AN: So here is the chapter you have all been waiting for! Animagus reveal and Harry and Blaise have a little chat. When I say little chat, it's about 5000 words long. This whole chapter is just over 12000 words so strap in boys and girls! :D
WARNING: Descriptions of past abuse, nothing too graphic but it's there.
Harry finally entered the common room, after his fight with Blaise he'd taken his time in the showers and as such was the last to return to the common room. When he opened the portrait there was a sudden increase in volume and people grabbing his robes to pull him through. Everyone was cheering and clapping him on the back. Congratulating him on such an amazing catch, he had a butterbeer shoved into his hand and it was a half an hour later before anyone allowed him to sit down. Finally sinking into his favourite armchair he just listened to the noise around him. Smiling when he needed to, laughing at jokes, listening to everyone's version of what happened. All too quickly for Harry, the bell that warned dinner was about to be served was ringing and the party started to break up. Harry made his way up to his dorm to see if there was anything there that he needed for tonight. He heard the door shut behind and looked around to see Ron standing there. "What's happened mate?" Ron asked worriedly.
"Nothing," Harry lied.
"Uhuh, and I'm a niffler," replied Ron as he sat on his bed, "come on mate, give me some credit."
Harry rubbed a hand through his hair, sighing he came to sit on his own bed, realising he hadn't slept in it for a very long time. Facing Ron, but not looking at him he said, "I had a fight with Blaise."
"When?" asked Ron, "you seemed all right when you got back from Hogsmeade? Do I need to hex the bloke?"
"No!" Harry exclaimed, "It's my fault, and er.. well he had my cloak, and he kind of used it to get into the change rooms." Harry told Ron.
"Oh, uh, okay," replied Ron.
"It's not like he was there to spy on anyone or anything, he just needed to make sure I was okay after the match." Harry rushed to reassure Ron.
"Right, so then why'd you fight?" asked Ron, bypassing that issue. Harry looked away and shrugged, "Harry? I can't help you unless you tell me," pointed out Ron reasonably.
Huffing a breath Harry told him what had happened, though he left out the extent of the kissing, he didn't want to make his best-friend too uncomfortable, "anyway and then he made a joke about helping me wash my back and told him should go, he was trying to apologise for upsetting me and I yelled at him. I mean why does he have to be so bloody perfect all the time? He thought I was just uncomfortable about.."
"Yeah, I get it, mate. Don't need the visual too," interrupted Ron.
Harry grimaced, "sorry."
"Seems like it's not me you should be saying that too, Harry." Ron replied, sighing he went on, "this is why I said to you that you should tell him. I get that you're not ready or whatever, but will you ever be if you don't?" Harry glared at him, "look I'm not telling you what to do and I won't interfere. But I do think that you need to say something to him. You're only hurting the both of you know."
Harry didn't want to admit to Ron that he was right, but grudgingly to himself, he thought Ron had a point. "Let's go to dinner," Harry said standing and changing the subject, "are the twins coming tonight?"
Ron sighed but followed Harry's lead, "yeah they are. They said they'll be at the cabinet ready to test it at quarter past eight." Harry nodded and they went down to the Great Hall, as they entered the Hall, Harry scanned the Slytherins, he saw Tracey, Blaise and Daphne. Blaise wasn't looking at him but Daphne was, she looked at him curiously before looking back at Blaise. He turned back towards the Gryffindor table and sat down with his back to them. Both elbows on the table, he sat leaning over his plate. He picked morosely at his food as different thoughts rattled in his head. Maybe he could tell Blaise that he wasn't ready for anything more than what they'd been doing, but he knew that would only work for so long. It wasn't really a long-term solution. His thoughts turned to the salve he wanted to make, but he would need to do some serious research on it. There wasn't a base formula for him to work on like the Wolfsbane. Which meant it would take a long time. Sighing he pushed his plate away. Waiting for Ron, Neville and Luna to finish he continued his melancholic thoughts.
Blaise and the girls had left dinner before the Gryffindors, they made their way circuitously up towards the seventh floor. Entering the Room of Requirement, Blaise sat down on one of the couches and stared into the fire that had roared to life when they entered. "Are you okay Blaise?" inquired Daphne, "you've been unusually quiet this afternoon, even for you."
Blaise shrugged, "is it because of what Harry said about Dumbledore?" asked Tracey.
"Dumbledore? What did Harry say about Dumbledore?" Daphne cried surprised. Tracey filled Daphne in on what Harry had said about the Headmaster as well as giving her a general overview about what they had discussed with Tracey's father that morning. "Oh, Merlin!" Daphne said as her hand flew to her mouth, sitting down heavily on the couch, next to Blaise, "that's, that's."
"Pretty hard to process huh?" agreed Tracey.
"Is that what has you worried Blaise? Do you think Dumbledore could be the one behind Harry's obliviations?" Daphne wondered, putting her hand on his arm in comfort.
Blaise sighed, "partly."
The girls exchanged a look, "and the other part?" Tracey pressed.
Blaise shifted slightly, "it's private but, Harry and I had an argument. Well not exactly an argument, but I don't know what else to call it."
"What happened?" the girls chorused. Blaise furrowed his brow, not wanting to share his relationship problems because he knew Harry wouldn't like it, but not really knowing what else to do. "Blaise, darling, you know we wouldn't say anything and you're obviously troubled. We want to help," Daphne said.
"I don't really understand what happened," Blaise explained, "one moment we were snogging and the next he was yelling at me to go away. I don't quite know what set him off, I did make a light attempt at," he paused for a moment, weighing his words, "progressing physically, but I fully expected to be rebuffed, it was hardly the time or place. But he seemed to, I don't know, shut down? I tried to apologise and that's when he yelled at me."
The girls were silent for a moment before Daphne spoke up, "I think he feels pretty guilty about it, I saw him tonight when they came into the Great Hall, he looked like a kicked puppy."
"I don't want him to feel guilty about it," retorted Blaise, "I want to know what's wrong." Tracey was sitting silently, her features set into a serious expression that didn't suit her normally smiling face. Blaise looked at her, "what is it Tracey?"
He called her name again when she didn't respond and she shook her head as her attention was brought back to the present, "I don't know, it's probably nothing, I'm not even really sure what I was thinking." Daphne made a get on with it gesture. Tracey shrugged delicately, "I was wondering about that remark Harry made about his relatives earlier, and when you said he flipped suddenly, well I started thinking about Theo Nott."
"THEO?!" asked Daphne surprised, Blaise's forehead pinched as he tried to comprehend what Tracey was saying.
"Yeah, I'm probably way off track it was just a random thought, but you remember how whenever we came back from holidays and Theo would totally flip out when anyone tried to touch him?"
"Yes, but that's because his father…" Blaise trailed off his going wide, "no.. you don't think? It's not possible." Blaise tried to deny, but suddenly a lot of things just seemed to jump out at Blaise, the way Harry avoided any talk about his life outside of school. The mentions of his homophobic, muggle relatives not liking magic or anything abnormal, the way his clothes didn't fit him properly, the way Harry was smaller and skinner than the of the boys in their grade. How light he had been when Blaise had picked him off the floor in Gryffindor Tower. How Harry never got changed around him, the way he jumped off Blaise's lap two nights ago, not because it was late, but because Blaise had been about to put his hands under his shirt. The words he had cried out in his nightmare, how he had pleaded with his Uncle and Aunt. How today when he had yelled at Blaise, he had fear and panic in his eyes, not just anger. The reason why he reacted, was it because Blaise had mentioned being nude together? Suddenly the first letter his mother wrote him about Harry swam to the front of his mind.
"It is troubling to me, that you have written that they are already seeking comfort from you so early. This is usually a sign of abuse or an affection starved individual. Be careful in how you proceed my darling, they may appear strong but I would think they have many terrible secrets if this were to be the case. It would not surprise me if they were insecure or timid in starting a relationship, especially anything physical."
Blaise's eyes went wide, as he looked at the girls. They were looking at him with worry and compassion. It fit, but Blaise wasn't sure if he could voice his suspicion out loud. The lock on the door suddenly turned and Blaise hissed at them both, "not one word, do NOT say ANYTHING, to ANYONE, not even yourselves," he commanded. They both nodded quickly and started gossiping about the latest Witch Weekly magazine to make it seem as though they hadn't been talking about anything else. Blaise sat back and tried to relax as the door opened fully to admit Weasley, Neville, Luna and lastly Harry. Blaise looked up and his eyes met briefly with Harry's, Harry's face seemed to flood with guilt and sorrow, he averted his eyes from Blaise and walked over to the whiteboards to start adjusting some of them now that they had seen Mr Davis. Blaise stood, unsure as to what he wanted to do but knowing he wanted to speak to Harry, he walked over to him. "Harry?"
Blaise asked tentatively, he saw Harry's hand twitch and the smaller boy turned around to look at him, leaning against the wall. Harry folded his arms across his chest as he looked up at Blaise, "Blaise," he returned.
"I know this is hardly the time, but are you okay?" Harry glanced away shrugging his shoulders as he did so, well at least he wasn't denying that something was wrong. Feeling slightly braver, Blaise stepped a little closer, "at the risk of sounding like a girl, do you think we can be okay?" Harry was silent for a few minutes not, saying anything for a long moment. Blaise waited patiently with bated breath.
"Yeah Blaise, I just need some time okay? I'm sorry for yelling earlier, that was wrong of me. But," Harry blew out a breath, "can we talk about this later?" He asked finally looking up at Blaise, he was clearly uncomfortable.
"Of course, Harry," replied Blaise, "whatever you want," he said sincerely. Harry made an aborted attempt to touch him, so Blaise stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. He felt the tension in Harry for a moment, before the Gryffindor relaxed and put his own arms around Blaise. They stood quietly for a moment before Harry pulled away.
"I've got to check the potion," he apologised, Blaise nodded and let him go, squeezing Harry's hand gently to assure him that it was okay. His eyes tracked Harry as he walked over to the potions bench and checked the potion, extinguished the flame and started to separate it into individual portions. Blaise didn't notice when Weasley walked over to him.
"Zabini," he said surprising Blaise, the Slytherin flicked his eyes to the redhead before resuming his watch on Harry, "you really care about him don't you?"
"I find it exceptionally hard not to," Blaise answered honestly, "there is much about Harry that invokes strong feelings within me, love only being one of them." Ron's eyes widened at that.
"B-Blimey, you work fast don't you?" Ron stammered.
Blaise shrugged, "I don't know that I'm all the way there yet, but I am falling hard for him." Knowing that his best option with Weasley was to be upfront about his feelings and intentions when it came to Harry.
Ron nodded dumbly, shaking his head and shoulders to reorganise his thoughts, "he told me a little about what happened today."
Blaise looked sharply at Ron, "I wouldn't have thought he would do that."
"He has every right to," Ron began hotly.
Blaise held up a hand, "that's not what I meant, I'm just surprised he did."
"Yeah, well, I just wanted to tell you not to push him too hard. I know he feels bad for yelling at you, but he'll talk when he's ready, not when you are," Ron warned him.
Blaise looked at Ron consideringly, saw the protective stance and noted the defensive tone. "You know something, don't you? About his home life?" Blaise said softly, so his voice wouldn't carry.
A look of surprise flashed across Ron's face before he schooled himself, glancing at Harry, Ron replied just as softly, "it's not my place, Zabini. But the first thing you should know about Harry is that he's stubborn to a fault and once he's set his mind on something. It's almost impossible to get him to change it, regardless if it's good for him or not."
Blaise frowned as he considered Weasley's words, "you love him too don't you?"
Ron nodded, "he's my brother, Fred & George too, they're the same, and they're very protective of him. You should be wary around them for a while, until they trust you with Harry at least, and maybe not even then," Ron warned.
Blaise nodded to show he understood, "perhaps it would go some way to easing their minds if you called me Blaise? I don't intend on parting from Harry, if he's truly your brother, well, it is my hope that one day, we'll be as good as family."
Ron's look was measured as if he were weighing Blaise, Blaise sighed internally at his next words, when it didn't seem like he was found wanting. "Ron, then," he said holding out his hand. Blaise shook it, just as Luna was calling the time. They all hurried over to the cabinet, Harry leant forward and opened the door. He was soon engulfed by two matching redheads. Laughing Fred and George smothered Harry in a hug crying 'brother!'
Harry was laughing at the two of them and hugging them back, if Blaise hadn't known that they were both in a relationship, with women, he'd be quite jealous, as it was his jaw was twitching as they passed Harry back and forth for yet another hug. They greeted the other Gryffindors and Luna. One of them put Ron in a headlock as they said hello. Merlin, thought Blaise, no wonder no one batted an eye at continual fireworks and explosions in Gryffindor Tower if this was how the two of them greeted people. The other twin had picked Luna up and was doing a funny jig with her around the room and Neville was now subjected to being a leaning post as the first was lamenting over the fact they hadn't seen him in 'oh so very long-bottom!' Just as suddenly as they arrived though, they were both standing in front of Blaise. Blaise blinked as he tried to process how quickly they moved without apparating, and from opposite sides of the room with no visible signal.
"and this must be,"
"the infamous Zabini,"
"he's quite a lot more,"
"handsome than you let on,"
"in your letter, Harry,"
Harry approached them with a grin, shoving at the twins he stood next to Blaise, "leave off you guys, yes, this is Blaise, Blaise this is Fred" he said pointing at the twin on the left, "and George," he said motioning to the twin on the right.
"Oi!, I'm Fred!" cried George.
"And I'm George," exclaimed Fred. Harry just raised an eyebrow at them,
"Oh, who are we,"
"kidding, Harry's always,"
"been able to tell,"
"us apart, never can get him,"
"to fall for our tricks."
Fred turned to George, "do you think it's because,"
"of his Marauder Heritage? Possible," replied George.
"Don't they ever give you a headache?" murmured Blaise to Harry.
Harry just grinned and shook his head at Blaise, "anyway," Harry interrupted the twins continuing talk, "this is Tracey Davis, and this," he said beckoning for Daphne to come closer, "is my cousin Daphne Greengrass."
Fred and George both gave her a once over, "much prettier cousin than ickle duddikins Harry."
"much lighter too," Harry snorted at their remarks.
"won't be easy to trick her,"
"into eating any Ton-Tongue Toffees." At this, both Harry and Ron exchanged a glance and bust out laughing.
"Sorry Daphne," Harry eventually managed, "we aren't laughing at you, just what Fred did to Dudley one time."
Fred puffed up his chest, "It was easy, the fat lard was dying for a sweet. Dad said it was four feet long remember? Before they let him shrink it?" Harry nodded his laughter dying off as he remembered what had happened when he hadn't gotten home the next summer.
"Right, well I've got the potion ready to go?" Harry said looking around at everyone trying to drum up some excitement. He was rewarded when he saw seven grinning faces. He looked at Blaise, who he knew wouldn't be taking the potion, but he wanted to see what Blaise was going to do. He was surprised at the look on Blaise's face though, it was very thoughtful, like he was putting together a puzzle. He looked at Harry and his expression melted away into a small smile, the one Harry had come to notice Blaise only wore when he was looking at him. Quirking a lip back as everyone head over to the couches, Harry gathered up the phials from the potions bench. Handing them out to everyone before taking the open seat on the couch next to Blaise, Harry said, "Er, right, so it's supposed to put you into a trance like state and it shouldn't really last for more than an hour." They all nodded and Fred and George raised their phials as if toasting everybody before they knocked them back, everyone else following suit.
Luna licked her lips before she lay down on the couch, putting her head in Neville's lap. Neville gave her a brief smile and stroked her hair before she gave in to the effects of the potion. In her vision she found herself standing in a snowy forest, one that looked remarkably like the Forbidden Forest here at Hogwarts. She glanced around and pawed at the ground, looking down she saw black hair covering her strong legs, hooves glinting dully in the scant light. She tossed her head and felt her silken mane move along her long neck, her tail flicked and she turned her head to look down her long body, seeing her leathery wings and the way her ribs showed, she smiled to herself. Tossing her head again she let out a shrieking whinny and began to canter, coming across a still pond she slowed to walk to the edge and gazed upon her reflection, seeing the blank white eyes, Luna knew without a doubt what form she was. She smiled and sighed, stretching her bat-like wings she wondered how to fly.
Neville's world had grown exponentially, though he recognised where he was, he was inside Greenhouse One at Hogwarts, which was currently in full bloom. The non-lethal plants a riot of colour, some of their petals even larger than he currently was. He was hovering mid-air over one of the flitterbloom bushes, its delicate vines swaying in a non-existent breeze. He could feel a thrumming on his back and assumed he must have wings, how else could he be hanging in the air? He tried to maneuverer himself and started an awkward zig zagging across the room. He fought the urge to land on the flowers and soon he was in front of one the windows, taking in his form he saw Hufflepuff colours and the wicked looking stinger.
Daphne had seated herself on one of the armchairs, her legs tucked delicately underneath herself and she rested her head on her arms on the side of her seat. Closing her eyes she was immediately transported to a wintery landscape, a little ways from her, she saw a cave situated high on a mountainside. Looking around she found she could only see in black and white. But the detail in which she could see was incredible! She could see each individual snowflake as it fell, inhaling she found her sense of smell was heightened to a far superior degree. Stepping forward she saw her foot, or rather her paw, it was mainly white fur with streaks of silver and grey. The claws were rather sharp and from the print she left, she guessed she was a dog of some kind, spinning around to see if she could see the rest of her body she spotted a large fluffy looking tail. She continued to spin to see if she could take in any more of herself. After a moment a thought occurred to her and she promptly sat down, embarrassed to realise she had been chasing her tail. At least there was no-one around to see. She could feel her strength and knew that it added to the strength of her pack, her strength was their strength, as theirs was to her. Scenting something enticing on the air she moved off, a quick effortless gait that she felt she could easily keep all day. She came to the edge of a frozen pond and after nudging away some frozen snow with her paws, she gazed at her reflection. Her mouth dropping into a grin, as she took in the dangerous predator that she would one day become.
Ron had slothed into a beanbag and once he had closed his eyes, found himself on the side of a craggy hill, overlooking a picturesque stream and lightly wooded area. Ron decided that the stream should be his first objective, making his way there he was aware that he did so on four legs. Winding through the trees and finally making it to the water, he waded into the shallows and stared down at his reflected image. He found he had transformed into a rather large dog, his colouring mainly black, with lighter fur on his legs, chest, face and muzzle. Ron knew from looking at the strongly muscled chest and body, powerful jaw, square head and the slightly curved tail that the lighter fur would be rust coloured. He pulled his lips back and had a look at the large sharp teeth. He nodded, from what he knew already of the breed, it suited him.
Tracey was in small dark place, cocking her head she looked around. Spying a small hole where the light shone through, she hopped closer, peering out through the hole, she saw she was in a nest of sorts. It appeared to be made almost entirely of moss and cobwebs. Huh, she thought, seeing a branch in easy reach in front of her. She flew out onto it, wait flew? Startled she spread her arms, well wings. They were definitely wings. The feathers were a mix of black and a delicate blush colour. She looked down at her chest and saw soft white feathers. Looking over her shoulder she saw that her back was mainly black feathers and a darker shade of blush. Her tail though, was thin and long, very long, it was longer even than her body. She looked around her to get an indication of where she was and she saw forests similar to the ones that surrounded her home. Not very dense but lush and green, like it was in spring. She thought she must be fairly small, the leaves on the branches around her were almost her size. She wasn't entirely sure what type of bird she was, as she had never spent much time gazing at them before. But she was excited all the same. She hopped along the branch gleefully and feeling a breeze decided to go for it, flinging herself into the air and flapping madly for a moment she gained altitude and speed and had she been human she would have giggled madly at the feeling of exhilaration.
Fred and George had taken one the love seats for themselves and were not surprised to find one another in their subconscious. They often shared dreams and being magical twins they had long since developed telepathy with each other. They'd never told anyone about their skill as it wasn't all that common, even for magical twins and they found it very useful for surprising people. Looking at each other they immediately knew they were once again the same. But that suited them both just fine, Fred hopped over to George and after rearing up, pushed him over so that they rolled over each other down the grassy hill they had appeared on. Coming to a halt at the bottom, George wondered how fast they were. 'Race you' he thought at Fred and they took off towards a tree they saw in the distance. They bounded over the grassy plain and had it not been for the sharp eyesight, they were sure the speed would have blurred their surroundings. Panting slightly when they stopped, they were soon investigating each other. George batting at Fred's long ears, to which Fred pounced on the fluffy ball of fur that George called a tail. They were both covered in brilliantly, glossy, ginger fur that reflected their own human hair. Dark eyes and twitching noses highlighted their face. When George bared his teeth for Fred to look, they were wide and flat, but razor sharp. 'Wicked!" thought Fred and soon they were playing again, testing their limits, seeing how high they could jump, how far they could leap.
Harry was back in his tree, he had 'woken' to find himself sprawled on a branch, standing up he stretched his long back and started padding through the interconnecting branches. The forest he was in was huge and dense, looking down he saw the same dark paws he had the last time, wide and flat with razor sharp claws that dug easily into the bark if he wasn't careful. He came to a slight thinning in the trees and saw the ribbon of a river, he made his way slowly down an overhanging branch, for some reason reluctant to get wet. Looking down into the moving water he looked into the face that he had seen in the book on big cats. He smiled to himself seeing his panther form, he was very large and very powerful by the looks. Easily big enough to challenge whatever form Ron took. He could see his body was covered in sleek muscle, his whole body designed for stealthy power. He saw that he had kept his brilliant green eyes in this form. He long tailed twitched behind him. Almost brushing the water from where he was sat coiled on the low hanging branch. Harry prowled over to the river bank and started to run, his body loping effortlessly along the riverbank, he marvelled at the way his muscles moved beneath his solid black coat and the easy grace in which he moved. He loved the way he felt in this form, powerful, agile, and graceful, it was just a pity he couldn't fly. Suddenly his vision changed.
Blaise was starting to feel a little uneasy, it had been almost an hour and so far only Daphne, Ron, Tracey and Neville had woken up. When Harry had fallen asleep he had subconsciously curled into Blaise, his head on Blaise's lap. So far everyone had found their forms, and for the most part, they looked happy about it. Blaise could see Neville was torn between being happy and worried. Blaise wondered why that was, they had all agreed to wait and tell everyone at once what their forms were but Harry had made no sign yet of waking. There was a small sound of contented humming and Blaise looked to see Luna waking. She stretched and kissed Neville lightly on the lips, telling him she thought his form suited him perfectly. She turned towards Blaise, "don't worry so hard Blaise, Harry will be fine. I quite expected this."
Blaise frowned at her, "expected what?" he asked.
"That Harry would have more than one form of course, silly!" she said smiling.
"You think Harry's got two forms?" Daphne asked surprised, "it's not possible. There's only a very small handful of people in history who have achieved that and no-one in the last hundred years or more."
Ron chuckled loudly, startling the twins into full consciousness, "well then he definitely has two," at everyone's curious looks, Ron explained, "it's Harry, he's the master of achieving the impossible."
Blaise's fears were slightly soothed, but he wouldn't feel better until Harry was awake and he was sure he was okay.
Harry found himself racing through the middle of a wide desert plain, he was running fast, much faster than he had been as a panther. At the speed he was running he couldn't ascertain the form he was in, he wasn't even sure that it was possible to be in another form. He dared a look down and saw hooves flying out in front of him, a horse? He was a horse? How did that happen? He thought back to when he was in his panther form, he'd thought about flying, how great that would be. Then suddenly as if on extinct he felt two large wings unfurl from his back and a couple of strong pumps later he was soaring through the air, faster than he had been galloping, faster even than his Firebolt. Letting out a yell of triumph, that came out as more of a whinnying neigh, he ducked and dived, rolled and barrelled through the clear sky. He felt exhilarated, he felt free. He could go anywhere, be whoever he wanted in this form. He could live on the ground on in the sky and the speed was incredible, he could outrun anything. He never had to be hurt again. Angling his wings for optimum power he sped on, ever faster. The large plains unchanged beneath him, so he flew on. He soared until he came upon an oasis with a single palm tree and a small patch of grass. He landed, stumbling a little as he did so. Nickering at his fumbling steps he made his way to the water. He flared his wings and peered at himself. He was a steely grey colour, his eyes were dark too, which unnerved him slightly. Looking at his long forehead he saw a patch of white in the centre, it was streaked through his fur and shaped like his scar. He snorted at that and changed his attention to his wings. Stretching them as wide as they could go, he saw that near the bone they were a darker grey they matched his coat, but his feathers faded out to white on the ends. His wings were very long and sleek, the feathers almost impossibly long on the ends. Turning his body to the side to get a full view, Harry saw his slightly darker mane hung long, falling in soft waves almost to his knees, it was thick and silky and had a silvery sheen to it. Flipping his head in pride, his forelock fell forward, covering his forehead and his scar. Looking at his body, he saw it was powerfully formed, like his panther had been. He could see the muscles bunch and flex under the fine hair of his coat. His tail was full and was of a similar length to his mane, just brushing the ground. Harry pranced on the spot, delighting in the beauty of the animal. He had always had a soft spot for horses, and during fourth year had often snuck down to the paddock that had housed Beauxbatons Abraxans. He and Fleur had often met there to discuss the tournament and they had formed their friendship over their shared love of horses. He couldn't wait to show her. He stopped for a moment, he would show Blaise first, before anyone else. After all, he wanted to respect Blaise's family traditions. If it was important to Blaise, then Harry would make sure it happened that way. Remembering Blaise and then belatedly the others Harry decided it was probably time for him to wake up. Looking back into the water once more and committing every detail to memory. Harry closed his eyes and thought about waking up.
Opening his eyes, he found himself staring at an expanse of charcoal grey, frowning slightly he shifted his head a fraction and felt the fingers that had been running through his hair still for a moment before they resumed their progress. Harry met Blaise's eyes and realised that his head was in the Slytherin boy's lap. Blaise mouthed, 'you're awake'. To which Harry pouted, this drew a chuckle from Blaise. "Is he awake?" Harry heard Neville ask. Harry scrunched his nose, it was nice laying like this with Blaise's hand in his hair, his thoughts drifted to what it would be like for Blaise to run his fingers through his mane instead or what it would be like to be scratched behind his panther ears.
"I think he will be soon," replied Blaise, "he's starting to stir." Harry pretended to glare up at his boyfriend before sitting up and stretching, when he settled back in the chair it was rather closer to Blaise, their thighs and sides pressed together. He ran a hand through his thoroughly messed hair and wondered for the first time what it would look like longer. Would it be more like his Pegasus form? Where the weight of it kept it from becoming to untidy? He tried to push the thoughts aside, but he was far too excited to stop thinking about his forms entirely.
"Hey everyone, so how'd you go?" There was a burst of excited chatter as everyone started talking at once. Harry laughed and held up his hand for some silence. "So I'm guessing everyone has a form then?"
They all nodded eagerly, "what about you Harry?" asked George, "you were unconscious a lot longer than us."
"Well," Harry began, "I think I have two forms, at least, I saw two very different animals."
"That's amazing!" cried Daphne and Tracey together, Neville and Ron adding their own affirmations, the twins high-fived and Luna just smiled at him. Blaise put his hand on Harry's knee and squeezed gently, giving him a lopsided smile when Harry looked his way.
"Yeah, um before we go saying what we all got, I just wanted to tell you guys something." They all looked at him with a mixture of confusion and concern, Harry glanced at Blaise again, "well, Blaise told me that there is a tradition is his family, one where the first person to see your animagus is your m-mate." He stammered over the last word. "I, er, I want to honour that, so if you guys want to wait to tell me yours until I can tell you mine then that's okay with me." The twins both groaned in exaggerated disappointment, Ron was watching Harry, trying to ascertain if what Harry was saying was what he wanted. Luna nodded knowingly and Neville shrugged.
Blaise took Harry's hand, "Harry, you don't have to follow my traditions, if you want to tell them it's okay with me."
Harry shook his head, "no I'd like to do this right, traditions are important. I'd like to respect yours, especially as I don't have any of my own." Ron breathed a faint sigh of relief. Tracey and Daphne exchanged a glance, they were pleased that Blaise wasn't the only one giving in this relationship.
"Harry," Blaise began again.
"It's no use arguing Blaise," Ron interrupted, "if Harry's made his mind up, there's no point trying to change it. He's as hard-headed as a horse." Harry took this as an insult against his animagus form and threw a cushion at Ron. "Oi!" yelped Ron.
Tracey giggled at their antics, "I don't mind telling you what I am," she said, "I'm some kind of small bird, I don't know what kind though." The others urged her to describe it, "well, I'm not much bigger than a large leaf, and I've got these pinkish feathers, a white chest and black along the top of my wings and down my back. My tail is really long though, like, it's longer than my body and really thin."
They all mused over it for a second, Harry couldn't come up with anything, rule number one at the Dursleys was 'don't ask questions' after all even if he had seen it he wouldn't have been able to tell you what it was called. "Sounds like a tit," remarked Ron after a moment.
"Excuse me?!" exclaimed Tracey, following Harry's stead and throwing another cushion at Ron.
"Not like that!" Ron cried out, Fred and George were roaring with laughter, whilst Daphne and Tracey were both looking outraged, the others had varying degrees of amusement on their faces. Ron quickly got up and went to the bookcase, waiting for a book to appear he started leafing through it until he found what he wanted. Shoving the book at her he said, "is this it?" She took the book from him and Daphne leant to look over her shoulder. Tracey drew her fingers over the picture and nodded as she took it in. Ron sighed with relief, "it's called a long-tailed tit, there common in certain places throughout England. We have some in the orchard behind our house, they're beautiful birds and they make really cool nests."
George looked at the book, "Oh those things! Yeah they're everywhere at home," Ron nodded his head at George.
Daphne went next, "well I'm a grey wolf," she told them. They all congratulated her and she managed to blush under the praise.
"I'm a thestral," Luna stated matter-of-factly as she swung her legs over the back of the couch so that her head hung upside down.
"Wow, Lune!" said Fred, "that's pretty cool! You're sort of invisible!" She beamed at Fred. Neville laced his fingers through her hand and softly told them he was a bumblebee. Harry could sense that he seemed embarrassed by that fact.
"That's awesome Nev, and it's so you as well," Harry told the bashful Gryffindor. Neville looked up at him, hope warring with pride. "From what I remember from Muggle primary school, Bumblebees are badass. They go about their business all quiet like, but as soon as they or the hive is in danger they rush to defend. Their stingers don't come out either so they can rapidly sting again and again. Plus there's the whole bit about them liking flowers and Herbology is your favourite subject. I don't know of an animal that fits who you are better." Harry said smiling at him. Blaise squeezed Harry's hand, proud that Harry had immediately tried to boost his friend's spirit.
Ron seemed to catch on, "plus you're small Neville, which means you'd be great at spying on people and infiltrating places." Everyone made a fuss about Neville's form being the perfect thing for him and Neville seemed to accept himself more at the end of it.
Fred spoke up next, "well, I think Georgie and I want to surprise you guys with our form," he said with a grin.
"Yep," put in George, "I don't know how we'll show you yet, but they'll definitely be some showmanship involved!"
Harry laughed, "as if we'd expect anything less from you guys," he turned to Ron and Ron shrugged.
"I'm confident about our rematch Harry," he said with a smirk.
Harry returned it full throttle, 'so am I," he replied.
Luna broke the silence that had encompassed them during Harry and Ron's friendly staring match, "well we need to decide who's going to learn the reversal charm, I think two guys and two girls need to learn it. But if Neville learns it then really only I need to learn it, because Neville can do me and I can perform it for Tracey and Daphne."
Harry looked about slightly confused as everyone nodded, Blaise spoke up, "Since I've already learnt my form, I think I should definitely learn it, then there is always someone on hand, just in case."
"Fred and I both need to learn it, we aren't here all the time and don't have access to you guys."
"Hang on, did I miss something?" asked Harry, "why are we deciding this? Fred and George I get, but why can't Blaise just do it for everyone else? I mean, it's not like we'll be practising in class time. So he'll always be around."
"Well, Harry," Tracey said simply, "as much as I like Blaise and know that he wouldn't look at me that way, I still don't fancy being naked in front of him."
"Naked," Harry repeated dumbly.
"Yeah, Harry, until you get the transformation right, and even for a little while after that, it's easier to transform without clothes." Neville said, "I read that in the back of the notebook you copied from McGonagall."
"Right," replied Harry, his hopes of achieving an animagus form dying in front of him, "I didn't get that far. I only read about the potion," he said mechanically, trying not to show his upset at this unexpected news. He went quiet as they hashed out who would worry about learning the spell right away and Neville, Luna, Fred, George and Blaise moved to sit together while they practised. Harry pulled the Marauders Map from his pocket and stared at it for a few long minutes, overwhelmed with sadness as he realised he wouldn't be achieving this Marauder legacy. He shook himself and opened the map, chanting the words he scanned the hallways. Seeing the path to the dungeons was clear he called to Tracey and Daphne, "the hallways are clear at the moment if you want to head to your dorms? Or I can make you a room here?"
The girls looked at each other, "you can do that? With our things as well?" Tracey asked, Harry nodded, "that would be so cool!" she exclaimed. Harry smiled a small smile at her and closed his eyes thinking, a portrait soon appeared on one of the walls, it was of a wolf pack.
Daphne grinned, "why thank you, Harry," she said. Harry just inclined his head at her. They both got up to go check out the room.
Harry glanced at Ron, who jerked his head at Harry and Blaise's portrait. Harry frowned and Ron frowned back, sighing Harry got up and went through, Ron followed him. Neither of noticed Blaise watching with sharp eyes. Once the portrait closed behind them Harry stood in a defensive posture, arms crossed against his chest, warily watching Ron. "What did you want?" he asked.
Ron leant against the wall to seem as non-threatening as possible. "I saw your face when Neville explained the best way to transform. You froze and like someone had just told you Christmas was cancelled."
"So?" snapped Harry.
"So, you looked like you decided you didn't want to do it anymore and you looked like it killed you to give it up."
Harry sneered at Ron, "just because you've gotten all insightful doesn't mean you know what I was thinking."
"Well then go on," retorted Ron, "tell me I'm wrong." Harry turned his face away from Ron and didn't say anything. "Look I get it, I do, but Harry, I know how bad you want this. I'll learn the spell if you want. But as much as I hate to admit it, Blaise is better at Transfiguration than I am."
Harry's head snapped to Ron, "since when did you start calling him Blaise?"
"Since I told him to be careful around the twins and he asked me to, thinking that if I was on a first name basis with him, it might ingratiate him with the twins sooner."
Harry looked Ron over for a lie, but couldn't spot it, so he let it go. "look, Ron, it doesn't matter."
"Don't lie to me Harry," Ron said, "you can tell me if you don't want to talk about something, but please don't lie to me."
"Well, then I don't know what you want me to say, Ron!" Harry yelled frustrated.
Ron sighed, "you already know what I think, Harry. But I think you need to realise how much you're hurting yourself by keeping it such a secret. I'm not saying shout it from the rooftops. I'm asking you to tell your boyfriend, your soulmate. If there is anyone in this world who can give you what you need, it's him. You say you're scared of telling him because you don't want his pity and you don't want him to treat you differently. Do you really think that your soulmate would? That Blaise would?" Harry glared at Ron, refusing to let his words sink in. Because he didn't want to believe him, didn't want to think that Ron might be right. It was easier keeping it a secret, easier having no-one know. Because then there was no possibility that anyone would look at him differently, like he really was a freak. Ron made to leave, just before he pushed the door open he said, "ask yourself this Harry, and then think it over, properly. Did I treat you any differently after I find out? Blaise worships the ground you walk on Harry, don't treat him like a fool," and with that parting comment, Ron left.
Harry wanted to deny everything that Ron had said, had pointed out to him. But he couldn't refute it. Growling in frustration, he pulled his robe and shirt over his head. Tossing them onto the ground he strode into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Taking a deep breath he stood in front of the mirror, normally he avoided looking at them when he wasn't wearing clothes. But he had the sudden urge to see himself, to try and picture himself through someone else's eyes. Standing there, he saw the lash marks that had curled around to his front from his back, they scarred his sides and licked his arms. There were the silvery Inferi scars, and the slashing wound that Pettigrew had given him in fourth year. The round hole in his right upper arm, which looked like acid had bubbled over from the Basilisk bite. The gash in his other arm from the Horntail. There were multiple burn marks from cooking accidents over the years, patches of shiny skin stood out to highlight these. Conjuring another mirror behind himself to better see his back, he saw the whip marks from his uncle's belt and various other implements and scars. His fingers found their way to one, in particular, the perfectly round burn on his shoulder blade from where Uncle Vernon had once stubbed out a cigar on him. Pulling his trousers off he saw the bite marks that marred his leg from when the Acromantula that had bitten him. He looked at his hand and saw the scars that Umbridge had given him. He banished the mirror and undressing completely, went to run the shower. He stood there under the hot spray before slowly sinking down the wall. His thoughts chaotic and swirling. Pro, if he told Blaise he wouldn't have to lie anymore or come up with any excuses, he wouldn't have a repeat of today. Con, Blaise would know. Pro, he could become an animagus like his dad, like Sirius. Con, Blaise would know. Harry's thoughts each fought for dominance, each thought like a battering ram. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, the warm water pounding over him, he was brought out of his haze of thoughts by a soft knock on the door and the call of his name. Panicked he cut off the water, he answered Blaise, saying he just be a moment. Hurrying to dry himself he realised he'd forgotten his pyjamas. Deciding to just get dressed again, he could change while Blaise showered, after all, he grabbed his trousers and pulled them on. Freezing up when he remembered he'd taken his shirt off in the bedroom. Shit, he thought, FUCK! Now, what was he going to do? His emotions were too high for him to think clearly. Fighting back frustrated tears he punched a hole in the wall. This had the unfortunate side effect of alerting Blaise that something was definitely wrong.
"Harry?" he called, Harry sank down against the door, struggling against the inevitable.
"Yeah," he called back in a strangled voice.
"Are you sure okay?" said Blaise, his voice was much closer now, like he was just on the other side of the door.
Harry laughed bitterly, "I'm fucking fantastic, Blaise."
There was a few moment of silence from the bedroom, "I guess I should have expected that answer," Harry felt the door shudder slightly as if Blaise was leaning on it too. "Can I do anything?" Harry was torn, if he asked Blaise to hand him a shirt, then Blaise would know he didn't want to be in any state of undress in front of him, which could lead to him wondering why and Harry didn't want to answer that question. "Ron and the others are gone," Blaise told him when he didn't respond, "Daphne and Tracey are in the room you made for them, and Neville, Luna and Ron borrowed your map. The twins went home."
"Right," Harry said, letting his head fall back against the door.
There was some more silence, "I heard you yelling at Ron before, though I don't know what you said. Ron just told us you guys fought," Blaise spoke, trying again to draw Harry into conversation, "that you needed some time to cool off?"
Harry sighed, "yeah we did, I do," he answered.
"Do you want me to go? Let you have the night to yourself?" Blaise asked, Harry could hear it in his voice how much he hoped that Harry would say no. Harry knew Blaise was just offering what he thought Harry wanted, but it made it harder for Harry to justify hiding his secrets from Blaise. Blaise only wanted to be there for him.
"No," said Harry quietly, "no I don't," and truthfully he didn't, he didn't want to send Blaise away again. He wanted to fall asleep with Blaise like always, he wanted to the solid, steady presence that Blaise offered, the warmth he provided, the safety and comfort of his arms. A thought came to Harry then, so what if that made him weak? Blaise wouldn't think so, Blaise wanted to be that for Harry, it's what he had done every night Harry had first crawled into his bed and every night they shared a bed since. It suddenly struck Harry what Ron had been saying tonight, he allowed the words to sink in. Blaise wouldn't treat Harry any differently, he might be a little more protective though Harry thought, the need for contact might be stronger. Like what had happened after Quidditch today. But Harry figured he could handle that, it would actually be wonderful, he thought, to be protected for once and he enjoyed being touched by Blaise, cuddling on the couch, groping in the locker room. Harry flushed remembering that particular scene. What was more of that in comparison to the heartache he was causing himself now? Ron's voice echoed in his head, 'your soulmate'. Ron was right, Harry thought, if anyone needed to know it was Blaise.
"Blaise?" Harry said, his throat suddenly dry. He licked his lips trying to work some moisture into his throat.
"Yeah, Harry?" came the reply.
"Can you do me a favour?" Harry asked.
"Of course," answered Blaise.
"Would you please close your eyes? I'm coming out but, I forgot my clothes and.. well there's something I need to talk to you about." Harry said, if he didn't say it now he felt he would chicken out. He heard Blaise move away from the door and when Blaise called out to let him know it was okay to come out, Harry took a deep breath and summoned every bit of Gryffindor courage he had. Opening the door a crack he saw Blaise was turned away from the door. Feeling relieved that Blaise was doing as he asked he quickly hurried to the dresser and pulled on a fresh pair of underpants and his pyjamas. Once properly dressed he sighed a sigh of relief, at least starting this conversation would be easier without Blaise knowing the extent of it. He padded softly over to Blaise and touched his arm. Blaise turned to look at him, worry evident in his eyes. He stepped closer to Harry and twined their hands together.
"Are you okay?" he asked again, "I'm worried about you."
Harry shook his head, "not right now, but maybe soon," he said cryptically. "Look, um, do you want to shower first? What I have to say is going to take a while."
Blaise frowned, "I don't really want to leave you alone again," he told Harry, "you just said you're not okay, how can I leave you now?"
Harry gave him a small smile, "I'll be fine for a few minutes while you shower, I'm not going to run off or anything, promise." Blaise was still frowning, clearly unhappy with what Harry was asking, "please Blaise, plus you'll be giving me a few minutes to collect my thoughts properly."
Blaise sighed and pulled Harry into him, placing his forehead on Harry's he said, "Fine, but I won't even be five minutes alright? And if you need me just call me. Please?" Harry looked into his eyes and saw how serious he was. Harry nodded. Blaise pressed closer and placed a kiss on Harry's lips. He squeezed his hands before he let go. Harry watched as he quickly disappeared into the bathroom. Sighing he went and sat on the bed, back against the head board he pulled the blanket over his lap. Not really needing the warmth as the fire was quite high at the moment, but liking the comfort it provided. He tried to think of what he was going to say, whether or not to downplay it or not. He decided, he'd just be honest and hoped Blaise wouldn't take it very badly. It seemed like not long at all before Blaise was back and making his way to the bed, Harry watched as he moved gracefully across the room, clad in his black, silk pyjama bottoms, Merlin he looked good. Harry swallowed, now was not the time to be thinking about that though. Blaise lifted the covers and moved onto the bed beside Harry, but instead of sitting as Harry was, against the headboard, he crossed his legs and faced Harry.
Harry took a deep breath and then stopped, biting his lip as he really didn't know what to say. Could hardly believe he was going to say anything at all, let alone contemplating on showing Blaise. Blaise put his hand on Harry's knee, "Whatever it is Harry, there is nothing, absolutely nothing that could ever change the way I feel about you." Harry met Blaise's eyes and saw the truth of his statement, feeling stronger, Harry took another breath.
"Don't stop me until I finish okay? I don't know that I could start again." Blaise nodded to show he understood, and Harry began his story. "I suppose I have to tell you how it started, you know obviously that I was orphaned, but what you probably don't know is that I was left on my aunt and uncles doorstep in the middle of the night. With just a letter explaining to them what had happened to my parents. Aunt Petunia is my mother sister you see and Dumbledore setup blood wards at the property. Something to do with my mum's sacrifice and her blood still running in Aunt Petunias veins, being able to protect me. Anyway, since I arrived on their doorstep, I was a burden to them. They both hated magic, my Aunt the most I think, but Uncle Vernon's just as bad, they didn't want me to be a wizard. My 'bedroom' until I was eleven was the cupboard underneath the stairs, I was only given a proper room because my Hogwarts letter was addressed to Mr Harry J Potter, The Cupboard Under The Stairs, Number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging. That's when the letters changed to 'the smallest bedroom'. Ever since I can remember they've always treated me badly, some of my earliest memories are of cleaning the house, weeding the garden, cooking. I was always up before everyone and last to bed at night. I was only allowed to eat what was left over from meals and if you ever see my Uncle or Dudley then you'll know there wasn't a lot. It wasn't until I started going to muggle school when I was five, that I realised I even had a proper name. I was always 'boy' or 'freak' at home." Harry didn't look at Blaise, instead, he kept his eyes on the bedcover, he could see Blaise's hands though, the one that was on his knee was providing steady pressure and comfort, the other was curled tightly into a fist. Harry cleared his throat,
"I brought home my first report card and my grades were better than Dudley's. I thought maybe I had done something right, that they could be proud of me too. That night was the first time Uncle Vernon broke my arm." Blaise made a jerking motion, but stilled quickly, "I didn't realise at the time but my magic kept me from getting sick, or from things getting infected, it made sure my bones healed straight as well. From then on though, I made sure my grades were never better than Dudley and started studying in secret, I didn't want to be stupid, like the kids at school called me. Dudley has always been huge, and he used to bully the other kids into doing the same to me. I made a friend once and Dudley beat him up so bad that he never spoke to me again. As we grew up Dudley made up a game called 'Harry Hunting' which was pretty much him and his friends looking for me until they found me so they could flush my head down the loo or beat me blue." Blaise's grip on Harry's knee was getting tighter.
"At home, I started having bouts of accidental magic, one time I made all my hair grow back after Aunt Petunia shaved my head, another time I somehow apparated, though I didn't know it then, onto the roof at school to get away from Dudley and his gang. Every time I did something strange and unexplainable, Uncle Vernon, he would," Harry cleared his throat, "he would try to 'beat the magic out of me'. It wasn't long until I started having nightmares, I'd wake up screaming and yelling and Uncle Vernon would wake up and I'd be in trouble for waking him up and disturbing his sleep. They'd lock me in my cupboard for days on end during the holidays, so they didn't have to look at my 'stupid face'. If I was lucky they'd remember to feed me. The school never noticed or did anything, because Uncle Vernon took me to a doctor one day, and he told me to make the doctor believe that I did it all to myself. He had a signed note from a medical professional that stated I was an opportunistic liar, prone to starving myself and self-flagellation, the story was, I'd stayed up late one night without permission and seen it in a movie. It wasn't long after that, when Uncle Vernon started using me as a punching bag to relieve his 'stress from work' it was like to doctors note gave him free rein to do as he pleased. Aunt Petunia never stepped in, she claimed it was for my own good, that I should be grateful so I didn't end up like my drunken parents. That's what they told me, they said that mum and dad died in drink driving car accident. They kept my Hogwarts letters from me for weeks. It wasn't until Hagrid came, on my birthday, and found us on this godforsaken rock in the middle of the ocean that Uncle Vernon dragged us to, when I found out the truth. That I was a wizard, that's when they told me about the blood wards and how they were protecting me from a murderer. Hagrid agreed with them, said Voldemort was still out there. Of course, he didn't know how bad the Dursleys were. Hagrid took me to Diagon Alley, he brought me Hedwig, she was the very first thing that someone had brought me for the sake of getting me something. Uncle Vernon beat me every night between my birthday and the first day of school, hoping that he could beat the magic out of me so I wouldn't get to go." Harry paused his throat getting scratchy, he looked at Blaise when the other boy made a noise to get his attention, he was holding out a glass of water for Harry. Harry smiled gratefully at him and took a sip of the cool liquid.
"At the end of the year, I told Dumbledore that the Dursleys weren't good people and I asked if I really had to go back there. He told me I did, because of the blood wards. So every summer I have to go back, I can't use magic so I can't defend myself and Uncle Vernon always finds a reason to hit me, usually my nightmares which have only gotten worse because of the things that happen at school every year and Voldemort. At the start of second year, Ron and the twins came and rescued me, they flew the Ford Anglia to come to see me in the middle of the night. I hadn't been able to write back to them at all because Uncle Vernon had locked Hedwig in her cage and they were worried because I'd promised I would. There were bars on my windows and everything, the twins came in and they got my trunk from where it was locked away in my old cupboard and they broke me out. That was probably one of the best summers of my life, staying at the Burrow. Mr & Mrs Weasley were happy to have me, apparently, they had already written a letter to the Dursleys asking to have me for the rest of the summer. The beginning of third year was terrible, Uncle Vernon's sister Marge was visiting, she's just as horrible as Uncle Vernon and she'd set her dog on me whenever she could. She was comparing my mum to a badly bred dog and I blew her up like a balloon by accident. I didn't stick around to see what Uncle Vernon would do, so I ran away. Caught the Knight Bus and spent the last two weeks of summer at the Leaky Cauldron. Florean Fortescue's really nice," Harry told Blaise remembering with a small smile,
"He helped me with my history assignment and gave me free ice-cream, he knows a lot about witch burnings. Fourth year wasn't too bad, I told them that Sirius was my godfather and forgot to mention he was innocent. They pretty much left me locked in my room and Ron and the Twins would send me food, until I could meet them for the World Cup. Fifth year I had a lot of nightmares about Cedric, he died right in front of me, all because I told him we should take the cup together. Uncle Vernon thought he was my boyfriend and started whipping me for a whole new reason. This year, someone told them that Sirius died, and it was pretty bad until Dumbledore came to get me for that Inferi mission. He let me go to the Weasleys afterwards." Harry was done, he'd pretty much told Blaise everything, there were a few details here and there, but nothing overly important. Just more of the same. He figured he didn't have to list every injury he'd ever gotten. "So, uh, yeah. That's my story, it's why I yelled at you today and why I've pulled away from you sometimes." Harry finished quietly. Resolutely not looking at Blaise, his heart was pounding, what was Blaise going to say?
Suddenly Harry found himself wrapped in Blaise's arms and held tightly, Blaise seemed to be trembling, Harry moved himself into a more comfortable position, straddling Blaise's lap he lay his hands on Blaise's chest and tucked his head under his chin. Blaise just pulled him even closer so there was no space between them. His hands gripping Harry firmly, as if to make sure he was real and wasn't going anywhere. Harry's ear was pressed against Blaise's chest and he could hear how loudly his heart was beating. They sat like that for a long time, Blaise had his lips pressed into Harry's hair and one hand stroking the back of his neck. "Blaise?" said Harry softly after a while. Blaise hummed, "are you okay?" Harry asked.
Blaise laughed sourly, "I should be asking you that."
Harry pulled back slightly so he could look at Blaise, though Blaise didn't relax his hold, he allowed the movement. "Blaise, I don't really care about what happened to me, I just don't want it to change things between us. I don't want people to have another reason to talk about me."
"Harry," said Blaise incredulously, "it is not okay what they did to you, any of it."
Harry shrugged, "yeah well, it's done, not much I can do about it now and if Mr Davis can emancipate me I never have to see them again."
Blaise growled ferociously, "Harry, you're not going near those people again, at the very least, without me by your side and I won't need magic to rip them limb from limb." Harry looked at Blaise with a little awe at the vehemence in his words, slowly Harry leant forwards and kissed Blaise gently on the lips. Blaise softened a little under the tender kiss when Harry pulled back Blaise asked, "is this what you and Ron have been fighting about? You said he knows about this? The Twins too?"
Harry shrugged and looked away from Blaise's violet stare, "the Twins only know about the cupboard and the food. They don't know for sure the rest, though I wouldn't put it past them to guess at more. Ron knows what they know, but he found out about the beatings this summer," he said quietly.
Blaise tucked his fingers under Harry's chin and drew his face back so they were eye to eye again, "you don't have to hide from me Harry, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this. Though can I ask what changed your mind?"
"It was the reversal spell. I didn't realise that transforming for the first few times was best done naked." Harry's face reddened as he continued, "I've um, I've never been, naked, in front of anyone, because of my scars, and I didn't want anyone to see them. Especially you, because I didn't want you to think I was weak or pitiable. I was going to give up and the idea of becoming an animagus, but Ron saw that and that's what we argued about tonight, he knows how important it is to me. He's been telling me to tell you about this lately, that's why we've been fighting." Harry sighed, "I want to be an animagus so badly Blaise, to start with it was a way of being closer to my dad, you know? But now, after seeing my forms? Experiencing them? I want it almost more than anything else. But then when I found out that someone might see me, see what the Dursleys have done to me. I was going to give it up. It wasn't until I was sitting against the door, when you asked me if I wanted you to go, when I decided that I didn't care about being weak, because what good is me being strong, when it pushes you away?" Harry swallowed thickly, unsure exactly what he was saying, but knowing he meant it. He hoped Blaise understood what he was rambling on about.
Blaise smiled at Harry's last few words, he leant in and captured Harry's lips for another kiss. Harry was a little surprised, but pleased nonetheless, he opened his mouth to Blaise and they kissed fervently for a few minutes. They were both slightly breathless when they pulled back. Harry smiled shyly at Blaise, and Blaise pecked him on the lips. That sat for a moment, just looking into each other's eyes. Harry saw it the exact moment when Blaise got serious. "Harry," he said quietly, Harry had an uneasy feeling about what Blaise was going to ask, he held his breath. "I'll understand if you don't want to, especially tonight considering how big a deal it was for you to just tell me about your home life. But,"
"You want me to show you." Harry finished for him.
"Only if you feel you can, Harry," Blaise said, quick to reassure the nervous Gryffindor, "you can take all the time you need. It doesn't have to be tonight, or soon, or hell, even before Christmas." Harry put a hand on Blaise's lips to silence him. Blaise's eyes flicked between Harry's fingers and his face.
"I kinda thought you'd want to see," he responded. Taking his hand away, he drew a deep breath and started to undo the buttons on his shirt. Blaise's hands loosened from their hold and drifted down to rest on Harry's thighs. Slowly a sliver of Harry's chest started to show, more with every button released. When Harry reached the last one, he looked at Blaise again, Blaise leant forward to plant a chaste kiss on Harry's lips, just enough to show his feelings. Harry drew strength from the contact and slowly shrugged off his shirt. His hands once free went to cup Blaise's face and kept the kiss going.
They broke contact eventually and Blaise continued to look Harry in the eye, "are you sure you're okay with this?" Harry exhaled noisily through his nose, before nodding and letting go of Blaise's face. Blaise watched Harry for a moment more, seeing the acceptance in Harry's eyes, he slowly dropped his gaze. Careful not to let his emotion show on his face as he didn't want Harry to misinterpret anything, he looked over Harry's chest, he noticed first the slender build and the wiry, defined muscles that Harry acquired from playing Quidditch. Then he noticed the scars, the pink, shiny flesh and white raised skin. He moved one hand up to caress one of the burns, his eyes meeting Harry's in question.
"Cooking burns," Harry whispered.
Blaise nodded and his eyes roved on, seeing a large round scar on Harry's upper arm, he remembered the story Harry had told him about the second year. Softly he asked, "Basilisk?" It was Harry's turn to nod.
On Harry's other arm, he saw a cut on the inside of his elbow, worried it was self-inflicted, he looked at Harry, "Peter Pettigrew, after the tournament, I'll tell you that story another time," Harry said. Blaise's hand trailed upwards to the slash across his bicep. "Horntail," Blaise nodded, remembering that Harry had points docked for being injured in the first task. His fingers trailed across Harry's collarbone, he saw goose pimples erecting under his touch and dared a small smile at Harry, who amused, smiled back at him. Blaise frowned when he saw a long thin scar that came over Harry's shoulder, from his back, looking down Harry's sides he saw more like that, they seemed to curl in towards Harry's front. Harry bit his lip, and shifting off Blaise, he paused for a minute taking in Blaise's worried expression, before laying down on his front. He heard Blaise's soft intake of breath and felt his weight settle next to him. Blaise had stretched out alongside Harry and had slid one hand underneath the pillow to hold Harry's. While the other one traced along some of the more defined marks. Harry knew that there wasn't much space on his back that was free from Uncle Vernon's attention, so he waited with bated breath as Blaise looked. He felt Blaise's fingers pause on the round mark on his shoulder blade, "cigar," Harry said.
"Excuse me?" asked Blaise softly, sure that he had misheard Harry.
Harry lifted his head a little so his voice wasn't so muffled by the pillow, "Uncle Vernon smokes cigars," he replied.
Blaise felt the anger bubbling up inside him again, Harry's uncle had used him as a fucking ashtray? He tried to calm a few calming breaths and continued his examination. Some of the lashes across Harry's back were wide enough to be caused by a belt, but there were some that were slimmer and there were these three small square like marks patterned across his back. "What about these?" Blaise asked gently, "the skinny ones with these little marks on top?" He felt Harry shift and he squeezed his hand and flattened the other one to rub small circles on Harry's back.
"Electrical cord," Harry answered, "it's a muggle thing." Blaise frowned to himself, he would find out what this electrical cord was. Blaise figured he'd probably asked enough questions, so he decided to do what he had been wanting to do to the first scar he had laid eyes upon.
Harry was enjoying Blaise's touch, even if he was uncomfortable with Blaise seeing him like this. He closed his eyes as Blaise rubbed circles on his back. No-one had ever touched him so gently or lovingly before. He stiffened when he felt soft lips press against his back, right on top of his scars. First Blaise kissed the cigar burn, then he shifted his attention to the others, Harry wasn't sure how to react, so he just lay still, muscles tight under his skin. Blaise could feel the tension rolling off Harry, but he was determined to continue. Slowly Harry relaxed under Blaise's ministrations and when Blaise was certain he had covered the entirety of Harry's back he pulled at Harry so that they were both lain on their sides facing one another. He shifted so they were close and kissed Harry's face before settling on his lips. Harry was pliant under his lips and Blaise kept the kiss slow and languid. He pulled away and lay his head down on Harry's pillow. Their breath mingling as they gazed at one another, "Harry, I want you to know that these," he said trailing a hand up Harry's back, pleased that Harry wasn't pulling away from his touch but seemed to be leaning into it. "These don't make you weak. They simply mean that you're stronger than what has tried to hurt you. Your Uncle, the dragon, a bloody basilisk. Voldemort," Blaise said trailing a finger over the scar on his forehead. "They each tell a story that you survived, a story of how incredibly strong you are, how could I see them as anything else? How could they make me want you any less? Love you any less?"
Harry's eyes widened and his heart rate picked up. Did Blaise just say he loved him? Harry started to panic, he didn't know what love was, wasn't sure what he felt about Blaise. "Blaise, I.." he stammered trying pull away, Blaise's arms tightened around him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that," Blaise told him.
Harry felt his heart sink, he thought he was being irrational, first, he was scared of what Blaise had said and now he was upset that Blaise took it back. "You didn't mean it?" He asked, upset that his voice cracked on the last word.
Blaise was gazing at Harry's face, "I do, everyday a little more. I just didn't think you were ready to hear it. I don't want to rush you, Harry. Into anything, even feelings for me." Harry's own gaze was searching Blaise's face for any sign that he wasn't being honest, but Blaise's face was the most open Harry had ever seen it. Swallowing nervously, Harry extended a hand and placed it on Blaise's cheek.
"I'm not sure I know what it feels like," he whispered so quietly that Blaise had to strain to hear it. "I know that I hate to be apart from you, I know how much I enjoy being with you, regardless of what we're doing. I know how happy I am when we're close like this. I feel this bubbling warmth inside me when I think about you, I like how you make me feel about myself. I know that I feel stronger about you every day. But Blaise, I don't know what lo.."
Blaise interrupted Harry with a kiss, when he broke it he said, "then I'll just have to show you, and hopefully one day, whenever that may be, you'll know and I hope that you'll be able to tell me." He smiled comfortingly at Harry. Harry gave him a tentative smile back before he succumbed to a yawn. Blaise chuckled, "come on, we, well you, have had a massive day. Roll over, let's get some sleep." Harry tiredly agreed and did as Blaise asked after he kissed him one last time. Blaise moved up behind Harry to slot himself around the Gryffindors body. He buried his nose in Harry's neck for a moment, planting kisses where his mouth came into contact. "Sweet dreams, Harry," he whispered, then when he heard Harry's breathing even out signalling his descent into sleep, "I love you."
AN: Right, so here's the part where I explain my choices for the animagus forms I picked:
Luna = Thestral, because Luna sees things that aren't always there, and people generally avoid her because she's different, Thestrals are highly intelligent, just like Ravenclaws.
Neville = Bumblebee, like Harry said, they're badass, usually vastly underestimated, normally docile until angered or threatened, then they are fearsome. Plus there's the whole Herbology connection :) Plus Bumblebees are one of the few bee species that can repeatedly sting.
Ron = Rottweiler, because they are reflective of deeper meaning, selective with their friendship, loyal, extremely protective and willing to put themselves at risk for others if needed. (Giant chess set sacrifice anyone?)
Tracey = Long-Tailed Tit, gorgeous little bird (seriously look them up, so cute) highly social, and they are natural helpers.
Daphne = Grey Wolf, great commitment and love for family, elegant communicators, extremely intelligent, wolves are also defensive not offensive creatures. They will avoid confrontation if they can but can be ferocious when needed.
Fred & George = Little ginger bun bun fluffies! (rabbits for those of you who didn't make the connection) I think it's kind of self-explanatory, rabbits are unpredictable and spontaneous. Highly observant and alert, clever and quick-witted and in many folklores, they are seen as tricksters.
Harry = Panther, symbolise death and rebirth, they are guardians and a symbol of power, valour and courage. They have a commanding presence and force you to face your fears.
Harry = Granian, (a magical pegasus breed, swifter than even the fastest winds) horses represent inner strength and the psychological or emotional ability to go on in life. Horses are creatures of freedom in all forms, stallions are protective and natural leaders. Independent and yet a herd animal.
So tell me, what did you think of everyone's animagus? And what did you think/feel about Harry and Blaise at the end there? Am I forgiven?
Much love to you all
Ariel
xx