This is shorter than the usual chapter however I wrote it quickly today because I wanted to get this out before I go away on Holiday on Monday. Also I'm running a race tomorrow so I won't be able to update then so it looks as thoguh this may well be the last one for about a week. I won't be back until Friday so I can't say when the next update will be but I feel like I've witheld an update for this fic long enough. Obviously this isn't the only fic that won't be updated for about a week so that's just a fair warning for all my fics however if you want to message me I will still have acess to the internet and I'd be more than happy to respond to any questions or anything that you might have :)
Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter (She says knowing full well what's about to come. Sorry not sorry)
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Clarke walked in the mechanics workshop to find her staring intently at the radio as if it would suddenly come to life underneath her gaze. She raised an eyebrow then sat herself down next to Raven.
"I'm going to guess by that look that it's still not working"
Raven shook her head, "Oh it's working"
Clarke looked at her incredulously, "Are you serious?" She glanced back at the radio sitting on the workbench in silence, "It seems pretty dead to me"
"A few moments ago I came across this frequency" Raven nodded to the radio, "It gives the impression that there's nothing there, I suppose in the hope that it will be overlooked, but It's definitely there"
"How do you know?"
"Because just now I heard this" She leant forward and pressed a few buttons on the radio. A second later a voice came through and Clarke gasped in shock.
"That's Monty!"
"Come in Ark… This is the 44. We're inside Mount Weather and our people are beginning to disappear. We need help"
The message repeated a few more times before Raven turned it off and turned to Clarke with a triumphant look. Clarke furrowed her brow in thought, "Can you make contact through the frequency?"
"I might be able to send a message back but to create some kind of radio conversation would take time and effort from both sides"
Clarke nodded, "Can you send the message for now?"
Raven smirked, "Is that a question?"
"Get on it"
XoXoXoX
Lexa sat up straight in her furs, eyes wide and chest heaving desperately for air. It was still dark in her tent and she realised with a sinking feeling that seemingly no time had passed from the moment she laid down. With a groan the brunette ran a hand through her hair. Already she had fallen asleep then been awoken by a nightmare twice and she had no interest in attempting it for a third time. She drew in a shaky breath as her mind went back to the dream that had tormented her just moments before. At first it had just been here and Clarke on the Ark then Lexa found herself back down in that cave over the fire before seeing Costia die in front of her alongside Gustus' limp body.
Pushing back the furs she stood from the bed and made her way over to the table for a cup of water to quench her sore throat. Her heart rate was still unnaturally fast alongside the shaking of her hands as she attempted to pour the drink. Seeing Gustus again just reminded her how real this was all becoming…
Lexa shook her head and placed the cup back down on the table. She glanced around the tent for a moment before making her way outside; she needed some fresh air.
It was dark outside, the line of trees to her right and the dim lights shining from TonDC to her left. Lexa gave a small nod to the two guards standing outside, who grunted out, "Heda" in response, then made her way down the slope to a clearing a short distance away from camp that would give her a moment of peace and quiet.
Upon arriving she stopped abruptly and frowned at the figure sitting against the trunk of a fallen tree. Her eyes were closed but Lexa could tell she wasn't sleeping, "Anya?"
The grounder opened one eye but didn't seem shocked to see Lexa there, "Lexa."
The brunette smiled to herself and walked over to join Anya on the ground. Her first was staring up at the night's sky with her usual emotionless expression and Lexa closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of the cool night air alongside the silence.
"You smile?"
Lexa shrugged, "You don't call me Heda like the others"
"You are not my Heda" Anya snorted, "You are my second and a Branwada"
She cracked open an eye to see Anya still watching the sky with an amused expression. Lexa opened her other eye and turned to see the stars dotted out above them in the darkness. It seemed strange, now that she was here, to imagine ever being up there among them for most of her life.
"I am not going to apologise for torturing you" Anya said suddenly and Lexa looked to her with surprise, "I did what had to do for my people"
"Threatening to kill my girlfriend and I would benefit your people?" Lexa's jaw was set in annoyance.
Anya raised an eyebrow at her, "You were the enemy. I did what was required of me for my people… As you did today with Gustus. Who we are in war is who we need to be rather than who we want to be, or who we would like to be, but that does not define who we are"
Lexa nodded and looked down at the dagger on her hip, "This is just the beginning"
"Gustus will not be the last hard decision you will have to make before this war is over"
"I don't know how to be a leader" She shook her head, "I feel like I'm serving the people"
"You are. A leader puts their people above all else, serves their people, and does what is required as opposed to what is right. You are one life above the many that looked to you"
Lexa's head felt like it would explode and she closed her eyes hoping to block it out for a moment but all it did was give way to the many memories of horrors she had already seen. The sound of movement caught her attention and she opened her eyes again to see Anya standing from the ground.
"Sleep is a necessity" She looked back at Lexa for a moment with an amused look, "Even for the commander"
The brunette watched the grounder walk off towards camp and waited until she was gone before letting out a sigh. She leant back against the tree, her eyes fixed to the sky, and allowed her mind to wander back to all those years spent in the sky wishing she was here down on the ground. It was a while until Lexa finally returned to her tent.
XoXoXoX
Clarke looked up from her breakfast to see Abby standing before her. She shared a glance with Raven as her mother sat down and raised an eyebrow at the woman.
"Clarke" Her mother began, "I've been thinking"
Clarke frowned, "Don't push me back" She warned, "I'll told that I'm in charge and I meant that. I won't back down"
Abby raised a hand in her defence, "I wasn't going to. Actually I was going to offer you and Raven a place on the council"
The blonde froze and looked over to Raven who was staring at Abby with a slack jaw. Kane was watching them from a short distance away and Clarke took note of his tense posture alongside Abby's nervous lip biting.
"You don't want me on the council. You need me" She laughed in realisation with a shake of her head in disbelief.
Abby sighed in exasperation, "Clarke I'm trying here, I really am, but you're not making it easy. Yes, okay, we need you on the council" She added with a glare from Clarke, "But that's only because I realised you were right; the grounders listen to you and we need that on the council. We can no longer afford to be against one another with the mountain. You were right Clarke"
The blonde narrowed her eyes. She didn't buy it but at least, with her on the council, there was no way for them to leave her out of important decisions. Though, this didn't seem to come with the promise that they would listen.
"Why me?" Raven asked.
"You're smart, the council currently consists of me and Marcus, Clarke trusts you and, honestly, we need that"
She shrugged in response and looked to Clarke. The blonde was watching her mother warily for any signs of discomfort and, finding none, let out a long sigh.
"Okay. We're in but you have to listen to us. Including us is one thing, taking our ideas on board is completely different"
Abby nodded slowly in agreement, "Of course"
Clarke watched her stand and walk back over to Marcus with narrowed eyes before turning to Raven who was staring at her with an amused look.
"You don't believe that do you?"
Clarke snorted, "Not in the slightest but I'll play along if it means they'll listen to me"
The two stopped talking as a member of the guard shouted out announcing the approach of the grounders. Clarke grits her teeth and stood from the table preparing herself from the earful she would no doubt receive from Lexa once she realised where Octavia had gone.
Lexa's at the front of the group followed by two guards and Indra. As per usual the general looks as though she wants to be anywhere else right now and Clarke didn't miss the exhausted look Lexa seemed to be sporting.
She greets Clarke with a slightly relieved smile before her gaze scans the few faces behind the blonde and it morphs into a frown, "Where's Octavia?"
"Can we talk?" Clarke indicated to the Ark and Lexa nodded in agreement following her inside the ship. The blonde found an empty work room then waited for Lexa to enter before closing the door and turning to the brunette.
"Octavia's gone"
Lexa's eyes widened, "What?"
Clarke lifted a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose, "Octavia wanted to go looking for Lincoln, and we need him if we're going to get into the mountain, so I told her to go. She's with Bellamy"
"I told you to look out for her" Lexa spluttered, "How could you tell her to go?"
"Because we need Lincoln!"
Lexa shook her head, "She's supposed to be training with Indra. You can't just order Octavia off like that! It wasn't a decision for you to make"
Clarke laughed in disbelief, "I can't? Where do you have any right to tell me what I can and can't do Lexa?"
The brunette just glowered back at her, "I'm not someone you can just order about Lexa! We're supposed to be in this together, I'm not beneath you so would you please stop acting like I am!"
"I'm not!"
"You just told me that I can't tell Octavia to go do something that she was already going to do anyway. She wasn't exactly waiting for your permission" She said incredulously.
Lexa was staring at with wide eyes as if she couldn't believe they were even arguing about this to begin with, "She wasn't going anywhere before you ordered her off Clarke! She's with Bellamy? Great. Send the trigger happy guy with her, that's safe!"
"Oh don't take the high horse now" Clarke snorted, "You can't order Octavia around. She isn't one of your people!" She snapped.
Lexa stared back at her in disbelief. Clarke felt the anger reduce for a moment as she realised what she said and a look of hurt cross the brunette's face.
"I didn't-"
"Not one of my people" Lexa croaked, "Is that it now? You don't consider me a sky person anymore? We're going to completely forget that I'm from the Ark"
"I didn't mean it like that!" Clarke frowned.
She shook her head with a bitter laugh, "But you're all thinking it. That I'm not one of you anymore"
Lexa's disbelief formed into an angry look that she fixed on Clarke, "I was part of the 100 or did you forget that? I didn't have to be, I wasn't like you because I had a choice, and yet I chose you. I chose you Clarke over my own life; more than once! Yet it still doesn't seem to be enough for you. I came down from the Ark because I loved you. Wells, Bellamy, Raven and I, we weren't supposed to be here, yet we all came down for someone we loved. You think I wanted to go with Anya? Do you think I'd rather be chained to a pole in her camp than be back with you? Do you think I enjoyed it?"
She snarled the last part and Clarke's eyes widened in shock, "No of course not-"
"You think I want to be commander? That I want all this pressure on me? Because I don't. I didn't want to kill Gustus yesterday. Dammit, I didn't even want to take the stupid trials, but I did it because I didn't want to leave you. I love you Clarke! It's always been about you, you've been the one thing keeping me going, everything I've done since leaving the Ark was to keep you alive but even that doesn't seem to be enough"
Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head, "I don't think any of that Lexa. I love you and I know what you've sacrificed for me but I can't be a yes-man to you. What I did with Octavia was right and you know it"
Lexa's shoulders sagged as though the fight had gone over her and when Clarke finally looked up at her face she could see the lost look shining back at her. She looked so much younger now with all this pressure on her and yet before she never looked as close to giving up as she did in this moment.
"This isn't even about Octavia" Lexa shook her head, "I agree that she needs to go but at what point did we stop working together? Everyone at the Ark looked at me today as a grounder, is that who I am now? To all of you? To you?"
"I love you!"
"That doesn't answer my question" She snapped and her eyes glossed over to a cool, hard expression that Clarke had never seen cross her girlfriend's face before, "I never asked for any of this and yet you're all acting like I begged for it; like I don't care. I've killed more people than I can count over the last few weeks and I thought I could trust all of you to remind me who I am because hell if I know" She looked close to tears now as the defeated look returned and Lexa grasped against her own chest desperately, "I hate who I have to become for these people, my people," She sneered causing Clarke to wince again, "but I thought I could rely on you Clarke. I thought you were different, I thought that was what being a part of the 100 was about, that none of us belonged"
Clarke closed her eyes briefly in an attempt to push back her own tears then stepped forward to hold the brunette but Lexa moved away from her. She tried to ignore the way her heart ached at the lack of contact but the look Lexa was giving her right now just forced it harder. She wasn't angry, she didn't even look upset, she just looked defeated and after everything they had been through on the ground Clarke thought it would be the one thing she would never see on the brunette.
At Clarke's lack of response Lexa only seemed to fall back further and she shook her head before attempting to move past the blonde, "I have to go" She mumbled.
"No" Clarke reached out and grasped Lexa's arm forcing her to stop, "Don't walk away like this. I'm sorry for what I said but that doesn't mean I don't love you"
Lexa refused to turn around and look at Clarke but merely pulled her arm from the girl's grasp, "I know you love me, however, I can't rely on you forever Clarke. I'm sorry, I love you, but I need time"
She opened the door and swept into the hall. Clarke stared after her horrified, slightly in shock for a moment, and then called after her, "Lexa! Please!"
Lexa didn't even turn around before leaving the Ark.
I may very well die in this race tomorrow from heat exhaustion. If that happens I'd like my last wish for Clexa to ride off into the sunset on Lexa's white horse. That is all.