Chapter 25: Rachel

The sound of my father's heavy breathing beside me is the first thing I hear as the early morning sunlight pours into the living room. I'd noticed my dad crying in the living room and sat near him for hours, waiting for his breathing to even out before drifting off.

When I was little, I would hurry to my parent's room whenever there was a thunderstorm. Not to comfort me, but to comfort my dad's. I would hold onto LeRoy's hand and somehow my worries would all fade away and I could see my dad visibly relax.

Watching my dad sleep soundly, I can't believe daddy wants to send him away. Dad is a big part of who I am; the thought of living without him seems so… wrong. Sometimes I feel dad and I are connected in a way few people understand. Even when daddy can't figure out what dad is thinking or why he's so upset, I usually know.

That's why it devastated me when my dad refused to talk to me. I never really though he'd shut me out too.

But he did.

"I won't let daddy take you away," I say softly to my sleeping father. "I'll always protect you."

I ease myself off the couch. There is no way I can spent time with him without him suspecting I'm upset. So head towards my bedroom, get dressed, and leave the house before he wakes up.

I confided in Quinn yesterday and the world still seems intact. I actually felt better after telling her about LeRoy. If I can do it with Quinn, surely I can try it with Kurt and Mercedes.

As I sit in front of Kurt's house in my car, my thoughts turn to life.

Nothing is going right. Senior year is suppose to be a blast; easy and fun. So far it's been anything but. Finn is pressuring me, a girl part of some sketch drug gang is more than my chemistry partner, and my daddy is going to send my dad away. What else can go wrong?

I notice movement coming from Kurt's second-story window. First legs, then a butt. Oh, God. It's Blaine Anderson trying to jump to the tree.

Blaine must see me, because Kurt's head pops out of the window. He waves and motions for me to wait.

Blaine's foot still hasn't reached the branch. Kurt is holding onto his hands to steady him. Blaine finally reaches the tree, but he slips and falls, flinging his body in all directions. He's fine, though, I realize after he gives Kurt a thumbs-up before jogging off.

I wonder if Finn would climb trees for me.

Kurt's front door opens a few minutes later and he steps out. "Rach, what are you doing here? It's seven o'clock in. the. Morning. You do realize that it's a teacher in-service and we have no school."

"I know, but my life is spinning out of control."

"Come inside and we'll talk," he says, opening my car door.

Inside, I take off my shoes so I won't wake up his dad.

"Don't worry, he left for work an hour ago."

"Then why was Blaine escaping out your window?"

Kurt winks. "You know, to keep the relationship exciting."

I follow Kurt into his bedroom. I plunk myself down on his bed as Kurt calls Mercedes. "Cedes, come over. Rachel's in crisis mode."

Mercedes, in her pj's and slippers, arrives ten minutes later since she only lives five houses down.

"Okay, spill," Kurt demands when we're all together.

Suddenly, with all eyes on me, I'm not so sure this sharing thing is such a good idea. "It's not really anything."

Mercedes straightens. "Listen, Rach. You got me out of bed at seven a.m. Dish the dirt."

"Yeah," Kurt says, "we're your friends. If you can't share with your friends, who can you share with?"

Quinn Fabray. But I'd never tell them that.

"Why don't we watch Funny Girl," Kurt suggests. "If Barbra herself doesn't get you to spill her guts, nothing will."

Mercedes groans. "I can't believe you got me up for a noncrisis and Streisand. You guys seriously need to get a life. The least you can do is give me gossip. Anyone have any?"

Kurt leads us to the living room and we all sink into the cushions on the sofa. "I heard Puckerman was found kissing someone in the janitors closet on Tuesday."

"Booooring," Mercedes drawls out, totally unimpressed.

"Did I mention it was Shelby Corcoran?"

"Now that is good gossip, Kurt."

Is that how it's gong to be if I share anything, turning my misery into gossip for everyone to laugh about?

In Kurt's living room four hours, two movies, popcorn, and a tub of vegan ice cream later, I'm feeling better. Maybe it was Barbra, but somehow I think everything is possible. Which makes me think about…

"What do you guys think of Quinn Fabray?" I ask.

Kurt pops a piece of popcorn in his mouth. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know, " I say, unable to stop thinking about the intense, undeniable attraction that is always between us. "She's my chemistry partner."

"And…?" Kurt urges, waving his hand in the air as if saying 'so what's the point?'

I grab the remote control and pause the movie. "She's hot. Admit it."

"Ew, Rachel," Mercedes says, pretending to stick her finger down her throat and gagging.

Kurt says, "Okay, so I'll admit. She does look like our generation Grace Kelly. But she's not someone I'd associate with. She's like, you know… a druggy."

"Half the time she comes to school high," Mercedes chimes in.

"I sit right next to her, Cedes, and I've never noticed her high in school."

"Are you kidding Rachel? Quinn does drugs before school, and in the bathroom when she ditches study hall. And I'm not just talking about pot. She's into the hard stuff too," Mercedes states like it's a fact.

"Have you seen her do drugs?" I challenge.

"Listen, Rachel. I don't have to be in the room with her to know that she snorts or shoots up. Quinn is dangerous. Besides people like us don't mix with people like them."

I lean back into the couch. "Yeah, I know."

"Finn loves you," Kurt says changing the subject.

Love. I scoff. But I stay silent; I don't even want to go there with them.

Three times my daddy tries to contact me. First on my cell, although turning it off didn't deter him because he called Kurt's house twice.

"Hiram is coming over if you don't talk to him," Kurt says, the phone dangling from his fingers.

"If he does, I'm leaving."

Kurt hands me the phone. "Me and Cedes are going outside so you can have some privacy. I don't know what this is all about, but talk to him."

I hold the phone to my ear. "Hello, father."

"Listen, Rachel, I know you're upset. I finalized the plans about your dad last night. I know it's hard on you, but he's been more and more frustrated lately."

"Daddy, he's forty seven and is angry about being stuck in a chair for the past few months. Don't you think that's normal for him to be frustrated?"

"You're going to New York next year. It's not fair to keep him here anymore. Stop being selfish."

How is daddy being sent away because I'm going to college my fault? "You're going to do this no matter how I feel about it, aren't you?"

"Yes. It's a done deal."