Ready to Grow Up
Sky's hand was in mine, and he was leading me away from Fairy Forest. I had been waiting for this moment all night, and the fact that it was finally happening, had me quivering in my slippers.
However, I knew that I had to tell Sky about how I felt…about the guilt that was crushing my conscience. I had to let him know that I had never felt so selfish in my entire life.
The Fairy King and Queen had introduced themselves to Ali and me. They did not speak our language, so Peter had to translate for us. They said they were happy to perform for us and hoped that we had a safe voyage home. Peter grimaced when he said this bit to Ali, and Ali plastered a smile on her face.
"Thank you," she had said, her voice shaking.
"We really appreciate it," I said to them.
They were spectacular, and it was sad to see them ago. The night was full of goodbyes that I was not ready to handle.
Sky and I had separated easily enough. We said we were going for a walk and would be back soon enough. When Sky had announced this, Ali stared steadily at me. I tried to avoid her eyes, but it was hard to hide my smile.
"You have no idea how hard it has been to keep my hands off you," Sky growled now. He was basically running through the woods, out clothes catching onto various twigs and branches.
His hand on mine was not enough. I stared at his backside with desire flaming up inside me. "I know what you mean."
He swung his head around to smile at me. "I have only been thinking about the tree house the past couple hours."
My thoughts went to us leaving in only an hour or two. I could see Sky's tears falling down his cheeks as Peter made his speech to him.
"Is that really all you've been thinking about?"
He slowed down immediately. His stride matched mine and we were now walking side-by-side.
"No. I mean, it's the main thought that has been in my head all day, but you know that it is not the only thing I have been thinking about." His voice was quiet, almost a whisper. I felt like I was talking to one of the younger Lost Boys, trying to get an answer out of them.
"What else have you been thinking about?" I tried to keep my voice casual, but it was hard to do so when I wanted to tell him so badly how I felt.
Sky shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "You know…everything: us leaving tomorrow, meeting your parents, saying goodbye."
"In that order?" I teased.
It didn't work. His look was still somber when he looked at me. "You know what I mean. I just…a lot is on my mind."
I squeezed his hand. "I know. That's why I asked. I wanted to make sure you're okay."
He squeezed my hand back and when he looked at me, my favorite smile of his was on his face. "Nothing for you to worry about, love. Nothing for you to worry about."
I kissed him swiftly.
That got him walking quicker again.
I let out a groan. "Sky! My arm is starting to feel like a ragdoll's!"
He gave a boisterous laugh. "Don't you want to get there?"
I sighed. "Then why don't we fly?"
He stopped so quickly that I ran into his backside. All the air flew out of my chest. "Oomph!" I grunted.
"Sorry." He stroked my cheek. "But that's a great idea."
And in a flash, I was in his arms, staring up at his heavenly face. I immediately smiled.
"I always have the great ideas," I whispered.
He rolled his eyes. "Give me a break."
And with that, we rose into the air, flying towards our favorite destination of all.
It took only about three minutes to get there, and by the time we were there, we were no longer talking. The meaning behind this occasion was sitting on both of our minds. My heart was racing and I could feel his heart thump against my arm as we flew onto the wooden porch of the tree house.
He gently placed me down on the planks but kept his arms tight on my shoulders. I looked up at him.
The look on his face almost made my knees buckle. I knew that this meant a lot to him, but the way he was looking at me was enough to knock the wind out of me again. It hurt to love someone this much. It was a good pain…enough to make my heart clench every time I stared into his eyes or enough to make my toes curl when he ran his fingers through my hair.
"Sky," I whispered.
He lightly pressed his finger against my lips. "Save it."
And then his finger was trailing from my lips to my chin, across my neck, to my collarbone, down to the top of my bra. He fingered the lace through my pajama shirt. I would have glared at him, but my eyes were closed in ecstasy, letting him make the next move.
With no warning, his hands were on my shoulders and he pushed against me forcefully. My back hit the doorframe of the house, and I gasped in surprise and pleasure.
He smiled at my gasp. "Corie…" he muttered.
"What?" I managed to get out.
He grabbed my hand and slowly reached it up to place it on his face. I couldn't do anything but stare at him. He turned his head so that his lips were pressed against my palm. Gently, he kissed my skin, so gently that it felt like a fairy was grazing my hand.
My head was spinning. I used the doorframe to keep my stance casual and pretended that I could take this as well as Sky was taking this.
"Why doesn't he just do it already?"
But the truth was…I liked what he was doing: I liked the way he made me wait; I liked how he knew exactly where to touch me; I liked the way he looked at me as if I was the only person on the planet; I liked that he never seemed to get sick of kissing my skin.
"I know what you're doing," I whispered suddenly.
His eyes opened in surprise and he stared down at me. "What am I doing?" His voice was hoarse, and I knew that he wanted to go inside as much as I wanted to; I wasn't about to let him get what he wanted so easily though.
"You're trying to avoid the subject…about before. I said I wanted to talk to you, and now you're distracting me."
He pressed his lips against my hand again. "Well, is it working?" he asked demurely.
My heart agreed, but I shook my head. "No. I want to talk to you."
"It's not working?" he said in mock horror.
I pressed my lips together to avoid smiling.
He let out a laugh, but kissed my hand once more. In a flash, he dropped my hand from his cheek and pushed against me so that my back was flat against the doorframe.
"Is it working now?" he said under his breath.
Even his scent was intoxicating. It hit my face, but I did all I could to remain calm. I just closed my eyes and turned my head away from him.
"Do what you can; it's never going to work."
"Oh, really?"
"Really."
Suddenly, his hand was under my shirt, just barely grazing the skin under my bellybutton. I nearly jumped.
"Even this?"
His hand slid up torso, grabbing me around the waist.
"Sky…" I protested. "You said you would talk to me." I was surprised by my strength. All I wanted to do was go on the couch in the tree house and do what we had done the last time we were there. However, I knew how stubborn Sky was and how persuasive he was.
Sky leant towards me and put his mouth against my earlobe. "We have all night," he whispered. "We can talk after."
My heart jumped at the thought, but I didn't let him see it. "You promise?"
"Yeah."
When he looked at me, he knew I was his. A sly smile crept across his lips and he knelt down towards me.
I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him as hard as I could.
Surprisingly, he flew all the way back so that his backside hit the opposite frame of the door.
"Hey! What the he--!"
He didn't have time to protest, because I flew at him, pressing my lips firmly against him.
Sky immediately responded. He picked me up, hitched my legs around his waist, and opened my mouth with his. I gasped against his teeth and dug my nails into his back, kissing him as hard as I could.
His mouth went from my lips to my neck to my collarbone.
"Oh, Sky," I groaned.
He placed my feet back on the ground and within three seconds my shirt was off. The second the cloth was over my head, Sky pressed his lips against mine. I began to lift his shirt off, my nails digging into his back. He moaned against my lips and helped me to get his shirt completely off. He threw it in the corner where mine was now lying.
We were now in the house. Sky had somehow opened the door while still managing to keep his hands on me. That was a talent of his that I was starting to like.
"Oh my God," I whispered as he rubbed his hand gently down my spine.
I felt him grin but his smile immediately vanished when I swept my hand across the contours of his chest.
He lifted me into his arms again, and I curled my arms around his neck. I threw my head back and gave out a huge laugh. "Why do we torture ourselves like this?" I cried out.
Sky chuckled lightly, but then pressed his lips against my exposed neck. I giggled and pushed his head back. "Don't do that! I'm ticklish!"
"Sorry," he whispered.
"It's okay."
We stood there in the dark, breathing heavily. I could see my pulse thudding against my chest. "You always make it so hard for me to breathe," I admitted.
He shrugged his shoulders. "I have that effect."
I lightly slapped his cheek. "Shut up."
"You know I'm just kidding." He rested his head against my chest, and I was almost nervous that he could hear my heart beat. "And you know that you do the same for me."
"Really, Sky?"
He grabbed my chin, which allowed him to stare right into my eyes. "Yes, really."
I never felt so alive in all my life, being in Sky's arms. Right at that moment, I felt whole, like he had a way of keeping me together. The reality of what was happening suddenly hit me, and tears suddenly sprung to my eyes.
"Corie."
His tone was gentle now, and I knew the teasing had stopped.
"It's nothing," I said, brushing at the corner of my eyes.
"Babe, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"Corie…"
"It's just…" And I realized I had no words. Sure, the guilt was part of it; I felt terrible that I was taking him away from this heavenly place, but at the same time, I knew that there was no life without Sky in it. I couldn't tell him what I was feeling, because even I didn't know what I was feeling.
" 'It's just' what?"
I looked at his round eyes and his freckled face. How could I have something this beautiful love me as much as I loved him?
"It's just that I love you so much." My voice broke off, and another tear dropped down my cheek.
Sky pushed my hair back and steadied my face between his hands. He was giving me an authoritative look, almost menacing. "I love you too. It hurts how much I love you."
"I know," I said.
"Then what's the matter?"
I was in his arms, holding him as tight as I could. And he was waiting for the moment. I knew I couldn't bring it up right then.
Our lips were touching again, and I could feel his hesitation in the kiss. When we parted, he opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.
"Don't." He closed his mouth but his eyes still held bewilderment. I kissed him on the cheek. "We'll talk about it after."
And with that, he tossed me onto the couch, following quickly afterwards. It only took a minute for us to get all of our clothes off, and we finally were able to do what we had been planning to do for the past two days.
"Wow."
"Yeah."
I was lying across Sky's chest, my heart racing rapidly. Every part of my body was on fire, but it was a delightful feeling. I ran my fingers through my hair, combing the sweat out of every strand. My legs were tingling as they entwined with Sky's. He sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead. I could see the beads of sweat dripping down the bridge of his nose and I grinned in satisfaction.
"That was a workout," I mumbled as I lightly kissed his collarbone.
"Yeah," was all Sky managed to get out.
I laughed and looked up at his face. "You okay?"
He nodded his head. "Yeah…I just need a moment. That last one wore me out."
I giggled and laid my head back down on my chest. "I understand."
We lay there for a moment in complete silence. The forest was the only noise we heard: crickets chirping their night lullaby, the wind ratting the leaves of the trees, and the toads of a nearby pond croaking in harmony. I closed my eyes and let Sky's heartbeat join the natural sounds. I let it all soak in: the noises, the smell, and the touch of Sky's hand trailing my bare back. It felt wonderful, too wonderful. I couldn't think of a moment where I had ever felt this free. And I wasn't self-conscious that Sky and I were completely naked in the open. I felt like I was fully clothed, more comfortable than I had ever felt.
After a couple minutes, I noticed Sky's heartbeat began to slow down. I looked up at him, biting my lip to hide my grin.
He noticed my movement and tilted his head towards me. "What?" he whispered.
"Wanna have another go?"
His eyes widened. "Another go?!" he cried out.
I laughed out loud. "I'm kidding!"
He sighed in relief and let his head fall on the pillow. "I thought you were serious for a moment. I was about to say, 'Haven't you noticed I'm nearly having a heart attack?'"
"Well, sorry you can't handle it."
He lightly slapped my back. "Sorry you've become a sex addict. Are you going to be like this when we go to America?"
At that, the smile left my face. I fell quiet.
"Corie?" Sky asked, his voice suddenly lined with concern. "What's wrong?"
I sighed. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Sky. You know…before, when I said we should discuss something."
"All right, go ahead."
I didn't know how to phrase it. It seemed as if the words were stuck in my throat. I knew that whatever I asked, Sky would say what I wanted to hear. If that was a good or bad thing, I wasn't quite sure.
"Corie, come on. If you're still upset about the man at the restaurant, we can talk about it."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess that's part of it."
" 'Part of it?'"
Tilting my head, I was able to look in his ever-glowing eyes. I wanted to find courage there, the strength to say what I wanted to say, but I just felt more vulnerable as his gaze met mine.
Like a child watching a horror movie, I squeezed my eyes shut.
Sky laughed.
"What is the matter with you? You're acting like we just met or something."
"Well, haven't we?" I whispered.
Sky's hand froze on my back. His tone was no longer light. "Corie, tell me what's the matter. You've been acting weird all day. I thought we wanted this last day in Neverland to be special."
"I do…I do," I said quickly.
"Then what is it?"
"It's just--." And I suddenly knew what to say. I saw his expression at the restaurant; I saw his tears when the Lost Boys presented their gift; I still felt his pain as he watched Peter's speech.
"Everything will be different," I said slowly, emphasizing each word. "I know that you already know that, but I am so scared the change will make you want something else. How can I be sure that you'll always be happy? How can I make you love me until the day one of us dies? What if something wrong happens? What if you can never fit in?"
"Corie—."
"No, let me finish.
"I want you to be happy forever. That is all I ever want for you. And you're happy here, and it scares me to think that maybe I won't be able to make you happy. Today at the restaurant…it scared me. I don't know what happened, but it was like something inside me went off like sirens. I got this feeling; I don't quite know how to explain it, but I felt like it was a warning or something.
"You love it here; it's what you're used to. I feel like I'm being selfish taking you away from your home. Why should I be the one to choose where we go? Why can't I stay here with you?"
Sky interrupted me at that. "You know what you can't stay here."
"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because you have a family! You have sisters, two parents, who absolutely adore you. How would you ever be able to leave them?! And I see your face whenever you tell me stories about your best friends. You love them to death; you wouldn't be able to get through everyday knowing that they're there supporting you. You have all that!
"Me? I have nobody! Absolutely nobody! I go through everyday wishing, hoping, and dreaming about the family that I will never know. That is the difference between you and me. If I had anyone to go to, you think I would stay here? Hell no! I have no reason to leave, because nobody loves me out there.
"I'm not about to tear you away from your family, Corie. Not for one second. If I had to choose living and knowing you're unhappy and dying, knowing you're happy, I would much rather choose death. Because your family needs you…they need you, and you know that."
"Doesn't your family need you?" I asked quietly, gently scratching his chest. "What about them?"
"I just told you--."
"I don't mean them, Sky. I mean the Lost Boys: Nibbs, Tootles, Slightly…Peter."
He was quiet. I was scared for a moment that he was mad, but when I looked up at him, his face had a torn expression. My heart immediately jumped.
"I'm sorry," I said, burying my face against the hollow of his neck. "I shouldn't have said anything."
It took only a couple seconds for him to start rubbing my back again. My heart rate decelerated as his touch left tingles against my skin.
"They understand, Corie. They know I want to go with you."
"…they do?"
"Yes."
I paused.
"—and Peter…"
"Peter has been like this once before: torn about leaving a woman he loved. I could see how much it hurt him to make a decision: either staying in Neverland, never to grow old with the woman he loved, or going with her, but never able to see his precious homeland again. He chose the other path…staying in Neverland." Sky looked right at me. "Even today, I can see the pain in his eyes whenever anyone says the name Wendy. I don't ever want to have that pain."
"But what about Ali? He has her now."
"Peter loves Ali, don't get me wrong. But…Wendy to Peter was like what you are to me. It's a love that only comes around once. Everyone could see it. The way he looked at her, the way he talked about her, it was like she was an angel from heaven. I had never seen him like that. He would do anything for her, except the one thing that really mattered."
"And what was that?"
"Grow up."
We were silent for a couple minutes, letting the night air rush though the door and envelop our naked bodies. My heart was beating fast against Sky's.
"And Corie?"
"Yeah."
"I'm ready to grow up now."