CH 26: Attributing Blame:
Normandy SR2 (Deep Space):
"So in summary we now have a flying tank to add to our ever growing arsenal" Shepard said, "Any thoughts?"
"Yeah" chipped in Jacob dryly, "Our lives are getting progressively weirder."
"All in favour" asked Shepard and half a dozen hands shot up, "Motion carried" he said with a smile. "Okay we're moving forward and are soon going to be in a position to hit our next target, the derelict reaper located by the Illusive Man."
He gave them a hard look, "This time we'll be going in expecting trouble and I want to be on a war footing, ready for anything. I'm already planning on getting some shield modifications sorted out with Tali, but I want all of you to think hard for anything we've missed, anything which could give us an edge. I'll be round to irritate you later on as usual and we can talk about it then. Mean time anything else?"
There was nothing and after a moment James gave them the nod, "Right go do whatever you need to do. I need to check in on Kelly Chambers and see if I can make her tell me the secrete of how she stays so damn perky."
As everyone rose to leave he caught Miranda's eye.
She gave him a cool look, no flicker of acknowledgement, pure, calculating professionalism.
James frowned as everyone left and perched on the edge of the conference table with a sigh.
Of all the problems he'd anticipated when Miranda had kissed him, this wasn't on the list. Her doors had slammed shut and she was back in full professional mode…why?
What genius did you think this was Casablanca, that your roughish charms would sweep her away. Seriously how are you even still alive you idiot? She's freaking out and you, you're obsessing.
He needed to get a grip. He needed to talk to Miranda and thrash this out and soon, if he left it any longer it was going to create major problems. At least then they could get on with the mission.
First though he needed a word with Kelly. Unfortunately he was still the boss, he still had people to look after and a job to do. His own problems came after the team.
Kelly gave him her impression of a toothpaste commercial as he arrived, "How may I help you Commander."
"Hi Kelly what have you got for me today" he asked the young yeoman.
"You've got new messages and Thane would like to speak to you urgently" she replied.
"Okay I'll make sure to drop in. Anything else I need to know?" asked James.
"Nothing right now" replied Kelly, "Anything else Commander?"
James paused, "How are we doing Kelly, first gut reaction."
Her smile got wider which James thought was a violation of the laws of physics, "Were doing fine sir. Whatever happens we'll be ready and we trust you to see us through whatever we face."
James smiled, "Well then I better start repaying your trust Kel. I need to go annoy people with better things to do with their time. "
She nodded, "Okay…maybe we'll talk later."
"Sure" replied James with a nod as he headed to the elevator. He wondered about Kelly, of all the people on board she was among the most difficult to read.
"One problem at a time" he chuckled to himself as the door closed. He already had one enigmatic, beautiful woman who was giving him problems, he didn't need to go and create another one thank you very much.
Miranda was working in her office, as ever she was multi-tasking. She was working on a tactical assessment of the Hammerhead, its strengths and weaknesses. At the same time she was mentally cataloguing the team's weaknesses and working out how to best mitigate them.
All the while in the back of her kind she was replaying over, and over, and over again the events leading up to when Shepard kissed her.
Why did he do it? Why did she let him do it? Why…..why did she enjoy it so much?
Damn it, for two years she'd avoid any sort of complications, any sort of entanglement and it had worked. She'd achieved what should have been impossible and bought a man back from the dead.
Now….she was letting her feelings complicate matters, she was clinical, cold, calculating, that was her job, those were strengths. She had to look at things dispassionately not be blinded by biological urges like some hormonal teenager.
Even as the thought crossed her mind the door opened and the man in question stepped into her office.
"Miranda can we talk" he asked as the doors hissed closed behind him.
She sat back in her chair and nodded, "Yes, we need to discuss what happened."
He lent on the chair opposite, "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine" she replied, lying with all the ease that comes with practice. The truth was she was angry and confused and elated and exited and he was making her feel all of those things.
With an effort she pulled herself together, got her emotions under control and gave him the speech she'd been rehearsing in her mind.
"Shepard, what happened was a mistake, a moment of stupidity and we now have a serious problem. We have to stop this now before it gets worse."
Shepard raised an eyebrow at her, "I can't tell you what a boost that is to my ego" he said dryly.
"It didn't mean…...Shepard this cannot, cannot continue" she snapped firmly.
"No" he asked, "Because of the problems it will cause?"
"Exactly" replied Miranda with a nod.
"Hmm" he replied, "So not because you don't want it to?"
"No, I mean yes" she started then glared, "Look it was a mistake and we need to forget it and move on."
"If it's such an issue why did you kiss me" asked Shepard leaning against the back of the chair.
Miranda's eyes narrowed, "I did not kiss you, you kissed me and you shouldn't have" she snapped back.
"Not the way I remember it" replied Shepard with a grin, "At one point I was worried I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen."
"You cannot be serious" Miranda said incredulously, she felt her irritation rising she didn't need this. "You kissed me Shepard, it's your fault we're in this mess."
"You know it's a good thing you probably know how to speak Arabic" shot back Shepard, "You'll need it to ask a passing boat for a lift given how deep in de-Nile you are."
Miranda rose to her feet angrily, her patience fraying, "Are you really that childish Shepard?" she asked acidly leaning towards him.
"Hey I'm not the one who's refusing to deal with the consequences of her actions" replied Shepard leaning closer.
Miranda's irritation boiled over in a wave "Aaaagh, you are the most insufferable, frustrating man I have ever met" she snapped throwing up her hands and walking to the window.
"Flattery will get you nowhere Miranda, you still kissed me" he shot back with a smirk, "Bottom line you kissed me and I want to know why."
"Trust me Shepard, when I kiss you, you'll know about it" replied Miranda, turning to face him with a sneer.
"Really" replied Shepard with a snort, "Well I know I'm a bit out of touch after two years but I'm pretty sure I know when I'm being kissed."
Miranda strode towards him angrily, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Shepard, than are dreamt of in your one track mind" she snapped pointing at his head.
"Really, care to share your new insight Ms Lawson? It'll give you time to think of more excused." he replied.
Miranda's temper flashed, months of frustration, of dealing with an immature, childish, god damn pain in the arse boiled over.
Before she knew what she was doing she put a hand on his chest hand, her biotics charged, pulsing with blue light and shoved him hard back against the bulk head.
Shepard grunted in surprise, caught off guard by her sudden movement and before he could recover, before she even knew what she was doing Miranda stepped forward, grabbed his face with both hands.
Her fingers, her hands….her whole body wreathed in crackling blue energy, she pulled his face to her and kissed him hard.
This time she didn't fight him for control, she just took it. Shepard moved to touch her but with an instinctual thought she brushed him aside with the biotic held and held him pinned.
The kiss was hot and fiery, she let biotic energy course through her body and into his through her lips and mouth, adding a literal spark to the embrace. Her eyes closed, her lips met his, her tongue darted into his mouth and she could feel his heart beat quicken as she leaned fully into the kiss.
In that moment all her worries, all her fears, all the reasons not to do anything where washed away by the thrill like liquid fire ran down her spine to the pit of her stomach.
She held him there for a long time….seconds…..minutes she didn't care, all that mattered was the ever deepening, passionate kiss, the taste of his lips, the warmth of his body against her and underneath it all the pounding of her heart.
She finally broke the kiss, gently letting go of his face and stepped back away from him, the blue light of biotics dying out.
James found himself leaning against the wall and blinked several times, "….huh…em" he managed…..but try as he might he couldn't think of anything else to say just then.
There was a long pause as Miranda stood there in front of him…..looking just a little flushed he thought.
James tried to think of something clever to say…..a witty retort…..something funny…something…..anything.
Nothing came to mind. His brain seemed to have temporarily shut down.
Miranda raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow "Son of a bitch" she said quietly, "Son of a bloody bitch….that's all it took to shut you up for five seconds?" she asked with a smirk.
"I….you" James managed.
"That's the best you can do" asked Miranda her smirk growing.
James blinked and with a great effort pulled himself together, "Okay…you win" he said quietly.
"I'm sorry?" asked Miranda giving him a pointed look.
"You win" repeated James, "I concede…..I kissed you."
Miranda raised the other eyebrow and smirked at him, "Thank you" she said graciously.
"The first time" added Shepard after a moment, standing up from where he was lent against the wall.
The smirked disappeared and was replaced with a frown.
"God…what are we doing Shepard" Miranda asked shaking her head in disbelief.
James considered this for a moment, "Honestly…I have no idea and quite possibly something incredibly stupid…but I think I want to find out" he replied after a moments consideration.
Miranda looked at him hard, "Shepard…we can't afford this distraction, it's a weakness."
James paused smiled, "Maybe….personally I think it's called being human…..it's one of the more fun bits. Why are you scared Ms Lawson" he asked teasingly.
She looked down at the deck then back up at him with a mischievous grin, "Cautious Commander Shepard. It has been my observation that you tend to be found at the epicentre of chaos and disaster."
Shepard gave her a wounded glare, "Hey that's….I….actually yeah fair point."
Miranda paused biting her lip, "It's….it's not that I'm not…..interested Shepard. But think about what could happen. This sort of thing it's….its fundamentally against eleven different Cerberus regulations and for good reason."
James shook his head and grinned, "I'm entirely sure you're right but let me make a suggestion. How about just this once you screw the rules and do what you want."
Miranda perched on the desk and shook her head, "You are a bad influence" she said the grin returning.
The smile totally transformed her face from sculpted perfection to a radiant beauty and James suddenly realised just how far out of his league he was batting.
"You're only just realising this now?" he asked with a smile. "But I make up for it in other ways. Look the only question is, is it worth taking the chance?"
Miranda rolled her eyes and smiled, "Well since the only way found to date of getting you to shut the hell up is to kiss you…I don't see how I have much choice."
There was a long, long pause.
Then James grinned, "Okay."
Miranda nodded, "Okay."
James returned the nod, "Okay then….so now what do you want to do?"
Miranda paused, "I…I don't know. For now I need to try and get my head round this…I need to think, and work. We still have a mission to complete and we need to be ready, someone has to stay on top of the paper work."
James nodded, "Alright I'll…..I'll see you later."
James left her officer her head spinning.
What the hell just happened?
Had he just…..
With Miranda…
His brain was just catching up with what his smart mouth had said in there. He needed a moment to just take this in.
He decided to go and see Thane and find out what was eating him, he needed to think about something other than Miranda for two minutes.
He went into the life support control centre where Thane had set up his quarters and opened the door. Thane was sitting at the table, his hands clasped in front of him lost in thought.
"Thane….is there something wrong" asked James from behind him.
"Yes" replied the assassin in his slightly croaky voice without looking around, "Now that you're here though it seems more difficult to talk about."
James raised an eyebrow, "Are you feeling sick? I can get the doctor."
"No, no" replied Thane, "Though I suppose that is a part of it. My mortality has me dwelling on things. However I don't wish to burden you with my problems."
James raised an eyebrow, "Your problems are my problems Thane. Whatever's bothering you I want to hear about it."
The assassin rose and walked over to the weapon racks on the wall, looking at them intently.
"I had a family once. I still have a son. His name is Kolyat. I haven't seen him for a very long time."
James walked over to him and stood next to Thane, "That's…surprising although maybe it shouldn't be. I just don't normally think of people with our life styles having families."
"There is a reason for that I suspect. This life style is not conducive to maintaining a close relationship with those you love" replied Thane.
"How long has it been" asked James softly.
"Ten years" replied Thane, "He showed me some of his school work and asked if we could dance crazy. We did that when he was younger."
"What sort of dance is that?" asked James.
"Its…I check my extranet contacts. I expect an update on my next target. Consul plays music. Old. Unfashionable. Kolyat jumps into the room. 'Hi Father' runs around in circles. I scoop him up, toss him into the air. He shrieks, laughs. 'Spin me'. The consul beeps. I put him down. Click the message. 'Father' he pleads. Tugs my sleeve. 'I need to read this' I say. I don't look at him.'
James looked at Thane and raised an eyebrow at the rapid fire, monotone delivery, a sign he now recognised of the drell edict memory.
"What happened to your family Thane" he asked softly.
"I abandoned them" replied the assassin with crushing finality.
"That doesn't sound like you" replied James.
"Oh not all at once" Thane clarified, "Nothing dramatic. No sneaking out in the middle of the night. No final argument or slammed door."
"Let me guess" said James softly, "The job", he caught the look and shrugged, "I've seen it before to many times. We used to have an acronym in the brigade CIDS, Commando Induced Divorce Syndrome."
Than nodded, "That sounds about right. I just…did my job. I hunted and killed across the galaxy. 'Away on business' my wife would tell people. I was always away on business."
"I'm sorry Thane" James said softly because he couldn't think of anything else to say. "It sucks. But…..why now?"
"When my wife departed from her body I….attended to that issue. I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I have not seen him or talked to him since" explained Thane.
"That must have been a tough choice. I know what it's like to grow up without parents Thane, why didn't you raise him yourself?" asked James.
The Drell grimaced, "My body is blessed with the skills to take life. The hanar honed them in me. Unlike you Shepard I have few others. That was no life for my son. I wanted him to find his own way. If he hated me, so be it. He would not have shared the path of sin."
James exhaled, "That's….heavy stuff. Are you having second thoughts now?"
"Not exactly" replied Thane, "I used my contacts to trace Kolyat. He has become…..disconnected. He does what his body wills."
"Sorry I don't follow" replied James.
"The body is not our true self, the soul is" clarified Thane. "Body and soul work as one in a whole person. When the soul is weakened by despair or fear, when the body is ill or injured the individual is disconnected, no longer whole."
"You're saying he's hurt?" asked James.
"No. Something has happened which should not have. He knows where I've been, what I've done."
"You mean he didn't before?" asked James.
"No I kept it from him. Now he has gone to the citadel. I don't know his reasons but he has taken a job as a hit man" Thane said the bitterness in his tone evident.
He took a deep breath then asked in a formal tone, "I would like your help to stop him. He is….this is not a path he should walk."
"You need me I'm there" replied James without a second's hesitation. "But why me. I'm a marine Thane I do orbital assaults and long marches in the dark. I don't have your contacts and yeah I can track but you could run rings around me. Why do you need me in all of this."
"I don't need you help I want it" clarified Thane sharply.
"The last time I saw my son….they wrapped her body in sea vines. Weighted with stones. He tried to pull from me. Calls for her. The hanar lift her off the platform. They sing like bells. 'The fire has gone to be kindled anew'. He begs them not to take her away. They let her body slide into the water. He hits me. 'Don't let them'.' Stop them'. 'Why weren't you…'It rains. It always rains on Kahje. Warm water pours down his face."
James shook his head and closed his eyes, wincing at his friend's pain, "I'm sorry Thane, I didn't mean to make you relive that."
Than nodded, "Perfect memory. It is sometimes a burden."
James reached forward and put a hand on his friend shoulder, "Thane let me tell you what is going to happen here. We are going to find your son and we are going to keep him safe and I won't let anything stand in our way. We need to go to the Citadel anyway to take on supplies for the next phase of the mission, that trip just became my top priority."
Thane nodded gratefully, "Thank you Shepard."
James returned the nod, "It's what I do. I do have a question. Why the Citadel?"
Thane sighed, "Years ago I prepared a package for him. A relic of my ill spent life. I had volus bankers store it and arranged for delivery when I died. He acquired it early. I don't really know how. I did wet work on the Citadel around the time of his mother's death. That may be why he went there."
James nodded, "Well when we find him you can ask him yourself."
Thane nodded, "Thank you Shepard. I appreciate your assistance in this, I know Cerberus won't be happy."
James smiled, "Well that's just another reason to do it. Get some rest Thane we'll be there in a few hours."
"I will mediate until you need me" replied Thane and went back to his seat.
James was half way to the door when another thought struck him and he paused and turned back to look at the now seated assassin.
"Thane no one hires a raw rookie for a contract killing."
Thane replied without turning to face him, "I'm afraid someone may have seen we share a name and assumed we share skills. What I don't know is why he would accept the task."
James experienced a horrible moment of clarity, "To be closer to you maybe" he suggested softly.
There was a long pause and Thane bowed his head, "That thought haunts me more than any other" he replied.
James winced and turned to leave Thane to his thoughts. As he left he made a silent promise to himself.
'Not while I'm still breathing.'
James herd the door his closed behind him. This was serious. This was the worst aspect of caring for someone. If your family were in danger…
He'd had no one to watch his back when he was a kid. He'd been on his own and he knew what that meant. He was not going to let this kid flush his life down the tubes.
He'd had no one but Kolyat had his father. And Thane had James to back him up.
"Shepard."
A voice cut in to his thoughts, he turned around, "Garrus what happening?" he replied.
"I need to talk to you brother" said the Turian urgently. His eyes gleaming with anger.
"Sure, shoot" replied James.
"Not here" replied Garrus jerking his head towards the forward battery.
James nodded and followed his friend into the forward battery, "Okay brother you've got me sufficiently worried" he said, "Now what's up?"
Garrus turned to face him, his expression hard, his eyes cold, "I think I've got him brother. I think I've found the bastard."