Hey all! The doc I wrote this on didn't have any means of spell check. So if I butchered some words, that's why! I'll go back and fix everything...Eventually.

~Clary~

For a moment, which I wished could've been longer but knew not to push my luck with the world I was already walking on eggshells with, harboring feelings for a vampire — the sworn enemy of our kind — and toying with the laws of nature, it was calm. I could breathe, however labored and pained, rest in the arms and warm embrace I craved whenever I was anywhere else, and close my eyes, shut out this cruel thing called life, and pretend, in the time I refused to listen to reality, that everything was different. That we hadn't just killed three vampires, three rogue vampires, who were apparently more lethal than the already- invincible and unstoppable immortals we were up against. The only real difference, however, I could care to come up with between the vampires and the worse-vampires, aside from the overbearing energy in which the latter emanated, was the motive: vampires killed for superiority, for salvation, and for the kill. Rogues, they killed for sport.

I just hoped we wouldn't be stumbling upon anymore of them in the near future. Or ever again, for that matter.

"That's just great," Nick grunted. For all I cared, as long as he was alive, he could've been a mile away from where I was at the moment; to be reminded that he wasn't, that he was merely a yard away, that everyone was so close after having heard so much, it was sickening. I was dreading the moment the calm dissipated and melted into the storm. All at once, I rocked away from Jace and swayed to my feet, hating that in the time it took me to straighten out fully and clear the dizzy spells that swarmed my head, that Jace was already five steps ahead, a hand resting against my lower back to steady me.

Wanting to put as much distance between myself and anyone at the present, I took a rude, impicatory step out of his reach, refusing to meet his eye. I could feel my brother's gaze on me, so full of judgement I had to suppress from flinching. I didn't look at the people around me I knew would be undoubtedly filled with disgust and betrayal and hate, futilely giving my undivided attention to Nick, who was still rubbing at his neck as he too ascended from the ground, cursing and muttering explicits. He shook his head, movements aggitated. "Prick tried to bite me. Prick did bite me," he swore, bending over at the waist and rising like a snapped greenstick being manipulated. "Damn. This hurts like a bitch."

I was too overwhelmed with the impending intervention my friends and family surely wouldn't waste their breaths on adjourning for much longer to empathize with the vampire. I knew full well what it felt like to be bitten and fed from. It wasn't pleasant, and yet I would rather have a thousand vampires feed from me at once if I could just avoid my sealed fate.

"You know what?" Nick said, face srunched up in pain as he addressed the group. "I've decided I'm gonna convert over to my brother's ways if I ever have to drink human blood again. I sure as hell would prefer one of me to drink my blood out of a plastic baggie than straight from the juggular."

No one laughed. No one, besides me, was even bothering to listen.

Nick rocked on his feet, releasing a long, depleted sigh. He glanced over at Jace as if to say Sorry, bro. You're on your own with this one. "Tough crowd," he murmured, taking his hand away from his neck. There were two puncture marks on his neck, bubbling with scarlet blood, an eager rivulet streaming from one of them and seeping into the collar of his shirt. He wore a pained expression, but even he knew now was not the time to comment anymore on it, what with the awkward tension in the air you could feel like a heavy cloak drapped around your shoulders.

It was Alec — his arms still around a shaking Isabelle — that broke the silence, his eyes meeting mine for just a moment that expressed enough gratitude to leave me stunned, before he addressed the rest of the group at once. "Obviously we all just went through a lot. Let's focus on getting that cargo van across the bridge and then we can set up camp on the other side of the mountain and call it a day."

Clearly I wasn't the only one dreading having to converse about my coveted, secret relationship with a vampire, because Jonathan, though I could tell wanted to bring it up and had a lot to say, stayed quiet, already moving towards the van. A heavy strain coiled around each member in our group as we moved, as if we were apparitions, in step after my brother. No one was going to talk, at least not about what was on their minds; too perplexed and torn to be the first to wreak even more havoc. I couldn't tell whether I was more thankful, or now anxious tenfold.

"Okay," Nick hummed under his breath, clapping his hands together and rubbing them wildly together as he stared at the extremely heavy-looking and danger prone, but blessed cargo van before us. "Having this will make our trip a bit more chipper, and will take a week or so off of the time. We need it, and we're going to have to get it from here," he said, eyes trained on the platform we stood on, "to over there." His final words lingered in the air as his attention landed on the stationary ground, looking oh-so appealing if it weren't for the flimsy, rope and plywood-bound bridge separating its impressive distance between us. The contraption looked ancient, nothing short of ludicrous, and something only an idiot would attempt to ever cross. Now we had to somehow maneuver an eight-thousand-pound vehicle, and a bunch of humans from point A to point Z.

Oh joy.

"I suggest we each cross the bridge individually," Simon said, "and then have the craziest and most adrenaline-junky moron out of the group simply drive it across afterwards."

Nick scoffed. "Yeah. So then when the bridge snaps in half, not only will we lose our ticket to the holy grail, but a member of the group as well. Swell idea, Simon. Keep them coming. Unless,of course, you would like to volunteer yourself."

Simon gulped, looking uncomfortable with the mere prospect. "I was thinking more along the lines of Jonathan."

Jonathan rolled his eyes, but didn't comment, seemingly too drained to even think of something to retort back. That worried me more than words could ever describe, and the guilt that had been slowly ebbing away, returned with new resolve. Not to mention that Jace was being oddly quiet as well, but I was too regrettful to even dare glancing in his direction. That didn't mean I couldn't feel his body like a beacon, standing only a couple feet away, with no person or barrier in between our bodies.

"What if we get the van running, and have a small boulder, or something like that, keeping pressure on the gas pedal. It can drive itself across the bridge, and that way we won't have to risk anyone's life in the process," Alec suggested. Isabelle stood close to his left, still looking incredibly shaken up, but she nodded with vehemence at her brother's idea.

"Yes. No one's dying for an inanimate wagon," she said.

"Even if the inanimate wagon will get us to our destination undetected?" Nick reminded everyone, his tone irked. "Need I remind you guys that there are other rogues out there, and not to mention loyal followers of our father. If we decide to scamper through the lands without any means of protection, we're toast. The van says that we're from the kingdom, and it will get us there a hell of a lot faster than the rate you humans have been going at."

"We need it, we got it," Isabelle snapped at him, hardly keeping herself from rolling her eyes. "It's noted. I just don't want to lose anyone."

"Then why the hell did you sign yourself up for this?" Nick exclaimed. "Surely the job description didn't include happy times and a chance to bond closer to all of your best amigos."

"Could you be anymore insensitive?"

"Sorry if you don't get the immense importance that's riding on us, sweetheart — "

"Hey!" Simon barked, eyes narrowed at the dark-haired vampire. "Cool it."

Nick sneered in the human's direction. "Step off your high horse, mundie."

"How about you — !"

"Guys," Alec intervened, stepping inbetween the bickering trio. "Now is not the time. It's decided: we need the van and no one is going to die."

The silence the group fell back into was abruptly cut short. "The only real chance we have is for someone to drive the van across the bridge," my brother, sounding uncharacteristically reasonable, said. "It's just a matter of who."

"Well," Nick breathed. "I hate to say this, but 'this person' needs to be really small. Like, really light. Under-a-hundred-pounds light." His eyes found mine then, and I could see that he was being sincere when he didn't want this person to be, well, me. "Clary, you're the only human I can actually tolerate having around for more than thirty-minute intervals. This isn't personal, but..."

"No, I get it," I said quickly, nodding my head. I didn't necessarily want to be risking my life over an "inanimate wagon," but even more I didn't want anyone I cared about to have to either; it was better me than them. Besides, I was small, and normally that didn't come with the whole having to drive an eight tonne vehicle across a bridge that could probably only support fifty pounds at the most, but, hey. Maybe this meant that I wouldn't have to be in attendance for the Jace and Clary love scandal conferance that'd be held on the other side. Even if that also meant that I wouldn't make it because I would no longer be alive.

"No, I don't get it," a voice I could make out in a room full of screaming people said. Not only that, but the owner of this voice was standing even closer to me than he had been previously, and looked about on the verge of breaking some jaws. "Absolutely not," Jace growled, glaring murder at his younger brother.

Nick dropped his head, squinting up at Jace. "If I didn't think this would be absolutely necessary, I wouldn't have even suggested her, Jace. You know that."

"Let's forget the damn car," Jace said. "We would've had to go without it if it weren't for the rogues who chased us up this mountain; what would we have done then? We would've found a way. Let's climb back down and go around, and keep going. We don't need it like you say we do."

"Really? You don't think there will be more rogues down the road? Next time there won't be a van to run to. We'll be trapped, and then Clary — and everyone else — will meet a fate there's no escaping. This will prevent that from happening — "

"Yeah, after the bridge will break the moment eight-thousand pounds touches it and Clary will have risked her life for nothing. I'll do it if it's so damn important."

My heart lurched into my throat at the thought of Jace putting his neck on the line in place of me, and I feinted towards him, grabbing his arm. For just a moment I registered Jonathan watching our exchange, how Jace immediately deflated at my touch, how I'd reacted so strongly and without hestitation, and I debated stepping away again, but now wasn't the time. It didn't matter. And I wouldn't let it until I was left with no more room to run.

"Understandable, brother," Nick relented. "But considering you're more than double her weight, you double the chances of the bridge giving out. The next most logical person in line would be Isabelle; the girls are really the only option we have here. If that weren't the case, I'd volunteer myself if it meant keeping Clary from having to do this. However, it is the case."

"Unbelievable," Jace cursed under his breath, shaking his head and rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Then I'll do it," Isabelle suddenly said, sounding impatient and just ready to get it all over with. "Clary saved my life. It's only fair that I do the same."

Her eyes met mine and she smiled, nodding her head at me, but I was already shaking mine in protest before Alec or Simon could do the same. "No. The fact that you would do that for me is enough, Iz," I told her. "But it's not happening. I'll do it. That's it. No more interjections."

Nearly everyone in the group opened their mouths to argue, but they were cut off by the look I gave them. It was absolute.

"Clary," I heard my brother say, and he sounded as if he hadn't meant for it to be so loud, like it was supposed to be a silent plea. I turned around to face him, and my eyes prickled at the sight of him. I don't think I expected my brother to still love me the same after he found out about Jace, but then I realized how stupid I'd been; he was my brother and he'd always love me. His eyes said that much.

I grabbed his hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "It's okay, Jon. I'll be fine." I turned away from him the moment before it became unbearable and I ended up crying in front of everyone; showing them that I was scared, that I wasn't as sure about this as I was letting on to be would result in more protest and wasted time.

"Okay, wonderful. Now my best friend is going to risk her life," Simon said. "There's just one problem: she doesn't even know how to drive."

Everyone blanched at that, including me. Simon was right. The only driving experience I had was sitting on Jace's lap and placing my hands over his on the steering wheel; I hadn't actually driven myself, though.

"She'll learn," Nick said quickly, sensing everyone's alarm.

"All right," Jace said, "slowly — this time, Clarissa, slowly — put the car in drive. No, no, no! That's reverse!"

We were suddenly flying backwards, and I only could think to press harder on the gas as Jace screamed at me to break. It was only when we were a yard from flying off the side of the mountain did Jace reach over my body and pull a black nozzle. We were suddenly stopped at a speed that left me bouncing against my seat, my mind someplace far, far away from my head, and neck and body still recovering from whiplash.

Jace had returned to his seat and was staring up at the ceiling. We were both breathing heavily when we looked at each other. "Let's try this again," he said, smiling tightly.

"I'm going to say this one more time: you can't press the gas when you're in park. Got it?" Jace said.

"Got it," I said, nodding adamantly, already reaching for the gear shift.

"Ah!" Jace stopped me, trying to look less panicked than he was. "Slowly."

"Okay. Slow, I got it."

Needless to say, I hadn't heard a thing he'd said.

"Jonathan!" Nick shouted at my brother, and Jace and I leaned out of our respective windows to see what he was going on about.

I saw my brother doing push-ups on the ground like a mad man. "What the hell are you doing?" Simon said.

"I'm trying to lose weight so Clary won't have to do this. She's hopeless."

"Oh come on," Nick scoffed. "She's not that bad."

It was only a couple seconds the words left his mouth that Nick even registered what he'd said, and his lie was clearly written in his transparent expression as he flashed me an uneasy smile, shooting a thumbs up in my direction.

I fell back against my seat, rubbing a hand over my face.

"You're doing fine," Jace told me, voice strained. "Just remember to stay below ten miles-per-hour."

I breathed out shakily. "How do I know what my speed is? I know you already told me, but..."

Jace cringed. "I'm going to go over the parts one more time."

Three hours later, the sky a now-pale colbalt, a telltale sign that night was nearing, I was able to at least drive forward without running into anything. Everyone besides Jace, who was still sitting next to me, looking more than apprehensive to leave, was on the other side, having successfully cleared the lethal endeavor of the bridge. I tried not to let the rickety and unstable journey each of my friends had encountered when it came their turn get to me. Simon and Alec had fallen, only to have to rely heavily on the makeshift stream of rope on either side of them to regain their balance, and even Nick had trouble; Isabelle, the lightest of the three seemed to have the least amount of problems. Still, she'd taken her time and the bridge had swayed left and right, back and forth, with her every step.

So much was riding on me and I didn't even know if I'd make it out alive. Nick was right when he said this van meant everything to the end result of our mission. There were too many obstacles and trapdoors to get through if we continued on foot, and the problem that existed in our world would only have gotten worse in the four weeks it would originally have taken us to return home. I couldn't risk staying away from my father longer than I had to, not with the presence of vampires looming over all of our heads. I simply had to drive across a bridge, and without all of the factors and technicalities, it sounded easy enough. I knew it wasn't, but if I looked too much at the pretext, I knew my chances weren't great.

I took a deep breath, repositioning my grip on the wheel. For the past few hours, Jace hadn't brought anything up where our personal lives were involved, but I could see it had taken all of his better judgement and restraint from letting something slip; I knew he didn't want to make my mind even more muddled with our relationship to worry about on top of everything else. I was thankful, but at the same time I was dying for some form of assurance, so that I knew we'd be okay.

"Clarissa," he breathed, touching my arm gently and tearing my eyes off of the bridge. "What I said about you to the rogues...I didn't mean any of it."

I looked at him levelly. The pang of his words still resounded inside me with vigor, but I pressed my lips together and nodded. I hoped that was true, I hoped with everything in me. At the same time, though, I couldn't help but believe in what he'd said earlier. Of course he thought I was weak, at least compared to him. He was a vampire, strong in every fibre of his being; a predator who preyed on humans like me. All vampires had to think of us the same, even if Jace did love me. There was truth that could not be taken back once voiced. I had a lot to say to him, but I wanted to leave off on a good note. This could very well be the last time I ever saw him.

"I mean that, okay?" he said, deep, gold eyes pooling into my own. "You're the strongest person I know, and the bravest, and before you try to argue otherwise, just look at what you did today. Jonathan is alive because of you. Isabelle is alive because of you. Hell, every person here is; you managed to kill a vampire when I left you vulnerable. You're not weak. You're anything but. And now, you're risking your life for the betterment of the group. Being selfless is perhaps the thing that makes a person as strong as he — she —is."

I looked down at his hand on my arm, pulling my other hand off of the wheel to touch his. In the pure essence of the moment, I brought my lips down to where our two hands met and pressed a sweet kiss there.

"You're going to do it, Clarissa. I have more faith in you than anyone," Jace whispered, smiling ever so slightly.

I nodded quickly, for fear I'd start crying.

Jace was called away by Nick only moments later, and then he was leaving me with a wink that melted my insides and flopped my stomach. I distantly heard him tell Nick to go to hell along with this bright idea of his, before he turned around briefly to give me an assuring smile. He'd be crossing the bridge next, and then it was my turn.

Hopefully it isn't too obvious that I haven't gotten around to editing this chapter. Regardless, I also hope it was enjoyable enough! Let me know what you guys think, and don't keep any predictions to yourselves. I want to hear 'em.

Until next time, peace.