Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or RWBY.
Reading: Veritas Aequitas
XXVI: Eventful Evening
"I like where this is going," Yang said with a grin as the episode title appeared on the screen.
"I hate this show. With all of my hate." Weiss grunted.
"This is so not fair." Weiss mumbled as she watched Yang prepare herself for a night on the town.
After vanishing the night before for an uncertain period of time, Yang had spent most of the day moping and lazing about, halfheartedly reading articles on her scroll, watching videos on her scroll, and even lazily petting Zwei – who, let's face it, didn't mind that, but Weiss felt it could've been a bit more affectionate to the cute mascot of the team.
"We can't pamper him too much." Ruby said with Yang nodding alongside her. "He'd get spoiled."
"Nonsense! He deserves to be pampered!" Weiss argued sternly.
Blake scoffed. "No, he doesn't."
"Speak not your blasphemy!"
It was only after her dunce of a boyfriend dropped by and offered to take her out on the town that Yang started to perk up. Now, normally Weiss would be happy for Yang, but, one of the conditions after the event that was called The Breach was that all students would remain at Beacon. Somehow, by some act of God or Oum or whatever Naruto had in his corner, the whiskered boy had gotten an out. An out that Naruto refused to divulge when asked.
So, not only was Yang going out to live it up that night with her significant other, but she was also doing so while supposedly breaking the rules.
Basically, it was a huge, thrilling adventure for the buxom blonde.
"I do like a thrill ride." Yang beamed while the other members of her team frowned.
Damn her luck. Weiss and Blake thought sourly.
Aww, man. I want to have a big thrill adventure! Ruby thought jealously with a whine.
And her teammates were going to be stuck in Beacon for all of it.
Needless to say, Weiss was a tad jealous.
"More like super jealous~!" Yang sang out.
"Yang, don't make me freeze your mouth shut." Weiss warned the blonde.
"I'd like to see you try." Yang challenged.
"No fighting!" Coco chimed.
"Well, if you asked your badass hunk of a boyfriend, oh right..." Yang grinned at the scowling heiress. "You don't have one."
"Spiteful wench, aren't you?" Weiss pursed her lips.
"Yep~!"
"And chalk up another point for Yang," Blake said dryly as she turned the page in her now signed edition of Ninjas of Love. The Faunus didn't feel as embarrassed to have it in her possession anymore, but she was careful around Kurenai. She heard the woman had burned Sasuke's copy (which was then thankfully replaced by Jiraiya), and didn't want to risk it. Despite what Kurenai and many others thought, the graphic scenes only added to the romantic plot hidden between the lines.
"It really does." Coco sighed out happily.
Blake looked at the older woman as a feeling of kinship like no other arising within her soul.
"Oh, great. Now there are two of them." Weiss said dryly. She ignored
Velvet flushed and kept her mouth shut since she was the one who got Coco into the series.
Lecher of the highest order he may be, but Blake was certain that Jiraiya was also a closet romantic.
Weiss sent the Faunus a dour look before she glared back at Yang. "That was so uncalled for."
"Don't care. I'm riding my high as long as I can tonight," Yang said. She tilted her head thoughtfully. "I wonder if I can ride something else, too. Maybe get a hotel room for a night...I have been saving my allowance."
"…Yang!" A green-faced Ruby cried out. "Dad will kill you!"
"No he wouldn't." Yang waved her sister off. "He'd try to kill Naruto…Probably."
"...Gonna puke." Ruby ducked into the bathroom, Zwei barking and following after her. Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration while Blake rolled her eyes.
"She was probably talking about her motorcycle tuned up in a shop," the reading girl said dryly. Blake didn't put it past the blonde to do that and then hold the thoughts of what happened over everyone's heads. Knowing Naruto, who would consider it a great prank of infinite proportions, he'd probably back her up on it.
"Nope. I was being serious." Yang's chirp made Blake choke on her own spit and Weiss' face burned. The blonde turned and shrugged at her teammates' incredulous looks. "What? We've been together for, oh, two months? More? That's long enough, I'd say."
"Rawr! Go, Blondie." Coco smirked in approval at the younger woman.
Yang gave her two thumbs up in return.
"This is your first date!" Weiss protested.
"Off campus." Yang corrected her with a smirk as she finished putting on what she called her 'Hunter' outfit. "Whisker Boy and I have had plenty of dates during class."
"...Is that why you keep disappearing during lunch!?" Ruby asked as she walked out of the bathroom, the toilet draining behind her. Zwei trotted out a second later, panting happily as can be.
"And the classes after? Oh yeah. We've had three movie dates and about a dozen lunch dates," Yang said proudly. They hadn't been caught skipping once, either, so that was a boost to her pride.
"That's not how dating works," Weiss said sourly.
"Yes it does, and how would you know? When was the last date you had?" Yang shot back with a smirk.
Weiss' mouth shut with a click and she gave the buxom blonde a dark glare.
She went into the bathroom to double check her makeup. "If he pulls a classic on me and takes me to dinner, I think we'd have hit all the marks on the list."
"...You do plan to be safe, right?" Blake asked, peeking over her book.
"I'm not ready to be an aunt!" Ruby wailed out. "It would be just like those teen dramas!"
Weiss, Pyrrha and Ren nodded in agreement.
Seeing this, Jaune turned to Nora and raised a brow in question.
"The boy is a sap for a good drama," she said simply.
"Well, duh." Yang rolled her eyes. Contrary to what many believed, she wasn't a brainless beauty. She knew that the chance for involuntary reproduction during one's first time making the Grimm with two backs was just as high as any other time. She walked out of the bathroom as she began to brush her hair. "I don't want to be a mom yet, and I'm pretty sure Naruto's not ready to be a father."
"Understatement of the century," Weiss said with a roll of her eyes.
"Yeah, Dad probably wouldn't like it if you became a mom so soon." Ruby nodded and Zwei barked his agreement as they sat down next to Weiss.
"Dad is so not one to talk." Yang mumbled to herself as she reflected on the conversation she had the night before. Apparently, her beloved, protective goof of a father tried to change her diaper once and somehow got the used one on his head.
"He was never good with stuff like that." Ruby said through her giggles while Yang laughed.
Switching hands, Yang smiled and closed her eyes. "But, that outcome aside, yeah, I think we're ready."
"...Well, it's your relationship." Blake conceded and disappeared back into the realm of budding romance between Nimato and Koo-Sheena.
"They mean my late to-be in-laws." Yang corrected.
"Can we please not talk about that?" Blake squeezed her eyes shut with a groan.
"Darn right it is." Yang set her brush on her dresser and faced her team, her hands on her hips. "Well? Do I look Yang-able or what?"
"I'd tap it." Coco smirked.
Yang blinked and eyed the older girl warily. "Um, thanks?"
"Oh, no prob love."
Her teammates groaned at the pun. Zwei laid down and covered his eyes with his paws. Their answer made Yang grin.
"You girls wish you looked this good."
"Please, who wants a fat chest?" Weiss huffed.
"Says the one with a 'modest' bust." Yang snarked.
"Are you taking a crack at my chest size?" Weiss asked dangerously as she covered up the anatomy parts in question.
"What? You're a size above a mosquito bite, right?"
"Go die!"
"I didn't even know I had this shirt," Naruto said as he looked at the azure long-sleeved V-neck that clung to his torso like a second skin. In place of his normal baggy black and orange hoodie was a more stylistic rustic orange jacket, left unzipped to compliment Naruto's roguish handsomeness (he was not cute!). Comfortably fitted dark pants covered his legs – apparently they accented his "greatest asset," in Coco's words, whatever that meant – which were held up by a stylish belt while his home's traditional combat sandals protected his feet.
"Mm-mm. Bae looks yummy." Yang said with a bright smile and lidded eyes.
"Indeed he does. Definitely a nine in those pants." Coco nodded in agreement.
"Trust me, I had to dig to find it. You have way too much orange and black, Naruto." Coco complained. Upon hearing through the grapevine of gossip (Kurama) about her little brother's planned night on the town, the leader of Team CFVY made it her duty to make him look good. It was really a challenge that she felt obligated to take, and considering her success with Fox and his own orange fetish, Coco knew it would be difficult, but doable.
"It really is a challenge." Coco said to the male beside her.
Fox just shrugged.
"I've said it before, I'll say it again: Damn, you clean up good, stupid." Kurama grinned from where he and Velvet sat on his bed. The rabbit-eared Faunus gave him a small nudge and he shrugged. "What? I say it with love."
"Oh god, you two look so cute together!" Coco gushed as she hugged her friend. "We need to find you a good man Velvet. The proof is in the pudding!"
"I-I'm fine for now." Velvet assured her team leader.
"I-it's still not nice," Velvet said with a frown.
"Bah, he's thick skinned. Trust me, Vel, I've called him worse."
"Yeah, thanks for that, Fuzzbutt." Naruto mumbled. He ducked under the book that was thrown his way and grinned at the scowling Faunus. "Ha! Missed me!"
"Kurama, you probably shouldn't start a fight after Coco spent so much time playing dress up with her Naruto-Doll." Sasuke warned, a smirk plastered on his face. Kurama snickered while Naruto glowered at him and Coco nodded.
"Pretty Boy's got a point," she said while she tried to fix the mess that was Naruto's hair. Coco frowned in disapproval when she couldn't do anything. "Man, what did Goodwitch use to straighten your hair?"
"Probably a lot of gel." Coco mused while she rubbed her chin. "Something strong, I'm sure...If I had more time, he'd look slick."
"I say let the mane flow free." Yang huffed.
"Hm, point. It does give him a feral look," the fashionista said.
"I think it'd look better short." Blake confessed.
"I actually agree with that." Pyrrha nodded.
"Hey, don't touch the do!" Naruto slid back and away from Coco with his hands on his head. "The do is what makes this package work!"
"It could be shorter," Haku said thoughtfully.
Blake smirked haughtily at her frowning partner. "Told you so."
"Just because the trap agrees, doesn't mean it's right!"
His teammates looked at him and he shrugged. "What? It could."
"...So, ignoring my teammate's opinion–"
"Hurtful." Haku frowned.
"Deal with it," Naruto continued despite Haku's interjection. He dropped his hands into his pockets. "Anyway, since I've got, oh...ten minutes to kill, any words of advice – Not from you, Kurama."
"You try to help a guy and this is how he treats you."
"She dumped a salad on my head!"
"...So, she tossed her own salad?"
"It was a very lonely night." Coco snickered.
"That's just inappropriate," Pyrrha said with colored cheeks. Velvet nodded in agreement, her face just as red.
Coco smiled at Pyrrha. "Wait until you're older, Red."
"See what I deal with?" Naruto asked the smirking Coco while Kurama snickered at his own joke. Sasuke and Haku were stifling laughter and Velvet was bright red.
"I feel so bad for you." Coco replied with faux sympathy. She put her hand on Naruto's shoulder and turned him towards the door. "First bit of advice. Always arrive a tad bit early, it shows you're eager and excited."
Yang gave a sexy smile. "I wouldn't mind that."
Coco laughed while the others groaned.
"Right, anything else?"
"Try and make this as proper a date as you can, who knows when we'll get the Vale visitation rights back?" Coco asked. She, like Naruto's team, knew exactly how he was going to get out of Beacon and, considering the reason behind it, supported him completely. "Only use your tongue if she starts it, try not to fidget or play with your eating utensils, compliment her looks and most importantly..."
Coco turned Naruto around and stared him dead in the eye.
"Don't. Order. Ramen."
"Wow, shoot him in the jewels." Jaune told Coco.
"It's good advice from what we've seen this kid shovel down."
"...You can't be serious."
"Don't order it, Naruto. I mean it."
"B-But-!"
"No butts!" Coco cut him off sternly. "This girl really likes you Naruto, and I don't know what your previous girlfriends, if any, thought, but I'm fairly certain they weren't fans of watching you inhale gallons of ramen at dinner."
"That is disgusting." Weiss nodded smugly.
Yang shrugged. "Meh, I can just look away. Plus, his favorite food takes like three minutes to make and you can't ruin it."
A building away, a mint-haired girl suddenly sneezed into her partner's face. While the silver haired teen freaked out over the germs, a raven-haired woman laughed uproariously.
"Bitch."
"Jaune, enough of that." Pyrrha scolded.
"But he is!"
"Well, when you put it that way," Naruto said with a frown on his face. A begrudging sigh escaped his lips and his shoulders sagged in defeat. "I guess she's worth it."
"Oh my, his commitment is strong."
"Shut up Weiss." Yang said with a sourly at the white-haired girl's unneeded commentary.
"Good boy. Now, if you're not coming back please do let one of these idiots know," Coco said, gesturing with her thumb at Naruto's teammates.
"Hey!" Kurama and Sasuke protested whereas Haku took it with stride.
"Yeah, sure...All right, well, better go now while the window is still open." Naruto mused. He left the dorm room and the door shut behind him, leaving Coco and Velvet in the room with his team. Coco then turned to Kurama and crossed her arms over her chest.
"So, when are you going to take my little cupcake out and make her into an honest woman?"
"God, what is wrong with you?!" Velvet screamed.
"It's a good question."
"No! No it's not!"
"C-COCO!" Velvet shrieked while Kurama suddenly paled.
"So, this is romantic." Yang mused as she followed her boyfriend through the shadows around Beacon's garden towards the gate that would let them get to Vale. They'd already snuck across rooftops, with Naruto showing an interesting amount of acrobatics – something Yang filed away for later –
"Good eye." Coco thumbs upped Yang.
"Thank you."
"And this is getting weird. Do girls always talk about this stuff?" Jaune asked Pyrrha.
"Don't boys do that with girls?" the Invincible Girl returned.
"…I have no comment." Jaune said firmly. Ren laughed lightly and Fox nodded in approval.
"Smart move." Yatsuhashi praised the younger boy.
and talent with what he called 'ninja' rope – yet another thing Yang filed away for later.
"Hey, you've got a walk in the moonlight through Beacon's gardens, and then dinner at a cozy little joint that needed reservations. I'd say that's romantic," Naruto said with a glance over his shoulder. He looked ahead just as Yang's eyes dropped down to admire his backside.
"Well, you're right." Yang's smile grew slightly as she took in the way his jeans fit his rock hard rear. "The scenery is nice."
"The Naru-tush is strong with this one," Blake said, which made Yang beam.
Coco lowered her shades and whistled. "It really is a nice one. Lucky girl."
"Yeah, the flowers that Prof. O has here are well cared for." Naruto nodded, oblivious to her words' true meaning. "That's another thing I wouldn't mind doing the rest of my life."
"Gardening?"
"Yeah, I like to garden. Got a bit of a green thumb. Heard one day plants liked being talked to, and, well, life alone tends to be pretty quiet...at least that way I didn't seem insane."
"...We're sneaking out of one of Remnant's most esteemed academies for huntsmen and huntresses."
"I do my best to spoil y-Hold up, Atlesian patrol." Naruto mumbled and came to a stop. Two of the Atlesian soldiers assigned to guard the academy walked by, muttering about droids malfunctioning. Naruto held his hand up and counted down from three to zero before he hurried across the path to gathering of large bushes, which he promptly ducked down into. Yang rushed after him and crouched beside him.
"This is a great date, Whisker Boy," she whispered. "We're already eating bush together."
"Boo! Boo!" Weiss jeered, cupping her hands around her mouth as she did.
"Oh come on! That was golden!" Yang complained.
Blake made an iffy motion, "Could have been better."
"Everyone's a critic." Yang pouted with crossed arms.
"Wait until dessert. You'll love my salted nuts."
"See? Classic!"
"More like classless." Pyrrha admitted.
"Oh! Oh! Pyrrha burned you good!" Nora laughed at Yang.
Yang was stunned since it was the sweet tempered Pyrrha who'd done it.
Yang snickered and followed her smirking boyfriend to the main gate, where he promptly turned and cupped his hands in front of him.
"Ladies first," Naruto said with a grin. Yang sauntered up to him and put a foot in his hands while her hands pressed on his shoulders.
"My, aren't you the gentleman?" She asked with smile. A quick peck on the lips was given to her beau. "See you on the other side, Whisker Boy."
"Brace yourself." Naruto warned before he tossed Yang up. She landed on the other side of the fence and turned back to him.
"So, who's going to throw you?" Yang asked. Naruto leaned against the fence and winked at her before he nodded over at a nearby gathering of trees.
"Meet you over there in five minutes. Keep me waiting and I'm ditching your fine ass."
"Oh my ass is fine, huh?" Yang asked with a smirk.
"Four minutes, forty-three seconds."
"You think you're so smart."
"Bah, I'm not smart," Naruto said. He grinned widely and held up his right hand. "But I am clever.
"He sort of is." Jaune agreed.
Spotlights are going to light me up in three, two..."
On cue, a few large beams of light illuminated the two teens. A bullhorn sounded and multiple robotic foot soldiers rushed into lines, weapons aimed at the two.
"Halt! Put your hands above your head and identify yourself!"
"Busted!" Ruby winced.
"As they should be." The Schnee heiress snorted.
Yang smirked at Weiss. "You're just jealous that we get out and you're locked up at Beacon."
"That's beside the point, stupid."
"...I hate how you can do that." Yang mumbled.
"Three minutes, twenty-three seconds," Naruto said with a smirk plastered on his face. He stole a kiss from her before he glanced at the trees that he pointed out earlier. "Might want to get that fine ass moving."
"You are so lucky that you're cute."
"Three minutes, nine seconds."
Yang stuck her tongue out at Naruto before she turned tail and ran.
Naruto tilted his head slightly. "Hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave."
"Meh." Blake shrugged. Yang nearly snapped her neck when she turned at look at her partner.
"What was that?" The buxom blonde asked with narrowed eyes.
Blake grinned at her. "Meh."
"See if I ever scratch your ears ever again."
The cat Faunus paled a little at that.
"We will not warn you again! Put your hands above your head and identify yourself!"
"Ooh, getting official with me, this is serious." He lifted his hands up slowly. "I'm just passing through boys!"
"Turn around slowly and identify yourself!"
"I have a message for you, two words only."
"We will fire! Last warning! Turn around!"
"Smoke bomb!"
Weiss palmed her face.
"Ninja-tude." Blake whispered. She was nothing but smiles. The Schnee heiress looked about ready to tear her hair out at the word.
"...Did you just say-?" Naruto threw his hands down and two small balls hit the ground before it exploded. The blond was engulfed in a massive cloud of smoke and the drones began to open fire. The handler swore over the bullhorn. "Shit! Cease fire! Cease fire!"
Yang, from her spot beyond the gates, covered her mouth in shock. "Oh my god..."
"I know, right? They're going to have to file so much paperwork."
Yang turned and stared at Naruto, who was grinning madly as he watched the Atlesian soldiers try to rein in the drones. The whiskered teen looked at her and arched a brow.
"What?"
"How in the Hell did you get over here so fast?"
"I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm a ninja." Naruto grinned at her. "Fear my ninja-tude."
Blake pumped her fist in agreement.
"Huh, that is never going to get old, is it?" Velvet asked.
"Nope/Yes." The black and white themed girls said.
"...Ninja, huh? Gonna sneak us back in?"
"Nah, the Pervy Sage will. He offered to when he got us that opening."
"That's an opening?"
"Drones opening fire on an unknown and unarmed person while the security cameras are on the fritz? Yeah, that's an exploitable opening if I ever heard of one. Now..." Naruto stood up and offered Yang his arm. "Shall we hit the town?"
Yang smirked as she stood and looped her arm around his. "Of course, darling."
"Oh, not the sappy pet names, that's gag city." Nora blanched.
"...I think I like Whisker Boy better." Naruto mumbled as he led her out of the brush and towards the subdued nightlife of Vale.
"Would it be better if I call you Honey?" Yang asked playfully.
"Okay, even you aren't that sappy." Ruby told Yang.
"It's the fun of saying it though!"
"I call you that. We can't call each other the same nickname, we'd sound like idiots then." Naruto pointed out.
"Fair enough." Yang agreed. "How's cutie-patootie?"
"If you ever call me that in public, I will spank you." Naruto told her seriously. "You will not enjoy it and it will hurt."
"Huh, kinky." Yang smiled a little.
"It's like that scene in chapter 14…"
"What kinks doesn't it have?" Coco grinned at Blake.
The Cat Faunus flushed. "I'm just speaking out loud…which I will stop doing. Right now."
"O-kay, not that then." Yang pursed her lips and thought for a second before she snapped her fingers. "How's being my main squeeze sound?"
"Painful."
"Shmoopy-pie?"
"You made that up on the spot, cuddle-kins."
"Oh, god, do not call me that...poopie-loo."
"Did you just call me a toilet, baby-cakes?"
"Maybe I did, Whisker Boy, what are you going to do about it?"
"Well, I was going to take you to a crappy diner, but obviously you need some classes in proper date etiquette." Naruto sniffed haughtily.
"Oh really?" Yang smirked.
"You bet your sweet ass, Honey-Boobs."
"Ding-ding-ding! We got a winner!" Yang laughed. She smiled at the screen and rested her chin in her hand. "Oh, Bae...We were so meant to be."
"He. Is. Fictional."
"Let me dream, Weiss!"
"Honey-Boobs?" Yang laughed and gave her boyfriend a questioning look. Naruto nodded and grinned at her.
"While you have a nice derriere," Naruto said, taking a moment to lean his head back and openly admire the way her rear was framed by her pants. He returned his gaze to Yang's and gestured with a glance to her chest region, quick to return his blue eyes to her lilac. "Your Yang-ing rack is far superior to anyone else's. Thus, instead of Honey-buns, you are my Honey-Boobs."
"The council deems this fair and just." Yang nodded sternly.
"So who'd be the honey-buns?" Coco asked, thumbing to Velvet. "Our bunny mascot?"
"No, please!"
"Nah, that's Blake and the Bellabooty."
"Bella-what?"
"Yang," Blake hissed. "Shut it."
"Bu-But the Bellabooty should be shared with the world!"
While the repetitive conversation consisting of corny-slash-inappropriate nicknames and the explanation of them was occurring, on the side of the road a familiar mane of white hair popped up. The owner of the mane giggled to himself and scribbled down several of the names mentioned, including the reasoning and details behind them.
"Oh yeah, that 'a boy, Naruto. You woo her like a champ!" Jiraiya whispered to himself. He giggled and scratched more notes into his handy-dandy notebook. "Kushina would be so proud of you, taking charge in the way Minato never could. Ooh...I should use that. Now if only I knew her measurements...Oh, shit, I'm losing them!"
Jiraiya jumped up and sneakily stal-followed the blond couple, a grin on his face.
I hope he listened to my advice and takes her to-
"You are being stalked by a big pervert, what do you do ladies?" Ruby asked in a serious tone.
"Freeze him." Weiss said.
"Stab him." Blake added.
"Smash him!" Nora cheered
"Shoot him." Coco grinned.
"Um, ask him politely to leave?" Velvet pushed forward.
"Call the police?" Pyrrha suggested.
"I was going for slash him into pieces, but nice try ladies." Ruby smiled teasingly.
"Boo! That was a rigged question!" Yang jeered and threw a crumpled piece of paper at her sister.
"The 'Mysterious Tree'?" Yang asked. The building her boyfriend had led her to was on the oddly quiet corner of Monty Ave. It was homely with red and grey bricks, very welcoming to the wayward drunk. Yang turned to give Naruto a look. "You're taking me to a tavern?"
Weiss held her hand over her mouth, covering a giggle. Yang gave her the stink eye.
"It looks lovely," the Schnee heiress said around her amusement. "Truly, five stars."
"Shut up, silver spoon." Yang huffed. "It's unorthodox. I like it."
"The last person I want to see on a date with you is Junior, though the twins were kind of pretty, maybe we could include them sometime, apologize for the fight – Joke, I was joking." Naruto rolled his eyes when Yang gave him a pointed look. He flashed a winning smile. "They pale in comparison to you, Honey-Boobs."
"I'm not that open minded." Yang confessed. Ruby sighed in relief. The girl hung her head and had tears prickling the corners of her eyes when Yang added: "Yet."
"Nice save, Whisker Boy."
"I said I was clever, not smart." Naruto gave her a gentle nudge in her arm. "C'mon, it'll be fun. We already went clubbing together, saw movies, had lunch..."
"You just want to get me drunk," Yang said accusingly.
"...Well, I'd be lying if I said that wouldn't be an interesting outcome, if unintended." Naruto admitted.
"...Alright. But you're ordering the first drink." Yang looked at him and smirked. "If anyone's getting date raped tonight, Whisker Boy, it's going to be you."
"Ominous." Yatsuhashi said, giving Yang a look.
The blonde sputtered. "Hey! I wouldn't do that!"
"I don't know, you do go to a lot of clubs…"
"Ruby! That has nothing to do with it!"
"I can see it."
"Shut up, Blake!"
"...I don't know whether to be afraid or jealous of what may occur to my unconscious body." Naruto mused with pursed lips, which prompted his girlfriend to laugh and lead him into the tavern.
The feeling of being welcomed immediately engulfed the two teens and smiles quickly spread on their faces at the sheer amount of joy that filled the room. Naruto led Yang up to the bar and knocked on the wood. The bartender, a man about the age of Jiraiya, turned and met their eyes. He had a thin moustache and triangular beard that grew from his chin, the sort that would be seen on a criminal family head typical of Vacuo.
"...You're both a bit young t' be in here, aren't you?" He asked, his eyes narrowed and the pipe in his mouth shifted from one side to the next.
"She's seventeen. I'm seventeen. Legal drinking age in Vale is sixteen and up." Naruto said, subtly moving closer to Yang.
"Still another year Ruby." Yang smiled at her sister.
"I'm not going drinking with you."
"You will, and you will like it young lady!"
"You can't make me!"
"Wanna bet!?"
"Weiss, save me!"
"Both of you knock it off!" Weiss frowned at the squabbling siblings. "Honestly, if we're going to suffer with this nonsense, let's do so with some dignity."
"...What's that word mean?" Ruby asked.
"Being boring and having no fun." Yang huffed.
"Shut up, you!"
He felt rather than saw several eyes turn toward him and his ears twitched as he heard the familiar sound of leather being gripped under the joyous atmosphere. The whiskered blond kept his gaze locked with the bartender. "I was referred here, but if you won't serve us, we'll leave."
"Who referred you?"
"A perverted old toad."
"...This toad...He wouldn't be named, Jiraiya, would he?" The Bartender narrowed his eyes.
"Well, good to know that name gets you kicked out of places."
"Weiss, shush, we're watching." Pyrrha told her.
"Er...Yes?" Naruto answered uneasily. The Bartender stared at Naruto for another moment and slid his pipe to the other corner of his mouth. Then...he smiled.
"Well, any friend of Jiraiya's is welcome here!" The Bartender gestured to the left, over at a more diner-restaurant-like set up than the right, bar-like side of the tavern. "Right this way please."
"See Weiss? Perfectly fine!" Yang smirked as she rubbed it in.
"I still think he could have picked some place nicer." The heiress scrunched her nose.
As they followed the odd Bartender, Yang turned to her boyfriend and whispered, "Your godfather suggested this place?"
"I know right? I thought it was a club in the wrong side of Vale." Naruto mumbled as he looked over the various black and white photographs hung on the wall. "Look at that, Spruce Willis ate here after the first Rough End film...and Jack L. Samuels was here, too!"
"...You were going to take me to a Red Light bar?" Yang asked, unsure how to react to that.
"Upset, annoyed?" Yang suggested. A tavern was one thing, but a red light bar was out of the question.
"What? No! ...I was only going to swing by here and confirm whether or not the perv was just trying to perv on us," Naruto said under his breath.
"...I thought you told him-?"
"You're off limits." Naruto mumbled. He grimaced. "I am not."
"That is horrendous!" Weiss said, an appalled look on her face.
"Indeed, what kind of man would do that?" Pyrrha asked in disgust.
Blake snorted. "A super pervert?"
That silenced the two well-mannered girls.
"...Ew."
"Yeah, I know."
"Here you are," the Bartender said with a smile as he sat them at a table for two. Other couples or groups sat enjoying happy meals around them. Once the two had sat, he twirled his fingers and produced a match, lighting the candle set between them on the wall. He shook the match out and clasped his hands together. "A waiter will be over to take your orders shortly. Any drinks I can prepare?"
"I'll-" "She'll have Strawberry Sunrise, no ice, with a cute little umbrella, purple if you've got one," Naruto said, cutting Yang off and meeting her gaze with a small smile. "I'll take Fire Dust Ale...If you've got it."
"Pretty strong stuff, boy. Sure you can stomach it?" The bartender asked, a brow raised.
Naruto glanced at him and grinned. "Buddy, you're looking at a guy who's survived being inside three Grimm stomachs."
"That's not something to brag about." Jaune said with a deadpanned expression.
"Says you." Yatsuhashi rumbled.
"...That is a tale you'll have to tell me another time," the Bartender said under his breath. He bowed his head and backed away. "You'll have your drinks shortly."
Once the Bartender left, Yang fixed her boyfriend with a look. "...How did you-?"
"Your favorite drink, Yang. Wrote it down when you filled out that questionnaire for Goodwitch on psyche evals for the Vytal." Naruto cut her off again with a grin.
"Starting to seem stalker-ish, Whisker Boy," Yang said.
"Stranger danger, stranger danger!"
Yang pushed her annoying little sister to the side, shoving a pillow into her face. Ruby futilely slapped at her arm, all the while letting out muffled cries of the phrase.
"And I asked Ruby what your favorite drink was. You've told her plenty of times when you were bragging about your first drink and when you dream about hitting up Patch's beach in the summer," Naruto said. He sat back in his seat and looked at the butter knife. He picked the silverware up and smirked at her. "Like how you snuck Kurama some lien for information on what I enjoy to watch when I have to relieve some stress. For the record, it's not food related. Water-works are fun though."
"And I've heard far too much today." Ruby mumbled into the pillow.
"Hot or cold though?" Yang pondered while she released Ruby.
"Cold." Coco recommended.
"Should've known he'd say something, sly fox..." Yang mumbled with a huff. She narrowed her eyes at her smirking boyfriend and drummed her fingers on the table. "Well, if you'd open up-"
"I do open up, Yang. I just do it subtly." Naruto mumbled. He glanced out at the people around him. "Force of habit when you become a spymaster's apprentice."
"Oh, and he's a spy, of course." Weiss nodded condescendingly.
"Sexy super ninja spy? Score." Yang smirked.
"...Jiraiya's a huntsman."
"And there's Grimm outside the walls of Vale trying to get in," Naruto said, looking back at her pointedly. "Yang...I haven't lied to you or kept anything hidden. Anything that wasn't important anyway."
"I know, Naruto." Yang reached across and put her hand atop of his. "It wouldn't hurt to share a bit more of those little secrets, though."
"Spill the goods!" Nora agreed. "Secrets are so annoying!"
"Well, that's part of the fun, isn't it?"
"I suppose so."
Naruto cracked a small smile and Yang returned it as their hands gently clasped around one another.
"Ah, to be young and in love."
The two blondes were shaken from their moment at the sound of the elderly woman's voice. Looking at the speaker, they found a short woman at their side with a tray in hand consisting of a few drinks. The woman, wrinkled, but lively, had short, curly white hair and deep purple eyes. A smile was on her face as she looked at them.
"You two remind me of myself and my husband...before he became a lazy good for nothing drunk!" she shouted over her shoulder. A short man seated at the bar waved his hand at her lazily while the other patrons hooted and hollered at him.
"Aw, that's kind of sweet." Blake smiled.
"Being yelled at for being a drunk?" Ren asked.
"No, being together for that long."
The woman turned back to the startled blondes. "But don't you mind ol' Shima. Now, who ordered the Sunrise?"
"That's mine. Thank you." Yang smiled at the waitress nervously as she took the drink.
"Then the Fire Dust is yours, eh, Mi-n..."
"Naruto, thank you, Shima." Naruto introduced and thanked the kind woman as he took his drink and set it before him.
"Well mannered." Shima looked over at Yang and winked. "Keep a tight grip on this one, and watch his glass. Make sure he's not prone to over ordering!"
"And the arguing?" Ren smiled a little at Blake.
"Also sweet in its own charming way."
"Ohh, get back to work n' leave me alone!" the aforementioned patron complained while his fellow drunks laughed.
Shima huffed and walked away, but not before giving the two a smile. "If you need anything more, just let ol' Shima know."
"We'll do that." Naruto nodded. He waited until she walked away before he looked at Yang. "Thoughts on 'Ol' Shima'?"
"She's one rockin' granny." Yang smiled and took a sip of her Strawberry Sunrise, plucking the purple umbrella out and putting it to the side.
"Anyone who can act like that is good in my books." The buxom blonde grinned.
"You?"
"She seems...Familiar." Naruto mumbled, his brow knit together in confusion. He took a drink of his ale and shook his head. "Reminds me of my mom, or, well, what I've heard about her. Damn! That's got more of a kick than usual. It's been a while since I had real Fire Dust Ale."
"...Tell me about them."
Naruto gave Yang a perplexed look. "Who?"
"Your parents."
"My parents?"
"No, my parents." Yang rolled her eyes.
"Our family history is weird." Ruby muttered as she knitted her brow.
"Tell me about it, sis."
"Yeah," Yang smiled. She set her drink down and rested her cheek on one hand, the elbow propping her up. "Consider it the first little secret you're telling me."
"It's not a secret, but fair enough...My parents are legends," Naruto said proudly. "While everyone on Remnant feared the wrath of the Thunder God and his bride, the Bloody Death, Vacuo hails the Yellow Flash and the Red Hot-Blooded Habanero as the greatest of their generation."
"Wait, your parents were called the Yellow Flash and the Red Hot-Blooded Habanero?" Yang asked with a smirk. "No wonder your favorite color is orange."
"So, we can blend colors together for pairings?" Blake mused, a gleam in her eye.
"Oh, no you don't." Weiss warned.
"Why? It's a cute little idea."
"Stop plotting, you romantic."
"You are, too."
"…That is beside the point." Weiss hedged.
"Damn straight. People back home call me the Orange Titan."
"Yeah, right."
"They do! ...Well, that or Orange Demon, but I like Orange Titan better."
"I'll bet." Yang pursed her lips thoughtfully. She let out a small laugh. "How does someone get the name Red Hot-Blooded Habanero?"
"Well," Naruto said with a small smile. "To be fair, kids are terrible at giving out nicknames."
"They really do." Pyrrha said as she pet her hair.
"No!"
"Yep." Naruto chuckled. "Mom got her name back when she was young. Heck, according to Pervy Sage, she got it the day after she joined my dad's class. Jiraiya said she had a wicked temper like you'd never seen..."
"And her hair reminded the kids of a habanero. Or it reminded them of a tomato. It depended on who you asked, really."
"Hey, Tomato-Head, how's it-? Oof!" A brown-haired boy with squinted eyes doubled over a fist that imbedded itself in his stomach. He was pushed to the ground and let out a wheeze when the weight of his attacker landed on his back.
"Say it again!" The little redheaded girl, no older than ten, growled at her victim.
"I wonder if Pyrrha was like that? Redheads are crazy after all."
"Nora!" Pyrrha flushed in protest.
"What? We want to see little you! And how crazy you were."
The warrior girl frowned, "I was very well mannered, thank you."
"Ten Lien says she was a troublemaker." Coco begged to differ.
"Deal!" Jaune agreed.
Pyrrha turned a brighter shade of red. "Jaune!"
Her hands clutched his hair and pulled, ripping a few strands from the scalp, but not all would go easily. The boy cried out in pain and she pushed his face into the dirt. "C'mon, Burori! I can't hear you! What'd you say about my head?!"
"G-Get off of me you freak!"
"Who're you callin' a freak you-you...you freak!?"
"Kids are terrible at insults." Coco snickered. She smiled at the screen. "Though his mom is so cute and tiny."
"I just want to hug her." Pyrrha admitted with a fond little smile.
"Geez, looks like Burori made the Habanero's blood boil. Idiot." Another boy said to the blond that stood beside him. The blond watched the redheaded girl turn towards his friend and his blue eyes went wide with terror.
"Then that has to be Minato!" Yang pointed out with a bright grin.
"He is precious." Weiss admitted to the little cutie.
"Aw, I want to hug him." Ruby said with a smile.
"Well, I can see what Yang and Naruto's kids might look like. And act like, from Kushina at least." Blake said.
"...I've won at life!" Yang pumped her fist.
"…Can I get one?" Nora pointed to Minato.
"No." Ren told her.
"Drat!"
Wisely, he took a step to the side, away from his friend that had earned the class new ill-tempered girl's ire.
"What'd you say, Tomo? You want some too!?" The girl launched herself at the boy, Tomo, who could do no more than squeak before she tackled him to the dirt. Seated on his stomach, the redheaded girl quickly wrapped an arm around his head and began to grind her other hand's knuckles along his scalp. "Speak up, speak up! I can't laugh at your jokes if you don't tell me them!"
"Gah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Teacher! Help! Kushina's lost it again!"
The blond boy watched from the sidelines. He wanted to help, really he did, but his two friends had started it. Honestly, he didn't see what was so bad about her hair.
He liked the color red.
"Kid's got good taste." Coco chuckled.
"...I might've taken some liberties with that particular story, but from what the Pervy Sage said, my dad might've...possibly-stalked-my-mom-cuz-he-liked-her-hair..." Naruto muttered out sheepishly.
"No way! Oh, that's so-so...cute!" Yang laughed. "He had a little crush on her!"
"It was love at first punch!" Nora swooned.
"So romantic..." Yang sighed.
"That is not romantic!" Weiss shouted at the two.
"That's what Pervy Sage believes, but he's not the most trustworthy of sources." Naruto mumbled. There was an affronted cry from the bar followed by a hard whack that was ignored by the couple.
Weiss let out a soft cackle.
"Weiss, you inner sadist is out."
"Oh not agai-Hey!" Weiss glared at Ruby for her remark. "I am not a sadist!"
Naruto took another drink of his ale and chuckled. "He tends to romanticize their relationship. Claims it was his instruction that made my dad step up and take her as his wife. ...That and something about grabbing him in public...I don't remember really. He always used to cut himself off and shiver."
"We can only imagine what happened." Jaune said with a dark and worried look.
"Sounds like an interesting woman." Yang mused.
"She sure does..." Naruto muttered. He tapped his thumb on the side of his glass and looked around. "Where's the waiter-?"
"May I take your order?" Two near-identical teens, one with orange hair and the other with blue, asked, standing at the side of their table.
"...That's what I call service." Naruto mumbled.
One waiter, the orange haired boy, looked at the blue haired one. "Kichi! Pa ask you to take their order too?"
"Tatsu, your shift ended three hours ago!" The blue haired boy, Kichi growled.
"...Oh yeah...Why am I here, then?" Tatsu asked.
"A good question," Kichi grabbed Tatsu by the collar and back of his pants. He carried the orange-haired waiter towards the kitchen doors, promptly throwing Tatsu through with a yell. "Why don't you go find an answer in the kitchen!?"
"And take out the trash while you're at it!" Nora shook her fist.
"I love sketches like that." Velvet giggled up a storm.
There was a crash and a cat yowl. Kichi dusted his hands off and turned back towards Naruto and Yang, a smile on his face. He opened his mouth to speak when Tatsu's voice called out from the kitchen.
"Hey Kichi! I 'membered why I stayed! I landed in the snacks!"
"…Lucky!" Ruby whined with a pout.
"...That's great, Tatsu! ...Hope you choke on it you dumbass..." Kichi grumbled. He quickly put a smile back on his face and looked at the amused couple. "So, what can I get you?"
"Well...any recommendations?" Yang asked, trying not to laugh at the obviously annoyed waiter.
"We have a lovely smoked steak, roasted duck, and a magnificent, world famous chef special: Ichiraku Ramen."
"That is just sinfully cruel." Weiss pointed out and then smiled. "I love it."
Naruto choked on his drink and clapped a hand over his mouth. A fist pounded on his chest and he cleared his throat. "I-Ichiraku? Vacoan chef, Ichiraku?"
"Yes! Well, not the Ichiraku. He refused to leave his home so instead, we got his daughter."
Naruto immediately paled. "D-Daughter?"
"Daughter?" Yang asked, her smile quickly falling.
"Yes, she's just as good a cook as her father and knows how to make it just right." Kichi nodded. He sighed dreamily. "Real beautiful gal, homely...gorgeous brown eyes, silky brown hair that reaches-"
"Down to her waist?"
Yang snapped her eyes over to Naruto.
"He didn't!" Yang growled, her eyes flickering red.
"Even I'm not that stupid." Jaune muttered.
The whiskered blond was trembling, his hand shaking the glass in his hand as he lifted it up to his mouth.
"You've seen her too? Mighty fine, isn't she?" Kichi sighed. "She swore herself to one man with a scarred face. Whoever this lucky bastard is...I envy him."
"Really?" Yang asked while she tapped a finger on the table and gave her boyfriend a look. "One man. Tell me, uh, Kichi. Did this...daughter of Ichiraku ever work as a waitress for her father?"
"...I think she mentioned something about waitressing once..." Kichi mumbled.
"Ayame..." Naruto mumbled.
"Ayame, huh?" Yang repeated, her eyes closed and a brow twitching. "Does she like footlongs?"
"Wow, you are easy to anger." Coco told Yang.
"Have you not seen me burn?" the blonde asked her upper classman.
"I wish you came with a dimmer."
Yang paused and looked at Blake. "That was a good one. Bravo."
"I have my moments."
"What?"
"She's my sister, Yang!" Naruto blurted out. Eyes, from all over the Mystical Tree, turned to him. "The, uh, the guy she's devoted to is an old friend. His name's Iruka."
"Yeah, lucky scar-faced bastard," Kichi said sourly. He hung his head and people returned to their meals before he perked up again. "So, what'll it be?"
"I'll have the ra-steak." Naruto ordered, changing his order quickly.
"I'd like a bowl of ramen, miso please." Yang smiled beautifully at the waiter. Kichi flushed, wrote down the order, and then scurried off to the back while Naruto gaped at her.
"Such betrayal! I love it!"
"Weiss, your dramatic side is showing."
"Silence, Ruby! I'm enjoying watching him squirm."
"...Wh-wha?"
"A sister, huh?" Yang mused. She stirred her drink with the previously set aside purple umbrella. "I thought you were an orphan."
"We're not blood related, Yang," Naruto said lowly. He looked out over at the patrons of the bar and restaurant, who'd long since gone back to their own conversations, before he looked back at her. "Look, when I was young and out of the orphanage-"
"What?"
"When I was five I was given my own apartment, all right, it was complicated. Some kind of politics – that's not the point." Naruto shook his head and hands.
"That 'politically' makes little sense." Weiss frowned at such a gross notion. "Who'd let a five-year-old raise themselves? It's asinine."
"When I was little and on my own, I had a stipend from Kon's government, and it wasn't a lot. Meals weren't easy to come by and ramen was cheap. So, a very kind father and his daughter would let me eat there for, one-two percent off, tops. It was the best deal ever."
"And...?"
"Ayame was like the older sister I never had...besides Coco...Well, Ayame was more like the 'helpful' older sister and Coco's like how...uh..." Naruto trailed off.
"Go on." Coco ushered at the screen.
He was about to say 'like how you are to Ruby' before his brain's filter miraculously kicked in. It chooses the ficklest of moments to kick in.
"Coco's like...?" Yang fished again, giving her boyfriend a suspicious look.
"Coco. You know, she's Coco. Coco's one of a kind." Naruto continued hastily.
"Well, yes, but I don't see what the problem is with me being like Yang to lil Ruby."
"You have no idea." Weiss and Blake said dryly. Ruby just sighed and her head hung.
He took a breath and put a hand on the table. "What I'm trying to say is, Ayame's, to my knowledge anyway, not the ramen waitress without a, uh, gag reflex."
"…Smooth." Yatsuhashi commented lowly.
"Oh, really?" Yang asked, her eyes narrowed. "Then why were you so nervous when she was brought up?"
"Well...I might've...sort of...skipped out on saying goodbye when I left Kon? Heh-heh..." Naruto sheepishly admitted while scratching his right cheek with one finger.
"I'd be scared too if I were him." Jaune agreed. "If I did that to my sisters? I'd be dead."
"...Really?"
"Yeah, and...No offense, Yang, but...Women in my life tend to be more frightening when they're angry at me." Naruto muttered. He took another drink of his ale and, once he set the glass down, pursed his lips. "According to Jiraiya, I get that from my father..."
"...Your dad sounds like a smart guy," Yang said smugly. She leaned back in her seat and traced the rim of her drink with one finger. "...So, no ramen tonight?"
"...N-no. I-I'm not in the mood." Naruto lied through his teeth. "W-was getting...s-s-s-s-sick of it."
"You are so going to torture him, aren't you?" Blake asked as she smirked at Yang. The blonde winked at her.
"You know it, Blake-y."
"Hmm, that's a shame..." Yang dipped her finger into her drink and then lifted it up to her mouth. "And here I was hoping you'd show me how to really, really enjoy ramen."
Naruto's brain went numb as Yang started to suck the Strawberry Sunrise off of her finger gently. She slowly pulled her index finger out of her mouth until there was a light pop.
"Ew, Yang! That's gross."
"It's called seduction Ruby, it's a talent." Yang bragged.
"I mean, you know the best way to eat it..." Yang breathed as her finger slowly, but subtly, went down to her cleavage. Lilac eyes were locked on cerulean blue, which in turn were locked on that damnable thin finger. Yang smirked slightly and her finger drifted away to the chopsticks that were set beside the rolled up silverware.
"How to use the utensils..." Yang broke the chopsticks apart in a way that should've been impossible: sensually. "Properly."
"…You watch way too much porn if you can do that like that." Blake said dryly.
"I watch your stash."
Blake paled, how did she find it?!
Well, they did say the quickest way to a man's heart was through his stomach, and luckily for Yang, Naruto had taken enough Fire Dust Ale (notably sixty-three percent alcohol per volume) into his system for his mental walls to be shattered.
"…No." Ruby said with a horrified look.
"Yep."
"I need a barf bag, don't I?"
It also helped that a certain overseer/chronicler/pervert had possibly – possibly – tossed in a milliliter of the Mysterious Tree's special 400 Toad Proof brew.
Healing factor or not, Naruto was buzzed.
And Yang was unknowingly capitalizing on it.
"Yang-ing." Yang pumped her fist.
"...Yang..."
"Yes, Naruto?" Yang asked.
"...We need to go." Naruto grabbed Yang's hand and pulled her with him out of the tavern. "Now."
Yang had a grin on her face as she was pulled along by her boyfriend to the nearest, nicest hotel. Being reminded that there were at least two girls out there that had managed to see her boyfriend's tool – and do more in some cases – lit up her jealousy and a fire of desire ignited like no other had before.
"Bet it really revved that engine." Coco said.
"Oh, it does, and it needs to be takin for a ride." Yang purred.
"Where is that bag?!" Ruby panicked, scrambling around the room.
A promise she made that night to herself and, while a suggestion at first it had now become thus, to her team flew to the forefront to her mind. Yang no longer wanted dinner.
Oh, she was hungry, don't doubt it.
But she wanted to have dessert first.
"How unbecoming, at least eat something first." Weiss frowned.
"For the stamina?" Coco asked.
"…Yes." Weiss flushed at her slip.
"...Wow, right into the Stallion Inn without even dinner. She must want it as bad as he does." Jiraiya mused. He grinned, dropped some lien on the counter and started to rise up from his seat when a metal ladle slammed down on his head.
"Yeah, smack him again!" Weiss cheered.
"Kick his ass, you awesome granny!" Yang cheered. The blonde bombshell didn't want her first time to be recorded in immortality. She had to make sure she was good, then she'd welcome it.
The white haired Huntsman yelped and collapsed back into his bar stool.
"You won't be spyin' on them, Jiraiya-Boy! Damned what your rank is, my word is law, and my word says you will leave them young'uns to be young'uns like you were long ago." Shima warned Jiraiya, shaking the Ladle-Of-Doom at him menacingly.
"Ah, but Ma-!" Jiraiya protested.
"No Yang-ing smut for you!" Yang nodded sternly with crossed arms. "Maybe later, but not now."
"No buts, Jiraiya-Boy. Ma's right." The husband of Shima croaked from his seat. The elderly man had grey hair that covered the sides and back of his head, with age leaving his scalp smooth and hairless. He straightened his back and cracked his neck before he turned and locked two golden eyes on the cowering Jiraiya. "You will leave Minato-boy and Kushina's son alone."
"B-But...But...Think of my work, Pa!"
"I am! And the last thing you need is to capture or witness the first time between two young souls deep in love." The old man scolded. He dropped from his barstool and looked at the Bartender. "Bunta! Close up. The rest of ya, go home. Sleep. We need to get preparations in order."
"As you wish, Father Fukasaku," the bartender, Bunta, said with a bow. He turned and pushed open the door. "Kichi! Tatsu! Clean up and prepare for initiation!"
"Okay Pops!" "Kay, Dad!"
"Ungrateful little...Stop calling me Pops, Kichi!"
"So, Yang isn't a virgin anymore probably. And will undoubtedly be unbearable for it." Weiss said dryly.
"Weiss, you are absolutely right." Yang agreed with a broad smile.
"I just hope we don't see anything." Ruby groaned.
Coco shrugged and took some popcorn, "Free show is a free show, kiddo."
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