Chapter 26: Unforgotten

I'm far more exhausted than I had realized until I get to the crew quarters. My journal can wait until I've gotten some sleep, I think. Then I can figure out what's going on here.

I wake to the ship rocking. The door to my quarters whooshes open to admit a man that I think I recognize. Yes, his name is Trask Ulgo.

"The Endar Spire is under attack!" Trask says. "The Sith have boarded the ship! We've got to find Bastila!"

I open my footlocker and quickly put on my armor, and pull out my green lightsaber. "Let's go."

"I'm glad to have a Jedi like you with me," Trask says. "Even if it kind of creeps me out that you were once a Sith."

"I made a different choice," I reply.

I wake, and rub my eyes in confusion. Well, that was a strange dream. It almost seemed like it was just happening than really being a dream. For a moment, I'm even confused about what ship I'm waking up on.

Maybe my journal will explain things better. I pull it out from where I put it last night, and sit staring at it for several moments. It seems to be locked with numerous safeguards. I'm obviously a very paranoid person. But considering that I'm apparently using this to effectively store my memories, I suppose it's understandable.

It reports a successful DNA match, and then requests a passcode. I select the option for "Forget your passcode?"

The datapad begins a series of questions, apparently to verify my identity, although I'm not sure how it's supposed to do that, judging by the content of the questions. It seems more like a personality than anything else, asking what I would do in specific situations. I wind up answering obtusely, refusing to adhere to strick either/or situations, and yet that appears to be what I was expecting. The journal acknowledges me as its proper owner, and unlocks itself for me.

Canderous appears in the doorway just as I'm starting to read. "Mandalore, we've arrived on Manaan."

"I still have no idea what's going on," I say. "Is this a safe place?"

"As safe as can be expected," Canderous says. "It's a neutral world, and the local inhabitants won't tolerate any feuds to be brought here. And since they control the supply of healing kolto for both the Republic and the Sith, there's a tenuous peace at the moment."

I nod. "Well, in that case, everyone can do what they want for now. Gather information, relax, restock supplies, whatever. I need to catch up on my journal here."

"Yes, Mandalore," Canderous says, and heads out to leave me to that.

I start off with the Endar Spire again, and then frown as I read over the events there. That dream I just had was startlingly similar, and yet radically different from anything that I remember actually happening there. What gives?

Maybe it'll be explained later. I shake my head and go to grab breakfast, and settle in to read through it all from front to back.

Things become more clear as I read through it. But then I come across one entry that's prefaced with a warning to myself. "If you're reading this, you have obviously forgotten the contents of this entry. This may not be such a bad thing. I know what's in this entry, and I kind of wish I didn't at this point. If you read this entry, it may haunt your thoughts for the rest of your existence, provided you don't forget it again. Even if you don't, it might still bubble up on its own. Just reading this was enough to cause me to almost pass out once and suffer a recurring mental breakdowns. Still, it's your choice whether or not you wish to proceed. I considered deleting it, but ultimately decided to leave it in in case I chose to remember this. It's up to you."

I frown. All things considered, I'm not sure that I really want to open this can of worms. I'm having enough problems with my mind without having mental breakdowns because of something I wished I could forget. Maybe there's some blessing into forgetting everything again.

I close the entry without reading any further, and notice another message pop up as I do. "Decided not to read it, huh? I don't blame you. In case you're wondering, here's the pertinent information that you would have discovered if you had. You did not choose to betray the Republic. You don't need to know the details."

I didn't? Well, that's kind of a relief, really. The Republic seem like good people, more or less, if a little misguided at times. It's hard to believe that I would voluntarily try to destroy everything I had once worked to protect. But I won't dwell on it any further lest I inadvertently bring up memories that I had wished to forget.

It takes me several hours to read through the entire journal. I was quite detailed to make sure that I could bring up memories of the events again. And, as I'd hoped, reading the entries still brings to mind the memories they describe. But the disturbing part is that it takes me half a day to read through a few weeks worth of time. I have to sigh at that. I really need to find a better way to do this.

And then it hits me. We left Bastila behind. Bastila is being held prisoner by Malak. The woman I love is being held prisoner. Damn everything! And it's really my fault, for apparently failing so many times that I lost all my memories and forgot even what I was trying to do. Fuck.

I try to relax. She told us her plan. She knew what she was getting into. She told us to leave without her. But that does nothing to assuage my guilt. The woman I love is in danger, possibly being tortured or forced to do terrible things. And I could have stopped it... but utterly failed to do so. I don't even remember what happened or how many times I must have tried and failed to get everyone off the Sith interdictor ship safely.

I rub my eyes. Beating myself up for it won't help. Bastila was trying to help me, and I was in a pretty helpless situation. I should trust her. She knew what she was doing. And I will go and save her from whatever terrible fate Malak has planned for her. And I will kill him.

I take the time to write a new entry into my journal detailing just what I can remember happening, before locking it up again. My armor and lightsabers were placed in a nearby footlocker, so I go to grab them and put them on. Hmm, now that I'm off Korriban, I should probably do something about my appearance. I don't want to look too much like a Dark Jedi out here. Well, we've got some spare clothes that got picked up somewhere along the way just in case they'd be useful. I toss a light gray robe over my armor, open in the front, and call it good enough for now.

I head out of the crew quarters. I run into Canderous just outside the doorway. "You stayed behind to guard the ship?" I ask.

Canderous shakes his head. "I stayed behind to guard you. I'm not about to let anyone kill you while you're unable to defend yourself."

I smile at him. "Thanks, Canderous."

"It's the least I can do, Mandalore," Canderous says. "How are you doing?"

"Better," I reply. "Still a little disoriented, but better." I sigh. "I'm glad you guys were there for me. I hate to think of what might have happened had Malak gotten a hold of me in that state."

"I thought that Malak had gotten a hold of you and wiped your memory," Canderous says, frowning.

I shake my head. "If only that were the case. No, my mental problems are entirely my own. That's why I've been keeping this journal. At any time, I could wake up, having forgotten something. I've been having to look through the journal every morning to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. Usually, it's just a few days at a time that slip through my grasp. But due to the circumstances... I lost everything at once."

"That's terrible," Canderous says. "I didn't realize it was quite so bad, or so pervasive. Do you have any idea why it's happening?"

"I do," I reply. "I have an idea, but I'm not certain on the details, and I've been trying to figure out a way around it. It's complicated. Basically, the Force is trying to keep me alive, but it damages my mind in the process. The harder it has to work at it, the more damage is caused. So really, the reason I lost my memories back on the Sith vessel was because I almost certainly would have been killed."

"But you didn't actually fight Malak," Canderous says.

"But I would have," I reply. "And it would have ended in disaster for one reason or another. Most likely because he's a bastard and would have done anything to tip the odds in his favor."

"I don't think I understand," Canderous says. "I'm no Jedi. I don't know anything about how the Force works."

I chuckle softly. "Don't worry. Even a Jedi would have trouble figuring out my power. It's kind of... unique. I've been... hesitant to tell anyone what I've realized about it. Mostly because I don't know what to think of it myself. But if I can't trust you, who can I trust?"

"You don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to, Mandalore."

I shake my head. "I do. Keeping it to myself will drive me crazy, anyway." I take a deep breath. "You see, if at any point I would die, the Force effectively sends me back in time to when I last slept. I lose some memories in the process, but I have a chance to make another choice for a different outcome."

Canderous frowns. "Time travel?"

I nod. "And I can't control it, either. I literally cannot stay dead." I chuckle softly. "I've actually been dying at least once or twice a day since I met you, for various reasons."

"So you don't really have 'premonitions' so much as remembering what you just experienced," Canderous says.

"Exactly," I say. "The journal was only supposed to be a bandage to held stop up my rapidly hemorrhaging mind. I need to find a more permanent solution. Admittedly, most people would consider 'not getting killed' to be a viable solution. But it's going to happen anyway, and so long as I have this ability, I may as well use it to my advantage."

I wonder if it might be possible to replace my journal with some sort of neural implant, that could scan my mind for damage and repair it from its own memory. Does the technology for such a thing even exist? If it doesn't, I might just have to invent it myself.

"So, what's it like? Dying?" Canderous says.

I smirk. "Painful. Also, never cut off your own head with a lightsaber. That's more disconcerting than usual."

Canderous snickers softly. "I'll keep that in mind."

"So, does it bother you to know that I'm not some god-like being that even death fears, but instead I'm some god-like being that just can't stay dead?" I say with a smirk.

Canderous laughs. "Not particularly, although it might explain a few things. Besides, you're still the most incredible badass ever to live, you know that, right?"

I laugh as well. "Why don't we go get some lunch?"

HK and T3 can do a good enough job of guarding the ship. I'm surprised that Neeja isn't on board at the moment. Did someone finally manage to convince her to come out for a bit?

On our way out, we run across a Selkath who waves at us to get our attention. "Excuse me," he says. "I'm looking to procure exotic animals for a wildlife exhibit. I'm authorized to pay in credits for suitable specimens."

"A wildlife exhibit?" I say. "Heh, you might just put up a sign instead. Standing around in the docking area is most likely to get you only the attention of people whose ships are infested by gizka. But you're in luck. I happen to have a breeding pair of tachs aboard my ship. I'm sure your exhibit would be a better place for them than being hauled around the galaxy. How much will you give me for them?"

"Tachs?" the Selkath says. "Those would be quite difficult to obtain, given the destruction on Taris and the revolution on Kashyyyk. I'll need to speak with my superiors to authorize a large transation, but I'm willing to pay quite a bit for them. I'll drop you a message with details later."

"Very well," I say.

Canderous and I head to the local cantina to pick up some lunch. Mission and Griff are there as well, relieving some patrons of their money at Pazaak as Zaalbar watches over them. It's nice to see that they're getting along better than they were when they were first reunited.

"So," I say to Canderous as we eat. "Suppose we'll have to poke around a bit and see about gathering some information."

"Sounds good to me," Canderous says lightly. "Particularly considering that your 'gathering information' frequently involves shooting at people."

"Information is often best found on corpses," I reply with a smirk.

It's hard to believe that there's a Star Map on this water-covered world. If anywhere, it's likely to be at the bottom of the ocean. And it would be difficult to get down there without the blessing of the native Selkath. I'd best stay on their good side.

I overhear a Republic officer attempting to hire a group of mercenaries in the cantina, and I approach curiously. It's not like the Republic to be quite so eager to hire mercenaries from cantinas. What's going on here?

"The Republic is hiring mercenaries?" I ask the officer.

"Indeed," he replies. "Are you interested in signing up?"

"What's the job?" I ask. "And how much are you paying?" I'm rarely one to turn down an opportunity to kill people for credits.

"I'm afraid I'm not authorized to give specifics at this time," the officer says.

"I don't like not knowing what I'm signing up for," I reply.

"In my experience," Canderous interjects. "People who aren't willing to say what the job is are doing something suspect. What is the Republic hiding?"

The officer shifts uneasily. "You'll be told what the job is when you sign on. We're willing to hire Mandalorians. What more do you want?"

"I don't know, Canderous," I say offhandedly. "Maybe the Sith would offer more money."

"Undoubtedly," Canderous says lightly.

The officer sighs. "Look, we can't compete with Sith rates. But fine, suit yourselves. If you change your minds, stop by the Republic embassy or speak with one of our recruiting officers." The officer walks away.

"I think this warrants some investigation," I say quietly aside to Canderous. "What is the Republic doing here?"

"Yeah," Canderous agrees. "This seems awfully suspicious."

We head out of the cantina, and almost run head first into a group of Republic and Sith soldiers arguing with one another on the streets. They're trading some fairly childish insults, and as we approach, they turn their attention to us.

"You there," says a Republic soldier. "Who do you support? The Republic or the Sith?"

"Neither," I reply. "We're Mandalorians."

"But, you have lightsabers on your belt. Aren't you a Jedi?"

"He's a Mandalorian Jedi," Canderous puts in. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"I didn't realize Mandalorians could be Jedi," the Republic soldier says.

"Most species have a chance of being born with a connection to the Force," I say. "And most Mandalorians are members of species that are capable of using the Force."

"I see. I guess I never really thought about it," he says. "So you really don't have an opinion on the Republic and the Sith?"

"Oh, I have plenty of opinions," I say. "But none that you'd really care to hear."

I move on, not caring to continue this conversation at the moment. I'd just wind up pissing off both sides if I said what I really think about them.

"I'd much rather be a Mandalorian than be involved with either of those fools," I mutter aside to Canderous.

"Heh, yeah," Canderous agrees.

Heading along the streets, I spot Juhani and Neeja heading into a store. Neeja still looks nervous at being out in the open, but it looks like Juhani convinced her to go shopping. I'm glad to see that.

As we head across Ahto City, we run across Jolee Bindo. "Ah, there are you, Lexen. You feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I reply. "What's up, Jolee?"

"I ran across an old friend of mine here on Manaan," Jolee says. "He's in jail and being accused of murdering a Sith woman."

"Ah, I see," I say. "You need help getting him off?"

"Sunry isn't a murderer!" Jolee insists.

"Killing one Sith is murder, but killing dozens is all in a day's work?" I say with a smirk. "It's all a matter of perspective. I honestly don't care if your friend actually did the deed or not. But since he's your friend, I'll help."

"Well, I'm sure he must be innocent," Jolee says. "You going all Dark Side on me again?"

"What do you mean 'going'?" I say, raising an eyebrow. "I've never rejected the Dark Side, so far as I know. I just decided to embrace the light as well this time."

"Right, whatever you say, kid," Jolee says. "Don't mind me. I'm just along for the ride."

I snicker softly. "Anyway, let's get the details on this case. Who's Sunry's legal representative?"

"No one, at the moment," Jolee says. "I was hoping you might be willing to step in for it, if you're up to it."

"Me?" I say. "Why me?"

"Because you could sell sand to a Jawa," Jolee says with a smirk.

"Ah," I say, laughing softly. "Well, there is that. Alright, I'll do it."

We head over to the court to get myself entered as Sunry's advocate. From there, the three of us go to the jail to have a talk with Sunry himself. The extremely threatening old man in a force cage. Before speaking with him, I do a quick check and see that we won't be overheard.

"Jolee Bindo?" Sunry says. "Is that really you?"

"Sunry!" Jolee says. "You getting yourself into trouble without me, I see?"

"You don't know the half of it," Sunry says. "They've accused me of murder!"

"I've heard," Jolee says. "My friend here has agreed to be your lawyer for this case."

"Lexen Skywalker, attorney at law, at least for the moment," I say, giving him a suave bow. "A pleasure to meet you. And I must say, good job on killing that Sith bitch. I'll be sure to get you off the hook, no strings attached."

"But... I didn't..." Sunry stammers.

Through the Force, I can sense his nervousness, his increased heart rate. I can sense his intent of deception. "There's no need to lie to me, Sunry. I'm on your side here. And honestly, I've probably killed more people, anyway."

"What kind of a person did you bring me as a lawyer, Jolee?" Sunry wonders.

"A complete monster, on occasion, but he means well, for the most part," Jolee replies.

"Now, Sunry," I say. "I'm defending you here, so I want you to tell me what exactly happened, from your perspective. And don't bother wasting my time by lying about it, either. I'm a Jedi, I can tell when people are lying. It doesn't matter to me one bit what you did or why. I'm going to get you out of here either way."

Sunry sighs, and glances about for a moment before lowering his voice, just in case. "Fine, look, it's not like I didn't have a good reason for it. She was an assassin, and was going to kill me."

"Perfectly justifiable," I say. "Although I'm not sure the Selkath would see it that way. Still, it's generally a better policy to shoot first, rather than shooting second."

Jolee is quiet, and Sunry proceeds to explain in detail exactly what happened the night of the killing. I'm pretty sure that I can get him off, one way or another, even if I need to find a loophole or technicality to exploit.

We head out of the jail again. Jolee says quietly, "I just can't believe he'd do such a thing."

I snort softly. "Yeah, I can't believe someone would cheat on their wife with a Sith spy."

"Well, yeah, there's that too," Jolee says.

So, I head over to the hotel where the Sith woman was killed to talk to the witnesses. I doubt that anyone actually saw anything substantial, or there wouldn't be any doubt as to whether or not he killed the woman.

After questioning them, I determine that not only did no one actually see anything, but apparently a Rodian by the name of Gluupor planted Sunry's Republic medal on the body. So the Sith were trying to frame him for the murder that he actually committed? Oh, this is rich. I convince him to testify as such before the court, and make sure the other witnesses have enough doubt and confusion in their minds to make their testimony ineffectual.

"I don't know if this is the right thing to be doing," Jolee says quietly. "But if Sunry's convicted, it'll cause huge problems for the Republic and their kolto supply."

"He didn't murder anyone, Jolee," I reply. "Killing someone who intends to kill you isn't murder."

"Why did the Sith bother having that medal planted?" Jolee wonders. "Did they expect that Sunry would try to kill her?"

"It's not exactly unheard of for the Sith to sacrifice their own people for perceived gain," I reply. "Sunry dies, they still win. Sunry gets convicted of murder, double-win. Now, if they leaked to Sunry that she was going to try to kill him, but didn't bother telling her that she was supposedly trying to kill him... yeah, I wouldn't put that kind of ploy against the Sith at all."

"You really think this was all a big conspiracy?" Jolee says. "Although I do see your point."

I chuckle. "It's all a matter of connecting the dots. And the dots make a big freaking arrow pointed directly at the Sith."

I return to the courthouse and see about getting the trial underway. The witnesses testify, Gluupor admits to taking money from the Sith to plant the medal, and I paint a big figurative picture of a Sith conspiracy. Sunry gets off easily.

"Thanks for the help, Lexen," Sunry says. "And you too, Jolee, for finding me such a... ruthless lawyer."

I snicker softly. "Just keep in mind for future reference, if you ever feel the need to cheat on your wife, just pick up a prostitute instead. It's safer."

"Uh, if you say so," Sunry says. "Oh, there's my wife now. Gotta run."

I wave at him absently and head off toward the nearest cantina. I could do with a bit of dinner. It's a good thing we're not planning on staying on Manaan for an extended period of time. I'd get awfully sick of seafood after a while, and imported food is more expensive.

"Excuse me," a random Selkath says, approaching my group while we're eating. "My name is Shaelas. I was hoping maybe you could help me."

"You're approaching strangers in a cantina for help?" I say, raising an eyebrow.

"I apologize if my appeal is out of place," Shaelas says. "But I see that you and your companion have lightsabers, and you're not wearing black, so I assumed that you're Jedi."

I chuckle softly. "I'll give you credit for being observant, at least. What do you need?"

"My daughter, Shasa, is missing," Shaelas says. "And I've heard that a number of other young Selkath are, as well. I suspect that the Sith may be involved, but the Ahto City authorities won't do anything without evidence."

I sigh softly. "You know, the Sith aren't responsible for every bad thing to happen in the galaxy. Just quite a few of them. I'd say you're right to be paranoid about them. I'll look for these missing youngsters."

"Thank you, Master Jedi," Shaelas says. "I await any news you may bring."

"Nice of you to offer to help find his daugther," Jolee says once the Selkath leaves.

"I'm betting the Sith are probably kidnapping young Selkath and brainwashing them in hopes of taking over Manaan for its kolto supplies," I say offhandedly.

"Another imagined Sith conspiracy?" Jolee says, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, it's either that, or Shasa and her friends went on a three-hour tour and got stranded on a remote island somewhere and only haven't returned yet because one of them was a complete buffoon," I say lightly. "Or alternatively, she ran away from home to start a goth band, because nobody understands her."

"I think the Sith are more likely," Canderous says.

"Probably, yeah," I say.

"Say," Canderous says, glancing across the room at several mercenaries standing around. "I think I know that guy."

We approach the man in question. "Canderous?" he says. "Man, I haven't seen you in ages."

"Since the war," Canderous replies. "How you been doing, Ergeron?"

"Well enough," Ergeron says. "I'm working as a freelance mercenary these days. And you're traveling with Jedi?"

"Hah, not just any Jedi," Canderous says. "You haven't heard? This one's taken up the mantle of Mandalore and is reuniting the clans."

"Huh?" Ergeron says, looking at me in puzzlement. "But he's a Jedi..."

"I'm the one who killed the last Mandalore," I reply.

It takes a couple moments for that to register, and Ergeron's eyes widen as he realizes the implications of my statement. "Heh, seriously? I shouldn't known they wouldn't be able to kill one such as you so easily."

"Yeah, this is really him," Canderous says. "The real deal. I've seen the way he fights."

"I believe you," Ergeron says. "If you say this Jedi is Mandalore, then I'll believe you. You're not the sort that would easily be fooled by something like that." He chuckles, then looks at me. "But why are you deciding to take up the mantle of Mandalore only now?"

"Amnesia," I reply. "After I defeated Mandalore, circumstances led to... well, I believe I was mindfucked, essentially. I don't remember the details anymore, and this is probably a good thing for my own sanity."

"Damn," Ergeron says. "I'd hate to think what could do that to someone like you of all people."

"No kidding," I say.

"I've been out of touch with the clans for a while," Ergeron says. "So you're rebuilding the Mandalorians now? You know, I've discovered that working as a freelance mercenary beats being on the losing side in a war. But knowing you... any side you chose to go against will be the losing side in a war. I'll stand with you, Mandalore."

"I'm glad to hear that," I say with a grin. "I've been sending everyone off to Dxun for the moment."

"Dxun, huh?" Ergeron says, grinning back at me. "It'll just be like old times. Except for the part where you kicked our asses. Anything you need before I go to pack?"

"Yes, actually," I say. "I'd like to know what the Republic is up to that they're so eager to hire mercenaries around here. You have any info?"

"Not too sure," Ergeron says. "I didn't like the smell of it, so I steered clear of it. And the Sith seem to be trying to hire mercenaries just to keep them away from the Republic. All I know is, the ones the Republic have been hiring disappear and haven't come back."

"That's more than suspicious," I say, frowning. "What in the galaxy are they doing?"

"Heh," Ergeron says. "So, Mandalore, are we going to get to actually conquer the Republic this time?"

"I haven't decided yet," I say lightly.

"Whatever target Mandalore points us at is going to get fucked," Canderous says, grinning.

"Also, one more thing," I say. "Do you know anything about some missing Selkath youngsters?"

"Ah, yeah," Ergeron says. "The Sith made me an offer for that, but I didn't want to get involved. The Iridonian, however, had no such qualms. Ask him about it. Those Iridonians are savages. They don't care about honor or anything, just satisfying their own bloodlust."

"Alright, thanks for the information," I say. "Carry on."

I leave him, and head over to the Iridonian mercenary in question, a humanoid wearing yellow and black armor.

"If you're with the Republic, I'm not for hire," he says as we approach.

"Good thing I'm not with the Republic," I say.

"Oh?" the Iridonian says. "Who do you work for, then?"

"Myself," I say.

"Really? Those lightsabers would seem to indicate that you're a Jedi."

"You could call me that," I say. "But I'm not with the Jedi Order. And they likely would not approve of my, shall we say, darker tendancies."

"Ah, I see. Are you a Sith, then?"

"I am," I reply. "But I'm not the toady of that fool, Darth Malak." I grin broadly. "And I will be quite happy when I kill that son of a kath hound. There's few things I'd like more than to bathe in his fucking blood."

"Hmm, I like your attitude," the Iridonian says. "I haven't run across even a Sith who was quite so bloodthirsty. But you, you positively radiate murder. What do you have for me?"

"I understand that some of my fellow Sith recently hired you for a job involving some young Selkath," I say.

"Ah, yes, yes I did," the Iridonian replies. "It was an easy job, luring out these Selkath younglings into the Sith base, but it was credits. Disappointing, though, in that I didn't get to kill anything. The joy of killing is the true reward from my work. The credits are merely a bonus to that."

"I can appreciate that," I say with a grin. "What's the name of the one who hired you?"

"I didn't get his name, but I take it that the orders came from the Dark Jedi in charge of the Sith embassy in Ahto City," the Iridonian replies.

I nod. "I figured as much."

"So, do you have a job you want to hire me for?" the Iridonian says eagerly.

"Let me get back to you on that," I say. "But if what I'm thinking of pans out, the slaughter will be beautiful." I grin broadly.

"I look forward to it," the Iridonian says. "You can find me here when you're ready."

We part ways, and I head out of the cantina again followed by Canderous and Jolee.

Canderous says quietly, "You aren't seriously considering hiring that Iridonian, are you?"

"As a diversion, if anything," I say. "I have a plan, but I need more pieces first."

"You have a plan," Canderous says. "Somebody's fucked."

I chuckle softly. "But, it's getting late. I can fuck people over on a full night's rest. Let's head back for the ship."