Lies of the Soul

~Chapter 25 – Always~

BPOV

Edward was in the hospital for four more days, making his total ordeal two weeks long. He was extremely anxious to get discharged because it was the longest he had ever been away from Benny. I was able to bring Benny in to see his daddy in recovery, but he wasn't ever able to stay long, and he was so confused by the setting that he didn't do much but stare wide eyed as all the doctors and nurses came and went around him. But worse than Benny's confusion, was when it was time to take him home after visiting. He would scream and cling to Edward, which only made me worry about Edward's stitches in his abdomen, and it made both of them that much more anxious from the situation.

When he was finally discharged, Edward wasn't happy about the doctor's orders.

"Six weeks, no strenuous activity."

"Uh, the whole six week thing doesn't work for us," Edward protested, remembering my six week healing period after Benny was born.

"Well, it more like…"

"Guidelines. Yeah, we heard that before," Edward said like a smartass to the doctor.

"We just don't want you tearing any stitches. The endorphins released during sex is actually good for the brain, so we don't worry about that, so as long as you're comfortable, I'd say just start easy. We need a follow up appointment next week, and then another three weeks after that."

"Thanks doc," Edward said casually.

We decided to stay in Forks until after his first follow up appointment, plus it was Benny's birthday and we thought it would be nice to have the party there. Oddly enough, since being kidnapped and almost killed, Edward actually seemed a lot more comfortable in our hometown than he did before, and was in no hurry to leave.

Even more surprising than Edward's sudden change in heart, was the attitude of the locals. Edward's kidnapping, of course, made the town's newspaper, along with the truth about me. I would have sworn that there would have been a lot more negative repercussions from having my life exposed like that, but the truth was, it actually turned out to be a good thing. I got so many well wishers and ex schoolmates apologizing for things that I didn't even really remember. Everyone was so supportive and welcomed Edward and I back in the community. Even on our few casual trips to the supermarket for the party supplies, we would have old acquaintances coming up to us as if we were all best friends.

Half the town showed up for Benny's party in Charlie's backyard. Most weren't invited and I wondered how they knew of it, but that's just the way small towns were. It was almost as if the birthday party turned into a birthday slash welcome home party, not only for Edward, but for both of us, and it actually felt really good seeing everyone again. Edward wasn't fully recovered yet and he got tired easily, so he spent a lot of the party sitting, and Benny spent that time on his lap. Benny became Edward's shadow since he got out, they were always close but Benny seemed to be having a major case of separation anxiety and I think the feeling was mutual.

Edward and I never really discussed the 'Jacob thing' which had been the reason why he left, only to get kidnapped in the first place; too much had happened for either of us to really care anymore. But when Jacob and Leah walked into the yard for the party, I was worried that it'd all come back up to the forefront.

Edward was trying to show Benny how to do the ring toss game, but being one, Benny didn't have much interest in it. He didn't notice Jacob at first, but when he did, Edward immediately stopped what he was doing and glared at him. He stood, picking up Benny as he did so, and then walked over to Jake.

"I wasn't planning to come, but Leah thought I should try to make some peace," Jacob said hesitantly to Edward. I walked closer to them, hoping between me and the fact that Edward was holding Benny, that it wouldn't get too loud.

"I'm glad you're here," Edward said uncomfortably.

"Really?" Jake asked confused.

"I overreacted and jumped to the wrong conclusions, but after thinking about it for awhile, I'm actually really grateful that Bella had a real friend those last few months she lived here for."

"If it's any consolation, I'm sure you were never far from her thoughts back then."

"I was horrible back then, and it's something that I have to live with. I'm just glad she forgave me and gave me a chance to make it right."

Jake nodded absently. "So, that James prick was crazier then we ever thought, huh?"

"To be honest, I wasn't that surprised. I always knew he was fucked up in the head and his father was even worse."

"You know, I actually thought this was all my fault. Remember when I beamed him really hard on the sandlot? I was sure that I knocked some screws loose, or something."

"James was insane long before you ever hit him with a baseball," Edward rebutted.

"Yeah, I guess we should have all known that when he started tying sparklers to the neighborhood cat's tail."

"True," Edward agreed.

"So how long are you guys going to be in town for?" Leah asked.

Edward looked at me questionably, and I shrugged, so he turned back to Leah. "Uh, probably just a few more days. I have to get back to work, so we'll leave after my appointment on Wednesday."

The party was pretty much a success thanks to Benny's two diligently perfect aunts. I was so glad when they offered to put the party together for me, since I was so focused on Edward's recovery, not to mention the fact that I was horrible at event planning. It got late, and the guests gave us their well wishes, and all went home.

Edward's appointment that Wednesday came and went and before we knew it, we were back home in our Seattle high rise condo, but it felt odd. We hadn't been gone for all that long, but being back strangely felt almost foreign, instead of the feeling of 'home' like we were expecting.

Edward and I each went back to work, and Benny was back in childcare, and two weeks later, we got some unexpected news. We were having a BBQ, and Emmett announced that they had something they wanted to tell us.

"Rose and I have started the process of adoption."

"Oh, that's awesome man," Edward said enthusiastically. I congratulated them as well, but that wasn't Emmett's entire announcement.

"And, we're moving back to Forks," Emmett said abruptly.

We were all silent for a few minutes as we let what he was saying digest.

"I thought you loved it here?" Edward asked surprised.

"We do, but we've been thinking about it, and we really want to raise our child there, and we decided it's a good idea to get settled for a while before we bring a child into our family."

"Wow, so, you're moving soon then?" Edward asked in almost an anxious way. I was taken aback by Edward's reaction, I knew they were close, but I didn't realize how codependent they were in their friendship until then. They never let more than a couple days go by without seeing each other, and it was obvious then, that the separation was going to take time to get used to.

I had often wondered how much their relationship changed once I came back into the picture, but I knew then that it had nothing to do with me. Emmett wasn't my brother, not really, he was Edward's, and I was actually really happy about that. They needed each other far more than I needed Emmett, so it was actually very natural feeling to think of him more of a brother in law, than my biological half brother. Alice was definitely my sister, we had been through so much together because of our mother, that our bond ran deep, but she and I were so vastly different that we didn't feel the need to hang out all the time the way Edward and Emmett did.

"Yeah, next week actually. I got accepted at the Forks PD, and Rose is going to open up a preschool. Pop's been on the lookout for a house for us, so it's all good."

Edward nodded supportively, even though I could tell he was upset he wouldn't be able to see Em as much, in fact, they both were.

"But, we'll still see each other all the time, I mean it's only three hours away," Em said, probably trying to convince himself more than Edward.

"Yeah, definitely," Edward agreed halfheartedly.

Edward and I never really discussed Emmett's move back to Forks, but I could tell it was heavy on his mind all week. Their move was actually perfect timing however, because Edward was due back for his three week check up, so we'd all be in town together.

"Well, Mr. Masen, everything looks good. You're healing beautifully, and I'd say it was all a success."

"So…I'm free to do anything?" he asked the doctor suggestively.

"I wouldn't do marathon training or major weight lifting, but I think normal physical activity is fine."

"Ok, it's been fun; I hope to never see you again," Edward said quickly before grabbing my hand and rushing me out of the room. We hadn't been completely abstinent, but I knew Edward had been craving actual intercourse as much as I had been, so he was eager to say the least.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he took the keys from me and drove us onto the freeway.

"We can't go back to your dad's place, it's in the middle of the day and everyone is there. I want to make some noise, and I'm not talking about the bed squeaking kind."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "So, we're going all the way back home?" I asked confused.

"Nope, no time for that," he said with an inhumanly beautiful sadistic grin.

"Where then?"

"Do you really not know?" he asked as he pulled back off the freeway.

Of course I knew, then. There were two ways to get to the meadow, one, a five mile hike that started behind my childhood home, or two, a one and a half mile hike at the end of a dirt road which we currently turned onto.

"I don't know if a hike is what the doctor meant as 'normal physical activity'," I protested, surprised by his intended location.

"Please. A mile and half hike is nothing compared to our 'normal physical activity'."

"But it might be more then what the doctor would want you to be doing right now."

Truthfully, I really didn't want to be going to the meadow. Not only did Edward get stranded up there a few months before Benny was born, but the last time I was there was when I kissed him when we were fifteen, and I swore then that I'd never go back. It wasn't the best memory to revisit for either of us, so I didn't understand why he wanted to go there. I thought he was eager to have sex, but maybe he had something else in mind, I only wished I knew what.

He parked the car, and then got out and opened the trunk door. I got out much slower, and looked at my sandal clad feet and sighed. "I don't think this is the best idea, I'm not wearing proper shoes for hiking."

Without a word, he handed me my hiking boots and a pair of socks.

"You planned this?" I asked.

He smiled, and then threw a backpack over his shoulder. "Yep. Let's go."

"Wouldn't you rather go to a hotel or something? What about Benny; we probably shouldn't be gone for too long."

"I already talked to Rose about it. There's no getting out of this Swan, so let's go," he said, and didn't wait for a response before walking forward onto the trail.

I whined to myself, but reluctantly followed him. It wasn't that I hadn't missed the meadow, because I had and a part of me was really excited to go back, but since it was the location that permanently altered my life, it just didn't hold the same magic as it once had.

He walked ahead of me for a short while, but then he slowed down and held my hand the rest of the way. We didn't talk, we just kept looking around at the familiar forest as all our childhood adventures started pouring back into my mind with the intensity of an avalanche.

That was the tree where we carved our names.

There was the rock I jumped off of and broke my finger.

That was the spot he fell and cut open his hand, and then we mixed our blood. I couldn't help but glance at the scar on my palm after seeing that. He didn't say anything, but he knew what I was thinking and he smirked.

Finally, we passed the tree house. The harsh weather and years of neglect did nothing to diminish its perfection. It was still crooked and riddled with holes and gaps between the planks, but it was as beautiful as it ever was.

"Want to go inside?" he asked excitedly.

"No," I said with a laugh.

"Why not?" He seemed hurt by my answer, but that didn't mean I was going to change it.

"Because, we're both heavier than we were as kids, and I doubt the thing will hold us."

"I slept in there last year, its fine."

I shook my head, unwilling to even consider it. Perhaps it had nothing to do with the stability of the structure; perhaps I was just still afraid of the stability of our relationship. I knew he loved me for me and understood what happened in our past, but understanding it and seeing it were two different things. What would the memories of us there, do to our current relationship?

Edward saw that I wasn't going to budge, so he smiled and rolled his eyes before dragging me the final few yards to the clearing of the meadow.

It was a cloudy day, but not in the meadow. The sun broke through and shone brightly on the wildflowers that grew there.

"God, I forgot how beautiful this place is," I whispered as we walked into the warmth of the sun.

"When I came before, it was hideous; everything was brown and dead," Edward said.

"I guess you shouldn't have come here without me then," I said jokingly smug.

"You're right about that." He pulled off his backpack and kneeled down as he opened it and started rummaging around in it.

"What do you have in there?" I asked curiously.

"Snacks, of course."

He was such a smartass, and I absolutely loved him for it.

He actually had more than 'snacks', he had a whole picnic ready for us.

"When did you become so romantic?" I asked with a smile.

"Hey, I resent that question; I've always been romantic. Remember three months ago when I brought you home those flowers?"

"Didn't you say that your business building took those out of the flowerbeds because they were planting new ones?"

He thought about it for a minute. "Ok, bad example. How about when we were ten and you really wanted the Louis Garcia baseball card, and I spent every dime I could find to keep buying the damn cards until I found one."

I nodded. "I'd call that sweet, not romantic. I don't really think you were trying to romance me back then."

"No?"

I laughed. "No. Edward, what are we doing here? This is all wonderful, but….why here, why now?"

"Because I love you, and this is the place where it all started."

"It's also the place where it ended."

He nodded solemnly. "But I needed you to know something important, and I knew this was the one place where I could ever really tell you it."

"What?" I asked confused, and slightly worried from the sudden serious tone to his voice.

"You're not the only one who lied, because I did too. Here, in this place, the last time we were together."

"What are you talking about?" I asked quietly.

"When you kissed me, and I pushed you away saying I would never want to do that. It was a lie, because I … because I had thought about it before, and I thought about it so much afterwards too."

I shook my head, still unsure of what he was telling me.

"I was in love with you…long before I knew the truth. But I wasn't gay, and so I was confused and scared to feel what I was feeling. You kissed me, and for a brief moment, I wanted it, and I kissed you back."

I couldn't believe what he was telling me. I had thought he kissed me back, but I couldn't believe it no matter how real it felt. His confession changed nothing about our current relationship, and yet, it also changed absolutely everything.

"What are you telling me?" I asked, already knowing, but needing to hear the words from his lips.

He took a deep breath, and then grabbed both my hands in his. "I always loved you. Always. And I didn't understand it, and it freaked the hell out of me, but…." Another deep breath. "If…if you were the you I thought you were, and you didn't 'die'…I think…no, I know there could have only been two possible outcomes. One, I would have continued down the path of denial and self-loathing that I was in when Emmett forced me to clean up my act, and I would have ended up dead and-or homeless. Or, I would have eventually accepted my feelings and learned to live with them. I would have found you, and begged you to forgive me."

"You're not gay," I said quietly.

"No, but I loved you enough to know there was no one else on the planet for me. My soul doesn't give a shit what body you're in, and when I pretended that it did, I was only lying to myself. We belong together no matter what, and I would have admitted that eventually."

"And what, we would have gone partying together in gay bars and lived our lives as a homosexual couple, even though you weren't gay?" I asked incredulously.

He shook his head slowly, never breaking his intense eye contact with me. "No. We would have just been two people in love, and not given a shit about titles and labels. I swear, I would have loved you faithfully, everyday of the rest of my life. I would have made love to you, and never think about anything other than how much I loved you. Nothing else would have mattered but that fact."

He moved closer to me and released my hands from his. Slowly and gently, he cradled my face and rested his head against mine. When he spoke again, it was only a whisper and every word brought him closer and closer until our lips were practically touching. "You would have had the same endlessly deep eyes, the same fiercely passionate heart, and the same – exact – perfect - lips." He kissed me softly, soulfully, and it was unlike anything I ever felt before.

All of our kisses had been so full of love and passion, but this one was different, it was far beyond this world, and even the next. Long after our lips would part, that kiss would remain, it was immortal. Forever in a moment. Our Always.

We made love right there in the middle of the meadow, but neither of us ever experienced anything like it before. Our bodies were connected, and as heavenly as that felt, it didn't compare to the endless depth of our true unification. Our spiritual completion. It was an out of body, other worldly fusion of the very essence of our being. Like finding a high that no drug or adrenalin rush could ever reach. We didn't have bodies in those moments, because we didn't need them, and I knew then without a doubt, that he was right. We would have found our way back to that place, no matter what obstacles life threw at us, because that's where we belonged.

After basking in each other's love for an indefinable amount of time, he finally broke the silence.

"But, I would have been the pitcher."

Uh?

Understanding finally washed over me as I realized what he meant, and I couldn't stop myself from cracking up because it had nothing to do with baseball. I laughed so hard that that the vibrations that rippled through my body to his as we laid there still connected, caused a new wave of passion. He rolled over me so he was back on top, and slowly started pumping again as he continued with his playful banter.

"I would have done it for you, but I would have had to be the one in control of the situation, it's just a fact."

I giggled and moaned in pleasure at the same time. "No way, I was always the more masculine one out of the two of us…" I moaned again. "And I was always the better 'pitcher'."

He huffed. "You might have been the pitcher on the field, but not in the bedroom," he said, and then lifted my leg over his hip and changed the angel of his thrusting, hitting me in the perfect spot.

"Okay, you have me there," I conceded. "But its better that there's only one penis between us," I continued the joke as he continued the pumping.

"I think we can both agree to that," he said.

"We were always good at sharing."

"Really good," he agreed as his pace started to increase.

"As long as we both know that it's really mine though." My hands ran up his back and then knotted in his hair as our movements became more frantic.

"All yours," he said with an underlying promise that I knew he'd never break.

After we both came for the second time, he stopped with jokes and became serious again.

"Will you marry me Bella?" he asked, keeping our closeness. It wasn't the first time he asked me, but I was positive it would be his last.

"Yes, of course I will. I'm so sorry for ever asking you to wait."

"None of that matters now," he whispered truthfully, because there was nothing left. No pain, no doubt, and absolutely no forgiveness because it just wasn't needed. Edward was right, none of it mattered, our bodies were only temporary and what we had in that meadow, would last forever.

….

After placing a huge diamond ring on my finger, Edward surprised me again by somehow finding a way to sneak an air mattress and pillows and blankets into the tree house. I didn't ask him how or when he brought the stuff there, because I just didn't care. My fears about the stability of the structure, as well as the stability of our relationship, completely vanished because there was absolutely nothing that I trusted more than what we had created together. We camped out and giggled about memories of our past, and made love all night. It was heavenly bliss.

"Hey, I was thinking," he said after we were both quiet for a while. I had thought he was asleep from the stillness between us, and was almost asleep myself, but was thrilled that he wasn't. I loved talking to him, and I wasn't ready for the amazing night to be over.

"Uh oh. I thought we established that you shouldn't do that," I teased.

He laughed. "Yeah, it does hurt to think at times, but I can't stop until I talk to you about it."

"Ok, let's hear it."

"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad moving back here to raise Benny."

Two months ago, I would have been stunned by the suggestion, but since being there after his ordeal and the people were all so welcoming, not to mention Emmett moving back, I actually half expected him to want that.

"You miss Em that much already, huh?" I joked, knowing it wasn't wrong, but wasn't the real reason either.

"I was actually thinking about it before we left last time. I don't know, it just felt like…"

"Like we were leaving home instead of going?" I finished his sentence feeling the exact same way. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"As long as it's what you want too."

I nodded. "I really do. I want to move back home. But what about your job?"

"Well, I think I'm in a position to buy the company. I've been working towards that for a few years now, and I think I can do it. If I put Esme in charge of running the daily office, I can do the rest remotely and only go in when absolutely necessary."

"So, we're really going to do this? Like, really, really?"

He smiled. "I think so."

"What about the houses here? They aren't exactly upscale like what you're used to in Seattle."

"I've already looked into that," he said unexpectedly.

"Really?"

"There's a house just outside the city limit. Some big wig from the city came out here and built it hoping for the 'slower life', but then he hated it. It's a big white five bedroom, on five acres. I think I could be happy there."

"You really have put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"

"I just never knew I'd miss this place so much. Not just the forest and the people, but who we were and the simplicity of life….well simple for me anyway. I'm sure pretending to be something you're not, was far from simple."

"It wasn't simple in that way, but you're right, life here was good and I never felt really at home anywhere else. I want Benny to have that. I want him to have room to run and skin his knee, and get into some good small town trouble. I want him to make a friend that he can grow up with and find adventures with, just like what we had."

"Well, maybe not 'just' like what we had," he smirked and then kissed the crook of my neck.

"As long as he's happy, what difference does it make?"

"It doesn't, and we'll make sure he grows up knowing that."

….

The following week, we bought the house that Edward had found. It was absolutely beautiful; private and yet still close enough to town that we didn't feel too isolated. And three months after that, I found myself right in the middle of another over the top wedding, except this time, it was mine. Edward and I didn't want to wait any longer to get married, so we planned to just go down to city hall, but after a long winded guilt trip from Alice, we agreed to let her plan a wedding. First we said the deadline was in a month, but somehow she stretched that to three months, and finally that day had arrived.

Like with Emmett and Rose's wedding, I was way overdone, but unlike their wedding, I no longer felt like a drag queen. I loved the dress Alice picked for me, and I didn't even mind the pound of makeup she plastered on my face. We got married in our new house, and it was absolutely perfect. There were only around thirty guests, which was exactly what we wanted; small and intimate with just our family and closest friends.

When the minister pronounced us husband and wife, I couldn't believe the emotions that overcame me. We were already everything to each other so I didn't expect the last technical detail to mean so much to me, but since that day when he was in the coma and I couldn't sign for him, being legally tied meant the world to me.

No one would ever stop us from getting to each other again, and nothing could tear us apart. I was his, and he was mine, in every sense of the word. Forever and Always.

*Hey, I hope you enjoyed the last chapter. I didn't want to focus on the wedding too much because it really wasn't all that important. It was important, but I thought Edward's meadow confession was really the pinnacle of the chapter, as well as the whole story. Everything had been leading up to Edward realizing and admitting his true feelings, because everything before that were just LIES of his SOUL ;) After that, the marriage was mainly just a technicality. Plus, I always write big weddings and I'm kind of sick of it. Lol.

There will be an epilogue in the next couple of days. It may be short like the prologue, or it may be long, I won't know until I write it.

Thanks for taking time to read this, I really appreciate it.

Please Review.