esme explained along the way.
Edward felt a twinge of disappointment. He still valued his privacy, in fact he wasn't entirely sure he could truly go through with this type of move if he was assured some measure of solitude, but he wanted to please Bella above all else. He could hear the fascination and wonder in her voice and it hurt to know that once again his necessary avoidance of people could take that away from her. He'd specifically chosen to look at the last two places because the acreage he would own along with either house would guarantee some space between he and any neighbors in the area. A view of the bay would certainly be nice and something he might enjoy as well, but it would stand to reason that areas offering such a sight would tend to be more densely populated.
"Come on, Sweetheart." Bella excitedly took his hand this time encouraging him to get out of the car. Edward looked up to see his mother already on her way up the path towards the house and Bella waiting impatiently for him to join them.
"It's kind of hard to control today." He sheepishly explained his intense preoccupation with his own thoughts right now.
"No need to explain." Bella grinned wrapping an arm around his waist, loving how he immediately draped his over her shoulders as they walked together towards the house.
"I'm going to start talking your ears off though, so that you have to pay attention. You totally missed the beautiful drive up here. It reminded me an awful lot of the drive you take to reach your parents' place." Bella went on to tell him.
Edward hesitated before entering the house realizing just how right she was. He'd been so lost in his own little world that he had indeed missed the approach to the house and everything that might have been said about it. Taking a moment to look at his surroundings Edward had to smile. This was a nice, older looking home nestled back in a wooded lot. He could tell already that it was quite peaceful here, the delightful familiarity of nature seeming to surround everything.
Esme stood by discreetly watching Bella as she encouraged Edward, undoubtedly pleased by the ease with which Bella could handle even his most somber mood. His overall demeanor nor his significant discomfort had gone unnoticed by his mother as usual. From the moment she'd arrived and Bella had greeted her at the door she knew that something was amiss. Bella was honest in saying that Edward was feeling a bit nervous but she didn't elaborate beyond that, obviously knowing that Esme would understand and that Edward would likely be embarrassed to know that they had discussed anything in further detail. Seeing how well Bella managed to handle all of this was wonderful. She didn't seem frazzled or unnerved by his tendencies and she was so patient and understanding when he would drift off in search of some inner peace.
Pleased as she was, his mother couldn't deny a hint of surprise when she witnessed just how comfortable they seemed together, even in her presence, holding hands or walking as they were now, their arms loosely holding onto one another—the physical contact making the process seem easier for the both of them.
"How much was this one again?" Edward asked as Bella lead him over to the staircase, eager to see the rest of the house, once they'd made a complete circuit of the downstairs living space.
"Two fifty-nine, nine. This is the one that has the five acres and the pond. If the rain holds off for the next few minutes we should be able to walk down and have a look at it before we leave."
"There's a pond too?" Esme had to smile at the way Bella's face had lit up and the matching expression her son had answered with.
And her smile almost turned into laughter as Bella turned to continue up the stairs only to stumble slightly before Edward calmly adjusted his hold to get her standing more steadily.
"Were there any single story homes for sale around here?" Edward inquired, the teasing tone of his voice quite obvious behind his chuckle of amusement.
"Oh hush." Bella giggled, "I've been dealing with stairs all my life—only a few major mishaps as a result."
"A few, constitutes a few too many." Edward raised an eyebrow.
Esme tried her best to downplay her own amusement of the situation, but honestly listening to the playful banter between these two was just so wonderful.
She had worried that Edward's moods were getting more severe and she also had concerns about how quickly he could seem to turn them off and on, but she had her suspicions that this was a result of his being around Bella.
She had never seen him try so hard before. Even when Alice would entice him to stray from his normal behavior there was still a bit of defiance lingering within him. With Bella however, he was wide open and vulnerable, likely causing his anxiety to manifest in more profound ways. Though the negative side of this was quite difficult to witness the positive aspects, such as his light, jubilant nature that would shine through when he was feeling at ease with his surroundings, was quite encouraging.
"What in the world would you do with all this space?" Bella asked when they'd reached to upper floor.
This was an old Victorian style house, with high ceilings and lots of square footage. It only measured just above two thousand square feet of actual living space, but the design did indeed make the place seem rather large—particularly with the number of individual rooms available.
Edward just shrugged as he walked over to the nearby window and looked out over the back of the house.
Esme secretly hoped that he would choose this place, its location being an ideal fit for Edward and his personality and the overall size of the place allowing her some freedom to suggest décor while still allowing for his own tastes. She could already see the potential it such a beautiful old home.
"I still wanna see the last one." Edward informed his mother, able to see her interest in this one a little too clearly for his liking.
He didn't mind it at all, in fact he quite liked the place himself and it was obvious that Bella was intrigued by it as well. Edward had known right from the start that this place and the next one they would go see were his top two choices. This place was big and grand and could easily become a home that he would enjoy. His only reservation being that it was awfully big for one person.
He had his arm around Bella again as they walked back outside and noticing that the rain had ceased for the time being he offered his free arm to his mother, requesting they go and have a look at this pond the previous owners seemed to be so proud of.
"Wow." The three of them said in unison. They'd been walking along a well-maintained wooded path for a couple of minutes. At the end of said path they arrived at a little clearing which indeed held a rather impressively sized pond. Wild flowers similar to those growing in the meadow near his parent's house were everywhere and the previous owners had supplemented the area with many ornamental trees and other shrubbery to compliment the natural beauty of the space.
Esme and Bella began discussing the different aspects that popped out around every corner, leaving Edward to think for a moment. He had plenty of decisions to make already and he knew that this was certainly one that he would never take lightly. He couldn't deny that he was quite impressed with the house and the property as a whole; he felt comfortable here and he could see just how much Bella and his mother seemed to approve. The main question however was going to be, would he want to be here by himself? It was an awfully big place for one person, especially since he'd never needed much to be content; and he somehow knew that the space might magnify his loneliness when he had to be here alone.
Likewise, he wanted to apply that same question to Bella. Would she feel comfortable out here alone? He couldn't fathom a reason why he would ever leave her here by herself, but it would be foolish not to consider the possibilities.
"Mom, does the house have a security system installed? I didn't think to look for that earlier." He wondered aloud.
Bella's safety and peace of mind were paramount to him.
"It is wired for such, but according to the realtor's notes it hasn't been active for a while, which means it will likely need to be updated." She explained.
He nodded his understanding and they collectively agreed they'd gotten their fill of this place, deciding to move on to the last house.
True to her word Bella had been rather chatty during the drive this time, asking Esme questions about real estate in general and commenting for Edward's benefit on how much fun this was turning out to be.
He was pleased that she was enjoying herself and he was planning to show her as soon as they had a private moment just how much he appreciated all of her help and understanding this afternoon. The concept of just being around her and being able to talk to her without fear of embarrassment was addictive, knowing that he could hold her and kiss her with the same ease was even more so.
"Last one on the list." Esme mentioned as she pulled up in front of a cute little A-frame house at the end of another scenic little drive.
Edward actually beat everyone else out of the car for once today and stood holding Bella's door open for her as she climbed out to join him. This was a place that was similar in charm and seclusion to the last, however it was a good deal smaller and likely a bit more geared towards Edward's preferences already.
"It looks like something out a fairytale." She grinned, taking in the whimsical façade.
"This place is ridiculously charming." Esme chimed in making Edward and Bella chuckle.
"Is that a technical term?" Edward wondered, "ridiculously charming?"
"Trust me, it's a positive statement." She smiled.
This was indeed the place Edward was most excited to see today. The photos and descriptions that had accompanied the listing did a wonderful job of selling its ridiculous charm and Edward couldn't help but see the appeal.
It was small and cozy, reminding him of his home back in Colorado. The simple, low maintenance design, coupled with the open, usable floor plan had sold him on the idea of this place right away, but he wouldn't settle for something without looking at all of his options. The last house they'd just left seemed to validate that decision and then some.
Now, what to do?
His answer would come sooner than he'd expected, but it pleased him to know it sooner rather than later.
His mother had opened the front door allowing Bella to pass through first and as soon as she stepped into the open space, which made up the main living area and kitchen, she came to a standstill. Without a word she seemed to look over every inch of space, finally letting her eyes rest upon the impressive stone fireplace off to the left. When she turned to see both Edward and his mother still waiting just inside the entrance she noticed each of them smiling brightly, sharing a glance that literally exuded warmth and understanding. She'd felt that type of warmth when Edward would look at her from time to time, but seeing it shared with someone else—that someone being his mother no less, made Bella's insides shiver. Amazing.
"Well?" she asked, not wanting to be the only one to look about and explore the house, eager as she was to do so.
"I think we've got at least one vote for this place." Esme nodded as she looped her arm around Edward's once again and ushered him further inside.
She spent a few minutes, as she had done with all of the other houses, rattling off some of the more impressive aspects to the building. And this house had plenty to talk about. It wasn't the newest home they'd seen, yet it boasted a beautifully updated kitchen and bath, suffused with marble, granite and stainless steal. The honey colored hardwood flooring that encompassed nearly every stable surface within the house was newly refinished and the unique A-frame design offered tons of natural lighting, as the front of the house was almost entirely made up of windows. What this place lacked in size it totally made up for in character.
"There are four acres of wooded land that will come with the house, and I found out late last night that there are an additional ten that may be available for purchase in the next few weeks." Esme added, while watching her son slowly walk through the house letting his hand trail over the detailed woodwork in appreciation, before coming to a stop near the large bay window at the back of the house.
"It's perfect." Bella declared, practically whispering the words as she perused the kitchen.
"There's only one bedroom, but it is quite large and the loft upstairs would be an ideal workspace." Esme went on to say, though she didn't really see much need to continuing selling the place.
The moment she knew for sure that the search had come to an end was when she saw Edward make eye contact with Bella from across the room. She'd seen many a shy glance and timid smile pass between these two in the past several days, but she'd never seen them communicate so easily with little more than a look.
"There's even room enough for a piano if you wanted to have one here." Bella smiled as Edward came to stand behind her near the fireplace.
"I'd like to be able to play for you, when it's just us." He whispered as his hands settled upon her hips, his head tilting downward so that their words remained private.
"So you like it?" she wondered, leaning back to rest against his chest, his arms circling around to hold her.
"I do." He nodded, "It's nicer than the cabin, but still feels like the home I'm use to. I think I could be comfortable here."
"It just feels right. The minute I walked inside I could almost see you in this space." Bella agreed.
"And how about you? Do you see yourself in this space?" he wondered turning Bella so that she was facing him now.
Bella smiled up and him and gently brushed aside a few unruly strands of hair falling over his forehead.
"I see myself wherever you are, Sweetheart." She promised.
Edward had completely forgotten about his mother for the moment, lost in her eyes and the intensity of her conviction.
"I love you, Baby." He said softly, his lips confirming his words.
Esme had made a point of blending into the shadows, wanting Edward and Bella to have time to consider their options and talk about what they were thinking; but never in her wildest dreams did she think that they would wined up entangled in such an embrace. Innocent as it appeared Esme began to feel rather self-conscious, witnessing such a display of affection. Edward may have assured her that they were not at such a stage just last night, but her own eyes couldn't be fooled. They weren't there yet, but they would be eventually. There were several things that prevented her from sitting them both down right now to discuss the possible complications to their relationship, at the top of that list was her own embarrassment; the fact that these were two intelligent adults and they were obviously in love followed as a close second, with the nervous fidgeting and reddened cheeks that showed up towards the end of their kiss ultimately rounding out her list.
So nothing was said, Esme practicing oblivion, minding her own business as the couple, hand in hand, continued to wander about the house. After another ten minutes had passed a very excited Edward finally came to retrieve her from the loft.
"This is the one, Mom." He announced with more enthusiasm than she could ever recall him employing.
"It's wonderful choice, Darling." She smiled as he held out his arms invitingly.
"Thanks...for everything." He sighed, wrapping her up in a tight hug.
"Is Bella ready?" she asked holding on to him for another moment.
"I left her planning the first meal she hopes to cook in that kitchen." He chuckled.
"Edward, I'm am so happy for you." She told him sincerely, as they turned towards the stairs, "I love seeing you so connected with someone."
His complexion started taking on color and he looked away, slightly embarrassed by her bringing attention to his relationship; but above all else Edward wanted to thank her for her support in everything finally, so he forced himself to clear his throat and try to find the right words.
"I'm sorry it's taken me so long…I know that you worry and I'm umm…I'm starting to believe that this is how it was suppose to happen—for me, at least." He took a deep breath and smiled a bit when his mother gently touched the side of his face, silently requesting he look up for her.
"You're usually right about most things." She smiled, "and I believe you may be right about that as well."
"I'm umm…Bella's going to see her doctor tomorrow…Dr. Montgomery and I'm going to go with her." Edward chewed nervously at his lower lip and blinked a few times before making eye contact with his mother again. "I think I'm ready, to finally try something…different. I don't want to run from my issues anymore."
"Edward," Esme had to take a moment to collect her emotions. She never thought that this day would come, and even if it did she never believed that her son would be capable of speaking so openly with her. "I'm very proud of you, and I always have been. If this is what you want, I support you completely."
"I don't know what it is or how this is all supposed to work but I want different things now…I want to be here—to be a part of my family again…"
"You know what," Esme informed him, trying her best to keep the tears at bay, "I've always wanted to believe that love could hold the power to heal. I've never seen it actually do so, but that never stopped me from hoping. Now, after seeing you with Bella, I think that I may finally have enough proof to support my theory."