You and Me: Chapter 26
"And all other people and I don't know why"

Edward,

My eyes glazed over the first line of the letter. I still couldn't believe it. I half expected to walk outside of my room and see Bella rushing to the kitchen in her towel trying to check on something in the oven. But she wasn't going to because Bella was gone. And it was my fault apparently.

Edward,

Did I want to read this? I mean I was sure this would answer a lot of questions I had accumulated over the past two weeks of her being gone, but it would also give me the answer to things I didn't want to know. I had tried to keep Bella out of my mind for the past two weeks, and was hardly succeeding. I tried to act like I wasn't affected by her leaving, that I couldn't care less about what she wanted to do with her life because she had left us. And it worked for the first few days…I had actually fooled myself into thinking that I could go back to the way things were. Then it would be the smallest things that would cause me to stop like pouring cereal into a pot, or going to knock on her door. I hadn't really gone into her room since she left. I knew I'd be faced with our hand prints staring at me and forming into an eschewing middle finger. Was I going to have to paint over it? Somehow I knew that wasn't going to help. I could try and cover up what I didn't want to see, but I'd always know it was lying underneath, every incriminating fingerprint.

Edward,

How was this my fault? Bella couldn't take the fact that I wasn't in love with her so she runs away? Did nobody else think this was slightly childish? I could understand Alice being upset because she's infatuated with the idea of me being in love with Bella, but the others… I thought they had a little more sense than that.

I groaned and leaned my head on my knees, the fluttering of the letter in my hand reminding me it was there.

Edward,

And just who does Alice think she is? Of course I'm going to miss what's gone because I love Bella as a friend…as family and I'd miss anyone of my family members going away. Just like how I'd miss her if she decided to move all the way back to Forks. I mean I treated Bella like she was a sister, and they're acting as if I made her out to be my lover. I did everything with her that I would do with Alice, tell her secrets, hug her, kiss her forehead…kiss her neck.

OK, so maybe I did like her a bit. She was admittedly funny, and witty, and was stubborn as hell. Bella also made the best food, and food was the key to any man's insides.

Edward,

And Bella was hot. That didn't mean I was head over heels for her. Bella was hot, but Victoria was sexy. Even though Victoria was kind of a stick in the mud sometimes…or a stick up somewhere else, but at least Victoria and I never fought. Bella and I were almost always bickering over the stupidest things like what channel to watch or which hand soap scent to buy (she claimed that anything flowery gave her an overwhelming frolicking feel that she didn't like, and I tried explaining that fruity soaps were for girls hands to which she said that flowers were girly –but more men had freesias on their hands then marvelous mango, anyways, I think the points been gotten) and I often found myself flustered with her.

Edward,

Ugh this is no use. I had to answer to Victoria's text sometime. Don't get me wrong, I really liked her, it was just that she didn't even seem to care that I was distraught over Bella's leaving. It could be a jealousy thing… or it could be the fact the Victoria and Bella never got along.

Hey Vick :o)

My phone vibrated almost immediately.

I IM'd you about fifteen minutes ago, where are you?

I nearly snorted at the difference between Bella's texts and Victoria's texts. Victoria was always so proper in the way that she type whereas Bella's messages were normally illegible. I guess my typing style was closer to Bella's, but at Victoria's request I typed properly on the full keyboard.

Sorry, my phone wasn't with me. What's up?

Never one for hesitating, her text came back in under the minute,

I was wondering if you wanted to catch dinner this weekend. Are you available?
You're only free on the weekend? I sent.
I wasn't aware you wanted to see me sooner, she replied.
…I like seeing you in general, I didn't know I had to ask.
Oh, well that's sweet, Edward I have to go, I'll see you this weekend ok?
Ok, I typed back.
Bye,
Bye Victoria.

"Well that went well," I sighed and flopped back on the ground, "Great, now I'm talking to myself."

"Daddy," Auden walked into the room, "Daddy."

"Sure, bud, you can come in," I rolled my eyes, "You know Auden, you should really knock before you come in because Daddy could be-"

Doing what? Having sex with your girlfriend? I'd probably have to ask her first,

"What's up," I sighed.

"Where's Bell," he asked for the umpteenth time.

And for the umpteenth time I answered, "On vacation."

"Why," Auden asked.

"Because," I said, "She wanted to go on vacation."

He grumbled something along the lines of 'when is she coming back.'

"I don't know bud," I pulled him into my arms, "But I'm sure she misses you."

Auden frowned, "Was I bad," he asked.

I raised a brow, "Why would you say that Auden?"

"Because Bell left," he explained, "Was I bad?"

"No," I pressed a kiss to his forehead, "You're my nicest, best son ever."

Granted you're my only son, but I don't need to add that.

"Bestest?" Auden checked.

I couldn't help but laugh, "Yah Auden," I chuckled, "the bestest."

Bella's Point of View

I'd been here for three weeks and I couldn't take the stench of beer anymore. I didn't know how I'd taken it sleeping on this blasted, rotting couch for so long, but today I was going to put an end to it. Billy and his house needed a new start.

"Billy, you're going out," I told the man who was half dosing half paying attention to the TV, "Enough watching the traveling station and do a bit of traveling."

"And just where," he grumbled, "pray tell, am I'm traveling to."

"Sue Clearwater's house," I replied, "because Leah and I are going to clean out your house."

"No you're not," he said, "I like it."

"No you don't, you just like being lazy," I shut off the TV, "Now I promise not to throw away anything important, but some stuff has got to go."

"Why are you doing this all of a sudden," Billy asked, "you don't need to."

"Jake's anniversary is coming up tomorrow, and you need a fresh start. So later we're going to sort his room," I said, "and I want to."

Billy's face mirrored carved stoned, "I can't go through his room, Bella. I don't know what'll happen to me."

I picked up his stiff hand, "You've already felt the pain of losing him, nothing else can feel worse. Plus, I'll be there right with you crying."

Billy nodded, "Alright, alright. Wheel me to Sue's. Maybe I can even get a nice hair cut."

"Atta boy," I smiled and hefted the wheel chair over the threshold, "Maybe you could lose some weight too."

"That tongue is all yours too," Billy grumbled, "Neither Charlie or Renee was as sharp as you."

"Got it all from Jacob," I chuckled, "And he learned from the master."

The cold wind of La Push gnawed at my nose as I pushed Billy over to the Clearwater's. I eyed the place I'd gotten familiar with over the past few weeks. The rocks hardly fazed me as I ran or walked across them, and I'd finally gotten used to everyone in the community knowing my name even though I'd never formally met them. I had to remind myself that I had been somewhat of a celebrity, so the younger generation was bound to know who I was.

Billy on the other hand had seen nothing of my performances. A normal to the traveling channel, he never heard any mainstream news and didn't like to partake in any juicy gossiping of the celebrities. Leah on the other hand asked me constant questions about celebrities I'd met or places in Hollywood. She and I had made somewhat of a bond over the past few weeks. We shared tears and stories, bitter words and apologies, and our witty crassness seemed to be balanced when we were together. Leah still had the intimidation to make a grown man cry, but I'd learned, just like I had with Rosalie that there were always two sides to a person.

With the mention of her name comes the pang of sadness. I missed the Cullens dreadfully. I missed the way Emmett would swing open the door too loud and Rosalie would slap him upside the head. Or the way Alice would tackle me with a hug at the most inappropriate times and Jasper would have to peel her off. And I longed for one of my 'SpongeBob eat popsicles until your tongue grows blue' sessions with Auden at odd hours of the night. And Edward…I just missed Edward. I wondered if they even missed me, or whether they despised me for leaving. I'd understand if Auden hated me for sure. I had just promised to be his best friend, and in less than 24 hours I left without saying goodbye.

"Bella," Billy said, "In order for them to know we're here, you have to knock. I don't know how they did it in Hollywood, but this requires moving."

"And you wonder where I got my tongue from," I rolled my eyes before rapping my knuckles against the wooden door.

"Well if it isn't the hermit outside of his shell," Sue smiled as she leaned down to kiss Billy's cheek. I could have sworn I saw Billy blush, "Hello Bella. You coming in?"

"Oh no, I was just dropping off Billy," I returned the smile, "If you don't mind could you send Leah in?"

"Of course," she said as she wheeled Billy inside, "Leah!"

"I'm right here," Leah wore the usual scowl on her face as she came out of the kitchen, "This house isn't even 1 squared centimeter you don't need to shout."

Sue rolled her eyes, more than used to her daughters antics, "Have fun you two."

"Whatever," Leah replied as she began walking ahead of me.

"Hey, Sue, how about a little loving," Billy chuckled as I walked away from the house.

"Behave yourself you old dog," I called, "See ya!"

"I swear for a fifty year old man he's sure got game," I chuckled as I fell in step with Leah.

"And she just eats it up," she rolled her eyes.

"It bothers you doesn't it," I asked her.

"A bit," she shrugged, "But I know Billy would take care of her. Well, as much as a man in a wheel chair can take care of her."

"I wouldn't be judging Billy's capabilities," I shook my head, "he's sure got a lot of spunk in him."

Leah smirked, "Enough to pass down a generation and then some."

"I always used to tell Jake he was way too much like his father," I snorted.

"What did he say?" she asked.

"That I was way too much like a grandma," I rolled my eyes, "but that's Jake for you."

She actually chuckled, "He used to say that when my mom took a pregnancy test it came out blue because I was so unpleasant."

I laughed at this, "What did you say to that?"

"Nothing," Leah shrugged, "I broke his nose."

"So that was the argument," I continued laughing, "Come on, we have a few thing to do."

Leah and I worked meticulously through the heaps and towers of trash and hoarded belongings. Anything that could hold even the slightest or remote amount of meaning I put it in its place and made sure to ask Billy about it later. We cleared through the dishes and swept out the rooms (with a purchased broom because God forbid Billy owned a cleaning material) until the floor wasn't covered with a thin membrane of dust. On all things not Jacob Billy was a pretty open guy, so I didn't think he'd mind if Leah and I cleared things in his room. After all there wasn't anything really personal in there. Besides a few pictures of him and Jacob or him and Jacob's deceased mother there was only clothes and fishing knickknacks.

I made sure to hide the beer so that I would only be able to monitor how much Billy was taking in a day. Leah laughed at my antics, telling me that nothing could stand between Billy and his beer. She told me how Seth had once tried to get him to go to an AA meeting and Billy had responded by keeping a shotgun near his chair for when Seth tried to get inside the house.

"He acts like he hates him," Leah chuckled, "but I know Seth is helping with the void Jacob left behind. And it's nice that Seth has some sort of father figure to look up to."

"Yah, Billy has always been the closest thing to a father for me since Charlie died," I said, "He knows just how to handle us."

"You should of heard Billy bust his cap when Seth told him he was engaged," Leah said, "Had this whole elaborate talk about sex and respecting women. Seth's eyes were wider than the wheels on Billy's chair after that."

"I got the sex talk from Jacob as awkward as that sounds," I told her, "I mean Renee had passed when I was too young to get it and so had Charlie. So Jake stepped in. It was very…odd."

"Did he give you any visuals," Leah waggled her brows.

I threw a pillow at her, "You raunchy girl. I bet you just want a description of his manly bits."

"Oh please," she scoffed, "I loved Jacob, but not in that way. Love, I mean, not loved."

"I know," I said, "I catch myself too with the whole past tense thing. Some things just carry on."

"You know," Leah said as she shoved a box onto the closet shelf, "You're the only person I talk so much about him to."

"You too," I agreed, "I think it's easier that we're in the same position. I can't feel like you pity me because that'd mean you pity yourself."

"Ugh, I hate that damn look people give me sometimes," she threw something a bit violently, "Poor Leah, no father. Poor Leah, no best friend…Poor Leah, stuck to take care of Billy."

"Poor Bella, an orphan," I joined in, "Poor Bella, breaks down crying in supermarkets."

"You think that's bad," she chuckled without humor, "what about running out of college lectures?"

"How about hyperventilating in a magazine interview," I tried.

"You win," she actually chuckled, "I read about that."

"Yah," I nodded, "So did the rest of America."

"In my opinion she was digging way too deep into your personal life," Leah pointed out.

"Try telling that to her during the interview," I huffed, "I think…I think we're done here."

Leah straightened up and surveyed the room, "It looks transformed."

I chuckled, "It looks like a room that humans can live in."

I held up my hand for a cliché high five. Leah rolled her eyes and left me hanging to go and get cups of water.

"So you're really going into Jakes room tonight," she called from the kitchen.

I glanced at the one doorknob we hadn't touched, "Yah. I'm planning on it. Did you want to…um, help us?"

"Nah," she returned with the glasses and handed me one. I nodded in thanks, "I don't think I could do that. Plus, I think it's something you and Billy need to do alone."

"Thanks," I said, "Are you going to that big campfire this weekend?"

"Are you going," she asked as she glugged at the contents of the cup.

"Well I'm flattered," I batted my lashes, "Yah I am. Seth wants me to sing a song a cappella."

"I'll see then," she shrugged before patting me on the shoulder, "Later Bella. Good luck with the room."

"What, no hug," I joked as she strode out the door.

I gave Billy a little bit more time to relax at Sue's house before bringing him back over. In the mean time, I prepared us dinner out of the newly cleaned and oddly spacious kitchen. It was back to the way it had been when I'd spend the night by Jake's and we'd stay up late talking while I baked. I could feel the hurt forming in my heart as I thought of it. Talking to Leah about him was much easier than thinking about him while I was alone. With Leah there was a casual air to the way we talked about him, but alone… alone I was left with the void and dreadful seriousness of it all. I never knew if I was getting better. I knew that now I was much farther than I had been when I was standing on the chapel's roof. But sometimes it still felt as if I would just topple over the edge of sanity like that night I was in Edward's back yard and pass out from the weight of it all.

I didn't know what was going to happen tonight. I didn't know if we'd actually reach past the threshold of Jacob's room or if we'd end up in the depths of it, brave and willing to conquer anything we came across. Tomorrow in itself was a different matter. It was odd how one date could affect you marginally. Technically there was no difference between today and tomorrow physically. Tomorrow would be cold and wet, the sea would be black, the skies would be grey, and the jagged shoreline would still remain. But to me, and many other hearts in this village, the sea would seem just a little red, the clouds would be crying and the faces of the cliffs would be frowning. The teeth of the shoreline would seem sharper, and be hated. They had taken away one of our own.

I made Harry Clearwater's famous fish fry as a little treat for Billy. I'd found the recipe stashed deep within a cupboard, and held onto it, knowing that even if Billy had forgotten it was there, he would be devastated to find it thrown away.

Around eight o'clock I picked him back from the Clearwater's. I passed a hand through his short black hair,

"What happened to the locks grandpa," I snickered.

"Told you I was cutting 'em off," Billy laughed, "I like this idea of change."

"Hm," I hummed, "Somehow I think Sue did a little bit more than cut your hair."

"A kind woman she is," he nodded, "Gave me a pep talk about taking on Jacob's room."

"So you're ready," I raised a brow, "You don't want to eat dinner first?"

"Nope," he shook his head, "I need the high from Sue pep talk…and gin. Plus, the worse this could do is kill me right?"

I rolled my eyes, "Don't be so dramatic."

I might have chastised him playfully, but inside my heart was thrumming. We both stared at the inanimate door, as if challenging it to harm us. I knew exactly what was behind that door; a blue bed, a couple of footballs, a closet full of old clothes, and a table full of picture frames. So why was I so scared to see what I already knew?

"Would you like to do the honors," Billy asked.

I wrapped my hand around the knob, the metal searing my flesh. I pushed open the door with shut eyes, and then finally, finally took a step inside.

The first thing I noticed was the smell of Jacob, wrapping around me, kissing me, and rooting me to the spot. Every sense of mine was heightened. Smell, Jacob's scent; sight, every small detail of his room; touch, the doorknob still gripped in my hand; taste, the taste of tears on my tongue; and hearing, Billy's sobs from behind me.

"Sh," my voice sounded odd, foreign and detached, "Billy don't cry."

"Thank you," his broken voice sounded, "Thank you for coming back Bella. Thank you for bringing me in here. I needed this."

"You're welcome," I whispered, "but I can't do this tonight. I think this is as far as I can go."

Billy nodded, "Bella, if you could do me a big favor. The last thing I'll ask of you I promise."

"I don't ever mind doing things for you," I shooed him off, "What do you need?"

"Just get my pills," he chuckled, "I have a horrible headache…and, if you could just help me into his bed. I'd like to spend my time in here."

"Sure Billy, anything," I said as I left to go and get him what he requested.

My hands were shaking as I searched for Billy's prescribed drugs. I pulled a water bottle from out of the fridge and took a moment to rest against the counter. It was exactly how I thought it would be, but the feelings were thankfully less. I was sure I would break down in tears from entering his room, so as I wiped away a few strays I was pleasantly surprised. I just hopped Billy felt better in the morning. He was being brave though, staying in Jacob's room for the night. I'd have to help him into and out of the bed because unlike his own room Jacob's didn't have rails for him. I returned to see Billy wheeled by the bed. I lay down the pill bottle and water and began to move Billy's legs out of the chair.

"You see why you need to lose weight," I joked as I shifted his weight onto me, "Gah Billy, you weigh a ton."

I expected to hear his laugh, but it didn't come. He must be a tired.

Finally, after much heaving and straining I hefted him onto the bed and got him tucked in. The table was in reach of him so whenever he was ready he could just lean over and grab the pills.

"Your father would say the same thing," he mused quietly, "He and your mother would be so proud of you Bella. I'm glad Jacob chose you."

I smiled, "Thank you," I pressed a kiss to his forehead, "Have a good night Billy."

"Nayeli, daughter" he whispered as he patted my hair.

"Love you too," I squeezed his hand and left the room.

As I lay on the couch my body emptied itself of tears and distress. Tomorrow would be a hard day, but at least I had the consolation of accomplishing a minor feat.

...

I knew today was different, but not for the reason I thought it would be. Instead of the dreary picture I'd painted before, outside was bright; too bright. My eyes throbbed at the rays, protesting at the large amounts of light being allowed into my receptors. I squinted, and viewed the world through my half vision. Sometimes I pretended that when I squinted, only half the responsibilities, distresses and troubles could penetrate through my lids. The image I could see was half reality, and the other half was the world seen distortedly through my eyelashes. But there was only so long that my eyes could stay squinted because eventually, the substance would filter through. And the realization that I had to go through another day of ups and downs had already seeped in. I stretched my limbs and waited for something. I didn't know what exactly, but I was waiting. With the other half of the world waiting on the outside of my eyelids, I stopped the ridiculous action and went to go and get Billy up.

I trailed to his room before remembering that he had slept in Jacob's. I changed my direction and headed for the room I'd run away from the night before. I knocked, and waited for Billy to answer. He didn't.

There was something I called the Fridge Scenario. The Fridge Scenario is when you go and check somewhere you checked just seconds earlier because you expect to find what you are looking for. We humans, no matter how intelligent we claim to be, find ourselves in this scenario quite often. You know when you come home from school, or work, (or your mother's couch), and you go to the fridge to see if there's anything you want to eat? And then, close the fridge realizing (with great disappointment and probably the thought 'there's never anything in this house to eat) that there's nothing in there appealing to you? And then, you turn around, and look back in the fridge to see if something (magically) materialized in the second it took for you to turn back around? That, and anything like it, is the Fridge Scenario. I found myself in this very scenario when I looked into the kitchen for the third time to see if Billy was there.

"Billy?" I called, and knocked on the door.

Nothing…Maybe he's still sleeping?

I decided to give him a bit more time of sleep. Last night had been draining. Sitting down and clicking through the mundane channels I finally understood why Billy stayed on the traveling channel. It was probably the most exciting thing on.

At ten o'clock I thought it time to wake him up. He normally woke up much earlier, but I guess the night's events had its toll. I knocked on the door again.

"Billy, you awake?"

No reply.

Creaking the door open, I smiled when I saw his sleeping form still fully under the blankets. I snickered; he was cute sleeping. Billy is such a tender old man.

I shook his shoulder through the duvet, "Wake up, old guy, it's time for a new day."

He remained soundly, deep, deep, in sleep.

"Billy," I shook his shoulder, "Come on, don't let me get Seth."

I peeled back the blanket. His eyes were closed, so peaceful, so unaware, deep, deep, in sleep.

I touched his cheek, thinking that this would wake him up. It didn't, it wouldn't, it couldn't. I screamed. The answer as to what I had been waiting for was very apparent. Since I woke up, I had been anticipating an onslaught of numbness to bury me. Finally it did, luring me into its deceiving arms and cradling me in a ball. I let the limbs of the numbness wrap around and hush my hysteria. Shh, it whispered, stroking my eyelids with its heavy touch, and forcing them to shut. It rocked me as the world went black while Billy remained deep, deep, in sleep.

(Shout outs to: M-IsForMusic6 & Sam)

Thanks for reading!

~Christie Hart