Author's Note: Everyone's comments = WIN. You guys have GALL (hehe) to speak up and say 'Hey, this needs more attention' or 'Hey, you totally missed this' and I fucking love you all for it because this project is pretty darn intensive and I'm gonna miss things occasionally, but with lovely reviewers like you they won't stay missed for long.

So yeah, you guys kick booty.

Oh, and my apologies for any typos/errors, I don't have a beta and I can only re-read these things so many times before everything starts blurring together, you know? So if you see something's wrong please don't hesitate to let me know, typos annoy me as much as they do you. =D

Season One, Episode Twenty-Six: Devil in the Dark

The first two and a half minutes can be described by the following sequence of words: Planet, backdrop, cave, jumpsuit, dude, alone, noise, death.

That is all you need to know.

Titles!

Kirk: "Captain's Log, Stardate 3196.1: A distress call from the Per Giem production station on Janas VI has brought the Enterprise to that long established colony. Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy and I beam down to meet with chief engineer Vanderberg, administrative head of Janas VI."

So the BAMF Trio is on the planet, and lead to Vanderberg's office to talk about a mysterious monster killing a shit ton of the workers.

Psssssh, okay Cliffs Notes…attacks started when they opened up a new level in the cave…the planet is like drowning in mad crazy bling…metal began dissolving for no reason…hilariously simple map of the tunnels yay 60s…people were found burned down to nothing oh noes…well it could be volcanic activity but wait there is none on this planet…the last dude that got melted was only three levels below the one their on now…McCoy goes off to look at basically ashes so I don't know wtf he's gonna learn from that…they posted guards but it turns out the guards weren't melt-proof…some guy pops up to say he's seen the monster and can only describe it as big and shaggy so it's either an alien or Clifford the Big Red Dog…the random guy is awfully judgmental of Starfleet officers for a guy wearing a purple jumpsuit…Spock picks up a big smooth round thing and it's a silicon nodule…Vanderberg gets snippy too…Spock throws Kirk a fantastic 'well isn't he just a ball of awesome' look…McCoy comes back and is all 'whoaaa, that bitch got fried by some wicked acid'…Spock figures that there's more than one creature because he wasn't born yesterday…Kirk wonders how the hell to find the thing when there's no reading of life…Spock suggests forcing it to appear…Vanderberg states that when the creature appears men die and we wonder who the hell put him in charge of an entire facility…cut to a scene of a random dude getting killed by the monster…the alarm sounds that someone's dead…Vanderberg, Spock, and Kirk investigate…whups the monster stole the main circulating pump for the entire reactor and there's no replacement…the audience wonders why the facility didn't carry a spare oh-shit-this-thing-runs-the-whole-facility…apparently without the pump everything will go to shit in a few hours…oh yeah then this happens:

Kirk: "It seems we've been given a choice: Death by asphyxiation, or death by radiation poisoning."

(((STILL no cake option. ::Shakes head:: )))

Well they don't have a spare pump on the ship but Kirk orders Scotty to throw something together to hold the place together in the mean time.

(((You know, a knob here, a dial there, that's physically possible, right?)))

Vanderberg then gets all touchy about his people being in danger, and Kirk promises that they'll find the freaky monster thing before evacuating the planet becomes the only choice left.

Vanderberg: "I'm concerned with my people right here, Kirk, they're being murdered. You find that monster and kill it!"

Cut to Spock, Kirk and McCoy having some coffee.

(((So I guess that's a 'no' to the 'kill the monster' thing then, eh?)))

Spock thinks the monster is uber smart and deliberately took the pump. Why now and not earlier? Who knows. Spock then wanders over to the silicon nodule and suggests that the lifeform might be pureply based on silicon. This warrants a lovely strike of dramatic music. Kirk runs with the theory, but McCoy insists that it's impossible, that a life form like that wouldn't survive in this atmosphere, but aha! Spock suggests that it might be able to survive for a little while before returning to its own environment somewhere. McCoy still thinks it's insane but Kirk is all, "Hey, it's a theory, it's the only one we've got, it works for me and I'm the cap'n so it works for everybody."

(((It's an insane theory…but Spock said it so it's gotta be worth something.

…that's what Kirk seems to be thinking anyway.)))

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, have Lt. Commander Giotto assemble the security troops and arm them with phaser number 2, you make the proper adjustments."

Spock doesn't seem to be listening though. Instead his eyes are focused on the silicon nodule resting on Vanderberg's desk. Kirk notices this, slowly walks around the desk, leans his hands on the table, and leans forward.

Kirk: "You seem…fascinated by this rock."

(((If you don't notice the distinct change in Kirk's tone from business to something a bit more intimate, then you need to see a doctor. Because you have gone deaf, and that is bad.)))

Spock muses that there could be a connection between the workers finding thousands of these nodules on the lowest level and the appearance of the monster, but he wants to think about it some more because he doesn't want to give McCoy another reason to be a bastard.

(((Aw, Spock doesn't want to be ridiculed. How cuuuute. =D )))

Cut to the room where the pump was stolen. Scotty has rigged up some kind of miracle to keep it going for about forty eight hours but that's all he can do. Kirk tells him to do whatever he can to keep it running, "kiss it, baby it, flatter it if you have to."

(((That line always reminds me of Spock's line in Taste of Armageddon, "Sit on her if you have to." There's no theory or anything behind this…I just like it.)))

Cut to Kirk in full on Captain Mode as he gives orders to a handful of guys…all in red shirts.

(((Poor saps.)))

Kirk's orders are as such: "Find it, kill it, don't die while doing it."

(((Well if you didn't want them to die you shouldn't have had them wear red. Honestly, Kirk, it's like you don't even watch your own show.)))

Cut to the tunnels, where everyone is searching the caves.

(((The set itself is one giant, amazing Yay 60s moment in and of itself. Holy. Shit.)))

Kirk and Spock are searching together, alllll alooooooone. Spock starts picking up a life form on his tricorder.

(((In Closeness-Is-Cute News: Kirk edges just a liiiittle closer to Spock to get a look at the tricorder while Spock is reporting on the life sign.)))

They both duck into a tunnel to investigate the reading.

Meanwhile, the first random crewman gets melted by the monster. Spock and Kirk run over immediately, they weren't far off to begin with. Spock walks forward to take further readings, Kirk kneels next to the puddle of ash that used to be one of his crewmembers and takes a moment to let the loss properly punch him in the face.

(((I hate seeing Kirk in pain over losing a crewman almost as much as Kirk seems to hate losing crewman…but that's just the inner fangirl talking. I'll tell her to fuck off now.)))

Spock calls Kirk over to a freshly made tunnel. They both wonder aloud how something could have made such an endless tunnel in such a short- OMGWTFBBQ!!!

The infamous monster lurches into view, and it looks like some sort of plastic…lava…rug…a Plavarug, if you will, complete with some poor producer's nephew underneath it trying to give the damn thing some life.

(((Yay 60s really, really seems like an understatement here.)))

All Kirk and Spock can really do is fire at the thing, and it soon scurries back where it came from.

A couple of random crewmen run over so they can be annoying while Kirk and Spock try to figure out exactly what the hell the thing is. They pick up the piece of it they shot off and study it.

(((As hilariously ridiculous as the thing is, kudos to the prop guy for getting it to move and fluctuate a little as they hold it.)))

Spock deduces that the Plavarug is what's responsible for all the trouble around here because that's incredibly obvious. Kirk orders the random crewmen to tell the other random crewmen that now the thing is wounded and probably pissed so, you know…watch out for that and stuff.

Spock then tells Kirk that there's only one creature detected, but there's thousands of tunnels. He then figures that it could be the last of a dying species.

Spock: "If so, if it is the only survivor of a dead race, to kill it would be a crime against science."

(((Uh oh, Spock's never-wavering respect for life and science has kicked in.)))

Kirk finds this so dramatic that he has to walk away a few steps and look off into the distance.

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, our mission is to protect this colony, to get the Per Giem moving again, this is not a zoological expedition."

(((Shatner, I love you to death, but you need to slowly kill whoever told you that the way you pronounce 'zoological' is anything but hilarious.)))

Kirk: "Maintain a constant reading on the creature. If we have to we'll use our phasers to cut our own tunnels, we'll try to surround it."

Spock steps closer to him, silently asking about the Plavarug's life.

Kirk: "I'm sorry, Mr. Spock, but I'm afraid the creature must die."

Spock: "I see no alternative myself, captain. Merely seems a pity."

(((Oh, okay then, so Spock's not happy about it but he knows that it's one life vs. many. Got it.)))

Cut to Kirk going all captain on a bunch of random crewmen's asses again, instructing them to be even MORE careful this time, and aim for whatever the hell looks like it's head. He then hands it over to Spock, who tells the crewmen the creature's last known whereabouts, and oh yeah this:

Spock: "This particular group will move out beyond that are in all directions in an effort to surround it, possibly capture it."

Kirk's head snaps up at that last part.

(((Uh oh, Spock tried to slip in some of his own orders there. That's pretty damn huge, we've never seen him do that before.)))

Kirk: "Your orders are shoot to kill. Protect yourself at all times."

Kirk dismisses the men, and they are now alone.

Kirk: "Mr. Spock…"

(((Oooooo, you're in troublllleeee.)))

Kirk: "Capture it? I don't recall giving any such order."

Spock: "You did not, sir, I merely thought that if the opportunity arose-"

Kirk: "I will lose no more men. The creature will be killed on sight and that's the end of it."

Spock looks at Kirk for a moment.

Spock: "Very well, sir."

(((Thus endeth Kirk's obligatory captainly chiding and thus begins...well…hehehe…)))

He moves to leave.

Kirk: "Mr. Spock…"

Kirk: "I want you to assist Scotty in maintaining that makeshift circulating pump."

Spock is taken back by this order.

Spock: "I…I beg your pardon, sir?"

(((When was the last time you heard Spock stutter? What was that, NEVER? Right.)))

Kirk: "You heard me. It's vital that we keep the reactor in operation."

(((The 'You heard me' was soft, somewhat low. For the rest of the line Kirk snaps up the captain tone for a moment, but that first line was, well, fascinating…)))

Kirk: "Your scientific knowledge-"

Spock: "Is not needed there, sir. Mr. Scott has far more knowledge of nuclear reactors than I do. You're aware of that."

(((Why, Spock, you make a brilliant point. Three brilliant, points actually. You are tremendously NOT needed to help Scotty, and Kirk even KNOWS this, so then why would Kirk offer up that exceedingly lame excuse?)))

Kirk's eyes flicker downward for a moment.

(((We literally see Kirk change tactics right here. Stupid Excuse A didn't work, so now he's gonna try for Stupid Excuse B.)))

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, you are second in command. This will be a dangerous hunt. Either one of us, by himself, is expendable. Both of us are not."

Spock: "Captain, there are approximately one hundred of us engaged in this search, against one creature. The odds against you and I both being killed are two thousand two hundred twenty eight point seven…to one."

Kirk: "Two thousand…two hundred twenty eight point seven…to one? Those are pretty good odds, Mr. Spock."

(((The SMILE Kirk gives SPOCK during that very last LINE is made of ADORABLE and SEX. Kirk can't hold it back anymore, Spock is just too adorable with his numbers and his logic, he just HAS to start flirting.

SERIOUSLY…UNF.)))

(((Well, Stupid Excuse B failed miserably too. So let's see here, Kirk wants to keep Spock out of danger and there's no official, Starfleet reason as to why. Then why doesn't he just say it? Maybe because the reason is far too personal, too revealing to let slip. Really, that's the only reason he wouldn't just freaking tell his first officer the reason behind an order.

And let's not forget Spock in all of this. Kirk orders him out of danger, away from his side, and Spock is so floored by this that he STUTTERS and then even interrupts his commanding officer to logically shoot down whatever reason (albeit stupid ones) that Kirk throws at him. Spock does not want to leave Kirk alone in such a dangerous situation.

Fact: Kirk is trying to keep Spock out of danger because he cares about him too much and doesn't want to admit it.

Fact: Spock wants to stay by Kirk's side to make sure that he doesn't get hurt because he cares too much about and doesn't want to admit it.

Fact: That is so fucking cute I can hardly see straight.)))

Spock: "They are, of course, accurate."

Kirk: "Of course. Well I hate to use the word, but…logically, with those kinds of odds, you might as well stay."

(((Oh god, Kirk is smiling again, could this whole thing possibly be ANY more adorable? And he smiles on the line "you might as well stay." And Spock's reaction to hearing that he'd won this little battle? It's the brightest damn inner victory I've ever seen and yet he doesn't even begin to smile. Nimoy, you talented little bastard.)))

Kirk: "Please stay out of trouble, Mr. Spock."

Spock: "That is always my intention, captain."

Kirk fights back a little grin as he looks around.

Kirk's communicator goes off then and brings the conversation to an end for them.

(((What do you need, a painting? A mime? You want sock puppets, I can get you sock puppets- IT'S CRYSTAL FREAKING CLEAR, PEOPLE. I'm not looking at a black cat and telling you it's a purple giraffe!!! I'm not looking at Miley Cyrus and saying she's talented!!! I'm looking at two men with more romantic chemistry than they know what do with and I'm telling you that these are TWO MEN WITH MORE ROMANTIC CHEMISTRY THAN THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH.

This is not. rocket. science.

Now if you will pardon me, I have to go look for my mind again. I haven't let it reel for a while so it has a lot of pent up energy…brb.)))

Well it's Scotty on the other end of the line with the lovely news that his Makeshift Miracle Pump Thing that was supposed to last forty eight hours kind of didn't last forty eight hours. In fact, it died. Kirk orders for the evacuation of all the workers, but Vanderberg hears this and insists that he and a few men stay to get themselves killed- I mean help kill the Plavarug. Scotty says there's about ten hours before shit really goes south so Kirk orders a rendezvous with Vanderberg's men so he can get another shot at being all captain-y.

Cut to Kirk doing just that, and ordering everyone to go look in all sorts of places, while he and Spock plan to search a specific area together.

(((Heehee.)))

When everyone disperses, Spock says that they're being watched.

(((And you didn't mention this before the crewman ran off becauuussseeee?)))

They walk around, phasers ready, and happen upon a fork in the tunnel.

Kirk: "Chart says both these tunnels converge a few thousand yards further. You take the left, I'll take the right."

Spock: "Should we separate?"

(((Damn, Spock, you just do NOT want to leave Kirk alone.)))

Kirk: "Two tunnels, two of us…we separate."

(((Why, Kirk, that is just such an obviously logical thing to say. If only Spock were a being based in logic, maybe he would've been able to see that.)))

(((Now, it's hard to see with the shadow on Kirk's face, but as he's saying the last bit of the line he has this little reassuring smile on his face. Once again, one of them has to put the other at ease. ::Sigh:: )))

Kirk starts making his way down his half of the tunnel then, and Spock staaaaaaares at his captain, only looking around a couple of times to check for any danger, and doesn't start down his half of the tunnel until Kirk is out of sight.

(((Fucking. Romantic.)))

Well, the famous Hey Let's Split Up Plan of 1966 is all well and good until Kirk comes to a widened area of the tunnel with a whole bunch of silicone nodules laying around. Kirk calls up Spock on the communicator and tells him as much.

Spock: "Indeed, I find that most illuminating, captain. Be absolutely certain you do not damage any of them."

Kirk: "Explain."

::Gasp:: The Plavarug is watching Kirk from around a corner!

Spock: "Only a theory I have-"

The Plavarug causes part of the cave to collapse, falling on Kirk.

Spock: "Captain…are you alright?"

He starts walking forward quickly.

Spock: "Jim? JIM?!"

((( NOOO, NOT MY KOCK!!! I MEAN SPIRK!! I MEAN KIRK, DAMNIT, KIRK!!!!!!)))

Kirk: "Yes, Mr. Spock, alright."

Spock stops dead in his tracks at the sound of Kirk's voice.

(((I wish they had shown us more of Spock's reaction, 'cause it's clear he was just about to heave a big sigh of relief.)))

Kirk: "It seems we had a cave in."

Spock: "I could phaser you out."

(((Whoa, Spock, DRASTIC much? Kirk sounds perfectly calm and you're all "ZOMG HELP, LET ME GIVE YOU IT."

Calm down, dude, it's not like you're in love with him or anything.

……………………

XD )))

Kirk: "No, you better not, any disturbance might bring down the rest of the wall. Besides it isn't necessary, the chart said the tunnels meet further on."

(((Oh Kirk, there you go with that logic again. If only Spock prided himself on that kind of sense. I guess that's why he has you around.)))

Spock: "Very well. I find it extremely disquieting that your roof chose that particular moment to collapse. Please proceed with extreme caution. I shall quicken my pace."

Kirk: "Very well, Mr. Spock, I'll meet you-"

Then part of the wall melts away, and by "melts" I mean "glows red and fades."

(((Yay 60s.)))

It's the Plavarug! Ach, du lieber!!!

Back from commercial and Kirk's got his phaser trained on the Plavarug. He notices that whenever he puts his phaser down, it advances, and when he puts it up, it stops…so the thing isn't REALLY stupid, at least not Rand-stupid.

Spock speaks up on the communicator then.

Spock: "Captain, I just read some fresh signs. The creature is in this area."

(((Ye Olde Duh, Spock.)))

Spock: "I'll take a life form reading."

Kirk: "It's not necessary, Mr. Spock, I know exactly where the creature is."

Spock: "Where, captain?"

Kirk: "Ten feet away from me."

(((Shatner's delivery of that line? Priceless.)))

(((Hang onto your minds, shits about to start reeling.)))

Spock: "Kill it, captain, quickly."

Kirk: "It's not making any threatening moves, Spock."

Spock: "You don't dare take the chance, captain. Kill it."

Kirk: "I thought you were the one that wanted it kept alive, captured if possible."

Spock: "Jim, your life is in danger, you can't take the risk."

Kirk: "It seems to be waiting."

Spock: "I remind you, it is a proven killer. I'm on my way. Spock out."

(((Okay, so let me get this gay: Spock states twice in this episode that he is strongly against killing the Plavarug, he even tries to sneak in his own order to the troops, but literally the SECOND he thinks that Kirk's life is even REMOTELY threatened he starts screaming for blood?

Kirk is even like, "Uh…it's not really threatening me" but Spock couldn't give a freaking damn. Kirk even brings up how Spock was the one who wanted it alive, but Spock is all "Even though you sound perfectly calm your life could be in danger sort of so LET THE MOTHERFUCKER BURN!!!!"

The writers very, very, VERY clearly wanted us to get the unsubtle picture of Spock being completely against killing it, then suddenly being for killing it. Like I said, they even have Kirk bring it up on the spot!

Oh, and let's not forget the 'Jim' bit, further proof that is all an EMOTIONAL reaction (as if we couldn't figure that out already, the poor Vulcan looks sick with worry.)

It doesn't get much more romantic than this, people.

Well, for Kirk and Spock it gets wayyy more romantic, but you know…the saying…and stuff…)))

Kirk hunches down and waits for Spock. The Plavarug turns around and reveals a missing chunk of it's costume oh no wait that's supposed to be a wound.

Spock arrives and instantly raises his phaser to fire at the thing.

(((Spock has made the quickest transition from logical pacifist to "DEATH IS AWESOME" I have ever seen.

And all for Kirk.)))

Kirk tells Spock not to shoot, and he eventually lowers his weapon. Kirk waves him on over and Spock obliges, though he's a bit wary. He hunches down next to the captain and comments on how the Plavarug hasn't made a move and points out the thousands of silicon nodules laying around. Spock hints at the theory he's been brewing again but says, again, that he's not certain and needs to wait before actually SAYING anything.

Spock: "Captain, you're aware of the Vulcan technique of the joining of two minds."

Kirk leans forward and they both stand up.

(((In Innocent-But-Hawt-Dayum News: When Kirk leans forward to stand I swear he looks like he means to lay one on Spock right then and there. Their faces gets reeeeally close for a split second as they both stand. A screencap of that would look really nice. Just sayin'.)))

Kirk: "You think you can get through to that thing?"

Spock: "Possible."

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, I know it's a terrible, personal lowering of mental barriers, but if there's a chance…"

(((You heard it here first, people. Stow that little mindmeld tidbit in the Future Reference corner of your mind. You know, safe keeping and such.)))

Spock then attempts a mindmeld with the Plavarug from a distance, but all he gets are waves and waves of extreme pain coming from the thing and he falls backward…and right into Kirk's arms.

(((O.O)))

The Plavarug starts to move around then, and they watch it. Spock is still holding on to Kirk. They eventually let go as Kirk steps towards the alien thing. The Plavarug moves again and reveals that it's melted words into a part of the cave that reads, "NO KILL I."

(((Guess they don't have a Plavarug edition of Hooked on Phonics.)))

Kirk wonders which meaning the creature meant ( either 'I won't kill you' or 'don't kill me') and Spock dishes about what he learned from the thing during the mindmeld: It's intelligent, it learned some basic stuff from Spock which would explain the Jessica Alba brand of English, it's in a bunch of pain, it calls itself a Horta.

(((Horta? Nah, I'll stick with Plavarug, thank you.)))

Kirk is all 'damn we need to find that device' and Spock is like 'Cap'n, we shot off a a part of whatever the fuck makes up it's skin, it is soooo not gonna help' but Kirk comes back with 'Hey, what if we like did something nice for it or something? Take it out to dinner, have a few laughs, it'll be fun.'

Kirk then calls McCoy and orders him to come on down. Then he orders Spock to communicate with the Plavarug again to find out some more details. Spock does so, only this time he has to ::gulp:: touch it.

As Spock mindmelds, Kirk checks in with random crewman Giotto who says they're all at the end of the tunnel keeping Vanderberg's men from charging ahead and doing something stupid. Spock starts saying random things during the mindmeld about murdering and monsters and stuff. McCoy shows up, is understandably surprised, but takes a look at the Plavarug anyway. McCoy scans the poor thing, then comes back to Kirk with:

McCoy: "You can't be serious. That thing is virtually made out of stone."

Kirk: "Help it, treat it."

McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer!"

(((I. Love. You. McCoy.)))

Kirk orders McCoy to get his sassy ass over there and heal the thing. Kirk then gently tells Spock to tell the Plavarug that they're trying to help and oh yeah where the hell is that pump mechanism thingy?

Spock: "Understood…it is the end of life…eternity stops…go out…into the tunnel…to the chamber…of the ages…cry…for the children…walk carefully…in the vault of tomorrow…sorrow…"

(((Jesus, it's like listening to your 90 year old grandmother try to talk to keep herself from falling asleep in her rice pudding.)))

And then it kinda starts repeating itself. Kirk runs off down the tunnel the Plavarug/Spock told it to.

Cut to Vanderberg and his men wanting some hot phaser-on-Plavarug action.

Cut to Kirk getting to the end of the tunnel and finding even more silicon nodules, but some of them are broken.

Cut to McCoy ordering for something to be beamed down to him.

Cut to Spock, still connected to the Plavarug, talking about sleep and failure and murderers, you know, like any good Emo alien.

Kirk gets back from the tunnel with the pump and a broken silicon nodule and tells Spock to come on out of the mind meld. The pump is undamaged (((yay for inexplicably deft Plavarugs!))) and Kirk and Spock FINALLY tell the audience that the nodules are eggs, the Plavarug is a chick, and the workers have been destroying her babies which is why she went all psycho on their asses.

Cut to Vanderberg's men overpowering the random crewmen and running to the monster. Kirk stops them and has Spock tell the whole Plavarug = Mommy story.

Kirk is all, 'Hey you and the Plavarugs could totally make a killer team if you let the eggs actually HATCH' and they all seem to kind of agree with that idea.

Spock mentions that the Plavarug is just a touch near death, though, so things might not work out. =(

Cut to McCoy looking like he's just delivered the baby Rock Biter from The Neverending Story 2. He says he had the ship beam down some of the concrete they have for building shelters with and since it's made of mostly silicon it'll act like a bandage! Huzzah!!!

Kirk turns to Spock.

Kirk: "Well, Mr. Spock, I'm gonna have to ask you to get in touch with the Horta again. Tell her our proposition: She and her children can do all the tunneling they want, our people will remove the minerals and each side will leave the other alone. Think she'll go for it?"

(((Now that's all very hum drum and run-of-the-mill…until the very last line. Kirk just can't seem to keep his soft, lilting tone in control for very long when he's talking to Spock. So. damn. cute.)))

Spock: "It seems logical, captain. The Horta has a very logical mind, and after close association with humans I find that curiously refreshing."

(((ba-ZING, Mr. Spock.)))

Kirk looks back at McCoy, who just kind of shrugs it off.

Transition to the final scene. Kirk and McCoy arrive on the bridge and talks to Vanderberg on the planet one last time to find that things are going incredibly well and says goodbye.

(((Edit as of 7/30: WAIT WHOA HOLD IT SLOW DOWN TWO SECONDS GODDAMN, something Andrina said made me take another look at this next bit and WHOA. Just...WHOA.)))

Spock: "Curious. What chief Vanderberg said about the Horta is exactly what the mother Horta said to me. She found humanoid appearance revolting, but she thought she could get used to it."

(((Why Spock, you snarky bastard. XD )))

McCoy: "Oh she did, did she? Now tell me, did she happen to make comment about those ears?"

(((Why McCoy, you snarky bastard. XD )))

Spock: "Not specifically, but I did get the distinct impression she found them the most attractive human characteristic of all. I didn't have the heart to tell her that only I have-"

Kirk: "She really liked those ears?"

(((Kirk seems to ask this honestly, not with any kind of little 'well of COURSE she likes them' subtext going on. Hm, the ears must not be Spock's most attractive feature to Kirk…I wonder what is…)))

Spock: "Captain, the Horta is a remarkably intelligent and sensitive creature, with impeccable taste."

(((Don't look now, Spock, but I think you have an ego.)))

Kirk: "Because she approved of you."

Spock: "Really, captain, my modesty."

(((Does he...does Spock think thathe was just flattered by Kirk? Look at how he says the line, the delivery is very "Oh STOP, you'll EMBARRASS ME, and in front of all these people? I do DECLARE.")))

Kirk: "Does not bear close examination, Mr. Spock. I suspect you're becoming more and more human all the time."

Spock: "You…Captain, I see no reason to stand here and be insulted."

(((Holy. Fucking. Slash.

Spock was obviously a touch confused at the beginning of this line, but why? I'll tell you why: Up until this moment he was SURE that Kirk was complimenting his PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, in fact this whole bit has more unsubtle compliment fishing than anybody knows what to do with. And when Kirk pulls the rug out from under him? Spock's initial reaction is "Wait, but I...you just said...." then he realizes that Kirk has actually WON one of these battles for a change and gets all huffy before walking off.

Here's what I'm saying: This is like Spock's version of The Back Rub scene. Kirk tried get Spock to touch him and failed, Spock tried to get Kirk to compliment his physical appearance (particularly his ears) and failed. The scenarios fit each character perfectly. Kirk would try something so bold, and Spock would try something so coy. It's perfect. It's so. fucking. perfect.

If I seem calm right now, it's because I'm stunned. Seriously. O.O

Okay, enough calm.

ASHSJFHDJGNRFL; OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT?!?! HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT??!!? HOW DID ANYONE NOT SEE THAT?!?!?! WHY THE FUCK IS K/S NOT A FREAKING KNOWN FACT?!!!? THIS SHIT IS BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS!!! IT'S THE BEST GODDAMN LOVE STORY EVER TOLD AND IT'S NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGED FOR CHRIST FUCKING SAKE!!!!! WHO DOES THIS?!?!!

Ahem.

I'm done.)))

Spock promptly walks off as Kirk smiles, then glances at McCoy before giving the final order for warp 2.

(((Oh. Mah. Gawd. Would you look at that grin from Kirk. He knows what just happened, he's celebrating his victory like the sly little bastard he is, and why shouldn't he? After all, he's finally gotten Spock back for the Back Rub Incident. XD )))

(((Son of a BITCH, how did I miss this? Well I did finish this thing at three in the morning...hm...maybe I shouldn't do that anymore...apparently I miss huge, obvious, and fucking adorable things when I do.)))

(((Hollow Stares made an interesting point in a review. The Plavarug is basically you're benevolent, logical, peaceful etc race that was pushed to act irrationally to protect the ones she loved, which is in no way like the cool, logical Spock flips his shit when Kirk is in trouble and is pushed to act irrationally for the one he loves.

And by 'no way like' I mean 'EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME AS.'

Fascinating.)))

End of Episode!

ScOrE!!

Random Crewman Body Count – 11

Episodes Left Until Amok Time – 7