"I Guess You Can Say that Things are Getting Pretty Serious" by Forever the Sickest Kids

Okay, I get your point, we're better friends than lovers

And if I had a chance, I'd do it all over

•••

As the boards come closer, April studies even harder, invests more time to it. The one great thing about is that Jackson is with her all along.

On the night before she leaves for Chicago, where the boards will be happening this year, April sits on her bed with Jackson. She leans on the footboard, while he's on the opposite side. They are surrounded by April's index cards and both tired.

She crosses her legs over the other as she speaks up. "So I'm nervous about tomorrow." She says it so casually that he almost doesn't believe it.

He pats her shin in comfort. "You'll be fine, trust me." He says confidently.

"Oh, I trust you, alright. I just don't trust the fact that I'll be fine tomorrow."

"April, stop bringing yourself down."

She sighs. "I'm just saying, if I don't pass this—"

He scowls.

But she continues on. "I'm just telling you my plans if things don't go as I wished. Now, if I don't pass, I will probably go to Ohio and take some time off. Reflect on what happened and try my best to move on."

"That's it?" He questions her.

"Oh, no." April shakes her head, strands that have fallen from her bun swishing on the side of her face. "I'll track down Todd Hatcher, the only guy who ever thought of me in high school and ask him to marry. Because, let's face it, if you worked too much on the computer since high school, you're probably some internet billionaire now."

"Assuming that he's single?"

"He used to reenact The Lord of the Rings every Saturday and post it all over the walls of our high school to promote his club. I think I'm gonna hold on to that." She deadpans.

Jackson laughs. "Sounds like a solid plan."

April nods, grinning. "Damn straight."

He fell silent for a second, all of a sudden.

"What about Matthew?"

"You mean assuming that he'll still want to be with a so-called doctor who can't pass the boards?"

"Don't be so naive, April."

She shrugs. "Just being realistic."

"And if you pass? What are your plans? Would you still leave Seattle for a better fellowship offer?"

"That," she points her finger, "I haven't actually figured out yet."

"Would you really leave everyone?" He asks, almost challengingly. "Even me?"

"You're my best friend, Jackson." She says smoothly. "Don't make me lose my focus on the boards by making me think I'm about to lose you again."

His eyebrows furrow. "You haven't lost me. I never left."

"Oh, but for a time, I did." She turns back to her index cards again. She mumbles, almost to herself, "You didn't have to leave this town for me to lose you."

He stares at her. "I just want to say I'm sorry again."

She asks absentmindedly, "Sorry for what?"

"For not being there for you, when you needed me."

April instantly knows what he's talking about. She looks up at him. "Jackson, that was not your fault. I may have gotten mad at some point but it was not your fault."

"It was." He sits up closer to her. "I should've been there to take care of you. Because I'd like to think that it's my job to do that. And I would never forgive myself for screwing everything up for you."

"Why not?" She asks. "I did."

Jackson looks down and shakes his head slightly before looking up at her again. "Because you're too good of a person. Too kind and caring and passionate. You didn't deserve what happened to you."

"It's in the past now, Jackson. Let it go." April says softly.

"I couldn't." He admits. "Not when all I could think about is if one small thing went differently, everything will."

"Maybe it's just not meant to be." She points out.

He purses his lips. What she just said is a solid punch in the gut. He averts his stare before leaning back on the headboard. "Yeah, I guess it's not."