Another apology for taking so long to write this. Sickness, writer's block, and wrestling to get through filler (I just skipped the shit in the end) haven't exactly helped get this out, but the last two days has seen the creation of this entire chapter (crazy, right?)

I apologize for the chronic lateness with these most recent chapters.

Of all the things to have start raining down on your ship, the debris of a larger ship is kinda not good for various reasons. If that reason is because the larger ship is about ready to fall on top of you, that's legendarily not good.

"Huh." Sanji said before everyone started screaming.

Rewind a few minutes (those of you familiar with ye olde VHS, imagine the sound associated with that action please) and pause. It's the average breather day for us, which means that the weather is clear and most of us are lying around enjoying it. Zoro is pumping a little iron, Ace is gull watching in the crow's nest, Sanji is collecting the empty glasses that are sitting on the table while Nami, Chopper and Robin read, Luffy is fishing, Usopp is tinkering while Joke brainstorms with him, and I'm working on a mask design with a piece of wood too small for Usopp to use patching up the ship.

Press play.

I had looked up from my work when something clattered on the deck next to me, reaching over to pick it up. A little piece of soft wood, much too soft to be a piece of what I'm working with or part of our ship. Seemed harmless enough, so I put it out of my mind and tossed it over my shoulder into the sea. No problem.

There was another clatter. And another. A bit of sawdust falling on a shoulder. A splinter poking Ace in the eye. And then a section of sail with more yardage than our first boat fell into the sea.

I looked up, along with the rest of the crew, and blinked as a ship easily ten times the size of our humble vessel descends like a personal 'Fuck You' from God.

"What is it?" Nami screamed.

"A ship!" Zoro yelled.

"A nightmare!" Usopp wailed.

"Tuesday." Ace said rather sedately. Being the only person on board with New World (or Whitebeard, come to think of it) experience shows.

I tried to adopt the same calm attitude. "Calling it; skull."

"DON'T JINX IT." Everyone snapped at me, even as a four hundred year old corpse slammed Usopp into the deck.

"I'M SURROUNDED BY DEATH." Usopp wailed from behind the mast as Robin, Sanji (not that surprising considering that a certain knowledge of anatomy goes into butchering) and I sorted through the four different skeletons that had landed on the Merry Go during the downpour from hell. One natural death (evidenced by actual interment and what Robin identified as antiseptic herbs in the coffin to keep sickness down), two murders (the swords stuck through their ribs were pretty strong indicators), and one with an identifiable cause of death.

"Don't be a pissy baby." I scolded as I looked over the least damaged skull. "You've been surrounded by skeletons since before you were born."

"WHAT?"

Everyone leaves Usopp to his horrific realization that, yes, skeletons are made of the same bones that keep people from being gelatinous sacks of goo.

"You're all weirdoes." Nami muttered as she tapped at the Log Pose. "First ships falling from the sky, now the Log Pose is broken."

Robin looked over. "It's not broken, it's fixed on an island."

The redhead pointed at the nearly vertical needle. "What island is in the sky?"

I grinned. "A sky island, of course." I said as I clattered a skull's teeth at her. Robin gently removed the centuries old bones from my keeping.

"That's ridicu-" She cut off as Luffy shoved an old map into her face with the name 'Skypia' written in really big capital letters.

Ace nodded. "I've been to one of those. Those places can be pretty wild."

Luffy blinked at his navigator expectantly.

She sighed. "Fine. We'll go."

"RAISE THE PROW!" Luffy yelled.

Sanji kicked him in the head, sending the rubber man to the floor. "Ships don't work that way, dumbass!"

"Yeah, you can't just fly up with a ship!" Nami said, huffing as she slapped Merry's mast. "They just aren't built for that!"

I opened my mouth, one finger in the air in the universal pose of 'actually…'.

Nami glared at me.

I closed my mouth without a word. Actually… informing her about the Knock Up Stream can wait.

20.000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA COMMENCES AND THEN BECOMES PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, SPECIFICALLY WHERE GIANT SEA MONSTERS EAT THE CAPTAIN ALSO SEATURTLES

Luffy has a magical ability to make friends or enemies. There is no in-between.

Masira has fallen squarely in the first category, despite both his and our crew's best efforts. Which included Team Rocketing him into the upper atmosphere.

Still applies.

Mocktown: You will never find a more wretched and spicy hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.

"LET'S PARTY!" Luffy declares as soon as he sees it.

Or that.

"Look at that port." Nami said, eyeing the huge ships occupying the harbor.

Usopp looked up at the flags and the figureheads. "I don't know, but those look like pirate ships…"

The navigator laughed. "Please, nobody is that brazen…" She looked at the ships closer.

As Nami and Usopp both bemoaned their bad luck, Ace leaned on the railing next to me. "This is where Blackbeard is?" He asked, eyes fixed on the town like staring hard enough would reveal the fat bastard.

I nodded, grabbing his arm as he move to jump off the ship. "Story hour first, Sparky." I said, pulling him back to the main part of the deck and pushing him into a sitting position.

I pulled out the blackboard and drew Blackbeard. "Alright, you know this asshole. But do you know the Devil Fruit that he's using?"

"Not really. Doesn't matt-" He got a face full of eraser.

"Shush your face and get educated." I drew the Yami Yami no Mi next. "You see this thing? It's gonna make your life hell."

"It's just a Logia type, right? I still don't –" I Sorued to where the eraser was and back to the board so I could throw it at Ace's head again. He dodged this time.

"This is no mere Logia!" I yelled, adjusting my costume glasses so they shone in the sun. "This is the worst Logia, the most broken Logia, the stupidest and most difficult to defeat Logia!"

Ace didn't look overly impressed with my teaching skills yet, but, since he was still here, I assumed he was at least interested in what information I might be able to lay out on the subject.

I pulled out a pointer wand and tapped the chalk Yami Yami no Mi. "This is the Logia of Darkness, which is a bit of a misnomer; it's more of a Logia of Black Holes."

"'Black hole'?"

Oi. I rub my face. Alright, back to elementary school science. "You know how gravity works?" I ask.

The orange hat bobs. "Yeah."

"Well, imagine gravity so strong, light can't escape it. Gravity so strong it can crumble mountains into pancakes." Physics, bitch.

"That's…" I can tell he wants to say 'impossible' but he hangs out with Whitebeard. That word is no longer in his vocabulary. "…that's what he can do?" He looks almost as disturbed as he was when Luffy got caught by Crocodile. Less adrenaline and brotherly freaking out, more fridge horror.

"Not really. But it's not dissimilar to that." I adjust my glasses and write 'Gravity' under the picture of the devil fruit. "The first power he gets is 'Gravity', the irresistible force that draws all things to it. If he wants to play up close and personal, you're gonna play up close and personal. This applies to your real body, so don't think that your Logia powers give you a free pass on this one."

After this is 'Absorption'. "His Black Hole doesn't function like a natural black hole." I say. "His doesn't crush an object out of existence, but he can produce the mulched remains of what he sucks up from… well, let's call it a pocket dimension of hell that is made up of his power. Word of advice; it's worse than a room with a moose or a dimension of infinite dookie, so don't go there."

"A room with a moose? What's so scary about a room with a stupid moose?" Ace gave me a suspicious look. "… is it a very big moose?"

I give him a look. "…Really? I'm telling you that this guy can literally pulp people with his powers and you're stuck on my analogies?"

"It's just… a room with a moose, really?"

"Shut up." I write 'Nullification' under 'Absorption'. "Anyway, the worst power is this one; if he touches you, your powers are nulled. Not Haki, can't overpower it (so far as I've been informed), and it's an absolute rule. You can touch him with your powers but if he touches you, your powers whiff it like you never ever had them until you get away from him again."

Ace blinked.

Silence.

"So, you're saying that Teach got the Sea Stone Devil Fruit and gravity powers on top of that." He finally said.

That's… pretty much it. "Pretty much."

"Alright." He folds his hands, resting his chin on them.

Silence, again.

"You want me to tell you his weaknesses?" I offer.

There is a blur of skin and tattoos and I'm skidding across the deck, pretty much being destroyed by tackle hugs. Definitely Luffy's brother.

Once lecture time is over and Chopper is sure that he's pulled all the splinters out of my back (and once Nami has impressed upon us at least five times that she better not hear anything about any fights while we're ashore otherwise our debts go up, despite not having any currently), we're exploring the new terrain, with Ace artfully disguised with my various cosplay supplies and costumes. No need to show our hands to the Blackbeard Pirates too early.

Never mind the fact that we're both wearing gloves.

He pulled at the collar of his blue and silver uniform. "I still don't see why I had to dress up for this, Witt." He muttered, eyes sliding over the curious and suspicious glances being thrown our way.

"S'not like you can even overheat, Roy." I said in my own disguise, eyeing him behind the false glasses. Having only one State Alchemist uniform on hand, I was wearing something with a similar vibe. "Sides, I'm Sir Integra Van Helsing until the wig comes off." To illustrate the point, I run a gloved hand through the long wheat blond strands. I might be a man in body, but a girl never loses the sense of smug superiority when people stop and stare in wonder and fear.

Being a practiced cosplayer, I jumped at the chance to ply the craft again. Contacts, full wig, false bust, contouring makeup, full iron grey two piece suit, one blood red frock coat over the shoulders (not exactly canon, but one hell of an image), and all the other accessories combined and melded to become a (somewhat pale, I'll admit) reflection of Sir Integra.

Ace… well, I figured he wouldn't stand for that kind of detail, so I just kept it simple. One Roy Mustang in uniform, makeup to cover the freckles and subtly reshape the face, hair brushed out and oiled, correctly inked gloves, and a dubious promise not to reveal that he was a fire Logia. Acting like a guy with fire-based Paramecia; just fine.

"The hell is the difference?" Ace asked, trying to get away from the blue uniform like covering up would somehow make him vulnerable to physical attack.

"Logia turn into fire. Paramecia only throw it around."

My caveman accent doesn't get me any respect points. "…You're a strange person." Ace says flatly.

"I get that a lot." I admit.

I'll admit there were likely a couple of people who knew exactly who we had come as. I was almost relying on that, allowing someone else's reputation carry us through the crowd without over many incidents. Besides, if 'normal' people from my world could use the portals, who's to say that canon characters couldn't?

I mentally tallied off Blackbeard's boys as I saw them, making sure not to move my head or even change my expression. Just a normal pirate keeping an eye out for potential problems. Which I was. Van Auger, Jesus, Doc Q… "Riverdance's missing." I murmured to Ace. It was about time for that Government meeting between the Marine higher ups and the Warlords. Discussing Croco-chan's replacement and exactly who would be 'dealing' with a certain straw hat wearing problem.

Ace's eyes narrowed after he ran through the process of elimination. "Lafitte?"

I tilted my head towards the sea. "He's testing the waters with the Gov. Seeing if BB can get in with the top seven."

He pulled an Eastwood expression as he looked ahead to the horizon. "Scrambling for power."

I snorted. "More like a measured step. BB's aiming higher than that, and I doubt that Warlord's his final goal." Of all the craziness that goes on in the world, crazy plans are like a paradox; too strange for people to think of, but too omnipresent to avoid.

"What, you think he's going for Emperor?" Ace asked incredulously. It did sound insane, considering the kind of monsters in those positions. Even the Warlords couldn't touch those pirates.

I gave him a look. "He willingly pissed off Whitebeard, Ace. The risk can't outweigh the reward for that kind of suicidal action. And when you're willing to undermine an Emperor…"

My eyes flicked back ahead of us, past the town and on to the horizon.

"You're aiming to become a God."

DUN DUN DUUUNNNNN

It was outside the Wild Cherry that I had to actually restrain Ace. "Luffy'd be in the crossfire." I whispered into his ear, my hand on his shoulder like a velvet covered vice.

The murderous focus on his face broke, and Ace's dark eyes flickered over to Luffy, only darting to Teach to see if he was moving aggressively. Good boy. Prioritize. The living over the dead. Others over the self. Not exactly a pirate way of thinking, but take morality where you can get it.

Luffy was bleeding from what I knew were superficial cuts, as was Zoro, but it still raised my own homicidal urges. "Damn hyena." I snarled as the bastard sauntered out to gloat over his 'victory'.

"He did that to Luffy?" Ace asked, hands beginning to turn into flames at the edges.

I released his shoulder, walking out ahead of him. My silence is more conspicuous and more telling than any answer, either lie or truth.

Somehow Ace doesn't start shit.

Something about deferring gratification, probably. Wouldn't trust the shirtless wonder to believe in revenge served cold.

Ace hovers while Luffy is being patched up, even as Luffy asks who he is (apparently, Ace without freckles and chronic shirtlessness isn't really Ace), only relaxing enough for me to clean him up once the wounds are shown to be superficial and Band-Aid worthy at worst.

My own cosplay, with reactions going from from 'Who the hell are you' (Zoro), 'Fancy hair weirdo' (Luffy), and 'Laaaaaaaaddddddyyyyyy' (Sanji), was even better as Sanji went through an existential crisis while Luffy asked if I could make him up to look like a robot. I promised to do it when we reached our next vacation. Robin herself looked rather impressed ('I barely recognized you'), which I took as a compliment, considering that she had associated with a true master of the disguise.

Of course, that all was tossed to the side (for about thirty seconds) when Shoujou showed up. He sang, wrecked his boat, wrecked Merry, and we beat feet.

ONE REPAIR MONTAGE LATER

Montblanc's place was, artistically speaking, impressive. The illusion of depth is hard to capture, especially with the kind of skill that's needed for a lifelike illusion. The house itself… well, it somewhat less impressive.

The man who did it is also impressive to look at. Built like a minor mountain (Luffy compared him to a diamond and I can't argue with that) with a stubborn streak to match, Montblanc Norland is a man who, when he says he was a pirate captain, you believe it without hesitation. If he didn't suffer from the bends, he would be a completely impressive figure. When he tells us that we can catch the Knock-Up Stream tomorrow, at noon, we believe him. When he tells us that we need to catch a Southbird in the dark of night, we do it (I ask Ace to stay behind, 'to keep a light burning in the window, in case we get lost', but really so he can take a few inches out of Bellamy's hide when/if/it's really when he shows up).

"Spider!" I scream girlishly as Nami bats her arachnid aggressor away from her and onto my face. When Sanji does the same, my scream intensifies.

Usopp lifted the spiders off me gently. "First off; Ow." He said, digging a finger into his ear. Joke nods from the sniper's shoulder, though I suppose it would be worse for a bat to go through that kind of noise. "Second; Seriously, skeletons and monsters don't bother you, but spiders are scary?"

"I don't like centipedes either." I said, standing stiffly in a river of tarantulas.

"You might not want to stand too close to that tree then."

Eventually, it fell to Robin to get the damn bird. We have since named it 'Satan', which is gonna be awkward for a bit, because I'd answer to that too ('That explains so much and nothing at all' Nami said with a flat expression'.

By the time were got back, Ace was gone. There's also a surprising lack of property damage. When we asked, we got the usual man answer: Three sentences and the truth.

"He went into town." Montblanc said, knocking the ash off his cigarette. "'I have unfinished business with a hyena and a traitor' he said." He sucked on the death stick. "Of course, the Hyena already got one hell of a beating already."

Welp, he's dead.

Like 'Ultra dead'.

Super dead.

Seventh level of hell dead.

Whole new degree of murder dead.

Oh well. Pretty sure Bellamy had it coming. No skin off my nose.

Ace hasn't come back yet and I'm worried, because even if he's an adult and not a member of the crew, he's precious to Luffy. I'm not worried about the Bellamy fight; that 'fight', if you can call it that, was over before it began.

What I'm worried about is the Blackbeard fight.

The fight in the original timeline was hard and Ace lost. By how much, I don't know, but it was still a loss. How much of an advantage he gets from Teach being out a week or two worth of experience with his weirdo powers and knowing his abilities and weaknesses from the outset, I don't know. He's fresh, well rested, there are literally barrels of flammable material at hand if Ace is of a strategic mind (not that most Logia types have a need for that kind of thinking most of the time), and, hopefully, he has something of a drop on the fat bastard.

What's no good is that there's no way we're gonna know the outcome before we come back from Skypia. That's a few days' worth of suspense that I'd rather do without. But I can't cut out on the crew for a non-member.

I do what I can; I ask the Salvage trio to keep an eye on Ace.

Monteblanc's lip rises at that; I can't tell if it's a 'are you fucking serious' sneer or a 'twitchy little weasel, aintcha' smile. "Was gonna do that anyway; kid kept me from getting robbed. Even a pirate can respect another man who's willing to do that for a stranger."

ALSO WE CONVERTED MERRY FROM A GOAT TO A CHICKEN, LET ALL HYLIANS BEWARE

Luffy stared off in the direction of Mocktown, even as we sailed closer and closer to the spot that would send us to heaven, either by sending the Merry to the ocean above the clouds or breaking us up into kibble and bits.

"He'll be fine." I lied. "Sides, wasn't it Ace that was always saving you when you got into trouble?"

Luffy 'hmm'd. "Still feels unlucky."

You and me both.

On Jaya, Blackbeard sneezed, distracting him long enough for another fiery attack to hit him right in the face. He shrieked like a seven-year old girl presented with a centipede. An on-fire still-alive centipede in the face.

The author didn't feel particularly sorry for him when they abused their powers to have him flail backwards into a barrel of fouled drinking water. Enjoy gangrene to the face, bitch. Your doctor probably isn't gonna do shit about it.

I can't believe I forgot the giant whirlpool. Who the hell forgets a giant whirlpool, you might ask?

The person who's library missed Volume 25 and who's kind of a goofy goober in the first place.

Me.

"No one said anything about this!" Nami screamed as we went round after round on the Merry Go Round from hell. I almost imagine she's talking to me.

Everyone (sans Robin) screams as we descend into the void.

The sea is deceptively calm and it's like the whirlpool never was.

"Was it a dud?" Usopp asks from where he's puddled on the floor. I hold up my hand. Five.

"What?" Zoro asks.

I curl in my thumb. Four.

"Is that a…" Joke asks, slightly horrified.

My pinky joins my thumb in the palm of my hand. Three.

Nami starts quietly sobbing.

The ring finger descends. Two.

Zoro grabs onto the railing with a single hand.

Only one finger left; the one that points to the sky.

Everyone braces…

Zero.

A beat passes.

Sanji sighed in relief. "Well, it seems that even Witt's psychic powers can be wro-"

The Knock Up Stream obliterates what was left of the conversation.

The crew (sans Robin) screams as we're blasted into the upper atmosphere.

"THIS. IS. AWESOME!" Luffy screams over the rest of the crew.

From my place wrapped around the front railing of the forward deck, I agree, grinning all the way. Terrifying, but awesome.

In the back of my head, 'Living On The Edge' by Aerosmith starts playing.

It only takes forty-five seconds after that for the crew to forgo the screaming for the excitement of adventure. The sails are opened and we take to the sky proper, flying about seven feet over the surface of the Knock Up Stream.

Who says a chicken can't fly?

Omake: Why Mary Jane never joined the crew.

We stared up at the giant monster that had our strongest crewmates sitting amongst its molars. Everyone was staring in shocked horror… except for me.

Chopper looked over to me and my smoking joint as I calmly beheld the behemoth. "Witt? What's going on?"

"Sea turtles, mate. Sea turtles." I mumbled.

Omake: Tall People

"Why is everyone I meet in this town so freaking tall?" Luffy asked, staring up at another random pirate.

I dipped under the outstretched arm of a dancing drunkard. "It's an odd trait of the Grand Line; the longer you live there, the taller you get over time. But it only seems to apply to strong people." I said. Honestly, a scientific answer would set well with me too, because if it's something in the water, I wanna freaking glass. Blame it on growing up the shorty (read; normal sized person) of a family of born basket ball players.

"Weird." Luffy decided.

"Isn't it always?" I agreed.

Q&A

ON THE SUBJECT OF ZORO KNOWING HOW TO CUT STEEL;

DUBIOUS YES.

I did write Witt giving a shit ass explanation to him during the WORST FILLER chapters that got them out of that mess (as to if it stuck, that's the dubious bit). Of course, there's always the other opportunities to learn it (though which could be more 'die or fly' than dealing with a Man of literal Steel, I don't know).

ON THE SUBJECT OF SCHRODINGER'S KNIFE;

IT'S BECOME GROUP PROPERTY.

Witt isn't really a knife fighter, so the knife that he stole from one of the Buggy pirates back in… chapter five (holding on to a cheap knife for that many chapters is kind of impressive) has likely become crew property, like the pistol (seen first when Miss All-Sunday arrives uninvited (in Sanji's hands) and then later at Enies Lobby (in Nami's hands)).

Going to try to both decrease the time spent twiddling my fingers and increase the word count again! Reviews and commentary are welcome!