CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
HOLLYWOOD, PT. 1
"Wow…"
"So THIS is Hollywood…"
"Wow…"
"Wow…"
"Wow."
"Woooow."
"Wooooowww!"
"So THIS is Hollywood."
"Oh, I did miss this place, there really is no place like it."
"…it's been a while since I was here."
"You were here in Hollywood?"
"Oh yes. I was here…but, heh…that was a long time ago…"
Jackie and Captain Black had arrived in Hollywood by helicopter and were now in the middle of West Hollywood, looking at the many beautiful buildings, the hundreds of people walking around, everything just was overwhelmingly pretty and beautiful. Hollywood…where people treat each other right.
However, it WAS West Hollywood, that was a fact that they couldn't escape.
Which meaaaant…
"Oh, hello sweetie!"
Jackie looked a bit flustered as a man wearing S&M style clothing with a black beret and large sunglasses walked up to him. He was walking a poodle. "How ya doing?"
"Uh…fine…"
"Welcome to West Hollywood! It's such a super fabulous day, isn't it?" The man said. He took his sunglasses off. His tone was so unbelievably "fabuloouuuus" that there wasn't a doubt in the mind of anyone listening that he was gay.
But Jackie HAD to ask.
"Uh…you're a…homosexual, right?"
"Sure thing, sweetie. I'm a fag, through and through. Name's John." He held out his hand. Jackie shook it, a bit unnerved by the man's giddiness.
It WAS though, West Hollywood, the center of the "Gayborhood" and called "Disneyland for Homosexuals". It was a "gay village", an undeniable fact.
"So…what's it like, being…um…you know…"
"Honey, just say it! We've learned to! You're not a hater, are you?"
"What? No!" Jackie insisted.
"Well if you really want to know how we feel, allow us all to tell you…in sooooong!"
BGM: I'm Gay, by Bowling For Soup
John suddenly pulled out a guitar from seemingly nowhere, and he grinned, playing it with gusto. "Honey, this f—king song is all personality!"
A large crowd of people suddenly rushed out onto the street to see the whole thing, and three other homosexual people popped up behind John. One grinned at his playing.
"Dude, that's the s—t!"
One went on bass guitar, one on drums, another on a different guitar and John on lead guitar. Someone put a microphone stand in front of them with some amps and they got underway! One, two, three, four!
Well we've all heard about how the guys in the band
weren't the popular kids in schooooool…
And now you hate your parents 'cause of the way you turned out,
But in the end the blame's on you!
And we all sympathize with your torn-apart heart,
and your really artistic worldly views!
It sells records when you're sad these days,
it's super cool to be mad these days!
John's friend Ryan spoke up. "I think rock and roll is really funny when it's seriouuuus!"
Don't hate us 'cause we're happy!
Don't hate us 'cause we're beautifuuuuul!
Don't hate us if we make you smile!
Or if we go…the extra mile…
To make someone feel better on a really shitty day,
And if you're hearing what I'm saying then I want you to say…
"I'm gay!" (I'm gay!)
Say, "I'm gay!" (I'm gay!)
The crowd began to dance around, whooping and hollering. Jackie looked at Black, who shrugged. It was like Nick said…go with it!
John "ah-hemed". "It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!"
Ryan spoke up now. "It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!"
"New guys? You wanna join in?"
"Uh…okay." Jackie said.
"Sure." Black said.
"It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!"
"It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!" They recited after John.
"Very Nice. Very Nice."
Don't hate us 'cause we're happy! Don't hate us 'cause you're miserablllllle!
Don't hate us if we make you smile, or if we go the extra mile…
To make someone feel better on a really shitty day
And if you're hearing what I'm saying then
I want to hear you say, "I'm gay!" (I'm gay!)
Say, "I'm gay!" (I'm gay!)
John beamed at Jackie and Black as the crowd cheered and hollered at a very loud and ecstatic level.
"That's right, sweeties! Cheer up! You don't have to be sad anymore! You don't have to be mad anymore! We can all join hands and do ring around the rosy, honey! In fact, can we can get some "La la"s up in here?"
Ryan sang out. "It sells records when you're sad these days, it's super cool to be mad these days! I think rock and roll is really funny when it's seriouuuuus!"
"Yo, where my "La la"s at!?!" John asked.
The crowd suddenly joined hands and rocked back and forth, singing.
La la-la la, la-la la-la
La la la la…
La la-la la, la-la la-la
La la la la…
La la-la la, la-la la-la
La la la la…
La la-la la, la-la la-la
La la la la…
La la-la la, la-la la-la…
Eventually the song ended, and the crowd let out a final whoop before dispersing and heading back to where they'd been, including the band members.
Jackie stood there, mouth slightly open, blinking a few times. "Right." Captain Black said once all had calmed down enough. He held up one of his credentials, a police badge that glittered in the sun. "Name's Captain Black. I'm-"
"Oh!" John suddenly looked very scared. He flatted himself against a nearby telephone pole. "Don't hit me! I didn't mean to kick that abortion clinic woman! She just got me so mad and…and please don't arrest me for assault! And I swear, I had nothing to do with that bombing at Planned Parenthood! That was Larry! I'll tell you everything, he's this red-headed cable guy…"
"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" Captain Black said. "Relax! I'm just looking for a piece of an artifact that might have touched down in Hollywood."
John blinked a few times. "Touched down? You mean like a meteor "touches down", that kind of touching down? Or the other-"
"The meteor touching down."
John smiled. "Oh, then I can help you with that…and the other touching down, I can help you with-"
"I'm not gay."
"Oh, okay...well finding what you're looking for is no problem!..." He hesitated. "Well…actually…there's kind of a problem…it landed up somewhere you're not supposed to approach."
"Where's that?" Black asked.
John pointed across Hollywood Boulevard. His finger was pointing straight at a large white word that was spelled out in big white letters on a huge hill that overlooked all of Hollywood. The Hollywood Sign.
Jackie thanked the man and walked off. "Ohh, bad day, bad day. How are we going to get up there? We'll need clearance from security."
"I'm with Section 13. We have more clearance than GOD."
"You can't go up."
"WHAT!?!"
The mayor of West Hollywood simply wouldn't let them up to the sign. He shook his head as he sat behind his desk. "Look, that area is off limits! To EVERYONE! Not even someone with your level of clearance can go in! The entire city's under a lot of stress at the moment and-"
"From what?"
The mayor sighed deeply, brushing his comb over back. "Look, there have been…attacks…retaliation, we believe, for San Fran. Many have died and people are being blamed…minorities. Minorities like…gay people and it's like the wrath of some unseen force is punishing us for the vices we've engaged in here."
"Okay, okay, we understand, we will…just take our leave." Jackie said. He and Captain Black began to walk out of the office.
"WAIT!" The mayor called out.
They turned around.
"Look, I…to tell the truth, I want to let you go up there. But there's so much that could go wrong, and I need some security, some assurance that the violence will settle. If you could reduce it in some way, I'd…be happy to let you go up there."
"Reduce it how?" Captain Black asked.
The mayor pulled out a folder from his desk and tossed it to Jackie, who caught it with one hand and opened it up. "That's the local abortion clinic, "Planned Parenthood" of West Hollywood. It's large, popular and friendly and has been under attack by snipers and bombers for a long time. Now the attacks are getting worse. A violent pro-life group named the "Christians Outraged at Child Killers" are continuing to not only protest outside Planned Parenthood and throw the occasional rock and brick at the clinic and its workers, but they will also…"
"Resort to more hostile measures." Black finished. "Well, if we do something about them, will you let us up to that sign?"
"But of course." The mayor said. "To be truthful, I…I plan to…to marry someone there. And I worry for her safety. So I have a…personal reason. Will you do this?"
Jackie and Black looked at each other, then nodded.
"Mr. Mayor…count on us." Black said.
MEANWHILE…BACK AT SAN FRAN…
Mr. Ernest Goldberg was not having a good day. Again.
There were eighteen bazillion reporters in the museum and in his office, all asking if there was any sort of connection between the various attacks that had been taking place and the theft and later on destruction of a golden bell the museum had acquired. He usually answered this questions with "No comment", but had eventually gotten fed up.
Having locked the front door at his house, he heard someone banging on it. MORE newsies. Luckily, thanks to some time spent surfing the net, he'd found inspiration in an online story written by a "Magus253"…
He wrenched the door open, jumped out, and waved his hands wildly in the air, sticking his tongue out and making his eyes go round and round as he wore a fake wig. "BLAH! I'M THE EVIL DR. WILY! RUN BEFORE MY ROBOTS EAT YOU!"
BAM! ROWR!
A cat promptly whacked him in the face. The old lady holding onto said cat walked back to her other "pretties" that were in a shopping cart, looking satisfied. "See babies? I TOLD you that eventually it would work!"
Mr. Goldberg wished he could go play on his fishing boat. He really liked his boat.
Elsewhere…
"I could…no…or maybe…no…"
Nick was pacing up and down. What to do, what to do? He knew deep down that he ought to tell the others about what had happened to him…I mean, it wasn't often that you fought with YOURSELF…or beat the crap out of yourself in doing so!
But then again, didn't everyone have enough to deal with?
"Maybe…ohhhh! Darn it, darn it, darn it!" Nick groaned, banging his head against the wall. Sandi walked in, and blinked stupidly. "Uh…like, what on EARTH are you doin'?"
"Oh, just banging my head against the wall until the world makes sense!" Nick almost yelled.
"Well, that'll take years." Sandi said calmly. "Now come on little Nicky! Let's go play a game!"
Nick blinked. "What kind of game?" He asked in a slightly stupid tone of voice.
MEANWHILE…
"One, two, three, now!"
"BABY-KILLERS, BABY-KILLERS, MOTHERF—KING BABYKILLERS! YOU SIN AGAINST THE WORLD, YOU ARE SINNING AGAINST GOD!"
"Keep shouting! Let that message sink in! God is with us! Death to the baby-killers!"
Jackie and Captain Black watched from outside of a nearby bar as a HUGE crowd of angry-looking women and men jumped up and down, spat, swore and shouted anti-abortion slogans, tossing in lots of references to "God's word" and using the phrase "baby-killers" over and over again.
Black rubbed his eyes. "This might take some serious work." He said. "But we've got to do it." Jackie said. "We can't let ourselves be afraid."
"Hey there, sexy!" A tough-looking, bearded, sweaty, jacketed biker said, walking up to Jackie. "Man, have you got such a tight ass! I'd love to buy you a drink at-"
"We would love to talk but we have to go now thank you!" Jackie said quickly, dragging Captain Black outside of the bar.
They were about to walk right into the clinic when someone pointed at them. "HEY! Where do think you're going?"
Jackie blinked. "To talk to the nice people inside." He said simply.
"You two a couple?" A redneck-looking red-haired cable guy asked. He was wearing shorts. Pink shorts. And he had a "Juicy" t-shirt on.
"Uh, no…" Jackie said, sweat-dropping.
"Betcha you are! F-ggots!"
"F-GGOTS!"
"Okay, it has been very nice talking to you but we have to go now." Jackie and Black walked inside the abortion clinic, where a frazzled-looking secretary was looking out the window. She had a black eye and blue glasses and brown hair. She didn't look like she'd been sleeping well.
"How can I help you?" She asked in as nice a tone as she could muster. "You're not with the protestors are you? One time they came in here and I had to take an axe to 'em."
Jackie looked a bit scared of her, but spoke. "Uh, we've been sent by the mayor to talk to-"
"Mayor McDaniels? Oh, he's such a sweetie! He and I are dating!"
"Oh, so YOU'RE the one he was talking about." Jackie realized.
"Oh, he talked about me? That is so sweet-oh, uh…I mean…you're here to do something about those rioters outside? We keep getting aggravated all the time, and the police never really seem to be able to keep them away…one came in with a chainsaw, a CHAINSAW! Heh…but I took care of him!"
"HEY! BABY-KILLERS!"
"Uh oh, one of 'em's got a brick!" The secretary shouted.
The window in front of them looked new, which was too bad, because a moment later a brick came sailing through it. Jackie reacted quickly, jumping up and kicking it back out. It struck the man who threw it on the knee and he howled, jumping up and down.
"Hey a--hole! What do you think you're doing?!?" Someone shouted, and a bunch of people in the crowd moaned.
"Stopping you from hurting innocent people!" Jackie shouted back.
"Go back to your homes!" Captain Black shouted. "What you're doing is illegal! You're disturbing the peace, destroying public property, there's an assault charge on the one who threw the brick…"
"HEY! BABY-KILLERS!" Someone suddenly shouted.
The crowd parted, revealing a man standing there with what was obviously a shotgun. The secretary dove down under her desk. Jackie and Black gasped.
"Abort this." He snarled, cocking the gun.
Meanwhile, far away, also in West Hollywood…
Valmont and King had ALSO arrived by helicopter. But their experience in Hollywood was very different…
"Bloody hell!" Valmont swore as he tore down the street with King right behind him. "Get back here you little sodding wanker!"
Someone had stolen his wallet from out of his back pocket, but now he was chasing the guilty party down, utterly furious. Valmont looked SCARY when he was mad, his blue eyes narrowed in hate, features twisted angrily, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles looked ready to burst, and he was grinding his teeth. King shook his head. "I wish they wouldn't run." He said. He was still wearing his cloak, but now the hood was up. Yeah, he looked weird, but this was Hollywood. Weird was pretty common here.
The kid vanished into a nearby alley across from a warehouse. Valmont leapt up into the air, grabbed the side of the alley and twisted into it, flying through the air and landing right on the kid, piling on him. He pulled the wallet from the kid's hands and stood up, spitting. "Gotcha, ya c—k sucking little prig! And don't you ever take my bleeding wallet from me, you got that?!?"
"You care too much for money." King said as the kid ran down the alley, screaming. Valmont dusted himself off. "Hey, unlike you, good sir, I value the power of-"
"Wait…" King held up his hand. "I sense something…something with a great miasma of evil…in that warehouse." They snuck up to the window and listened in, peeking through curtains that had been put up.
"So that's the plan?"
"Yeah, those protestors are going to launch a suicide bombing attempt tomorrow. Once the clinic has been blasted to smithereens, then the 1st part shall be in place. And best of all, that Jackie Chan and Augustus Black shall be blown up as well."
"Ha-ha-ha! What fools they were, thinking they could stop us! And those anti-abortion idiots are almost as dumb. Pretty good charismatic work, Lillith, that piece of s—t tear jerker you told them when we got here sure got the job done."
"Well, hypnotic charms are my thing."
"You've got to teach ME how to manipulate hearts by voice alone…"
"You need a sexy body, honey. Like mine. I mean, you look like a kid…"
"Well anyway, I've heard that they sent Mammon over to Transylvania, he's got contacts there."
"Are they trustworthy?"
"Yeah, and hot! Only one of them's kind of…well…"
"Oh, I know who you're talking about! Yeah, Aleera's had kids."
"I didn't know she was expecting."
"Helloooo? You saw her last week at her husband's castle! Did you think her stomach stuck out like that naturally?"
"…"
"Oh f—k. What did you say to her?"
"Uh…well, I'd first like to point out that Jenny Craig's probably a very common name…"
Valmont gasped. "W-who are those things?"
"Lillith, Lord Demon of Lust. Leviathan, Lord Demon of Envy. And that small child is Satan, Lord Demon of Wrath." King told him in a horrified yet furious tone. "Their kind disgusts me to the core. They seem to have no shame at all in the things they do, and if they do feel any, they certainly don't show it."
The three demons were all standing inside the warehouse, pointing at a map and talking excitedly. Valmont furrowed his brow in thought.
"It sounds like they're planning to blow up an abortion clinic." Valmont said. He had no real opinion either way about abortion itself. He just stayed out of political issues and such. "But hmm…Jackie Chan and Augustus Black in danger, now that's a reason-"
"TO get involved. I will not allow my chosen to be harmed if I can help it. Nor will I allow such a travesty to take place under my watch." King cracked his knuckles. "We're going to need to help them out-"
"Sir, sir!"
A huge group of men carrying automatic weapons, okay, totally LOADED with automatic weapons, came into view. They approached Satan. "We just received word that the demon you were worried about, that "King" thing, is here, with a Mr. Valmont. He's right here in West Hollywood."
Lillith groaned. "Oh, I'm so depressed."
"Want some rebound sex?" Satan asked. Lillith immediately perked up. "Woohoo! Alright, I'll go get the stuff. But this time YOU have to be the Blair Witch B---h and I get to use the whip!"
Valmont blinked. "What the?" The guards...their eyes had briefly flashed red. Strange.
"They've signed their souls away!" King gasped. "We'll never be able to outfight all of them, we've got to get-"
Suddenly there was an ENORMOUS chill that rippled through their bodies, piercing their very souls and hearts. Valmont let loose a rasping breath. "W-what?"
King gulped. "I…I feel…such…darkness…"
"Are you two planning on going somewhere and not inviting me? Now that's just darn rude! Is that any way to treat a good friend?" A friendly yet…somehow deadly voice suddenly said.
The two slowly turned their heads behind them, where a man in white armor with a long cape stood staring at them. "Why leave now? We can't start this party here without you…"
"Oh, bloody hell!" Valmont swore. "Caught!" King pushed Valmont to the side and as the figure swung his sword down caught the blade. The good mage's palms bled slightly, leaking down onto the ground, drops of bright red blood that glinted in the sun.
"You're being awfully annoying, getting in our way like this." Lucifer told them. "But I, Lucifer, Lord Demon of Pride and Body of the Devil, did not endure what I did to lose to a simple-"
"KIYAAAH!" Valmont suddenly jumped up and kicked him in the helmet. He fell back, groaning. Valmont grabbed King's arm and tugged hard, and the two ran down the alleyway. Lucifer whistled quickly and a large group of heavily-armed men appeared. "GET THEM." He demanded, pointing in their direction.
Our two "heroes" tore down the alley. King suddenly whipped around, facing them with his arms stretched towards them. "GO! I shall stall them as long as I can!" He told Valmont. Valmont looked a bit concerned, then bolted. King narrowed his eyes as the guards raced towards him.
"Die, freak!" One shouted, pulling a grenade out. King grinned wildly. "I'm not dying today, fool. FIRAGA."
A huge burst of flame belched forth from his hands, a large fireball that flew out, striking between the men and exploding. Then jets of flames shot up from the ground that the fireball had hit, and whatever guards had survived were toasted. The air was filled with the stickiness of intense heat.
"I hate it when they make this hard…" King lamented. "Signing their souls and lives away…"
"Get him!"
"What the?" King looked up above him just as a net fell on him. He fell to the ground, groaning, it was a weighted net. He tried to get up, but when he did, it shocked him. "Like it?" Satan asked, hovering down over him. "Magical capture spell, net-style. Little something-something I cooked up for mages like you."
King swore violently.
"Ooh, such harsh words! Ah, relax. Look!" Satan said, pointing.
King turned his head and saw an almost unconscious, whacked-over-the-head Valmont being dragged towards him by Lucifer. "You're in good company, noble magus." The Lord Demon of Pride said.
King groaned. "I hope my chosen are having better luck than I am!"
"I hope my Sandi's having better luck than I am…" Valmont muttered.
Speaking of which…
"Okay, here's what we're gonna do."
Sandi had invited some school chums, Jade included actually, to her house. Nick was also there, humming a DDR tune nonchalantly. They were all in the hallway, in front of four hall closets that were lined up next to one another. "We're going to play "7 Minutes in Heaven" but with a twist…" She held up three blindfolds. "Ta-da! Like, wow, huh?"
"Like wow?" Shendu asked.
"Like wow!" Sandi repeated. "Anyhow, come on! Don't be shy! See, how it works is like, totally simple and stuff! I'll put mine on first and someone has to come in with me! But it's randomly chosen and I won't know because I'm in the closet, get it?"
"Uh…alright…"
Sandi put her blindfold on and Nick held the door open for her, leading her in. He closed it. "All right, this feels weird." Nick admitted.
"It's okay. It's harmless." Jade insisted. "So, who's going to be-"
"I'll go in." Shendu immediately said. Before anyone could stop him he went into the closet and serious kissing could be heard. The Sky Demon's eyes widened and Nick went "wooooo". Hao smiled broadly.
"Uh…okaaaay…" Jade commented. She did NOT want to be in the closet with Hsi Wu, or in the closet at all. Although…then again, being in with Nick wouldn't be so bad…
"Okay, we'll have to separate into different groups to make sure this is done fairly." Nick told them. He split the group in half. "You guys, you pick a girl. We pick a guy."
Jade was picked and went into the closet reluctantly. Who would go in with her?
Well, as it were, at that moment, Nick and Hsi Wu also went into closets, along with three others…
Silence for a few moments. A brief kiss or two.
Tense silence. And then…
"SWEET JESUS HOLY CHRIST!!!"
"WAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!"
"Woah!"
"EWWWWWW!!!"
MEANWHILE…
"DUCK!" Jackie shouted, pulling Black down. The shotgun blast sailed over their heads, singing their backs slightly. Jackie suddenly jumped out the window and into the streets, with Black right behind. "That's it! I won't let you destroy this clinic!" He said. "If you have an issue with abortion that's one thing, but endangering people's lives…"
"They're baby-killers and deserve to die!" The man, who was the redneck from before, snarled. "I may be a redneck f-ggot, but I'll be godd-mned if I let those stinking baby-killers do their so-called job! It's an abomination against God!"
"I thought that in the Bible homosexuality was also something of a sore-"
That did it. The man rushed at him, brandishing the shotgun like a club. He tried to bring it down on Jackie, but Jackie jumped back, kicking off the ground. He flipped in the air and landed on his hands, then did a handstand kick, spinning around and striking the man right in the face. He then jumped up into the air and landed right on the man, who let out a "WOAUGH" and dropped the gun. Black rushed over and grabbed the gun, firing it into the air. "DISPERSE, NOW!" He shouted.
"Not so fast!"
They all turned and looked and saw MORE anti-abortionists approaching, all with baseball bats, hockey sticks and other hands-on instruments of clinical destruction. "Siding with a baby-killer makes you a baby-killer!"
"Oh boy." Jackie said. The secretary poked her head up from the desk. "Where'd I put it?" She wondered out loud. "Where is it?"
"Let's get 'em, boys!" The leader of the crowd shouted. Black tossed the shotgun at him and it broke his nose. He went down, crying. "Ow! You jerk!" He moaned, fading into unconsciousness. The crowd rushed forward…
And so did Jackie. Black hung back and watched as Jackie went wild. A man tried to slam a hockey stick on Jackie, but the brave oriental ducked and delivered a quick one-two punch to him, then grabbed his arm and threw him into a small group of men who had pulled knives. They all fell to the ground, groaning. Another man attacked him, screaming "F—king die, chink!". Angered by this, Jackie slammed his fist into the man's face, and the crunch of bones told him he'd hit pay dirt. The man went down, cheekbone broken.
Not merely content with knives, one guy had grabbed a frickin' CHAINSAW. He held it above his head, screaming "Goongala" over and over. He rushed at Jackie, who ducked down and swept his leg, tripping the man. The chainsaw flew through the air, still activated, going up, up…Jackie kicked it away from hitting the man and instead of hitting him, it stuck in the chest of another protestor who was wielding a baseball bat. She went down, screaming. Jackie made an "Oh, come ON" face, and then rushed back into the fray.
Black decided to get involved. He jumped up into the air, feet hitting a rapid anti pro-choice protestor who had pulled a gun. The protestor fell down, cursing. Black grabbed the gun and whipped it up. "NOBODY move." He said to a group that closed in on him. "I said don't move!" "DIE, PIG!" One shouted, holding a hammer high. BAM! A good shot to the ear put him down. "He hit Buddy! Come on, girls!" One butch-looking man shouted, rushing forward. This time a bullet through the forehead did the trick for all of the guys that rushed forward.
Jackie jumped up and kicked a man square in the chin. His head came flying off. "Oh, you gotta be KIDDIN' me!" He complained. "How on Earth did that-"Suddenly a gun cocked next to his ear. Jackie turned and came face to face with a furious protestor who was foaming at the mouth. "How dare you try to stop the will of God! We've been told by God's angels himself that our cause is righteous!" "Killing innocent people is not righteous." Jackie told him, not frightened so much as tense. Then he saw a familiar, friendly face right behind the anti-abortionist.
"Just die, baby-killer! Die-die-"
"You first." Jackie said, ducking. The man lowered the gun and his head slightly to hit Jackie with his gun…
KABLAM! A shot through the middle of his neck sent him to the ground, gasping in a death rattle that sent blood and bits of bone flying from his mouth. Black dusted himself off. The anti-abortionists were all looking at them like they were demons from Hell.
"I said return to your homes." Black said. "You made us to use force. As Commander of Section 13-"
"THEY'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" The secretary shouted. Jackie and Black looked up and saw she had a f—king machine gun!
"Where'd you get THAT?"
"Oh! Oops! Sorry." She apologized, throwing it away. "Hold on, the darn thing is plumb out of ammunition. Lemme get the other."
She lifted up her skirt.
(ABOUT TEN SECONDS PASS)
SFX: KA-BOING! (Eyes popping open)
Jackie's hands went to his mouth, repressing a retch. Captain Black gasped.
"That's pretty gross!" The redneck from earlier remarked.
A would-be sniper in a nearby building saw the whole thing and gave a big grin, leaning out to get a closer look, dropping his gun out the window…with him still attached. Ouch. See? There IS justice in this world!
"I'm tired of it all! Every day they keep coming back and back! Well if I kill them all off now they won't come back!" She ranted, laughing insanely. She had totally lost it. Her face was as wild as any of the protestors had been.
Jackie turned to Black. He knew the gun was out of bullets. "Captain Black, I think we should-"
"My thoughts exactly. On the count of three." He put his back towards the woman, and Jackie stood in front. "One…two…three…"
"Hey, move out of the way so I can waste these pro-choice c—ksuckers!" The woman snarled angrily.
"NOW!" Black shouted, suddenly getting on his knees and holding up both hands together in front of him. Jackie jumped off the hands and as he did Black flattened himself on the ground. Jackie kicked off of him and flew through the air, foot extended fully. It collided with the woman's chest and her machine gun was askewed, but it went off, firing bullets into the ceiling, sending plaster everywhere. A large chunk fell off, and as Jackie stepped off of the woman it struck her in the chest, and she let out some nasty cursing before dying. Jackie shivered and closed her eyes, turning to Black.
"Captain Black, I…I think we've done enough." He said.
Suddenly the leader of the pro-life group, who had been knocked out early, woke up. "Ohh…my HEAD…what hit me? Wait…where am I? Where are the angels?"
Black approached him. "What angels?" He asked.
"The ones who approached us. They said that God wanted us to blow up the abortion clinic…"
"Oh, about that…we lied."
Black and Jackie and the surviving protestors looked up above the clinic at the rooftop. There was a cruel-looking child with angelic wings and a body tattoo, who had a cruel smirk. "I am actually not an angel. I'm Satan, Lord Demon of Wrath and I am an Avatar of the Devil, specifically I'm the Heart of the Devil. If you'd succeeded and done your jobs in blowing up the abortion clinic with those two party-crashers in it, then some lovely innocent lives would have been ruined. When a innocent gets killed…ah, it just makes me smile."
"You sick monster!" Jackie shouted.
Satan threw back his head and laughed in a silvery fashion. "Yes, yes, call me what you want! Strike me down if you can! It doesn't matter, they didn't do their job. It's not a problem though. You see, our main goal is to kill you and get those "reformed" demons taken care of. And now we can. You see…" Satan grinned. "We captured your little friends Valmont and King. They found out about our plans and were going to stop them. We couldn't have that, so…now they're going to die. And if you want them to live, you'll have to come..." Satan tossed Jackie a small wad of paper. Jackie caught it in one hand.
"There. TONIGHT. 9 PM. And don't bother bringing help, we've got the place loaded with guards! Ha-ha-ha! And since they signed their souls away, they're willing to do ANYTHING!" With a giggle, Satan vanished in a burst of brimstone and fire. Jackie un-wadded the paper and it revealed a "grand opening" of a big family theme park based off of a Chinese emperor's palace. It was located in Central Hollywood, and looked very impressive. A crudely drawn picture of Valmont and King tied up and saying "Help" was drawn on the back.
"We've got to go save them." Jackie said.
Black rubbed his chin. "I agree with you. But before we can do that, we've got to get help. We can't just go in alone."
Jackie looked puzzled. "But who can help us?" He wanted to know. "I thought the secretary said the police had their hands full."
"Jackie the cops aren't the only bad boys in Hollywood." Captain Black took in a deep breath. "There's only one group that can help us now…" He said quietly, looking at the ground.
He then looks up, and looks directly at YOU. That's right, YOU.
"And I know just where to find them…"
He grabbed Jackie's shoulder.
"Come on, Jackie. We've got to get going to Wilshire Boulevard, and FAST!"
Author's Note:
And so it begins, the worldwide tour around the world to find the bell pieces! And romance is developing back home! Who kissed who? And what IS at Wilshire Boulevard? Find out...next time!