After dinner Harry followed his father into his study, tensions were high they both knew that this was going to be difficult.
As Harry sat down his father thanked him profusely for giving him a second chance with the twins before it was too late. They then made some light conversation about how each had spent the day until Severus could avoid it no longer and reluctantly moved onto the more difficult topic of Lily. Harry had always wondered about his mother. What she looked like, what she smelled like, if she was kind, if she was smart, how it felt to be held, to be comforted, to be loved. Harry had always thought about Lily more than he had about James, he didn't know if this was only natural especially given that it was her family he had been sent to live with or if somehow he had always subconsciously known that he had more of a connection to her than to James. Whatever the reason, his interest in Lilys history had turned into somewhat of an obsession since learning of his relationship to Snape.
"Are you sure you want the answers to these questions?" his father cautioned "once heard they can never be unheard"
"It doesn't really matter what happened, what's done is done, my not knowing doesn't actually change anything but I think I would get a better sense of who she was, who I am, if I knew the truth of the past. It's part of my story too!" Harry replied with logical conviction.
"Be that as it may you have to remember that what I would tell you would not truly be your mothers story but mine – for I can only show you the past as I saw it myself. I am not proud of my past and I fear you telling you about it could irreparably damage our relationship and yet as you say it was what it was and If you don't hear it from me you will probably eventually hear it from someone else. It's just that I don't want to lose you again Harry" Snape pleaded.
"Please" Harry almost whispered.
"Very well" Severus sighed as he moved towards a cabinet on the sidewall and to Harrys confusion withdrew a large crystal basin etched with mysterious runes. As he set it down on the desk Harry leaned over it to see that it was filled with a strange swirling substance.
"This is a Pensieve, it is a magical vessel used for the purpose of reviewing memories. I was thinking about it last night and I believe it would be easier for me to show you my past than to try to explain but I must warn you it is a strange experience. You might find it painful to see your mother and yet be unable to interact with her. Do you think you can cope with that?"
Harry looked sceptical "Can that basin really send us back in time? What do we have to do, drink from it?"
"No Harry, it won't transport us back through time, it simply shows us a memory. It would be kind of like watching muggle television. You will be able to see things as I saw them then but no one will see you and you cannot change anything nor can you stay behind once my younger self leaves, everything would just fade away to nothingness"
"So it would be like going inside your head?"
"Not exactly, you wouldn't know what I was thinking or anything it's more of a non-participatory, third person kind of view, would you like me to show you an example?"
Harry nodded. Snape held his wand up to his temple and closed his eyes in concentration. Harry looked on fascinated as a wispy silvery substance appeared at the end of his wand. Severus directed it into the bowl and then instructed Harry to stick his head in.
He closed his eyes took a deep breath and plunged his head into the fluid. As he did so he experienced a weird tumbling motion and when he opened his eyes he found himself standing in the corner of the dais in the great hall at Hogwarts. His father was standing looking out one of the windows. He went over to him to ask what they had come to see but Snape didn't seem to hear him. Harry attempted to get his attention by shaking his arm but his hand passed right through him as though he was a ghost. Harry stepped back in shock.
Snape steadied him by resting a hand on his shoulder, "I did warn you that you wouldn't be able to be able to interact with anything in the memory"
"I thought it was you" Harry stuttered.
"It was me" Snape grinned.
"What were you looking at?"
"The students approaching, it is the first day of term."
Harry watched the flickering lights from the window and then turned to see some of the other teachers filter into the great Hall. Professor Sprout approached Snape and enquired after his summer before turning the conversation to the upcoming year. Harry was happy to note that she had enquired after the twins and had listened in fascination as they spoke of the Philosophers Stone, questioning Dumbledores reasoning for bringing it to the school. Seizing the opportunity to discover what sort of things the other teachers talked about he set about wandering around the room, he heard his name mentioned a few times but he couldn't make out what it was any of them were saying. It just kind of came across as a strange humming sound.
Sensing his confusion his father explained. "Remember this is my memory, you can only hear what I heard…."
Harry wandered back over to memory Snape just as Quirrel appeared out of nowhere and stammered his way into the conversation. Harry felt a surge of anger as Professor Sprout enthusiastically asked him about his travels but noted that his father appeared to be silently studying him.
Harry turned back to the real Snape "Did you know what he was hiding?"
"No, but I could sense that something wasn't quite right"
Professor Sprout excused herself to go off and greet Flitwick leaving Snape and Quirrel standing alone. "Did you know H- H-Harry P-P-P-Potter is coming to H-Hogwarts this year?"
"Obviously"
"I met him in D-Diagon Alley with Hagrid" Quirrell continued, " H-he was d-different to how I would have Imagined"
"What were you expecting? " Snape asked impatiently just as a bell tolled in the castle signalling the arrival of the students. The staff took their seats just before they began filing into the hall. Harry watched as Snape nodded in greeting to the Slytherins while glowering at the rest of the students with poor Fred and George Weasley getting the dirtiest look of all.
Once the returning students were all seated, Harry spotted McGonagall leaving the hall to go back and fetch the new first years, moments later she swept back in with them in tow.
Harry watched himself and Ron hurry nervously after her in amusement until his father directed his attention back to Quirrell and his own memory self.
Quirrell was pointing Harry out to Snape, remarking on how small and insignificant he looked.
"He is just a boy Quirinus" Snape retorted, "Were you expecting a grand sorcerer?"
Quirrell shrugged and asked Snape what house he supposed Harry would be sorted into.
"Gryffindor no doubt" Snape relied, rolling his eyes.
Quirrell nodded in agreement, " W-which ones do you s-s-suppose you will get? He asked gesturing at the group assembled in front of the sorting hat.
Snape indicated to Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott and Pansy Parkinson with a smirk before turning his attention to the hat in anticipation of its introductory song.
Harry was amazed. "How did you know?"
"Slytherin is very much a hereditary house; it would have been highly unlikely for any of them to not be in Slytherin "
When the hat had finished its verse and Hannah Abbott had been called forward to be sorted Harry turned to his father and asked whether or not he thought the twins would be sorted into Slytherin.
"I hope not" Snape muttered almost imperceptibly.
Harry looked at him questioningly "Where do you think they will be placed?"
"I have no idea" Snape admitted "Do you think they will be Slytherins?"
"No" Snape smiled at his sons response; "You don't think they will be Gryffindors too though surely, I couldn't possibly live with the shame!" he teased.
Harry laughed and rolled his eyes "I could just imagine how humiliating that would be for you"
"Before I started at Hogwarts myself I feared that they wouldn't be able to sort me at all. My Grandfather had been a Slytherin and personality wise I believed that to be where I would belong but I presumed I would be excluded on account of my muggle lineage. My mother had been a Hufflepuff but I knew I did not share her disposition and I did not consider myself to be in possession of any particular intelligence worthy of Ravenclaw. I also knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was not set to become a Gryffindor as not once had I ever had the courage to stand up to my abusive father. I was terrified that they would not be able to sort me at all I would get there only to be sent back home again in disgrace."
Harry pointed down to himself as he shuffled nervously from foot to foot "I was afraid that they would realise that they had made some kind of mistake and that I wasn't actually a wizard and didn't belong here at all."
When his name was called the hall erupted in a flurry of urgent whispers. To Harry his sorting had seemed to last an eternity but he saw now that it hadn't taken that long at all. He wondered if things would have been different between him and Snape if he had been placed in Slytherin as he watched himself teeter over to the Gryffindor table amidst a din of cheers.
As he sat down the scene began to fade and Harry found himself back in his Fathers study.
"Do you think things would have been different between us if I had been placed in Slytherin?" Harry asked?
"I'd like to think so Harry, but I cannot honestly say" Snape said sadly.
"Why did you pick that particular memory to show me?"
"I wanted to show you something familiar and I wanted to know how you would react when faced with Voldemort"
"Why?"
"In my memories you would come face to face with him at the very height of his power, I wouldn't want to put you in that situation if it were to be particularly distressing for you, also I needed to see how you would react to Quirrell – true he aligned himself with the dark lord but we have no real way of know whether he did so of his own accord or if he was coerced. I on the other hand II actually thought I believed in his twisted ideologies for a time, I…" Severus faltered "I willingly and enthusiastically joined his band of death eaters, pledging allegiance to him and his immoral cause.
Harry went pale and gasped and subconsciously backed away from his father. Snape looked at him, searching his face for emotion.
"You wanted to know the truth" His father reminded him gently as he started shaking and vomited in shock.
Snape cleaned away the mess and offered his son a glass of water while attempting to console him.
Harry muttered something almost indistinguishable about the death eaters wanting him dead and Snape being able to help them.
Snape looked at him in concern, he shouldn't have said anything. He knew the boy had been too young to hear this story but he had been so insistent. "No one is going to hurt you Harry, I won't let them, Joining Voldemort was a terrible mistake, one that I regret every single day of my life, you have no need to fear me son please"
Harry looked up at him cautiously. "Was mum a death eater too?"
"No Harry, Lily was in the Order of the Phoenix – she was fighting against Voldemort and his minions."
"So then how did you…? How did she….? Did you attack her?"
"No! I loved Lily with all my heart, and she loved me, we were friends long before we found ourselves on opposite sides of the war, I should have listened to her, she was right all along, she was always right but I was so desperate to belong. My story I suppose starts with my mother, she was an only child and her father loved her like a son. She must have surprised him by being sorted into Hufflepuff but they remained close until she finished school and fell in love with a local muggle named Tobias Snape. From all accounts he was a kind handsome generous man when she met him but by the time I came along he had turned into a lazy violent alcoholic who was incapable of providing for his family and who regularly beat both me and my mother. I have always been a social outcast, no one ever wanted to play with the skinny kid with all the cuts and the bruised and the greasy hair who wore funny clothes because he was weird. No one except Lily, she thought I was fascinating."
Severus wiped a tear from his cheek and gestured to the Pensieve again, "I'm sorry, this is too hard but I can show you?"