A/N: Okay, so big meeting with Sarah coming right up! Thanks so much for staying with me, even through the intolerable lack of lemons – hahaha! Anyway, there is a surprise at the end of this chapter for you, a little excitement. And for those of you who noticed there was no teaser at the end of the last chapter, it's because I'm now posting the chapters as soon as they're done and don't necessarily have one waiting. I'm trying to fix that tho…

Oh, by the way...if I missed replying to any reviews, I'm sorry. I'm swamped with double updates every week, something has gotta give. Trust me, I read every last one and TRY to reply to every one. If I missed you I apologize.

So! Here's Chapter 25 – enjoy! CAMSI!

Chapter 25

No one said a word about my clothes, though I saw them looking me up and down discreetly. Everyone knew what was going on, and the few who didn't, like Alice and Leah, knew enough from the tense atmosphere in the bus to keep their mouths shut. I stood there casually, like this was no big deal, but inside I was roiling.

I thought about the picture. She'd looked older, but peaceful somehow – contented. Is that possible, or was I reading into it? I wanted her to be okay. Even though she'd done one of the worst things to me that a parent can do to a child, I didn't want her to be leading a miserable life. I wanted for her to have found whatever it was she left us for. Whether it was love, or serenity, or freedom – I wanted her to be okay.

Was that weird?

Edward was listening to his headset and relaying info to us piecemeal. "Stand by, security is working on it," he said. Then, after a pause, "Diego has taken her in." He looked at me meaningfully, not mentioning to the whole bus that it was my mom. Then, "We're clear, Wolves. Let's let the band go in last; Alice, Leah, and Rosalie, you lead the way."

I distinctly remembered that Blondie had been in the second bus with Emmett. She must have come into our bus during a gas stop or something. I hoped she hadn't told Bella anything else, but to be truthful, I couldn't concentrate on that anyway. I was too distracted with my mother and the upcoming meeting.

The girls came to the front and spilled out of the bus to the roar of the fans. I could see the security guys facing the crowd along the path they'd cleared, holding back the shouting group. The little girls were definitely in the minority here, and no one was holding up any signs, thank God. Either the little chicks in New Orleans had a firmer grasp on reality than their Miami counterparts, or my popularity among the bubblegum group was waning. I was pulling for the latter.

Eddie left the bus next, followed by Embry and Quil. The sound increased aggressively, but the security detail managed to hold them back. Then Seth went out, and I figured I was next.

I pulled Bells along behind me. Everyone knew by now of our big romance, and she and I appearing together was still high on Charlotte's list of marketing strategies, so it was only natural that she'd be in our bus. When I stepped out into the oppressive New Orleans humidity, the sound of the crowd expanded into a thunderous uproar that seemed like it shook the pavement. I waved and smiled, flashes going off on both sides as Bells and I moved quickly down the makeshift aisle of humanity.

We were in the venue quick. The path to the door was only a few hundred feet, so after a fast walk in the heat we were enveloped in welcome ice-cold air conditioning. There were security guys here too, and they directed us to a hallway where some guy from the venue was greeting us and showing the way to the green rooms.

"Mr. Black, you're in here, and Miss White, the women's dressing room is right next door," the guy said. I ignored him and pulled Bells in the main green room with me.

Paul came in right behind us and staked out the table and chairs, spreading his paraphernalia out, sifting through his stash for the stuff he needed to reach his personal paradise. I hated to admit it, but he needed it from the looks of him. Expertly, he tamped weed into his elaborate pipe and lit it, filling the room with the potent, skunky smell of his dank weed. The rest of us were about to get a contact high.

I shook my head in amusement. That guy was a walking advertisement for an intervention. I pulled Bells over to the couch furthest away from his cloud and we sat down.

"Do you want me to get you a drink?" she asked.

I considered it, but I shook my head. "Nah. I should probably stay as alert as possible, don't you think?"

She shrugged. "It might take the edge off," she said.

Still. I didn't want to breathe vodka breath at my mom the first time I was seeing her in umpteen years. "Nah," I said again. I sat there thinking. Was I ready for this?

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked, her eyes big with worry.

"I think I have to do this alone, baby," I said.

"I understand," she said. "But if you need me, then just text. I'll be there as quick as I can."

'If you need me.' Wow. Just that simple phrase made me feel ten times less anxious. It was nice to know – I had someone to count on now. Someone to help me when things got hairy. Made me feel a lot better.

I kissed her, sweet and soft on the lips. "Thanks for being so patient about all this shit, Bells. Really. It means a lot."

"That's what I'm here for, silly," she said with a little smile. "You think you're ready?"

"I think so," I said. "Ready as I'm gonna get." I heaved a big sigh and texted Deigo.

'room number?' I typed.

'32 – seven doors down from your green rm,' he answered.

'on my way,' I texted. I got up and pulled Bella to her feet. "Wish me luck," I said.

She put her arms around me and gave me a tight hug. "It's fine. You're gonna do great. Remember, I'm here if you need me."

There is was again. Yeah, that was a help for sure. I hugged her back and walked to the door. Taking one last lungful of pot-tainted air, I swung the door open and went into the hall.

My hands were clammy and my heart pounded like a drum as I walked to Room 32. I felt like I was doing that last 'Dead-man-walking' stroll, on the way to my execution. Nervous as shit, I gulped back the last of my anxiety and squared my shoulders. I'd show her who Jake fuckin Black turned out to be.

There is was – 32. I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it. Swung the door open. Stepped inside.

There. There she was, anxiously pacing the floor. She stopped in her tracks and stared at me, her eyes big and round, her face as nervous as I'd ever seen anyone's. I could only stand there, focused on her face. I guess Diego snuck out while I was standing there. I got the impression that he was there when I came in, but my mind couldn't take anything else in. I was in the same room with my mom. After all this time. She was all I could think of, all I could see.

I noticed her hands shaking. She swallowed once, and then her mouth opened like she was going to say something, but she just stood there gaping like a fish on a hook. Mentally, I shook myself out of it. Say something, my mind screamed.

"Sarah," I said formally.

"Jacob." Her voice shook.

"I go by Jake now," I said, strolling into the room. I was in control now. I was okay. As long as she couldn't hear my heart pounding, I was fine. There was a little table and chairs, the only seating in the room. I sat down in one of the chairs and pushed the other one out with my foot. Maybe it was rude, sitting down before she did. But I kind of wanted her to know that I wasn't just forgiving her right off the bat. She had some explaining to do.

"Sorry." She smiled a little, and it made me feel sorry for her. "Jake," she said decisively, like she'd made up her mind to change me to Jake in her head. She sat down too. Now I was like, three feet away from her. It blew my mind. "You look very nice."

"Thanks," I said shortly. "So. How've ya been?"

"Um…okay," she said uncertainly. "How have you been?"

"I've been great," I said. I looked at her steadily. She didn't say anything else, so I kept the conversation going. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Oh, Jacob…Jake," she said, correcting herself. She was flustered, and she took a deep breath and let it out. "Okay. Yes. I wanted to talk to you. I want to explain why…why I left."

I shrugged, cocking an eyebrow at her. "Go ahead. I'm all ears." I put my feet up on one of the other chairs, crossing my ankles carelessly, and folded my arms across my chest. I wanted her to think this was all very blasé to me, all very casual. Like I didn't have all my hopes pinned on this explanation, whatever it may be.

"Well…This all goes back years, back to when I was a little girl," she began. She looked at me hopefully, but my expression didn't change. I just sat there, staring at her. Tell me something good, I wanted to say. Tell me something that will make sense.

"You didn't know your grandparents, Jaco…Jake." She made a little frown and shook her head. She was having a hard time thinking of me as Jake, but at least she was trying. "My parents. Even though they were still alive when you were a little boy, you never met them."

My grandparents? What did they have to do with anything? And besides, I'd been under the impression that Sarah's parents were dead. Had been since before I was born. What the fuck…?

But my face didn't change. I just kept staring. Cocky as always, my chin up and my eyes narrowed. Arms folded over my chest. My expression neutral.

She's been expecting a response to that, and I'd surprised her or confused her by my silence. I saw her face change and then recover quickly. I held my tongue, silently watching, all judgy and shit.

"So they were alive all that time, but they didn't live on the Rez. They moved away when the twins were born. At...at my request."

I couldn't help it. My carefully neutral expression faltered for a second and my eyebrows met in confusion. She sent her parents away? Right when she had kids? Isn't that when you want your parents around - for support, advice, free babysitting at least?

She stared at me meaningfully, silently waiting for a response, but the only response she was getting was the change in my face. I didn't make a comment. I rearranged my expression back to the blank stare and continued to look at her. Waiting.

"Don't you want to know why I sent them away?" she asked. Hm. A direct question. I thought about it. Should I answer? I decided I could throw her a bone.

"Okay, I'll bite," I said in a bored tone. "Why did you send them away?"

Her voice changed, became emotionally charged. "Because, Jake. They were abusive. They beat me and my sister when we were children. My father was an alcoholic; my mother was weak. They were mentally abusive as well. My mother took out her frustration with my father on us. And my father...my father was sexually abusive too." Her voice caught. "I couldn't bear the thought that they might start the same thing again with their grandchildren. So I banned them. I banned them from seeing any of you. Banned them from setting foot on the reservation. Your father helped. He knew what I'd been through, and as a part of the council, he had the power to keep them off the Rez. They never laid eyes on you or your sisters."

Holy fuck.

Of all the scenarios I'd imagined in the past fifteen years, I'd never imagined that. Jesus Christ, what kind of an animal does that to a child – especially little girls?

I guess my meticulously bland appearance must've changed, because she peered at me carefully. "I see that this is a surprise to you," she said kindly, softly. I could feel my face had changed to a mask of horror and disbelief. How had she survived to become the relatively normal woman who was sitting across from me right now? "I thought maybe your father had told you about this, but I can see from your face that he didn't. He's such a decent, wonderful man, your father."

What the fuck? Now she was singing my dad's praises? She'd left him, left us all! So why was I suddenly feeling bad for her?

Okay, I couldn't keep silent anymore. "Ma!" I blurted. "What the fuck?"

It didn't even cross my mind how inappropriate it was to say that to my mother. And to her credit, she didn't even blink. "Jake, this is the truth. The situation was intolerable. I had to banish them, and I did. But I'd done research on it - on child abuse and the way victims cope with it. I'd read things all through college and even afterwards, when you kids were little. One of the things that might happen is that the victims sometimes tend to...repeat the crimes that were done to them. You know, my own sister never even married because of it – because of this ghost that was constantly over our shoulders. And, I'm ashamed to say this - but I felt myself losing control with you kids. With your sisters especially. They were challenging, and I could feel...I could feel that monster coming through." A sob entered her voice. "I couldn't do it, Jacob! I couldn't put your sisters and you through what I'd gone through. For a year, every night I cried. I prayed, begged God to take the feelings away from me, begged him not to make me do what I knew I had to do if it continued. And then one day..."

Her teary eyes met mine, and completely without my conscious awareness, a tear rolled down my cheek. I couldn't help it. I didn't even wipe it away. I was paralyzed.

She continued. "One day the inevitable happened. I almost lost control with Rebecca. I almost struck her. I knew then that I'd have to go through with it. I'd have to leave you and your sisters and your dad. Take myself out of the equation. For your safety. Because I loved you all so much I couldn't saddle you with the life I'd had. I had to leave."

"You fucked us up just as much by doing what you did!" I argued viciously, hating how my voice sounded all strangled with sobs. "You abandoned us!"

"No, Jake! Don't you see? I saved you! Look at yourself! You're not some tortured weakling! You're a strong, successful man! Your sisters are happy and content. If I'd put you through what I went through, you'd be...you'd be like me." She said the last three words in a defeated voice, beaten down like the child she must have been.

I felt the tears now. They rolled down my face unchecked. Damn. I was gonna be a wreck for the show. I wanted to tell her it was okay, she was fine - but the lump in my throat wouldn't let me talk.

"So I hope you can forgive me. I've wanted to contact you for years, but I couldn't. I knew you'd want me to come back and I couldn't risk it. So I stayed away, but I always watched over you and your sisters, as much as I could without contact. I always kept you three in my prayers. In my thoughts. I promised myself that as soon as I knew you were stable, I'd get in touch. And then, like a miracle, I read an article online about you. About how you finally had a romantic partner, and how good things seemed between you. How you were even talking about getting engaged. And I thought you must be okay, that my leaving hadn't ruined you for life. That you could still have a relationship with a woman, and that your mother abandoning you didn't leave you with the kind of trust issues I was worried you'd have."

Well, great. I'm glad she thought so. I wasn't so sure I agreed with her.

"Ma, you've got it all wrong. I am fucked up. Until Bella came into my life, I plowed through chicks faster than I changed my underwear! I probably fucked hundreds of girls. Till I met her I was the biggest man whore you've ever seen."

I could tell she wasn't a fan of the terminology but she didn't call me on it. "And now you're not. Or at least that's what I'm seeing on the internet. I'm sure I had a lot to do with your...promiscuous ways, Jake. I'm sure part of it was a lack of trust. But it seems like with this new relationship, you've moved past it. This woman you're seeing now, she's helping you. Isn't she?"

I'd vowed I wouldn't discuss Bella with her, but I heard myself agreeing with my mother. "Bells is amazing," I said. "She's probably the best thing that ever happened to me." As the words came out of my mouth, I knew they were true. This wasn't just some line of bull I was stringing. It was for real. More than the band, the success, the cash. I felt it. Totally right.

"You see? If I'd've stayed and if the unthinkable had happened, you'd be beyond repair by now. You'd be miserable."

"Are...are you miserable?" I asked after a second's pause. I really wanted to know.

"No, not now. For years, I was. But now I'd say I'm cautiously at peace. I know I did what was right, because I kept you and your sisters from going through the horror that was my childhood, but I still worry about you kids. You especially. The girls, they always had each other, and your father is an adult. But you…it's worried me for years what my leaving might have done to you."

I sat there with my feet up on the chair and my arms crossed over my chest. Could I forgive my mother for doing what she thought was best, even though it had hurt me so deep when I was only a little kid? I didn't know. I honestly didn't.

There were a couple of other things floating around in my mind, too. "I need a few answers," I finally said.

"I'll tell you everything I know, Jacob," she said.

"It's Jake," I said, like the stubborn asshole I am. I wanted her to get this straight. I wasn't Jacob or Jakey anymore. I was a different person than the kid she left. If she'd stayed, maybe things would have been different, for better or for worse. But she left, so I called the shots now. "And the first question is this. Why did you contact me? Why not Dad, or one of the girls?"

She took a deep breath and blew it out. "I decided that I'd be one hundred percent truthful in this meeting, Jake. So I want you to know that this is an honest fact – I really thought you'd be more open to me than your father or your sisters. I always knew that when it came time to come back into your lives, you'd be the first one I called."

I thought about it for a second and decided that this answer didn't satisfy me in the least. "That doesn't tell me anything," I said.

"Because you and I always shared something special! You and I were so close. You probably don't remember, but I had more alone time with you than with anyone, even Billy. I went straight from my parents' home to Billy's, and we were only married for a little over a year when the twins came. Once they were in school, you and I had three solid years of just being together. It was the best time of my life."

Ah. Well, that made sense. And I had always felt a special bond with my mom – which is what fucked me up so bad when she left.

I frowned. I wasn't giving her an inch, so I didn't react to her happy little story. Instead, I just plowed on. "Okay, I guess I'll buy that. Secondly, did Billy have any idea you were leaving, and did you have any contact with him afterwards?"

"He had no idea. And we talked on the phone once, about two weeks after I left. I told him then why I'd left and why I couldn't come back. He surprised me by actually agreeing with me. He said he didn't want any child of his to experience what I'd gone through, and he stopped trying to contact me after that. I know it was extremely difficult for him, but I know Sue was there to help since we'd always been so close with the Clearwaters. And I kept tabs on you all, through different people on the rez that I kept in touch with periodically."

"Like who?" I demanded. I needed to know this. Who had talked to my mom, given her updates on me? Who would do something like that?

"Mainly your Aunt Jane, my sister. You know she's also a distant cousin of your friend Quil, so she was able to keep tabs on you through him. And before you ask, no one knew. She was very discreet – she'd only ask about you in passing, and it was natural for her to be curious, because she's a blood relative. Quil didn't know, his mom and dad didn't know, and none of your other friends' parents knew either."

Well, that was an easy lead-in. "That reminds me of my next question. Ruth Lahote. Do you still talk to her?"

Sarah looked at me quickly, like I'd guessed some big secret. But she'd promised me she'd tell the truth, so I expected honesty from her. "Ruth…Ruth's a tough one. Yes, I still keep in touch with her." She didn't elaborate, so I felt like I had to ask.

"Is she looking for Paul?" I asked, straight to the point.

Sarah sighed. "She would like to speak to him, of course. But she doesn't expect he'd accept any contact – and she knows if he did reject her, he has a perfectly good reason. She knows what she did was wrong. I guess it's not that different from why I left – we both felt ourselves losing control. The only difference is that I was losing control over a situation I had no hand in, and hers was of her own doing."

She hadn't said anything about Paul being here now, with the band. Maybe the BelAire moniker had actually thrown Ruth off. Maybe she didn't know her son was a big rock star, touring with a popular band as its leader. I looked at Sarah, my face as serious as I could make it. Her eyes met mine for a second, and then she looked down at her hands in her lap.

"You want to know if she's aware that Paul is your lead singer," she said. It wasn't a question; my mother was stating a fact.

"Yes," I answered. "Well, Paul does, anyway."

"She's not sure. She thinks Paul looks like her son, but she can't be positive, and the surname is different enough that she still wonders. I haven't told her anything, since it's obvious to me that the reason he changed his name in the first place is that he doesn't want her to contact him. I think she's got herself convinced that it's not her Paul. She likes your music, though. And you can tell Paul that she lives in Nevada, and that she has no plans to contact him. She knows he doesn't want to see her. You can tell him she's clean now, and still regularly attends Narcotics Anonymous meetings so she'll stay that way. She's been clean for seven years. I see her every couple of years. She's working at a rehab center. She's in a good place, I think."

I shrugged. This wasn't my concern, but I was glad to have the info for Paul. "Thanks," I said. It was decent of her to give Paul some peace, anyway.

"Is there anything else?" she asked me after a pause.

I thought for awhile. I knew there were a million things I wanted to ask, but I couldn't think of them. Finally I came up with this. "What about the girls and Dad? Are you going to try and contact them?"

"I was going to ask you if you thought it was a good idea," she admitted. "And…and how is your dad?"

I looked at her with a slow head-shake, my mouth pressed into a tight line. "Okay, Ma, I don't know what to tell you," I said. "I don't feel comfortable sharing that with you. Billy didn't give me an okay, and that's private info."

She let out a sigh. "I understand," she said. After a hesitation, she said, "Is he healthy, at least? Can you tell me that much? You mentioned that the house he's in is wheelchair accessible. Is he in a wheelchair now, because of the diabetes?"

Shit. I was hoping she'd missed that, but I should've known better. One thing Sarah was always good at was attention to detail. Come to think of it, that's probably one of the big reasons my dad's health went downhill after she left. She'd watch his sugars like a hawk – I could remember that, small as I was when she left. "Yeah," I said. "That's all I'm saying. And I'm not telling you shit about the girls. That's up to them."

"Okay," she said. "How do you think they'd react if I called?"

I thought about that for a second. I really wasn't sure. Rachel would probably be okay, but Beck – that was a tough one. I hardly ever saw her, so I didn't know her as well as I should have. "I dunno." I shrugged. "It would probably be okay for you to talk to Rach. If I were you, I'd ask her if it was okay to talk to Beck. She talks to Beck all the time, and I don't. She'd know more about how Beck would react."

"What about your dad? Do you think it would be okay if I called him?"

"I honestly don't know," I said. "But I told him I'd call him after I talked to you, so I could ask him for you." I guess I could do that much for her. She's my mother, after all.

"Thank you," she said formally.

"Yeah," I acknowledged. I didn't feel a hundred percent okay with the way things were ending. She was getting off without any reprimand whatsoever "Y'know, Sarah," I said. "You really wrecked us as a family. I want you to know that. And Billy…it totally threw him when you left. He's not the same."

"Jake, he knew it was coming. Trust me. It wasn't entirely my leaving that put your dad into a tailspin, I promise. Something else was going on at the same time, something that affected him as much as - or more than - losing me. I told you, I called him and he agreed that I should stay away."

She didn't sound mad or agitated as she told me this. She seemed sincere. And she had promised to be truthful. But, really? What else could have been bothering my dad more than his wife leaving? I glared at her skeptically. "Like what?" I asked.

"I don't feel like it's my place to tell you," she said haltingly. "But believe me when I say, it was big."

Whatever. I had the impression that she was trying to point blame somewhere else when it completely belonged on her. This kind of pissed me off. She was implying something ugly, and I didn't like it. She shouldn't bash my dad. I felt that familiar wall around my feelings thickening.

"Okay, so…if there's nothing else, I have to get back to the green room. We're busy," I said shortly, wanting this to be over. I could already hear the sound check in progress. I knew Emmett would want at least some of the Wolves in attendance, so we could get everything straight, and I knew he was used to me being there for the sound and light tests. Plus I needed to corner him and ask him what he'd told Blondie with his big mouth. Now that the meeting with my mom had happened, I felt like I could concentrate on the other stuff.

Sarah stood up, and I did too. "I would really like to meet this girl, the one you're seeing," she said.

"I don't think so," I said.

"The articles I'm seeing are saying you're talking about marriage," she persisted.

"No. That's all for publicity. We've only known each other a short time. She's special and I have strong feelings for her, but that's as far as it goes for now. And that's not for the public. I don't want to hear that Jake Black's mother has an exclusive somewhere. You understand? This meeting stays in this room. You don't talk about it." I felt like I had to lay down the law. Plus I was sort of pissed at her now. I didn't like the way she was spinning this.

"I won't say anything, Jake. I promise. That's not what I want out of this."

She seemed sincere, so I nodded. "Okay," I said.

"Can…can I call you again? Maybe see you after tonight's show?"

"We're on the road after tonight's show. And I don't know about contact. I…I have your number. I'll call you one of these days, okay?"

"You promise?" she said, and in spite of my anger, I felt sorry for her. She sounded so hopeful.

"I'm not promising anything. And I'm busy because we're on tour. But I'll try. Our last shows are a two night stand in LA starting two weeks from tomorrow. Maybe I'll have some time to talk to you after that."

"Okay," she said quietly. "I guess this is goodbye then." She looked like she was gonna tear up again, and she looked up at me. "Can I have a hug?"

Ah shit. I cursed my softhearted ways. I couldn't say no to a woman in need – it was the bane of my existence.

I nodded and held my arms out and she walked into them gratefully, wrapping her arms around me like she'd never let go. I can't describe how it felt to be in her embrace after so many years. I will say that it almost made me a little misty, but I shook back the tears. I was a man – not a little kid. I'd forgive her for what she'd done, I knew I would. But it would take some time, and in the interim she was gonna have to prove herself to me.

She didn't want to let go, but I pulled away. "I gotta go, Ma. Enjoy the show." I turned away, leaving her alone in the room. As I walked away down the hall, I saw Diego who nodded at me and continued into the room. He must've been waiting out there the whole time. I knew he'd take care of the situation. I let it go, blanked my mind, and tried to think ahead and concentrate on the show. And I needed Bella. I needed her bad. As quick as I could without running, I went back to the green room and found her.

She was waiting for me, a cold Ketel in her hand. She gave it to me and put her arms around my waist. "You okay?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Is Blondie in your green room?" I asked.

"No, let's go." She took my hand and led me out.

When we were in her green room, she turned to me. "How did it go?" she asked.

"Okay," I answered. "Something bothers me, though. I told her about my dad and how he was kind of a mess after she left. She he tried to pin it on something other than her leaving. It kind of pissed me off."

"Do you think she was lying?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said, sitting on the couch and taking a sip of my drink. Bells sat down too. "She promised me she was telling me the truth, and I'm pretty sure she was being honest about everything else. It doesn't fit. It's like she's trying to accuse him of something. I don't like it."

Bella was quiet for a sec, taking it all in. "Did you ever find out why she left?" she finally asked.

I nodded, glancing away. I didn't really want to talk about it. Maybe if I didn't talk about it, it wouldn't be as real.

Bella got it right away. She nodded and stroked my arm. "Well, at least you have some answers,
she said, trying to console me. She was right about that; I did have some answers. And I had another question now, too. A big one.

Sarah'd said it wasn't her place to tell me what else had been going on with my dad when she left. So what did that mean? That I should ask Billy?

I remembered that I was supposed to call him after I'd talked to her. "What time is it?" I asked Bells. She pulled out her phone and looked at it.

"It says 4:30. Is that right?" she asked, frowning at the screen.

"We're in Central Time now, baby," I said. "You gotta get used to the time zones. Austin will be Central, too, but then we're in Albuquerque and Denver – and that's Mountain Time. Then finally we'll be back in good old Pacific."

"How do you keep them all straight?" she asked.

"Eh, you get used to it. It's worse on the way out. The first part of the tour is harder, when we're losing an hour practically every other night. The way back is much better – we gain hours back." I grinned at her. I still loved how new everything was through her eyes.

"I'm glad I picked it up at the end then," she said, cuddling back into the crook of my arm. She gazed up at me. "Are you going to call your dad?" she asked.

I shrugged the one shoulder she wasn't leaning on. Weird how she'd read my mind like that. "I might," I said.

"You want some privacy?" she asked. A little smile touched my mouth. She was honestly so freakin sweet it was hurting my teeth. I thought for a second, and then I decided it was okay for her to stay. For her to listen.

"Nah," I said, giving her a squeeze. "Stay, okay? I might need you."

"I'm here, Jake," she said softly, and I couldn't help it. I took a few seconds to kiss her properly, until she was panting for more. Then I pulled back and got out my phone.

I scrolled through my contacts until I got to Billy and hit the call button. He answered right away, sounding happy. "Hey, kid! What's up?"

"Hey, Billy," I said, a mile in my voice. It was always good to hear the old man happy. "How you doin?"

"Great! You know me, always on the go!" he said cheerfully. I had to laugh. He could be on his death bed and he'd say he was great. I made a mental note to talk to Rachel and find out the real story.

"So, I saw Sarah," I said carefully, getting right to it.

"Ah," he answered knowingly, a little less enthusiastic than he was a second ago. "And did you get the answers you wanted?"

"Pretty much. But she said something else that bothered me. I told her that you were kind of…messed up after she left…" I hesitated here. I didn't want him to think he'd been negligent as a dad in any way, because that wasn't true.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Yeah, and I kind of told her it was partly her fault, because she was the one who watched your sugars and stuff."

"Jacob. I'm sure she has tortured herself for years for leaving. It wasn't under her control. She felt like she was going to boil over and lose it. I knew the way her parents were, and how afraid she was that she'd follow their footsteps. It was the best thing she could have done. Leaving was the lesser of two evils." I knew why Billy was still and elder in the tribe, even though he lived off the rez. He could mesmerize with his speeches. "You shouldn't blame her."

"I'm not exactly blaming her. I just want to let her know it's not okay to leave a sick husband and three little kids. That's all," I said in my own defense.

"Well, I'm sure she knows that. She fought with herself for a long time over that decision," Billy said.

"It was the way she responded, though, Billy," I continued. "She told me that you weren't in a tailspin completely because of her. That something else was going on. So what the eff was that about?" Yeah. I didn't usually use the f-word with Billy. He was the only one that earned that distinction. It seemed disrespectful to the guy who had been taking care of me single handedly for 15 out of the last 21 years.

"That woman has a good memory," he commented. "There was something else going on. You were only a little guy, and there's no way you would have known what it was. But…yeah, there was a problem."

"What was it?" I asked. I was dying to know this.

"You can't tell anyone from the tribe, you understand? None of your friends. You keep this to yourself."

Billy never sounded more serious. Maybe this was a bigger deal to him than my mom leaving. Was that even possible? "Okay, it's in the vault," I said.

"Okay. I had a very close friend who lived off the rez. He wasn't Quileute. Lived in Forks. His wife had left him years before, and he lived alone. And all of a sudden, he was fooling around with Sue. This was long before Harry got sick. And I don't know what Sue was thinking. I know money was tight, and Harry was away a lot, living off the rez and working, trying to make extra money at these out-of-town manual labor jobs. But that was no excuse."

What the fuck was he talking about? Seth's mom and dad had marital issues? They'd always seemed so happy together!

My dad continued. "So anyway, this friend of mine – he was friends with Harry too. And one day, Harry came home early from one of his out-of-town jobs. Caught this friend with Sue – no nudity or anything, but it was pretty obvious from what I hear that they were just finishing up a tryst. Harry freaked out, lost his mind. He ordered this guy off the rez, told him he could never return."

"Holy shit," I commented. I couldn't picture Harry doing that. He was always on such an even keel.

"Yeah. So anyway, the guy felt terrible. I mean, it was just something that happened, and in his mind he'd somehow justified it, but now he realized that he'd almost broke up a family. It really affected him. He ended up leaving – moved away, and I haven't heard from him since."

"So that was the thing that was making you crazy during that time, Billy? Seriously?" This didn't seem that bad to me. A guy who was a friend and moved away didn't really compare to a spouse leaving.

"Jake, you have to understand. This guy and I – we were like best friends. No, we were best friends. We'd hung out since high school. And then with this happening right before your mom left, I mean – yeah, it was bad. It did make me crazy a little. I held it together as much as I could for you kids, but I'm ashamed to say I let myself slide. You know, that's a time when you lean on your friends, and I couldn't really lean on them. One was gone, and the other was working on his marriage. That's when the diabetes got bad, and all the damage happened. You can't totally blame your mom. This other thing was a big deal to me, too. I mean, this friend…he was a guy I'd spend hours with in the boat. We fished and talked all weekend, every weekend, for years, along with Harry. And then he was suddenly gone. It was big, I'm telling you. Even Harry felt bad about it."

Why didn't I remember this guy who was so important to my dad? I'd been six years old. Didn't this guy make any impression on me? Or was it that my little brain was so concerned with my mom that this dude leaving didn't even register with me? "Who was this guy, Billy? Why don't I remember him?"

"You remember," Billy said heavily. "If I said his name, you'd remember."

"So what's his name then?" I asked.

"His name is Charlie. Charlie Swan."

Coming up: Because wouldn't that just be too weird? If somehow the one girl I finally fell in love with was the daughter of this Swan dude…that would be too big a coincidence to ignore. I didn't remember a daughter, but then Billy had said that Swan's wife had left 'years before,' so maybe it was right after…I refused to think of it. Could she actually be his daughter?