A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer

connect2jb...i'll be honest...It kills me to have the chapters ready and wait to post them...lol..but at this stage of the story the chapters are the first draft and quite honestly, horrible...I had to sit down yesterday and re-read and re-write a lot of it becuase it made absolutly no sense...Embry is a prick, yes....but I will say...as I was reading the newer chapters he does a real 360..I mean he has his moment's but he turns back into the embry we all loved back in high school...this one isn't too bad...you might tear up here and there, but its not like, total cry fest..

Bella

I slammed the door, and just for good measure, clicked the deadbolt in place. I leaned against the door, breathing heavily, my heart racing, hell even my mind was racing. Did that just happen? I wondered. And if it did why in the hell is Embry Call standing on my front porch.

Avery ran into the room and said, "Mommy, who was that?"

I walked away from the door and patted Avery's head. "No one important Monster. Let's go make some lunch. Are chicken nuggets okay?"

"Yeah!" he exclaimed, "I love chicken nuggets!"

I laughed a shaky, breathy sound and followed him into the kitchen, glancing at the clock on the stove. Jake should be back any second. I wasn't sure if he should go out there alone, but he assured me he felt fine and I believed him. By now I was able to tell when he was having a good day and when the day was just pure hell for him. He'd smiled and blew me a kiss before disappearing out the door to pick up Sue from the airport. I called her earlier this month to see if she could come down and help me, mostly with Avery.

The night we'd told them he was sick, Sue broke down on the phone, handing it off to Charlie who sat, what I can only imagine as speechlessly, as I told him the news. They offered to come down earlier, but I assured them that everything was fine, that we were fine and we would get through this. As the months passed and Jake got worse instead of better I found myself wishing I had accepted their offer.

Jake was touch and go by this point, he stopped with the chemo, with the treatments. Nothing was working and it just made him sick and miserable on top of already being sick and miserable. Some days he was fine, a glimmer of his former self, and he'd run around with Duke and Avery as if the cancer was just a repetitive nightmare. Other days he could barely get out of bed. Once, he fainted at work and had to be rushed to the hospital. He wasn't working anymore, the day after he fainted he resigned, telling the principle that he didn't want to endanger or upset the kids. The principle understood and the staff threw him a huge farewell party in the gym after school one day.

"Mommy?" Avery said.

I looked up; he held the bag of chicken nuggets out and shook them. I took the bag and opened it, spreading out five frozen nuggets on a plate. Avery popped open the microwave and pushed the buttons, starting the machine.

As the microwave counted down the time, I wondered why the hell Embry showed up at my house, not only that but how the hell did he even know how to find me? And more importantly, why was he here?

Then it hit me, Jake called him. That's the only explanation that made sense. Embry would have no reason to suspect that Avery was his, hell he'd have no reason to even know I had a kid unless someone told him and I doubted that Charlie or Sue carried on regular conversations with him. That left Jake. Jake who wanted me to tell him, Jake who insisted he be told. Forget cancer, I was going to kill him when he walked his ass back in this house.

The microwave beeped and I popped the door open, pulling the steaming plate of sizzling chicken nuggets out. "Monster, get the ketchup out of the fridge, okay?"

"Okay mommy."

I pulled a smaller plate out, Optimus Prime and the other auto-bots stared back at me as I covered their faces with chicken nuggets and a squirt of ketchup. I put the plate on the table and Avery climbed into his seat and started talking to the chicken nuggets and the transformers on his plate.

I suppressed a smile as I listened to him ask Optimus Prime if he liked chicken. He answered himself in a gravelly voice.

Duke circled the table, whining for a chicken nugget. I shooed him and opened the backdoor, kicking the dog outside.

Across the kitchen, I heard the garage door rumble open and a few minutes later the door opened and Sue, followed by Jake, stepped into the kitchen.

Conversations with chicken nuggets and transformers forgotten, Avery jumped out of his chair and ran across the kitchen. "Nana!" he shrieked.

Sue bent down and scooped him up. "Avery Monster!" she exclaimed, covering his face in kisses. "You've gotten so big since I last saw you."

Jake came around her, suitcases in hand. He glanced up at me as I glared at him. "You and I need to talk," I hissed at him.

"Uh, okay."

He walked off toward the guest room and I went to hug Sue. "Hi mom, how was your flight?"

She patted my back and said, "It was okay, a little crowded, but seeing as how it's almost Christmas I'm not surprised."

"That's good. I'll be right back; I need to talk to Jake about something real quick."

He was coming out of the guest room when I marched toward him and pushed him into his office. I shut the door behind me and turned on my heel. "You called Embry didn't you?" I hissed.

His face went white and he stammered, "No, I mean yes, but-"

"But nothing. God damn it I told you not to call him. He freaking showed up on the front porch while you were gone and wanted to know if Avery was his son."

"Wait, he showed up here? How the hell did he even know where we live?"

"The hell if I know," I shrugged. "Jesus Christ Jake, why did you have to call him? What the hell were you thinking?"

Jake shrugged and ran a hand over the peach fuzz on his head. His hair started to grow back a few months after he stopped chemo. It was sparse and fine, but it was hair nevertheless.

"I just thought he should know. You're not going to tell him and he needed to know, Avery needs him to know, so yeah I went behind your back and told him."

I wanted to hit something. "You had no right to do that," I said angrily and then left the room.

I needed to be alone, I needed to be by myself for like an hour, so I walked the three paces down the hall into my craft room, slammed the door. I crossed the room and turned on the stereo that sat in the corner then powered up my computer. I had about six months worth of pictures that needed to be edited and now seemed as good a time as any.

The Nikon was sitting on the edge of the desk. I picked it up and popped the memory card out and slid it into the SD card reader on my computer. The box popped up and the photos loaded, almost five hundred of them. I smiled as I clicked on the first one. It was a picture of Jake and Avery. They were both lying on the couch, Scooby doo playing in the background and they were both asleep, Jake's arm wrapped protectively around Avery. A much smaller Duke was curled up on the end of the couch, lying on Jake's feet.

I sat there for an hour, scrolling through the photos, deciding which ones to keep and which ones to toss. I opened Photoshop and loaded the pictures, humming along to Taylor Swift on the radio as I edited the pictures, cropping and re-coloring them when necessary.

When I was finished, I uploaded them to Snapfish and checked my credit card info. While I waited, there was a knock at the door. "Come in," I called, "unless you're Jake, then go away."

The door opened and Sue stuck her head in. "Everything okay?" she asked.

"No," I snorted.

"What's going on?" she asked coming into the room.

I swiveled in my chair and looked at her. "Hmm, let's see my dying husband went behind my back and called my ex-boyfriend to tell him that the son we thought was Jake's really isn't, its Embry's. Then Embry shows up on the porch like three hours ago and wants to know if what Jake said is true."

"What did you tell him?"

I gaped at her. "What do you think I told him?"

Sue shrugged.

"I told him he wasn't and then I told him to get the hell off my front porch."

"I told Jake this was a bad idea," Sue muttered.

"Wait, what? You knew he was going to do this?"

"Now hold on a minute, Bella. He called me back in September and asked me for Embry's mom's phone number. I told him she moved to Boston about two years ago and that we really hadn't kept in touch much over the last two years but that I would try to find the number for him. He told me that he would talk to you about it again before he did anything."

"He asked you for this in September?"

Sue nodded. "Yes, he called and said that he needed to do it before it was too late."

I shook my head. This was so damn stupid. Embry wouldn't care, hell he probably wouldn't even believe Jake - or me - if we told him he had a kid. Well hopefully after today he'd stay away.

Later that night I was coming out of Avery's room. Jake came out of ours at the same time. "Come here," he said softly.

I followed him into our room and sat down on the loveseat in the sitting room. "What?" I wasn't really angry anymore, stunned had taken angers place.

"I'm sorry," Jake said. "I apologize for going behind your back. I shouldn't have done that and I don't want you to be mad at me. I love you and I just want to make sure that everything's taken care of, you know, for…after."

Here came the tears. "I know," I mumbled. "I just didn't expect to open the door and see him standing there. Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll go crawl back under whatever rock he's been hiding under all this time."

Jake sat down beside me and took my hand. "I always loved holding your hand. Did you know that?"

I shook my head no and looked down at our entwined fingers, caramel and crème. We complimented each other perfectly. "We fit well together," I told him.

"Perfectly," he said. "do you want to know why I loved holding your hand?"

I glanced up into his open eyes. I saw the love swimming there, the years of memories and the unspoken fears. My heart ached, my throat swelled and I blinked back tears. "Why?" I asked thickly.

"It's going to sound cheesy," he said, "but making love, it was never about you and me in bed." He shook his head, "No, we made love every time we held hands."

I blinked back the tears and laid my head on his shoulder. "Please don't ever leave me," I sobbed. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I promise," he said solemnly. "I won't ever leave you." His thumb rubbed soothing circles on my wrist, calming me in ways on he could. I closed my eyes and together we sat, one united front against the storm that was quietly brewing.

* * *

A week later the four of us went out to do some Christmas shopping. Jake complained that he wasn't feeling well. I asked him if he wanted to go home, but he brushed me off and said he'd be okay. We were in the food court at the mall, Jake and Avery were sitting down, I had just gotten our food and was walking back toward the table when I saw Jake slump over and tumble to the ground.

I dropped the tray I was carrying, soda, French fries and steak sandwiches spilled all over the floor, and I ran toward him. Avery was freaking out, crying and hollering for Jake. People gathered around, one man was smart enough to pull out his cell phone and ask if he should call 911. I knelt beside Jake cradling his head in my hands. I fought to keep the tears at bay and checked to see if he had a pulse and was breathing, but honestly I was too hysterical to really tell. A burly paramedic pulled me out of the way and set about working on Jake.

"Does he have any medical conditions we need to be aware of?" he barked.

I sat there, staring at him for a second. The paramedic leaned over and grasped my shoulders. "Ma'am, I understand this is upsetting but if you want us to save his life I need to know if this man has any pre-existing medical conditions," his tone was firm but sympathetic.

"Cancer," I said softly, "Stage four non-Hodgkin's lymphoma."

"Thank you," he replied and went back to trying to help Jake. He barked orders to the other paramedics and suddenly a yellow stretched appeared. They picked Jake up like he weighed no more than a sack of potatoes and strapped him down.

"Alright let's go," burly barked.

I looked around for Sue; she said she was going to check out a couple of stores while we ate. I felt torn, should I stay or should I go with the ambulance?

In the end I went with the ambulance. I figured I'd call Sue once we got to the hospital.

The ambulance tore through the city, the lights over head wailing as we weaved in and out of traffic. I didn't know what was going on with Jake, the paramedics were hovering over him, barking out codes and words I couldn't spell let alone pronounce. Avery was clinging to me, sobbing into my chest. I wished, so desperately, that he didn't have to see this.

The ambulance careened into the hospital and screeched to a stop. The doors flew open and the stretcher was pulled out. The burly paramedic took Avery and held him, the offered me his hand and helped me out of the back of the ambulance.

The paramedics rushed Jake inside, I followed behind, not quite sure of what was going on. I walked in was immediately directed to take a seat and the doctor would be out as soon as he could to give me an update.

I found a seat and cradled Avery to my chest. I looked around at all the other people surrounding me and wondered what was going to happen.

While we waited, I called Sue; she said she would be there as soon as she could. Twenty minutes later she rushed into the E.R. and sank down into the vacant seat beside me. "Oh sweetie, what's going on? Have they come out and talked to yet?"

I shook my head no. Hysteria was clawing at my stomach, my throat, my mind. The phrase, "No news is bad news," kept echoing over and over and over again in my mind. Every time the doors would open my eyes would dart up hoping to see Doctor Michelson or Jake or someone who could tell me what the hell was going on.

Day faded into night and still no news. Finally Sue got up; she looked down at me and said, "I'm going to find out what's going on."

She walked up to the nurses' station and pointed toward the double doors and at me. She grew visibly more agitated and finally threw her hands up in the air and came back to where I was sitting. "They don't know anything yet."

"How could they not know anything, we've been here for hours?"

Sue shrugged. "I don't know. But we'll keep waiting, someone will tell us something."

So we waited, and waited some more. The crowd that was here when I first got here had cleared out, and a new crowd had taken its place.

It was after midnight when Michelson came out of the double doors. He looked around and, when he spotted me, he walked toward me like a man with a mission.

I stood as he approached. "Bella," he said wearily.

"How's Jake? Is he okay, did something happen? What's going on?"

Michelson patted my arm. "One question at a time, okay?"

I nodded, "Sorry, been sitting here for a while and no one would tell me anything."

"I'm sorry for that," Michelson said sympathetically. "Jake is stable now, but I don't know how much longer he has."

"Wait, what do you mean how much longer he has?"

"We ran tests, lots of tests, and the cancer - it, well it's taking over Jake's body. He doesn't have long. We'd like to keep him here; I'm not so sure he's stable enough to move."

I fought the damn tears that were always threatening, it was a wonder I still possessed the ability to cry. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. "Can I see him?" I asked.

Michelson nodded, "Only for a few minutes, he needs his rest."

Sue stood, Avery clinging to her, and the three of us followed Michelson behind the double doors. Hushed voices and the steady beeping of the machines were the only sounds we heard as we walked toward Jake's room.

Michelson pushed open the door and Jake smiled weakly from where he lay. I rushed to his side, fingers touching his arm, and face and chest. "Oh my god, don't ever scare me like that again," I scolded.

Jake laughed weakly and said, "I'm sorry babe, I'll try not to pass out in a public place again."

I smacked his chest lightly. "You know that's not what I mean."

He laughed softly. "I know. Where's my Avery Monster?"

"Right here daddy," Avery mumbled.

"Come here buddy."

Sue set Avery down and he ran across the room, throwing himself onto the bed. "Daddy you scared me," he whispered.

Jake patted his back and said, "I'm sorry buddy, Daddy's sick and needed some medicine. I didn't mean to scare you."

Michelson cleared his throat and I picked Avery up. "Come on Monster, it's time for us to go home."

"I don't wanna go home," Avery sobbed, "I wanna stay with Daddy."

I rubbed his back and said, "I know you do buddy, but tonight daddy needs to get some rest and we do to, so we're gonna go home and get some sleep and we'll come back tomorrow okay?"

He sobbed into my chest until his sobs quieted and he dozed off. I glanced over Avery's head and looked at Jake. "Sleep, we'll be back in the morning."

I took a few steps toward the bed and leaned down, kissing Jake's forehead. "I will see you in the morning," I said, then, "I love you."

Jake's eyes drooped, "I love you too," he murmured.

Sue and I left the darkened room and headed home. I sat in the passenger seat staring as the city rushed by. I felt seventeen again and being rushed off to find out my mother was dead and my step-father might not live through the night.

Back at home, I put Avery into his pajamas and tucked him into bed, then went downstairs, opened the cabinet above the refrigerator and pulled out a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Sue came in and sat down at the island, watching wordlessly as I opened the cabinet and took out a glass tumbler and filled it. I took a swallow, shivering against the burn. I turned to Sue and held the bottle up. "Want some?" I asked.

She laughed bitterly and said, "Just a splash."

I pulled another tumbler out of the cabinet and poured two fingers worth of whiskey into the glass. I carried it over to her and set it down with an audible glass on marble screech.

I picked up my glass and took a long swallow. "What am I going to do when he's gone?" I sobbed.

Sue swallowed her whiskey and came to me, "Honey," she sighed.

"What mom? What am I going to do?"

Sue rubbed my back silently. She seemed just as lost as I was. "Go to bed," she said. "It'll all be okay in the morning."

I swallowed the last of the whiskey and left the kitchen, stumbling up the stairs and into my room. I shut the door behind me and stared at the bed. It seemed...wrong somehow, to sleep in that bed alone. I walked numbly towards it, but stopped at the edge and stared down at it.

No, I wouldn't sleep in this bed alone. I reached down and grabbed the comforter with my left hand and my pillow with the right. Quietly I trudged across the bedroom and stood in the doorway of the sitting room. The couch stood on the far wall, it called to me, its siren song to tempting to ignore. Wrapping the comforter around me like a protective cocoon I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes.

I don't know if you exist god, but if you do I need you to listen to me. This is my husband whose life you are fucking with. I need this man, his son needs him too. Please, please, please, I don't know what I can do, or what I can say, but please don't take him away from me, from us. If you have one shred of love or care for this race that you've created you'll spare this one soul, that's all I'm asking. Just please, spare him. Please. If you do this one thing for me I swear I will never, for as long as I live ask for another thing.

Please god, please don't take my husband yet.

Please.

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Why - Rascal Flatts