Chapter 26

Danny yawned as he drove. He was tired and had at least another hour before he got back home. It had been a good weekend; better than he had expected. Jack and Sean had utterly worn him out, but it had the best part of the whole visit. Danny was actually a little sore from all the baseball, swimming, and roughhousing with the boys. Friday had really been all about the boys. He talked to Linda and his in-laws a little, but it was general, innocuous conversation. The only serious thing he and Linda talked about was that they were going to wait for Saturday to do any serious talking so that the boys would have a happy first day with their Dad.

On Saturday, they all went to the beach for the day. Danny and Linda talked a little, taking each other's measure about how they were feeling. Linda refrained from making any digs about Lauren, especially when an old Kingmakers song came on the radio. Danny also didn't bring it up. He wouldn't have quite known what to say anyway. They all went to a local clam shack for dinner, and the boys indulged their love of fried clams while Linda and her mother tucked into the thick, rich clam chowder.

In his Jeep, Danny signaled and moved over a lane so he could pass an older couple in a little Prius. He glanced at the clock. It was already 10:30. He wasn't going to be home until close to midnight. He turned the radio on so there was more than silence in the car, but he didn't really listen to the music. He was too busy thinking about the weekend.

After the clam shack dinner, Linda's parents dropped Danny and Linda off at the cottage and took the boys for ice cream, promising to bring some back for them. As they drove out of the driveway, Danny sat down on the cottage steps. Linda stood nearby, her arms folded tightly across her body. Neither said anything for what seemed like a very long time…

"We're going to need to talk sometime," Danny finally said.

"So, let's talk." Linda's voice was tight and Danny could tell she wanted to cry.

"Then let's start with the fact you walked out on me. You walked out and took Jack and Sean with you." Danny looked up at his wife, angry. If they were going to finally talk, Danny wasn't going to waste time in the minor fights and hurts.

"Well, I wasn't going to stick around and be made a fool of any more," she replied, just as angry.

"A fool? What are you talking about?"

"I wasn't going to sit there and play the good wife while you slept with your girlfriend. I mean, Goddammit Danny, you lied to me." She turned to face him, her arms still crossed tightly.

"When did I lie?"

"You were meeting Lauren all the time. I asked you once and you lied to my face! The night of the game. You met her at Dom's. I got a text from a friend who saw you. Then when I asked if you saw anyone that night, you said no. You. LIED. To. Me."

"Shit, Linda. Yea, okay, I did lie but it wasn't because I was sneaking around. She was already there and we hung out while my pizzas cooked. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd flip out – you do every time Lauren gets mentioned – and then we'd fight. And I was sick and fucking tired of being accused of something I hadn't done."

"Whatever." Linda rolled her eyes, not believing him.

"That's exactly my point!" Danny lost his temper and started shouting. "You don't believe me when I'm telling the truth so why should I bother? Why should I even try to be a good husband?"

"That's right. You've been so good…"

"I've tried to be, Linda. God knows, I've tried. And I stayed. I STAYED! I wasn't the one who walked out and took the kids. I wasn't the one who quit on us."

"Quit on us? I didn't quit on us. I know you don't want me any more. I don't know, I'm too old, too ordinary… clearly not enough. You never touch me anymore, Danny and when you do, you just shut your eyes. You can't even look at me!" Linda was shouting back.

Danny's mouth fell open. How could she think that? He'd always thought Linda was beautiful; he'd always wanted her. Sure, it was hard once the kids were born but that didn't mean she wasn't attractive.

"I can't look at you? I'm not into you? Linda, I can't remember the last time we had sex when I didn't look down to find you looking to the side, off into space. Looking anywhere but at me. Do you know how that made me feel? Like you were having sex because you had to, not because you wanted me. Do you even want me any more?"

How can he even ask that? How can he believe that? "Of course I still…" Linda never finished the sentence as Danny caught his wife up in his arms and kissed her. Overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil of the fight and the realization that they'd each made terribly false assumptions about the other, they fumbled their way into the house and into the guest bedroom. The sex was definitely a sprint and not a marathon, and both of them were breathing heavily when they finished. They lay on the bed, both a little shocked by what had just happened.

"That was a bit of a surprise," said Danny as he pulled his pants on.

"Yea," said Linda.

They went back out onto the porch, and sat quietly for a few minutes. It had been an hour—it probably wouldn't be long before the others got back. The silence was awkward.

"Make up sex isn't going to solve our problems," said Linda finally.

"I know."

"You said that you hadn't slept with her before I came here." Linda shut her eyes. "Are you sleeping with her now?"

"Yes," said Danny after a long silence.

That one simple word cut her to the bone and Linda felt tears in her eyes. "I see."

"You left, Linda. You haven't wanted to talk to me. I didn't think you cared about me at all any more. Honestly, I've been waiting to get divorce papers."

"I never said anything about a divorce," she gasped.

"What else was I supposed to think?" asked Danny. He knew he could have asked her that, but he'd been too hurt and angry when she left to try talking about anything.

"I don't know. I really don't. So, what do we do now?"

"What do you want, Linda?"

"Crap. I… I… want us to be a family. I want it to be the way it used to be. But I know things can't ever be that way again. Too much has happened. She happened. Despite everything, I still care about you, Danny." She loved him, but stubbornly refused to say it. "But you need to decide what you want. Do you want to be with me? Or do you want to be with her? Until you know that, there's nothing we can do."

For the rest of the weekend, Danny and Linda stayed in their neutral corners. They did argue, but kept it away from the boys. Jack and Sean had a great time but were sad to see their father leave on Sunday. Danny promised to see them again before too long, told them to behave for their mother. He watched them in the rearview mirror as he drove out of the driveway and felt a weight settle back on his shoulders.

"I am so screwed," he said aloud. "I am so totally screwed."