(A.N. Hello! So, thanks for all the reviews. I just wanted to throw this out there for everyone to know...the guy that plays Jasper in the Twilight movie, Jackson Rathbone, well, he's pretty attractive. I just noticed, and I just thought everyone should be aware. Anyways, I hope you like the chapter. So ENJOY! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)
The night with Jasper and Alice was fun. More than fun. I really missed them while we were away, even if it was only for a few days. Edward stayed at my house that night, which was a little different. He seemed comfortable enough in my apartment though.
The past few weeks have gone by quickly. I took as many hours as possible at the coffee shop, leaving me a lot of time spent with Mike. He seemed to be getting over my rejection and decided that me having a boyfriend was merely a speed bump in landing me. He really was delusional sometimes. At least now I always have a solid reason for saying no.
I have only stayed at Edward's three times since Edward and I had our talk, well, our argument, about me moving in with him, over two weeks ago. It was strange not having Edward sleeping next to me every night and waking up to him every morning, but I decided it was something I had to get used to. I couldn't become dependent on him. I simply wouldn't allow it.
The money Alice gave me really helped. It pained me to deposit it into my bank account but I was thankful none the less. I had enough money to get by until my next paycheck. I wasn't rich by any means, but at least now I wasn't in the red. One less stress to worry about.
Though Edward and I spent most nights alone now, he still came over to hang out almost every night. He would always come over with some form of food and drinks and we would either watch a movie or, lately, we would play scrabble. After the first night we played Edward came over with a freshly purchased dictionary when he had lost the night before, accusing me of making up words. Was I? I would rather not discuss such things, but Edward insisted upon having a dictionary present at all times when we played now. He calls it playing fair, I call it unnecessary precautions.
Tonight though I would be alone. Edward was hanging out with 'the guys,' while Alice was helping Rosalie with the wedding along with a group of other women involved in the wedding party. I felt no need to subject myself to such things. Color schemes, floral designs, and figuring out the different shade of white linen to use wasn't something I considered a good time. Tonight I opted for doing laundry while hanging out with my good friends Ben and Jerry. They never made me dress up or talk about the most perfect wedding invitations they have ever seen.
"Please come hang out with all us." Alice pleaded over the racket caused by giggling girls in the background. "It will be fun. We will be finishing up the flower arrangements for Rose's wedding."
"Oh well, now I want to come over." I said sarcastically. "Sorry Alice, but I already have made plans."
"What could you possibly be doing that doesn't involve Edward or me? You don't have any other friends." Well that is true enough.
"Well, I was going to do laundry, accompanied by my good friends, Ben and Jerry." I said as I picked up some dirty clothes and put them into a hamper. "It's going to be a real party."
"That is truly pathetic, Bella." Alice said annoyed.
"It would only be pathetic if I owned a lot of cats." I argued. She didn't talk too much after that, and even ended the conversation prematurely. Alice really wasn't too fond of not getting her way, especially when it involved me being antisocial.
As I raced around my room, gathering dirty clothes after getting off the phone with Alice, I noticed I was missing a good handful of clothes. Not to say that my clothing selection was huge before, but definitely more well rounded than this skimpy half a hamper full. I banged the palm of my hand against my forehead when I realized that I left my bag from the trip to Forks, that contained a pretty big portion of my clothing, over at Edwards, not to mention the numerous outfits left there from when I stayed over.
Edward had given me a key as soon as we came back from our trip, insisting that it was necessary. I wasn't exactly excited about making a trip all the way across town to get a bunch of dirty clothes, especially when I didn't even get to see Edward when I got to my destination. His place would be empty, and I don't see me enjoying it quite so much without Edward there to fill the space. His place was definitely not as appealing without Edward there to keep me company, and of course he added a nice view. I rolled my eyes at how pathetic I was as I hopped into my truck and drove towards Edward's apartment.
As I walked up to his door, I held the key he gave me firmly in my grip. It was weird coming here when I hadn't given prior notification that I was coming over, even if he wasn't going to be here. I hadn't had to use this key before. It felt weird just walking into his place when he had no idea it was happening. Like an invasion of privacy. Edward told me I was always welcome here and that if I ever needed to get in when he wasn't around to just come over, thus the reason for the key. Mi casa, su casa or in my case, su casa, mi casa. I put the key in the lock and slowly turned it until I heard the click and then slowly turned the door knob.
When I finally got the door fully opened I was surprised to see lights blazing and the sound of the TV flowing through the apartment. I could hear cheering coming form the living room as I walked through the entryway and closer to the noise. When I reached the entrance to the kitchen I nearly jumped out of my skin when a man I didn't know smiled at me and yelled to someone behind me.
"Hey! Who invited the chick?" He winked at me while he waited for the answer.
"Um, hi." I said looking confused. "Who are you?"
"Weird that you asked that first." The man laughed while taking a quick drink of his beer. "I'm James, and you are?"
"BELLA!" I heard a familiar voice boom behind me. I turned to see a very happy Emmett who was also very clearly working his way towards intoxication. "What's going on little sis."
"Little sis?" I asked looking up at Emmett. I was still completely confused. Apparently my mind wasn't in the mood to process the obvious.
"Well, yeah. Eventually you will be, right?" I looked at him trying to figure out what he was saying. "Eventually you and Eddie will tie the knot and then I can call you my little sis for real." My eyes widened at what he was saying, but I was taken away from my thoughts as another voice chimed in behind me.
"So you're the infamous Bella?" The guy, James, asked with a knowing smile. "I have heard a lot about you."
"Dude, you make it sound like Edward is sitting around blabbing about their personal life. You are going to get him in trouble." Emmett said as he punched James in the arm and then turned his attention back towards me. "So Bella, what are you doing here?"
"Um, well, I thought you guys were having a guy night, or something." I said nervously. "I had left some clothes here from the trip to Forks and I was doing laundry tonight so I thought I would come get them. Edward gave me a key."
"EDWARD!" Emmett called with a smile still plastered on his face. "You have a visitor."
"What!?" I heard a familiar velvety voice call back. I looked around inspecting my surroundings trying to figure out what was going on when the velvety soft voice startled me back into reality. "Bella? What are you doing here?" He was smiling his crooked smile in my direction as he made his way over to me, giving me a kiss as he wrapped his arm around my waist.
"I thought you were going to go hang out with the guys, and I needed to get my clothes, and you gave me the key, and I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Edward asked clearly confused. "All the guys decided to hang out here tonight so we could watch the game. I have the biggest TV."
"I'm so sorry Edward. I didn't know you were having a guys night here. I thought you were all going out somewhere or I wouldn't have come over. I am really not trying to intrude on guys night…" Edward put his hand over my mouth while smiling at me.
"Bella, calm down." He eyed me until he was satisfied that I wouldn't talk anymore as he slowly took his hand away from my mouth. "It's fine. Why are you apologizing? Come on and meet some of the guys. Jasper is here too."
"Jasper?" I asked comforted slightly by the familiar name, as he pulled me into the living room by my hand.
"Hey everyone! I want you to meet Bella." Edward called over the TV. Everyone turned and stared towards me, making me self-conscious. I waved a little and swallowed.
"Hey Bella." Jasper called from his place on the couch. I smiled at the familiar face. He was sitting in the middle of two other guys on the larger couch, leaning over towards the TV while resting his forearms on his knees with a beer firmly in hand. There was one other guy perched on the arm rest of the same couch. On the smaller couch a man was sprawled out while another stood behind it, and on the floor another guy lounged against it. Not a single one of them didn't have a beer. I rolled my eyes at the observation.
"Ok, everyone this is Bella. Bella, this is everyone." Edward waved his beer in front of me in his introduction and I stood there like a deer caught in headlights. Everyone started talking at once.
"Nice Edward! She's hot!" One shouted earning a punch in the arm from Emmett.
"I can't believe we finally get to meet Bella." Another said.
"Hey, Bella, you should come sit over here with me. You won't think about Edward ever again. I promise."
"Alright, come on Bella." Edward sighed as he pulled me away. There was an array of complaints as we made our way back towards his room, and one cat call.
We walked into his bedroom and he closed the door. "I really didn't mean to bug you when you were having a boys…" I was cut off when Edward turned me to face him and pressed his lips firmly against mine. I could detect the slightest hint of beer on his lips, causing me to pull away before I would have normally. "Edward."
"Yes, my Bella." He said stepping towards me again.
"Are you kind of drunk?" I asked as I took in his eyes. They were still deep green but were slightly off. Not quite as alert as usual and slightly glazed over but only so much that you would have to be really paying attention to notice. I bit my lip trying to hold back my smile when his expression turned sheepish.
"Maybe." He admitted. "It's hard not to drink around this group. They kind of drive you to it. Sorry, I didn't know I was going to see you."
"I have already told you that I don't care if you drink." I said sternly. "Now where is my bag so I can get out of your hair. I don't want you to miss out on your guys night." I turned towards the rest of the room and started walking towards the closet, thinking that was probably were my bag was.
"You don't have to go." Edward said from behind me. When I turned to look at him he was sitting on his bed hunched over slightly. He seemed a little more than kind of tipsy now. He was working his way to completely inebriated.
"Edward, I doubt your buddies want your girlfriend hanging around when you are suppose to be having a guy night, thing."
"Who cares. It's my house." He took another drink of his beer. "Please stay. I missed you today."
"It's fine. I will just get my clothes and then be on my way." I said as I reached into the closet and grabbed my bag.
"Can I come over after the guys leave then?" He asked giving me his best puppy dog eyes.
"You are in no condition to be driving." I said firmly. "I will be truly pissed if you show up at my house later. You are not driving when you have been drinking this much."
"I suppose your right." He sighed, his words slurred in a few places but again, if your weren't paying attention, you wouldn't notice. "You want something to drink?"
"No." I said with a giggle. "How many beers have you had?"
"Enough." He said as he fell back onto his bed. I could see that I had definitely missed how intoxicated he was when I first got here. In my defense, he spoke clearly-ish. It was mostly in his posture and his eyes. He slouched, but only barely, and his eyes weren't as vibrant. "I don't like sleeping alone." He complained, pulling me away from my observations.
"I don't either, but it's just one night." I comforted, as I sat down next to him.
"Its not just one night. I have had to sleep alone a lot lately." He said, his brows furrowing. "Why won't you just move in with me?"
"Edward, please don't start this." I begged not wanting to get into an argument.
"Why not?" He asked bitterly. I looked at him, realizing the most incriminating evidence of his intoxication. He got too honest, and not in a pleasant way. At least this time it wasn't in a pleasant way. He seemed to be lacking his word filter. I gritted my teeth as I gave him a warning glance. He didn't seem to understand the meaning of my glare. "You won't move in with me, you won't tell me you love me. What do I have to do, Bella? What's it going to take? Tell me."
"I'm going to go." I said slowly. I was trying really hard to not get angry. He was drunk, he didn't mean to say these things, to push me, but it was getting harder and harder to control my feelings. His voice rang with serious resentment, and his tone was almost accusing.
"Always running away." He muttered. "Cant' you just face these problems. I think it would be best if we got on with our lives. These issues are only holding us back."
I grabbed my duffel bag of clothes at my feet and yanked it up. "Goodbye Edward." I said angrily.
His eyes got big and he jumped up. "Bella, are you mad?" I rolled my eyes as I walked past him. "Bella, wait. I didn't mean to make you mad. Please don't go." I walked out of the door and stomped my way back through the house.
Emmett and Jasper were standing talking near the kitchen and noticed as I stomped by. Jasper looked from me, then back to Edward, who was right behind me, with a scowl. They followed us out into the hall.
"Bella, are you ok?" Jasper asked catching my arm. "Hey. What happened?"
"I just got a first hand look at why I never drink." I said harshly motioning towards Edward who was now standing with Emmett. Emmett was holding onto his shoulder trying to talk to him, probably to let Jasper talk to me without disturbance.
"What did he do?" Jasper asked hotly. "Did he try something Bella?"
"No." I sighed. "He just said some things. Some not very nice things." I patted Jasper on the shoulder and looked up at him. "Don't worry about it, I'm just going to head home. It's really no big deal."
"Ok, do you mind if I tag along? I didn't bring my car and I don't really want to stay much longer." I could tell he just didn't want to send me off alone.
"Jasper, I know you want to stay. Please don't worry about me."
"No, I don't." He stared back at Edward then looked back to me. "I would really rather just get out of here."
"Fine, lets go." I said turning and walking down the hall.
"Bella? Wait!" Edward yelled after me. He grabbed my arm when he caught up to me. "Bella please don't go. I'm sorry."
I smiled tightly at him. "I'll call you in the morning." I said as I pulled his face down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He nodded solemnly and looked away from me. "Edward, go have fun with your friends. I will call you first thing tomorrow. I promise." He looked up, looking a little happier and nodded. I smiled reassuringly at him and gave him another kiss on the cheek before turning and catching up to Jasper, who was now waiting for me by the elevator, glaring openly at Edward.
Jasper insisted that he should go back to my place with me, assuring me that Alice would be more than happy to come and get him from there. Other than that, the ride home was silent except for when Jasper would occasionally sing to parts of songs he knew. When we got back to my place Jasper jumped out of the truck, seemingly in good spirits and sprinted up ahead of me and got the door for me.
"You really don't have to hang out with me." I hinted as he opened the fifth door of the night for me. "I can handle being alone."
"I know." He said with a smile. "I just wanted to hangout with you for awhile."
"You looked like you were having fun at the 'boys night.' " I challenged as we walked into my apartment.
"I was. But I told Edward if he ever hurt you I would hurt him, and well, I know that this time shouldn't apply but I'm pretty sure I would have ended up hurting him by the end of the night. It's better that I got out of there when I did."
"He really didn't do anything that bad." I defended Edward weakly but I winced slightly when his words rang through my head.
"Yeah, I can tell." Jasper said sarcastically as he rummaged through my kitchen. "Are you going to tell me what he said or am I going to have to hear about it from Alice later?"
I sighed and sat down heavily in a seat by the table. "He just brought up some stuff that was hard to hear." He sat down across from me with some leftover Chinese food from the other night and motioned for me to elaborate as he took a bite. "Well, you know, like not being able to say the 'L' word and not moving in with him."
"He mentioned it?" Jasper asked between bites, obviously aware that I was leaving out little bits of information.
"Well, he just sounded so resentful when he said it, like he was throwing it in my face. I guess it bugs him more than I thought." I sighed and leaned back in my chair. Jasper was listening closely without saying much while he ate. "I mean, I know that not hearing those words back is hard but I really can't say them. I've tried. When he said those things tonight he was so bitter. I think that he kind of resents me for not saying it back, and for not moving in with him."
"He was drunk, Bella." Jasper said trying to make me feel better. "He probably didn't even know what he was saying, let alone how he was saying it."
"Or maybe that is how he really feels, and the only time he can let it out is when he is too far gone to have boundaries. Maybe he has been feeling this way for awhile and keeps it all inside just so my feelings won't be hurt while he secretly sits there hurting. It's not fair to him."
Jasper didn't say much after that. There was nothing to argue with. It was true. Edward had every right in the world to feel the way he did, and me not realizing sooner that he might be hurting was absolutely selfish of me. His words still stung when I thought of them, but my new clarity on the matter made them easier to sort through.
Alice came and got Jasper about an hour later, and didn't even ask any questions. She just gave me a hug and told me to call her sometime tomorrow. That's right. Alice didn't even give me a particular time to call her or anything. Jasper must have filled her in on the gist of the situation.
Sleep came excruciatingly slow. My thoughts kept replaying what Edward said, or more, how he said it. I felt even worse than I had already. I knew I was being unreasonable asking for him to wait for me to be able to say something that I should be able to say. I felt it, but I couldn't say it. It wasn't fair and he has been amazing about the whole thing. How could I be angry about him showing me that hurt, when I knew that there was no way I would be as nice about the situation if the tables were turned. I made my decision that night.
The next morning I woke up bright and early, without the help of an alarm clock and got ready quickly. It was my one day off this week and I had a full morning of plans. When I finished getting ready I grabbed my keys and headed to the supermarket.
After the supermarket I headed straight to Edward's. I knew he would probably have a killer headache and most likely wouldn't be waking up for another couple of hours, so when I reached his door I took my key out and let myself in, this time without hesitation.
It was a mess. Apparently men didn't think to pick up after themselves during guy nights. I rolled my eyes and dropped the groceries off in the kitchen and started cleaning. Emmett was sprawled out on the couch completely past out. I probably could have jumped on him while playing the trombone and wouldn't have woken him.
Cleaning only took about an hour, and about two trips to the dumpster. I started cooking breakfast soon after I finished, only taking time to wash up before hand. About halfway through my culinary adventure Emmett dragged himself into the kitchen, grabbing his head and squinting his eyes.
"Good morning." I said happily as I handed him a cup of coffee and two Advil.
He sat down on the counter and stared at me confused. "What are you doing here?"
"Making breakfast." I said, still smiling. "Headache?" I asked with a smirk.
He nodded and took a sip of his coffee. "So, do you always cook for Edward when he's a jackass, or is this a special occasion?"
"Today is my day off." I said with a shrug. "Besides he was a little bit drunk last night. He didn't mean to say anything mean."
"He was still an ass. He told me what he said. I wanted to punch him." He took another sip of coffee, then continued when I didn't say anything. "I would have punched him but he was beating himself up enough already. He was pouting the rest of the night."
I let out a sigh and looked at Emmett apologetically. "I didn't mean to ruin guy night."
"You didn't" Emmett assured me with a pat on the back. "Edward didn't either. We just ignored him the rest of the night. He never really was the life of the party, so he wasn't really missed. We kind of use him for the giant TV."
"Well, I'm still sorry." I said as I diced some fruit. "So, you hungry."
"That is a stupid question." He said with a smile. "I'm always hungry. What are you making exactly?" Before I could answer a deep groan and the sound of feet dragging down the hallway distracted me.
"Emmett, what are you cooking?" Edward asked from the hall. "Please don't burn my house down. That would suck." His voice was strained. I could practically feel his headache as I listened to him. He sounded pathetic.
"I'm not cooking Eddie boy." Emmett said with a smile when Edward walked in with his eyes squeezed shut and his hand on his forehead.
"Don't call me that." He mumbled back as he opened his eyes to a squint. They turned into saucers once he saw me smiling at him. "Bella? I'm so happy you're here." He started making his way over to me, but stopped abruptly and grabbed his head with a groan.
"Oh, wait." I ran over to the coffee pot and poured Edward a cup, then grabbed him two pain pills. I walked over to him and handed them over. He looked at me with a thankful, yet slightly confused smile before taking a sip of coffee and downing the pills. I smiled at him brightly. "Better?"
"Confused. What are you doing here?" He asked, then caught himself. "I mean, I'm glad you're here but I thought, well, I thought you were pissed at me."
"I figured you would need someone to wake you up with Advil, and I figured I owed you." He smiled warmly at my explanation and grabbed me into a hug.
"Let her go." Emmett grumbled and he pulled my arm trying to yank me from Edward's grasp. "She is cooking us breakfast. Let the woman work. I'm starving."
I giggled and walked over to the stove while Edward leaned back against the counter. "So what is it you are cooking for us?" Edward asked.
"Crepes with strawberries, honey, and whipped cream." I turned and winked at him when I mentioned whipped cream, making him chuckle. His smile was bright today and his eyes were sparkling, but still held something not quite happy. It looked like guilt, something I recognized from a mile away.
Conversation flowed lightly between us while I finished cooking, and Edward kept asking if he could help with anything. Emmett talked about the previous night in great detail explaining some of the stupid things some of their friends did. I tried not to listen too closely, but was pulled into some of the more ridiculous stories. By the time breakfast was finished Emmet had already been complaining for about ten minutes about the wait. I set up their plates and handed them over, and then took a seat between them.
"I knew I liked you." Emmet said as he took a bite. He didn't say anything else after that until asking if there were seconds, then went back to silence as he started eating again. He left shortly after breakfast when Rosalie called asking when he was coming home. "Thanks for breakfast Bella." He said as he hugged me goodbye. "If he starts acting up again just give me a call and I will come back over and take him out." I laughed and pushed him out the door. Edward smiled weakly at the joke but obviously didn't find it funny. He looked embarrassed really.
"So," Edward started as he pulled me into him with a hug. "are you going to tell me why you came over and cooked me breakfast after I was a such a huge jackass."
"You weren't that bad." I sighed as I melted into his chest.
"Yes, I was." He whispered against my hair before kissing my head. "I don't remember a great deal of what happened last night but I do remember what I said to you, and I remember the look on your face." He sighed and hugged me tighter. "I'm so sorry, Bella."
"Don't be." I said sternly. "You don't need to be. I should be the one apologizing anyways." I pulled away from him and walked out into the living room, sinking into the couch.
"You didn't do anything."
"Exactly." I cut him off. "I have been sitting around making you wait for me to work up the nerve to tell you something I should have told you awhile ago and you never once complained. I can't imagine how it must feel for you to constantly tell me that you love me and have me say nothing back. You never showed that hurt to me, until last night. I needed to see it. You deserved to voice it. I was being selfish by expecting you to just wait for me."
"Bella, really, I didn't mean that." He said sadly. "I hate that I hurt your feelings. I really didn't mean to bring that up. I know how hard it is for you to say that and I was being rude and selfish…"
"I love you, Edward." I said quickly, but firmly, cutting him off again as I stared straight into his eyes.
He drew in a breath and his eyes grew wide. He was completely silent and still, only moving when a smile slowly pulled his lips upward. His smile was radiant. His eyes were bright and happy and before I knew what was happening he engulfed me in a hug, knocking me back onto my back on the couch with him on top of me planting kisses all over every inch of my face. He whispered my name between kisses before planting his lips directly on mine in a passionate kiss. His lips worked fluidly with mine with a new feeling of love passing through us. The kiss was quick but not rushed. It was the best kiss I had ever shared with him. The best kiss I had ever shared with anyone.
"I love you so much Bella." Edward said as he pulled away from the kiss. His gaze was locked with mine and he still had a giant smile plastered across his face. "You have no idea how happy you just made me."
I smiled brightly at him. "Happy is good, right?" I teased. He rolled his eyes and kissed me again. This time I pulled away first. "I love you, Edward." I said again, slowly this time, making sure he heard every word along with the emotion behind each. The words came out easily now and they felt right. Looking into Edward's eyes while I said them only made me realize how true the words were. Somehow his smile got bigger. "I'm sorry it took me so long to say it."
"I am officially the luckiest, happiest man on earth."