Ma Chao and Ma Dai,

I never said you were gay. I only refer to this person as a 'horseman', and not 'Ma Chao'. Also a 'gay painter cousin' and not 'Ma Dai'. There are probably thousands of horsemans who have a painter as their cousin, and they're probably gay too. Do you even know how many horseman who have a painter as their cousin here in Wei? Me neither.

PS: Or is it because you know you're gay yourself?

Xiahou Dun

Sima Yi,

If I hit Zhang Chunhua on other parts that's not her breast cushion, she'd get hurt and that'd be a crime. I'd go to jail, just like you said. And if I hit her on her breast cushion, that's…also crime. You know.

Xiahou Dun

PS: Are you sure Sima Mao is not your daughter? I'm too lazy to find her peoples so if other people should do it then its you.

Nu Wa,

It's still bothersome. (Wait…wait…WAIT! Cao Cao's main right hand man as the reward?!) No, thank you. It's still bothersome.

Xiahou Dun

Cousin,

WHY. WOULD. YOU. FALL. IN. LOVE. WITH. GUO. JIA?! (Is this the cause of Sun Ce's gay powder?) cousin, I don't know. I mean, you have me. Who needs Guo Jia when you have me?! As you said, he only wants to flirt with girls so you probably have no chance.

Dun

Xiuyi,

Pokemon? What's that? Just ask Kaguya to get you back here. Tell her I'll reveal the Pedo-Incest God if she doesn't want to.

Uncle Dun,

Pedo-Incest God?

Xiuyi,

It's nothing.

Uncle Dun

Guo Jia,

(hahahahahahahahahahaha) okay. Sure.

Xiahou Dun

Guo Jia's wife,

Your husband impregnated three handmaidens and asked me to pretend that they're mine. He keeps running from responsibilies, I keep wondering why women likes him. Is it his blond hair? Anyway, I hope you have a nice day, my Lady.

*unsigned*

Guo Jia,

I don't know, I havent send a letter to your wife just yet. I wonder who told her about this? No matter if she knows or not, you need to handle this yourself. I thought you're a strategist?

Xiahou Dun

Sun Ce,

Please stop spreading that gay powder you got from Gan Ji. It's a good thing I found out about this beforehand but not everyone knows. I don't want China to turn to a gay nation, you see. Cao Cao is not yet the ruler. But if he is, then you're free to do as you please. (if you're still alive by then, that is)

Xiahou Dun,

No, thank you. China will turn into a gay nation because I want it! Plus, this is a gift I got from Gan Ji, it's a gift! Who doesn't like a gift?

Sun Ce,

Still. I'll give you another gift later. It's not fun when every single person became gay. And I don't want Guan Yu to be gay again just to chase after me.

Xiahou Dun,

Stop being homophobic, I know you have a thing for your cousin! That's incest, even worse than me and Zhou Yu.

Sun Ce,

Shut up. I will take that gay powder soon and you better get ready.

Xiahou Dun

Ze very the next day. Wu was attacked and Xiahou Dun got the gay powder.

Sun Ce,

Ha! In your face!

Xiahou Dun

Cousin,

Here. The gay powder. Give it to Guo Jia and he'll probably flirt with you. I don't know how it works, though.

Xiahou Dun

someone write about historical China turn into a gay nation in my place, please.