A/N So we're about through the whole holiday period here and we should be able to resume our normal scheduled programming. Which pleases me as every time I have to write in fits and starts I lose focus and start to worry the whole thing is drifting and have to talk myself off the ledge. It's so much easier if I just write and post, write and post! Less of the thinking, more of the doing.

Of course I am meant to be finding a job, but I looked this morning, I swear, and there weren't any. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Disclaimer: Not mine, and yes, I've been known to fret about that as well.

SPOV

I had a busy day planned for today and everyone seemed out to ambush and waylay me. First it was Eric, with his plans for sex in the bathroom. I'd failed miserably at avoiding that one. I blame the bathroom. It's really tiny. I thought Eric took up all the room on the airbed, but it's worse in that ensuite. There's no avoiding him.

And there didn't seem to be any way of avoiding Amelia either. I didn't know how long she'd been loitering, waiting for me to appear, but I hoped to God she hadn't figured out what was going on in the bathroom. With any luck her natural childish self-centredness made her oblivious to the fact that Eric and I could be doing anything that didn't involve her.

What Amelia was mostly concerned about at the moment, was the advent calendar. "Can you get Felicia to give me the baby Jesus?" she said grumpily, as soon as I stepped through the bathroom door.

"It was her turn today" I said. I wondered briefly how we were going to get on when there were three of them taking turns. Amelia would possibly have a nervous breakdown, I thought. I just wasn't sure how to convince her that she wasn't in charge of the whole operation. The calendar had been a present from Lorena for the kids, and while I loved that it wasn't something with Dora on the front and yucky chocolates on the inside, it seemed to cause a disproportionate amount of tension. Still, at least it took their minds off Santa.

"Yes, but Daddy said that I could fix the whole picture when Felicia puts the baby Jesus on. And now she won't! It's not fair!" Amelia cried.

I had no idea what Eric had negotiated with them. "Well…" I said, trying to think. "Maybe if you just wait a bit she'll put the piece on."

"She won't! She's just holding onto it!"

"Have you tried asking her nicely?"

"Yes" Amelia grumped.

"Have you told her she can help you with fixing the picture?"

"No! Because that's not what Daddy said! He said that I could do it! It's my job!" Amelia was just about vibrating from the unfairness of the whole situation.

"Oh…well. Go and take it up with Daddy then" I said, gesturing to the bathroom door. Really, I was out of ideas.

Amelia sighed and opened the door to the bathroom saying "Daddy, Felicia won't…" before she was even properly through it. Oh well, I thought. Eric had wanted company earlier.

I headed into the kitchen to find Jason trying to steal some Christmas mince pies while no one else was around. "No!" I said, pointing at him.

"Fuck, Sook!" he said, jumping around. "You fuckin' gave me a heart attack, eh?"

"Oh, I did not. Too much pastry will give you a heart attack. So stop eating the bloody mince pies, alright?"

Jason sighed, and put the lid back on the tin and muttered "I bet Eric gets to eat some."

"Oh, for goodness' sake Jason."

"Well, I'm a fuckin' guest, eh?" Jason said, indignantly, as he put the tin back in the pantry.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you to get to raid the kitchen at every opportunity. Just behave. Honestly, now I know how Mum felt."

Jason sighed but he didn't say anything else. "Anyway" I continued. "You and I have an errand this morning."

"Oh, we do?" Jason looked surprised.

"Yeah, I need you and the ute…" I stopped because Felicia appeared and tried to wedge herself between Jason and the pantry door. "Sssh!" she said to us.

"What's up Leesh?" Jason said to her, which made Felicia look really grumpy.

"I's hidin'!" she said.

"Who from?" Jason asked, but that question was answered when I heard Amelia say loudly "Felicia! Felicia come here, Daddy wants you!" I wasn't sure if Eric really needed Felicia or not, but it was a good ploy on Amelia's part because I could see that Felicia was quite keen on going to Daddy. You could almost see the indecision written on her little face. In the end she sighed and trudged off towards the sound of Amelia calling "Felicia! Felicia! Daddy needs to tell you something!"

"What's that all about?" Jason asked me.

"The baby Jesus" I replied. Jason looked a bit confused, but didn't ask anything else. "Right-o. I'll just go and get ready then, eh?" he said.

"Yeah, you do that. I just need to tell Eric we're going and then we'll head off."

I found Eric, and the girls, standing beside the advent calendar which was perched on the cabinet in the living room. Eric still had wet hair and looked like he'd been dragged forcibly out of the bathroom to negotiate the Christmas Eve peace accord. "So what's going to happen" Eric was saying, "Is that Felicia's going to put the baby Jesus on, wherever she wants, we'll take a photo of it like that, then Amelia gets free rein to re-organise it. OK?"

"Hey" I said to get his attention.

"Oh" he said, turning around. "Hang on guys." Amelia gave me an exasperated look, as I was clearly interrupting a very important process, and Felicia just held onto the baby Jesus and smiled a lot.

"So, Jason and I are going out and you don't need to know where" I said, in a rush. Eric looked curious, but didn't comment. "And I need you to take the troops to Nosh to get the ham. And there should be a lamb roast there for me too. And can you get some steak for tonight, and some sausages? Also, I need fruit, for the fruit salad. And capsicums, and maybe check out their pre-made salads because I don't fancy …" I noticed Eric's eyes had started to glaze over. "Oh, I'll write you a list" I said, walking back to the kitchen and leaving Eric to finish dealing with the advent calendar.

EPOV

I finally managed to extricate myself from the whole advent calendar situation and went to the kitchen to get a quick breakfast. Everyone else seemed to have eaten a while ago.

Sookie was in there writing out the list. It looked fucking long. "OK" she said, finishing and handing it to me as I grabbed a bowl out of the cupboard. "There's not much, but if you could just grab this it'd be a help."

"Uh-huh" I said, reviewing it. Fuck, if this was a small list, what did a normal list look like?

"So, they're OK now?" she asked.

"Yeah. Felicia just needed to feel like her contribution was valued too. So I took a picture of the pair of them in front of the version that has the baby Jesus flying through the sky, and then I have to go back and take another picture when Amelia's finished." The problem was that none of the pieces were as good as the baby Jesus, but Amelia should never, ever have let that fact slip to Felicia. Felicia was a bit more ambivalent about the whole thing, but knowing that her sister really wanted that piece, well, that was just a whole reason to hold onto it that bit longer. Felicia might not be two yet, but she wasn't stupid.

I took the Weetbix out of the pantry and the milk out of the refrigerator. I glanced at the coffeemaker, yep, typical. If I didn't make it no one else did. I sighed; I guess I'd have to wait until we got to Nosh then.

Jason arrived in the kitchen and looked at Sookie. "You ready to go, Sook?" he asked.

"Yeah, hang on. So everything on the list makes sense then?" Sookie asked me. My mouth was full of Weetbix so I just nodded. I was pretty sure I could handle it. It was only groceries.

"OK, I'll see you later on then" Sookie stood up to kiss my cheek and then she and Jason left, with Jason calling out "Bye, Eric!" over his shoulder as Sookie pushed him out the door. I had no idea what she was up to. But I didn't have long to ponder as I heard Amelia yell "No Felicia! Don't take that!" and I had to go and supervise the re-arranging of the advent calendar picture.

SPOV

Jason unlocked his ute and I got into the passenger seat. It never ceased to amaze me that for as much as he was a slob elsewhere, and I'd seen his bedroom when he was growing up so I knew exactly how bad he could be, his vehicles were usually pristine.

I made a mental note not to let Jason see my car. I had kids. They weren't tidy. Enough said, really.

"So are you going to tell me where we're going?" Jason asked, as he started the engine.

"I've got to pick up Eric's present. So, um, Mt Wellington Highway if you please."

"OK, well you're in charge." Jason did a u-turn and headed back towards Mt Eden Road.

"So when's Crystal getting here?" I asked, trying to figure out how many people I had for lunch as well as dinner.

"She texted me earlier, eh? Said they were leaving about 8am, but she wanted to stop in Manukau to do some shopping at The Warehouse."

"Oh, OK." Well I guessed she wasn't here for lunch then. She was also stupidly keen going out shopping on Christmas Eve, but I couldn't talk. Although I, at least, was just doing a pick-up.

We spent a while trying to get on to the motorway at Greenlane, and I amused myself by fiddling with the stereo and the air-conditioning in the ute. Jason hated it if you changed his settings. Every time I pushed a button or turned a knob I could see his hand twitch as he desperately tried to fight the urge to change it back.

Eventually, it got too much for him. "Sookie! Will you just leave everything the fuck alone!" Jason exploded, when we were finally going around the Greenlane roundabout.

I burst out laughing. "You never change Jason! You're hilarious!"

"I'm not fuckin' hilarious" Jason grumbled. "I just like things the way I had them, so get your grubby paws off the fuckin' dashboard!"

I just laughed harder. Then I changed the temperature setting for the air-con.

"Jesus Sookie! I had forgotten how fuckin' annoying you are! Are you this bad in Eric's car? Because seriously, I'm fuckin' surprised he married you if you are."

I couldn't talk after that, I just laughed all the way to the Mt Wellington off-ramp. I'd forgotten how much fun it was to mess with Jason.

EPOV

I'd evntually made it to Nosh. It was still only 10am and I felt like I'd spent at least half a day involved in major peace negotiations. Honestly, it couldn't be worse in the Middle East. The more Amelia wailed, the more determined Felicia was to hold onto that baby Jesus piece at all cost. Fuck, and everyone said Amelia was the stubborn one.

But we were here. And we'd managed to get a carpark after being waved into one by some pimply kid who was spending his break from college parking cars at Nosh. That seemed to be a particularly shitty job. I turned to the backseat and laid down a few ground-rules. "When we go inside" I said "there will be no whining for things, no running off and no fighting. Does everyone understand me?"

There were some half-hearted replies of "yes" from Amelia and Felicia, so I took that as good enough and let them out of the car. This was going to be hard-work keeping an eye on both of them, I realised, as I had to drag them both across the carpark. The previous year I'd just had Amelia but there was no way you could leave Felicia behind these days. So I had two kids, in a crowded gourmet supermarket, on Christmas Eve.

But I had a plan.

We got through the turnstiles and I bent down to them. "OK" I said, "We're going to get the fruit and vegetables first, because they're right by the door. Then we'll go to the back of the store and I'll buy you fluffies. IF you're good, that is. Then last we'll get the meat and the salads. Everybody clear?"

There were nods all around so I picked up a basket and headed to the fresh produce section. I was feeling kind of confident, I wasn't a newbie at this after all. The kids would at least behave long enough to get their fluffies and the meat shouldn't take too long. I was feeling really good about my plan, Amelia and Felicia were sticking close by and were actually helping me pick the fruit, no one had asked for anything yet, and I'd just seen some guy chase a small girl who seemed to be heading for the door to the carpark. He obviously had no clue.

But then I hit a small speed-bump. What the fuck were capsicums again? I started to look around for a sign, but as I did so I noticed that Amelia and Felicia were obviously losing interest in produce and had starting making their way towards a display of candy. Fuck.

"Hey, Amelia" I said, loud enough to get her to turn around. "What are capsicums?"

She looked at me like I was an idiot. "They're vegetables, Eric" she said. I was back to being Eric, so definitely an idiot then.

"Yeah, but which ones?" I asked, scanning the vegetables again, while trying to keep one eye on Felicia who was edging ever-closer to the candy.

Amelia looked at me blankly. I guess her mother didn't ask her dumb questions like this. I was starting to think we'd have to give up on the capsicums, when someone touched my arm. I turned to my side and saw someone I vaguely recognised, she was one of the mothers from daycare. Her son was slightly older than Felicia so had just moved to the pre-school class with Amelia.

"Um, sorry" she said, "I just overheard. They're…um, they're there" I followed the finger she was pointing with. Oh yeah, bell peppers. Why the fuck could I never remember that one?

"Thanks" I said to her and she smiled at me. The son just stood there looking at me, then over at Amelia and Felicia and back again. He looked as though he didn't expect to run into us all in one place. "I'm um, Eric."

"Oh, I know" she said. "Um, Amelia's told me…I'm Carmen." She held her hand out and I shook it. "OK, well…have a good Christmas" she said, as she started to walk away.

"Yeah, thanks. You too" I said, grabbing some peppers and hustling Amelia and Felicia towards the coffee counter. Amelia grabbed my hand which would have been OK, in that it meant I knew where she was, except that Felicia wanted the other hand, which made balancing the basket on my arm kind of difficult. Not to mention it wasn't easy to manoeuvre all of us through the crowded store.

We queued up to order. "Do you guys want a muffin?" I asked. There was a chorus of 'yes' all around.

"Which one?" I asked. There was no way either of them could eat a whole muffin, they'd have to split it.

"Shoclit" Felicia said, at the same time that Amelia said "Blueberry". They could never make things easy, could they?

I ordered my coffee, their fluffies, and two muffins and arranged the pair of them on high bar stools, which they thought was great. I stood behind them, as I had to stop Felicia trying to spin hers around. I wasn't convinced she wouldn't spin herself right off.

One of the waitresses brought our drinks over and Amelia asked loudly where her muffin was. The poor girl scurried back to get the food and I glared at Amelia's head. She really had no manners sometimes.

We were part-way through our snack, meaning that both kids were covered in food and chocolate from the top of the fluffies, there were crumbs everywhere and I had a mouthful of the leftover muffin, when Carmen appeared again with her son.

"I guess you guys had the same idea then!" she said, as she sat her son, who's name I could not for the life of me remember, on the stool next to Amelia, who turned and glared at him.

"Yeah" I said, hastily swallowing my mouthful. "I didn't get coffee this morning, so I thought we'd stop. I just forgot that these two create this kind of mess" I said, gesturing to the pile of crumbs and split milk. Amelia turned and glared at me.

Carmen laughed. "Yeah, I guess its better the crumbs are here than at home though?" she asked.

"Mum would clean it up" Amelia grumbled, but I ignored her. She was in a mood again. Probably still upset about the baby Jesus fiasco.

"Yeah, you're probably right" I agreed, putting one hand on Felicia who was threatening to slide off her stool.

"I just thought I'd grab a coffee to go" Carmen continued, "I promised Rocco I'd take him to a park after this. He needs to burn off some energy."

I looked at Rocco, and wondered who the fuck names their kid Rocco? He didn't exactly look like he needed a run around either. He was just staring at Amelia, who was glaring at his mother. Amelia maybe needed a run around.

"So, do you know where the nearest park is to here?" Carmen asked, as she took her coffee from the waitress.

"Um, probably the one up the road from here? You know, sort of back towards the daycare?" I had no idea why she was asking me, surely she'd know where the parks were.

"Oh, um, yeah" she said. I expected her to leave, but she stood there, looking at the coffee in her hand. "So, um, is it a good park?" she asked in the end.

"Um…yeah. Do you like it Amelia?" I asked her, and she turned to look at me. "S'alright" she said, and then she went back to staring at Carmen. Carmen looked at her coffee. Rocco stared at the remains of the muffins with a certain amount of longing. Felicia made another attempt to spin her stool and when that didn't work she threw a piece of crumbled muffin on the floor.

"Well, thanks. You've been helpful" Carmen said at last, smiling at me. She reached over and patted my arm.

"Oh no problem. And thanks for helping me out earlier."

"Oh, that was fine. Anytime!" she laughed again.

"Go away!" Amelia yelled at her. I looked at Amelia, not really believing she'd just said that. "Amelia!" I admonished. "Don't talk to people like that."

"Well she's not being nice. And she can't take you." Amelia was glaring at me now, and I wasn't sure what to do.

"Say sorry" I said to her.

"No!"

Carmen was looking a bit embarrassed about the whole thing and I couldn't blame her really. Amelia was being a total pain in the ass for absolutely no reason. And I really just wanted her to fucking apologise so we could move on.

"Well, I should, um, get going then…" Carmen said, starting to lift Rocco off the stool.

I bent down and spoke directly into Amelia's ear "Apologise to Rocco's mom" I hissed. "It is not too late for me to call Santa!"

Amelia just frowned for a long time. "Sorry!" she spat out in the end. "Thank you" I muttered.

"Don't worry about it" Carmen said. "The kids are all a bit wound up by Christmas at the moment." She looked thoughtful, and then finally she said "OK, well I'll see you all in the New Year. Come on, Rocco."

"Bye" I said. "Bye!" Felicia yelled cheerfully. Rocco gave a half-hearted wave. Amelia said nothing.

When they were out of ear-shot I turned Amelia round to face me. "What is your problem Amelia?" I asked her.

"He can't have you!" she spat out.

"What? Who?" I was kind of lost.

"Rocco!" Amelia wailed. "He doesn't have a daddy, and he can't have you."

"I don't think he wants me" the kid had spent most of his time staring at the food.

"Well his mum does. And she can't have you." Oh, I realised Amelia was scared some strange woman was suddenly going to run off with me. I wondered where the fuck she'd got that idea from. "Amelia…" I tried to cut in, but she carried on.

"She can't have you, because Mum said. Mum said we wouldn't get another one." Amelia looked really upset, even more upset than she had been by the advent calendar this morning. Felicia was starting to glance at her worriedly too, I hoped she wasn't going to suddenly get the wrong idea as well.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I asked Mum, one time when you didn't like each other. I said if you went would we get another one, and she said no, because…um, well I think she said it was too much effort or something. So if you go we don't have a daddy!"

"Daddy's goin'?" Felicia asked, confused.

"No! I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here."

"You promise?" Amelia's lip was wobbling rather dangerously and her eyes were shiny. Felicia's eyes were huge as she looked from me to Amelia.

"I promise. I don't want to be anyone else's daddy" I said, putting my arms round both of them as best I could.

"That's good" Amelia said, sniffing loudly. I kind of wished I had Sookie here because she usually travelled with tissues. I reached over and handed Amelia a paper serviette and she blew her nose, loudly.

"Not goin'?" Felicia asked.

"No, I'm not going."

"Felicia would be sad" Amelia said. "She likes you."

"Yeah" I agreed.

"And we're used to you now. And the fact you talk funny, like the TV. But you don't know what capsicums are. That's weird."

"Yeah…" I said. "Well, shall we go and see if they have any potato salad?" I lifted Amelia and then Felicia off the stools. They were both pretty grubby now and Amelia's face was flushed.

"Yep" Amelia said cheerfully "I'll show you what it is. In case you don't know." And with that she skipped off towards the deli counter and all seemed right with the world again.

SPOV

When Jason and I got back, having called a truce on the way home because I bought him two sausage rolls and a cup of tea from a coffee shop while we were out, Eric was already there.

There was a reason I'd needed Jason and the ute to get Eric's present, it was big. And there was really no hiding it from Eric. He'd have to have it now.

I went inside to round him up and found him in the family room with the kids, who were covered in what looked like chocolate. The foil wrappings from some chocolate Santas that were lying on the table were pretty much a dead giveaway that Eric had been talked into buying treats at the checkout.

"Hello" I said.

"Oh, hello" Eric said, looking up. "Did you do what you needed to?"

"Yep. How was Nosh?" I put my bag down on the couch.

"Fine."

"Daddy doesn't know what capsicums are" Amelia said.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot to translate that!" I realised I hadn't put the American version on the list. It was hard work trying to remember the equivalent phrases for everything. I swear sometimes it wouldn't be this difficult if Eric spoke an entirely different language to me.

"It's alright, Rocco's mum told him what they were, but then she wasn't nice because Rocco needs a daddy, but I told her that we didn't like her, so it was OK. And I found the potato salad!" Amelia said cheerfully. I looked at Eric trying to work out what had happened, but he just shook his head "I'll tell you later" he said.

"Oh, OK then. Well, come out and see your present!" I said, grabbing his arm.

"What? Now?" Eric looked confused. I guessed that maybe browsing the internet on your phone was important, but surely everyone loves presents.

"Yes, now. It's too big to hide. Come on!" I grabbed Eric's hand and pulled and he stood up for me.

"You haven't gift-wrapped Jason or anything, have you Sookie?" Eric grumbled, as I dragged him out the front door, with Amelia and Felicia trailing behind me.

"No! Jesus, Eric. I wouldn't even do that to Crystal."

It took Eric a moment to figure out that the present was still on the back of the ute. He was going to have to help Jason get it down. And carry it around the house. So it was kind of a do it yourself present. Still, I didn't think he'd mind.

"A new barbecue?" Eric said, when he worked out what I was gesturing to.

"Yeah. A really flash one. With the hood and everything. Do you like it?" I hadn't known what to buy him, he's really crap to buy for.

"Yeah, yeah I do. Thank you" Eric bent down and kissed me. I could hear Amelia saying "At least Rocco's mum didn't make him do that!" but I had no idea what that meant. I guessed I'd find out later.

"There's a bit of an ulterior motive of course" I said, when we broke apart. "Because, you know, we need it for tomorrow, so you can cook the lamb roast, so you know, Merry Christmas!"

"I'm cooking the lamb roast?"

"Well it's not going to fit in the oven. Not with the chickens and the potatoes and the veges and stuff…" It was going to be a tight squeeze as it was.

"Um, how much food are we doing, Sookie?"

"Not that much! But there's going to be a lot of people here. So, you know…" I trailed off. I'd worried I was under-catering so I'd added some dishes, then I'd worried I was over-catering, so I'd trimmed it back. But then I'd remembered what Gran used to do and I'd worried I was under-catering again. At the very least, we should have some good left-overs for Boxing Day.

"OK, well I guess you know what you're doing. Don't go over-board though, will you?"

"No, no. I'm all under-control." Well that was a bald-faced lie, but Eric didn't need to know everything, did he? I was completely out of control, I was slightly worried about getting everything done in the rest of the day. But I didn't need Eric telling me I was being silly and no one would care whether they ate or not. It would end up like the time he pointed out the sign on the side of the KFC on Dominion Road which said they were opening at midday on Christmas Day. Telling me we had that as a back-up plan was not what I needed to hear. He has no clue sometimes. And he thinks he's really funny, when plainly, he's not.

Eric was obviously itching to get to his present because he jogged down the front steps and over to where Jason was opening the back of the ute so they could get it down. I left the pair of them to it and started to walk back into the house to get lunch. Amelia and Felicia started going in the opposite direction, keen to see the barbecue being moved. I heard Amelia say to Felicia "Well, he won't go now, will he? He's got that. I bet Rocco's mum doesn't have any toys at her house. Not good ones, anyway."

I realised I was going to have find out what the story was with Rocco's mum, I couldn't even picture her, but just as I stepped in the front door I heard a horn toot and when I turned around, Jason was lifting an arm in greeting to an old station-wagon that had just pulled up, it's roof rack laden down with all sorts of stuff.

Crystal and her kids had obviously just arrived.

Thanks for reading!