Authors note: This is set up like its the last chapter, it's not. My technique of writing is weird sometimes and can become confusing. It won't necessarily go in order. If you dont like it sorry, its how my mind tells it to me can't really go against it.

Lena

The last month or so past by in slow motion as we did what Sharon would call damage control. This time we did it without her help and it was a lot of work. Stef continued to go to therapy and she is starting to get comfortable talking to him. On her fourth appointment with him he advised that when she has trouble talking about it not to give her pencil and paper. He believes although it is a nice way to communicate it's not really teaching her to actually talk about it. I'm suppose to urge her to speak verbally and encourage her to keep trying intill she can speak about it with out problems. He says her inability to speak about it goes back to being told over and over again that she can't talk about it as a child. So she mentally believes she can't so she can't. He says if we work together to convince her she can talk about it then after a while she will be able to. Simple right? Well you're dead wrong.

I laid next to her and took her in mine and squeezed it. I know she wants to talk about what's going through her head but she keeps convincing herself she can't.

"Take your time im not going anywhere" i told her kissing her cheek. She played with her fingers and i can tell shes having an internal war with herself.

"Hey you can tell me" i insisted and she opened her mouth to say something and then shut it again. The more she tries the more frustrated she becomes. Tears of frustration came to my eyes and i feel so bad for her.

"Hey you can do it, love. i know you can" i said and she got frustrated and pulled up her shirt to reveal a new cut.

"I… I'm sorry" she managed to say.

"when did this happen?" i asked seriously but without anger. Im really not mad at her, actually i'm proud of her. Not for cutting, obviously, but for coming to me and telling me about it. She really has been improving a lot. She might still be cutting but she is admitting to it and she is really trying to get better. I couldn't be more proud of her for that.

"today"she said after some struggle. "Mad?" she asked and i just shook my head.

"No love. I'm not mad at you. I'm proud of you for coming to me and telling me, thank you" i said. I know it's hard on her to build up the courage to come talk to me about it, especially since part of her still believes i'm going to look at her like shes a freak and i really need to change that, so it makes me so proud that she still does it anyway.

Later that same day

i walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her.

"Hey beautiful" i said looking at the beautiful reflection of her in the mirror. We decided that after everything that happened we really need a date night. She is wearing nice jeans, that really compliment her, and a blue shirt and she looks amazing in it. When she didnt reply i repeated it. One of the things this has reminded me i have to do more is tell her shes beautiful. I'm ashamed to say i got out of the habit of doing so and i need to remind her more. This has made me realize how terrible her self-esteem is. If i'm not reminding her how amazing she is how terrible of a wife would that make me.

She looked down at her wrists and i made sure there was there was the same number there was before, thankfully there was.

"what if people see them" thats when it dawned on me that this is the first time she wore short-sleeves in public since this has began.

"Oh honey.. ill go see if i can find some bracelets for you to wear" i said hoping i will find some but neither me nor Stef is very big on bracelets.

Stef

She looked for some bracelets as i decided we have better luck asking our daughters. I went to the girls room and knocked.

"Come in" Mariana said and i entered.

"Hey do you have bracelets i can borrow" i asked either of them.

"I dont think i have many but i can…" she said beginning to look without asking. I'm sures already realized why i would need them.

"yeah i have some" Callie interrupted her foster sister. She took off the bracelets she wears on her wrist for the first time since i met her. She handed me them and i could see the scars on her wrist that proved me original thesis true. Callie was at one point a cutter. I was afraid to ask but more afraid to find out i was right. I didn't want her to have gone through that. I never wanted any of my kids to feel like they need to cut to feel better. Which is one of the reasons i kept myself from doing it all these years because i was afraid they would see it and think it's ok to do that to yourself.

She saw me looking at her wrist and sighed.

"I quit a year ago, for Jude. For some reason the scars aren't fading. You have six people to quit for keep that in mind" she said and tears came to my eyes. Shes right, i do have six people to quit for and i'm going to do just that.