Chapter 25
"Sasha, you can play with those tomorrow. Time for bed now." Mitchie said, sounding so mommy-like, as she picked up wrapping paper and ribbons scattered all over Sasha's room.
"But mommy, you said tomorrow's rest day." Sasha whined.
"I know."
"So I'll play tonight and sleep tomorrow."
Mitchie smiled. "But you need your sleep, sweetie?" she said, as she sat next to Sasha on her bed.
Sasha sighed.
"Tell you what, we sleep tonight then we'll play tomorrow…all day if you want to. Does that sound good to you?"
"Okay!" Sasha said smiling and pulling her covers up to her chin.
"That's my good girl!" Mitchie said as she tucked Sasha in. "Goodnight." she said, kissing Sasha's forehead.
"Goodnight, Mommy." Sasha said, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath.
Mitchie smiled as she watched Sasha drift off to sleep, feeling ever so grateful for having her. She stood up when she felt that Sasha was already in deep slumbers then turned off the lights.
"Mommy?" she heard Sasha say as she was about to close the door.
"I thought you were already asleep?" Mitchie said, sounding amazingly stern and sweet all at the same time.
She turned the lights back on and saw Sasha smile a little.
"What is it?" she asked her daughter, as she cuddled next to her.
"It's bad to lie, right mommy?"
"Yes…In general." Mitchie replied, tucking Sasha's hair behind her ears. "Why?"
"I lied, Mommy."
Mitchie eyed her daughter curiously.
"What do you mean?" she asked her.
"I really didn't fall asleep while hiding from Uncle Nate."
"Then what happened?"
"Please don't tell me you were molested!" Mitchie prayed silently.
"I saw daddy."
"Daddy?"
"Shane."
"Oh…" Mitchie said, heaving a sigh of relief. "When? How?"
"I hid in his car."
"Okay…" Mitchie said, sounding very interested. "Tell me more." she said, making herself comfortable on Sasha's bed.
"He let me hide in his car. He's really nice, mommy. Why do you hate him so much?"
"I don't hate him!" Mitchie said, defensively, her voice a pitch higher than normal.
"You two should be together." Sasha said, nonchalantly.
"What?!" Mitchie sat up. "Did he tell you that?"
Sasha shook her head. "He said you two weren't fighting."
"That's true. We're not."
"Then why did you scream at him and push him out the house?"
"Oh, that one…"
Mitchie stared into space for a moment then looked at Sasha who was staring at her, waiting for an explanation.
"Why do people lie even when it's bad?" Sasha asked, all of a sudden.
"People do that because they're only human. Sometimes they go crazy, sometimes they get scared of things. Sometimes, they're just really really mean. I guess there are a million reasons why people lie. Lying becomes bad because sometimes you hurt other people when the truth comes out. Or you hurt yourself."
"I'm sorry, mommy if I hurt you." Sasha said, sadly.
"It's okay…I know you didn't mean to." Mitchie said, hugging her.
Mitchie looked at her daughter and thought of what she had just said. She had been practically lying to Sasha all her life. Her secret felt like a balloon slowly growing with time. Sooner or later, it was going to burst and she would have hurt a lot of people she loved, most of all Sasha. Mitchie didn't want to wait for that day to come.
"You want to know a secret?" she whispered, not wanting to call it a "lie."
Sasha nodded, glad that her mother was not mad at her at all.
"Okay, Sasha…I don't know if you're going to understand a word I'm going to say but I think I'll tell you everything now. You can go berserk on me when you're thirty, okay?" Mitchie started.
"What's berserk?" Sasha asked.
"Never mind." Mitchie replied immediately. "Anyway, you know why Shane…I mean, daddy, was never here?"
"Nope." Sasha shook her head.
"That's because he didn't know about you at all…until now." Mitchie explained.
Sasha just stared at her blankly.
"Remember I told you something about things happening when you don't want them to happen. Like when you wanted to go out to play but then it started raining. You didn't want that to happen but it did, right?"
Sasha nodded.
"And no matter how much you wanted the rain to stop you couldn't because you didn't have control over things."
Sasha nodded again. Mitchie breathed deeply.
"Well you sort of came into my life…unexpectedly."
Sasha just looked at her, obviously not understanding what she was saying.
"And I was a total wreck back then. I was confused and I didn't know what to do. But for some weird reason, I had to think of Shane first before I thought of myself." Mitchie rambled. "You see, Sha…your father and I were just fresh out of high school and we were looking forward to college. I mean, we knew we weren't going to be together but still…College! That was a big thing. When you're young you have a lot of big dreams and you have this image of your life…And then the unexpected things started happening…You came…And I knew if I told him about you back then he would have stayed and I would have been much much happier. But then he was so excited about going off to college in some big city. He wanted to do a lot of things. And if he stayed, he wouldn't get to do that. And I didn't want to spoil things for your daddy. So I let him go. So, here I am…Here we are!" she ended, with a smile. "Do you understand me, sweetie?"
Sasha nodded and blinked. "Why did you do that?"
"Because I love him so much." Mitchie replied immediately. "When you love someone so much, you'd be willing to sacrifice your own happiness for them. It's insane! But that's the way it is."
"You're not happy?" Sasha asked, taken aback.
"Of course I am…Even if I didn't get to fulfill my dreams, I have you. And that's enough to make me happy."
"You think daddy's happy?" Sasha asked.
"I don't know, sweetheart. But I hope he is." Mitchie replied, hugging Sasha.
"Mommy?"
"Mmhmm?"
"I'm tired now of all this talk. Can I sleep now?"
Mitchie laughed and broke off the hug, tucking Sasha back to bed and relieved that she was back to considering issues fit for a four-year-old.
"I love you, Mommy. And this time, I'm not lying."