Hey guys. Thanks for all the support of the last chapter. I appreciated it so much. All the support over the past five years has meant SO much to me, especially those of you who've stuck around when so many have left. I know it's unusual for me to post updates so close together, but I only get a chance to update on February 29 every four years - so I had to do so today! Hope you enjoy the new chapter and review if I should keep going!
Chapter 26: The Aftermath
Finn looked at Rachel, who was sleeping beside him. He put his hand on her stomach, feeling some movements, but at the same time, worried about his kids' future. He'd barely managed to eat or sleep over the past few days. He didn't think anyone had.
The Ohio bombing had shocked, terrified and saddened the nation. There were over 300 deaths and over 400 more injured, the most in an attack on America since 9/11/01. The two people behind the attack had been turned in by family members and were in jail, with life without parole as the likely sentence. And even though they were in jail, there was the fear of something like this happening again.
Finn was scared much of the time. It was probably for the best that the campaign was taking a break from campaigning, because it didn't feel right to campaign at a time like this. The Vinick campaign had resumed campaign activities two days after the attack - making Finn's opinion of Vinick and Sue even worse, if possible. The Santos campaign had spent the last few days helping with the damage in Ohio, visiting with the injured and talking with the families of the deceased.
Of course, Finn's main concern was Rachel - in more ways than one. He knew Rachel and he would have expected her to be breaking down a lot. She'd lost the men who raised her and the woman who gave birth to her. And for the three of them to be somewhere together most definitely meant it had something to do with her.
But Rachel hadn't cried at all. Every time Finn tried to bring up what had happened, she found a way around it. Every time he asked her if she was okay, she insisted that she was. Finn had contacted their friends from glee and talked to their friends on the campaign, all of them saying that similar things happened when they tried to talk to her.
Sometimes he'd try to stay up so if she got up and it hit her, he'd be there. But that never happened, and he often found himself falling asleep. He was glad he was able to get sleep after this, though it was hard.
"Hi," Rachel said, looking up at Finn.
Finn gave his girlfriend a kiss. "Hey. Sleep okay?"
"Yeah," Rachel said. "I was thinking, we've taken a few days off, but we should probably set up some campaign events for next week."
"Are you sure that's a good idea after what happened?" Finn asked.
"Yeah," Rachel said. "Finn, you see that Vinick's still campaigning. We can't let him win this election, and the more time we take off, the more the country sees of him than of us."
From a campaign standpoint, sure, it made all the sense in the world to keep campaigning, but it didn't from a human standpoint. "And we're the ones who actually look like we care."
"Whatever we do, we'll be criticized," Rachel said. "Yeah, if we get back to having campaign events, we'll look like we don't care, but if we stay here too long, we'll be accused of trying to make our campaign and our candidate look good."
"I guess that's true, but still," Finn said. "You don't have to be so strong, Rachel."
"What do you mean?" Rachel asked.
"Well, I can't help but notice that other when I first told you, you haven't been acting upset at all," Finn said. "You haven't cried or anything, not even at the services. Every time I try to talk to you, you change the subject."
"What is there to say?" Rachel asked. "It's not like we were that close anymore..."
That answered Finn's question: Rachel was in denial. "Baby..."
"Finn, you don't need to worry about me, I'm fine," Rachel said. "Worry about the fact that we still can't get a commanding lead in the polls. Come on, let's go get some breakfast."
Once again, Rachel was acting like everything was okay. Finn could only hope she'd open up to him eventually. "Okay, let's go get breakfast."
x
"I set up some campaign events for next week," Rachel said, coming into the room where Finn was with the candidates and some senior campaign staff. "On Sunday, we'll be having an evening rally in New York. On Monday, we're having an afternoon rally in Boston and an evening one in Manchester. Tuesday will be Pennsylvania, Philadelphia in the afternoon, Pittsburgh in the evening. On Wednesday I set up an afternoon rally in Falls Church, Virginia, and an evening one in Charlotte..."
Finn couldn't believe Rachel had actually gone through with setting up campaign events. He looked over at Matt. "Rachel... I appreciate your help, but I'm not sure if we should go back to campaigning so soon."
"It'll be a week on Sunday," Rachel said. "We've had our break, but we need to get back to campaigning. The fact that Vinick only took a day off and we took a week already shows that we care more..."
Finn didn't know what to say about this. Then Matt spoke. "Rachel, can you please check with me in the future about where to go before you book venues and hotels?"
"Yeah, but want to hear where else we're going?" Rachel asked.
Rachel had made even more arrangements? "Sure," Matt said, sounding resigned.
"On Thursday we're going to to Atlanta in the afternoon and northern Florida in the evening. We'll then spend Friday morning going door to door and that stuff in Florida, with an afternoon rally in Orlando and an evening one in Miami. I thought maybe we could have a day off on Saturday, so we'll use that day to drive up to Indiana, making some stops for door to doors and phone calls all the way. Then we'll have an afternoon rally in Indianapolis on Sunday and then go up to Wisconsin for an evening rally in Milwaukee. Next Monday we'll spend the morning going door to door in Wisconsin before an afternoon rally in Madison and then go up to Minnesota for an evening rally in the Twin Cities at the Mall of America. That's all I scheduled..." She started passing around papers with details about the event venues and hotels she'd booked.
All she scheduled? Rachel had booked a week's worth of events without checking with the candidate. "Rachel, I appreciate your initiative, but could you please check with me in the future before booking so many events?" Matt asked. "I wasn't even sure when I thought it would be good for us to get back to campaigning.."
"I'm sorry," Rachel said. "I just want to win."
"We all do, but right now, some things are more important than the campaign," Josh said.
"I guess," Rachel said. "I'm going to go change clothes." The service for Shelby was today - the ones for Hiram and LeRoy had been yesterday. Finn hoped Rachel might finally admit her feelings today, but he wasn't holding his breath.
When Rachel was gone, Matt turned to Finn. "You've known her the longest... is it odd for me to think that this isn't very Rachel-like behavior?"
"She's usually very open about her feelings," Finn said. "She's acting like nothing happened... every time I try to talk to her, she dodges."
"I guess she's right and it would be good to get back to work on the campaign since it'll be a week... but going behind everyone's back and booking event venues and hotels?" Josh asked.
Finn knew Rachel had changed the performance behind Mr. Schue's back their sophomore year, but that wouldn't happen again after the backlash. "I don't even know. I keep trying to get her to talk, but she won't. Not even at the services. You would have thought they were services for acquaintances, not the men who raised her. I don't know... maybe the service for her birth mother today will get her to open up, but I don't know."
"The therapist said she hasn't come to her yet, either," Donna pointed out.
"It's odd," Anna added. "I haven't known her long, but this isn't like Rachel."
"I don't know what else to try," Finn admitted. "I'm worried about her... I was hoping that the services would help her open up a little..."
"She has her birth mother's service today, right?" Bram asked. "Maybe that'll help.."
"I hope," Finn said. "I don't know though."
"Just keep all of us updated, okay?" Ronna asked.
"Of course," Finn said. He turned to Matt. "I'll make sure she doesn't book any more events."
Matt looked uncomfortable. "Thanks... I hope things get better."
x
Finn and Rachel had just arrived at the pre-service visitation for Shelby. There were some former members of Vocal Adrenaline there that they recognized. Quinn then came up to them and gave them each a hug.
"Hey," Puck said as he and Beth walked over to Finn and Rachel.
"Hey," Rachel said, looking down at Beth. She'd met Beth a few times, but she didn't know if Beth would remember her.
"Hi Rachel," Beth said. "Mommy talked about you a lot."
Rachel had to feel horrible for Beth. "I'm so sorry, Beth."
"Why would a bad person do that?" Beth asked.
"I don't know," Rachel said. She really didn't know. From everything it heard, it sounded like it had been done just for the thrill of it.
"Beth was staying with me while Shelby was in Ohio," Puck said. "She could have..."
Rachel didn't want Puck talking that way in front of Beth. "So, did Shelby leave her to you?"
"Yeah," Puck said. "My mom's sent us some things and of course our other friends in New York are helping out..."
"And since I'm only in Connecticut, I'm going to try to come every weekend," Quinn said.
"That's good," Rachel said. "You know we'd be helping if we were in New York..."
"We get it, you two have an election to win," Puck said.
Rachel looked down at Beth. She'd spent so much time thinking about her brother and sister from her unknown biological father, but in a way, she did have a sibling through Shelby, and she couldn't imagine what this was like for Beth. Had Beth even known that Shelby wasn't her birth mother? It sounded like she saw Puck from time to time, but still...
"I'm sad," Beth said.
"I know you are," Rachel said, leaning down to give Beth a hug. She didn't know how she'd been managing. She'd been trying to distract herself with work as much as possible to avoid getting upset, but with the campaign on hiatus, there was only so much that could be done.
"It's all so senseless," Finn said. "There's no reason why anyone should do anything like that..."
"We've spent the past few days helping out. It's all horrible," Rachel said. She tried not to sound like she was talking about a tragedy that hadn't affected her personally. "The damage, how upset the victims' families are... no one should have to go through this."
Rachel saw Finn whispering something to Puck. No doubt this had to do with her. Hoping to get her mind off things, she turned to Quinn. "How's grad school?"
"I like it," Quinn said. "It's challenging and there's a lot of homework, but I'm happy."
"That's good," Rachel said.
"Did you know Quinn and Puck are my other mommy and my daddy?" Beth asked Rachel.
"I did," Rachel said. "That makes you very special."
"Yeah," Beth said. "I'm sad about my mommy though."
"Of course you are," Rachel said. "I'm sad, too." She hoped she didn't come off as too sad.
"So since your mommy is my mommy, you're my sister?" Beth asked.
Rachel wasn't sure how to define it. "Yeah."
x
Finn had hoped that with the services, Rachel would finally recognize her feelings, but no such luck. As soon as they got back to the hotel, Rachel had sorted a bunch of campaign literature into envelopes that they'd gotten on the 10th. He didn't even know what she was doing on her laptop now, but he was hoping that maybe she was writing about her feelings... or something.
This was completely like Rachel. Usually if she was upset about something, she talked about it a lot... but why was she refusing to talk about this? He'd never lost anyone close to him, but this still wasn't what he would have expected from someone who had lost her parents. He tiptoed out of the room and called his mom, hoping to get another perspective. Luckily, his mom picked up almost right away. "Hey honey."
"Hi Mom," Finn said. "How are you guys doing?"
"Similar to everyone in the country," Carole said. "We're scared... and of course we've been thinking a lot about Rachel..."
"Mom, I don't know what's going on with Rachel," Finn admitted. "She won't talk!"
"What do you mean, she won't talk?" Carole asked.
"Exactly what I said," Finn said. "Every time I try to talk to her, she finds a way around it. She's not acting upset at all! She booked a week's worth of campaign events and sorted and stuffed a bunch of literature into envelopes... this is almost scaring me."
"What do you mean, scaring you?" Carole asked.
"I feel like she's headed for some sort of crash and burn," Finn sighed.
"Everyone grieves differently," Carole said. "They say that one of the stages of grief is denial. Maybe Rachel's going through that."
"What was it like for you when my dad died?" Finn asked.
"I had to be strong for you," Carole said.
"Maybe Rachel feels like she needs to be strong for me and the babies and the campaign?" Finn asked. "But she doesn't have to..."
"You should let her know that it's okay to be sad," Carole said.
"I've tried, Mom," Finn said. "She didn't even cry at any of the funerals! It's making me worried, everyone on the campaign is worried, our friends from glee are texting me to see if she's okay... I hope she can be as okay as she can soon."
x
The services made everything feel so final. After today, it made things more complicated. So Rachel figured the best thing to do was what she'd been doing lately to keep her mind off things - more work related stuff. She didn't think it would be a good idea to book more events so far in advance but then she thought - the victory or the concession speech would be important. And with the stress of the final days of the campaign, wouldn't it be great to have a speech ready?
Rachel got out her computer and began typing the victory speech. After she finished it, she began the concession speech. In both speeches, she wrote exactly what she thought of Vinick. After she finished the speeches, she printed them out and went into the candidate's suite.
"Hey, I wrote you a victory speech and a concession speech," Rachel said, coming in and handing the papers to Matt. "That way you can focus completely on campaigning and not on the speeches when it gets close to the election." She was really getting desperate to get her mind off things. She'd stuffed all the envelopes, entered all the data... she had a feeling she shouldn't set up any more events, since Matt hadn't seemed happy when she set them up before. "Hopefully we won't need the concession speech, but..."
"Victory and concession speeches?" Matt asked. "Rachel, you know I like writing my own speeches... and there might be more that comes up closer to the election..."
"These are good," Rachel said. At least she thought they were good. Sure, maybe some of the things she said about Vinick in the concession speech weren't very nice, but neither was Vinick. It made her so angry that he was still here and her parents weren't.
"'I can not believe that you elected that living piece of trash over me?'" Matt read from the concession speech. "Rachel, I can't say that..."
"Vinick is a living piece of trash," Rachel said.
"Baby, he can't say that on national television," Finn said.
"You see the way Vinick talks," Rachel said.
Matt continued reading the speech. "'I used to think that America was a good place where everyone mattered, that we were beyond racism and homophobia and sexism and hatred and injustice, but by the re-election of Arnold Vinick, you've proven that to be wrong. Apparently all that matters is the people at the top and bad people getting good things. You had a choice, a good one, to replace him... someone who would fight for everyone and not just for himself. But you chose that thing over me. So, fuck you America...' Rachel! What is this?"
"That's what I really think of Vinick," Rachel snapped.
Matt ripped up the paper. "Rachel, listen to this because I care about you: you need to stop pretending everything's okay. You lost the people who raised you and the woman who gave birth to you in a horrible way. I can not imagine going through that, so I'm not going to pretend I know what it's like. But I do know this: you need help. Grief leads people to do things they wouldn't normally do..."
"I've already told you and I've already told everyone, I'm fine!" Rachel shouted. She'd really lost it if she was yelling at a presidential candidate. Then again, she hadn't been snapped at by said candidate before. In fact, she didn't think she'd ever heard him snap at anyone, not even Vinick. She began storming out of the room.
"Rachel!" Matt repeated, raising his voice. Now Rachel was scared. She was being yelled at... was she fired? She couldn't lose her job. She needed it. She needed to be able to provide for her kids when they got here. She needed to be working for a cause she believed in and around people who cared about the cause in the way that she did.
Rachel turned around. "I'm sorry... you're right, I shouldn't have written those speeches or booked the events or any of that..." Now she felt like she was about to do something she'd tried so hard not to do since she got the news - cry. She tried to hold it in. "I'm so sorry... can I go up to my room for a little?"
"Of course," Matt said, giving Rachel a sympathetic look.
"I'm so, so sorry," Rachel repeated.
"Why don't you just go cool down in your room?" Matt asked. "We'll talk later."
"Can Finn come with me?" Rachel asked.
"Of course," Matt said.
As soon as Finn and Rachel got to their room, Rachel broke down. She had been trying to hold it all in, but she couldn't. She'd done so many things that someone else might have fired her for - making arrangements without her bosses' consent, writing the speeches... but doing all that wasn't going to change things or make it go away. "I'm sorry Finn," Rachel said, hugging her boyfriend and crying hysterically. "I'm so sorry..."
"Hey, don't," Finn said softly, rubbing Rachel's back. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."
"I thought that if I did extra work, it would distract me, but I just screwed things up..." Rachel sobbed. "Why, Finn? Why? Why did those people bomb Ohio? Why did they kill so many people... kill my parents?"
"I don't know," Finn said. "I don't know. It isn't right."
"If I'd known, I would have tried harder to fix things," Rachel continued. "Now I'm all alone in the world except for you and the babies..."
"You're not," Finn said. "You have me, the babies, my family, our friends from glee and the campaign..."
Rachel sighed. "I mean family."
"Well... what about your biological father?" Finn asked.
"The only one who knew who he was was Shelby," Rachel said. "And when my dads and Shelby were still around, I just wanted to meet him and talk now and then. If I asked him to come into my life now, he'd know he was my only parent left, and I wouldn't want to put that pressure on him." Rachel groaned. "God, Finn, what's wrong with me? I've been acting like a nutcase the past few days..."
"You're grieving," Finn said. "Everyone grieves differently."
"I know, but I could have gotten fired," Rachel said. "I just don't know what to do, Finn... my parents are gone..."
"No one's saying you have to know what to say or do," Finn said. "You just shouldn't be so afraid of your feelings."
Rachel didn't know what to say. So she just kept crying and holding on to Finn.
x
Finn rubbed circles into Rachel's back as she fell asleep, singing "I'll Stand By You" softly to her. It had broken his heart to see her so upset, but at least she was finally acknowledging her grief. Continuing to pretend she was okay wouldn't have helped. He knew she'd needed to let everything out, and he was glad she had.
Finn heard a knock on the door and went to it, keeping his eye on Rachel. When he looked through the peep hole, he knew he couldn't ignore the presidential candidate, so he let Matt in. "Hey."
"Hey," Matt said. "How's she doing?"
"She finally let it out," Finn said. "If it makes sense, I'm relieved... she's not trying to cover it up anymore. She's sleeping now."
"I was coming to tell her how sorry I am for snapping at her earlier," Matt said. "I shouldn't have done that when she's so fragile."
Finn nodded. "She's going to talk to the therapist tomorrow."
"I think that'll be good for her," Matt said. "I've been worried about her, but there's only so much we can all do..."
"Yeah," Finn said. "It's all one big nightmare, isn't it?"
"It is," Matt agreed. He looked at Rachel with concern over Finn's shoulder. "I'll be in my room if either of you need me, okay?"
"Okay," Finn said. "I'll pass on your message to Rachel."
As Finn said good night, he thought about his recent theory about who he thought Rachel's biological father was. Sure, there was a possibility he was wrong, but after doing some thinking, he was more and more suspicious. And despite what Rachel had said, he thought it would be comforting to her to have her biological father in her life. People always needed parents.
x
Rachel had been slightly embarrassed by her behavior yesterday. She'd realized that it had been wrong of her to jump the gun so much without consulting with the candidate himself. The therapist had told her that it was okay to be upset and that she'd have good moments and bad moments. She'd spent a while crying in Finn's arms with the therapist, and now she was going back to the room where the senior campaign staff was to apologize for the scene she caused yesterday. Finn had told her Matt hadn't seemed angry last night, but she felt like she deserved to be yelled at.
"Hey," Rachel said, going up to Matt as he was looking over an e-mail to send supporters. "Can we talk?"
"Of course," Matt said.
"I'm so sorry about yesterday," Rachel said. "That speech I wrote was completely inappropriate... and I shouldn't have gone behind your back to schedule events..."
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Matt said. "I shouldn't have yelled at you when you were in a vulnerable state. I feel horrible about what you're going through."
"It's just hard, you know?" Rachel said. "I wasn't expecting this. I wouldn't expect Ohio to be attacked, or my parents to be in my attack. I wasn't in a good place with my parents when they died, but I still love them..." She felt the tears coming back. Maybe part of the result of holding it in for so long was lately, it felt like all she could do was cry. "It makes me so sad thinking of everything I won't have parents to share with. They aren't going to be there to meet the babies. On my wedding day, I won't have my mom to help me plan everything, or my dads to walk me down the aisle..."
"Hey," Matt said, hugging Rachel. "I know you're sad. I'd tell you your parents were still with you in some way, but you want them here with you, don't you?"
"Yeah," Rachel admitted. "I hate this. But it's not an excuse for me doing so much behind your back."
"The senior staff and I were talking, we do think we'll get back to events on Sunday," Matt said. "You know you can always come to me if you need to talk, right?"
"Yeah," Rachel said. "You know, your kids are lucky to have you... all five of them."
x
"How are you holding up?" Kurt asked. Rachel was on the phone with Kurt in her room. She had to admit - the therapist had been right, it did feel slightly better to have gotten her feelings off her chest.
"I'm feeling a little better," Rachel said. "I guess I was in denial the first few days."
"Yeah, Finn was really worried," Kurt said. "He kept texting us to tell him if you said anything."
"I guess I don't need to pretend everything's okay," Rachel said.
"You don't," Kurt said. "Remember, not many people our age know what it's like to lose a parent, but I do."
"It sucks, doesn't it?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah," Kurt said.
"I just don't want to burden people," Rachel admitted. So far today, she'd broken down with her boyfriend, her boss and now her best friend.
"You're not burdening us," Kurt said. "We love you and we care about you. You can call me any time, okay?"
"Okay," Rachel said. "Thanks for listening to me cry earlier."
"It's what I'm here for," Kurt said.
Finn came in the room. "Finn's here, so I'm going to get to him," Rachel said. "I love you, okay?"
"I love you too," Kurt said.
When Rachel got off the phone, she walked over and hugged Finn. "I heard what you said," Finn said. "Don't ever think you're burdening me, okay?"
"Okay," Rachel said. "I love you."
"I love you too," Finn said, giving Rachel a kiss. "I'll do everything I can for you."
Chapter 27 preview: Finn makes the discovery of Rachel's biological father's identity - and for the first time, a non-Finchel character's point of view will be written in the story. The campaign gets back to work and an OC from one of my other story universes appears.